On The Lighter Side

On The Lighter Si “Say What?!”

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People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

-A. A. Milne

If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.

-Ann Landers

Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.

-Bob Thaves

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

- Charles M. Schulz

The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.

- Sid Caesar

A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.

-Don Marquis

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

-Earl Wilson

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

-Emo Philips

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.

-George Bernard Shaw

If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.

-George Burns

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

- Johnny Carson

Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard.

-Margaret Culkin Banning

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

-Mark Twain

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

-Milton Berle

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.

-Robert Frost

It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?

-Ronald Reagan

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far, I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

-Dave Barry

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

-Dalai Lama

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

-Mark Twain

I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.