A satirical publication by The Badger Herald
The belly of Vilas
Since 1892 (does anyone give a shit?) ·www.dirtybird.wisc.edu
April 1, 2016 #tbt lol
Dirty Bird celebrates 125 nonconsecutive years of existence
We’ve been writing words on pages longer than you can hold a keg stand By Jeb!
America’s sweetheart The Dirty Bird has come a long way since it took flight in 1892. We started as a club for watching aerial creatures fornicate and developed our production from there. The Dirty Bird’s original content solely featured in-depth descriptions of birds conjugating. In 1929, UW students staged an uproar against The Dirty Bird because some argued the content became too aggressive and abusive to aerial beings. It was then The Dirty Bird was forced to rethink its content. Since then, The Dirty Bird focused on UW news and kept their bird fetishes a secret, Dirty Bird section editor Pete O’File said.
Senior editor Harry Ballsinya said the original content was hidden somewhere inside of Bascom Hill. Only UW chancellors have the privilege of knowing where it’s concealed. “Some say that [the original content] is hidden on the roof so that the birds can read it. Others think that Becky Blank has it in her office,” Ballsinya said. After the uproar against The Dirty Bird, 40 years passed without incident. We remained the No. 1 (unopposed) newspaper at UW. But The Dirty Bird was burned down metaphorically in 1969, the year The Badger Herald started production. The Dirty Bird has struggled to maintain production since. In 1972, Dirty Bird reporters quit en masse
after their demands were not met, according to former Dirty Bird lead reporter and 1973 alum Clee Torres. “The editors would constantly sneak into our dorms while we were sleeping and make ‘cawing’ sounds and would constantly keep photos of cardinals in the office,” Torres said of her time at the Dirty Bird. “They also forced us to write, word for word, whatever The Badger Herald wrote. I found it unethical and so I staged the strike. They just wouldn’t meet our demands.” Since the 1972 strike, unfortunate events such as badger infestations, fires and UW Chancellor Rebecca Blank taking over the Dirty Bird office, have kept the newspaper from maintaining production for more than a
few years. Despite prior setbacks, The Dirty Bird has received rave reviews from national figureheads. “The Dirty Bird is not fake news,” President Donald Trump said. “Who knew that writing news was so complicated? Not The Dirty Bird.” Makeup icon Kylie Jenner and irrelevant band Big Time Rush have also given The Dirty Bird praise. Ballsinya, the senior editor, said he hopes the Dirty Bird will build upon its current reputation. “Honestly, I just started working here as a resume-builder. It’s OK I guess,” Ballsinya said. “Everyone is obsessed with birds.”
oops, forgot to sell this one. sorry This Corpse Flower stinks, but not as much as living in Vilas!
“Housed in university building...Pays no rent...Registered Student Organization...Uses Wisc.edu emails...Now 100% alumni-funded.”