18 minute read
Hollywood Ending
Nes and Ari Blau are living out their dreams – not the dreams they had when they were kids, nor the dreams manufactured by Hollywood.
An actress and a writer respectively, Nes and Ari were two rising stars who found each other and together found Torah. Just on the cusp of success, they walked away from their burgeoning careers and the goals that they had chased for many years.
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1 Jew in Cape May
Ari Blau grew up in a Conservative Jewish household in Cape May, New Jersey. He attended Jewish day school near Atlantic City where his mom taught third grade. It was there that he learned to read Hebrew and received the fundamentals of Judaism, skills that would prove invaluable later on in life.
As his bar mitzvah approached, Ari began questioning the meaning behind “becoming a man” in Judaism. He wasn’t satisfied with the simple answers he received such as “just be a good person”; at that young age he already understood that “good” was subjective. Several of the teachers at his school came from the Lakewood Jewish community, and one of the rabbis invited Ari to spend a Shabbos in Lakewood to learn more. Ari accepted and brought his best friends, Ben and Izzy, along.
“That Shabbos was life-changing for me – everything about it. I davened in Beth Medrash Govoha Yeshiva. I didn’t know what that was but for the first time I saw people really praying.”
His only prior experience with communal prayer was attending a Conservative synagogue in Margate.
Ari was also struck by the sense of community when he saw people greeting each other on the streets.
“Everything about it was so amazing that I started going back time and time again to Lakewood for Shabbos, as a 12-year-old boy. I started wearing a kippah out of school and put on tzitzit.”
Though they kept a kosher home, Ari’s family would eat at non-kosher restaurants. Ari began keeping fully kosher, and his mom would accommodate him with kosher food on paper plates.
Ari wanted to continue his Torah studies at yeshiva high school with Ben and Izzy in Philadelphia. Unfortunately, Ari’s parents had divorced when he was around nine, and his father had eventually left the family completely. It was a really difficult period, and Ari decided it was best if he didn’t leave home; he reasoned that he could go to public school and still keep up with Ben and Izzy and learn with them by phone.
Ari started off strong as he entered high school with a kippah and tzitzit, the only Jew in a school of 1,500 students. There were no other Jewish families in Cape May; it was largely a “summer” community with racism pervasive amongst the yearround families. It wasn’t long before Ari became the subject of anti-Semitic bullying – from having pennies thrown at him to swastikas being drawn on his locker. Ari found protection and camaraderie among the few black students at school. He also began to rely on comedy as a defense mechanism, responding to derogatory comments with clever retorts. Yet it soon became too much for him to handle. He eventually removed his kippah and tzitzit, and dropped his attempts to keep kosher and observe Shabbos.
“I even stopped talking to Ben and Izzy on the phone… You get a new group of friends and you’re into different things,” he recalls. “I thought that phase of my life was over.”
Ari’s affinity for comedy led him to follow the work of Jewish comedians like Adam Sandler. He attended film school at New York University
Ari with his friends in high school
and began performing at open mic sessions in local comedy clubs. He landed an internship at the Daily Show hosted by Jon Stewart. Stewart suggested Ari create YouTube videos to showcase his talents, and Ari went on to establish a huge online presence.
Other advice that Stewart shared was that “the only way to succeed is to not have a plan-B.” This fueled Ari to pursue his goals of succeeding in the entertainment industry full-on, and he soon made the move to LA. A friend at The Late Late Show with James Corden got Ari a part-time job as a gofer. Ari spent the next few years honing his skills and hoping to work his way up the ladder.
In 2015, Ari went on Birthright, the heritage trip that provides an introduction to Israel for those who have never been to the Holy Land. There was very little focus on Judaism, and it was only on the last day that they were given a chance to visit the Western Wall. Ari’s fond memories and emotions were stirred when he reached the Kotel.
Nes’s Miracle
Vanessa Elgrichi grew up in Los Angeles in a traditional Sephardic home. They observed basic rituals of Shabbos and acknowledged the major Jewish holidays but weren’t versed in the rules or the meaning behind their customs. She grew up with a solid belief in G-d, but wasn’t connected in her everyday life. Her Israeli-born mother had named her Nes, “miracle” in Hebrew, since she was born around Chanukah and was considered a miracle as her mother was told she couldn’t have children.
Nes’s parents dreamed of her be
Ari on the Late Late Show with James Corden
coming an actress and began driving her to auditions when she was eight years old. She soon became obsessed with stardom herself. By age 11, Nes had appeared in successful TV series such as The X-Files and Everybody Loves Raymond.
When Nes was 13, her family relocated to Las Vegas, and her career was put on pause. Undeterred, Nes got her driver’s license at 15 and began driving to LA for auditions several times a for a few months – he dreamed of being an actor but was instead stuck living a lie.
week throughout high school. Oftentimes she made the 4-plus-hours trip for a brief few minute audition before driving the same long way back home. Nes’s parents both struggled with health issues, and her desire for stardom was further intensified by the belief that her success could help them as well.
Nes attended film school at University of Las Vegas while still booking roles in Vegas and LA before making the difficult decision to leave her parents and younger sister to live in LA. She took the cliché waitressing job and attended acting school. There, Nes learned some of the harsh lessons of the entertainment industry. One of her classmates was crying and explaining that he had been on a “reality” dating show and was contractually obligated to be married to his costar and began dating.
During this time, Nes had joined a Birthright trip to Israel, and she, too, had a moving experience at the Kotel. She returned to LA longing to explore her new feelings but had nobody to turn to. At her agent’s suggestion, Nes tried her hand at stand-up comedy, and she crossed paths with Ari at an open mic session. The two hit it off
Heading to the Holy Land
After returning from Israel, Ari couldn’t stop thinking about his trip. He connected with the Los Angeles Jewish Experience and began celebrating Shabbos once again. He eventually started learning with Rabbi Eden Markowitz, who invited Nes for her first Shabbos meal. Both Nes and Ari learned that LAJ was running a trip to Israel that upcoming summer led by Rabbi Alex Landa and his wife and offering Torah based content.
The two had their hesitations about joining the trip.
“I really wanted to go but couldn’t imagine getting off work,” says Ari. “Then James Corden announced that he’d booked a role in a movie and our show would be on hiatus for the sum
A yarmulke with a message from Above
mer – and that those were the exact dates of the trip to Israel.”
Nes was encouraged to join the trip, but she and Ari had only been dating a couple of months, which was a very short time in their secular world.
Eventually, they both decided to make the trip. It proved to be an experience that changed the trajectories of their lives.
Nes and Ari were overwhelmed by their visit to Israel, the countless inspirational moments, and all of the emotions that they experienced. They knew they wanted to become Torah observant but had no idea how they would possibly combine Judaism and Hollywood, since they had each experienced enough to know the worlds were not in alignment.
“We had this amazing experience and we’re in Mamilla sitting on the stairs and we are in tears,” recalls Nes. “We don’t understand how we just learned all of this emes and we feel so connected – how are we going to go back to America and do our jobs?”
As a comedy writer, Ari was painfully aware of the inappropriate material that was the norm in Hollywood. Then there were additional apprehensions. Throughout his career he would observe celebrities, even those with a comedic or happy persona, seem miserable and even rude at times.
“The more time I spent around celebrities, the less I wanted to be one,” Ari shares. “Celebrities aren’t the people that you see on the screen. A lot of them are unhappy and lost. They’re famous and rich, but they’re not happy. It’s an overwhelming majority of them.”
Throughout her years in the in-
Ari at the Kotel on his Birthright trip
dustry, Nes too grew more aware of the dark side of Hollywood, though she managed to stay above it as much as possible. She was struck by both the constant objectification and the fakeness in LA. Actors and actresses sign up to “do or die,” explains Nes, often doing inappropriate or humiliating things without any guarantees for the opportunities. She is grateful that she never did anything regrettable, but knows she definitely lost out on opportunities.
“I’m lucky I had a good head on my shoulders thanks to my parents – thank G-d I never did anything [inappropriate], I always got out,” she says. “I always felt like there was something more and that my work was more valuable than using yourself to get it.”
She adds, “Actors who are celebrities are real people, but they’re being told what to do. They can’t make their own decisions – they’re contracted to do certain things and they’re addicted to the fame and everything being scripted. It comes to the point where they don’t have a choice. They get told who to date, what to eat, what to wear. They don’t have meaning because they don’t have control or say over their own lives.”
Nes remembers thinking, “It’s not just not kosher; it’s not real – it’s a total lie. How are you going to write jokes for the show that are inappropriate? How can we make this work into our lives? These are our dreams from when we were young. We had no answer at that point.”
Nes and Ari continued to contemplate how they would manage it all when they saw the encouraging sign they were hoping for.
“We walked to the bus and saw a man wearing a kippah that said, ‘Don’t worry, be Jewish.’”
Suddenly, it all made sense.
“We understood that if we move forward with that attitude, everything will work out.”
They made the decision to keep Shabbos once they got off the plane.
Shabbos in Hollywood
Rabbi Landa had advised them that they’d likely be faced with tests, and the challenges indeed came immediately. As Nes returned to LA, she received the big break she’d been waiting for. One of Hollywood’s biggest and most connected agents reached out to her looking to represent her.
With her newfound commitment to Yiddishkeit, Nes understood she would now encounter new hurdles.
Nes bravely told him, “I keep the Sabbath, and I can’t work from Friday night through Saturday night, and he said, ‘OK, that’s fine.’”
Soon enough, the High Holidays approached, and Nes realized she never knew how many days of yom tov there were. She told her agent she needed the month of October off, which meant missing out on auditioning for all TV for the next season. She thought he’d fire her but he optimistically said, “OK. We’ll get ‘em next year.”
Nes was elated. “I was like, I’m going to be the first frum actress in Hollywood. I felt like this is all connecting – thank you Hashem.”
As Nes began to envision being a fully Orthodox Jew in Hollywood, she
Ari and Nes at the Kotel
still had many concerns. She began to feel more and more uncomfortable and would skip certain auditions. She told her agent she would no longer touch those of the opposite gender and he understood, as he had a Christian client who said the same. He eventually told her, “You realize this is no longer a career anymore for you. This is a hobby.”
Nes contemplated ending her Hollywood career altogether, but this had been her entire life. As she prayed for clarity, an email came from her agent informing her that he no longer wanted to represent her. Nes immediately felt relieved.
“There was a little part of me inside that was crushed, but I knew I was making the right decision,” she says.
She and Ari got engaged a week later. She also began fully using her Hebrew name.
Wishing Corden Clarity
Meanwhile, when Ari returned back to work from Israel, he received a promotion to producing and made it to the writer’s room. He worked with the monologue team and was one of the producers for the first 25 episodes of Corden’s famed “Carpool Karaoke” segment. The popularity of Corden’s show shot up meteorically and became an Emmy award-winning phenomenon.
Ari still had to write inappropriate jokes, and to joke about celebrities he’d also have to read all about them and speak with them, and then go home to his wife and his Torah life.
“They don’t blend,” he acknowledges, “Torah and Hollywood are complete opposites.
“I made the decision I was going to leave.”
Ari met with Corden to tell him his plans. He explained that he was getting married and planned to spend the next year living in Jerusalem, taking some time to work on himself.
“James paused, looked me in the eye and said, ‘Ari, I’m so jealous of you.’”
Corden admitted that, though he “has it all,” he had no time with his wife and kids and often wondered if he was doing the most meaningful thing with his own life. Stunned, Ari wished Corden clarity and left.
As his time in showbusiness wound down, Ari’s Hollywood story came full circle. Adam Sandler, Ari’s early role model of success, came on the show. Though Ari’s enthusiasm for Hollywood had waned, meeting Sandler in person seemed special nonetheless. As Ari chatted excitedly with Sandler, instead of seeing the happy-go-lucky energetic comedian that Ari idolized, Sandler seemed sad and drained as he wearily rattled off his upcoming projects. Ari’s decision to leave the Hollywood life was solidified.
An Emotional Journey
Nes and Ari went on another trip through LAJ, this time to Poland and the Auschwitz concentration camp. One of the most startling experiences came for Ari as the group of 30 people worked together to salvage shards of Jewish bones from a field in the concentration camp of Chelmno. He thought of the 150 people on staff at The Late Late Show and the millions
of dollars spent to produce a TV show, and all of the efforts made simply for the sake of entertainment.
“I knew once again that it was the right decision to leave Hollywood behind. Those 20 minutes we spent were more meaningful than anything I ever did in Hollywood,” he says.
The trip to Auschwitz hit Nes hard and brought her observance to another level. She saw a room filled with piles of hair taken from Jewish women in the infamous concentration camp.
“It was very emotional, very depressing,” Nes says. “I couldn’t stop crying when I saw it. They knew this was special to us, so they took it from us.”
Three months later, after her wedding, Nes made the decision to cover her hair.
A Life of Substance
Ari spent a year in Israel learning at Machon Shlomo in Har Nof, with Nes at Neve Yerushalayim. The Blaus returned to the States and had baby girl. They worked for Tomchei Shabbos LA and other Jewish nonprofits, but ultimately made the decision to return to Israel, where they reside today. Ari is currently learning for a second year at Machon Shlomo, while Nes learns at She’arim. The Blaus have started speaking and sharing their story and recently completed a speaking tour with Aish UK. They’ve visited schools and camps in Jewish communities around the world and hope to inspire others with the message that you can achieve anything in this world – as long as living a Jewish life is your top priority.
Nes’s parents have accepted her new lifestyle proudly. Her father even took on new observances and began putting on tefillin every day. Ari’s family was accepting as well.
Asked what advice he has for those on the path to observance about how to relate to their families, Ari shares, “It’s a fine balance; just try to look at it from their perspective. Any family that has a child or anyone in their family that becomes religious when they’re not, they just want what’s best, but they don’t know that that is what’s best. They really do have the person’s best interest in mind, if you
could just look at it from their perwas important in my life before, and and found out about a fancy steak that spective. The basis of it comes from a being off social media has probably they never knew about it – they would loving place.” helped me connect even better. It was never say they ‘gave up’ TV dinners
The Blaus recognize that the Holconsuming my time.” for steak. It was a blessing. Becoming lywood lifestyle is intriguing to many. Ari assures, “We do need laughter, religious saved our lives from what
“It’s a shock to people when they and I still try to incorporate it into my would have happened had we stayed in Hollywood.”
Ari cautions people to be aware of what they watch and not to get caught up by how relationships or families are portrayed on the screen.
“Hollywood spends millions of dollars to make what you’re watching feel real,” he shares. “They do a great job of convincing people. Even if it says in the beginning ‘based on a true story,’ it’s based on a true story that was then fabricated by Hollywood beFlower Delivery Club Join the cause they need to make it juicy! The relationships you see on TV or in the movies are not real.”
Even for those who avoid TV and pop culture in general, the genre of • Free delivery every Friday the fairytale romance, complete with heartbreak and resolution, is long en• Starting at just grained in our collective psyche and manufactured by writers and producers. So-called reality TV shows are scripted as well – from the bickering to the marriages. “A façade,” explains Ari. “It’s complete olam ha’sheker.” Ari had spent years creating his Ruby Lasker Designs $15/week Shelly’s Blossom Shop YouTube videos and promoting his comedy career on social media.
“One day I just deleted it all, and 410.961.4199 it was the best thing I ever did. I have not disconnected from anyone who
Nes also realizes how she spent her whole life playing characters, but “If you really want to live a was never able to be herself. “Leaving Hollywood, aside from real meaningful life, with true all the fakeness and everything else, happiness and get the most out of I realized how unique each individual is and how important it is to just be life, you’re so lucky because the yourself and live in your own shoes.” answers are all there in the Torah.” N es and Ari are today living their lives far away from the world they once knew and building a future very different than the one they had imagined. Though hear the truth that celebrities are not daily life.” they’ve had their share of Hollywood happy,” he says. “And if you really Often asked if they miss their old moments and a few fond memories, want to live a real meaningful life, lives, the answer is clear. leaving Hollywood for the opportuwith true happiness and get the most “Not at all. Not one bit,” says Ari. nity to live an authentic Jewish life is out of life, you’re so lucky because the “Like someone who loves TV dinners their ultimate Hollywood ending. answers are all there in the Torah. It’s way more prestigious to be giving back to Klal Yisrael and doing a job that has real meaning to it.”
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