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HUMOR & ENTERTAINMENT
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TJH Centerfold
Signs That You Have Become an Israeli
As soon as a tra c light turns green you shout, “Yalla” … even if you are the fi rst person at the light. A line is something that you follow in books only. After every meal, you keep a toothpick in your mouth for 5 hours. “Please,” “thank you,” and “excuse me” are extinct dinosaurs.
Your second sentence upon meeting someone is
You wear slacks and a buttoned, tucked out shirt to weddings. You wear fl ip-fl ops to your own wedding. You use the “rega” hand sign (thumb meets fi ngers in upwards motion) at least three a day. You even eat your hotdogs with chummus. You use the word “nu” at least 10 times when listening to a friend’s story. When angry, you are fl uent in Arabic curse words. You regard tra c signals and stop signs as suggestions. You arrive 30 minutes late for a meeting but are the fi rst person there. You start a blog or website about Israel and Dead Sea products. You prefer Turkish co ee (aka “mud”) over Starbucks. When referring to America, you say “the States.” You think it is normal to buy milk in bags. It takes you .00000000000000001 seconds to split a sunfl ower seed. You don’t think sliced bread is that great anyway. When you spit the sunfl ower seed shell out, it has a better spiral than Peyton Manning’s footballs.
You think that nobody is qualifi ed to be prime minister, except for you…even though you are a taxi driver.
You Gotta be Kidding Me!
Yankel fi nally achieved his lifelong goal – he had the winning lotto number, 49.
Upon hearing the news, his friend David said, “Yankel! How did you happen to pick the winning numbers?”
“I saw it in a dream. Six sevens appeared and danced before my eyes. Six times seven and danced before my eyes. Six times seven is 49, and that’s all there was to it,” is 49, and that’s all there was to it,” said Yankel. said Yankel. “But six times seven is 42, not 49,” responded David. Yankel looked at him and said, “Huh? Alright, so you be the mathematician!”
Israeli Prime Minister Trivia
1. In 1946, when Menachem Begin was in hiding as head of the underground group the Irgun, what did he disguise himself as? a. A taxi driver b. A rabbi c. A homeless man d. A mute
2. Who was the fi rst Israeli prime minister to be born in Israel? a. Yigal Allon b. Ehud Olmert c. Ehud Barak d. Yitzchak Rabin
3. Who is the person doing a headstand in this famous photograph?
a. The founder of Israel’s
Olympic aqua team, Yaakov
Davidi b. Ilan Zoldan, who is said to have brought yoga to Israel from Russia c. Gil Mochai, who, at age 81, held a world record for longest headstand d. Prime Minister David Ben
Gurion
4. Which Israeli prime minister grew up in Milwaukee,
Wisconsin? a. Benjamin Netanyahu b. Golda Meir c. Ehud Olmert d. Ehud Barak
5. Who was Israel’s second prime minister? a. David Ben Gurion b. Yigal Allon c. Moshe Sharett d. Levi Eshkol
6. How many of Israel’s 12 prime ministers served nonconsecutive terms in o ce? a. 2 b. 4 c. 5 d. 8
7. The Israeli elections of 1984 was a political draw, so prime ministership was split between the leaders of the Avoda and the
Likud parties serving two years each in what was called “the rotation.” Who were they? a. Shimon Peres and Yitzhak
Shamir b. Shimon Peres and Menachem
Begin c. Yitzhak Rabin and Yitzhak
Shamir d. Yitzhak Rabin and Menachem
Begin
Answers: 1. B- In 1946, the British placed a $50,000 reward on Begin’s head. He escaped the British dragnet by disguising himself as Rabbi Israel Sassover and was known as “the Sassover Rav.” In his later years, Begin recollected that it was hard for him to keep his disguise when he would walk into shul and people would come up to him and say, “Nu, Rav Sassover, did you hear what the Irgun did today?” 2. A 3. D- This photo of Ben Gurion standing on his head was taken on a Herzliya beach in 1957, while the then-prime minister was relaxing. Ben Gurion liked to stand on his head. He was an avid yogi and traveled to India to study meditation. This picture is of him at 71, in 1957, at the Herzeliya beach (where I am heading to lunch in a bit). 4. B- Golda Meir grew up in Milwaukee and made an aliyah when she was 23 years old. 5. C 6. C 7. A
Eizehu Chacham? 5-7 correct: Aizeh ke ! You win a bag of sunfl ower seeds. 3-4 correct: Not bad. You win sunfl ower seed shells! 0-2 correct: You really don’t know much about Israeli politics. You have no future as an Israeli taxi driver.
