Reject Issue 21

Page 1

July 16-30, 2010

ISSUE 021

A bimonthly on-line newspaper by the Media Diversity Centre, a project of African Woman and Child Feature Service

Horrors of the wedding night Young men from northern Kenya say FGM is a nightmare they can no longer live with By ABJATA KHALIF “I could not penetrate her and it took one week. I tried in vain and I sustained bruises and my wife was crying because of the pain,” says Ali Ibrahim. He adds: “I asked myself the importance of marriage if one had to suffer so. I nearly called it quits.” This was Ibrahim’s wedding night. He was unable to consummate his marriage. The following morning he complained to his family about the problem and was told to be patient as most men undergo the same ordeal. He was informed it was not the groom’s mistake but a problem brought about by the cultural tradition of Female Genital Mutilation. “I was told even my father and forefathers encountered the same problem during their wedding night,” recalls Ibrahim. “I was asked to be patient while the problem was being sorted out. My wife was then taken to hospital for surgical deinfibulation,” he says.

Suffering Women who have undergone FGM normally suffer intense pain during sex and when they are menstruating. Due to FGM complication the newlyweds are kept far away from the rest on the first night due to screams and shouts emanating from bedroom as a result of pain the bride is undergoing. “During my wedding preparations, a house was rented for us in far place away from the rest of the family. I started ques-

tioning it but again I thought the organisers — most of them women — will laugh at or doubt me,” says Ibrahim. He adds: “I realised the wisdom of renting the house away from densely populated area during my wedding night.”

Women’s issues Ibrahim reiterates: “In the past I used to think FGM was a women’s issue meant to ward girls from promiscuity. But I have since realised it is dangerous to both men and women and must be fought from all fronts.” “I asked myself why parents have to marry off their daughters because they have to go through a lot of pain not Young men in Garissa at a meeting where they discussed ways in which they could end FGM forgetting the pain they unas it was making their sexual life unbearable. Inset: Ali Ibrahim who has come open on the derwent when they were cut. tribulations of being married to a woman who has been mutilated. Picture: Abjata Khalif I have come to respect Somali girls for being brave in enduring the rationale of the practice in the tutions in northern Kenya, FGM compliing two major painful experiences. community. cations have contributed to 60 percent of Because of the experiences they have The infibulation makes consummation divorce in the region. Both the bride and undergone in marriage, especially when difficult and it is considered a test for man- groom do not enjoy sexual relationships it comes to sex, men from Somali com- hood that leaves both the bride and groom and most men decide to divorce so they munity are now coming out in the fight bruised, tired and tortured. can look for another satisfying marriage. against FGM. Ibrahim and all the men coming out in Most women interviewed admitted that While FGM is done on women, it has the fight against FGM only come to know FGM complications are wreaking homes equally affected men as they too are vic- about the dangers of FGM on the wed- in the region. They said if there is no altertims of damages caused by the mutilation ding night when they discover that their native to the deadly practice then northern on the first night of marriage. wives’ vaginas are greatly affected by the Kenya will be a province of divorcees as a Men complain that wedding nights are mutilation. result of FGM. a torture and they have started questionAccording to reports from Islamic instiContinued on page 6

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