Self Care is not Selfish

Self Care is critical for those you care for.

Let’s face it. Although caring for someone can be rewarding, it can also be an exhausting journey, even for the saints among us. Even though, we keep at it almost to the point of burn out, any thought of putting ourselves first when others are in need can come across as selfishness. Just the idea of anyone thinking that, can infuse us with feelings of guilt and anxiety. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Taking care of ourselves is the opposite of selfishness because it strengthens us and enables us to better support our loved ones. In fact, taking the time to make sure our needs are met, only makes us better at ensuring that our loved one’s needs are met as well. It also shows responsibility that because we are maintaining our wellbeing, we are preparing and posturing ourselves to always be ready and able to support those we love.

It is critical for those you care for.

In my case, that wasn’t always so, and I came to that realisation the hard way. I had to almost hit rock bottom before the lights came on. So, I write this article in the hope that my story and experience, can help other carers find it easier to prioritise selfcare and not feel guitly But before I do, I’d like to share a little about myself and my background. I’m Mandy Walker. I’m a Carer Coach, a Social Worker and the eldest sibling in the family. I am also providing care to my elderly mother, who lives about ten minutes from me. I have two brothers who married women from other countries and are living overseas. My father passed away over ten years ago. I live alone with Finch, my three-year-old Cavoodle. My mum, Agnes, is now aged 82 (but please don’t tell her I told you that) and lives on her own two suburbs away. You would think that taking care of her day-today needs would be easier because she is not that far away. It has been more problematic. In my case, proximity fuelled higher expectations and some days, I wished we didn’t live so close to each other. Mum is very traditional in that she expects to be cared for by family. After all, that’s how it is in many cultures and how she cared for her mother in her generation. Even with the demands and pressures