HUMOR & ENTERTAINMENT

TJH Centerfold

Liar, Liar Pants on Fire

They may be common, but people fall for them every time

E It’s a good thing you came in today. We only have two more in stock. E Five pounds is nothing on a person of your height. E You made it yourself? I never would have guessed. E You don’t look a day over 40. E Dad, I need to move out of the dorm into an apartment of my own so I can have some peace and quiet when I study. have some peace and quiet when I study. E It’s delicious, but I can’t eat another bite. E For some reason, my alarm clock just didn’t go o this morning. E I didn’t listen to my voicemails until now. E The new ownership won’t a ect you. The company will remain the same. E The puppy won’t be any trouble, Mom. I promise

I’ll take care of it myself. E Don’t worry, you’re not late...We always start our Shabbos seuda at 1:45 (especially on short

Shabbosim). E Your hair looks just fi ne. Your hair looks just fi ne. E I’m 29. E Put away the map. I know Put away the map. I know exactly how to get there. E I’m not upset...I’m just tired. E You have my personal guarantee. E I’ll do it tomorrow.

Riddle me This?

After a bus driver came back with less money than he should have, his supervisor decided to fi gure out how many people had been on the bus from the beginning to the end of the route. Due to technology and record keeping, he knows that at the fi rst stop six passengers got on. The bus then proceeded a few blocks and stopped. Two passengers got o and fi ve got on. At the next stop, three people got o and seven came on. It continued for a few blocks and then stopped again. Four people got on and four people got o . It proceeded on its route and at the next stop, fi ve people got on. At the next stop, 14 got people got on. At the next stop, 14 got on and no one got o . How many stops did the bus make?

a. 21 b. 6 c. 23 d. 4

Answer on next page

You Gotta be Kidding Me!

Yankel walks into a hotel and in broken English says to the clerk, “I’d like a room for tonight.”

“I’m sorry, sir, but we have no vacant rooms,” the clerk answers. clerk answers.

“Not even one room?” Yankel asks.

“No, sir, we’re full tonight,” says the clerk.

Yankel thinks for a moment and says, “Tell me, if the President of the United States came in and asked for a President of the United States came in and asked for a room, would you give him one?” room, would you give him one?”

The clerk answers, “Well, if the President of the United States asked for a room, I would fi nd one for him!” ed States asked for a room, I would fi nd one for him!”

Yankel replies, “Well, the president is not coming here tonight. So give me the room you’d give to him!” here tonight. So give me the room you’d give to him!”

Know Your Voltage

1. Who created the fi rst commercial electric power plant? a. Thomas Edison b. Benjamin Franklin c. Albert Einstein d. Robert Goddard

2. One lightning bolt One lightning bolt has enough electricity has enough electricity to power how many to power how many homes? a. 500 b. 1,500 c. 10,000 d. 200,000

What did Thomas demonstrate how his electricity was safer than his competitor’s

3. What did Thomas

Edison do to demonstrate how his electricity was safer than his competitor’s electricity? a. He provided free fi re insurance to any home that switched from his that switched from his competitor’s electricity to competitor’s electricity to his. b. He stuck a wet piece of metal in a 10,000 watt metal in a 10,000 watt socket in the middle of socket in the middle of Times Square Times Square c. He went to di erent c. He went to di erent towns and tried selling his towns and tried selling his competitor’s electricity. competitor’s electricity.

When potential customers When potential customers would point out the safety would point out the safety fl aws, he would respond, fl aws, he would respond,

“That is why you should “That is why you should actually buy my product, not actually buy my product, not the inferior electricity that I the inferior electricity that I have been talking about for have been talking about for the past hour.” the past hour.” d. He electrocuted an elephant. d. He electrocuted an elephant.

4. 4. The energy source The energy source used most in the U.S. to used most in the U.S. to generate electricity is: generate electricity is: a. Natural gasa. Natural gas b. Coalb. Coal c. Nuclear powerc. Nuclear power d. Petroleum

5. What does a transformer do to an electrical current? a. Changes its voltage b. Adds more watts c. Turns electricity into power d. Prevents it from catching fi re

6. Electrical currents are measured in “amps” which is an abbreviation for: a. Amplifi er b. Ampiliospholisitismosis c. Amperes d. Ampidization

Answers: 1. A-The fi rst central power plant was built by Thomas Edison and began generating electricity on September 4, 1882. It had one generator, and it produced power for 800 electric light bulbs. Within 14 months, it had 508 subscribers and 12,732 bulbs. 2. D 3. D- Edison used his competitor’s alternative current system to publicly execute an elephant, named Topsy, which belonged to Coney Island’s Luna Park. Topsy was deemed a threat to people after she killed three men in three years, the last a drunk trainer who had fed her a lit cigar.

4. B- Close to 50% of electricity in the U.S. comes from coal 5. A- Transformers change the high-voltage electricity that travels through transmission lines into the low-voltage electricity you want in your house. 6. C

Wisdom Key: 5-6 correct: You are a thousand watts, my friend! 3-4 correct: You are like a 60 watt light bulb—useful, good to have around, but not very exciting. 0-2 correct: When your momma told you, as a kid, not to stick your fi ngers in the socket, she meant it!

bus, but your job was simply to fi gure out how many stops the bus made (hardly a daunting task). Answer to riddle: B- There were six stops. It may be the supervisor’s job to fi gure out how many people were on the