MAGAZINE
STAGE TWO OF THE GRACEWOOD SECRETS TO A LONG, HEALTHY LIFE THE DARK SIDE OF CHRISTMAS Summer Edition 2016 • www.baptistcare.org.au
Pages throughout this report have accompanying videos you can view by simply pressing the PLAY button. Ross Low CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER
You can also watch stories from across BaptistCare on our YouTube Channel www.youtube.com/ BaptistCareNSWACT
It’s a time for celebration as we head, ever so quickly, into the festive season. We’ve recently celebrated the official opening of Stage Two of The Gracewood in Kellyville (p5) and community housing for seniors in the Northern Rivers (p15). Two of our elderly clients have surpassed 100 years on this earth, Jean Prince recently turned 101 (p6), and Mr Trivedi is looking forward to turning 105 this December (p16). Here, they share their secrets to a long, rewarding life.
To subscribe to our TRUST e-magazine just email: events@baptistcare.org.au Sign up for E-News www.baptistcare.org.au Like us on Facebook facebook.com/ BaptistCareNSWACT Join the conversation on Twitter @BaptistCare Connect with us on LinkedIn “BaptistCare NSW & ACT” Phone: 1300 275 227 BaptistCare NSW & ACT ABN 90 000 049 525
We reached the milestone of 100 trained volunteers providing love and support in their communities through our volunteer pastoral care program (p10). And the first Tara’s Angels caseworker is now helping survivors of domestic violence rebuild their lives (p13). Taking centre stage as the focus of our Christmas Appeal, we look at the impact Domestic and Family Violence
has on women and children, particularly around this time of year. We hear from our team member, Cathy Zervos, on the prevalence of violence at Christmas (p8). And we wrap up this edition with a very real story of hope from a mother empowered beyond domestic violence (p18). We are extremely grateful to her for sharing her journey, and it gives us much joy to report that Christmas is now a much brighter time for both her and her children. Every year, we have the honour of working with people from all walks of life. There are many things we can do, as individuals and together, to help create hope for those in need. We thank you for your generous support of our work this year. And we wish you and yours a joyful and safe Christmas and New Year.
Editor - Elizabeth Byrne TRUST is the partners’ magazine produced by BaptistCare for its members, donors, supporters, clients, the Baptist Churches of NSW & ACT, and the wider community. TRUST is distributed quarterly.
JOY Christmas is almost upon us and in this modern world many of us experience a ‘disconnect’ between the glorious news of the Christmas story and our pressured lives. How do we integrate the timeless message of the Christmas story with our frantic and sometimes chaotic lives? The Angels declared “I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people” and then heavenly hosts break out in glorious song: “Glory to God in highest heaven, and peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased.” I want us to reflect on joy for a moment. Hopefully this little prompt will encourage us all, not just to accept the ‘disconnect’ we sometimes feel as ‘the way it has to be’, but challenge ourselves to find the reality of God’s joy and peace in our everyday experience. A formal definition for joy is “a state of mind and an orientation of the heart. It is a settled state of contentment, confidence and hope. It is something or someone that provides a source of happiness.”
Trevor Wight BAPTISTCARE SENIOR CHAPLAIN
• When we seek God through His Word and prayer, we will receive joy. 1 John 1:4 • We will experience joy when we participate in people’s journey towards Jesus. 1Thessalonians 2:19
“We're depending on God; he's everything we need. What's more, our hearts brim with joy since we've taken for our own his holy name. Love us, God, with all you've got — that's what we're depending on.” (Psalm 33:20-22 MSG)
We know that: is a gift from God and is • Joy the second "fruit of the Spirit." Galatians 5:22 are encouraged to rejoice • We always, in all circumstances. Philippians 4:4
I found some practical insights from Kay Warren’s book, “Choose Joy: Because Happiness Isn’t Enough”. She said:
Finding joy is a challenge for me. I’m not naturally an upbeat person…It was because of my own inability to live with joy that led me to explore why my experiences didn’t line up with Scripture. My problem was my definition of joy. I thought joy meant feeling good all the time. That’s impossible! Even for those who are naturally upbeat and optimistic, that’s impossible. So here’s the definition I’ve come up with from studying Scripture: Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.” What’s your response to this encouraging insight? In this Christmas season may we all learn to embrace God’s gift of joy in our everyday experience.
L to R: Penny Edwards, Mike Furner, Ross Low, Judith Carpenter, Hon. Ray Williams MP, Clr Yvonne Keane & Dr Graham Henderson
Press play to see The Gracewood residents in action
THE GRACEWOOD STAGE TWO
NOW OPEN
Hills Shire Mayor, Councillor Yvonne Keane and Mr Ray Williams MP, Member for Castle Hill were special guests recently at the official opening of Stage Two of Kellyville’s multiaward winning independent living community, The Gracewood.
"...a wonderful sense of community amongst the residents, a level of vitality that you don’t always see."
Since launching in 2013, The Gracewood has grown to become a wonderful community of people enjoying retirement living in the heart of the Hills District.
now sold and 60 new residents moving in last month,” he said.
Stage Two comprises 80 new luxurious and architecturally designed apartments that capture the vistas of the natural surroundings. BaptistCare General Manager, Housing and Retirement Living, Mike Furner, said these new apartments bring the total
number of residents enjoying The Gracewood lifestyle to more than 200. “It has been a huge 12 months for The Gracewood, with 80% of the Stage Two apartments
“The Gracewood is more than just modern apartments with all you could want to support a great lifestyle, but it also has a wonderful sense of community amongst the residents, a level of vitality that you don’t always see.“ “It’s great to see residents and their families strolling through
the Cumberland forest, enjoying a dip with the grandchildren in the heated pool and having a dig in the communal veggie patch.” There are more than 184,000 seniors living in retirement villages across Australia and this number is expected to double by 2025. “BaptistCare’s Community Living model recognises the emerging needs and expectations of this new generation of retirees,” said Mr Furner. “With the Government’s increased attention on providing care services at home, Community Living encourages social engagement, with the integration of care services to promote independence.” The Gracewood is one of nine BaptistCare retirement villages spread across Sydney and as far north as Alstonville, with all residents having access to home support services. In addition, The Gracewood will soon be home to a state-of-theart aged care facility, due to open in early 2017.
www.baptistcare.org.au | TRUST Summer 2016
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STAYING ACTIVE IS THE
SECRET TO 101-YEAR-OLD’S LONG LIFE Jean Prince celebrated her 101st birthday with a family gathering at BaptistCare Shalom Centre at Macquarie Park. She was born in Newtown on October 23, 1915 and married her husband of 56 years Bert in 1942 at Dulwich Hill. They had three daughters together and today her family has extended to include six grandchildren and six great grandchildren.
Manager Wendy Morris said “(Jean) says her secret is being active and involved.
BaptistCare is thrilled to be celebrating this special milestone with Jean, her family and friends.”
“She is always keen to be involved in the many activities on offer at BaptistCare Shalom Centre and she has a large circle of friends that she enjoys spending time with.
This article is kindly reproduced with permission from the author, John Besley and the Northern District Times where it first appeared on 2 November 2016.
“We think she looks much younger than her 101 years and
The family travelled extensively throughout much of the 1970’s and ‘80s and she still holds those memories close. Mrs Prince spent much of her life working as a typist and bookkeeper which gave her valuable skills that would come in handy during her time with various sporting clubs such as Beecroft Bowling Club. As for what has kept her going this long, BaptistCare Shalom Centre’s Residential 6
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Jean Prince with Janine Louw, Administration Coordinator, BaptistCare Shalom Centre
IN SUPPORT OF BAPTISTCARE We’re thrilled to announce the 2017 date for this must-attend Sydney event, raising much needed funds for women and children experiencing domestic and family violence. Join us at the unique heritage venue Doltone House Jones Bay Wharf, Pyrmont as together we help end the cycle of abuse.
FRIDAY 26 MAY 2017 Sponsorship and ticket information coming soon to
haloball.org.au E events@baptistcare.org.au
www.baptistcare.org.au | TRUST Summer 2016
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HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS? NOT SOMETHING EVERY FAMILY GETS TO EXPERIENCE A MESSAGE ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AT CHRISTMAS By Cathy Zervos, Manager at BaptistCare Relationship Services
When most people think about special occasions such as Christmas, it usually conjures up fond memories.
Granted it can be a stressful period for a lot of parents tasked with what feels like a neverending cycle of cooking, cleaning and buying presents. But at the end of the day, most anticipate it being a joyful occasion. A time we spend with our loved ones; a time for giving, enjoying great food, and the magic of the holiday season. Children, especially, build up so much excitement as Christmas gets closer and closer. Sadly, this is not the case for all families.
The reality for many at Christmas time is starkly different. Families living with domestic violence face much anxiety and uncertainty at this time of year. Whilst it may be hard to imagine this reality, we have the opportunity to shine a light on and talk about family violence, something that is, too often, hidden behind the veil of private, ‘family’ business. I’m a counsellor and manage frontline services for victims of domestic violence at BaptistCare. I frequently see women living with violence who will do everything in their power to create a peaceful and nurturing environment, particularly at Christmas time. In wanting to maintain an intact family and shield their children from the impact of the abuse, they may stay in an unsafe situation, despite their better instincts telling them that they should leave. Leaving, however, creates greater risk of escalating violence. There are no easy choices here. Abuse and violence are very different from regular relationship conflict. Rather than negotiating differences and
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reaching compromise, it is the intentional abuse of one person’s power to disadvantage or disempower another. Happiness and excitement are replaced by grief and terror. Children come to associate special occasions with dread and anxiety. The added stress and pressures experienced by women who are living with domestic violence often heighten. Whilst maintaining an appearance of celebration and happiness, women live with the fear, uncertainty and unpredictability of violence and abuse. They fear for the emotional and often physical safety of their children, living in a constant state of stress - stress that their children feel instinctively. Christmas is traditionally a time of increased consumption of alcohol, contributing to greater volatility and stress. The level of tension experienced by families in this situation is extremely anxiety provoking. It stretches a woman’s ability to cope to its limits and a child’s challenging behaviours are a clear signal of the stress and volatility that they are exposed to. Domestic violence is not ok at any time of the year and Christmas is no exception. I cannot emphasise enough that the pressures of Christmas never
Cathy Zervos
justify or cause the violence. What we must never lose sight of is that a man always has a choice and is responsible for his use of controlling, coercive and violent behaviour.
Domestic violence is not ok at any time of the year and Christmas is no exception.
In over ten years of counselling women and couples, I have seen with my own eyes that the impact and effects of longstanding abuse and violence are often more pronounced
during this period. Christmas is a reminder to women that the experience of a ‘happy Christmas’ is not a given. It is very much uncertain, depending on the choices her partner makes. Helping women is something we, as a community, can take responsibility for. We can call out domestic violence. We can talk about it so that people understand it will never be ok at any time of year, least of all at a time when we are celebrating with loved family and friends. If you are experiencing domestic or family violence you can seek support by contacting the National Domestic Violence Service on 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). If you are in immediate danger call triple zero (000).
www.baptistcare.org.au | TRUST Summer 2016
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100 TRAINED VOLUNTEERS FOR PASTORAL CARE PROGRAM
Graduates from Frenchs Forest Baptist Church
BaptistCare’s Volunteer Pastoral Care Program has reached a milestone of 100 trained pastoral care volunteers across the state providing emotional and spiritual support to seniors either in their own homes or in BaptistCare facilities. 10
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In its second year, the program plays a vital role in reducing social isolation of the elderly with BaptistCare residents and clients eagerly accepting the friendship, support and genuine connection that pastoral care volunteers provide during regular visits. One hundred care volunteers are now fully trained and active in their respective communities, through the free interactive pastoral course that runs for two hours a week over eight weeks, including practical work alongside BaptistCare Chaplains. Project Coordinator Ross Wakeley is encouraged by the response of individuals, both volunteers and recipients. “It’s quite remarkable. We now have one hundred people, from various teams across the state, trained as pastoral care volunteers and close to 2000 visits have taken place,” said Ross.
“Yesterday I was out visiting with one of my team members and in every single case, the people we visited asked my team member to return. They were so appreciative of someone coming to offer genuine pastoral care. Many of these people had no church background,” Ross said. “The project started in May 2015 with a goal to establish seven active teams around the state. We have already achieved that, and we’re going into next year with interest from six more groups.” Established teams in the program include Frenchs Forest, Macquarie Park, Goulburn, Hills District, Mid North Coast, Narellan, North Richmond, Springwood, and Wagga Wagga. In 2017, the program will extend to groups in Alstonville, Baulkham Hills, Gymea, Newcastle, Padstow and Tuggeranong (ACT). While the program continues to grow significantly, it’s the individual reflections of impact that continues to drive Ross’s passion for growth. “I had one course participant email me and say, “Ross, this has changed my life.” Her comment was, ‘I am seeing what (the program) is doing for people who are lonely, or have emotional issues, and my being there,
listening and caring is changing them, and giving me a whole lot of fulfilment in my life’.” says Ross. This experience is not unique. Program participant Bruce James from Wagga Wagga says this pastoral care program is about broadening the understanding of what it is to do life. “It’s smashing our limited experience and blinkered vision of our community and the folk who give us the amazing privilege of permitting us to invade their time and space,” says Bruce. George Lawson, a pastoral care volunteer from Taree, agrees the experience has changed his perspective also. "From a care point of view, it has helped me increase my depth of empathy towards elderly people in care. It’s something I can take into my every day, it helps me think past the background, past the person that I am looking at.”
If you have a heart for the people in your community, and want to learn practical skills in providing emotional and spiritual support visit our volunteering page or contact Ross Wakeley on 0417 002 541.
Press play to see more of this program
RABBIT AND JULIE GOODWIN
UNVEIL NEW LOOK ORANA CENTRE BaptistCare Orana Centre will celebrate its stunning new look with a fun-filled Open Day in late November. Special guests Rabbit and Julie Goodwin will feature in a live broadcast from Star 104.5FM
on the day, marking the completion of a $23 million, two year redevelopment project which has transformed the Central Coast aged care centre. BaptistCare Orana Centre Residential Manager, Lara McIntyre said the local community will be treated to a great day out featuring live music, food, prizes and family entertainment. “We are thrilled to be hosting the live Star 104.5FM broadcast and giving our residents and guests the chance to listen to some great music while seeing Rabbit and Julie Goodwin in action,” she said. Local music star, Troy Henderson, will entertain guests and kids will enjoy classic family entertainment including a jumping castle, petting zoo, face painting, fairy floss and snow cones. Ms McIntyre said the Open Day offers the centre an
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opportunity to give back to the community and thank them for their support, not only throughout the redevelopment project, but also for their loyalty over the past 35 years. “BaptistCare Orana Centre has been part of the local community since 1981. Our GPs have been coming here since we opened – this continuity of service is quote extraordinary and one of the many special things that sets Orana apart from other facilities,” she said. BaptistCare Orana Centre offers 116 contemporary rooms and premium features including a new coffee shop, hair salon, wellness centre and state of the art kitchen for cooking fresh on-site. For more information or to book a tour of BaptistCare Orana Centre, please call (02) 4337 5400.
FIRST ANGEL LAUNCHED TO REBUILD LIVES The first Tara’s Angel donned her halo and spread her wings as a counsellor, mentor, guide, trusted friend and a rebuilder of lives on 1 November in Canberra. The new Tara’s Angel caseworker, a service of the Tara Costigan Foundation (TCF) operating in partnership with BaptistCare, will help survivors of domestic violence to rebuild their lives. A qualified social worker, the Angel will help people who have experienced family and domestic violence by providing free personalised case management support for up to two years. Working with survivors after the post-crisis care period, the Angel will deliver a valuable support system that helps people who have suffered years of abuse to build self-esteem, a strong mind and independence, while also assisting in areas such as improving economic literacy, securing employment and housing support. The Angel will also connect women with other support services that already exist.
Tara Costigan “We know that people who have experienced domestic and family violence Press play to have had almost all of their hear from our confidence eroded. They are DV specialists more than capable, but they Tara need someone they can trust Costigan as they rebuild the person they was a once were, or become someone valued employee of BaptistCare, new. The Tara’s Angel will be a and a vivacious, much-loved practical guardian angel, helping mother of three, before she was clients to navigate, connect with brutally murdered by her former and coordinate vital services,” partner in February 2015. said Michael Costigan, Chief Since her murder, the Tara Executive Officer of TCF. Costigan Foundation has made Tibor Mokany, Group Operations it their mission to honour the Manager at BaptistCare, knows memory of Tara, and all victims BaptistCare is well placed to of family violence, with their deliver this service. tireless work to defeat family and domestic violence through “As a frontline provider of awareness and education community services, every day campaigns, lobbying and BaptistCare sees the challenges advocacy work, and hosting and dangers people face when Australia’s first National Family escaping domestic and family Violence Summit in March 2016, violence,” said Tibor. also supported by BaptistCare. “These people are incredibly In addition to delivering the brave and may be in need of a Tara’s Angel service in Canberra range of services from physical and surrounding districts, treatment and counselling, to BaptistCare has supported housing and financial support, to women, children and men ensuring the bills are paid. We impacted by family and domestic support TCF wholeheartedly in violence for over 30 years. We their mission to end domestic provide women and children and family violence and help with counselling and support these people rebuild their lives. groups, crisis and medium We are delighted to be providing term accommodation support, the first Tara’s Angel for the microfinance loans and behaviour program in Canberra,” he said. change programs for men. www.baptistcare.org.au | TRUST Summer 2016
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VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITIES Mini-Bus Drivers
Companions and Transport Companions
Like driving and chatting? Opportunities exist for you to support and encourage BaptistCare residents and clients through becoming a volunteer mini-bus driver. This could be for a short shopping trip and/or a day long outing. A valid driver’s licence and smile are essential and some sites may require an LR class licence.
Do you like meeting and talking with people? We can introduce you to people who would value a friendly chat. Our Aged Care Centres, Villages and Community Centres require more volunteer companions. Some of our Home Services clients need assistance in getting to medical appointments, their local shops or a local social event.
Opportunities currently exist at: • Baulkham Hills – BaptistCare Aminya Centre & Village
Opportunities currently exist at:
• Griffith, ACT – BaptistCare Griffith
• Red Hill ACT – BaptistCare Carey Gardens Centre & Social Club
• Alstonville – BaptistCare Maranoa Centre
• Forster – BaptistCare Kularoo Centre
• Springwood – BaptistCare Wingara Hamlet
• Newcastle – BaptistCare Warabroook Centre & Home Services, various locations
• Macquarie Park - BaptistCare Cooinda Centre
• Wallsend – BaptistCare Community Centre
- BaptistCare Shalom Centre
• Wagga Wagga – BaptistCare Caloola Centre
- BaptistCare Home Services, various locations
• Cumberland area – BaptistCare Home Services, various locations
- BaptistCare Willandra Village
• Willoughby – BaptistCare Social Club • Dubbo – BaptistCare Home Services, various locations • Macquarie Park – BaptistCare Willandra Village
To find out more about these opportunities please call Vicki on 9023 2734 or email volunteering@ baptistcare.org.au
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NEW COMMUNITY HOUSING OPEN FOR SENIORS
Press play to hear more about our commitment to community housing
The need for low-cost housing for seniors in the Northern Rivers was under the spotlight in November with the official opening of BaptistCare’s new community housing development in Lismore. Member for Page, Mr Kevin Hogan MP, joined the Mayor of Lismore City Council, Councillor Isaac Smith, for the opening and ribbon cutting at BaptistCare Garimaleh Place. BaptistCare General Manager, Housing & Retirement Living, Mike Furner, said the development signifies BaptistCare’s continued commitment to providing vital housing for older Australians who cannot afford private rental accommodation or who are at risk of homelessness. “BaptistCare has been providing housing for people who have experienced housing distress since 1953,” he said. “We believe that all seniors should have access to secure and safe housing as they age, alongside access to additional support and care services as required, such as home help, personal care, transport and access to No Interest Loans (NILs).”
“Garimaleh Place is our second community housing location in Lismore - the other being Illowra Place, just over the road on Dalziell Street – bringing the total number of units to 46, providing housing for 55 local seniors.” BaptistCare’s newest community housing development comprises 20 single level units, featuring quality designed housing that maximises accessibility, environmental sustainability, while allowing for flexibility and adaptability to meet a tenant’s changing needs. One tenant, Steven, shared his story with guests at the official opening, describing how much brighter his life is looking after moving into his one-bedroom apartment at Garimaleh Place.
“Since being at Garimaleh Place, it is fantastic. I am by myself, surrounded by older people so there’s no mucking around… It’s quiet. This place is lovely.” BaptistCare is a Tier 2 Community Housing Provider under the National Regulatory System. The development has received funding assistance under the National Rental Affordability Scheme (NRAS), through the NSW and Federal Governments. BaptistCare operates home support services, a retirement village, a residential aged care facility, and a number of community services for individuals and families experiencing disadvantage in the Northern Rivers Region.
“I’ve been homeless for over five years. I ended up tumbling through refuges… it wasn’t a very good environment to live in,” he said.
L to R; Kylie Bullow, Kevin Hogan MP, Cr Isaac Smith & Mike Furner www.baptistcare.org.au | TRUST Summer 2016
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AN APTITUDE FOR GRATITUDE Shankerlal Trivedi’s happy and positive demeanour remains the cornerstone of the Trivedi family, even at 104 years of age. With four generations living under the same roof, the tight-knit family is grateful to be able to live together, and thanks to the level 4 care package that BaptistCare delivers, Mr Trivedi continues to be a blessing in their daily lives. Celebrating his 105th birthday on the 28th December, Mr Trivedi attributes his wellbeing to the presence of love and ongoing care. “It’s the love of my family and friends, and the care and support of the BaptistCare staff that keeps me going,” says Mr Trivedi.
An aptitude for gratitude, healthy appetite for social occasions and a positive outlook seem to be key ingredients to Mr Trivedi’s long life and good health. “Mr Trivedi is in very good health,” says BaptistCare Care Facilitator, Anne Wooden RN, who helps the family to plan and arrange the care delivery. Mr Trivedi has been assisted by
BaptistCare Home Services for nearly three years, progressing to a level 4 earlier this year. “The care package consists of three services a day, five days a week. By assisting Mr Trivedi to walk during the services and applying massage to his legs, we enable him to mobilise with his frame under just supervision.” Son, Jagdish, says his father, who he refers to as Babuji (a term for respected father) keeps very well. “As a whole, BaptistCare is doing the most extraordinary service to humanity, I am very impressed. And I am very grateful for them looking after my father.” “Different people come at different times to
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support with general care, “All the individual care workers including taking him for showers, who come to help are very cleaning his bed and room. They attached to my father,” says support him in exercise, getting Jagdish. “They are all humans him up and walking around the with great empathy and house. The doctor says sympathy. They serve the more he walks him with a great the healthier enthusiasm, he will be. He which is very "With the care makes ten rare. I know it that BaptistCare rounds inside is their job, the house but they gives, Babuji is not a himself do that job burden at all... He is a every day.” in such a blessing, not a burden, happy and “With the thoughtful care that or a responsibility" way. It’s very BaptistCare impressive.” gives, Babuji is not a burden at all. We have four generations living in our house including my father, myself, my son and my grand daughter. He keeps us all cheerful. He is a blessing, not a burden, or a responsibility.” “We don’t need for him to go to a nursing home, of course that would be different without the support of BaptistCare. We have a strong family attachment.”
The impending celebrations will be a much smaller version of Mr Trivedi’s 100th birthday, which saw nearly 500 people gather at Bowman Hall in Blacktown. “We had dance, music, singing, everything,” says Jagdish. “We are not planning that big of a party this time, but there will be celebrations at home with the family.” Jagdish says his father is a very determined person. “He wants to live longer and he enjoys the environment. He loves the family, he loves the extended family.
“Babuji actually cheers up the situation, BaptistCare workers come and they will be so happy to be with him, there is a lot of laughter, that is his style. He is very positive.”
Mr Trivedi will turn 105 in December
www.baptistcare.org.au | TRUST Winter 2016
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HOPE
“THE HOPES AND FEARS OF ALL THE YEARS ARE MET IN THEE TONIGHT” Oh Little Town of Bethlehem Phillips Brooks, 1867
Many people feel hopeless at Christmas. Hopeless because they will spend the holiday time alone. Hopeless because they are too sick to enjoy the festivities. Hopeless because they cannot provide a special time for their children. Some children will wake up on Christmas morning in a strange home in an unfamiliar bed. Knowing that in a few, short weeks they will be going to a new school and have to make new friends. Christmas is a tough time of year for women and children escaping domestic and family violence. Imagine fearing for your life with nowhere to go; no home, no money, no one to turn to. You’re a mother of five children, two of the youngest are carefully tucked
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into borrowed booster seats in the back seat of the car. Only a few of your worldly possessions are stashed in the boot. This situation is the very real result of a powerful and brave decision – to leave your oppressor – to fight for a life beyond fear, control and aggression. In leaving you have chosen to protect your children and yourself, and lose everything else. When Susan* first married her husband, she had no idea she would be making this difficult and desperate decision 16 years later. “In the beginning, he was charming. I was a divorcee with two children, it was nice to have his attention,” says Susan. As the years went by his vicious, controlling behaviour became more prevalent. “There should have been warning signs but I didn’t know them. After my son was born, his first child, it escalated.” The violence went beyond physical and emotional abuse. It suffocated every part of Susan’s existence. “He had all
the finances. I had to work in his business, keep the house pristine, do the lawns, maintain the pool, and take care of all the children, even when pregnant,” says Susan. “If the socks weren’t in the drawer at the right time and things weren’t clean, he punished me. ‘You haven’t got the socks, you haven’t done what you were supposed to do today, you don’t get the money to feed the children.’” Susan’s husband alienated her from her family, ensuring she had nowhere to turn. “He assaulted my mother and my brothers. I didn’t know. He told me lies about my family, which led me to believe that they wanted nothing to do with me. They lived close by and he didn’t want them coming around.” Like so many women who face domestic violence, it took Susan quite a few attempts to leave. One night Susan’s four-year-old daughter stepped in front of her as her husband advanced, saying “You got to leave Mummy alone”. The police came that night, as they had come many nights before. The police helped Susan leave the next morning and take the little ones with her.
“While the police were talking to me, my husband was taking the car seats out of the car, hiding the keys, doing everything to prevent me from leaving. The next morning, he took the kids to school and daycare himself.” “I found the car keys, borrowed car seats, picked up the kids, and I was stranded. To come into a situation where you have little children in a car, and you have no money and no one…it’s scary. I feared he would come after me,” says Susan. Family acquaintances took Susan and her youngest children in for two days while the police helped her find somewhere more permanent. The BaptistCare Crisis Housing team called and offered Susan an immediate, safe location in supported housing. When Susan walked into the house, there were toys for the children, the beds were made, there was food on the table, and the fridge was full. “I am so grateful for BaptistCare. They took care of me and my children. Beyond the immediate
refuge, BaptistCare provides counselling, they get you to stand on your own feet, they help with the finances if you need it, and they give you access to a no interest loan,” says Susan. “I didn’t take the loan as I felt someone might need it more than I did.” Five years later and Susan is still rebuilding what domestic violence damaged. “It has really affected my daughter. She has been in counselling for the last five years. She’s ten now. I myself was in counselling for a year. It taught me what to look for in domestic violence, the warning signs and how to walk away. I also learned about myself, how to be more outgoing, and get myself back.” “After the separation, I retrained in something I am passionate about. I now work with people with disabilities, nine days a fortnight, during school hours.” Susan now lives with hope.
But there are many other women and children in similar circumstances. Last year BaptistCare assisted an increasing number of women and children fleeing domestic and family violence. To help end the cycle of abuse a ‘whole of family’ approach is used. Support is provided to families through counselling, men’s behaviour change programs, crisis and long term accommodation for women and children as well as no-interest loans. These services are delivered through our BaptistCare centres that mould their services to suit the needs of local communities and clients. You can help BaptistCare continue to provide hope to people like Susan. Please use the envelope provided and send your donation today. You can also donate online at baptistcare.org.au or call us on 9023 2500. *not her real name
www.baptistcare.org.au | TRUST Autumn 2016
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