AXIOM ISSUE 04 by AXIOM MAGAZINE

axiom W E A R E T H E R E C K L E S S, W E A R E T H E W I L D Y O U T H

GET FREE

A L E KS ANDAR JAS ON / DY L AN VAN / H AR L E Y C ROMB I E OLIVER HILLYER-RILEY / STEPHANIE SPECHT L AU N A W I N S H I P / M A R B E C U E / A I M E E S T O D DA R T

GET FREE

axiom W E A R E T H E R E C K L E S S, W E A R E T H E W I L D Y O U T H

LUCY STEVENS - EDITOR, PUBLISHER, CREATIVE DIRECTOR & DESIGNER hello@lucystevenscreative.com RACHEL STEVENS - COPY EDITOR CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS - ALEKSANDAR JASON, DYLAN VAN, AIMEE STODDART, CHRIS FATSEAS, GEORGIA PASCALE, OLIVER HILLYER-RILEY, KALORIES CONTRIBUTING STYLISTS - TORI SCHAEFER, YAZZI WILLIAMS CONTRIBUTING WRITERS - PETER MACPHERSON CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATOR - SARAH ETHERIDGE

ON THE COVER - PHOTO BY AIMEE STODDART ILLUSTRATED COVER BY SARAH ETHERIDGE

GET FREE

HOLLA AT YA GIRL w w w. a x i o m m a g . n e t @axiommagazine www.axiom-mag.tumblr.com

GET FREE

WWW.ACIDREIGNSHOP.COM 4

GET FREE

006

FOREWORD

007

CONTRIBUTORS

008

SHIT WE LIKE

010

BLACKSPUR

022

DANE TUTTY

036

ESCAPE

050

HARLEY CROMBIE

060

CLARE & JORDAN

070

NOTHING I WANT

082

GRACEVILLE

094

YOUTH

102

GIRLS

114

OLIVER HILLYER-RILEY

132

STEPHANIE SPECHT

144

LAUNA WINSHIP

154

MARBECUE

162

#FUCKOFF

GET FREE

WE ARE THE RECKLESS, WE ARE THE WILD YOUTH I think I get worse at writing this damn thing every time I need to write one. I’m sitting here at my over crowded desk that’s covered in paper, coffee cups and stacks of magazines, and I can’t seem to string a sentence together to save my life. So let’s keep this short and sweet shall we. Last issue we did a double cover featuring the work of Melbourne illustrator spillzay, and we thought, ‘what the fuck’ let’s make this a regular thing. This time around we have the very talented Sarah Etheridge illustrate over our cover, shot by Aimee Stoddart. Sarah has some god damn magical hands I tell you, check out more of her amazing work on her instagram: @sarah_etheridge We also have a shitload of amazing photography for you from a bunch of great young photographers. We also have artworks by Harley Crombie and Launa Winship, Dylan Van shot tattoo artist Dane Tutty at his shop, we spoke to British photographer Oliver Hillyer-Riley, got inside the head of Belgian graphic designer Stephanie Specht, and our resident writer/ comedian/most articulate person I have ever met Peter Macpherson wrote a piece about all the dickheads you will find at the gym, it’s hilarious. I hope you like this issue, it’s been fun.

Cheers, Lucy editor, publisher, creative director, designer.

GET FREE

DYLAN VAN

AIMEE STODDART

CHRIS FATSEAS

GEORGIA PASCALE

SHOT DANE TUTTY, PAGE 22

SHOT ESCAPE PAGE 36, YOUTH PAGE 74, & GIRLS PAGE 82

SHOT NOTHING I WANT, PAGE 50

SHOT GRACEVILLE, PAGE 62

Favorite place you’ve traveled? San Francisco.

Favorite place you’ve traveled? Japan, hands down.

Favorite place you’ve traveled? New York.

Best live show you’ve ever seen? The best live show I’ve been to was the Backtrack exclusive house show in the Hive lair! HOLY SHIT that show was mental, and taking photos was next level.

Best live show you’ve ever seen? That’s a hard one... Going to be lame it’s a tie between Rammstein, Iggy Pop and Static x.

Best live show you’ve ever seen? Tough question...but I was blown away at a recent performance by Brissy band Aerials.

Favorite place you’ve traveled? I loved travelling through Marrakesh in Morocco, the colourful spirit and culture of this place was contagious.

Something that’s always in your fridge? Olives.

Something that’s always in your fridge? That random jar of mustard.

Something that’s always in your fridge? 35mm film.

Best live show you’ve ever seen? Chvrches were super funky. Something that’s always in your fridge? Greek yoghurt and berries are a constant in my life.

AXIOM LOVES

HORNS Starring Daniel Radcliffe, or Harry fucking Potter if you will, comes Horns: a mysterious movie based on the book of the same name by Joe Hill, son of master horror writer Stephen King. Harry Potter plays Ig Perrish, who after his girlfriend (Juno Temple) is murdered, finds himself sprouting god damn devil horns. This movie has some crazy shit, the special effects are put to good use, and Ig basically becomes a snake wielding devil angel monster type thing, all in the name of love. A killer support cast includes Heather Graham, James Remar, David Morse and Max Minghella, who is a particular stand out. This movie is fucking crazy, I dig it, I think you will too. Horns opens in limited release from December.

FEW AND FAR COLLECTIVE Two of my favorite things in life are good quality t-shirts, and tattoos. And the folks over at Few and Far Collective have joined the two into a force of artist collaborations and a passion for quality clothing, artworks and collectables. Everything is sourced, customised, hand printed and tailored in Australia. Jump over to their online store and check them out.

To check out the full collection and to shop online, check out www.fewandfarcollective.com

INTERPOL - EL PINTOR My music tastes are so bi-polar these days, one minute it’s 80’s hip-hop, the next it’s some pop punk band circa 2008, but one thing that has stuck around is my love for records made by sad white dudes. Case and point, The National, who have been breaking hearts for over 10 years now, but when you need a break from one sad white dude, Interpol are always there to help out. It’s been a long time between drinks for the boys, their last offering was back in 2010 and between now and then Carlos Dengler has left the band, but things remain the same. Paul Bank’s voice is as haunting and lovely as ever, and his lyrics mournful and brash as usual. Standout tracks include All The Rage Back Home, Everything Is Wrong, Breaker 1, Tidal Waves, and The Depths. This record gets better with every listen, so please, go and get your fix of sad white dudes, they’re alright. For tour dates and all that shit, check out wwww.interpolnyc.com

AXIOM LOVES

HILLVALE Print is dead, film is dead, we’ve heard it all before. Anything with tangible authenticity is giving way to the digital age apparently. But the founders of Hillvale said a big fuck you to that, and started somewhat of a film developing revolution out of a Melbourne suburb. Using dropboxes over the city, you can drop off your rolls of 35mm, the boys will then pick it up, develop, scan and upload your images for download at a fraction of the cost of old mate in your local shopping centre who wants 25 bucks per roll. Fuck that. For more info and for dropbox locations near you, check out www.hillvale.com.au

LOW 302 Low 302 have been a solid fixture on the Surry Hills / Darlinghurst small bar scene for quite a while now, and for good reason. The bartenders know their shit, the food is amazing, service excellent, and the outdoor seating area doubles as prime position for some of the best people watching ever. The cocktail list is excellent, if I didn’t want to get white girl wasted on a school night, I would have tried at least all of their cocktails. My friend who is both a beer and tequila fiend raves about a beer they have that is brewed in tequila barrels. So if you want good food, good drinks and good times, Low 302 is where it’s at. Low 302 - 302 Crown St, Surry Hills.

MARBECUE I love a good pun. I also love t-shirts. But do I love a good pun on a t-shirt you may ask. Well, dear reader, the question is yes, yes I do. The boys over at The Marbecue Beat Lovers have both puns and t-shirts to keep you happy and clothed, what more could you ask for. Well, we have a selection of images from Marbecue’s lookbook to keep you even happier on page 154 of this issue. For more info and to buy online, check out www.marbecue.com

GET FREE

BLACKSPUR PHOTO DIARY BY ALEKSANDAR JASON

FIVE instagramers go out on a little road trip towards the Yarra Ranges. Featuring Perth based photographer Jarred Send who many may know as the official photographer for artists such as Passenger, Ed Sheeran & More. Along with Jarred was Amelie, his partner in crime whom is also a creative and talented photographer. Next up is THE VOICE runner up and Ricky Martin bestie Mr Jackson Thomas. Jackson Loria finishes up the crew lineup.

GET FREE

Dane Tutty, tattoo artist and father. He has been a very good friend of mine for quite some time now. The three hour trip to Newcastle is always worth it, when it comes to seeing friends it’s never a problem. For someone who has been tattooing for just over three years Dane’s work is absolutely next level in my opinion. I didn’t intend to document Dane, all I had on me was my camera and my 24-70mm and he was nice enough to let me completely invade his personal space, but he understands that’s what I do as a photojournalist. This short photo essay lets you into the world of Dane in his tattoo shop Downunder Tattoos.

@dylanvaan @danetutty

GET FREE

dane tutty by dylan van

GET FREE

Escape PHOTO DIARY BY AIMEE STODDART

SAN DIEGO - LA

USA Japan NEW ZEALAND

GET FREE

VENICE BEACH - LA

GET FREE

TRAIN TO QUEENS - NYC

GET FREE

EMPIRE STATE BUILDING - NYC 40

GET FREE

Lake Motosu, Mt Fuji - Japan

GET FREE

Lake Kawaguchi, Mt Fuji - Japan

GET FREE

Lake Kawaguchi, Mt Fuji - Japan

GET FREE

Lake Motosu, Mt Fuji - Japan

GET FREE

Milford Sound, South Island - New Zealand

GET FREE

Milford Sound, South Island - New Zealand

GET FREE

Milford Sound, South Island - New Zealand 48

GET FREE

HARLEY CROMBIE SO I ASKED ILLUSTRATOR HARLEY CROMBIE FOR A BIO ABOUT HIMSELF AND HIS WORK, HIS REPLY WAS, AND I QUOTE: ‘MY NAME IS HARLEY, I’M 21. I WAKE UP, DRAW, EAT, GET LIFTED, SURF, SKATE, DRINK AND SLEEP’ EXCELLENT. I STUMBLED UPON HARLEY’S WORK THROUGH SOME GOOD OLD FASHIONED INSTAGRAM STALKING, AND I REALLY FUCKING DIG IT. CHECK HIM OUT @HARLEYCROMBIE

GET FREE

JORDAN & CLARE GO SKATING PHOTOGRAPHY BY KALORIES bykalories.tumblr.com FEATURING JORDAN & CLARE @ THE WOLVES

GET FREE

NOTHING

I WANT PHOTOGRAPHY BY CHRIS FATSEAS

GET FREE

Graceville PHOTOGRAPHY BY GEORGIA PASCALE STYLING & ASSISTANCE BY TORI SCHAEFER FEATURING MADI SPRINGER

GET FREE

Youth PHOTOGRAPHY BY AIMEE STODDART STYLING BY YAZZI WILLIAMS FEATURING Oliver Botha

GET FREE

100

GET FREE

101

GET FREE

GIRL GIRLS PHOTOGRAPHY BY AIMEE STODDART FEATURING BREE & CASS @ FIVE TWENTY CLOTHING BY GEEDUP CO. & FORTY THIEVES

102

GET FREE

103

GET FREE

104

GET FREE

105

GET FREE

106

GET FREE

107

GET FREE

108

GET FREE

109

GET FREE

110

GET FREE

111

GET FREE

112

GET FREE

113

GET FREE

OLIVER HILLYER RILEY

114

GET FREE

BRITISH BASED PHOTOGRAPHER OLIVER HILLYER RILEY’S STYLE IS A HARD ONE TO PIN DOWN. MOVING SEAMLESSLY BETWEEN PHOTO-JOURNALISM, PORTRAITURE, AND BACK AGAIN, HE CREATES STORIES WITHIN HIS IMAGES THAT PUTS YOU INTO THE WORLD OF HIS SUBJECTS. WE CAUGHT UP WITH OLIVER TO TALK MORE ABOUT HIS WORK.

115

GET FREE

116

GET FREE

How long have you been shooting? Was it something you picked up as a kid? As a child growing up, I was always fascinated with wanting to be in the army. I was always creative but not academically clever, and sport was something I really enjoyed. When I looked through the surf magazines I subscribed to, I remember being amazed by the shots the photographers got, I remember having the desire to be the one capturing that shot. By this point, I knew what I wanted to study at college and that was a photography course and it all stemmed from there. I would say I have been shooting since I was 16. That’s when I bought my first camera – a disposable underwater 35mm, surprisingly it didn’t leak so you can give it some credit! You are quite a hard photographer to define. Your work has this photo journalist feel to it through your stories series, & your work shooting the Tactical Support Firearms Unit. Is photo journalism something you’re interested in? Yeah I would say photojournalism and documentary have always had a big impact on my work no matter what I’m shooting. I like to learn from those I photograph and tend to document a topic I know little about or that interests me. I think I just fell into the ‘photojournalist’ style naturally with the way I want to tell a story. I like to be right in the heart of the action and getting amongst the subject I am documenting, which is key especially when telling a story. Although my work has a photo journalistic style I am very much a photographer that loves to include a meaning to my work and educate my public interest. How did the Tactical Support Firearms Unit story come about? Some of the images are pretty intense, from the full riot gear clad police to the empty bullet casings. I was actually put in contact with a TSFU member through a friend after a discussion about my work. Honestly, it was so much fun to shoot. Given free reign to run around while a simulated exercise was held in a mock street was great. Sprinting through flash bangs, smoke grenades and the sound of guns firing (don’t worry they were blanks) was intense, although it focused me more on what I wanted to capture as I knew I only had a short window of time. My aim was to show the extremes the police go through to protect the safety of the public.

117

GET FREE

120

GET FREE

121

GET FREE

122

GET FREE

I love your Monkhouse boxing story; it reminds me of Jason Statham and Brad Pitt in Snatch. What was it like to get into the inner circle of a boxing club? Coming from the South Coast of England my accent is a lot different to East Londoners, so when I walked into the club the boys looked at me like I was a lost tourist. I spent three months with them focusing on one boxer in particular and got to know them all well. At first it was hard for them to open up to me including Monkhouse, but over a matter of weeks I was being invited to the local café after trainings with them. What I did find was it is a very competitive sport and it’s not a place for the faint hearted. It can take one loss to doubt being a boxer and once you start doubting it’s hard to pick yourself up, you have to be mentally strong and a lot of the guys were, this was great to capture in my photographs. Your Changed Men story is quite beautiful, how did that story come about? I met those guys through my local rugby team who I used to play for. I got to know them quite well, they told me of their past and straight away I wanted to make something of it. I think playing sport from when I was a kid and that being the only thing I enjoyed made me relate to them in some distant way. They found a place to release the frustration they used to take out on society and channel it into something else, that being rugby. I found this with the boxing documentary I did aswell. Sports as a career or hobby has changed many peoples’ lives to something bigger and better. Do you mainly shoot digital, or do you dabble in film photography too? Yeah the documentaries are all shot on digital because of the nature of my style. Like many of the documentaries there can be times where the situation gets fast paced and shooting on digital means I can capture that without the worry of reloading and shot count which you have with film. However, I am shooting a lot more portraiture on a 5x4, and my personal work is shot using a 35mm, which I carry on me majority of the time. Who inspires you to keep shooting and finding new and interesting people to shoot? I’m lucky to be surrounded by a great bunch of mates who are photographers too. We all bounce off each other and this pushes me a lot with ideas and finding new interesting subjects to photograph. I am extremely passionate about photography and that in itself pushes me everyday to capture my new ideas. oliverhillyerriley.co.uk

123

GET FREE

124

GET FREE

125

GET FREE

126

GET FREE

127

GET FREE

128

GET FREE

129

GET FREE

130

GET FREE

131

GET FREE

HAILING FROM BELGIUM, STEPHANIE SPECHT IS A DESIGNER WHO’S WORK WE CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF. WE HAD A CHAT TO STEPHANIE ABOUT HER WORK, AND WHAT KEEPS HER INSPIRED. www.stephaniespecht.com

132

GET FREE

133

GET FREE

750 years of

HARBOUR CRANES

in Antwerp

134

GET FREE

How would you describe your graphic design aesthetic? Patterns are a recursive feature in my personal illustrative work, which is simultaneously intuitive, subtle, and structured with a hint of darkness. My work process is a combination of perfectionism and chaos. I like simple, strong design. But from time to time I try to reinvent myself. I think it’s important to try new stuff although I try to stick to a certain technique (digital design).

I am busy designing the first issue of Nah No magazine, which is about culture and art, and through this job I discovered the work of Anny Wang from Sweden- she’s so good. Hort from Germany has always been one of my favorite design studios. My friend Julie van Severen is a really talented book designer whose work I admire too.

You work across brand identity, illustration, and book design. Do you have a favorite? Tell me about studying at Royal Academy for Fine Arts- it has a I guess I prefer illustration, simply because I can combine a little pretty amazing history and its alumni include some of the most bit of everything in it: patterns, letters etc. I am always very innovative designers, it must have been an extremely interesting happy when I get a job assignment where I can do layout as well as illustration. place to study. It was an amazing place indeed. Although I learned the most from my co-students. There were just a few teachers who were really up to date so we had to find other sources and solutions. I guess This may be the hardest question, pick one: InDesign, Illustrator I liked the social scene a lot in the school, and the parties. I also or Photoshop. And why. remember when they brought in the first iMacs…a very special day. That’s not hard at all! Indesign! I don’t like photoshop. I don’t like pixels. I love vectors. I love the idea that you can zoom in endlessly on something. I choose Indesign because it’s the first Who or what do you look to for inspiration? I think music is my main inspiration. I can listen to something and thing that opens on my computer in the morning. I wish one day have an instant visual popping up in my brain. Music, for me, is they would integrate all Illustrator options in Indesign. I don’t the most important thing in my life besides my work. I can deal understand why that hasn’t happened yet. The pattern-making with silence but I prefer music. My sister is also an inspiration tool in Illustrator is such an awesome thing, that’s one of the to me. The stuff she tells me, she’s younger then I am but she options I really miss in Indesign. possesses so much wisdom. Of course the cliché things like going to an exhibition or museum always works but let’s keep it to music. And lastly, some of your favorites, I love getting into people’s heads this way. Tell us about your book ‘These 5 Years’. How did that come MOVIE: Hard to pick one! Mégane by Naoko Ogigami because of the silence and the repetitive music and the setting. Bottle Rocket about? After watching Bottle Rocket by Wes Anderson I came up with by Wes Anderson because of the stupidity and color palette. It’s the idea. There’s this scene where Owen Wilson is sitting in the also the main reason why I decided to design my These Five Years bus with his schedule for the next couple of years. It made me book. And Spirited Away by Hayao Miyazaki. There’s just so much feel happy because I recognized a lot of myself in this. I used to beauty in this movie. be obsessed with planning stuff. I guess I stopped doing it after I finished my book. Glad that phase is over now. So the idea for BAND: That is the most difficult thing to answer really. I am the book popped in my head after the movie but still it took me always discovering new artists on Soundcloud, it’s my main a couple of years of planning to complete it. I first had to go procrastination occupation. But to name a few: Shlohmo through certain things in life to make me realize I needed to make (everything he touches/remixes turns into gold for me), Sampha, Clams Casino, Travis Scott, Beach Fossils, STWO, DIVV, this diary for real. PartyNextDoor, Childish Gambino, Blood Orange, Bishop Nehru. During my stay in New York (2011-2013), I often thought about the future. Ideas about the future are, in most cases, related to PHOTOGRAPHER: Filip Dujardin, a Belgian architecture the situation you’re in at that moment. People change with new photographer. His work is so beautiful and mysterious! Last year the experiences and adjust their goals and desires regularly. Writing Met museum in New York bought a work from him - what an honor! down these snapshots is very interesting. Especially when you look Frederik Heyman, a fashion photographer, also from Antwerp, back on them a couple of years later. Some things change, others creates amazing images - one of the first works I saw from won’t. I discovered the book shop called McNally Jackson, where him was a midnight shot with horses for Henrik Vibskov which I you can self-publish and print your own book. I decided to do so thought was stunning. Frederik also studied graphic design at the and created the first version of These 5 Years, a small book with same Academy as me. He’s super talented really! space for thoughts and humor that makes you think about the next 5 years in your life. This version was black and white and very low MAGAZINE: Apartamento. The design, the epicures, the interviews, budget. Back in Belgium, I found a publisher interested in the book it’s just perfect! and six months later (2012), the second version was published. ARTIST: Matisse, I have always been a fan but since I saw the Cut .Out expo in Tate Modern I am even more in awe. And Sol Lewitt I don’t think I need to explain since I am obsessed with patterns. Who are your favorite designers at the moment?

135

GET FREE

5th Anniversary Edition \ Fri 17 Oct 2014 Room 2 hosted by Playground (Stu Bru)

Kong Sheridan Kornel KovacsSWE

BICEP Mickey Rick Shiver Christoph UK

Bloody Louis

Avenue Louise 32 Brussels

136

GET FREE

BY AZER

WEEKEND TIDES

BY AZER

137

GET FREE

FROM FLUX TO FRAME M A A R T E N VA N AC KE R

DESIGNING INFRASTRUCTURE AND SHAPING U R B A N I Z AT I O N I N BELGIUM

140

GET FREE

€€€€€€€€€€€

$$$$$$$$$$$

141

GET FREE

stephaniespecht.com @spechtstudio

142

GET FREE

143

GET FREE

PSYCHEDELIC DREAMING

144

GET FREE

145

GET FREE

How long have you been a practicing artist now? I’ve always made art but I’ve only considered myself a practicing artist for 2 years. Your works bring back some major nostalgic vibes, like buying packets of stickers and going to town on my school books circa year 5...Yeah just re-living my youth and turning it into a job. It’s like a crazy sticker pastel wonderland! Where did the idea for the psychedelic series come from? I’ve always had an attraction to rainbows, as basic as that sounds. I love to be surrounded by a high density amount of color. And Miley and Gwen just seemed to fit into the world that you created? Yeah, Gwen’s more of an idol within my work. I haven’t quite decided what Miley is doing- massive pop culture reference I suppose. Yeah, just hanging out on a wrecking ball with some major psychedelic whales! I think Miley would like that. I agree. In one of your collage type pieces you’ve referenced Spring Breakers, I’m obsessed with that movie. Thank god someone else is obsessed! Thought I was the only one. It’s so good! James Franco is amazing. The styling, the direction, the concept, the whole thing is this amazing art house movie that just happens to star well known young female actors. It’s a work of art in my opinion, even the colours are perfect! Yeah so weird but so good. I watched that movie just before beginning the psychedelic series, you pinned a mayor pointed in my practice, now that’s journalism. I do my best! Where else do you look for inspiration? The internet, C punks, and the discount shops that scatter my neighborhood. What are you currently working on? The location thing on here tells me you’re currently in Berlin... Yes just good journalism skills, I’m having a holiday, checking this place out, seeing what all the hype is about. Yeah, I’ve heard Berlin is a pretty creative place. It’s a very interesting place to look at. Speaking of that, I best be off! We’re going on a bike ride to the abandoned airport. launawinship.com @launalauna

146

GET FREE

147

GET FREE

148

GET FREE

149

GET FREE

150

GET FREE

151

GET FREE

152

GET FREE

153

GET FREE

The ‘Marbecue Beat Lovers’ are a Sydney established movement focusing on the production of apparel through fusion of lifestyle and practicality. Driven by the relationship of the object, the space, and the person, we take inluence from our various surrounding environments and feed of creative ways of expression.

AW14’

154

GET FREE

155

GET FREE

156

GET FREE

157

GET FREE

158

GET FREE

159

GET FREE

160

GET FREE

161

GET FREE

#CLEANEATING

#BLESSED #HEALTHY #FITSPO # F U C KO F F EVERYONE HAS ONE. OR 5. THEY POST PHOTOS ON INSTAGRAM OF GREEN SMOOTHIES, IN GYM GEAR WITH A THOUSAND RIDICULOUS HASHTAGS #IDONTFUCKINGCAREABOUTYOURKALEMOTHERFUCKER GOING TO THE GYM THESE DAYS IS SOMETHING TO PUT ON SOCIAL MEDIA, AND HAVE A FUCKING CHAT ABOUT. AXIOM WRITER PETER MACPHERSON HAS NARROWED DOWN ALL THE PEOPLE HE HATES AT THE GYM THE MOST.

162

GET FREE

The Gym. Love it or hate it, it looks like it’s here to stay. Unfortunately, it’s not just staying, it’s also increasingly cropping up on an almost hourly basis within my day to day life AND IT’S DOING MY FUCKING HEAD IN. To keep things short, I’ll try and split this up into two concise arguments, lest my argument go from ‘Vitriolic and explosive opinion’ and descend into ‘Piss stained bus shelter vagrant’ territory; it’s a fine line, my friends, but it’s one that I have to walk constantly. First, a bit of history. I’ve been going to one gym or another since I was fourteen. Now, this is just a matter of fact. I wish I could tell you how many push-ups I could do (all of them) or how many ab muscles I have (The answer is of course, a bajillion), but the point is that this isn’t about bragging or one upping. Nope, the point of telling you this my dear readers is to let you know that I’m not some sort of jumped up yuppie who’s been a handful of times before throwing down my 4KG dumbbells in disgust and storming out in a hazy mist composed of my own evaporated tears and sweat. The simple fact of the matter is that I’m too impartial to the idea of late nights and beer luncheons to ever do much more than keep myself in shape. But, I digress, these last two years has seen the rise of the #CleanEating #Healthy #Fitspo, and what a rise it has been! The People: The sheer multitude of stereotypes that the gym abounds with has never failed to amaze me. At any given moment, you can expect to see a combination of these folks prowling about the gym floor like a bunch of toned, sexy Cheetah. In no particular order: The Orgasmer: This individual loves exercise, to the point that every movement is punctuated with either a guttural grunt or an innuendo laden moan. The Advisor: Despite having less meat on them than a butcher’s pencil, there’s always that one person who insists on telling you that you’re doing an exercise wrong. Acknowledge them in any way, shape or form and they’ll be feeding on the smug sense of self satisfaction that they draw from the encounter for weeks. The Lorna Jane/Under Armour sales rep: Never mind that they’ve only been going to the gym for two weeks, this person deserves the best in sports technology! $200 crop top? Great. $350 for a pair of compression shorts that only further highlight a tiny penis and vast guttural circumference? Why not? The Intimidator: It’s this guys job to make you feel as uncomfortable as possible. Staring, grunting, proudly flexing his tribal tattooed covered arms (Tattoos that celebrate his long ancestral history of middle class white culture) are all in a days work for this chap. Expect to find him taking shirtless selfies for at least twenty minutes before and after each workout in the change room mirrors. The Catchphraser: These people have done it all. They’ve ‘Liked’ the Gym Memes page on Facebook, they’ve been to a supplement store...once. They’ve flicked through web forums and figured

out what ‘Gains’, ‘Macros’, ‘Pre and Post’ mean. They know the shortened version of every muscle group; ‘Lats, Delts, Traps, Tris...and they will repeat all of this back to you verbatim if you attempt to question why ten of them have been hogging a machine for a half hour without having actually done anything“Coz I’m getting sick gainz like Coleman and me Trapz are sore from yesterday, do you even lift, faggot?” I could go on for pages about this category, but I would say that these douchenheims really take the cake. The Culture: The other day I saw an advertisement pop up for a promotion; “Healthy is the new skinny!” it proclaimed, alongside an image of scantily clad lass with about 4% body fat and an “I can’t believe it’s not skin cancer!” tan. In such an unscrupulous industry as the fitness industry; an industry that essentially maintains and grows its profits by creating and feeding off the insecurities of others, even I thought this was taking it a bit too far. 4% actually falls in the ‘severely underweight’ range, which might be O.K if you’re, say, a fitness model who has a team of trainers, dietitians and medical professionals behind you and are paid obscene amounts of money to look that way. But what about everyone else? What about the teenage girl who sees it and equates that particular body image with health? What about the young guy who now has an unrealistic expectation as to what the feminine form should look like? When you consider that the implied opposition to ‘Skinny’ is realistically the same level of body fat plus a good five to ten kilograms of muscle, not only does it corrupt the concept of ‘Health’, but it further reinforces the unachievable expectations and requirements of ‘The Perfect Body’. Also, have you ever tried to maintain a year round tan? Impossible. Can’t do it. Much sad. Such unrealistic. Wow. There’s also a massive issue of misinformation within gyms; protein powders, pre and post workouts, alanine, creatine, carnitine, taurine, energy boosters, carbs, protein. Seriously, any more ‘tines’ and you’d be watching High School Musical. The problem is that everyone is bombarded with so many terms that they forget the single most important part: hard work. The point is that you’ll never get anything done without hard work. Also, some guy in the gym told me he takes these pills that got him ripped in, like, three weeks and there’s a lightning bolt on the bottle so I just assume as that’s what everyone else is using. More than any of this, more than the irritating people, the deceptive tactics, the hyper inflated egos, the constant breakup ballads blaring over the speakers that scream the ever present subliminal message of ‘Work harder and they’ll come back’, I’m pissed off that the fitness industry pedals this ‘If you don’t look like this, you’re worth nothing’ mentality. I’m tired of what you look like being valued over your kindness, how clever you are or how you treat others. Fitness should be about testing yourself, finding YOUR limits and pushing them. Not about making others feel shitty about themselves. Strong people make others feel strong, and that’s how it should be.

“Alanine, creatine, carnitine, taurine, energy boosters, carbs, protein. Seriously, any more ‘tines’ and you’d be watching High School Musical” 163

GET FREE

164

S O W O R RY N OT ALL THINGS ARE WELL WE’LL BE ALRIGHT