I'm Crying Out...Father Where Are You?

I’m Crying Our Father… WhereAre You?

Visionary Authors: Myechia Barnett & Chi Smith

Introduction

When you hear the word “seasons,” what comes to mind first? Seasons? Like the weather? I guess you could say that. In this case, the word seasons will imply the various changes you have experienced in life. Whether we know this or not, seasons have either helped or hurt to shape us into who we are today. Let us just look at what the word “seasons” means. Seasons help people understand the passage of time. Seasons also help teach people about change. Now in these seasons, are you questioning God? Do you feel alone in your crying-out season, or maybe you see no way out? “Seasons also help teach people about change.” The question is, “What has changed

you?” What did you experience during those seasons, and what was the outcome? There are many critical subtle differences related to each season. Keep in mind that just as humans change when the season/weather changes, so do everything else. Including plants and animals?

Yes, even plants and animals. When the weather changes, plants and animals also change their behavior and adapt to the weather condition. Plants and animals do not stick to one season for their growth; they will adopt all seasons.

This book will discuss many authors in their seasons, just like you. We have established and received the 4 pillars of these seasons: Grace, Favor, Overcoming, and Growth. Even though it

may not seem like God is with you, He is always with you. He’s with you even when you don’t want Him to. He’s with you in the valley that you may be facing right now. The testimonies you will experience in this book will help you along your way. It is not the end. Where you are is not your destination, and there is a purpose for you. We challenge you to read this book until the end because we have something for you. We have a dedication ready just for you, and we stand with you in this season.

“Giving in but not giving up.”

By J.J.

Philips

It’s the beginning of 2010; I believe school had just started back from holiday, and the kids and hubby were already home by the time I made it. I walk in, greeted by my youngest, and the others are either watching TV or upstairs doing whatever.

My mom lived with us at the time, and her favorite spot to sit was at the bottom of the stairs. It gave her a clear view of the TV, front door, and kitchen (to see what was being messed with). As I walked in, even with all the distractions from my kids, I glanced over at my mom and instantly realized something wasn’t right. I walked over to her, and as she tried to speak, there was drool, and her words were slurred.

My grandmother had several strokes when I was a teen, and although I’d never been around when she experienced one, I knew the effects it had. In my many days of ear hustling (which came in handy), I heard my mom and aunts talk about their experience witnessing it. I instantly knew

what the matter was, seeing my mom on those steps in that state. I yelled out to my husband that one thing no one EVER wants to have to say “CALL 911!” At this point, the older kids are racing down to see what’s happening. It went from calm and quiet to instant panic and confusion in a matter of minutes. I’d like to think I was calmer than most at the moment, but I don’t really think I was. By this time, for whatever reason, my mom was trying to stand up to go upstairs… she just kept saying she wanted to lay down, “if I can just lay down, I will feel better” I’m like, “you had ALLLLL day to lay down, and now you decide you want to lay down????

You must understand that I’m an only child; it’s always just been my mom and me since I was 4 when my parents divorced. Although I pretty much always got my way, the roles were starting to reverse as she got older. I wanted to do any and all things to make her happy or at least make life a little easier for her. I knew going upstairs was a bad choice, but it was what she wanted.

We all got together to help her up the 2 flights of stairs in my home, got her to the bed, and by this point, 911 made it….. “ARE YOU

FREAKING KIDDING ME? Now y’all want to show up?” Paramedics came in, and as I was explaining what I witnessed, one asked me why we

took her upstairs. “What the hell, ummm sir; please don’t ask questions that can’t help at this moment” There was a question of can she walk down, and we put her on the gurney. My response was, “Hell no; she can’t! We’re going to have to figure this out because walking down isn’t going to work!”

They finally got her down and transported her to the hospital. I followed behind, and my husband stayed home with the kids.

I got to the hospital, and it was complete and utter chaos! In my mind, I guess I didn’t imagine things would turn for the worse since she was up talking. It was apparent that she was not ok, but I was NOT prepared for what I was walking into and what I would be hit with. Nurses were running in and out of her room, me with unanswered questions, not knowing who to ask what, and feeling completely ALONE!

I finally made it to the nurse’s station and asked someone to help me; after a few moments, I was told to go sit in the waiting area, and someone would be out shortly.

At this point, I believe I called my aunt, my mom’s sister, who lived in town. Crying and unable to answer some of her questions, I grew increasingly frustrated and impatient. “Shortly”

seemed like an eternity. Another family was in the waiting room with me, and all I wanted to do was go sit with them. I’ve always been okay with being alone because I am an only child. But I’d never felt so lonely as I did in that moment. Finally, a doctor or nurse, someone came out to me, and I will never forget them saying that I would have to consider consent for life support.

You must know that my mother had always told me NO LIFE SUPPORT, which had stuck in my head so much that when they told me that, although, for some people, that may have given hope. But in my case, it meant the end. I had to honor my mother’s wishes. But all I could say was, “NO! Nope, you have to go and come back with something else; that won’t work!”

I broke down completely in uncontrollable crying; I’m crying now just thinking about it. I didn’t see, hear, or care about anyone being around me. There was this black shield or light or force around me that felt like a wall; in that moment, I felt I’d never get out of or over it…. I felt I’d be stuck ALONE in that moment forever.

Out of nowhere, I heard a lady ask, “can I sit down with you and pray?” I literally just fell over into her arms.

I grew up in church; my mom was a diligent leader in our Baptist church and one of those prayer warriors that felt like they were magic. So I knew prayer and the power of. But it never once dawned on me to pray; it never crossed my mind to ask anyone for prayer; it never crossed my mind to “Cry out to God.” I was literally STUCK

My mom had told me all my life to “be careful who you allow to pray with, for, and over you.” But I felt an energy in this woman to be genuine, or it was simply my vulnerable state, but I allowed her to pray for my mom and for me. Soon after, I felt a certain peace and or calm over my body. At this point, I believe I called my aunt back to give her the update, and I may have called my husband.

The doctor came back in, stating life support should not be necessary, but they did put her in a medically induced coma.

An hour or so later, my aunt and her husband arrived, which brought a moment of relief, knowing I would not be alone.

The next 24-48 hours were all about waiting, monitoring, and more waiting.

At this point, I’ve called on all the prayer warriors I knew. Some prayed with me over the

phone; some prayed in their homes alone; some took their prayer to the altar, and some had me put the phone on speaker so my mom could possibly hear.

In all this prayer, I’d still not cried out myself, asking God what in the world and why. She finally woke up, and the healing process began. Still a long road ahead, physical therapy and possible speech therapy, but we really didn’t know. The doctors, although very blunt, which I could appreciate, were very optimistic, so that made me more hopeful.

A few days awake, she’s looking to get up, sit in the chair, feed herself, and have more conversation.

A week later, I got a call that my grandfather wasn’t doing well and probably won’t make it much longer. My mother was extremely close to my grandfather, so this news might not be the best in her condition. I talked to the doctor, and he suggested we should not share anything with her at that point. A week later, my grandfather passed, and now we are torn. But based on what the doctor suggested, I decided not to share the news with my mother at that time.

So here I am mourning the loss of my grandfather, whom I was very close with as well but having to be the strength for my mom yet deceiving (in my mind). Of all the people in the world, this is her daddy, and I can’t tell her?

I’d been away from the hospital on this particular day; I believe a few days before the funeral. I’d been trying to make arrangements for someone to stay at the hospital with my mom while I traveled back to Arkansas for the funeral. I got back to her room, and she burst into tears, saying daddy had died. I was furious at this point, trying to figure out how in THE HELL she knew. A family member had divulged the information to her, and all I saw at this point was RED.

How in THE HELL would you even think it’s ok to share this information in her state? I had to talk to them to find out why they thought it was ok, but this is someone I was not in contact with, so I had to ask for their information. No one was willing to give it to me. To this day, I’ve not been able to voice my opinion to them. But if I get the chance!!! Lol, guess I let it go….

I think the worst part was my mom feeling like a parentless child in her already weakened state. Not to mention not being able to attend the funeral.

I’d seen my mother cry before, but nothing like she did that day, and I felt completely helpless. Yet I still had not cried out to God.

A dear friend of mine and one of my mothers’ was able to sit with her at the hospital in my absence for the couple of days I was away for the funeral.

When I returned, she’d made even more progress, and although her loss truly saddened her, she was determined to get better.

Another week passed, and she was starting physical therapy and doing laps to the bathroom and to the bedside chair with assistance, of course. Another week, and with more progress, there would be a discussion of possibly going home.

I got a call from my cousin in Little Rock, their mom; my mom’s sister (another sister), the sister that had pretty much coordinated my grandfather’s funeral just 2 weeks prior, was now in the hospital in a coma from a STROKE, a hemorrhagic stroke; same as my mom. After my initial shock, I instantly went into optimistic mode and started assuring them that my mom had just gone through the same, and she’s up, and I know my aunt will be up and out too. My aunt being one of the strongest women I know; I never imagined this to happen so early in her life. She was just a

few years older than I am now. We got off the phone, and never did I think I’d receive the call I did just a few days later. My aunt never woke up, nor would she; the stroke had caused too much damage. This is when I cried out to GOD in anger, rage, sadness, and confusion. WHY is this happening to us? So much pain and loss; what in the hell is going on?!!! I probably cried myself numb. I was ready to throw in the towel and just Give In. I had to take this news back to my mom and my kids and process it all while still mourning my grandfather, and truth be told, I mourned a part of my mom that was still lost. Although she was alive, she was not the mom I knew before the stroke, so we had a long road ahead.

My mother was discharged from the hospital on the day of the funeral; naturally, she wanted to go. We are all from Arkansas, so that meant a 3hour ride on the day she was discharged. She was not taking no. We arrived late to the funeral, and if you know anything about people that have strokes, sometimes their hearing or the ability to gauge their volume is off. My mom’s volume when we entered the church, let’s just say, was nothing short of echoing. LOL, I can laugh now because it’s been over 10 years. But in that moment, it was HELL!

She was on a walker, which was one of the stipulations for being discharged to attend the funeral. But when we got in that church around all her old friends and church members, she tossed that damn walker to the side. Still needing to lean on someone. ME*

We walked through the church's double doors, and I saw my aunt’s casket, and I just broke down, but I had to still stand strong to be a foundation for my mother. We were seated, and everyone was trying to say hi to my mom; I thought this is my aunt's funeral; please chill the hell out. I just went numb, and that black wall went back up. I felt as if the world was moving very fast, but I was stuck and could not move at all. I sat at that moment thinking of the last conversation I’d had with my aunt and her last question to me being, “when are you going to paint again?” My response was, “I don’t really have the time.” She responded, “you need to learn to make the time; life is too short not to” that was a year prior to her passing.

We returned to Texas the same day of the funeral; we felt it best to get my mom home instead of trying to stay in a hotel.

The next day reality kicked in; I had to make a choice, and that was NOT to give up. With my

mom’s help, I/we figured out the next steps for her and pushed and pushed to get her the care, the coverage, and all she needed to have her back on track.

Two weeks later, we lost my grandfather’s sister and, a month later, my son’s grandfather. Most people might have sat in a corner rocking at that point, but I took what my aunt said about life being too short, applied the “push forward” method, and made moments count.

In life, there will be many things to knock us down and even make us give in… but the key is to NEVER give up.

If you are or know someone at risk of having a stroke, don’t ignore the signs; get medical attention immediately. Let your family know if you aren’t taking your medication regularly, so they know to inform medical staff in the case of an emergency. If you live alone, someone needs to have a key to your home and know your medical schedule and list of medications. Your life is meaningful, and you matter.

I know there are several caregivers out there; you might be one reading this, but just know it’s ok to ask for help, it’s ok to depend on others, don’t try

to do it all. Don’t be discouraged by how your loved one talks to you; they are in pain, hurting, and mentally lonely and drained sometimes.

Know when to Give in, but Never Give up.

Artist, Designer | Illustrator | Author

Jeanine JohnsonPhilips (aka JJ)

had an interest in art at a very early age, pursuing it from middle school through college. After getting married and raising a family, her art was put on the back burner. By the time her children were older, she’d toyed around with the idea of revisiting her artistic side, but being a full-time corporate employee, there just didn’t seem to be enough time to commit to her art.

In 2010, JJ’s mother suffered a major stroke. Being an only child, JJ took some time from corporate to care for her mother; during that time, she found space to create. Shortly after her mother’s stroke, JJ lost her aunt, her mother’s sister, who was also an artist. Almost losing her mother and then losing her aunt made JJ realize how important life was. Grasping the concept that time can be fleeting, nor does it stand still, JJ decided to give her art her all.

JJ’s style has always been quite unique, inspired by natural hair and fashion. Like many other

artists, her style has progressed over the years, and her designs have invoked a collaborative spirit that she shares with others. Her company j9sTyle&Co. has taken off with major collaborations to place her art and illustrations on accessories and even illustrating a children’s book, Catharyn’s Garden.

JJ and her daughter have also illustrated a children’s book, A Home for Us.

Although not yet published, she has since gone on to start writing a book about personal experiences in hopes of helping others.

Adding “author” to her creative portfolio is just the beginning of a new chapter for JJ.

j9sTyle&Co.

www.j9styleco.com

IG: j9style_and_co

FB: j9style&co | Pinterest: j9style&Co.

Built Better Mentally

By Keisha Griggs

“I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.”

-Philippians 4:13

Have you ever worried about things that were out of your control? Have you ever suffered from anxiety and depression? Have you ever felt alone with no one to talk to? Through all my struggles and failures in life, I thank God daily for always showing me favor throughout my life. When life gets you down and you feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, God will always provide if you have FAITH. Let me tell you about God's favor in my life. When you are trying to get over a painful experience, it is much like crossing monkey bars. You must let go at some point and move into the season God destined for you! God saw FAVOR over my life and brought me out of the darkness. My days and nights are different now. What I had to learn in life is “what’s for me

is for me ! The path God made for me is mine!”

When you’ve been through the storm and didn’t have a clue, let me give you some things to imagine that God brought me out of:

1. Imagine moving away and a person you look up to call DCS because you wouldn’t have your child disrespect you or anyone because the person and her husband said they were disrespectful.

2. Imagine calling your mom, and she texts and say, “don’t call me; text me what you want.”

3. Imagine being on probation for whooping your child, who clearly was being disrespectful.

4. Imagine your mom telling your daughters that you don’t love them but allows her father-in-law to inappropriately touch her granddaughter and cause trauma that the mother (me) that doesn’t love her had to help heal her!

When life happens, and you must pick up the pieces and move forward, the mind tends to act quickly. Fast forward to losing my job and being on 4 years of probation because of the false accusations. I wanted to give up and decided that life was over. I did not have an income for 2 years, so I decided to go the fast route. I found myself behind on bills and became homeless. I had to

think of a plan because I knew I couldn’t be homeless with my girls. I thought that selling drugs would get me through. I loved my people (addicts) and encouraged and fed them even though this wasn’t right, but I kept praying. God knew it wasn’t right, but I would tell them that God loved them and always encouraged them to get better. These people (addicts) would tell me that I was one of the nicest drug dealers ever. I would just keep praying and asking God for favor. I thank God for favor. I decided to let go and remember my reason why. God delivered me from that season and wanted me to help young girls. I had to start with my daughter. We both needed healing from past trauma. As we are healing, God showed me that through him, anything is possible. I had to believe and trust in Him. People who I knew would always tell me that if they were in my shoes, they would have folded a long time ago. My response will always be, BUT GOD! I am stronger because of who I am. I also felt the saying, “when it comes fast, it leaves way faster.” Be humble and wait!

God allowed me to get a great job that I never qualified for, and I have recently been promoted. God allowed me to come off probation and CLEARED my records. God has provided me with a roof over my head, and homelessness is

behind me. But GOD! God gave me a second chance. He took what the enemy made bad and turned it into something positive. Depression and anxiety tried to take me out, but God stepped in and said I am a HEALER! Never let anyone tell you that it isn’t possible! I thought I would never be where I am today. I can live unapologetically! I am here to tell my story and how I made it through. I was just like you, with nowhere to go, no one to turn to, and no encouragement from anyone. If I can make it through all these seasons, trust and believe you can make it through all your seasons. You must trust and believe that God is for you and not against you. I used to say that I wouldn’t go to therapy. Guess what? I have a therapist I love, and we cry, laugh, journal, and struggle together. I love having God in my life; it has built a better me. I still have struggles, but if God allows me to wake up, pray, meditate, and think positively, I will conquer all things through Christ, who strengthens me! I was delivered from selling drugs, fighting the evil system, anxiety, worry, and depression. I was renewed! God gave me the strength to move forward. I am now able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Lastly, a few things I conquered on my healing journey is that God will never leave your side. You must live the life He promised you. In

2022 I am at a place in my life called PEACE. Prayer and peace are a priority. I have to avoid certain people, places, conversations, and phone calls to protect my mental and emotional state. If it shows up negative, it will be returned to the sender. I have accepted the assignments that God has given me this season. I can’t accept anything that takes me away from the love of God. It will not take me from where I’m supposed to be or where I’m going. No matter what you go through in life, you can come out of it. You have to go through the bad to appreciate whatever good you’re going to get; if you never go through the struggle, how can you accept God's blessing for you? If you don’t accept the blessing, you are going to be spoiled. I refuse to be spoiled; I want to know what the bad feels like so that I can harness and hold on to it so much more when my good comes around. I’ve learned that it may not come around for a little while. This is my epic chapter of much prayer and much power. I will follow the path God has assigned to my life; I will not be defeated. I will be healed because sometimes the healed need healing also. The devil thought he had me, but God came from above and grabbed me. I shall follow my assignment. I will conquer all struggles and stay on the path to righteousness. If God brought me through, He will bring you through it. Stay on your assignment and

believe the scripture, “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13 I am her; she will always be me.

The day I thought I was tired and it should all end was the day God said, “Keisha, this isn’t the end; I shall carry you through. So, if you feel like I’m bragging, I’m not. I just see the light, and I’m still here to proudly tell my story! I had to learn that through this whole process, I was never alone. God provided everything I needed to move forward. From 2015 to 2018, I was looking down, but when I finally looked up and knew God favored me. I am a living testimony, and I had to learn to unapologetically tell my story! He saw the best in me, and if I surrendered, my troubles would be over. This journey isn’t and wasn’t easy, but with a changed mindset and the ability to let God lead me, I know that I am built better mentally. I shall live and not die. I will prosper and receive favor in abundance. Give God the glory and the praise because of who you are. Remain humble and trust and believe in what you prayed for. If you ever have doubts, trust and keep believing that God will see you through. It’s like building a house; it can’t be done in a day. Let God in and have FAVOR over your life. The first step is to believe. God said, “if you make one step, He’ll make two.” Be blessed and stay ready so you’ll

never have to get ready. God loves you, and so do I! God wants what’s in you, not what’s on you! Whatever you are going through, give it to God, who will provide for your every need. Stay blessed, and keep praying. God will come when you least expect him. Watch God move big mountains in your life. No matter how hard the test may be, always remember why you started. Wake, Pray, and Journal your way through. He is a provider!

Keisha Griggs works remotely at Gap, Inc. She is a jack of all trades. She has 4 beautiful girls she loves and cherishes with all her heart and soul. Keisha is currently an author, mobile public notary, and the owner of KAS Creations. She is the author of Journey to SelfLove Workbook, Sis, Why Ain’t You Up? Praying My Way Through, and co-author of I’m crying out Father… Where are You? (Built Better, Mentally!

Keisha’s 2 years of experience writing journals, workbooks, and creativity shines through her newest collection of books on healing and praying my way through. She also has a diploma in Medical Office Administration, and she is a certified braider.

Keisha lives and works out of her home in Nashville, TN, spends her time with her daughters, and loves to travel when possible. Her books are available on Amazon and always ready to ship. Always remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel…… Prayer, Peace, Love, and Faith!!