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Mental Health Corner
Mental Health Corner Rebellious Teens
By Rabbi Azriel Hauptman
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Teenagers often go through a period when they seem to be especially drawn to negative behaviors, friendships, and environments. This is an extremely complex topic, especially considering that trauma can play a decisive role in triggering rebellious behavior. In this article we will not focus on the trauma element, rather we will describe other factors that can contribute to the waywardness and insubordination that we find in some adolescents.
Acceptance
Adolescents crave acceptance from their peers. As they emerge from the cocoon of their family and venture out into the world, they can feel unsafe or threatened if they do not feel accepted. When a teen feels that he or she does not fit in, they will gravitate towards alternative behaviors if they believe that they will receive greater acceptance from a specific group of peers. Teenagers who are rejected or bullied by their peers are especially at risk since their search for an alternative group that will accept them can lead to becoming associated with groups that engage in risky or inappropriate behaviors.
Attention
When we show our children affection and attention, we are not just making them feel good; we are sending them a message that they matter and that their existence as an individual is important and valuable. During the teenage years, as adolescents start having more self-directed thought, they can start feeling as if their existence does not matter when they are not given enough attention. Sometimes, parents lead busy lives and a quiet and easy child might grow up without sufficient doses of attention. Lacking sufficient attention can be like lacking oxygen that the desperation for air will push you to get it at any cost. Similarly, a teenager who is attention-deprived might subconsciously feel that negative attention is better than no attention. Behavior that is against the ideals and expectations of parents evokes enormous amounts of attention, even though the attention is not positive in nature.
Identity
Children can blissfully pass through their younger years without asking themselves questions such as, “Who am I?” or, “Why am I here?” Teenagers are often unable to maintain such idyllic ignorance and they will be asking themselves these very difficult questions. As they struggle to figure out who they are, they might try on different identities for themselves to see how they fit.
Independence
Teenagers are starting to feel somewhat like adults but don’t yet have the tools and skills that are required for living independently and taking care of themselves. Concerned parents will therefore limit the amount of independence allowed to a teenager. This will not stop the teen from pushing the limits to achieve as much independence as possible in order to assert his or her status as an emerging adult. This can potentially lead to rebellious behavior.
Adolescence is a difficult period for both parents and teens. Parents are full of anxiety about their children and children are full of confusion during this transitional phase of their lives. There are times when a family therapist can be essential in helping parents and teens work together towards their common goal of emerging from this phase unscathed.
