Father’s Day Card Cont. from

Volume 51 - No. 24 June 17, 2021

By Friedrich Gomez

Just when you think you’ve heard it all, archeologists – literally – dig up something totally shocking and unexpected in time for this year’s Father’s Day!

And not surprisingly, readers of The Paper are among the very first to read about it!

It seems in every conceivable way, dads never cease to astound, shock, and amaze us – just ask Bruce Jenner.

THE ORIGINS OF “FATHER’S

DAY” KEEPS CHANGING! As with good ol’ dad, the origins of Father’s Day seem to be getting older and older.

Less than a decade ago, Father’s Day was traced to the Middle Ages in Europe, giving it a pedigree that was well over 500 years old.

Then, just a few short years ago, science astounded the world again by stating that Father’s Day celebration roots were actually twice as old, reassessed at nearly 1,000 years deep into medieval times.

Then, in June of 2016, the science publication, Archeology, shocked the entire world by announcing its discovery that Father’s Day was, once again, twice as old as previously thought –stating it was now 2,000 years old, with a genesis in Ancient Mesopotamia in Western Asia, where ancient clay tablets were unearthed, upon which words were chiseled, and deciphered from ancient cuneiform script.

It seemed apparent that the ‘expiration date’ on the true origins of Father’s Day was not aging gracefully like fine wine -- but rather curdling like milk –with a shorter and shorter ‘shelf life’ in our school and university history books! Today, in 2021 – I can hear you snickering already in anticipation – the latest, most up-to-date theory is that good old Father’s Day is – yes, once again –twice as old as previously thought: not 2,000 years old . . . but at least 4,000 years old!

The most recent 4,000-year-old discovery was made just 60 miles south of what is now present day Baghdad, Iraq (erstwhile Babylon). The excavation site is near the Euphrates River and the handmade Father’s Day ‘card’ – once again chiseled on ancient clay tablets -- predates the birth of the historical Jesus by over

Father’s Day Card Cont. from Page 1

20 centuries and is carbon-dated as older than Egypt’s Great Pyramid of Giza by well over 1400 years!

According to world news reports: “The shocking discovery of history’s oldest known remnant of a Father’s Day card in the form of an ancient clay tablet celebrating Fatherhood can now be (officially) traced back to such early civilizations as Babylon!”

In 2021, over 70 different countries around the globe, including the United States, have chosen the 3rd Sunday of June to celebrate their versions of Father’s Day.

As with the difficulty of pin-pointing the true origins of Father’s Day, it also ain’t easy being a dad, especially as they, themselves, grow older.

As 74-year-old dad, and former Late Night TV host, David Letterman, humorously confessed at a University lecture: “I knew when I was getting older as a dad when I was able to cough, fart, sneeze and pee all at the same time!”

“THE FATHER OF OUR COUNTRY” GEORGE WASHINGTON WAS NEVER A FATHER!

A delicious bit of Father’s Day trivia –which is an almost unknown fact for many -- is that the celebrated “Father of Our Country,” George Washington, was never – in reality -- a biological father, rendering his nickname as highly amusing among American historians.

Give Us This Day Our Daily Chuckle

This week, a compendium of wit, wisdom and neat stuff you can tell at parties. Enjoy!

Man calls 911 and says “I think my wife is dead”

The operator says how do you know? He says “The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!”

It is highly ironic that this is so, even though one may argue that he was a ‘father’ to the two children from his wife’s first marriage (the erstwhile Martha Custis).

When Martha Custis became Martha Washington through marriage, George became stepfather to Martha’s two children from her previous husband, but to reiterate: the Father of Our Country was, ironically, never a biological father, himself!

A recent historical study scrutinized details as to why George Washington was unable to impregnate his wife, Martha. Forensic studies and academicians all suggest that a type of tuberculosis which Washington contracted during childhood “May have rendered him sterile.”

Nonetheless, Mount Vernon was always filled with children for nearly 40 years of his marriage, including grandchildren.

His great consolation was that he played the real-life role as ‘father’ to all of them.

5 U. S. PRESIDENTS WHO WERE NEVER BIOLOGICAL FATHERS: 1. George Washington (possibly sterile). 2. James Polk (sterile) 3. Warren Harding (no children, despite 32 years of marriage). 4. James Buchanan (never married; many scholars assess him as our first ‘gay’ president). 5. Andrew Jackson (married, but no children).

Father’s Day Cont. on Page 5

Proof that you can never underestimate the innovation of American Farm Boys:

At a high school in Montana, a group of boy students played a prank . .. . . .. they let three goats loose inside the school.

But before turning them loose, they painted numbers on the sides of the goats: 1, 2 and 4.

School Administrators spent most of the day looking for No. 3.

Now that's funny, I don't care who you are.....

•••• Sleeping in could well be my SuperPower if it wasn't for my much more powerful ArchNemesis . . . Having to Pee. •••• I'm in Detroit with $80 in my pocket. I have to decide, do I want to buy myself a nice dinner? Or buy a house?

On Buying GOLD!

Are You Concerned About Your Financial Future?

Looking for a Safe Haven for your money?

Gold just might be your answer.

Since antiquity gold has always been one of the prime assets in an investment portfolio . . . yes, way back in biblical times gold was cherished, bought, and kept as a secure asset to deal with for the future.

Historically, investors and collectors hold gold and silver as protection for their savings and for their wealth at large. The United States has a storied history with precious metals, but whenever the purchasing power of the dollar has fallen the public has turned to gold and silver.

Whenever inflation would rear its ugly head, whenever uncertainty within the world, the price of gold would spike. Holders of gold coins or bullion would see the value of

On Buying Gold Cont. on Page 3

I'm beginning to believe our house may be haunted.

Everytime I look in a mirror some crazy old guy stands in front of me so I can't see my reflection. •••• If you can't laugh at yourself, call me. I have zero problem laughing at you.

•••• By the time I was 14 I had studied Gray's Anatomy, Brain Surgery, and Advanced Anesthesia.

I had performed 13 delicate brain surgeries by the time I was 15.

The fact that my patients were reluctant to undergo the surgery should not be held against me as I meant well.

Had they been a bit more cooperative I'm sure some of them might have even survived the surgery.

By the time I reached age 16 I decided to abandon, temporarily at least, brain surgery.

I took up a new profession as parttime Christmas Tree flocker.

It is seasonal.

I am considering a return to the profession of brain surgeon and have been scouting North San Diego County for likely candidates. Thus far, only a select few have qualified as (a) having brains, and (b) needed attention to the brain area. If you are having troubling, negative thoughts and would like a really nice and gentle brain surgeon, please contact me. We may be able to eliminate those troubling, negative thoughts. Brain surgery normally only lasts about 15 minutes, maybe a half hour, depending upon which time zone in which the operating theatre is located.

As you know, I also studied anesthesia and, most times, am able to anesthetize my patients to the point where they hardly ever feel much discomfort.

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A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentuck.

Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.