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How to have an effective conversation with your children
Eddie, Ralph, David & Jack Sitt Edition
How to start a conversation with your teen and have him open up to you. How to inspire your child to make the right choice even when you are not around.
How to know your child’s logical reasons and motives for his behavior.
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LOGICAL PARENTING CONTENT: Think before you act Sof Maase Bemachshava Tehila p. 24
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Giving without expecting a reward p. 30
Connect to kids and be patient with them p. 34
MEANINGFUL BAR/BAT MITZVAH: Remember the less fortunate on your happy occasion p. 54
GOOD MANNERS CALENDAR: Midot Chart for 1st through 3rd grades p. 29
The classroom is a g ym for the brain p. 42
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Logical Parenting Introduction You are successful with your children when they fulfill their responsibility because they understand what is the right thing to do. But, if they fulfill their responsibility because they are afraid of you, this is going to last only when you are around. But as soon as you are not around, they are going to act differently.
How to make your child realize on his own what are the right choices to make? try to figure out what the logi-
When someone called from France,
cal reasons and motives are for
it played French songs. This helped
his behavior. Vote on the sto-
them increase their business be-
ries together with your child.
cause the customers felt comfort-
It will give you a better under-
able. The same is true with chil-
standing of what his interests are.
dren. When you take your time and
You cannot apply your own com-
Make your teen
read them stories, that kids their
mon sense reasoning to his. For ex-
comfortable with you
What is his logical reasoning: When you want your child to give up his fun and do what’s right, you have to give him logical reasons why it will be worth it to for him, to give up the fun.
them
that
ample, you want to convince your
Show
child not to eat junk. You tell him
about
it’s not healthy. This may be a good
There is a story about a company
reason for you to watch what you
in the US that did business inter-
their
you
age write, it makes them comfortcare
interests.
eat, but not for him. But, if you tell
able and they will open up to you.
Have a good influence on your teen: When
inspirational
messages
come from kids he knows, it will
him it could affect his appearance
have a stronger impact on him.
or it could help him be a better athlete, this reason is talking to him
The Gemara says: Imag-
Figure out your child:
ine that 48 of our prophets:
Before you try to influence your child,
Moshe, David, Shmuel, Eli-
it’s important to relate to his world
yahu, etc., came and delivered
and understand his perspective.
inspirational messages to you
Engage your child in conversa-
or you realized on your own
tion about the behavior that you
what’s the right thing to do.
want your teen to improve and lis-
What’s more effective? When
ten carefully to what he has to say.
you realize on your own
Here we are giving you ideas to open up a conversation with your teen.
nationally. When a customer called
what’s the right thing to do,
When you read the stories with your
from Japan the answer machine au-
it makes a stronger impres-
child, listen to his comments and
tomatically played Japanese songs.
sion. (Masechet Megilah 14:)
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
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Think before you act Sof Maase Bemachshava Techila Think about the outcome of your actions before you do them. Don’t do something now that you may regret later. The following are examples of situations that were sweet for the moment but in the long run made someone pay a price for his actions.
I had gym today and I forgot my sneakers. I was already going to my car to leave. My mom says, “Come get your sneakers.” And I ignored her. Then,
Josh Sach – Ramaz
Sarah Sitt – Magen David
You text in class. You know you can
You and your best friend always make
get in trou-
Marc Esses - Magen David
when I went to the gym that day, I got jokes about each other. Sometimes they are mean jokes and you get used
ble but you
to them but you end up being mean
do it anyway.
to her. She gets mad at you and in
detention because I didn’t have sneakers for gym. I got detention because I was too lazy to go back to my house to get my sneakers and I paid the price.
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
the end, you don’t have your best Vote: 1 2 3 4 5 Douglas Mishan - Yeshiva of Flatbush
friend there for you when you need her.
Vote: 1
2
3
4
5
Joyce Harary – Ramaz If students get lazy in their studies when they are young, when they
When you’re in school and you say to
Jennifer Kredi – Magen David
yourself, “It’s only one grade. I don’t
You buy a pair of expensive shoes and
attention/doing homework because
have to study.” You failed the test. Af-
you tell your
they won’t understand it as adults.
ter you fail you keep on telling yourself,
mother that
Vote: 1
“It doesn’t matter, I am only in elemen-
you are going
tary school this won’t matter for any-
to wear them.
thing.” When you’re in high school you
For that mo-
won’t understand anything the teacher
ment,
says. You won’t get into a college. Just
feel
you excited
are older they will regret not paying
2
3
4
5
Isaac Bijou - Magen David When somebody buys a new car, new house, and all the new things that cost a lot and are expensive, that is good for the moment. But, later on, you
because of one grade can lead up to
to get a pair of shoes. In the long run,
everything.
you don’t wear them and you wast-
won’t have
ed money.
enough
Vote: 1 2 3 4
5
Cory Shoshany - Ramaz
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
If you talk to your friend in class, you
L OGICALPARENTING . COM
might think it’s it very important at
A DD YOUR ESSAY.
the time but in the long run, you will
T HE BEST ONES WILL BE PUBLISHED IN THE NEXT ISSUE . A ND YOU WILL RECEIVE A GREAT PRIZE .
do worse on a test because of what you missed. 24
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
money buy
to any-
thing
be-
cause
you
used it already. Vote: 1 2 3 4 5 BMmagazine.com
Top Essays
selected from thousands submitted. See LogicalParenting . com
Rivi Saad – Magen David
Abie Chabbott – Magen David
Jack Braha – Magen David
My mom gave me money to buy new
If you had a chance to make fun of
One night a boy names David de-
earrings. In
your friend when you have a really
cided that instead of studying and
the
store
good joke about him, would you do
knowing the test he will cheat off his
there
were
it? It’s a tough decision you have to
friend Michael. The next day David
very
pretty,
make. Your friends will laugh, but you
cheated off from his friend success-
but
cheap
will be hurting that person’s feelings.
fully. But what he did not realize
earrings.
In the future, people can think that
is that a few months later he had a
There were also very expensive ear-
you are a bad person and you will lose
Chumash assessment and when he
rings with real diamonds that were
friends. Then, you will realize that you
tried to cheat he got caught. He was
pretty, too. So, your first instinct
made a bad mistake and you will have
suspended and also his friend who he
would be to buy the expensive ones
to pay the price. The nice decision is
tried to cheat off was suspended as
and who cares if it’s expensive. My
always the best. Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
well.
mom let me buy any earrings that I
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
Daniella Babaee – Yeshiva of Flatbush
Aidan Hadad – Ramaz
My parents went to a wedding until
You don’t decide to listen or take
midnight. I
notes during class but when you fail
had 2 tests
your next test you wish you would
both pretty. So, you would get the
the
next
have listened.
cheap ones.
day,
Chu-
Racheli Weiss – Yeshiva of Flatbush
and
When you cross the street, your mom
social stud-
says to cross at the light, and you don’t.
want. Though, you must see the second decision that it’s not nice to spend so much money and they are Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
mash
Benjamin Savdie -Magen David Let’s say, you do something very bad at school and everyone thinks you’re so cool at that moment. Then, the principal calls up your mom and tells her what you did. Then, your
ies. I studied about 10 minutes for each and then was on the phone with my friend the
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
You say you’ll look both ways and you do, but the car doesn’t see you. You think it’s fine.
rest of the night. The next day I got
The
a 74 on my Chumash test and a 70
next
minute you’re
mom grounds you and says you can’t
on my social studies test. I was re-
go anywhere. You can’t play basket-
ally upset and realized I should have
ball. You can’t hang out with your
studied more instead being on the
friends or do anything. Those are
phone all night and now my mom has
shalom. Al-
an example for something sweet
to sign my test, and she will be upset.
ways cross at
and then sour. Vote: 1
Vote: 1
2
3
4
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
5
2
3
4
5
in a car accident, has ve
the light.
Vote: 1
2
3
4
5
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25
Think before you act Sof Maase Bemachshava Techila Rachel Singer - Yeshiva of Flatbush
Frieda Esses - Magen David
Grace Jammal - Magen David
You plan a party. Then your teacher
I had to do a book report for Mon-
Let’s say your mom wants to take you
says that you
day. I had a whole week to do it, and
to a tutoring program but you have
have a test
I didn’t care. But, a day before I had
different plans to go out with your
the day af-
to submit it I started working on it.
friends. What would you do? It’s a big
ter the party.
I didn’t finish my report and I did
decision for me. If I go to a tutoring
You
could
very badly. It was fun not having to
program, I might succeed in school
still
change
do homework but I failed and I paid
and do better in my failing subject.
the date of your party, but you
the price.
Vote: 1
2
3
4
5
won’t gain anything. Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
don’t. Then you have the party. The
Morhans Manian - Ramaz
next day you take the test and you
When my mom rewarded me by tak-
fail.
But, if I go out with my friends, I
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5 Evona Said - Magen David
There were 2 best friends. One of
ing me to
Going out to the bathroom because
Blooming-
you want to get out of class is fun for
dales
the moment but, later on, when you
the
them named Tammy and the other
for whole
day I didn’t
Jen. They went to recess and saw
David Peretz -Magen David
really need to go, the teacher won’t let you.
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
some of their other friends. Tammy
tell her I
started saying to look how weird a
had a huge test the next day. So while
Eli Amazallay - Ramaz
girl names Tiffany is. What Tam-
I bought 3 pairs of gladiators and
You have an essay that you have to
my didn’t know is that all her oth-
the latest trends, I got a 50% on my
do and you get
er friends are friends with Tiffany.
test.
it three weeks
When she started talking she didn’t say, “Tiffany.” When she just said, “Look at her.” Soon she said, “It’s Tiffany.” So she thought it was fun
Vote: 1
2
3
4
5
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ My
parents
went
out
Sunday
night. And I stayed up late till
before it is due. You
decided
not to do it and you play Xbox
for a moment. But it ended up back-
2am playing and having fun. The
firing on her. It ended up backfiring
next day, I had a final and I could
ready to write the essay the day of
because they aren’t Tammy’s friends
not focus because I was tired. So I
the essay is due, you forget to do it
anymore.
failed the test. Vote: 1
and you fail. Vote: 1
26
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
2
3
4
5
the whole time. When you are
2
3
4
5
BMmagazine.com
Top Essays
selected from thousands submitted. See LogicalParenting . com
Ayliana Teitelbaum - Yeshiva of Flatbush
Roberta Saban – Yeshiva of Flatbush
Hannah Portes - Ramaz
My sister was building a snowman and
Let’s say you tell someone about
You find out a history test a week
knocked
someone and you think she is not
before and have no school that
it down. A
going to tell anyone, but she does.
few
weeks
Then it gets passed on to the whole
later I needed
grade. And she is embarrassed. It feels
I
her to help me with my project and she said, “No way”. I asked her why she said, “Remem-
2
3
4
5
ful and you would have liked to do
want to be your friend and doesn’t
better.
trust you.
Vote: 1
2
3
4
5
ball game. I
funny for the kid you bullied. People
went on vacation and I felt terrible
and
for two weeks, instead of being sorry
because
When you are mean to someone be-
fail
something.
Vote: 1 2 3 4
5
If someone tried to run a red light,
tant.
what
was
more
Vote: 1
2
impor3
4
they
5
When you get a job and then you say
they will leave you and no one else
it’s very hard and you can’t do it and
will like you because you were mean
you give up. Then, later on in life, you
to everyone.
regret not trying and giving up because
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
of someone. So think before you do
doing
have a lot of friends. In the future,
and add your insights
someone in the back, just making fun
Sophia Chabot -Yeshiva of Flatbush
Joy Harari – Magen David
Log on LogicalParenting.com
will be scared of you. It’s like stabbing
I went to the game instead of
cause you think you’re cool and you
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
Tanya Kbabia - Magen David
that just to get attention, but its not
for the test
Nina Haber – Magen David
5
basket-
cause I was mad. The next day, he
5
4
ly someone. You feel cool and you do
a
4
3
I have a test coming up but I also have
don’t study
3
2
It’s fun for the moment when you bul-
I didn’t want to say sorry to him be-
2
Vote: 1
Sivan Aharon - Ramaz
My friend and I got in to a fight and
Vote: 1
the test. You do ok on the test but
tens to you then your friend doesn’t
Daneil Dellal – Ramaz
for one day.
all your studying in 2 days before studying so much was very stress-
told myself next time I should think Vote: 1
ing and relax and have to cram
good to let it out and everyone lis-
ber the snowman.” I remembered and
before I act.
Wednesday. Instead you do noth-
might
make it. But, they
also
might
kill
themselves. I think that
then you have no job and it’s hard to
they should just wait for the green
get one.
light to be safe.
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
BMmagazine.com
27
Think before you act Sof Maase Bemachshava Techila Ashley Miller - Yeshiva of Flatbush You’re in school and a really ‘popular’ girl comes up and invites you to go to a party. However, you promised to go with your best friends. Stop! Think. If you go to the party you may end up with no friends in the future. The right thing to do is to say: “No, thanks,” and stay with your friends. You won’t regret it.
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
Aida Franco - Yeshiva of Flatbush You and your mom were supposed to go out together. The day before your best friend asked you if you wanted to come over. You didn’t go with your mom but instead you went over to your friend. Your mom is upset but doesn’t show it so you think it’s ok. You don’t have fun at your friend’s house and you regret not going with your mom. This shows to always think carefully before you do something and to think about a person’s feelings.
Vote: 1 2 3 4
5
Ginette Laboz – Magen David When you tell your friend that you don’t want to hang out with her anymore and, later on, when you need somebody to stay with, she is not there. 28
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
Rachel Isayev - Yeshiva of Flatbush
Your mom punishes both you
Sometimes when your brother is being
and your brother. If you would’ve
mean and annoying, you get annoyed.
thought
You go straight to your mom without
your mom, you won’t have been
trying to solve the problem yourself.
punished.
before
you
Vote: 1
2
went
3
4
to
5
BMmagazine.com
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
BMmagazine.com 29
Not Talking BaAk Saying “Please” TWio Parents and “T hank you”
Getting along with siblings
Saying the blessings
Helping around the house
Not answering back to your parents
Name (Girl): ____________________ Grade: _____ Parent’s Signature: _________________________
Name (Boy): ______________________ Tel: ____________ School: _______________________________
Fill In Date
This is for First, Second and Third Grades Only • After receiving it in school, you have a week to s u b m i t i t • Yo u r c h i l d s h o u l d s u b m i t i t t o h i s t e a c h e r • T h e e n t i r e b o o k l e t h a s t o b e s u b m i t t e d b a c k • DO NOT tear this page • From the list below select any “Good Manner” that your child did. Yo u c a n c h o o s e m o r e t h a n o n e . There will be 2 winners from each class
Good Manners Contest — Win Great Prizes!
Giving without expecting a reward The Mishna says: “Al tehiyu keavadim hameshamshim et harav al menat lekabel pras” (Masechet Avot 1;3) Meaning: “Don’t do a Mitzvah in order to get a reward.” For example, if your mom asks for help, don’t say, “Mom, what am I getting for helping?” You have to train yourself to do a mitzvah without a personal benefit. What’s your motive for doing a good deed? To impress people or to help others? The easy way to accomplish a mitzvah without personal benefit (leshma) is to do it anonymously. The following are examples of people who did a favor for people whom they will never see again or for people who will never know about it. Sabrina Abrahim – Magen David
Rochelle Tawil – Magen David
Daniel Cohen-Saban – Shaare Torah
If there is a girl in your class who is
You were on a highway and you see
My mom picked me up from school.
poor
and
her birthday is
coming
someone in
An
a car that is
after
I
waiting
came
back
to
turn into the
soon, make
hour
home from
lane. But, all
school,
it
it a birthday
the
for her to
cars don’t let
remember. Get every person in your
that person go. Eventhough you will
class to give money (about $10-$20)
probably never see that person again,
store and he passed by the school.
you should wait thirty seconds to let
I saw that my friend did not have a
that person go. It won’t hurt you; it will
ride home. I called a taxi to pick him
be a benefit for you because you will
up and I paid. When the taxi got to
get a mitzvah. Vote:
him, he was very happy. He didn’t
and buy her a digital camera, jewelry or anything else she likes. You can also bring in some snacks from your
other
1 2 3 4 5
house and celebrate her birthday. Give your friend the time of her life and help her celebrate her birthday. With only a little bit of money from
Frieda Kassab – Magen David
was around 6pm. My brother drove me to the
know who called it for him. He was so happy.
One day we were on a bus, with the school, on a trip. And the girls made
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
Menachem Koshanfar - Shaare Torah
the bus dirty and it was filthy. One
It was recess time and I walked
of the girls went around the bus.
in the class and saw that someone
and do a mitzvah. But, make sure she
She cleaned up the whole bus. No
threw my friend’s stuff all over the
doesn’t know who organized the par-
one knew it was her who cleaned
floor. I picked it up and then I went
ty for her.
up the bus.
to recess.
each girl, you can make a difference
30
Vote:
1 2 3 4 5
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
Vote:
1 2 3 4 5
Vote:
1 2 3 4 5
BMmagazine.com
Top Essays
selected from thousands submitted. See LogicalParenting . com
Jack Adjmi - Shaare Torah
Joseph Levy - Shaare Torah
Sara Srour – Magen David
When people finished praying in
One day, I was driving in the car with
One day, your friend forgets to put
shul, they put the Siddurim on the
my dad and I saw a lady walking. We
up her chair on her desk after school.
table. When the Tefilah was
And the teacher gives extra
finished, I went back 5 minutes
homework to whoever doesn’t
after everyone left and cleaned
put up their chair. You could put
up the garbage and all the Sid-
up her chair for her. Later, your
durim. No one saw me, but I got
friend remembered that she forgot to put up her chair. So, she
a Mitzvah. And, usually, I don’t
goes back to class to put up her
go to this shul, but I still helped
chair and saw that her chair was
to clean it. Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
put up and was so relieved and Amy Yedid - Magen David
happy that her chair was put up
Every day, a new girl named Re-
and that she didn’t have extra
nee gets picked on by a couple of
homework. Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
girls in her class. Jennifer didn’t
Yael Shoushan - Magen David
like this. One day, after class, Jen-
One day, a man and his family
nifer went up to those girls and
went on the train to go to the
said to them, “Can you please
city. They just got on the train.
stop bothering Renee? It’s very
At the next stop, a pregnant lady
mean and it’s very disturbing to
came on the train. The train was
watch, so please stop.” From then
packed and there were no seats
on, they never bothered Renee
left on the train. So, the man got
again. Vote:
up and gave his seat to the lady
1
2
3
4
5
Fatima Sharaby - Magen David My friend went to the nurse and it was time for the next class. I took her stuff to the other classroom without her knowing.
Vote:
1 2 3 4 5
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
asked her if she wanted a lift and she
eventhough he had a long way left on the train. Vote:
1
2
3
4
5
said, “Yes.” We took her to the place she wanted to go and then we went where
Log on LogicalParenting.com
we wanted to go. Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
and add your insights BMmagazine.com
31
Giving without expecting a reward Judi Yazdi - Magen David
Rami Saban - Shaare Torah
My family and I went shopping and
supermar-
On one cold winter day, snow was
it was raining
ket and he saw a lady’s grocer-
all over the
very hard. My
ies fall on the floor. He helped her
ground.
I
noticed
my
family
had
three
um-
brellas. So, I
Henry
near me my umbrella and I don’t even know her. If you are going somewhere and you
went
to
a
pick them up and brought them to her car.
snow with a
parking meter that did not have any more minutes. The policeman was right there. I was looking
parking then the other person asked
in my pocket
you if you are pulling out and you
and I found
see that he is rushing. Give him the
a quarter. So,
1 2 3 4 5
I took the Raymond Assis- Shaare Torah
quarter and
the street with his family. A woman dropped a $100 bill on the ground. Yakov didn’t know her at all. He picked up the money
and
ran over to her. He told her, “Excuse me, Ms. You dropped
your
money.” She
an-
walking in the
I was going to see my cousin. I saw a
are not in a rush, and you started
One day, Yakov was walking down
neighbor
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
Sophia Hara – Magen David
gave the girl
parking spot. Vote:
Jack Jrade – Shaare Torah
I put it into the meter and the man didn’t get a ticket. Vote: 1 2 3 4 5 Albert Banbahgi – Shaare Torah Leon doesn’t get Mishloach Manot
gold necklace on her neck. I knew that this necklace was very dear to her since it was a gift to her from her great-grandmother. She didn’t notice it fall off in the snow, but I did. When she walked away, I picked it up and put it on her doorstep. When she came back she said, “Baruch Hashem! I found my necklace! It’s a miracle!” She never found out that it was really me who found her gold necklace. Vote:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I was in the ice cream store. I saw a kid, who
from anyone. So, Shlomo put Mish-
don’t
loach Manot next to his house without Leon knowing. He was happy he did a mitzvah Leshem Shamayim.
Vote:
“So
much
1
2
3
4
1 2 3 4 5
I
know,
whose
ice
cream
fell
on the floor.
5
He was cry-
be
ing. I just bought mine and be-
swered, “Thank you.” and continued
done for the world if people
fore I started eating it I gave my ice
walking.
didn’t care about the credit”
cream to him. Vote:
32
Vote:
1
2
3
4
5
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
good
could
1 2 3 4 5
BMmagazine.com
Top Essays
selected from thousands submitted. See LogicalParenting . com
Gabrielle Cohen - Yeshiva of Flatbush
Eddie Mamiye - Magen David
Eddie Shamie - Shaare Torah
It was Simchat Torah and my shul
When my mom went to a wedding
I was by my friend’s house and his
gives out big candy bags. There was
with my dad at night, my mom told
a little boy who didn’t get one and I did. I asked him if he wanted it and he
neighbor kept throwing rocks over my friend’s fence. No one wanted to
my sister to put my little brother
end it. They kept on throwing rocks
said, “Its okay” and he
until my friend went in-
didn’t want it. So, lat-
side to get a drink. I took
er, I put the bag down
the rocks and hid them
and made pretend it
in the bag. When my
wasn’t anyone’s. He
friend got back, he asked
picked it up and didn’t
where the rocks were.
know it was mine.
I said, “The neighbor
Vote:
took them.” I felt great
1 2 3 4 5
for stopping the fight Jeanie Schrem
without getting thanked.
Magen David
It’s Leshem Shamayim.
I saw my brother’s
Vote:
1
2
3
4
5
room was very messy. Charles Sayegh Shaare Torah
He didn’t clean it up. He left it for the
housekeeper.
thought
it
Recently, there was a big
I
snowstorm.
wasn’t
The
next
fair to her. I cleaned
day, it was very hard
up his room so that
to walk in the snow. A
the
person came to ask if
housekeeper
wouldn’t have to. She already has a lot of work. So, I thought I would
asleep. My brother wasn’t listening to
we needed him to shovel our house for money. We said, “No.” But our
my sister so I put him to sleep. When
help her without telling anyone.
neighbors were away and we want-
my mom came home, she gave my
ed to shovel for them. So, we paid
Log on LogicalParenting.com
sister $20 and I didn’t tell my mom I
him to shovel our neighbor’s house.
and add your insights
put him to sleep. Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
Vote:
1
2
3
4
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
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When they came home, they were so happy. Vote:
1
2
3
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5
BMmagazine.com
33
Connect to kids and be patient with them A woman could be an expert in so many different fields. But to have the talent for raising children and handling them is the ultimate wisdom for a woman because this experience gives her better tools to raise her own children. When you are young and babysitting your siblings, cousins or others’ kids, take this opportunity to understand the child and learn more about how to handle challenging situations. This knowledge is priceless. If you get stuck with a difficult child, don’t avoid it. Ask your mom, your grandmother or read about it. You always want to increase your knowledge of how to raise them, how to understand them and how to connect better with them. And, most important, is how to be patient with them. The following are examples from babysitters who shared their experiences and tactics they use to raise kids better. Malka Fischer - Masores
Renee Shomer - Magen David
Danielle Mizahi - Yeshiva Flatbush
My brother got a mike that sings
I was studying for a social studies test
When your child asks you a question
and my little brother came in saying
about homework, that to you is easy
twelve different songs for Chanukkah. He wouldn’t stop
but to them it’s something totally new that my mom said to read him a book. I told him, “After I finish studying.”
sing-
He started to
and hard. You could either scream at them and say, “Oh my G-d. You are so annoying. I explained it to you already. This is so easy.” But the better choice is
ing with it at the top of his lungs. I asked him nicely to stop, saying, “Please stop,
cry. So, I told
to be patient, sit down and help them
him
understand it.
to
sit
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
Claudette Robinson – Yeshiva Flatbush
because I’m getting a headache.
down and I
May be you could do it in a differ-
read him my social studies notes and
ent room.” And what do you know,
used different names like Elmo, Bar-
buttons. So, I just went on the web-
ney. He then fell asleep and I was able to
site that she
it worked!
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
Elinor Babayof – Masores When my friends come over, my 2 year old sister is really annoying and follows me wherever I go. Instead of trying to run away from her, we play with her. 34
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
finish studying.
I was on the computer and my sister came and started pressing all the
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
L OGICALPARENTING . COM A DD YOUR ESSAY. T HE BEST ONES WILL BE PUBLISHED IN THE NEXT ISSUE . A ND YOU WILL RECEIVE A GREAT PRIZE .
likes
and
I
her
let
play
one
game
and
then
she
went away. Vote: 1
2
3
4
5
BMmagazine.com
Top Essays
selected from thousands submitted. See LogicalParenting . com
Raquel Levy - Magen David
Gabrielle Cohen - Yeshiva of Flatbush
Marilyn Sitt - Magen David
If your baby sister or brother wants
One time, I was at my friend’s house
Sometimes your siblings don’t like
a candy, you can say, “No,” and guide
and we were busy. Her baby sis-
to listen to you. They like to talk.
them to eat healthy and not give them
ter was very hyper. She was running
everything they want. Teach them
back and forth screaming that she
to be patient, and so he would be
wanted to play a tea party. Instead of
Like my sister likes to show me how she reads. So, I sit there and listen to her because I am proud of her.
healthy and not
When I help my sister with homework, I don’t
get in the habit of
eating
healthy
tell her the answers. I
un-
tell her how to do it.
things.
Vote: 1
If you see your little
4
5
Yeshiva of Flatbush
sibling
you
3
Lauren Kechek
When younger chil-
playing by himself,
2
dren try to interact
can
with you, they want show that you care
and
your
attention.
Yes,
play
kids can be annoy-
with him even
ing, loud and very ir-
though
ritating. When they
you’re
bother you, they just
on you’re com-
want someone to talk puter or talking to
your
doing
friend
yelling at her, we played a tea party but
anything
you’re
not
important.
You can get up and play with them.
Vote: 1
2
3
4
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
5
with her. We even pretended to eat
to. When kids annoy you, you should talk to them very nicely. Don’t get angry. Don’t scream
cookies.
Vote: 1
2
3
4
5
at them. That will just make them
Log on LogicalParenting.com
very upset and they will just get
and add your insights
more annoyed. Vote: 1 2 3 4 5 BMmagazine.com
35
Connect to kids and be patient with them I had to stay up a little lat-
Adina Vegh – Masores Last night, I was on the computer when
er
to
finish
my
homework.
Malky Elefant – Masores It was a bright sunny day about a
my
But it was worth it because that night,
quarter
little brother,
when I tucked Menachem into bed, he
5. I was on
Menachem,
fell asleep with a smile on his face. Be-
my way to a
sides, how can I refuse my cutie little
babysitting
came into the room
hold-
brother?
Vote: 1
2
3
4
job to watch
5
ing a game. “Adina,
do
three
you
train
block, I noticed that
He asked,
disturbing of
kids.
Walking down the
want to play “Guess who?”?
to
one of the kids I
my
was going to watch
thought.
was standing in the
“Menachem, I am
middle of the street.
busy. I have to fin-
I quickly ran and
ish my homework,”
grabbed him out of
I replied impatiently.
the way of an on-
“Please?” He begged.
coming car. He re-
I
sisted
turned
around
and
pulled
and saw the plead-
away from me but I
ing look on his face.
wouldn’t let him go.
“Please,
I took him back into
Adina?
Moshe and Akiva won’t play with me.” Ugh, a guilt trap. “Alright,” I said, because I felt bad for him. His brothers were making fun of him again. I sat down on the floor with him and we ended up playing “Guess Who” for like an hour.
36 Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
Malky Ashur- Masores
his house and explained to the 4 year
A kid makes a huge mess when you
old boy how dangerous that situation
are babysitting him. What do you do?
could be. I found that this was more
Scream? Timeout? No, you talk calm-
productive than just screaming at the
ly. Tell him to help you clean it up.
boy. Discipline and patience go hand
If a kid is jumping and making flips
in hand. Eventhough he kept run-
on the bed, ask him nicely, without
ning away, I still kept calm and never
screaming, to stop. Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
yelled at him.
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5 BMmagazine.com
Top Essays
selected from thousands submitted. See LogicalParenting . com
Rose Frewa - Magen David
Esti Katz - Masores
Faiga Adina Lefkowitz - Masores
When I baby-sit my sister, I always
When you start playing a game with
My parents were away and I was
play with her and help her out. When
your little sibling and you’re getting
babysitting for my two year old
she does not understand how to play a game, I teach her how to play and interact with her. When my sister does something wrong, I don’t yell at her.
bored but he is enjoying it. And although you would much rather go sit down with a book, you push
I explain to her why
brother. He was acting very cute and he wanted me to play with him. But, I was too busy to notice. I had to go to my friend’s house to pick something up. I had
it is wrong and make
two choices: one,
sure she does not do
to put him to sleep
it again. We have so
so I could do what
much fun together.
I needed to do or,
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
two, play with him. Tzipori Weinberger
I decided I would
Masores
take fifteen min-
I was wiped out as I
utes to play with
had just put 4 row-
him. Siblings
dy little boys to bed which is not an easy feat. Then the old-
telling him to just go back into bed,
yourself and stay a few more minutes. When you’ve played with him
I let him choose something to do to-
for a while already, then get him
gether for 15 minutes. He decided
occupied with something else and
that we should play football in the
important
than
friends. My
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
lot of energy, came asleep. I was frustrated. But, instead of
more
friend could wait.
est child, who had a out of bed to tell me he couldn’t fall
are
go read.
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
living room. After playing with him,
Chevy Friedman – Masores After finishing homework, my little brother decided to use it as his coloring book. Reaction A: Stop it! What are you doing?! I just finished my homework!!! (Screaming) Reaction
not only had I enjoyed it, he went to
Log on LogicalParenting.com
B: Breathe in, breathe out. Okay. It’ s
sleep nicely, too. Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
and add your insights
fine, I’ll copy it over. Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
BMmagazine.com
37
Connect to kids and be patient with them You should try to connect with
Yocheved Kakon - Masores
Little kids get so annoying. One time,
them and treat them like you would
My neighbor has a little kid who is
I was tutoring my little brother in
treat other people to make them
five. She is very annoying. Whenever
feel important. When they’re do-
I pass by her house she al-
Chloe Dweck – Magen David
math. No matter how long I was with him, he still wouldn’t
ways stops me and talks for
get it. If I asked him 2+2, he
like an hour. I always try to
answered 104. He just made
give her attention and make
up numbers. Then, he started
conversation. Her mother
taping pencils on his head as
sometimes asks me if I can
antennas and he started sing-
baby-sit her. It’s very an-
ing. He wouldn’t listen at all. I
noying because I have to sit
had no patience. So, I ran up-
and play baby games with
stairs and I got a box of mark-
her. She never listens and
ers and index cards. I wrote
everything goes her way,
all the math problems. At
but I always try to paste on
the end, he got it and he un-
a smile and talk to her and
derstood it very well. Some-
baby-sit her. Eventhough
times, you really need good
it’s hard, I try to always have
strategies. Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
the patience to deal with her nicely.
Eileen Sutton - Magen David
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
Shoshana Kohanghadosh
When I am babysitting my
Masores
little brother, I try to interact with him in a positive way. If you don’t have patience, then you can’t be a good mother. You want to
ing something wrong, you shouldn’t
I am usually babysitting my neigh-
be so quick to yell at them. Try to
bor and she is four and loves to play
be patient. This is key to being a
house. I don’t. I hate it and she gets
good mother. Vote: 1
very mad. So, I decided I’ll play with
2
3
4
set good examples so that the kids will learn how to treat their own
Log on LogicalParenting.com
friends. The kids also need attention.
and add your insights
38
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
5
her and make her happy. I know she really loves me and would play with what I want, too.
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5 BMmagazine.com
Top Essays
selected from thousands submitted. See LogicalParenting . com
Rachel Nussbaum - Yeshiva of Flatbush
Lorraine Shamie - Magen David
Gloria Terzi - Magen David
My little brother is 3 years old. I had
When I baby-sat, the kids would
Once, I was babysitting for some-
to baby-sit for him when my parents
not stop screaming and whining. It
one and the child was bothering
can get very annoying but you have
me. He was supposed to be in bed
to learn how to just play with them
but he kept on coming out and
and to have fun. I love when the kids
wanting to play. I had to finish my
are having fun because you see all
homework. I didn’t want to get
weren’t home. He was about to go to sleep so I gave him a bath and dressed him in his pajamas. He wanted milk, so I got him milk,
angry so I made a com-
and he wanted
promise that I will play with him for 15 min-
me to read him
utes and then he will stories, so I did.
go to asleep. It worked.
I thought he was
We played then he fell
sleeping but he
asleep. It was a good
wasn’t. I
way to solve my prob-
went
lem without getting up-
on my computer
set. Vote: 1 2 3 4 5 and he shut it Jenny Shaaya Magen David
off. But he was my
responsi-
One time, when I was
bility
and
tutoring my brother, he
parents
my
didn’t know how to do
trusted
math and I was getting
me so I played
their cute smiles and who they re-
very impatient. He didn’t know how
a board game with him. Then I told
ally are. Kids are very smart. If you
to do simple things and I wanted to
him to go to sleep. I learned that you
just sit down with them, you can see
scream at him. But, I felt bad be-
have to be a good example and he
it. So, don’t just get annoyed and give
cause he is a little boy and just has
up. Play with them and get to know
to learn. So, I taught him what he
them.
didn’t know and I didn’t scream at
is very young so you have to be patient with him. Vote: 1
2
3
4
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
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Vote: 1
2
3
4
5
him.
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5 BMmagazine.com
39
Connect to kids and be patient with them Esther Gindi – Magen David
Lauren Levy - Yeshiva of Flatbush
Florence Catton - Magen David
I have a baby sister. She is very cute…..
When your little brother or sister just
One time, when I babysat, I had to
But, every baby wakes up during the
woke up from a nap and is crying re-
learn to have a lot of patience. The kid
night and screams for their bottle. I
ally hard because he is cranky, don’t
kept on clicking the music button on
felt bad for my tired moth-
his toy. Whenever I told him
er. She just gave birth a few
to stop, he kept on doing it. I
months ago and was planning
started to get angry and I de-
a wedding and was very busy.
cided to take away the toy be-
So, instead of her waking up at
fore the kid came back to press
night, I slept in my sister’s room
it again. When the kid came
and, when she would wake up, I
back, I saw how he became sad
would get up and rock her. I fed
when he didn’t see the toy. Then
her the milk. This happened
I realized there was no point
everyday. One day, my mom
in getting impatient. I clicked
said, “Lately, Rebecca hasn’t
the button on the toy and I
been crying at night. It’s great.”
saw how he started smiling
I smiled and laughed. It was
and dancing along to the mu-
annoying waking up and al-
sic.
ways being tired. But, I learned
Gail Mosseri – Magen David
how to be a good mother and
When I baby-sit, I sometimes
gave my mom the sleep she needed. Vote: 1
2
3
4
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
have
5
to
baby-sit
annoying
children. When a child wants Dafna Stern – Masores
lose your temper. Stay calm. Ask him
something that he can’t have, he will
what’s wrong even if he starts throw-
start to complain. You are supposed
annoying me and saying, “Do you
ing a tantrum over nothing. Little
to have patience with this child and
know how many years a volcano
kids just need some space when this
erupts?” or something like that. I was
happens. Just wait until they are ready
in a big rush but I said that I didn’t
to talk. Or, if they are crying, comfort
know, and I still tried to act all inter-
them. Don’t scream or use bad words
This morning my little brother was
ested. 40
Vote: 1
2
3
4
5
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
because that will only get them more worked up.
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
not give in to him or her. The child sometimes just doesn’t get it. Being patient means listening to the child and really letting the child try to solve it.
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5 BMmagazine.com
Top Essays
selected from thousands submitted. See LogicalParenting . com
Margo Chabot – Magen David
Elisheva Schwart - Masores
Frances Mamiye – Magen David
When a child asks to go to the toy store
My mother spent half her day making
The kids look up to you so they want
and you say,
something
what you have. There was one time
for
Shab-
that I babysat my brother and I need-
bat.
Then
ed to also help him do his homework
brother
and he had a lot. I was trying to teach
with
him how to write his name in Hebrew.
“You can get a small toy.”
my
They will al-
came
ways
a
the
want bigger
thing. Then if you don’t
ball
and
threw it at the food which spilled on the floor.
It was 20 minutes later and he still couldn’t write his name. I wanted to give up but I was saying to myself, “Patience.”
buy a child what they
After an hour passed,
want then they will start
he finally got it and
to scream and cry. In order
that made me feel great
to teach your child in the
that I helped out my
right way, you shouldn’t
brother and that I ac-
buy your child the bigger
complished something.
toy because, then, they
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
will never learn. If a child
When I am on the
gets one toy, they might
phone with my friend,
say, “Oh I want another
my younger sister al-
toy.” And they will keep
ways picks up the other
saying it again and again.
phone and tries to talk to me. The funny part is
Therefore, you should buy
when I am not on the
the toy that won’t give
phone; she doesn’t try
your child the wrong idea.
to talk to me. It’s only
Vote: 1
when my attention goes
2
3
4
5
Log on LogicalParenting.com and add your insights Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
My mother just took a deep breath and said, “It’s OK,” and started to clean it up.
Vote: 1
2
3
4
5
elsewhere. Because I understand where she comes from, I try to be patient with her.
Vote: 1
2
3
BMmagazine.com
4
5 41
The classroom is a gym for the brain “K’tinok Haboreach Mibeyt Hasefer”. (Ramban Bambidbar 10;35) Many kids consider the classroom a place where they are forced to be against their will. They’re happy when a teacher is absent. And when the teacher is there, they expect the teacher to entertain them. This is because most of the subjects they study cannot be put to practical use. We have to explain to kids that the actual studying of subjects without any practical use makes them smarter and boosts their brain power.
Exercise your body:
~ The
Exercise your brain:
per- ~The hard work that is involved studying and learning enson has to do when he exercises in and sharpens the brain. helps him to strengthen his body. hances hard
work
that
a
~When you exercise, you need to focus on working out different parts of your body: arms, legs, thighs, etc.
~The
varieties
of
subjects
we
in
school
are
learn
designed
to boost different parts of your brain.
~W hen you start lifting weights in a gym, ~Don’t look to study only easy mateyou start with 20lbs. After a while you rial. To boost your brain power, you ask the trainer to increase it to 50lbs, because you want your body to get stronger. And with practice it becomes easier.
42
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
have to increase the difficulty level of the subjects you are studying. For example: if you study math, you want more complicated
math
problems
to
solve.
BMmagazine.com
Top Essays
selected from thousands submitted. See LogicalParenting . com
Michael Zalta - Yeshiva of Flatbush
Eddie Haddad - Yeshiva of Flatbush
Alex Mosseri - Yeshiva of Flatbush
Last summer, I made a great deci-
One day, we had a half a day at
When I use my brain, I play puz-
sion challenging myself rather than
school. All my friends went to play
zles with my sister, help my sis-
slacking off. It was during a burning
ball. I wanted to go but I ended up
ter with homework, and do word
hot day. Outside, it felt as though I
staying home to study for finals.
problems in my head so I get better
was roasting in the
at math. I also read
sun. I had to stay
books so I get smart-
inside in my air-
er. It’s important to
conditioned house.
use your head so you
I was so bored. I
get
went on the com-
smarter. When
you go to school, you
puter. I was think-
learn new things. If
ing, “What should
you are getting some-
I do?” I ended up
one’s number and you
looking up riddles.
don’t have paper or a
They were so challenging. I had a
pen, you could try to
hard
figur-
remember it in your
ing them out. Now,
head. If you go online,
I know so many
try to go on educa-
great riddles and
tional websites, not
time
I try to get my friends to solve
When the test came, I got a 90 and
empty
ones
them.
my friends failed. From this, you see
dumb.
Vote: 1
Vote: 1
2
3
4
5
“Why are most studies in school not really applied to practical use? There is a good reason why most of the things we study in school we cannot apply to practical use.” Find the answer online at LogicalParenting.com Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
that 2
make 3
you 4
5
that you should work hard and not play.
Vote: 1
2
3
4
5
written in complicated lan-
Ezra Azizo – Magen David When I don’t understand the pasuk,
I’ll
myself,
try not
to to
understand look
right away. Vote: 1
2
“Why was the Talmud
it
guage? Why wasn’t it written in simple language?”
in
Rashi
Find the answer online
3
4
Lo g i c a l P a r e n t i n g . c o m
5
BMmagazine.com
43
The classroom is a gym for the brain Robert Harary - Yeshiva of Flatbush
Ron Katz - Yeshiva of Flatbush
Nessim Azizo - Yeshiva of Flatbush
A lot of times a student would rather
One day, when I had to study for a
Every Monday, Thursday, and Friday
not learn. Of course, he would want to
test, I studied for it every day that
night I study the week’s parsha. One
learn but it just seems as if he doesn’t
week. On the day of the test, when
night, I asked my friend if we have any
want to sit down, challenge himself,
I came to school, my friend said that
tests tomorrow. He said, “I am going
he only studied for an hour last night.
crazy. We have a parsha Lech Lecha
After the test, I told myself it was so
test.” I told him that I study the parsha
and learn. For example, many times my friend sits in the back of the class-
3 times a week. He asked
room. This is the perfect time to
for my help. So I said “Yes”
text, BBM, play games and listen
because it’s a nice thing to
to his I-pod. Most of the time
do. I showed him the Rashi
that’s what he does. That’s why he
and he was amazed. The day
was failing. The problem was thatt
of the test I was calm and
he didn’t want to sit and learn..
so was my friend. Everyone
The problem continued at home..
else was scared. My friend
Instead of studying or doing his
and I got a 100 on the test. I
homework, he would play guitarr
taught him not to waste his
and went online. This meant ei-
time on empty things and,
ther copying off other’s homeworkk
from then on, he studies
or getting a failing grade. One day,,
the parashiot with me ev-
he forgot to charge his phone and
ery Monday, Thursday, and
couldn’t use it. That day, he took
Friday. Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
amazing notes, participated, and ac-
easy. But, my friend told me it was
Matthew Buboza- Yeshiva of Flatbush
tually read a book He felt so good
very hard. A week later we got the
One day, I was in school taking a math
by the end of the day, that he started
tests back and I got a 90. My friend
test. My teacher left the room and left
failed. I got a good grade because I
notes, with answers, on the table. I
didn’t cram all the information in one
could see the answer sheet. I looked at
night.
the questions and I thought, “Are they
putting work before play and challenged himself. Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
Vote: 1
2
3
4
5
“People use only 10% of
Log on LogicalParenting.com
really that hard that I can’t do them
the potential of their brain”
and add your insights
alone?” I looked one more time and
44
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
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Top Essays
selected from thousands submitted. See LogicalParentin g . com
decided that I can do them on my own.
Daniel Mellowl - Yeshiva of Flatbush
Shira Safia - Yeshiva of Flatbush
When I wrote my answers, the teach-
Play Rubik’s cube, checkers, and
In the math book, the answers are in
er walked in. If I would’ve looked, she
chess. Write down homework, read
the back. But, instead of looking in the
would‘ve caught me and I would’ve
books. These things are very impor-
back of the math book, you should use
tant because they make you smart.
your brain. The same way you exercise
When you go to school, don’t look at
your body you should exercise your
gotten a zero. When I got my test back, I got a 100. I was so happy. My
it as a bad thing. Look at is as a place
parents were so proud and even more
brain. Don’t forget, learning is the best way to get smart.
proud when I told
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5 them this story. Elliot Zakay
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
Yeshiva of Flatbush Yael Halon
I
Yeshiva of Flatbush
do
the
crossword
puzzle with my older
Kids feel: “Why
brothers. I learned that
do we need to
a crossword is a great
think if we could
way to keep your brain
just look up an-
functioning and work-
swers?” For ex-
ing. Even if I don’t
ample: why would we even bother doing our math homework if we have a calculator in front of us? Because we have to try to use our brain. It will also make us smarter. So, next time you have a choice of looking something up or thinking on your own - think! You won’t regret it! Vote: 1 2 3 4 5 Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
where teachers and faculty members
know something, I still try to keep
are trying to help you. Reading books
my brain moving. We always try to
is a great way to be smart with the vo-
finish the whole thing no matter
cabulary. Playing games like checkers
how hard it is. I think that, even-
or chess are fun, great ways to have
though they’re hard and require much
fun and be smart. Do not take the easy
thinking, it’s fun too. So, I try to do
way out because there will be conse-
them.
Vote: 1
2
3
4
5
quences. Do the right thing and work
“People are lazier to use their
hard.
brain than to use their body”
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
BMmagazine.com
45
The classroom is a gym for the brain Jesse Idy- Yeshiva Flatbush It’s important to be smart to try to do your own responsibility and be a good student. This story is about a kid named Sammy who wanted to copy someone’s homework. “Hey Sammy,” said Jake. “Can I copy Torah homework, it’s so hard for me,” said Jake. “Why don’t you ask the teacher for some help?” Said Sammy. “No. It’s embarrassing for me to ask the teacher,” said Jake. “Well it’s better to try than copy off my paper,” said Sammy. “Ok. I’ll try to do it without copying off you.”
Vote: 1
2
3
4
5
Morris Nadjar - Yeshiva Flatbush I think reading is the best way to sharpen the brain. The brain needs to be used or “it will collect dust.” On Shabbat, instead of bothering my brother and sister, I go to learn Torah with my dad. I also study during Shabbat for upcoming tests.
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
Sari Haddad – Magen David Challenging your brain is like exercise. You need to challenge your brain. You can do fun things like chess, Tollah, crossword puzzle, word search, sudoku, art, sports, reading and puzzles. 46
Vote: 1
2
3
4
5
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
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Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
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47
Life Without Balance Many parents want their child
they talk to you, what words
not too tall and not too short.
to be confident, to succeed. One
to choose, how to criticize you.
She wanted a well balanced
thing they are missing is the un-
You will be careful not to offend
child. There was a principal
derstanding that when you are
someone you love. But it’s your
who was known for producing
raising a child you have to be
emotional needs, not theirs.
willing to grow. If you don’t un-
These essays give you a chance
derstand your emotions you will
to figure out your child’s emo-
great students academically and emotionally well balanced. She got so many awards for produc-
not be able to
ing the best students. There was an event
understand
where she
your
got recog-
child’s
emotions. We all have our
Neat Freak
Messy
Giver
Stingy
Happy
Sad
nition
Talkative her
for great
achieve
emo-
tional needs.
Quiet
ments with kids. At the end of
When we love
tional needs. By reading these
someone we want to fulfill his
stories you will get practical ad-
emotional needs. But we are do-
vice written by kids. Have your
proached her and asked her,
ing it wrong because the way
child open up and see what his
“How well did you do with
we understand someone else’s
emotional needs are. You will
your own kids?” She was quiet
emotional needs is by assuming
see that it will be easier taking
for a moment and then she re-
steps to get a clue about him.
plied, I am embarrassed to tell
Chana was praying to Hashem
you but I was a failure with my
to have Shmuel Hanavi. She
kids. Not because I was busy
asked Hashem: “Venatata li
with the public and couldn’t
zera anashim lo chacham ve lo
give them time, but because ...
that what our emotional needs are, they are their needs as well. And not necessarily what our emotional needs are someone else’s needs. For example: if you
tipesh, lo gavoa ve lo namuch.”
are very sensitive and you expect
Meaning: Give me a child
someone to be careful with how
not too smart, not too dumb,
48
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
the event one of the parents ap-
See continuation at LogicalParenting.com BMmagazine.com
Top Essays
selected from thousands submitted. See LogicalParenting . com The Middle Road is the Golden Path
Are our decisions based on common sense or emotions? The an-
Someone who is too shy:
swer is emotions. Because our emotions and characteristics are
“Lo
usually out of balance and shift toward an extreme, we make the
han Lamed.”
wrong decisions. When we keep our emotions in balance, the re-
The Mishnah
sult is logical and common sense decisions. That’s why the Rambam
talks
says: “Who is smart? Someone who balances his character traits.”
Habais-
about
someone who, although
he
Here are examples of character
What do you lose when your char-
takes his studies very seriously, could
traits shifted to an extreme:
acter trait is extreme to one side?
still end up performing badly in school
1. Some kids take their studies too
Someone who is too generous:
because he is too shy. For example, in
seriously and some kids don’t care
The
Ram-
a classroom when a shy student doesn’t
about studying and they just want
bam
writes
understand something, he is often too
to have fun. The right way is to have
about
a balance between studying and fun. 2. Some people are neat freaks;
ple who are
everything has to be spotless.
ous. For ex-
Other people are too messy. The
ample, someone who earns a salary of
Someone who is too sensitive:
right way is to be in between.
$100,000 a year. He gets phone calls
Jessica called Michelle and asked
3. Some people are very talkative
about good causes to donate to Yeshi-
her if she wanted to hang out. Mi-
and some people hardly talk. The
vot, sick people, etc. And he feels he
chelle said “no” because she had other
right way is to be able to make
can’t say no. So, he gives half of his
good conversation, and to listen.
salary, $50,000 to charity. Is he doing
4. When parents give kids an al-
the right thing? According to Hala-
lowance, some kids will spend
cha the answer is no. The amount to
it all in one day, and some kids
give to charity is a minimum of 10%,
will save it all. The right way is
and a maximum of 20%. Although
to save some and spend some.
he is doing something good that help
5. Some people come to an appoint-
people, the problem is that he won’t
ment too early and some come too
have enough money to support himself
take things the wrong way. You end
late.The right way is to come on time.
and his family if he were to give 50%.
up only hurting yourself for no reason.
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
too
peo-
gener-
shy to ask a question because he is concerned that the teacher or his friends will think it’s a dumb question. Therefore, he ends up getting low marks on a test.
plans. Jessica took it the wrong way and thought that Michelle hated her. What happened because of this? Jessica stopped being friendly with Michelle. But the truth is that when Michelle didn’t hang out with Jessica, she had something important to take care of and it wasn’t anything against Jessica. When you are too sensitive, you might
BMmagazine.com
49
Life Without Balance Someone who is too afraid: Every taking
opportunity risks.
By
Someone who visits too often:
Here are some problems that
involves
(give her a chance to miss you!)
may occur to someone who is
tak-
Rosie and Julie were very close
too talkative:
not
ing chances, you lock doors to opportunities. For example, Marilyn called Nancy and invited her to go to an amusement park that had a ride called “Scream Machine.” “I
friends. Rosie lived far from Julie, and Rosie would wait impatiently for Sunday when she would get a ride to Julie’s house. Julie was very
am scared of it,” said Nancy. Mari-
excited to have Rosie come to her house.
lyn replied, “All of our friends want
Later on, Julie moved to Rosie’s
to go, we already planned it out.”
neighbor-
Marilyn and their friends went on
hood.
The Scream Machine without Nan-
the
cy. During the day, Nancy was just
ning,
sitting at home doing nothing, thinking about how much fun her friends were having on their trip. The phone
and were
At
beginJulie Rosie very
You might reveal others’ secrets and
then
no
one
will
trust
you anymore. People will not want to spend time with you because you do most of the talking. Without realizing, you might say things that could embarrass you and your family.
Someone who is too messy:
excited about this. Rosie would al-
You can’t find anything when you
ways go to Julie’s house. It was like
need it. You waste time look-
Nancy replied, “I can tell you guys
a second home for her. But after a
ing for things. This time could
are having a good time. I hear the
while, Julie wanted Rosie to give her
have been used more productively.
excitement and the laughing in the
some space. At times, she even wished
background. I
that she had never moved to Rosie’s
regret not go-
neighborhood in the first place.
ing!” shouted
We see this concept in the pasuk:
rang. Marilyn was on the phone. “We are having such a blast here,”she said.
Nancy.
“You
guys are having
a
good
time without me. I wish I was there.”
“Aker Raglecha Mibet Reecha Pen Yisbaecha Ve Yisnaecha” - ‘Limit your legs from your friend’s house; possibly
How to improve an extreme character trait: In order to change your character trait, you have to do the opposite action. Our emotions get influenced from our actions. If someone is stingy, it’s not enough to just acknowledge that
he could get sick of you and hate you.’ 50
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
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Top Essays
selected from thousands submitted. See LogicalParenting . com
he’s stingy; he has to do the opposite
If you fear too much:
Someone who is too stingy:
action. Meaning, spend money for a
Has this happened to you? You stud-
A
while and then the emotions will fol-
ied very hard for a test and when you
person was
low through and change your person-
took the test, your mind went blank
sending
ality from being stingy to being a giver.
and you didn’t remember anything.
If you are too messy:
The reason this happens is because
stingy
bill
a pay-
ment
to
C a n a d a
Michael
you have too much fear in you. One
has a char-
way to snap out of it is to do things
not sure if he had to put one or two
acter
trait
for a while that are risky but not
stamps on the envelope. He ended
that
he
too dangerous. For example, go on
up putting on one stamp because
wants
to
a scary ride at Six Flags, or when-
improve-
ever there is a chance to speak to
he is too messy. He knows that soon,
the whole class, take it. Doing this
summer will come and he will go to
will help you get out of your fear.
a sleep away camp. His friends and
If you’re overeating:
family warn him that because he is
Raymond is
messy, no one will be interested in
overeating.
sharing a room with him. Michael
At a party
really wants to be more organized.
everyone
How should he do it? The Mesilat Ye-
takes one
sharim tells us that emotions follow
scoop of ice
actions. Therefore, Michael has to go
cream, but he takes two. Everyone
to the other extreme, for a little while,
takes a moderate number of candies;
and be a neat freak. After he pushes
he takes a lot. For Raymond, the way
himself to be more organized, even
to change is not to eat ice cream and
though it’s not in his nature, this ac-
candies at all for a while and then
tion will affect his personality. Then, it
slowly to begin eating normal por-
will be easy for him to be organized. Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
tions.
but
was
he was too cheap. A week later, the bill came back with a late fee. Now, he had to send the bill with 2 new stamps and he had to pay a late fee.
We are seeking interesting or inspiring stories involving members of the Saba family for possible publication in an upcoming book. We are also interested in stories and reflections about how the tragedy may have affected your life.
Please email familysaba@aol.com or fax 646-514-0510
The Saba Family BMmagazine.com
51
Bar/Bat Mitzvah with Jewish Symbolism As a part of decorating a Bar/Bat Mitzvah party, it’s nice to include décor that symbolizes Judaism. W hich one of the following photos would you like to use for your Bar/Bat Mitzvah? Exciting g Contest: Send us your best photos from your party that symbolize Judaism. Instructions: Submit your photos to info@jewishalbum.com. The winner will receive a g reat prize and the photo from his occasion will be published in the next issue. W ho is going g g to make it to the top p: Photos that symbolize Judaism and at the same time are nice to use for décor.
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
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www . JewishAlbum . com As part of a Bar Mitzvah montage, it’s a good idea to include Kotel as a background
Vote: 1 2 3 4 5
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Vote on the above photos which symbolize Judaism the most.
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1 - Low
5 – High
JewishAlbum.com will be ready for Rosh Hashana, September 8, 2010 Exciting new website! Please email us photos from your occasion. We will post it on the website and you could see the top rated, most viewed, etc. Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
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53
MEANINGFUL BAR/BAT MITZVAH Remember the less fortunate on your happy occasion.
Yeshivot:
BAIS YAAKOV ACADEMY
(718) 339-4747
BAIS YAAKOV D’RAV MEIR
(718) 633-6555
BARKAI YESHIVA
(718) 998-7473
GESHER YEHUDA
(718) 714-7400
HILLEL YESHIVA
(732) 493-9300
IMAGINE ACADEMY
(718) 258-2962
MAGEN DAVID YESHIVA
(718) 236-5905
MASORES BAIS YAAKOV
(718) 692-2424
MEOROT BEIT YAAKOV
(718) 627-8785
NEFESH ACADEMY
(718) 339-9880
RAMAZ YESHIVA
(212) 774-8093
YESHIVA AHI EZER
(718) 648-6100
would be nice on your
YESHIVA ATERET TORAH
(718) 375-7100
YESHIVA CHAIM BERLIN
(718) 377-5800
Bar/Bat Mitzvah to send a
YESHIVA OF FLATBUSH
(718) 377-4466
YESHIVA OF MANAHTTAN BEACH
(718) 743-5511
YESHIVA SHAARE TORAH
(718) 645-8145
YESHIVAT MIKDASH MELECH
(718) 339-1090
AHAVA V’ AHVA
(347) 702-6207
AHI EZER CONG.
(718) 627-2500
AHI EZER CONG.
(718) 648-6100
AVE O SYNAGOGUE
(718) 336-5022
BET SHAUL U’ MIRIAM
(718) 382-0941
BET YAAKOB CONG.
(718) 336-3543
BETH TORAH CONG.
(718) 252-9840
BETH YOSEF CONG.
(718) 645-0448
BNAI YOSEF CONG.
(718) 627-9861
BNEI BINYAMIN CONG.
(718) 376-3500
BNEI YITZHAK CONG.
(718) 382-6688
DEAL SHUL
(732) 531-3200
EDMOND J. SAFRA CONG.
(212) 754-9555
EDMOND SAFRA CONG.
(732) 517-1155
EMEK HATORAH / OHEL TORAH
(718) 336-0099
HAR HALEBANON CONG.
(718) 339-0209
KETER SION CONG. KOL ISRAEL CONG.
(718) 645-8006 (718) 951-1417
MAGEN ABRAHAM CONG.
(732) 870-2225
Operating Jewish school is very expensive.
The
Yeshivot help many kids whose parents can’t afford to pay tuition. It
check helping those kids.
Shuls: In your shul you have every Shabbat programs that encourage kids to come to shul. You benefit from them and your friends benefit from them as well. It would be nice on your Bar/Bat Mitzvah to show your appreciation and help them to keep running the projects. 54
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
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MEANINGFUL BAR/BAT MITZVAH Remember the less fortunate on your happy occasion.
Shuls’ List (cont.): MAGEN DAVID CONG.
(718) 236-5905
MAGEN DAVID OF BRADLEY BEACH
(732) 988-1200
MAGEN DAVID OF WEST DEAL
(732) 531-3220
MIKDASH MELECH CONG.
(718) 339-1090
MISHKAN YERUSHALAYIM
(718) 332-6407
NETIVOT ISRAEL CONG.
(718) 998-2534
OHEL DAVID & SHLOMO CONG.
(718) 648-0100
OHEL SIMHAH CONG.
(732) 571-2711
OHEL YAAKOB CONG.
(732) 531-2405
the caterer to give food
PARK AVENUE SYNAGOGUE
(732) 571-2711
to waitresses. Some ca-
S. L. C.
(718) 627-5300
SEPHARDIC CONG.
(718) 998-8171
terers don’t know where
SHAARE EZRA CONG.
(732) 571-4382
SHAARE SHALOM CONG.
(718) 376-6756
the host stands on this
SHAARE ZION CONG.
(718) 376-0009
issue. Therefore, mention
SHEVET ACHIM CONG.
(718) 375-3895
TIFERET TORAH CONG.
(718) 339-5185
to them to allow wait-
YAD YOSEF CONG.
(718) 677-3707
When you have a party tell
resses to make a plate.
Organizations: ARAM SOBA FOUNDATION
718 9982295
CHAI LIFELINE/CAMP SIMCHA
212 4651300
ECHO MEDICAL REFERRAL
718 8599800
HATZALAH
718 9989000
KIEV COMMUNITY
347 2781278
LEV L'ACHIM
718 2587760
S.E.A.D.
732 4601700
SAFE
1866569SAFE
SEPHARDIC ANGEL FUND
718 7871400
SEPHARDIC BIKUR HOLIM
718 7879598
SEPHARDIC COMMUNITY CENTER
718 6274300
SEPHARDIC FOOD FUND
1866SFFFUND
SEPHARDIC NATIONAL ALLIANCE
718 6274624
SEPHARDIC RABBINICAL COLLEGE
732 5743000 X3
STELLA'S LINIADO RAINBOW FOUNDATION
9177014765
An extended and updated list will be ready for Rosh Hashana, September 8, 2010. Log on to Bar Mitzvah411.com
If we omitted someone please email us at info@jewishalbum.com Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
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Plan your wedding and Bar/Bat Mitzvah with
SAMPLE MENUS
RESTAURANTS
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WITH CAPACITY
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TO HOST
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AN EVENT
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w w w . k o s h e r h a l l s . com
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PARTY PLANNING GUIDE EASY TO USE GUIDE For planning a successful party. Venues, caterers, orists, party planners, party favors, invitations, photographers, DJs, etc. The latest trend in the Bar/Bat Mitzvah industry. Creative ideas for deccor specific for each seasson.
Unique color combo os. Ba rM it zvah411 .com will be ready for Rosh Hashana, September 8, 2010
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57
Albert “Shanty” Mishaan A”H
A Man of Honesty and Integrity who always put the welfare of his Family and Community above all. Shanty Mishaan A”H taught us the Jewish values of truth, unity, dignity, humility and kindness. He will always be remembered for his outstanding commitment to follow the Laws of Torah and Mitsvot and for his unwavering faith in Hashem, his belief and the people he loved. We hope to follow in his footsteps and continue the family values He bestowed upon all of us.
May his memory be a constant source of inspiration to all who knew him. We miss you and love you everyday that passes. From His Wife Rose, His Children, Grandchildren, Great grandchildren and Loved ones. 58
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
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DR. MAURICE BENJAMIN IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
IN HONOR OF HIS WIFE
IN
ALINE
HONOR OF MY WIFE
RACHELLE
ROCHELLE
BY DR. CHARLES ABADY
BY ELI M. DWECK
IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
ROCHELLE BY ALBERT ADES
IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
SHANI
A WONDERFUL MOTHER AND AN EVEN BETTER WIFE
BY MORDY FAKS IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
EILEEN
RAQUEL
BY ALAN CABASSO
BY JOSEPH FRANCO
IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
MICHELLE
JOYCE
BY MORRIS CATTON
BY EDDIE E. SERURE
IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
GLORIA AND OUR NEW BABY ELYSE
MARGRETTE
BY JAMIE DWECK
BY JACK SHAMMAH
Morris Beyda A�H
Morris Beyda A�H was a man who lived to live and whose presence is still missed today. Morris had a life full of Berachah between his wife Frieda of better than 50 years, his 6 children, and countless grandchildren, ken yirbu. Morris had a lot to be thankful to Hashem for and he was. Morris was one of the first pioneers in the community to send his kids to Yeshivah. Morris was also one of the first to attend and support the community shuls. Morris led by an example and his love for Torah and Mitzvot shines bright. This love for Hashem was passed on to his children and his entire legacy. 60
Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
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JEFF SUTTON IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
IN
RACHEL
HONOR OF MY WIFE
GLADYS
AUDREY
BY RICHARD ADJMI
BY VICTOR SETTON
IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
LEAH
MARCY
BY JOEY HABERT
BY CHARLES SUED
IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
CELIA
AMANDA
BY JASON HOFFMAN
BY DAVID TAWIL
IN
IN
IN HONOR OF HIS WIFE
HONOR OF MY WIFE
IN HONOR OF MY WIFE GRACE
RONIT
on the birth of our baby EDMOND
BY ALAN MAHANA
BY JOEY A. TAWIL
LOVING HONOR OF MY WIFE
SARI,
A TRUE ESHET CHAYIL
BY JACK SASSON
IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
MICHELLE BY MICHAEL WAHBA
Masores Bais Yaakov proudly announces
The Masores Simcha Hall
Enjoy your simcha in our elegant ballroom with a choice of caterers
Masores B ais Yaakov 1395 Ocean Avenue ~ 718-692-2424 extt .210 62 Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
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IN
HONOR OF
IN
SHARYN & EZRA ASHKENAZI
HONOR OF OUR PARENTS
IN
BY THEIR CHILDREN
HONOR OF OUR PARENTS
JACK & ESTHER DWECK
ARLETTE & VICTOR TAWIL
WITH LOVE , FROM THEIR CHILDREN
BY THEIR CHILDREN
IN
HONOR OF OUR PARENTS
IN
HONOR OF OUR PARENTS
GALIT & SAMMY ESSES
DR. JOSEPH & SHARON WAHBA
BY THEIR CHILDREN
BY THEIR CHILDREN
IN
HONOR OF OUR PARENTS
ALBERT & SOPHIE C. MOGHRABI
IN
HONOR OF OUR PARENTS
ISAAC & FRIEDA YEDID
BY THEIR CHILDREN
IN
HONOR OF OUR DEAR PARENTS
SOLOMON & INEZ SHARABY BY
DR. JACOB, JOSEPH, VICTOR SHARABY
IN
HONOR OF OUR PARENTS
HY AND LEE ZEBEDE
AND FAMILIES
IN
HONOR OF MY PARENTS
MOURAD & FRIDA SHASHO BY
MORRIS SHASHO
IN
HONOR OF OUR PARENTS
BENJI & SHELLA ZEITOUNE BY
A NNIE , E LIOTT & D ANIELLE
DR. ROBERT RICHTER IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
IN HONOR OF HIS WIFE
IN
HONOR OF MY DEAR WIFE
FANNIE, A TRUE ESHET CHAYIL BY ELI BOUGANIM
IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
GRACE
GLADYS WITH LOVE
IN
EZRA HEDAYA
HONOR OF MY WIFE
VIVIAN
LISA
BY ABE DUSHEY
BY JOEY JEMAL
IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
NANCY
ALICIA
BY CHARLES GRAZI
BY STEPHEN RAHMEY
IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
MONICA
MARCY
BY DAVID HADEF
BY SOLLY SHAALO
IN
HONOR OF MY WIFE
IN HONOR OF DOLLY BY GABI SHAMMAH
SHARON
IN HONOR OF FORTUNE BY ISAAC SAIDEH
BY MORRIS HARARY
IN HONOR OF SHELLA BY JACK SAIDEH
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IN MEMORY OF JOSEPH (YOSEF) HAMAOUI A”H BY ALBERT AND SALLY MOSSERI
IN
IN MEMORY OF
ELIYAHU BEN SARAH A”H
MAURICE & SALLY ELBAZ A”H BY
IN
HE EMBRACED EVERYONE WITH A WARM SMILE AND SENSE OF HUMOR.
BY IKE & ROSE BETESH AND FAMILY
IN
MEMORY OF
NORMAN ESSES A”H
MEMORY OF OUR FATHER
LEON BETESH A”H
STEPHEN & BRIELLE ELBAZ
IN
LOVING MEMORY OF
HARRY BAILEY AND VIOLA BAILEY A”H
IN
MEMORY OF OUR PARENTS
IN
MEMORY OF
MARGO SIMBOL BAT MAZAL A”H BY
HER SON SHLOMO LANIADO & FAMILY
IN LOVING MEMORY OF
MEMORY OF
EDDIE J. MISHAN A”H
GABRIEL BEN LEA BILDIRICI A”H
BY HIS SON
IN
IN
MEMORY OF
ELLIOT SERURE A”H BY HIS CHILDREN
JIMMY
MEMORY OF
ELIYAHU BEN RACHEL A”H BY
MR. & MRS. JACK RAHMEY
In Loving Memory of
Jack H. Ashkenazie A�H
A Pillar of Our Community
Jack Ashkenazie A�H His great love for Torah, Mitzvot, Gemelot Hasadim his outstanding commitment to help another Jew in need. May his memory be a constant source of inspiration to all who knew him.
May we follow in his ways.
By his wife Linda, children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. Bar Mitzvah Magazine 718-909-6060
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Congratulations to the Bat Mitzvah Girls!
S. Shalam
F. Esses
S. Mishan
B. Levy
G. Cohen
S. Mosseri
J. Saad
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J. Laniado
R. Nahum
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Congratulations to the Bat Mitzvah Girls!
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Sara Tawil Parents: SoďŹ a & Morris
Esther Haddad Parents: Ricci & James
Carol Sabbagh Parents: Sarina & Elliot
Lorraine Gammal Parents: Jane & Steve
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Congratulations to the Bar Mitzvah Boys!
J. Gindi
Y. Farhi
A. Farhi
E. Cattan
J. Benzaken
A. Dushey
E. Shamie
J. Uziel
M. Esses
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Congratulations to the Bar Mitzvah Boys!
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Albert Khafif
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