7 minute read
Mental Health Corner
Mental Health Corner Modeling Emotional Honesty
By Rabbi Azriel Hauptman
Advertisement
Emotional honesty is the awareness of the essence of one’s emotions and the ability to communicate them to others. As a parent, there is no real way to teach emotional honesty other than by modeling. Children are around their parents often enough to have plenty of opportunities to see how they manage their emotions and this will likely be their template for their management of their own emotions throughout their lives.
Here is an example. Shimon had a very hard day, and when he came home he was completely depleted of his energy. As he walked through the door, he tripped on his six-yearold daughter’s shoes. Before he had a chance to think, he immediately screamed out in an angry voice, “Rivka, why did you leave your shoes in the middle of the floor?”
Here is where one’s actions will diverge based on the level of emotional honesty. If Shimon is emotionally dishonest with himself, he will stick to his knee-jerk reaction that Rivka committed a terrible offense by leaving her shoes in middle of the floor. His anger may escalate, as he projects his own personal negativity onto everyone around him. If Shimon reacts this way on a regular basis, it can have severe lifelong repercussions as Rivka develops negative feelings about herself.
The path of emotional honesty would result in an entirely different response. Shimon will immediately realize that he overreacted and that his angry reaction is not a reflection of Rivka’s behavior, but rather a result of the negative emotional state that he was in after having a very hard day. He will calm himself down, approach Rivka, and try to explain to her what happened. He would tell her, “Rivka, you did nothing wrong by leaving your shoes in the middle of the floor and I am sorry for snapping at you. Tatty acted angry because Tatty had a very hard day, and people sometimes make mistakes and act angry at someone else when they are feeling bad about themselves.”
Look at the number of lifelong lessons that Rivka has learned from her father modeling emotional honesty! She learned that when you feel angry at someone else, it is often just a reflection of your own negative emotional state. She also learned that when one gets angry, there are ways to calm yourself down. Additionally, she learned how to be honest with your feelings both towards yourself and towards others.
Another application of emotional honesty in parenting is how one talks to a child when a child sees a parent in a negative emotional state. For example, if a parent is sad due to a personal loss, and tells the children that everything is fine, this communicates to the child that we should suppress our emotions. A parent can instead model emotional honesty by saying, “Mommy is feeling sad today because Mommy misses Bubby. It is okay and normal to sometimes feel sad.” The child can now feel more comfortable about his or her own emotions, and also learns the skill of how to be honest and communicative about one’s emotions.
One can only give what one has. Parents who are blessed with emotional honesty have the ability to impart this invaluable trait to their children, and then can then pass it on to their children. Work on your own emotional honesty and the ripples of your modeling will be enjoyed for generations to come.
Repair and/or replace: Hot Water Tanks • Sump Pumps • Faucets • Toilets • Garbage Disposals • Instant Hots • Dish Washers • Dryers • Washing Machines • Light Fixtures • Switches • Dimmers • Outside Lighting • Fans • Timers • and more...
Licensed • Bonded • Insured
410-929-2802
This is a service of Relief Resources. Relief is an organization that provides mental health referrals, education, and support to the frum community. Rabbi Yisrael Slansky is director of the Baltimore branch of Relief. He can be contacted at 410-448-8356 or at yslansky@reliefhelp.org
DIRSHU Learn All the Halachos of Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur and Sukkos Before the Upcoming Yom Tov
Daf HaYomi B’Halacha Marches Toward World Siyum on Second Machzor
By Chaim Gold
The Daf HaYomi B’Halacha program, Dirshu’s daily Mishnah Berurah learning program, is already well into Chelek Vav, the last chelek of the Mishnah Berurah. That means that the siyum on the second machzor of Daf HaYomi B’Halacha is getting closer.
As in all Dirshu major siyumim, the Siyum upon completion of the seven-year program to learn the entire Mishnah Berurah promises to be a special event. It is sure to be replete with chizuk haTorah and the divrei Elokim chaim delivered by the Gedolei Hador!
The Divine Smile
Sometimes one feels that Hashem, as it were, is showing us somewhat of a Divine Smile. This year’s Daf HaYomi B’Halacha schedule is one of those times.
As is well known to Daf HaYomi B’Halacha learners, the Mishnah Berurah schedule goes in order of the Mishnah Berurah. Beginning with the first siman in Chelek Aleph, a new daf is every day until more than seven years later when the last siman in Chelek Vav is learned and the entire Mishnah Berurah is completed.
Sometimes, this schedule lends itself to learning hilchos Pesach around Rosh Hashanah, which may seem a bit awkward. This year, however, as Daf HaYomi B’Halacha marches toward the massive siyumim that will be held in major Jewish centers around the world, learners will have the opportunity to learn the important halachos of Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur and Sukkos within months and days of those yomim tovim.
“If there was ever a time to join the Daf HaYomi B’Halacha program, now is the time,” said Dirshu hanhalla member, Rabbi Avigdor Bernstein. The halachos of Rosh Hashanah are scheduled to begin this coming 30 Nissan/April 12, 2021, the halachos of Yom Kippur on 20 Sivan/May 30, and finally the halachos of Sukkos will begin on 3 Av/July 12 and will extend right up until Sukkos. Thus, if someone joins the Daf HaYomi B’Halacha program after Pesach, in those months preceding the three yomim tovim of Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur and Sukkos, he will be able to gain a comprehensive knowledge of all the halachos relevant to the three upcoming yomim tovim. This includes the halachos of blowing shofar, the halachos of Yom Kippur - fasting, eating and asking mechilah followed by the comprehensive halachos of Sukkos, building a sukkah, how to choose the daled minim and the list goes on.”
HaRav Yeruchim Olshin signing the Daf HaYomi B’Halacha Shtar Nesius The Vizhnitzer Rebbe addressing a past Daf HaYomi B’Halacha Nesius event
Dirshu Bemoans Loss of Nesius Member, HaGaon HaRav Yechezkel Roth, Zt”l
The recent, sudden passing of the senior leading Posek, HaGaon HaRav Yechezkel Roth, the Karlsburger Rav, zt”l, who was a distinguished member of the Nesius and a great supporter and admirer of Dirshu’s Halacha programs, Daf HaYomi B’Halacha and Kinyan Halacha, was greatly mourned by Dirshu. At a meeting a couple of years ago, Rav Roth said, “Kol hashoneh halacha b’chol yom muvtach shehu ben Olam Haba. A person fulfills the mitzvah of Torah learning when he learns Torah regardless of what area he is learning, however, when one has a choice of learning halacha it takes precedence.”
Over the past ten years, the ability to learn comprehensive halacha l’maaseh has been tremendously enhanced by the publishing of the Dirshu edition of the Mishnah Berurah containing many thousands of piskei halacha culled from the rulings of the Gedolei Haposkim who have rendered halachic decisions on modern day scenarios that have arisen since the publication of the Mishnah Berurah. For example, when one learns the halachos of Shabbos, of shihiya and chazarah, he can also learn about hotplates, crockpots and thermostats in modern day stoves and ovens.
In a recent conversation that senior hanhala members of Dirshu had with senior posek, HaGaon HaRav Shmuel Eliezer Stern, shlita, Gaavad of Shaarei Horaah and Rav of Western Bnei Brak, Rav Stern commented, “When I give a shiur in Mishnah Berurah, the Biurim and Musafim have a transformative effect on the shiur. Everyone wants to hear what the Biurim U’Musafim say and all of the modern-day scenarios to which we can apply the age old halachos.
Recently, Dirshu has made the ability to access the voluminous material in the six volumes far easier with the publishing of the Dirshu Mafteiach on the Mishnah Berurah. In minutes, one can easily look up any question in the new, one-volume sefer which contains over 6,000 primary references and over 70,000 secondary references. In addition, Dirshu has included an English section for those who may not be familiar with some of the current day Hebrew terminology.
Rav Stern was also tremendously enthusiastic about the Mafteach saying that it would solidify the revolution in Halacha, that Dirshu has made.
With Dirshu Daf HaYomi B’Halacha continuing its march through Chelek Vav on the way to the World Siyum on the second machzor of the Mishnah Berurah, now is the best time to join and learn all the halachos of Rosh Hashnhah, Yom Kippur and Sukkos in advance of the yamim tovim.
To join, please contact Dirshu at 1-888-5Dirshu or email info@kolleldirshu.org.
