Chapter 13 Samantha’s Story

13

Samantha’s Story

“Nothing is impossible; the word itself says, ‘I’m possible!’” - Audrey Hepburn

I live in Ballymun, where I have lived since I was a kid. I started drugs at a very young age 13. Like most people in the area, it was just socialising. I had my first child at 16. After she was born, my partner and I went into heavier substance use and by the age of 18, I was addicted and put on a methadone clinic. I stayed on drugs for 23 years. During that time, I had two more daughters. My 2 eldest were taken from me because of my addiction. The third daughter I kept. All 3 suffered the consequences that my addiction caused them.

Still, today, coming on 9 years clean, I still struggle with my feelings. For years I denied them by using drugs. A moment of clarity happened when the doctors told me that I had a year to live because my liver was so damaged by my drug use. If I did not go on treatment, I was going to die.

On the way from the hospital, I was with my parents in the car. Nothing was said, but I could see the fear in my mother’s eyes, fear that she was going to lose her child. I was able to put myself in another person’s shoes. I felt such sadness for my parents and that my children might have to bury me. This was new for me. It was like a spiritual awakening. I knew I needed to change. It made me really, really 69

determined.

I started my journey into recovery in 2010 with a lot of health issues. Many doctors told me that because I was a chronic drug user, I was basically a hopeless case and that I could never achieve or maintain recovery. They thought I was too far gone. I met with a counsellor in my methadone clinic, Domville House. He believed that I wanted recovery and believed I could make it. He supported me through the process. First, I had to prove to the doctors that I could have my methadone and other substances reduced. This was slow and it took me 2 years to get clean.

In that process, I linked in with BYAP. They put me in the ‘reduce the use’ group. I then started a 6-month programme in Soilse. This prepared me for going into treatment to become drug and alcohol-free. Again, this was a slow process. When I look back on it now, I see how it took such a lot of hard work and dedication to remain focused. At times I felt lonely because I had to remove myself from friends that I grew up with. I was very driven. I wanted recovery and at the same time, I had a lot of self-doubt because it was my first time entering recovery. It took a long time for that self-belief to grow, to feel that I really could recover.

In 2012 I became drug and alcoholfree. At that point, I could feel a lot of guilt and shame, especially around my children and family. I started attending the 12 step programme, which I am still very much involved in today.

What has recovery meant for me? It has given me a new way of life. Not only have I built up very good relationships with my family and my girls, but I have gone back into education and I work in a job which is helping other people. That is what I like doing. Most important, it is getting to know myself and build a relationship with myself. Recovery for me means a new way of life. When I came into recovery, that little

“A moment of clarity happened when the doctors told me that I had a year to live because my liver was so damaged by my drug use. If I did not go on treatment I was going to die.”

girl, full of fear and denial of feelings, began growing and becoming more and more accepting of herself every day. If I can give you one thing from my story, it is that I believe there are no hopeless cases and, with the right supports, recovery is possible for all. Believe me, this is true.

The right supports, in my case, were wonderful people. They not only helped me on this journey and they devoted time and patience and belief in me when no one else was believing. Above all, they showed empathy. They were people with a quality of caring and presence that meant so much to me. They made me feel like a human being instead of a hopeless drug addict. I also formed real relationships with other

“If I can give you one thing from my story, it is that I believe there are no hopeless cases and, with the right supports, recovery is possible for all. Believe me, this is true.”

people who, like me, wanted change and many of them have become my friends. I am proud to be a part of ‘Recovery Month’ and I would like to acknowledge all those services and staff and my family and friends for all the love and support throughout the years. You all made this possible. One of the hardest things was learning I was worth recovery. •

Recovery stories yet to be told

These few blank pages are an acknowledgement of the many local recovery stories that have not yet been recorded, written or shared.....

Recovery stories yet to be told

These few blank pages are an acknowledgement of the many local recovery stories that have not yet been recorded, written or shared.....

Recovery stories yet to be told

These few blank pages are an acknowledgement of the many local recovery stories that have not yet been recorded, written or shared.....