AWOL Issue 311

Classifieds

Your free weekly newspaper since 2008

issue 3 11 9 January 2015

Weird News To Hull And Back Puzzles To Boldly Go

nobby’s on his way former premier league star to manage hua hin city fc

hua hin, THAILAND It has been widely reported that the former Newcastle United, Aston Villa and West Ham United midfielder has agreed to become the new manager of our local football team, and was due in the area yesterday (Thursday 8th January) to officially sign the contract.

The 40 year old Peruvian had been looking for a managerial position for some time in the UK but has clearly ended that search, and taken on the task of securing promotion that the team just missed out on in the season just ended.

The deal was completed after financial backing was secured with unnamed sponsors, Siam Sport quoted Hua Hin team manager Rujipas Pinkaew as saying. Nolberto ‘Nobby’ Solano became something of a cult figure at Newcastle after spending almost a decade at the club in two spells, playing 314 games and scoring 38 goals, and represented Peru on more than 90 occasions. He was known for his hard-working attitude on the pitch and wand of a right boot during his career. After leaving the top tier of English football, he went on to play in Greece, his Peruvian homeland, Leicester, Hull and Hartlepool before retiring in 2012.

As well as the appointment of Solano it has been announced that there will be a number of changes to the coaching team and squad that won their division last season, but failed to get promotion via the ‘Champions League’.

Hua Hin City supporters will be in for another interesting season, as 2015 is meant to see a new stadium for the club as well, and a number of new players from abroad, with talk of several Brazilians being included. The new season is due to start in the middle of February, and once announced you will be able to follow the fixtures and results every week in AWOL.

Victor

guesthouse open 24/7

Naresdamri Rd. opposite Brasserie de Paris

Rooms/family suites in heart of Hua Hin a/c, lcd tv, dvd player, fridge, free premium wifi, cable TV www.victorguesthousehuahin.com

GET RACING FROM ONLY 400 BAHT! OPEN EVERYDAY 10.30AM - 7PM, LATE NIGHT BY APPOINTMENT Call 032 547 199 (Office) or 081 817 3000 (Mobile) Soi 2, Phetchkasem Road opposite Hua Hin Airport

www.gokarthuahin.com

Visit www.awolonline.net Live Band Every Mon,Thurs & Saturday from 7pm

“Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing but nobody else does.”

Wink with AWOL 081 649 8361 2

draught guinness Magners

BAR & RESTAURANT

BBQ, Ribs, Chops, Burgers, Snacks etc Eat In or Take Out Air con, Pool table, Draft Leo

Large domestic beers 110 baht

LIVE SPORTS TV including Premier League Football Open every day from 1pm - late

12/10 Soi Samoprong, Hua Hin Tel. 080 652 0531

HAPPY HOUR! 1 - 7pm Sangsom + mixer 40 baht Wine 55 baht Large domestic beers 65 baht

Located off the canal road north of the traffic lights; turn left at the blue bridge after the petrol station and right before the 7-11. We are about 100m up on the right.

Professional Maintenance for your Swimming Pool • • • • • • • • •

Twice weekly service (more for extra fee) Test water for correct chemical levels Add chemicals as required Clean and scrub tiles Vacuum pool/ spa Adjust water level Backwash filters Empty pump and skimmer baskets Inspect and maintain equipment Example price: 6 x 3 metre pool just 1500 baht a month Contact us NOW for a free inspection and quote for your pool or spa

Call 081 572 3996 or 086 802 5951 Email info@cnpoolservice.com Website www.cnpoolservice.com

www.lost-cafe.com

123/33 Soi Nong Kae, Takiab Road, Khao Takiab, Hua Hin

Sell it fast with AWOL Classifieds

belgian beers peroni

Advertise here from only 40 baht per week

AWOL PAGE 3

BROUGHT TO YOU BY easy car rental keeping you fully covered

Daily Prices: 2014 Toyota Yaris from ฿ 600 Honda City from ฿ 700 Toyota Fortuner from ฿ 900

includes Full Car Hire Insurance, Sat Nav, Dash Cam and Breakdown Cover

www.easycarhuahin.com Tel: 086 166 9880

AWOL with Manyun Photos coutesy of Haribo

this space now available for your advert!

Call us for prices on 081 649 8361 or email sales @ awolonline.net Join the AWOL forum

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your ad here from ฿66 a week

WEATHER

Call 081 649 8361 Email sales@awolonline.net

AND TIDES World weather (9-1-15)

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CITY Amsterdam Ankara Athens Auckland Beijing Berlin Buenos Aires Cairo Chicago Copenhagen Dubai Dublin Geneva Helsinki Ho Chi Minh City Hong Kong Islamabad Jakarta Jerusalem Johannesburg Karachi Kuala Lumpur London Madrid Manila Mexico City Moscow Mumbai New Delhi New York Oslo Paris Perth Phnom-Penh Rio De Janeiro Riyadh Rome San Francisco Seoul Shanghai Singapore Stockholm Sydney Taibei/Taipei Tokyo Vancouver Vientiane Yangon Zurich

Min. Max. Weather 3 8 Rain -15 -10 Overcast -1 6 Cloudy 16 24 Cloudy -3 7 Fine 2 6 Rain 21 33 Thunderstorms 7 12 Sandstorm -20 -10 Snow 3 6 Rain 15 23 Clear 4 7 Cloudy -2 6 Showers -4 -1 Overcast 23 32 Cloudy 14 18 Clear 4 19 Clear 24 32 Bright 0 5 Rain 16 31 Thunderstorms 14 29 Smoke 25 33 Thunderstorms 8 11 Bright 2 12 Fine 23 29 Cloudy 10 20 Drizzle -16 -10 Snow 17 31 Fine 6 15 Fog -14 -6 Fine -3 -2 Partly Cloudy 4 11 Rain 14 30 Clear 23 33 Clear 21 38 Cloudy 8 18 Clear 5 14 Mist 11 16 Fine -9 0 Fine 1 11 Fine 24 32 Thunderstorms -3 1 Partly Cloudy 20 28 Fine 11 17 Overcast 1 9 Fine 3 8 Bright 18 25 Overcast 17 31 Partly Cloudy 0 6 Showers

Local Forecast AND TIDES

Rain (mm) Conditions Temp. °C: High Low Tides: High Low Saturday Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday

0 Partly sunny and nice 0 Pleasant with clouds and sun 0 Pleasant with sun and clouds 0 Sunny, breezy and pleasant 0 Plenty of sunshine 0 Times of clouds and sun 0 Sun and areas of high clouds

29 29 29 28 29 30 31

22 22 21 21 21 22 22

09:06/ 18:54 01:22/ 15:19 09:20/ 19:47 01:47/ 15:49 09:37/ 20:46 02:11/ 16:23 09:51/ 22:10 02:30/ 17:01 09:57 02:36/ 17:47 09:58 18:41 09:52 19:36

thailand weather (8-1-15) Place Temp. Hum. Conditions Aranyaprathet 30 °C 53% Haze Bangkok 28 °C 70% Mostly Cloudy Bhumibol Dam 29 °C 55% Mostly Cloudy Bua Chum 27 °C 48% Overcast Chaiyaphum 27 °C 43% Haze Chanthaburi 30 °C 39% Haze Chiang Mai 26 °C 61% Light Rain Chiang Rai 27 °C 54% Mostly Cloudy Chumphon 31 °C 54% Scattered Clds Hat Yai 29 °C 79% Mostly Cloudy Kam Paeng Phet 29 °C 51% Mostly Cloudy Kanchanaburi 24 °C 94% Light Rain Khanom 31 °C 70% Mostly Cloudy Khlong Yai 31 °C 65% Mist Khon Kaen 28 °C 48% Mostly Cloudy Ko Lanta 30 °C 62% Mostly Cloudy Ko Samui 31 °C 70% Mostly Cloudy Ko Sichang 30 °C 58% Mostly Cloudy Krabi 30 °C 62% Mostly Cloudy Laemchabang 29 °C 78% Mostly Cloudy Lampang 27 °C 61% Mostly Cloudy Lamphun 24 °C 99% Light Rain Loei 26 °C 54% Overcast Lop Buri 28 °C 70% Mostly Cloudy Mae Hong Son 27 °C 54% Scattered Clds Mae Sariang 27 °C 58% Mist Mae Sot 28 °C 56% Mist Mukdahan 25 °C 47% Mostly Cloudy Nakhon Phanom 25 °C 47% Mostly Cloudy Nakhon Ratch. 24 °C 69% Mist Nakhon Sawan 27 °C 53% Overcast Nakhon Si Tham. 30 °C 70% Mostly Cloudy Nan 27 °C 45% Overcast

Place Temp. Hum. Conditions Narathiwat 27 °C 79% Overcast Nong Khai 28 °C 54% Mostly Cloudy Pattani 27 °C 79% Overcast Pattaya 28 °C 80% Haze Phayao 27 °C 54% Mostly Cloudy Phetchabun 29 °C 51% Mostly Cloudy Phetchaburi 28 °C 79% Scattered Clds Phitsanulok 29 °C 51% Mostly Cloudy Phrae 29 °C 45% Mostly Cloudy Phuket 30 °C 62% Mostly Cloudy Prachin Buri 28 °C 70% Mostly Cloudy Prachuap K.khan 28 °C 79% Scattered Clds Ranong 30 °C 57% Light Rain Rayong 28 °C 62% Haze Roi Et 28 °C 43% Partly Cloudy Sakon Nakhon 26 °C 54% Mostly Cloudy Sattahip 28 °C 62% Haze Satun 29 °C 79% Mostly Cloudy Songkhla 30 °C 66% Mostly Cloudy Suphan Buri 28 °C 70% Mostly Cloudy Surat Thani 31 °C 66% Partly Cloudy Surin 30 °C 45% Mostly Cloudy Tak 29 °C 55% Mostly Cloudy Takua Pa 30 °C 62% Mostly Cloudy Tha Tum 29 °C 57% Mostly Cloudy Tha Wang Pha 27 °C 45% Overcast Thong Pha Phum 25 °C 86% Mist Trang 26 °C 89% Mostly Cloudy Ubon Ratchathani 32 °C 36% Scattered Clds Udon Thani 28 °C 48% Mostly Cloudy Uttaradit 29 °C 55% Mostly Cloudy Wichian Buri 28 °C 42% Overcast

Sell it fast with AWOL Classifieds

Advertise here from only 40 baht per week Fully Licensed Restaurant Open 11am to 9pm Closed Mondays

Orchid Restaurant 94

Top Quality Thai & International Food from our Thai and Internationally Trained English Chefs Delicious Traditional Sunday Lunches

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Every week from noon we serve Pork (290 baht) and one of Lamb or Beef (340 baht) with all the trimmings; check our Facebook page for regular updates.

Reservations Recommended on 092 357 8185

orchid rest. 94

All Day Breakfasts from 11am

s o i 9 4

Full English 170 baht, Small 130 baht

Great Value Quality Steaks

Black Angus Australian Sirloin and trimmings just 499 baht to market village

phetchkasem road to khao takiab

Daily Specials

Check our blackboard for different dishes every day 088 186 7495 (Thai) 092 357 8185 (Eng) Orchid 94 Restaurant

LAND AND PROPERTY FOR SALE IN PRANBURI/PAK NAM PRAN LAND HOUSE/LAND 45 RAI (72,000 sqm) in Pak Nam Pran 2.2m baht per rai 2 RAI 392 SQ. WAH (4768 sqm) in Pranburi 3.8m baht

1 RAI 46 SQ. WAH (1784 sqm) in Pranburi 3.8m baht

Please call 081 614 8728 Join the AWOL forum

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v A b al W u id ff t O o a o L n l 1 ly o 6/ ta 1/ (d v 15 r e a in r t k n s n o t in c lu d e d )

Visit www.awolonline.net

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Public House and restaurant

new! kepplers irish cider

on draught just 160 baht a pint Plus thatchers cider in bottles all day breakfast from 8.30am sunday roast available every day childrens menu Our rooms are currently being renovated large outside sun terrace and free WIFI www.buffalobillshuahin.com

info@buffalobillshuahin.com

Located on the corner of Chomsin/ Naresdamri rd by the fishing pier For bookings or more information call 085 291 8685, 080 727 4710 or fax 032 530087

Call 082 298 0500 or 081 649 8361 Property Email realestate@luckyhuahin.com or property@awolonline.net Marketplace gated community with great facilities

Price: from 2.7m baht

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Ref No. 032583

beautiful land in west hua hin

Price: 1.5 m baht

Contact owner on 088 894 6100

1 rai (1600sq m) Tab Tai area Mountain views 16km to town Overlooking stream Dual access front and back to public roads

Underground utilities Private pool 8km from town 2, 3 or 4 bedrooms Living: from 91 sqm Land: from 300 sqm

new pool villas in south hua hin

Price: from 3.9 m baht for 2 bed to 6.8 m baht for 3 bed Ref No. 032553

peaceful 3 bed villa in s/w hua hin

Price: 9.3 m baht

7 design options Sun Roof Decks Easy access to town Full Air Con Packs Clubhouse 24 hour security

Sell it fast with AWOL Classifieds

Ref No. 032582

Euro fitted kitchen Private pool Convenient location 3 bedrooms Separate Annexe Land: 600 sqm

Advertise here from only 40 baht per week

Bobby’s British Breakfast Foods UK Sausages, Ham, Bacon, Pies, Teas etc.

SERVED UP BY...

Call 087 155 7737 or 089 985 7473

A section for all you budding etymologists where each week the origin of a word or phrase is investigated. complete, as in this example from Edward Hall’s The This week it is..... Prime time Union of the Noble and Illustre Famelies of Lancastre The time of day when the TV audience is at its largest.

We now associate the term ‘prime time’ with TV ratings and York, 1548: and advertising, that is, the prime slot for the placing of “In ye pryme tyme of the yere he toke his iorney TV adverts. In that context it originated in the USA soon towardes Yorke.” [In the Spring he took his journey to after WWII; for example, this piece from The Wall Street York] Many European languages have had a form of ‘prime’ Journal, January 1947: “Columbia Broadcasting System, for instance, has meaning ‘first/primary’, for example, ‘prime’, in English/ an unsold hour of prime time on Tuesday nights, Middle Dutch/Middle German, ‘prim’, in Swedish/ Danish/Icelandic, ‘prima’, in Spanish/Portuguese/Italian beginning at 9:30.”

A prior usage of ‘prime time’ had been coined many etc. These all stem from the Latin ‘prima’ (first hour). centuries earlier, to mean Spring or ‘at the beginning’ (of In addition to the Chaucerian ‘Spring’, the Latin ‘prima’ the day, of life etc.). It is likely to have been inherited into was also the source of ‘prime’ as the name of the first of English from the French word for Spring - Printemps. the canonical hours of prayer of the Catholic Church.

Geoffrey Chaucer used the term in the late 14th century, This gave us a yet earlier meaning of ‘prime time’, that in his translation of the French lyric poem The Romance is, ‘early morning’, the time when the first prayers were offered. Old English texts which include references to of the Rose: “Daunger... is feers of his cheer, At prime temps, Love this ‘prime’ include The Rule of Saint Benedict, which dates from circa 530. to manace. “ & “Pryme temps full of frostes whit, And May devoide Is there an English phrase or saying that you would of al delit.”

By the 16th century, the Anglicization to ‘prime time’ was like to know more about?

Email it to us on submissions@awolonline.net

EVERY ADVERT IN AWOL IS SEEN

BY UP TO 4000 people, online and in print every week

********** In 2013 the AWOL website had an average of over 2,000 unique visitors a week

Terrace 90

Open: 2pm - 10pm (Last order at 9.30pm) From 1 Dec. Open 11am for Lunch

• Authentic BBQ St. Louis Ribs and Tex Mex • Great Margaritas and Cocktails • Imported and Local Beers • Lamb Chops and Steaks from the Grill Check Facebook and our Website for Specials E-mail: terrace90@gmail.com

Website: www.Terrace90.com

https://th-th.facebook.com/terrace90 Most Major Credit 032 516 587 Cards Accepted 250/133 Soi 90, Hua Hin

All You Care To Eat Buffet Every Tuesday from 6pm With BBQ, Roasts, Pasta, Salads, Soups, Fresh Baked Bread and Dessert plus so much more 399 Baht Children 250 Baht

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AWOL Sudoku

Dream

solve your dining puzzles at dream restaurant & bar

Restaurant & Bar

Soi 88 (just up from Stand Online) Buffet on Fridays just 279 baht Swedish/Thai/European Food

Puzzle 2

Puzzle 1

Last issue’s solutions

0915094729 Th/Eng 0805626735 Swe/Eng

Puzzle 2 (Hard)

Puzzle 1 (Easy)

Each week we have an easy and a hard Sudoku puzzle. Just fill in the empty squares so that each horizontal and vertical line, and each section, has all the numbers 1 to 9.

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EXPAT INSURANCE SOLUTIONS Health (up to 85), Car, Motorbike, House, Commercial.

Full medical cover for expats worldwide Travel insurance specialist (including as required for Schenghen visas) Soi 94, last unit on left before railway

085 962 2232 or 032 512075 franckracinesiamconsulting@gmail.com www.siam-consulting.asia www.asiaexpatinsurance.com

ALL NATIONS

hua hin

guesthouse and bar 12 rooms from 350 baht a night free wifi for guests 032 512747

allnationshuahin@ gmail.com Drop your AWOL Classifieds in here

Sell it fast with AWOL Classifieds

Advertise here from only 40 baht per week

weird NEWS usa Couple get trapped in unlocked cupboard for two days while ‘high on drugs’ A couple who were ‘high on drugs’ managed to become trapped in a janitor’s cupboard for two days, only to find it was unlocked the whole time. Amber Campbell, 25, and John Arwood, 31 broke into the Marine and Environmental Science Center in Daytona, Florida and found a closet where they allegedly smoked crystal meth and crack cocaine. In their intoxicated state the pair forgot how to exit the cupboard, and were trapped inside for two days before they finally decided to call the police on Tuesday.

Officers went to the building where the strong smell of excrement led them to the entrapped couple. Upon freeing them, the police found two days’ worth of faeces and urine in the cupboard, along with drug smoking paraphernalia. Ms Campbell and Mr Arwood could only enjoy their freedom momentarily, as they were instantly arrested for trespassing.

Officers were unable to find a way to lock the door, and could not figure out how the pair became trapped in the cupboard.

australia Family reunion with a difference – young man is saved from drowning by long-lost father Benji Baker, 21, had hoped to calm his nerves by kayaking just off Bondi beach in Australia before reuniting with his father, Phil, at a pre-arranged meeting. While out on the water, he suffered an epileptic fit. His father, who happened to be walking along the beach, dived into the water to help out what he perceived to be simply a group of sea-kayakers in trouble.

Phil Baker spoke of the crazy coincidence: ‘I took off my T-shirt and threw my keys on to the sand, diving into the water, I saw there were two instructors on board and a man lying across the middle. He was shaking violently.

Linking arms with one instructor, I helped to carry the man out of the water.’

Mr Baker said: ‘I asked the instructor, “What’s his name?”

He replied, “Benji”.In an instant I knew that stranger was my boy. I checked his breathing and pulse and said, ‘It’s me, your dad. You’re going to be OK.’ While Benji was born in Australia, he grew up in the UK with his mother after his parents split up. Sadly, father and son had lost contact despite attempts at email conversations during which time Phil’s son was diagnosed with epilepsy.

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a big thank you

For our first issue of 2015 we want to thank all of the following current and past advertisers for their support, prompt payment, kind words, friendship and for simple things like answering the phone or returning calls or emails and not hiding behind excuses to avoid paying their bill. We are happy to have advertised your businesses and hope that many of you will continue to do so.

Happy New Year to you all.

CURRENT: All In Hua Hin, All Nations Hua Hin, Bobby’s Bar /British Breakfast Foods /The Dartman, Buffalo Tavern, CN Pool Service, Dizzy Dolphin, Dream Guesthouse, Easy Car Hua Hin, Go Kart Hua Hin, Hot Property, Hua Hin Ham, Bacon & Meat Co., Legal Services HH, Lets Eat, Lost cafe huahin, Lucky Real Estate, Lucky Shot, Orchid Restaurant 94, Railway Tavern, Re/Max, Red Piano, S & S Restaurant, Siam Consulting, Terrace 90 Hua Hin, Tik’s Place, Victor Guesthouse Huahin

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PREVIOUS: 45 - Belgian Cafe and Restaurant, ACTA Lawyer, All Nations Cafe, Aloha Guest House, Ambassador Fashions, Atlantis Bar, Baan Bua 96, Baan Warin, Bar Tender/Tapas Garden, Beach Hut Bar, Beer O’clock Club, Big Bikes, Black Rock View Villas, Blue Lagoon, Blue Moon Hotel, Boapa’s Place, Braze Head Tattoo, British Chamber Of Commerce, Buckley’s, Burgers and Beer, Cajutan/Montri restaurant, California Steak House and Cantina, Capt Dougs, Carrick’s Inn, Castle Foods, Century 21, Cha Am Pub, Cha Am Spa & Beauty, Chameleon, Cheap Charlies, Cheeky Monkey, Chess Club, Cider Thailand, Cookies, Court Flex, Credenda Associates/Oyster Bay, Crepes & Co, CS Golf Shop/Car Wash, Curly’s Bar & Bistro, Dara’s Bar, Dash Cha Am, Day Trips Cha Am Ceramics, DeVere Group, Dick’s Office, Dolphin Bar, Dream Restaurant, Dusita Bowling Club, ECO Friendly Pest Control, EMM Consultancy, Eriksson, Farm Bed & Breakfast, Flying Fin, Free Time Bar, Global Investments International, Grand Concert/Boxing, Green Lotus, Happy Bar, Harley’s Bar, Headrock, Hua Hin Development, Hua Hin Fitness, Hua Hin Game Fishing, Hua Hin Golf Shop, Hua Hin Home Watch, Hua Hin House Care, Hua Hin Miss You, Hua Hin Motorcycles, Hua Hin Private Investigators, Hua Hin Second Hand Shop, Hua Hin Yacht Club, Insight English, JB Consultancy Services, Jimmy’s, Jungle Juice, Just Like Mom’s, Kaoz Bar, Karoon GH Restaurant, King Bar, Kings Cup Mountain Bike Challenge, Kom Hom, Koskenkorva, Larry’s Fondue House, Lets Go Potty, Limelight, Lin’s Cafe, Lolitas/Hornblowers, London Bar, Magic Carpet, Mailbox Shop, Margaritas, Mats Motorbikes, Maya’s Bistro, Mighty Mikes, Mini Golf, Miss Nong’s Pantry Pies, Music Station, Nang’s Artyard, Neo by Tony, Net Cafe on 94, Noi’s Pit Stop, Nova Decoration, Ob-Oon (Putharacsa), Observer, Palm Bistro & Wine Bar, Pawn Phan Tong, Phoenix Bar, Play Sport Coaching, Play Sports Lounge, Pool 51, PropertyThailand.net, RS Consulting, Rumours, Rung Office, Sabai Restaurant, Sakura Sushi, Sauna World, Second Hand Shop, Secrets, Shake Central, Shooters Bar, Siam Pearl, Smart Alarm/Smart LED Display, Snoopy’s Bar, Sopa’s Scooter Hire, Sopha Land and House, Souay Vista Social Club, SPS Building Services, Storage Solutions, Sunset Boulevard, Susannas Restaurant/ Bar Donna, Talk Of The Town, Thai Alphabet Flashcards, Thai Language Centre, Thai Teacher (Pear), Thailand Real Estate TV/ Real Estate Cafe, Thannapatson Art, The Clansmen, The Dutchman, The Emerald, The Fat Cat, The Lord Webb, The Office, The Squealing Pig, The Tavern, The White Swan, Ticket to the Moon/Shanti Planet, Tik’s Place, TK Roadhouse, TNT Bar, Touch Thailand/Hua Hin Butler, Uncle Bryn’s Restaurant, V Bar, Victoria I and II, WECI, West River School, Wildlife Friends Thailand, William Tell Restaurant, Xplore Asia, Your Image Fixer, Zab Wer

There has also been many individuals who have taken out display or classified ads since we started who we would also like to thank. Some of the businesses listed have changed names or are no longer in existence but we wanted to record this list for posterity.

If we have forgotten anybody we apologise - there were just too many.

The following businesses have also advertised in AWOL since we began in 2008;

A.N.D.Y Plastering Services, Bob & Noks, Captain’s Fish and Chip Shop, Hua Hin Bicyclists, Hua Hin Property and Land, Hua Hin Tech Services, Ital Thai Cafe Restaurant, KAT-Tech Engineering Co., Ltd, Lawn Bowls Hua Hin, Mai Thai cruises, Pat’s Greeting Cards, ProZone Coaching, PS Legal Group, Red Bar, Return Bar, Sinatras, thaipropertydirect.com, The Bridge Khao Takiab, The Donkey’s Rest, The Falafel on the tracks.

Sell it fast with AWOL Classifieds

Advertise here from only 40 baht per week

s &S Indian

Soi 94 Certificate of Excellence restaurant 2012, 2013, 2014 Curries from only 90 baht Eat in or takeaway 081 455 5298 Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19 They’ll say what you did to all those nurses was unspeakable and ugly, but you know in your heart they’re all really just jealous.

Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 18 You may have great quantities of bravado, élan, and puissance, but there’s no way to be sure until you find out what those words mean.

Pisces Feb 19 – Mar 20 The stars foresee many amazing things ahead of you this week, but really, they’re too good to just tell you about in advance.

ARIES Mar 21 - Apr 20 You’re sick and tired of being treated like a child, except for the sexy parts where they change your dirty, filthy diapers.

Power Of Love Church HELP NEEDED FOR THE SLUMS IN HUA HIN

We are working to help the Slums of Hua Hin and would love to have you deliver your goods with us, so you know your donation is going directly to those who need it. We need secondhand items, clothes and household goods.

Why not join us and come to the slums with us?

We leave from our offices at 17:20 Every Tuesday evening. Visit us any day, on Soi 88, over the railway, 200m up on the left, 2nd floor above IQ hair dressers Facebook@Power of Love Church Tel K. Andrew 080 999 3603 K. Panaya 092 592 3604 (Thai) (Services every Sunday 10 am at Hilton Resort and Spa)

Taurus Apr 21 – May 21 Remember: If you give in to the impulses to do whatever you want with your life, you’ll become one of those happy, satisfied people you resent so much.

Gemini May 22 – June 21 You may treasure the sense of mystery you have about the future, but really, learning the days of the week won’t ruin the magic.

Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 22 Travel and adventure are in your future this week as your captors continue crossing state lines to stay one step ahead of the law.

Leo Jul 23 – Aug 22 You’ll wake up naked in a hotel bed between the corpses of a prostitute and a district attorney and have no memory of what happened, but presumably it’s the same situation as last time.

Virgo Aug 23 – Sep 22 You’ll soon experience redoubled energy, a renewed sense of purpose, and a profound rush of confidence, proving once again that cocaine cannot be trusted.

Libra Sep 23 – Oct 23 Your sneaking feeling that people are out to get you just shows how delusional you are, as you should know damn good and well that they’re out to get you.

Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 21 They say lightning never strikes twice, which doesn’t explain what’s been happening to you at three o’clock every Wednesday for the past three months.

Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 21 You always dreamed of being a human cannonball, but you had no idea that advances in artillery technology would limit your career to a very small number of appearances.

Soi 80 Bar For Sale Nikita Bar • Premier drinking and entertainment area • Perfect location right in the middle of Soi 80 • Comes with full Thai Company setup • Established bar and clientele • Front bar with ample seating • Back bar with full size quality pool table & seating area • Large screen TV, computer, internet, sound system • Two upstairs newly refurbished rooms • Upstairs and downstairs toilet • 3 Years of 5 Year contract remaining at 12k/month • Lively area with considerable expat and tourist footfall • Perfect live in business or investment

Call 080-929-6770 (English) 086-717-8717 (Thai) Or Email: simoninbangkok@hotmail.co.uk Offers around 1.5MB Join the AWOL forum

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AWOL codeword

an a to z of good food at let’s eat

Let’s Eat RESTAURANT Open 9am to 9pm English Breakfast and Thai Food Soi 3 Khao Takiab (next to 7-11) Call 082 248 0345 or 089 450 5755

Each letter in this puzzle is represented by a number 1-26.

Can you crack the code and solve the crossword? Every letter of the alphabet is used at least once. Three letters are already in place to get you started. Use the 1-26 small grid to keep track.

Last Issue’s Solution

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A N

B O

C P

D Q

E R

F S

G H T U

I J K V W X

L Y

M Z

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS A non-profit fellowship of men and women for whom drugs have become a major problem

Meetings now in Hua Hin every Sunday at 11.30am and every Thursday at 6pm Contact Add 086 014 7585 Emmanuel K. 090 438 387 Mark 084 314 1928

This advert just 300 baht a week!*

Sell it fast with AWOL Classifieds

*when booked for 13 issues

Advertise here from only 40 baht per week

Send your jokes to submissions@ awolonline.net and get your name in print!

Brought to you by The Railway Tavern

the doctor After his exam the doctor asked the elderly man: “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?”

“In fact, I do,” said the old man. “After I have sex with my wife, I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually cold and chilly.”

Later, after examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: “Everything appears To be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?”

She replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then said to her: “Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex with you the first time, and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?”

“Oh that crazy old fart,” she replied.

“That’s because the first time is usually in July and the second time is in December.” first pint I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint.

Got him a Fosters ..... he didn’t like it - I had it.

Then I got him Carlsberg, he didn’t like it so I had it.

Contacting AWOL Telephone:

Facebook: Twitter: Office:

081 649 8361 (Eng) or 081 614 8728 (Thai) AWOLexpat awolhuahin 136/229 Emerald Hill, Soi 6, Borfai, Hua Hin, 77110, Prachuap Kiri Khan

Railway Tavern

Motorbikes for Rent

Daily, weekly or long term It was the same with Guinness and Cider.

By the time we got down to the whisky I could hardly push the bloody pram home. little johnny A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Little Johnny says “I want to be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day”.

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behaviour of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.

“And you, Susie? “ the teacher asks.

Susie says “I want to be Johnny’s bitch.”

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buy, sell, rent or lease, this is the place to do it with ease

Business Larry’s Bar for sale soi 80, Price 250,000 baht, 3 room second floor, 2 aircons, Rent 13,000 baht/month, call Larry, 0901389361 established restaurant/bar for sale. Prime location in Khao Takiab near Wora-Bora and Amari Hotels. 3 year rolling lease paid up to Sept. 2015 (15,000 baht/month), 2 eating areas/bar, 2 kitchens, 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms and private lounge upstairs, all clean and maintained. Price includes stock, appliances, equipment, furniture etc. 1.1m baht o.n.o. E-mail howard_coates56@yahoo.co.uk tel. 090 445 5806 for details.

Rooms available in family run guesthouse from 3,000 baht a month. Weekly and daily rates available. Tiks Place at VIP Condo just north of Hua Hin airport. Please call David on 092 927 7207 or email davidhodgins@ymail.com for more information. wanted guesthouse/hotel within 400m of beach near central Hua Hin. Call 081 817 3000

SERVICES PERSONAL CASH MANAGEMENT Ex-pat with 42 years international corporate banking experience available to assist with cash management, investment management and all matters related with your financial health. If you need help e-mail Paul on globalsutton@gmail.com reasonable rates.

Employment STAFF WANTED for modern Ladies Hair Salon near Amari. Full-Time or Part-Time.

Full training can be given. Please call 089 915 1466 (eng) or 096 162 8306 (thai).

Architectural draftsman, Job offered; Full time job for an Architectural Draftsman, part time jobs for Handy Men, part time job for Webmaster, and part time job for Home cleaning service Staff (Thai citizens only). Call 081 253 1443 or email info@thailand-immobilien.ch

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Legal Services @ makro

084 881 8396 Staff wanted feMale waitress staff wanted full training given; MUST HAVE A BRAIN!! Email info@ buffalobillshuahin.com or call 080 727 4710 guesthouse requires staff - maid, daytime and nighttime staff and security guard. Please call 081 817 3000 or 087 155 6115

General 60 Liter PORTABLE FRIDGE FREEZER (Australian designed and built for use in pickups/4X drives) Ideal for keeping food frozen on long shopping trips or beer cold (90 cans!) Cooling Capacity +10c to -18c. New Baht 34k - SELL - Baht 25k ONO -(view web: www.arb.com.au/products/arb-freezer-fridges) Call Patrick/Kan - 0877 124 630 (Soi 88) WATERTANK 1,000 Liter blue, very clean, full function, 2,500 BAHT, in Cha-Am, near Golden Beach Hotel, call for more information 080 773 54 96

General - sports springfield lifetime golf membership for sale. 385,000 baht full price (includes transfer fee) or best offer. Email Paul at PDORMISTON@GMAIL.COM Golf membership for sale Lake View 100,000 baht includes transfer call Doug 094482 5968 COMPLETE SET OF Ladies King Cobra golf clubs for sale. Irons 4-5-6-7-8-9-PW-SWPutter + Driver, 3 & 5 metal woods, includes a light carry bag. Very good condition 6,500 Baht. Phone 092 790 6546 Lake View golf membership for sale. 8 years, 85.000bt. Plus transfer 13.000bt.

Phone Tony, 0876947289.

Springfield Golf Membership Springfield Hua Hin-Sell 15 years family golf membership started November 23,2006 and still valid for 7 years from now. Price 70,000 baht + transfer. Contact Claude Email: thaifran@gmail.com, Tel: 0851950615 Golf clubs for sale Set of Slazenger ‘Firesteel 2’ clubs Incl. 1,2 & 3 woods, 5,6,7,8,9 Irons. Pitching wedge, Sand wedge. 18deg Skymax Hybrid (new) + Donnay 10.5deg (Fairway?) wood. Dunlop putter, recently re-gripped (fat grip). All above including Slazenger bag, for 9000 Thai Baht. Additional: Top Flight 10.5deg Titanium Syncroflex no. 1 Wood 2000 Thai Baht. Call Terry on 088 542 2918

auto: 3 wheels & LESS honda cbr 250cc Candy Apple Red, 4000 km, registered Dec 2012. Price 85,000 or very near offer. Please call 081 817 3000 Yamaha fino blue and white 20 months old 7,800 km 25,000 baht. Call 081 817 3000

auto: 4 wheels pluS NISSAN, silver metallic, like new, MARCH 1200 cc, 79kW, automatic, first date 6/2012, tax and insurance paid, accident-free (100%), only 35,000 km, long distances, all inspections, 1 driver, non-smoker, best conditions, 5.8 l / 100 km, original price 620,000 BAHT, selling price 50% = 310,000 BAHT, basis for negotiable, for more information please call 080 773 5496 in North Cha-Am Beach. just reduced! honda Jazz 1.5 Vtec in black, excellent all round condition. Top of the range model, with 7-speed automatic/manual transmission. One owner from new, full Honda service history with invoices. First reg July 2007, travelled only 59,000 km.

Taxed to July 2015, Class 1 insurance with AXA to 22 May 2015, fully transferable at no cost. 295,000 baht ono. Please call Tony on 085 224 2095

Wanted Looking for tennis partner (or joining a team of 4), 1 or 2 times a week. Medium level. Robert tel. 098 356 2290

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Advertise here from only 40 baht per week Beautiful two storey house in Hua Hin; 12.5 m baht. Go to www.awolonline. net/property or luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.

Property for sale land for sale 1 rai (1600sq mtr) level building block in Tab Tai with mountain views.

Green Chanot (title). (16km/23min) from Market Village. Power, water and concrete road 50 metres. 2.5 metre concrete and wire fence on one side. Dual access front and back to public roads. Flood free overlooking Sam Phan Nam stream. 1.5 million thai baht. Call Ian 0888946100 best sea view condo in Khao Takiab for sale. 63.5 sqm, corner unit, 2 bed, 2 bath, with unobstructed sea and golf course view. See pictures on www.409bvv.weebly.com, Price 5.5 m baht, just reduced!. Contact owner on 086 166 9880 or email via website.

POOL VILLAS on small development at great prices in Hua Hin; from 3.49m baht. Go to luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.

Fully furnished villa 3 bed off Canal Road; 5.7m baht. Go to www.awolonline. net/property or luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details. european style villa, 3 bed, 2 bath between Hua Hin and Cha Am; 5.2m baht. Go to www.awolonline.net/property or luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details. stunning L shaped Borfai bungalow; 9.9m baht. Go to www.awolonline.net/ property or luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details. large bungalow near town centre; 4.5m baht. Go to www.awolonline.net/ property or luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details. villa on large plot near Cha Am; 3.5m baht. Go to www.awolonline.net/property or luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.

POOL VILLAS on small development at great prices in Hua Hin; from 3.49m baht. Go to luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details. beautiful new houses on quiet project;from 3m baht. Go to luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details. attractive house on small gated village; 3.6m baht. Go to luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.

Delightful small house in Hua Hin; just 1.8m baht. Go to luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.

Four Bed Villa On Stilts 4.9m baht. Go to www.awolonline.net/property or luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.

Fully furnished villa 3 bed off Canal Road; 5.7m baht. Go to www.awolonline. net/property or luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details. pool villa overlooking lake in Hua Hin, 2 bed; 6.9m baht. Go to www.awolonline. net/property or luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details. large house/land near Palm Hills, 4 bed; 4.5m baht.Go to www.awolonline.net/ property or luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.

Property wanted I am looking for a 3 bedroom villa on a secure private, completed development, with a swimming pool, close to Hua Hin and the beach, budget no more than 5m baht. For sale by the owner only. Contact 080 100 4194 long term rental properties wanted, particularly pool villas in good areas. Please contact Lucky Real Estate on 089 530 8771 or realestate@luckyhuahin.com

commercial property sunrise coast commercial properties - we have a variety of land, resorts and other commercial opportunities available in the Bang Saphan area. Contact 089 530 8771 for details.

property for Rent for rent one bedroom single houses, fully furnished with a/c unit in bedroom.

Ten units available at Baan Skaarstein opposite temple in Soi 6, Borfai, Hua Hin. Rent negotiable depending on length of stay. Contact: Jim: 089 910 3199, Nok: 085 744 5758 or Aon: 095 675 3540 (Thai) for rent two bedroom bungalow in Baan Suksabai Soi 102. 3 a/c units. Rent negotiable depending on length of stay. Call for viewing Jim: 089 910 3199, Nok: 085 744 5758 or Aon: 095 675 3540 unfurnished detached 2 bed, 2 bath bungalow with undercover carport & gardens on secured quiet beachside complex close to airport. use of two swimming pools, gym and private access to beach. 10,000bht. per month, negotiable. min. one year contract. Please call David on 092 927 7207 or email davidhodgins@ymail.com for more information. lovely House for rent on Palm Hills golf course; 20,000 baht per month (min. 6 months). More details on www.luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771

announcements new! make your personal or business announcement here; Weddings, Birthdays, Funerals, Obituaries, Barmitzvahs, Parties, anything! Up to 50 words just 100 baht for two issues, up to 150 words plus a picture for 300 baht for two issues. Place ads and pay online on the Announcements board of the AWOL Forum at www.awolonline.net/ forum/index.php?board=16, or in person at our office, or by emailing us and transfering the payment to our bank. Contact submissions@awolonline.net for help or information.

SALES AND RENTALS

NEW DEVELOPMENTS - PRE-OWNED HOMES CONDOS & APARTMENTS - VILLAS & HOUSES RESORTS - BUSINESSES - LAND Contact: Tel.: 082 298 0500 E-mail: realestate@luckyhuahin.com Website: luckyhuahin.com Join the AWOL forum

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MONEY & INFORMATION

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overseas calls information

Useful Numbers

REVERSE CHARGE CALLS The list below is the free number you need to call to connect to an operator of that country to request the reverse charge call.

ARGENTINA 001-999-54-1000/ 2000 AUSTRALIA 001-999-61-1000/2000 AUSTRIA 001-800-28787421 BAHRAIN 001-999-973-1000 BRUNEI 001-999-673-1000 CANADA 001-999-15-1000/2000 DENMARK 001-999-45-1000 FRANCE 001-999-33-1000 GERMANY 001-999-49-1000 HAWAII 001-800-865-8424 HONG KONG 001-999-852-1086 INDONESIA 001-999-62-1000/2000 ISRAEL 001-999-972-1000/ 2000 ITALY 001-999-39-1000 JAPAN 001-999-811-0051 KOREA 001-999-82-1000/2000/2001 MACAU 001-999-853-1000 MALAYSIA 001-999-60-1000/4000/4001 MALTA 001-999-356-1000 MEXICO 001-999-52-1000 NEPAL 001-800-977-1-9999 NETHERLANDS 001-999-31-1035 NEW ZEALAND 001-999-64-1066 PHILIPPINES 001-999-63-1000/3000/6000 PORTUGAL 001-999-351-1000 RUSSIA 001-999-7-1000 SINGAPORE 001-999-65-0000/2008 SOUTH AFRICA 001-999-27-1000 SPAIN 001-999-34-1066 TAIWAN 001-999-886-1000 U.A.E. 001-999-971-1000 U.K. 001-999-44-1066 U.S.A. 001-999-1-1111/2001/2002 AWOL would like to thank the staff at CAT in Hua Hin for providing the above numbers.

FREE CALLS If your mobile phone or device and that of the person you are calling supports it, you can use a number of apps to make free calls anywhere, with the best known being Skype and Viber. cheap calls The mobile phone operators offer special numbers to prefix an international number to get cheap rate international calls. More information call True 1331 AIS 1175 DTAC 1678

Police 191 Crime 195 Fire 199 Traffic Control Centre 197 Highway Police 1193 Tourist Police 1699 Tourist Service Centre 1155 Missing Persons 02 282 1815 Hua Hin Police Station 032 511 027 Hua Hin Tourist Police 032 516 219 Cha-Am Police Station 032 471 321 Bangkok Hospital Hua Hin 1719 Hua Hin Hospital 032 511 743 San Paulo Hospital 032 532 576 to 585 Hua Hin Red Cross 032 512 567 Hua Hin Municipality 032 532433 Hua Hin Tessabahn 032 511 047 Hua Hin Immigration Of. 032 520 616 Hua Hin Bus Terminal (non air-con) 032 511 230 (air-con) 032 511654, 512543 Hua Hin Railway Station 032 511 073 Tourist Information 032 513 885 Hua Hin Electricity 032 512 215 Electricity Call Centre 1129 Hua Hin Water 032 511 677 TOT 032 519 000/001 TT&T 032 532 018 CAT 032 511 350 Alcholics Anonymous 0870 620 098 Narcotics Anonymous 084 314 1928 Local radio hua hin skyweb 98.25 FM and online at www. huahinskywebradio.com featuring English DJ.Phil Keekuee from 11am - 1pm and 4 - 6pm Monday to Friday and 11am - 2pm and 3 - 6pm Saturdays

RE/MAX Harmony

Residential - Commercial - Investment Property Office: 032 511 740 E-mail: harmony@remax.co.th www.remax.co.th/harmony

Exchange Rates (7-1-15) TT Buying rate Currency Baht US Dollar 32.77 Pound Sterling 49.50 Euro 38.79 Japanese Yen 27.42 Malaysian Ringgit 8.54 Singapore Dollar 24.38 Brunei Dollar 23.64 Chinese Yuan 5.27 Indonesian Rupiah 2.41 Indian Rupee 0.47 Korean Won 0.03 Australian Dollar 26.30 New Zealand Dollar 25.28 Swiss Franc 32.29 Danish Krone 5.22 Norwegian Krone 4.21 Swedish Krona 4.12 Canadian Dollar 27.60 UAE Dirham 7.32 Bahrain Dinar 63.32 Omani Rial 62.47 Qatar Riyal 7.21 AWOL makes no warranties, express or implied, regarding these rates and shall not be liable for any losses or damages incurred in connection with them.

cryptic Crossword Solution

Local Consular Representatives CANADIAN Rick Pomerleau 087 153 3817 or e-mail on rickpomerleau@hotmail.com FINNISH Mr. Sipi Siljamaeki 087-911 8119 or e-mail: suthiporn.siljamaki@gmail.com AMERICAN Mr. Christopher Byrd 081-173 4469 or e-mail: chrs@tourdeasia.org

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to hull

and back

Mags Meanderings: From Som Tam To Mushy Peas

old mags almanac I am never quite sure how to work out when 12th Night is, but you can be sure that by the time you read this the Christmas decorations will be packed away again in the Mags household. The cards will be ready for recycling in those handy bins that the likes of W H Smith place in their shops, and that really naff unwanted gift will be in the bag destined for a charity shop.

New Year is a time dogged by superstition. When is it safe to put the new calendar up for instance? How long is too long to leave up the decorations?

Once upon a time we even hung on to those unwanted gifts for fear of being outed by some malicious little elf who was sure to spill the beans. Unlike Thai people who have no qualms at all about ‘re-gifting’ - in other words passing it on. Sometimes even without unwrapping it.

But things are changing in England, and re-gifting has suddenly become more acceptable. Which is fine if you have a very diverse circle of family and friends. For now I’ll stick with the charity shop option.

Thankfully though my ‘wish list’ has never included an Xbox or Playstation, and never will. Unlike the many thousands of children who received those rather expensive bits of kit for Christmas, only to be left ‘devastated’ when hackers took down the internet connections needed for them to function.

This well timed piece of Christmas Day hacking reportedly left Christmas wrecked, teenagers in tears, and parents screaming for compensation.

Come on folks - get a grip. Send the kids out with their skateboards and dust off the Scrabble.

Dream Guesthouse Cheap room for rent from just 350 baht

0915094729 Th/Eng 0805626735 Swe/Eng

Soi 94 (1st left after 7-11)

won’t.

Both will make a lot of noise about new high speed rail systems. Neither will materialise.

A horse will win the Grand National.

Strictly Come Dancing will continue to bore the pants off us all.

There will still be horses on Hua Hin beach.

Unsuspecting ‘newbies’ will continue to arrive in the Land of Smiles with dreams of making a living in paradise.

Hull City FC will be relegated - again.

Who needs Old Moore?

Do you tope? If so you might want to sign up to ‘dry January’ which we talked about last time, because this weeks word ‘tope’ is a verb meaning to regularly drink too much.

And now to my predictions for 2015.

The UK will have a general election - Thailand probably won’t.

The UK will have a new Royal baby - Thailand probably

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balloon chasers

Get an insight to the happenings in and around the area

Parties, special deals, regular events, celebrations and more; to get it in AWOL email info@awolonline.net. recently added and coming soon say cheese guesthouse/restaurant, Amuaysin Road; Live Jazz every Monday 7 - 10.30pm Regular Events Baan Silapin artist village, Pala U Road; Jazz Jam Session every Sunday from 7pm.

Bobby’s Bar, Soi 102.; Free Bar B Que every Friday from 5pm. when spend 180 bt. Sunday Roast - spend 200 baht on drinks and get it free!. British Breakfast all day, Only 99 bt.

Captain Dougs, Khao Takiab; Every Friday from 7pm BBQ plus a beer just 300 baht.

DIZZY DOLPHIN, Soi Samorphong; Happy Hour every day from 1 - 7pm - Samsong + mixer 40 baht, Wine 55 baht, large domestic beers 65 baht Dream Restaurant & Bar, Soi 88; Every Friday from 6pm Buffet featuring Swedish, Thai and European food, just 279 baht. Also have pizzas and kebabs. johnny’s 56, Soi Selekam/Poolsuk; Last Thursday every month fun pub quiz from around 7.30pm.

Sunset Boulevard, Khao Takiab; Periodic Tuesday all video fun pub quiz. Food available. Bookings recommended. Call Mike 084 376 9438. the admiral bar & grill, Damnoernkasem Road; Every month The Comedy Club - contact venue for details and tickets the fat cat, Naresdamri Road; Live Jazz every day (except Sunday) from 7 to 9 pm. Old songs played on cornet and double bass, plus special jazz food menu.

TK Roadhouse, Khao Takiab; Monthly Pub Quiz; Pie & A Beer 150 THB special during the football.

Get your parties, special events or offers on drinks in Balloon Chasers every week.

It’s Free, so what have you got to lose?

Send information to submissions@awolonline.net Uncle Bryn’s (2km past Palm Hills north along klong road. Turn left and 200m on left.); Large Chang 53 baht, large Leo 55 baht. Open daily 7am-late. 085 405 6976 (T) 080 197 2072(E) urban fuzion, Soi 61; Happy hour every day 3 to 8pm; Beer Buckets - 5 local beers 350 baht; Daily specials.

British style Sunday Roasts: Bobby’s Bar, Soi 102 ChaAam Pub & Restaurant Coco Beach Club, Naresdamri Road (reservations, call 032 908080 after 4.30pm) Hua Hin Miss You, Soi 80 Jungle Juice, Soi Selekam Lin’s Cafe, Phetkasem Road between Sois 80/78 Orchid Restaurant 94, Soi 94 Palm Bistro, Soi 88 (032 828144) Seajays Resort, off Pala-U Road. 083 311 1787 Ye Olde Buffalo Tavern, Chomsin Rd Zab Wer, Soi 112.

18

Want to place a Classified ad in AWOL? Increase your chances of selling by placing it on our online Classifieds at no extra charge!

All ads placed online will be in the next issue of the paper Go to www.awolonline.net/classifieds or email us on classifieds@awolonline.net for more information Sell it fast with AWOL Classifieds

Advertise here from only 40 baht per week

HUA HIN GOLF Butterfly Rock Golf society

robin’s roll up

Hua Hin Golf Society

RESULTS 31st December 2014 Black Mountain Stableford 25 entered 1st Wij Wijesena 42 pts (10) 2nd Timo Ripatti 37 pts (08) 3rd Rob Corbett 36 pts (15) 4th Paul Williams 36 pts (04)

Results 2nd January 2015 Royal Ratchaburi Stableford 20 entered 1st Han Hakvoort 33 pts (17) 2nd Jonas Loostrom 33 pts (19) 3rd Bernard Morgan 32 pts (28)

29th December 2014 Lake View AB Stableford 23 entered 1st Eric Chappell 38 pts (21) 2nd Wij Wijesena 36 pts (10) 3rd Fred Kroll 35 pts (22) 4th Mick Bates 35 pts (22)

26th December 2014 Springfield A + B Stableford 40 entered A group: 1st Nitha Dittkuhn 37 pts (14) 2nd Hans Metzger 36 pts (14) 3rd Roger Menaldino 35 pts (15) B group: 1st John Hall 35 pts (21) 2nd Jonas Loostrom 35 pts (19) 3rd Ken Wilkie 34 pts (21)

26th December 2014 Lake View AB Stableford 10 entered 1st Richard Greene 34 pts (16) 2nd Lars Kristiansen 27 pts (06) 3rd Elina Rintara 27 pts (29) 4th Mark Moore 27 pts (09) 24th December 2014 Majestic Creek Stableford 35 entered 1st Elina Rintara 37 pts (29) 2nd Frank Hailstones 36 pts (13) 3rd Geoff G Batt-Rawden 36 pts (06) 4th Mick Mace 35 pts (17) Upcoming Fixtures 12th January 2015 Lakeview A&B Stableford 14th January 2015 Banyan Stableford 16th January 2015 No Booking Q School

Held every Friday at Palm Hills. Thanks to Robin Heath for organising and results.

Please contact Robin on robinaston@hotmail. com if you are interested in playing.

2nd January 2015 1st Adrian Byrne 31 pts (25) 2nd Barbara Anstee 30 pts (26) 3rd Roy Cotter 30 pts (15) 26th December 2014 1st Tom McGiff, 32 pts (26) 2nd Nigel Guest 29 pts (15) 3rd Roy Cotter 29 pts (15) lake view members club

29th December 2014 Stableford AB 1st Reto Vorburger (5) 39pts 2nd Peter Tucker (12) 38pts 3rd Rodger Teasdale (16) 37pts

23rd December 2014 Panurangsri Stableford 15 entered 1st Harvey Russell 35 pts (15) 2nd Huub Korver 33 pts (08) 3rd Hans Van Der Voort 32 pts (28)

2nd January 2015 Stableford CD 1st Peter Tucker (12) 34pts 2nd Reto Vorburger (4) 30pts 3rd Steve O’Brien (12) 28pts

forthcoming fixtures 13th January 2015 Palm Hills Stableford 16th January 2015 Lake View Stableford cha am golf club

Contact: secretary@chaamgolfclub.com FIXTURES 21st January 2015 CGC AGM + Tournament 31st January 2015 Cha-Am GC On Tour majestic creek members club

5th January 2015 Medal AB 1st Fred Kroll (20) 73 net 2nd Rodger Teasdale (16) 77 3rd Peter Tucker (12) 78 FIXTURES Lake View every Monday, Wednesday, Friday

No results this week

cryptic crossword Across 1 Talk about endless field event (6) 5 Polynesian artist holding the ace of hearts (8) 9 Helpful hints for dogs (8) 10 Indigenous national leader gets musical backing (6) 11 Memo that isn’t composed now (2,4,6) 13 Commotion requiring action? (2-2) 14 Conveying rage and lust using sign language? (8) 17 Hit and run in an offhand manner (8) 18 Staunch supporter (4) 20 Anger following open Christmas present (12) 23 Hindu divinity originally veiled is seen here nearly uncovered (6) 24 Composer entertaining fashionable members of a priestly caste (8) 25 Fish seen below by Florence (8) 26 Game with first of threes and nines at sixes and sevens (6)

Down 2 Press club (4) 3 A muskmelon or cola nut pa sliced (9) 4 He puts out sails (6,4) 5 Scot’s heart being stirred by Scottish woodchuck? (7,3,5) 6 Last deer getting lion’s share (8) 7 Lug worm finally being a symbol (5) 8 Playing at Vegas and getting benefits (10) 12 One pretty woman with a resistance to Clinton (6,4) 15 One from Northern Ireland must learn reconciliation (9) 16 Corpulent guide, terribly weary (8) 19 Not fully employed as an actor?

(2,4) 21 Indian leader raising primitive bird (5) 22 Opposed to taking refuge in obscurantism (4)

The solution is on page 16

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Hua Hin Pool Billiard League

hua hin khao takiab super Pool League

results Week 13 2nd January 2015 Aussie Bar (13) 4 - 4 (13) Jaew Bar Chang Bm Bm (15) 6 - 2 (7) Hua Hin Miss You Clansmen (13) 2 - 6 (15) Lucky Shot Maria Coopers Beer Gdn (4) 1 - 7 (19) Lucky Shot A Lucky Shot B v Pa’s Beer Garden n/a Pistol Petes (16) 6 - 2 (7) TK Roadhouse 1 TK Roadhouse 2 (11) 3 - 5 (15) Maria Bar 1 Infinity Bar - no game League Table Team Pistol Petes Lucky St Maria Chang Bm Bm Lucky Shot A Maria Bar 1 TK R’dhouse 1 Pa’s Beer Grden TK R’dhouse 2 Clansmen Infinity Bar Lucky Shot B Jaew Bar Coopers Br Gdn Aussie Bar HHin Miss You

P 12 12 12 12 13 12 11 13 12 12 11 12 12 12 12

W 11 10 9 8 8 6 5 6 5 5 4 1 2 1 0

D L +/1 0 52 0 2 32 1 2 24 2 2 30 2 3 24 1 5 10 2 4 16 0 7 -2 2 5 -8 1 6 -4 2 5 -2 2 9 -30 0 10 -48 1 10 -38 1 11 -56

Pts 23 20 19 18 18 13 12 12 12 11 10 4 4 3 1

fixtures Week 14 9th January 2015 Hua Hin Miss You v TK Roadhouse 1 Infinity Bar v Chang Boom Boom Jaew Bar v Lucky Shot B Lucky Shot A v Pistol Petes Lucky Shot Maria v Aussie Bar Pa’s Beer Garden v Clansmen TK Roadhouse 2 v Coopers Beer Garden Maria Bar 1 - no game 20

Week 15 16th January 2015 Aussie Bar v Maria Bar 1 Chang Boom Boom v Lucky Shot A Clansmen v Hua Hin Miss You Coopers Beer Garden v Jaew Bar Lucky Shot B v Infinity Bar Lucky Shot Maria v TK Roadhouse 1 Pistol Petes v Pa’s Beer Garden TK Roadhouse 2 - no game

results No results this week

LUCKY SHOT BAR

Hua Hin’s only pool bar with FOUR 9’ tables

Fixtures Week 20 15th January 2015 Bobby’s Boys v JJ Sport Bar JNB Bar v Lek Bar Lanla Bar v Exotic Bar Maria Bar v Bobby’s Birds Muan Bar 2 v Chon Bar Salute Bar v Beach Hut Soda Bar v TK Roadhouse Somatch (3D + 1) Bar v Jungle Juice TK Roadies v Muan Bar 1 Vinly an Rose v Sasa Bar THU 22 JAN 2015 08:00 PM

results No results this week

League Table

League Table

Team Muan Bar 2 Lanla Bar Maria Bar TK Roadhouse TK Roadies JNB Bar Beach Hut Bobby’s Boys Jungle Juice Exotic Bar Bobby’s Birds Lek Bar JJ Sport Bar Somatch Bar Muan Bar 1 Sasa Bar Chon Bar Salute Bar Soda Bar Vinly an Rose

P 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18

W 15 16 14 14 12 11 10 10 7 9 7 6 6 6 5 5 5 3 3 0

L 2 2 3 3 5 5 8 5 7 8 9 11 10 11 10 12 12 11 14 16

+/94 92 90 90 62 54 18 4 -6 -10 -16 -24 -26 -32 -38 -52 -56 -58 -76 -110

Pts 227 226 225 225 211 207 189 182 177 175 172 168 167 164 161 154 152 151 142 125

Ask about our drinks specials and other special offers Contact Andy on 086 178 1550 Email: aknabe@gmx.net 27/3 Poolsuk Road, Hua Hin

thursday friendly Pool League

Team Clansmen Pistol Petes Maria Bar Squealing Pig Monica’s Bar Dara Bar Chill Chill Coopers Br Gdn Hut Bar Jaew Bar Bar 80 Saloon HHin Miss You Casanova’s

P 10 10 11 11 10 10 11 10 10 10 10 10 11

W 10 8 8 6 5 6 3 2 4 2 2 2 1

D 0 1 0 1 1 1 1 2 1 2 2 2 2

L 0 1 3 4 4 3 7 6 5 6 6 6 8

+/96 44 26 8 18 4 -30 -12 -32 -22 -28 -28 -44

Pts 156 129 123 116 110 105 91 89 83 83 82 82 81

Fixtures Week 16 15th January 2015 Bar 80 Saloon v Squealing Pig Coopers Beer Garden v Monica’s Bar Dara Bar v Hut Bar Hua Hin Miss You v Jaew Bar No match - Casanova’s, Chill Chill,Clansmen, Maria Bar, Pistol Petes

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hua hin/khao takiab Fun Pool League

results Week 6 7th January 2015 Aussie Bar 12 - 6 Dara’s Bar Beach Hut Bar 8 - 10 Clansman Bobby’s Bangers 12 - 6 Casanova’s Jaew Bar 10 - 8 Bobby’s Beauties Saloon Bar 80 v Pistol Pete’s n/a Sunset Boulevard 13 - 5 Muan Bar TK Roadies 3 - 15 Maria’s Bar The Bridge 9 - 9 Monica’s The Squealing Pig 6 - 12 TK Roadhouse League Table Team Clansman TK Roadhouse Maria’s Bar Sunset B’vard Beach Hut Bar Bobby’s Bngrs Dara’s Bar Saloon Bar 80 Squealing Pig TK Roadies The Bridge Monica’s Muan Bar Aussie Bar Bobby’s B’ties Jaew Bar Casanova’s

P W D 6 6 0 6 6 0 5 4 0 6 4 0 6 2 2 6 2 2 6 2 2 5 1 3 5 2 1 6 2 1 6 2 1 5 1 2 5 2 0 6 2 0 6 1 1 5 1 1 6 0 0

L 0 0 1 2 2 2 2 1 2 3 3 2 3 4 4 3 6

+/- Pts 40 12 38 12 34 8 2 8 10 6 -2 6 -6 6 2 5 2 5 -8 5 -16 5 -2 4 -14 4 -34 4 -8 3 -10 3 -28 0

Fixtures Week 7 14th January 2015 Bobby’s Beauties v Maria’s Bar Clansman v Bobby’s Bangers Dara’s Bar v Beach Hut Bar Jaew Bar v Aussie Bar Monica’s v TK Roadies Muan Bar v The Bridge Pistol Pete’s v Sunset Boulevard Saloon Bar 80 v The Squealing Pig TK Roadhouse v Casanova’s

hua hin/khao takiab ladies Pool League

results Week 27 5th January 2015 Bobby’s Birds 4 - 8 Somatch (3D+1) Bar Dara Bar 8 - 4 Salute Bar JJ Sports Bar 3 - 9 Railway Tavern JNB Bar v Pistol Pete’s n/a Jaew Bar 6 - 6 Sa Sa Bar Monicas 4 - 8 Muan Bar TK Roadhouse 5 - 7 The Clansmen The Squealing Pig 10 - 2 Sunset Boulevard Week 26 29th December 2014 Monicas 4 - 8 TK Roadhouse Muan Bar 8 - 4 JNB Bar Pistol Pete’s v JJ Sports Bar n/a Railway Tavern 7 - 5 Jaew Bar Sa Sa Bar 5 - 7 Dara Bar Salute Bar 5 - 7 Bobby’s Birds Somatch (3D+1) Bar 6 - 6 The Squealing Pig Sunset Boulevard 6 - 6 The Clansmen League Table Team Muan Bar Railway Tavern Sunset B’vard The Clansmen Squealing Pig Dara Bar TK Roadhouse Pistol Pete’s Bobby’s Birds Jaew Bar Sa Sa Bar Somatch Bar JNB Bar JJ Sports Bar Salute Bar Monicas

P 27 27 27 27 27 27 27 25 27 27 27 27 26 26 27 27

W 24 21 17 13 13 14 13 13 11 10 9 6 6 6 4 3

D 0 2 3 6 5 3 2 1 5 4 5 5 5 2 6 8

L 3 4 7 8 9 10 12 11 11 13 13 16 15 18 17 16

+/- Pts 124 48 68 44 32 37 38 32 38 31 18 31 6 28 4 27 -20 27 -16 24 -20 23 -30 17 -40 17 -56 14 -68 14 -78 14

Fixtures Week 28 12th January 2015 Muan Bar v TK Roadhouse Pistol Pete’s v Monicas Railway Tavern v JNB Bar Sa Sa Bar v JJ Sports Bar Salute Bar v Jaew Bar Somatch (3D+1) Bar v Dara Bar Sunset Boulevard v Bobby’s Birds The Clansmen v The Squealing Pig

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HUA HIN social POOL LEAGUE

RESULTS Week 18 7th January 2015 All Nations GH 13 - 6 Chon Bar Buckleys 13 - 6 King Bar B JW Red 12 - 7 JW Black Jungle Juice B 9 - 10 Pink Panther King Bar A 9 - 10 Tiger Bar Limelight 14 - 5 Sabai No match - Jungle Juice A League Table Team Pink Panther Jungle Juice B Limelight Buckleys All Nations GH King Bar A Jungle Juice A Tiger Bar Sabai JW Red JW Black Chon Bar King Bar B

P 17 17 16 17 17 16 16 17 17 17 16 17 16

W 16 13 12 11 10 10 8 7 7 5 5 3 1

L 1 4 4 6 7 6 8 10 10 12 11 14 15

+/- Pts 75 32 41 26 62 24 39 22 23 20 2 20 -4 16 -13 14 -15 14 -37 10 -40 10 -73 6 -60 2

Fixtures Week 19 14th January 2015 Chon Bar v Buckleys Jungle Juice A v All Nations GH JW Black v King Bar A King Bar B v JW Red Sabai v Jungle Juice B Tiger Bar v Limelight No match - Pink Panther

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HUA HIN DARTS LEAGUE

results Week 4 30th December 2014 Blue Lagoon 7 - 11 Johnny’s 56 CAT Jiggapik v Hua Hin Miss You 1 n/a Robin’s Rest 8 - 10 O’Neills The Clansmen 5 - 13 Jungle Juice URS TREFF CHA AM 13 - 5 Chill Chill Bar Week 5 6th January 2015 Hua Hin Miss You 1 v Chill Chill Bar n/a Johnny’s 56 v CAT Jiggapik n/a Jungle Juice v Blue Lagoon n/a O’Neills v The Clansmen n/a Robin’s Rest v URS TREFF CHA AM n/a League table Team Jungle Juice CAT Jiggapik Blue Lagoon URS TREFF The Clansmen O’Neills Robin’s Rest Johnny’s 56 HHin Miss You 1 Chill Chill Bar

P W D L 4 4 0 0 3 3 0 0 4 2 0 2 4 2 0 2 4 2 0 2 4 2 0 2 4 1 0 3 4 1 0 3 3 1 0 2 4 1 0 3

+/- Pts 30 8 26 6 16 4 12 4 -4 4 -14 4 -6 2 -16 2 -18 2 -26 2

fixtures Week 6 13th January 2015 Blue Lagoon v O’Neills CAT Jiggapik v Jungle Juice Chill Chill Bar v Johnny’s 56 The Clansmen v Robin’s Rest URS TREFF CHA AM v Hua Hin Miss You 1

hash house harriers - A drinking Club with a running and walking Problem!

The Cha-Am and Hua Hin Hash House Harrier Clubs meet alternate Saturdays for around an hours run/walk in the countryside followed by a social gathering. If you would like to come along then visit the new single website at http://www. h2h3-cah3.com or Facebook at www.facebook. com/H2H3CAH3 for full details and directions.

People attending and participating do so entirely at their own risk.

NEXT RUN Saturday 10th January @ 4pm H2H3 RUN #297 Location: Off Soi 112 on road to Banyan Golf Course Google Map link: https://goo.gl/maps/wmvCA. GPS Coordinates: N 12.523331, E 99.941426 (N 12 31.400 E 99 56.486).

From Hua Hin via Phet Kasem Road: Google Map Link: https://goo.gl/maps/9QVFU Head SOUTH on Phet Kasem Road and after crossing the railway flyover exit LEFT and head back under the flyover with care as this is a two way u-turn and upon reaching a mini-roundabout take third exit onto Soi 112 (HHH sign). Take care here as the locals tend to (a) Not stop. (b) Go round the wrong way (c) Go straight across (d) or all three. Continue on Soi 112 for 2.7 km and turn LEFT onto road to Banyan Golf Course (HHH Sign). Continue 300 m and turn LEFT onto dirt road and continue a short distance to car park on open ground.

From Cha Am via the By-pass (Route 37): Google Map Link: http://goo.gl/maps/Fr4sL Head south on the by-pass and take flyover across the Pala U Road and continue a further 6.7

Darts supplies 087 155 7737 Brisal Dartboard now available!

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km and exit LEFT, sign posted to Floating Market.

Continue a further 7.8 km and turn RIGHT onto road to Banyan Golf Course. Continue 300 m and turn LEFT onto dirt road and continue a short distance to car park on open ground.

HARES – Jock Twat & Hugmanannygoat HASH SNACKS: Legs Wide Open ON ON ON: Oy’s Restaurant on Soi 94.

Fees: Male Drinkers ฿200, Female Drinkers ฿150, Teetotalers ฿100, kids ฿50, under 8’s Free. Your effort to bring the CORRECT change would be very much appreciated.

Under offer from

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Bars / Pubs Telephone Bobby’s Bar 089 985 7473 Dizzy Dolphin 080 652 0531 Jungle Juice 087 153 2259 Lost Cafe 086 043 5058 Lucky Shot 086 178 1550 Railway Tavern 085 429 0378 Services & other Telephone CN Pool Service 081 572 3996 Easy Car Rental 086 166 9880 Legal Services Hua Hin 084 881 8396 Siam Consulting 032 512075

accommodation Telephone All Nations Guesthouse 032 512747 Dream Guesthouse 080 562 6735 Victor Guesthouse 032 511564 Property Telephone Hot Property 032 533 533 Lucky Real Estate 082 298 0500 RE/MAX Harmony 032 511 740 Sopha Land and Houses 083 324 0907 sports & leisure Telephone The Dartman 087 155 7737 Go Kart Hua Hin 032 547 199

Restaurants/ Food Telephone All In Hua Hin 032 530067 British Breakfast Foods 087 155 7737 Buffalo Tavern 032 530087 Dream Restaurant & Bar 080 562 6735 Hua Hin Ham & Bacon 032 513144 Let’s Eat 082 248 0345 Orchid Restaurant 94 092 357 8185 Red Piano 032 900510 S & S Indian 081 455 5298 Terrace 90 032 516587

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football news

Bobby’s Bar

kicked off by bobby’s bar fixtures

(all times Thailand) Saturday 10th January 2015 PREMIER LEAGUE Sunderland v Liverpool 19:45 Burnley v QPR 22:00 Chelsea v Newcastle 22:00 Everton v Man City 22:00 Leicester v Aston Villa 22:00 Swansea v West Ham 22:00 West Brom v Hull 22:00 CHAMPIONSHIP Ipswich v Derby 19:15 Birmingham v Wigan 22:00 Blackpool v Millwall 22:00 Bolton v Leeds 22:00 Bournemouth v Norwich 22:00 Brentford v Rotherham 22:00 Cardiff v Fulham 22:00 Charlton v Brighton 22:00 Huddersfield v Watford 22:00 Nottm Forest v Sheff Wed 22:00 Reading v Middlesbrough 22:00 SCOTTISH PREMIERSHIP Dundee v Motherwell 22:00 Kilmarnock v Inverness CT 22:00 Ross County v Partick Thistle 22:00 St Mirren v Aberdeen 22:00 Sunday 11th January 2015 PREMIER LEAGUE Crystal Palace v Tottenham 00:30 Arsenal v Stoke 20:30 Man Utd v Southampton 23:00 CHAMPIONSHIP Blackburn v Wolves 21:00 tuesday 13th January 2015 SCOTTISH PREMIERSHIP Hamilton v Dundee Utd 02:45

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english premier league table 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

Team Chelsea Man City Man Utd Southampton Tottenham Arsenal West Ham Liverpool Swansea Newcastle Stoke Aston Villa Everton Sunderland Hull QPR West Brom Crystal Palace Burnley Leicester

P 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20

GD 25 25 14 19 2 9 7 1 1 -6 -2 -11 -4 -12 -6 -13 -10 -10 -15 -14

PTS 46 46 37 36 34 33 32 29 29 27 26 22 21 20 19 19 18 17 17 14

Featured Game

Sunday 11th January 2015 PREMIER LEAGUE Man Utd v Southampton 23:00 Third versus fourth in what has been a surprising season for both teams to date; Van Gaal has done a good job in starting to rebuild the aging squad that Moyes inherited from Ferguson and we imagine most Red Devils fans are pleased with where the team finds itself. Southampton were widely expected to struggle after losing the manager and a number of key players to other teams in the summer, but Ronald Koeman has done an exceptional job and should be a strong contender for manager of the year, regardless of how the rest of the season pans out. The Saints went through a slight wobble a few weeks ago but seem to be back on track now, and this will be a good competitive game with both eager for the win, while having an eye on the difficult games that Chelsea and Manchester City face and hoping to gain on both. A draw seems on the cards to us, which will suit the away side more than United, and we think the other results will see a further bunching of the teams in the top half.

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fantasy premier league

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AWOL CHALLENGE TABLE 2014/2015 Team GW 1 Lost Cafe 41 2 Hua Hin Utd 48 3 Mr ChaAming 51 4 Free Rolf City 33 5 Let’s be avin you 70 6 Waste of money ?

41 7 Wanderlust United 56 8 Red & Blue Bangers 50 9 Fingers Clayton 57 10 AWOL Wanderers 57 41 11 Pensioners Dunne’s Destroyers 37 12 39 13 FC Mukdahan 58 14 BlahFC 46 15 xxdroggiesbackxxx 40 16 Thailand Silkmen Sammy Doo Racing 31 17 57 18 Portsmouth City 30 19 headless chickens 34 20 FC OK 49 21 Dans Demons 33 22 Eric 46 23 Madrid Spurs

TOT 1,123 1,086 1,083 1,039 1,032 1,028 1,025 1,011 986 979 953 948 933 917 903 882 876 855 854 791 785 770 753

premier league predictor

AWOL CHALLENGE EPL PREDICTION TABLE Player TOT GW 36 349 1 livinginlos 28 318 2 AWOL kevharris2502 29 228 3 0 141 4 oskar 0 140 5 Mr Blobby Green

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galactic!

Neptune cleared over World Cup bid irregularities

france FIFA announced this morning that their internal inquiry has formally cleared the successful 2022 World Cup bid from the planet Neptune of all corruption charges.

‘This is great news,’ explained Tharak the Mighty, one of the Neptunian sentient gas beings that fronted the bid. ‘This should finally put to bed all the allegations and lies that have been made against us’.

He continued: ‘Just because I threatened to smite your puny, miserable planet with the mighty Sword of Krun Tor if we didn’t win, it does not mean that anything untoward took place’.

The bid has long been the subject of intense debate. Many experts have expressed concerns that the planet was ‘ill equipped’ to host a major sporting event.

Above: Neptune’s successful bid opens the way for other planets to tender

Professor Brian Cox for instance, explained: ‘Neptune’s average surface temperature of -200° C would make playing conditions very difficult, as would the abundance of methane in the lower atmosphere.’

‘But in particular, its dynamic storm systems with wind speeds reaching 1300 mph would make it very challenging indeed. It’s hard to imagine Wayne Rooney controlling a football in that sort of climate,

although frankly it’s quite difficult to imagine that in normal conditions as well.’

Others claim that the planet lacks even the most basic hotels and public transport services. And at a distance of over 2.75 billion miles from earth, direct flights are expected to be at a premium. Ryanair however, have recently announced plans for a new service, landing at a nearby airport just 40km outside Paris.

However, FIFA are adamant and President Sepp Blatter said: ‘This is the end of things as far as I’m concerned. Those who continue to criticise the Neptune World Cup are living in the Stone Age. After all, it’s no more silly to host a World Cup on a distant, gaseous world than it would be to host one in the desert in the middle of summer, is it?’

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