Teen Talk

by Daniella Quinn

Dear Teen Talk,

Teen Talk, a new column in TJH, is geared My best friend and I have been best friends since third grade. (We are now going into eighth grade.) We walk to school together and study together after school most days. On Shabbos, we get towards the teens in our community. Answered by a rotating roster of teachers, rebbeim, clinicians, and peers (!), teens will be hearing answers to many questions they had percolating in their minds and wished they had the answers for. together with other friends, but everyone knows that when they invite one of us, they should invite both of us to any event – we are always together. This summer, though, for different reasons, we didn’t go to camp together. I stayed home and worked in a day camp. My friend went to sleepaway camp. We kept up – talked on the phone and texted – but since she’s gotten back, I feel like it’s not the same. I’m very stressed. We’ve been best friends for years, but now she seems to have less time to get together and is on the phone and texting her camp friends a lot when we’re together. What can I do to make things go back to the way they were? Thanks, Shira

Thank you so much for writing in! I think your question is a very important one because it’s one that many of us have. Whether in middle school, high school, or even after, our friendships can go through many changes.

The thing is, we tend to view change as something bad when it doesn’t have to be. The big thing about change is that it’s scary, it’s unexpected, and it can make us feel out of control, things none of us like to feel.

However, change is unavoidable, and as crazy as it sounds, it’s a constant in our lives. Think about it. The shift from one grade to the next, making new friends, switching schools, and even going from school to camp. All of these are examples of

events, big and small, that change who we are. Even if the change isn’t noticeable, it’s still there and it makes a major impact in shaping who we are. With all that being said, I completely understand how frustrating this situation must be. Not only did you not see this coming, but now you are afraid you’re going to lose

As situations in life change, it’s so important that you take it and make the best of it.

your best friend and so of course all you want is for it to go back to the way it was before, because it was so good.

As much as you want to go back to the way things were before, I want you to try to let that idea go. The way you described your friendship, it’s hard for me to believe she would

Are you a teen with a question? If you have a question or problem you’d like our columnists to address, email your question or insight to editor@fivetownsjewishhome.com, subject line: Teen Talk.

walk away from you that easily. The two of you have been friends for years, and that’s not something either of you should just give up. At the same time, comparing the friendship to what it was is only going to hurt it more. As situations in life change, it’s so important that you take it and make the best of it.

Yes, your friendship now may be different but different does not have to be a bad thing. It’s important to remember that a friendship is made up of individuals, meaning that at the end of the day you are both your own people. When one person changes, so to speak, the friendship changes, and I’m going to say this as many times as I can: it’s not a bad thing! It sounds like your friend had an amazing summer, and I’m sure, all stressed feelings aside, you are so happy for her. I want you to imagine if you were in her shoes. She just came back from camp, and she is on such a high. She made new friends, new memories, and that is so special for her. You, too, would be on this high had you been in her place. It may feel like she doesn’t have room for you in her life right now, but it’s hard for me to believe that that is the case. I think that it’s very possible that she just misses camp and the experiences she had, and she is trying to connect to it as much as she can. She would love to talk to you about her summer, and I think it would mean the world to her if you asked about it.

Daniella is originally from Houston, Texas, and recently moved to Baltimore, Maryland, after a year of seminary in Israel. She currently works in a school while studying for a degree in psychology.

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