Chapter 1 Valerie's Story

“I am living testimony that recovery is possible.” - Valerie

Chapter 1

Valerie’s Story

“Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.” - Oprah Winfrey

My story of alcoholism, like many others, is a typical one. As a young child, I was very clingy and needy, always anxious and very, very insecure. I often felt like the square peg trying to fit into the round hole. School life was hell. I was bullied by others and humiliated by teachers, so I became a loner.

Life improved when I went to secondary school. Lots of change and different people to mix with, it opened my eyes to what I had been missing. I made friends easily with others who were quiet like me. I thought life was great. As the years went on, I made more friends and all

of a sudden, I was with the ‘in crowd’ and I couldn’t believe my luck. That’s when drink came into my life. As a group, we did everything together. Family didn’t matter anymore. I had friends. Real friends and life wasn’t good; it was great.

The social scene of the weekend was telling lies and saying I was going to the cinema on a Saturday night just to get the money for drinks. We pooled our money to get as much drink as we possibly could. It was always quantity versus quality. I don’t ever remember having any issue buying drinks. No one ever refused us as underage. We were served in pubs in town, no bother at all, and we ranged in age from 12 years old to 17 years old.

Having said all that, when I first found drink, I thought, where have you been all my life. I felt like I had arrived in life. I had confidence, courage and a sense of humour. I could get up and dance and talk to the boys. It was wonderful. However, looking back now, I drank for all the wrong reasons and drank way more than my body could handle. I always drank to get drunk and always to excess. I was the one that needed to be minded by either getting sick or falling asleep. Even after all these years, friends always say you just liked your drink; they never thought I had a problem. I continued through life normally enough. I got married and had children. But I still needed the drink; any excuse or not, I drank. I turned into a drunk and had to have a drink every night.

I could function well enough to go to work every day, but over time I lost really good jobs due to my inability to carry them out properly. I’d wake up every morning and swear that last night was the last drink I ever took. Low and behold, by 4 o’clock, my resolve was gone and the cans were bought. The cycle started all over again. I always knew I would have to give up the alcohol, but I thought I’d end up in hospital for that to happen.

Bills went unpaid, and mortgage payments were missed. The fear of losing my home didn’t change my ways. Drink stopped working for me as an enjoyable pursuit a long time ago. I was now a slave to alcohol. I hated drink and I hated myself for being so weak.

Then, 7 years ago, I made the decision to stop drinking. I had lost both my parents and my 2 sisters. I was alone. I had my own family. However, I missed my maternal family. I missed my sister, who died in 2013. We were very close. I watched and nursed her for 8 months while she battled cancer, but I still drank every night because I had the best excuse for it. Through the grieving process, I thought long and hard about my life as it was and realised that I had 2 wonderful children and a grandchild that I really, really wanted to see grow up.

So, on June 25th, 2014, I drank my last drink. I will not say it was easy, but it was well worth it. I availed of all the supports available out there in my area; they were amazing. I have made some lifelong friends through Alcoholics Anonymous(AA) and other services. When I made the decision to give up drinking, one thing worried me. I thought I would never laugh again. How wrong was I? I can now go for a coffee and have a good laugh as I would have when alcohol was consumed.

I suppose I am living testimony that recovery is possible. Is turning your life around easy? Definitely not! But with self-belief, sheer determination, goodwill and the use of existing and accessible supports out there, you too can begin a journey of recovery. I sincerely hope you do. •