RUN: From The Pain Within....Vol. 1

RUN FROM THE PAIN WITHIN UNTOLD STORY

MYECHIA BARNETT

RUN: FROM THE PAIN WITHIN by MYECHIA BARNETT VOLUME 1

Copyright © 2022 Myechia Barnett | Barnett Publishing

All rights reserved.

ISBN-10: 1737350289

ISBN-13: 978-1-7373502-8-6

Table of Contents

Dedication

Resources

Introduction

Chapter 1: Innocence Taken

Chapter 2: School Life

Chapter 3: Snap Out of It

Chapter 4: Cousins??!!!

Chapter 5: Feeling Imprisoned

Chapter 6: A Nightmare

Therapeutic Venture For You

Dedication

I dedicate to my four beautiful children, Samaj, Malaysha, Mahki and Sy’yair. This starts my legacy for them, and I want them to know where mommy came from and what she went through in order to get where she is today.

To my children: No matter how far, how near, or how long, I have always loved you and always will. Life may have thrown some curveballs, but mommy always threw a bigger one back. If you are reading this book and have a sense of resentment, abandonment, rejection, anger, or anything other than love, I ask you openly to forgive me for the decisions I have made in my past concerning you. However, I will not apologize for placing you in the hands of others to be stable and taken care of until I could. This is what a mother’s love looks like. Selflessly ensuring that you are okay while mommy is dealing with the pressures of life. I’ve always believed that we all

RUN: FROM THE PAIN WITHIN by MYECHIA BARNETT VOLUME 1

will be together because God said so; in this, my children, it is about His timing, not mine.

Love, Mommy

“We fall down, but we get up, no matter what you’ve done.” I love you all.

Resources

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish.

800-273-8255

Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish and 200+ through interpretation service

800-799-7233

I not only had the enemy fighting me, but honestly, I have been fighting myself for releasing this story. Emotions surrounding the fear of what others will say? Emotions surrounding how successful this book will be? Emotions surrounding hindering others from their blessing, empowerment, and help with my words and testimony? Emotions surrounding that because I know this is bigger than me and not for me, that I’m owning this and running with it? Fear is the opposite of faith, and here we are. God told me at 19 that I would write a book. In 2019, I wrote 2 children’s books, but I’m sure that wasn’t what He meant, lol.

Yeah, right, my actions showed. As time passed, events happened, losses and gains, building true resilience and learning who I am. I actually started writing this about 5 years ago. I lost everything I had on this story when the laptop went to shit. BAM! I pawned the laptop and didn’t move my work. BAM. I got a new laptop and just gave up. See, when there’s a purpose far more prominent

than you in moments you don’t understand, you miss out on paying attention to the surrounding things. It was keeping me from accomplishing what I was supposed to do. I kept myself from what I was supposed to do until 2020-2021. This is when I really sat down and started putting it on paper. One thing that I noticed, I did not remember details. The ability to have details to take someone on a journey with you. Now, this may not be perfect in grammar, etc., but this will reach those it’s SUPPOSED to reach. I’m assigned to those women who experienced what I went through and didn’t see a way out. Those women who thought it was them when, in reality, it’s not. You were a child. You never had the chance to be a child. You grew up too fast and became an adult so young. You were violated, and these events created a spiral effect. An effect that has been hard to get through, learn through and heal through. While none of us is perfect, this story is one part of the younger version of me who needed someone to show them the way, love them with emotions, care for them, and lead them.

Learn about Sabrina’s childhood memories and uneventful moments that led her into early adulthood. This book will express what she did, been through, allowed, or overcame. God is and always has been the One behind the scenes. This is

just the beginning of Sabrina’s pitfalls, pain, suffering, and self-sabotage. I’m here to tell you, “there’s beauty on the other side of pain.” May God bless you with your openness and the ability to see Sabrina’s perspective.

Chapter 1: Innocence Taken

Have you been molested, touched, or allowed things to happen to you that you didn’t know were wrong? How did you feel? Why didn’t you feel strong enough to speak up?

Sabrina was light-skinned, petite, flat belly, had small breasts, and had a small booty. She had beautiful long brown hair and wore what she wanted when she wanted. This includes clothing with her stomach out, high heels, short dresses, skirts, etc., at a very young age. Before moving forward with this part of the story, she was born at Crop hospital. She lived in the projects as a child but only remembers where she lived from age 5. She had seen pictures of her and older sister, Posh,

when they lived there, but that is all. Eventually, her mom, Trish, moved out of the projects and into an apartment complex on Pink Street. This is where it all started, and it all went down. Keep up because there will be different scenes, people, and locations as we continue with this story. From what Sabrina can remember, the last memory of her mother, Trish, and her dad, Jack, being together is when she had chicken pox sitting in a tub of oatmeal and calamine lotion all over her and the feeling of itching. Have you ever had chicken pox?

Then we have Angel, Trish’s mother, who was Sabrina’s grandmother, who stayed around the corner on Pluck Street. Angel was literally Godsent. The entire family saw her as an Angel sent from above to be here on earth to protect the entire family, whether they attest to this in their understanding. She was a devoted follower of Jesus Christ with a deep relationship with God; she was always happy. Sabrina’s question was, “how and why would so many bad things happen under her roof without Angel knowing about it?

Walking out of Sabrina and Trish’s apartment door are a set of stairs leading to the opening of the complex covered in snow. It covered Sabrina from

head to toe in a bodysuit, hat, scarf, and gloves while Trish was leading her down the aisle of the complex to turn right. Passing another complex to her left and walking down the stairs past the laundry room area, they head to the street. 5 more minutes and they were at the emergency room, where she had to be hospitalized for one week with a critical case of pneumonia. Trish was a CNA and did doubles all the time. So, the majority of the time, Sabrina was at Angel’s house. On occasions, she would visit her other grandmother, Ol G, on her dad’s side. A few months later, Sabrina was rushed to the hospital again for overdosing on pills in the medicine cabinet in her and Trish’s bathroom. They pumped her stomach, and upon recovery, they released her. One year later, at Angel’s house, “Let’s play hide and seek,” 6-yearold Lee said. “Why? There’s nowhere to hide in here unless we use the dining room or front porch,” 6-year-old Sabrina said. “Let’s go under the table in the dining room,” Lee said. Sabrina is not 100% sure how the conversation went, but she remembers it started as a game. While being under the dining room for whatever reason, Lee uses his hands to touch Sabrina’s small breast area and heads down past her belly to her safest place on earth. He moved his hand from there to her

buttocks. Wait, what? Yea, this is happening. Sabrina is completely unaware of how she feels. She sits there and allows her cousin to do this to her. Why? Mentally trying to process that this has nothing to do with playing hide and go seek. She really was trying to process it all in her little mind and stayed silent. A game, a game turned into a moment she will never forget. The moment it took away her innocence from her. Footsteps creak into the dining room. “GET OUT FROM UNDER THAT TABLE!” Angel says while lifting the dining room tablecloth. “What are y’all doing under there?” Angel says to them both. “We were playing hide and go seek,” Lee answered. Sabrina was just quiet and had nothing else to say. Lee was not around that much because one of Sabrina’s 1st cousins adopted him. So, seeing him after this moment was brief to none. So time passed, and Sabrina started staying home and not really visiting Angel that much. However, there were family outings, family reunions at Six Flags, Lungs Pond, etc. Most of Sabrina’s mom’s side of the family was there; it was fun but distant to Sabrina. Sabrina wasn’t really close to others, but as a child, you go where mom goes for these outings. Between the ages of 7-10, Sabrina went back and forth to Angel’s house, where she would

be with her other 1st cousins. Trish had 2 sisters and 4 brothers. The major holiday was at Angel’s house, where everyone came together to celebrate. Celebrations always turned into fights every time because of alcohol and many other reasons the family didn’t get along; I’m sure you can relate. Over time, Sabrina got close to her cousins, and they had tons of fun. Angel had a husband of about 60 yrs, Sabrina’s grandfather El. El would secretly call Sabrina or one of their cousins to come to his room. In the room, he would offer to pay them to go to the store and buy him sugar snacks he was not supposed to have. El was overweight and confined to the bed, so he couldn’t do much on his own. Angel did everything for the house and him. When she would work or go out for church, he would occasionally get up and stroll down the stairs to the kitchen to make food for himself; he had no choice. He would always make this sound that Sabrina and her cousins would mimic in secret and laugh at. Sabrina was very uncomfortable around her male cousins when they would visit, but no one knew that. On several occasions, Sabrina and her cousins would stay the night at Angels and cover the living room floor to sleep, play, and watch TV. Lee visited a few times, but every time, Sabrina would distance herself from

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him and discreetly not let anyone tell she was uncomfortable around him. Sabrina, now 11 years old, her older cousin, Lorenz, the son of Trish’s sister, Sandy, came up to her while she sat on the couch to her lay on the couch and told her “say nothing.” He was very tall to Sabrina and somewhat intimidating. Most of us in the cousin circle didn’t really like to be around him much because we thought he was weird without understanding who he was, what he went through, etc. Again, kids. On this day, Sabrina had on a skirt, so what he did was take advantage of this opportunity. He had used his hand to move her underwear, took his penis, and tried to insert it into her vagina. It was a struggle, and Sabrina’s face displayed pain and discomfort; of course, it couldn’t fit or go in because she was still a virgin at this point, and he was huge. She just laid there and let it happen again, only this time it was one step closer and disturbing at this point. Why? Why was she so willing to allow these things to happen to her? So submissive. She submitted to the act of molestation yet again in her early life by another family member. They heard Angel’s footsteps walking upstairs; she was headed towards the steps to come downstairs. They were on the couch, loveseat, by the door where the entrance to the

inside front porch was. Lorenz hopped up and ran into the dining room, getting himself together, while Sabrina stared off into space and fixed her skirt; they pretended nothing happened. Why was she so submissive to being taken advantage of by the very people who were supposed to be her family? Guess what….it doesn’t stop here. This is only the beginning. I don’t know what you’re thinking right now, but whatever it is, you have heard nothing yet. A young girl takes what she was taught and ends up becoming very promiscuous. It completely disconnected Sabrina from her feelings at this point. Blocking out the horrors of her male cousins and just going on with life. She’s young; she’s a child. She doesn’t know how to feel except the feeling of fear to tell.

Was this behavior passed down as a generational curse? Did this happen to the very ones that violated Sabrina?

Sabrina had friends in school; she had a best friend named Rosay. Sabrina used to go to Rosay’s apartment and go straight into the fridge. Come to think of it; it was just rude. They became sisters. Most of the time, Rosay went everywhere, Sabrina

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went, and vice versa. Rosay did not know what had happened to Sabrina when she went to her grandmother’s house. Life on Pink St. was fun, with fights and drama. A new family moved into the apartment above Trish and Sabrina. Eventually, Trish and Roberta became close friends. Roberta had 3 brothers, 1 sister, and 3 children. As Trish and Roberta’s relationship grew, Sabrina’s and Roberta’s children remained the same. They had each other’s back and became best friends. When Roberta and Trish go out, Sabrina is with Roberta’s kids or Rosay. Now, Sabrina is 12 years old. Sabrina would spend a lot of time with Saturn, Roberta’s daughter, and Venus, Roberta’s sister. Roberta would have parties on holidays where her brothers and close family would come; even apart from holidays, the family would be there. Sabrina had a crush on Mars’s friend, Roberta’s brother’s friend. He was tall and handsome, with caramel skin. Saturn, Roberta’s sister, had a crush on another one of her brother’s friends. So they would be in conversation about these 2 men older than them like young girls do. Saturn, Venus, Sabrina, and Ox and Roy, Roberta’s sons, would be in the living room dancing and singing Mariah Carey’s songs frequently. When Sabrina would spend the night at Roberta’s house, she would sleep in the

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bunk bed with Venus and Saturn when she came. Sabrina had her first cigarette, first puff of weed, and first drink and Roberta’s house. Secretly, of course. Now, Roberta’s brothers always secretly had eyes on Sabrina as they came around.

Sabrina knew Mars was eyeing her more, in which a crush began between the two. Now, Mars was twice Sabrina’s age, but Sabrina didn’t care that he was older. She just crushed on him. Mars’ baby mamas would come over, and there would be fights over him. In Sabrina’s mind, “why are these women always fighting over him?” Of course, there would be conversations as teenagers between Saturn and Sabrina on this topic with Roberta. Roberta was fun, easygoing, and would fight without question. She rode for her brothers, and so did Venus. Hanging out on days where drinks were involved, Mars started conversations with Sabrina. He would wink his eye at her, say little things about her looking like Beyonce, basically anything to boost her self-esteem and make her believe she was the shit. It was always about her beauty and the outfits she wore. She now knows he likes her.

Mind-blowing for Sabrina, her crush is actually displaying interest in her. This is like meeting Omarion from B2K and him talking to her.

WHAT! Sabrina went with it. Secretly, he started touching her and hugging her, and eventually, they would converse about taking it to the next level. Now, no one knew this was going on. However, I’m sure they noticed Sabrina’s glow and how she acted around him for them to know she liked him, but they didn’t know was that he was leading her to him with his charm. While this happened behind the scenes, a night at Roberta’s house turned into something. A plan between Mars and Sabrina came to fruition.

Let us go back a little before we get to that point of Sabrina losing her virginity. Sabrina was beautiful, young, and petite. So, her clothes were very enticing to young and grown men. In school, she was very open sexually, had a few “boyfriends,” but was nothing sexual as far as penetration, although it has been tried. One of the young men was San Francisco. He was tall with braids, and Sabrina’s mom, Trish, allowed him down to Sabrina’s room one day. Of course, as kids, you are told not to do anything, etc., but of course, once you let a boy and a girl underage in a room alone, they are going to try it! Trish was playing music and chilling like she usually would when she wasn’t working, Sabrina’s mom. San Francisco

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was older than Sabrina, and she only really liked him because he was tall, slim, had a nice body, and had long braids. Back then, she was a huge Omarion fan, Omarion from the B2K group. On this day, Sabrina invited him down to her room, which they both discussed. I mean, she thought they were in a relationship. He lived on the east side by the hoagie shop. She only saw her celebrity star crush in him. The attention overtook her actions; they eventually started kissing and were lying on her bed. He was on top of her, legs spread to invite him into her softest place on earth. He pulled out his thick, light-skinned penis with a length that would frighten a girl of Sabrina’s age. She let him in; he tried to penetrate a few times, but because Sabrina was still a virgin, he got little room. His private parts were too big for her, so they stopped. Trish ended up calling Sabrina, so he basically left after that. They had to pretend they did nothing. Fortunately for Sabrina, he was not the one to pop her cherry because they were not exclusive. She just liked him because he looked like a singer she loved. They ended up breaking up. Sabrina was known as a freak, a slut, and that. She wasn’t even having sex with anyone. It looked that way because she was always in boys’ faces, and some of them in school were her friends. So

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she did not care. Sabrina was actually dating her best friend’s brother, Wayne. She crushed on him because he reminded her of Lil Wayne, another celebrity she had crushed on back then. Sabrina’s sister she never knew, came to move in. Trish and Star didn’t get along at all, but she was also young and came from her dad’s house. Sabrina and Star never really hang out much because Sabrina didn’t like Star that much then. They would fight over playing Sega. When Sabrina got mad and Trish made them fight, Sabrina wanted to kill her. Star was older, big booty, light-skinned, and had short hair. There were times, though, when Sabrina was with Star. One of these times, Star was dating someone and wanted to sneak him in while Trish wasn’t home. At first, Sabrina wanted no parts. Eventually, Sabrina secretly invited Wayne over.

Star was with her dude downstairs in one room, and Sabrina was upstairs in the living room with Wayne. Wayne sat on the couch, and Sabrina was on the floor in between his legs, back turned, where he massaged her breasts. A key turns in the doorknob. Wayne jumps up and hides in the closest fast! Trish was coming upstairs with her dude as Carlos came in. He knew we had something going on; he ended up checking the

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closest, and Wayne got caught. Star’s dude had to leave. He told Trish about it. Smh. Trish beat Sabrina and Star for that. Sabrina had the belt, and Star had a stick. Rosay didn’t like Sabrina dating Wayne; that was her brother, and they were sisters. It was just weird. Wayne and Sabrina had a great relationship and really liked each other. They were also on and off. Those two got together when they could.

Here in 7th grade, Sabrina started her first almost actual relationship with Franklin. He sat behind her in class; this was around the time the Twin Towers went down. Sabrina was a daredevil, so if she was dared something, she was going to do it. Sabrina and Franklin somehow started talking and liking each other. One day in class, they sat next to each other, and she placed her hand on his penis in class and was basically jacking him off. They weren’t intimate yet, but it wasn’t too far off. Franklin was very mean; he would call her names and just treat her terribly as her boyfriend. She just disregarded it, although it hurt her. Now mind you, Trish worked all the time. Joe, Sabrina’s dad, wasn’t around because he had another family. So Sabrina was technically on her own. Trish had a boyfriend named Carlos for about 6 yrs. He abused Trish. In

this story, Carlos is the stepdad that treats Sabrina with respect. Now, Sabrina and Franklin were on and off. No one knew at home that Sabrina was in a relationship with Franklin because Sabrina would go out and meet up with Franklin outside of school. At home, Sabrina was still crushing on Mars. A weekend night at Roberta’s, Mars stayed over. Sabrina was still 12 years old in middle school. This night, Sabrina and Mars had planned for her to fall asleep on the couch. The room was dark, Mars was on the couch, and everyone else was upstairs in their room. So it’s silent; Sabrina wasn’t really asleep because she knew that she and Mars had a plan. He taps Sabrina to wake up and whispers for her to come over to the couch he’s on. Whispering, he asked, “You ever given oral pleasure before.?” She responded, “No, I’ve done nothing like that yet.” He said, “I’m gonna teach you.” “Okay,” Sabrina said. He made sure Sabrina was relaxed. He slides her panties off and gives her oral pleasure! Licking her pussy, with Sabrina silently enjoying this, her fingers here. He had nice-sized hands, so she feels everything in pleasure. Soaking his finger and lips with her wetness, he stops and tells Sabrina it is his turn. Led to his enormous penis with her mouth open, he teaches her how to give head explaining not to

use teeth and hiding them with her lips, using her tongue to glide and go up and down in a way to please him at this moment. Sabrina was thinking, all in love with this man, “what in the hell am I doing? What if we get caught? This is a bad idea,” This was what she thought. He lays her down on the couch with his hands on her back. He climbs on top of her, and in between her legs, he whispers, “Are you ready?” She says, “yes.” His hands on his penis glide to find the hole between her pussy lips. Slowly, he goes in. GASP! Omg, I see why they are fighting over him. This man is packing! Slowly he penetrates and hits a spot Sabrina doesn’t even know is there as orgasms approach.

Footsteps creak in the dark, coming from upstairs. He hops up. She quickly gathers herself while Mars is in the kitchen in the dark to get back to her couch. Roberta comes downstairs, headed into the kitchen, where Mars turns the light on. “What are you doing?” she asks Mars. “Getting something to drink,” he replied. She went back upstairs. Sabrina was on the couch and wondering if Roberta knew something was going on and waited till morning to go home. Last night Sabrina will never be the same. She was excited because it was Mars, and

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she saw no wrong in this. Let’s take this in for a minute. She didn’t understand her actions then; she was just doing what she wanted when she wanted. Nobody close to her knew, and nobody cared besides her best friend and Saturn. She just kept moving on. Sabrina was comfortable feeling this way because that’s what she knew. She embraced this and made it her identity without even knowing that later in her life, it would affect her in ways she did not know it would. This was who she thought she was, so the promiscuity began.

Trish and Carlos eventually broke up, and she ended up with a new boyfriend. Mind you, Sabrina and Franklin, her middle school boyfriend, were still on and off. Robert’s new boyfriend gave off negative vibes, and no one liked him. I almost took him as a white man because his complexion was very light. He was stock-built with enormous arms, and Sabrina really stayed out of the way. On occasional nights, Robert came into Sabrina’s room at night. Sabrina slept in her bra and panties with her door closed. He would come in quietly, and Sabrina wouldn’t make any movements so that he wouldn’t think she was asleep. She didn’t know what he would do if he knew she was awake. He would fondle her body and her vagina, to the point

of fingering her as well. This boyfriend eventually tried Saturn. One night, a busy night when Roberta’s brothers were over, Sabrina and Saturn didn’t want to go into the apartment while he was there, but Sabrina needed something. Now, Sabrina did share with her what Robert was doing so she could know it. Sabrina only told her. While Sabrina was getting something, he called Sabrina and Saturn into the kitchen. Sabrina didn’t care what he had to say and walked out. He actually ended up grabbing Saturn by her arm to try her in that way. Little did he know she would tell her brothers, which she did. He got jumped by her brothers, which sent him to the hospital. Trish was upstairs with Roberta and did not know what was going on. It came out of what he was doing to me, and Trish didn’t believe it. Eventually, they broke up.

Chapter 2: School life

How did people see you in school? Did you have a good name or a negative name? Who would’ve