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AUG. 2013

baysta bay stateparent Massachusetts’ Premier Magazine For Families Since 1996

TOUGH VERSUS SENSITVE: THE NEW PHILOSOPHY ON RAISING BOYS

SIBLING SQUABBLES HOW FAR IS TOO FAR? OUT WITH MCAS IN WITH COMMON CORE

School Back To

Fashions With Flair

Voted Best Parenting Publication in North America 2004, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2010 and 2012

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2013

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BAYSTATEPARENT 5

our special guest Camryn Hartigan Age: 6 Southborough

12

Captured by bellinipics.com

table

COWBOYS VS. NEW AGE

The philosophy of raising boys has shifted from being tough to recognizing and cultivating a boy’s sensitive side.

15

29

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Gear up for back to school with these fashions with a vintage flair.

Don’t miss these family friendly events in our extensive calendar.

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AUGUST 2013 • VOLUME 18 • NUMBER 4

in every issue

advertising directories

29 BACK TO SCHOOL FASHION WITH FLAIR

7 WELCOME 8 GUESTBOOK 10 JUNKDRAWERS

15 OH, THE PLACES YOU’LL GO 24 34 54 55 55

back to school 36 OBTAINING SPED SERVICES FOR YOUR CHILD 38 WHAT’S ON THE MENU? 40 FAIR FIGHT OR BLATANT BULLYING? New Research

JUST AROUND THE CORNER

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sneak peek SEPTEMBER

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PUBLICATION

New England Newspaper and Press Association

Local Media Association

in advertising and design

in North America

OCTOBER

12 COWBOYS VS. NEW AGE – Are Sensitive Men Winning?

NOVEMBER

46 BOSTON CHILDREN’S MUSEUM: The Power of Play Comes A Long Way

ARTS & EXTRACURRICULARS AND GRANDPARENTING PEDIATRIC HEALTH AND THE POWER OF PLAY WINTER DESTINATIONS AND THE HOLIDAYS

Massachusetts’ Premier Magazine For Families Since 1996

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Welcome When I was a kid, I used to love getting ready for school. It always meant new clothes, a new backpack and one of my favorite purchases: a new Trapper Keeper (one of the coolest inventions from the 1980s).

To me, it revolutionized threering binders and folders into one convenient, Velcro-sealing, very cool carry-all. As a student, I spent hours putting paper onto the rings, packing and unpacking pens, pencils and other essentials so I’d be ready to start a new year of school.

Not only did I love preparing for the first day of school, but I loved playing teacher at my desk in my bedroom. I practiced writing and correcting as I played the role of students and teacher, sometimes producing long feature stories. My imagination spun out of control weaving scenarios of adventure and hope. The first day of school was always filled with such anticipation and excitement of meeting a new teacher and new friends. It was a fresh start.

As a mom, the first day of school fills me with new excitement and

anticipation for my children. I love helping my kids get ready with their new school supplies and backpacks.

The first day walk to school crackles with the anticipation of all that is unknown. We take the first day of school photo, walk to school and see friends and neighbors along the way, knowingly feeling the connection of shared experiences. I always take a photo of my kids with their new teacher, too. This past year, I even remembered to take a photo on the last day of school to compare how much they’ve grown.

In this issue, Donna Morin writes about how school lunches are getting healthier and shares tips on what we can do to support our schools and encourage healthier lunch options.

Laura Richards shares tips from experts and families who have navigated the public schools in the hopes of getting the right Individualized Education Plan (IEP) to meet their children’s special needs. Some families have had great experiences while others have encountered obstacles advocating for their children.

A new study came out this summer focusing on sibling aggression and how parents can handle situations if they go too far.

Some media reports have equated the study on sibling aggression to bullying, though readers disagree on whether siblings actually bully each other. Some readers say they have seen bullying behaviors in their house and are looking for ways to curtail it. In the past, experts said that some parents have felt that sibling aggression was swept under the rug or was an expected rite of passage in families.

Research shows that depression and other side effects were present

while sibling aggression was happening. Whether it is called bullying or aggression, we share tips on how to stop it and make sure it doesn’t go too far.

Within the next few years, standardized testing will be changing as MCAS (the Massachusetts Comprehensive Assessment System) is transitioned out of the classroom. The state is replacing Massachusetts Curriculum Frameworks with the Common Core, which sets national learning standards. The new national standardized tests have gotten some criticism from around the state and the country.

Not only is it unclear what the test will be and how it will be administered, but some critics say that because Microsoft Founder Bill Gates has been funding grants to help states adopt Common Core, he may have influence over public school education across the country.

This month we also start a twopart series on new trends on raising boys and girls. Writer Doug Page focuses on how the philosophy of raising boys has changed from trying to toughen them up to embracing their sensitive side and individuality. Next month, we’ll be focusing on the challenges of raising girls.

As the long days of summer slowly come to an end, let’s savor them as we start preparing for the new school year! I hope you enjoy reading this issue! And as always you can reach out to me by emailing me with story ideas and letters to the editor.

Massachusetts’ Premier Magazine For Families

baystateparent publisher KIRK DAVIS interim associate publisher KATHY REAL 508-868-9293 sales@baystateparent.com

creative director PAULA MONETTE ETHIER 508-749-3166 x 351 baystateparent@holdenlandmark.com

editor JENNIFER LUCARELLI 508-749-3166 x 251 editor@baystateparent.com

graphic designer STEPHANIE MALLARD 508-749-3166 x 351 srenaud@holdenlandmark.com

senior account executive EMILY LAVOIE • 774-364-4178 emily@baystateparent.com account executive NELLIE LIMA • 774-364-5073 nellie@baystateparent.com account executive SHELLEY CAVOLI • 508-641-5702 shelley@baystateparent.com account executive AMY LeBLANC • 978-660-3227 amy@baystateparent.com

contributing writers TRACEY PROHASKA CARROLL KATHERINE JACANTE MARYJO KURTZ DONNA MORIN DOUG PAGE LAURA RICHARDS

Jennifer Lucarelli, editor

baystateparent 101 Water Street, Worcester, MA 01604

508-749-3166

Camryn Hartigan

www.baystateparent.com campguide.baystateparent.com

AGE 6, SOUTHBOROUGH

placed

I LINUVWGENERAL EXCELLENCE

What are you looking forward to next year in school in first grade? I am looking forward to working on “Word of the Week” projects.

What’s the best part of being 6? The best part of being 6 years old is that I am able

photographers BELINNIPICS.COM STEVEN KING illustrator JESSICA ROUX

presidents KIRK and LAURIE DAVIS

MEET THE COVER MODEL

How did you spend your summer vacation? I spent my summer vacation swimming in my pool at home and at Lake Winnepasaukee.

copy editor BRYAN ETHIER

in advertising and design

New England Newspaper and Press Association

bellinipics.com

to start reading my own books.

What was the photo shoot like?

Was it fun? It was fun making new friends and just being silly.

Who is the first person you will show the August baystateparent cover to? The first people to see the baystateparent cover will be my Mommy and Daddy.

voted

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in North America

Local Media Association

baystateparent Inc. is published monthly with a main office at 101 Water Street, Worcester, MA 01604 508-749-3166 Fax 508-749-3165 It is distributed free of charge throughout Massachusetts. www.baystateparent.com • info@baystateparent.com

BAYSTATEPARENT 7

GUESTBOOK We went today to Circus Smirkus, and it was awesome! My kids and I loved it, and we were so impressed by the talented young performers. Thank you for making it possible for us to see the show. We love baystateparent!

Great fully yours, Kelly Harris On behalf of the Board of Directors and the entire Worcester JCC, it is our pleasure to thank you for your sponsorship trade for the Worcester JCC’s presentation of Circus Smirkus.

Circus Smirkus was a great success.

Several thousand people attended four amazing performances at Wachusett Mountain on July 13 and 14.

Thanks to your support, we will be able to provide summer camp, early childhood and after school scholarships to over 125 children in the greater Worcester area this year.

We thank you for your dedication to our mission to serve the youth in our community.

Jody Fredman Special Projects Director Worcester JCC

Letters should be sent to editor@baystateparent.com and will be edited for clarity and length. Please include your full name and town for publication.

WINNERS: The following readers won a copy of Parental Guidance: Susan Doherty, of Westford Sarah Dickie, of Auburn

The following readers won a copy of Chasing Mavericks:

baystateparent would like to congratulate Senior Account Executive Emily Lavoie on her recent nuptials. Emily was married on June 30 at the Lord Thompson Manor in Thompson, Conn. It was a beautiful ceremony and wedding day! Congratulations Emily!

Jessica Flaherty, of Millbury Stephanie Cahoon, of Acton

Kelly Macjewski Nancy French Diane Diamond Kelly Harris Kathy Monahan

The following readers won a family four-pack of tickets to see Circus Smirkus at Wachusett Mountain: Rae Ann Snyder Christine Hotaling Michelle Montville Kristen Nason Odelle Kinder-Wells The Mercier Family Diane Smith

The following reader won Treetop Friends Bedding: Jennifer Sagotsky, of Somerville

bsp’s HOW TO LIST baystateparent is proud to offer

COMPLIMENTARY ADVERTISEMENTS

THE BRIDGE OF MASSACHUSETTS

to recognized not-for-profit organizations to promote their missions and events.

Preference is given to 501(c)3 organizations and organizations that support causes that are near and dear to us like children’s health and well-being, nutrition, special needs and adoption.

For more information, download our complimentary advertisement form at baystateparent.com. Go to contact then click advertise.

5K run/walk & Family Festival that includes Arts/ Crafts Vendor Fair, Kids Activities, Entertainment, Raffle & Food.

September 21, 2013 Beaver Brook Park, Worcester 10am to 2pm

TO ADVERTISE in baystateparent, call Associate Publisher Kathy Real at 508-868-9293 or email her at sales@baystateparent.com.

8 AUGUST2013

Check back weekly for new contests and giveaways. To enter, go to baystateparent. com and click giveaways for more details.

For more information about coordinating giveaways, contact Editor Jennifer Lucarelli at editor@baystateparent.com or call 508-749-3166, ext. 251.

Join us on facebook at facebook.com/baystateparent

FOR HELP IN FINDING A SPEAKER AND/OR LOCATION for your next parenting-oriented event, please contact Stephen Warshaw at stephen@baystateparent.com.

WE’D LOVE TO HEAR YOUR IDEAS FOR A STORY. To suggest or submit a story for baystateparent, please call Editor Jennifer Lucarelli at 508-749-3166, ext. 251 or email her at editor@baystateparent.com.

TO SUBMIT CALENDAR EVENTS go to baystateparent.com/ calendar/submit.

All calendar events must be submitted by the 5th of the previous month to be considered for the print calendar.

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BAYSTATEPARENT 9

JUNK DRAWERS A LITTLE LIT OF THIS, A LITTLE OF THAT

THE PERFECT PURSE shop and applied to be a crafter at the stART on the Street Festival in Worcester. A business was born!

LilaLu Bags specializes in tote bags, wristlets, and pouches made from high quality fabrics.

Find LilaLu Bags at Crompton Collective on Green Street in Worcester or visit LilaLu Bags’ shop at etsy.com/shop/lilalubags.

GRILLED CORN WITH ROASTED RED PEPPER BUTTER 6 ears of corn Roasted Red Pepper Butter ½ lb. softened butter 2 roasted red peppers 2 tbs. basil 3 cloves of roasted garlic 1 tbs. chili powder Pinch of salt and pepper Puree peppers and garlic. Add remaining ingredients. Pulse until mostly smooth.

Pull husk back and remove all of the hair.

Rub corn with ingredients. Pull husk back around corn. Grill corn for 8 to 10 minutes, turning frequently. *Recipe courtesy of wilsonfarm.com.

SON INSPIRES BOOK Boston native Paul Carafotes began his career with a starring role in 20th century fox film “Headin’ For Broadway.” He has performed in many roles including “Fight Club,” “All The Right Moves,” a series regular on “Knots Landing,” and “Damages.” When his son Charlie was born, Paul was inspired to write his first children’s book “The Adventures of Charlie Bubbles!”

Paul is currently on the “Bubble of Love” tour distributing his book and delivering the inspirational message of his book “to be helpful, loving and kind” to hospitals including Children’s Boston, Tufts, MGH and Children’s of Orange County.

The books are donated by celebrities including the late James Gandolfini, Joe Mantegna, David Fincher, Christopher McDonald and Tony Denison.

The second adventure, “Charlie Bubbles 2 Smartsville,” is due out in September 2013. For more information, visit charliebubblesbook.com.

Q&A

A couple of years ago, a 1970’s tote bag pattern and a love of fabric inspired the creation of LilaLu Bags. Ann-Marie Roche of Worcester learned how to sew when she was 8 years old, making doll clothes out of scrap fabric. In the fall of 2010 Ann-Marie started making tote bags as gifts for friends and family.

In the spring, Ann-Marie opened her LilaLu Bags Etsy

What are anti-bullying laws and how do they help stop bullying in schools?

In May 2010, Massachusetts passed the Bullying Prevention and Intervention Law. It defined the school and community’s legal responsibility regarding bullying and provides an opportunity to enhance efforts to prevent and stop bullying. School personnel, parents and community leaders started working together to ensure that every student is safe from bullying.

All children—no matter their race, creed, ethnicity, nationality, sexual orientation or physical or mental abilities—have an inherent right to an education free of any form of bullying. It is the school departments’ responsibility as adults to ensure this right.

To learn more about how your school handles bullying, contact your local school department. To learn tips about preventing bullying, see the story about sibling aggression and bullying on page 40.

— Kim Storey, eyesonbullying.org

FABRIC FINDS Remixed by Jacki thrives to pick the perfect on-trend fabrics and colors for our handmade products. Their goal is to provide you with hip, modern and fashionable accessories. Their items are easy to wear and will take any everyday outfit to the next level, making fashion easy!

Remixed by Jacki was born from a passion for fashion, pattern & design. After years of dreaming of a creative business, Jacki opened her online shop in January of 2011 and has never looked back. She is the wife to a wonderfully supportive husband and mom to two young boys.

The shop is also on Etsy, where Jacki finds inspiration and support for creative people like herself. She says she is lucky to be part of such a wonderful community.

For more information, visit remixedbyjacki.com or email remixed by jacki@ gmail.com.

Junkdrawers strives to highlight the products, people and places of Massachusetts. Have an idea? Email editor@baystateparent.com.

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Cowboys vs. New Age

– Are Sensitive Men Winning? by doug page

“Mamas, don’t let your (sons) grow up to be cowboys.”

That brave, lone, stoic, horse riding, brim-hatted man out on the Great Plains – once considered the epitome of a healthy, vigorous American man – is as outdated as the telegram and anyone who’s bringing up a boy based on a previous century’s standards will likely have a lonely son that is vulnerable to poor health.

“They’ll never stay home and they’re always alone.”

Today’s boys may struggle to forge and maintain personal and professional relationships not only with other men but also with women during their adult years, unless they understand their emotions and know how to express them.

“Even with someone they love.”

The strong, silent man – often romanticized in the movies – is not always a great life partner, especially 12 AUGUST2013

for today’s women because they tend to prefer men who can freely and unflinchingly express their inner most feelings and thoughts.

While Ed and Patsy Bruce, writers of that country music song quoted above, didn’t propose another way to bring up boys, other than making them “lawyers and doctors and such,” parents shouldn’t embrace “The Boy Code,” a false and harmful prophesy dictating that boys are tough and never feel emotional pain, says one Massachusetts psychologist.

In spite of their tendencies to outwardly display physical strength, even detachment when it comes to their setbacks, boys, experts say, often suffer deep, emotional pain in silence, feeling that it’s unacceptable – not boy-like – to openly share their grief.

They recommend parents, especially moms, teach their sons to freely share their emotions because it’ll help them grow into healthy adults, successful husbands, understanding fathers and better professional colleagues, and even better friends.

Mental health experts warn that consequences for young males, between the ages of 10 to 24, who never learn to understand and express their emotions, can be severe – potentially fatal.

The Statistics The Centers for Disease Control,

an arm of the U. S. Department of Health and Human Services, reports that the country’s third leading cause of death among people between the ages of 10 and 24 is suicide, more than 80 percent of them boys and young men.

Each year, the CDC says, there are about 4,600 self-inflicted deaths in this group, among them about 3,700 young males. The CDC also reports that annually in the United States there are about 160,000 young people – both male and female – between 10 and 24 years old receiving emergency medical care for attempting suicide.

“Many more females than males will attempt suicide,” says Barry Feldman, a University of Massachusetts Medical School psychologist, who, until recently, led the Massachusetts Coalition for Suicide Prevention.

“But males are more likely to use something more lethal.”

In Massachusetts, according to the latest numbers from the state’s Department of Public Health, there were 61 suicides in 2010 among boys and young men between the ages of 10 and 24, up from 38 self-inflicted deaths by this same group in 2009.

The reason for the increase is hard to determine but Dr. Feldman says it could be attributable to how local police and medical examiners investigate self-inflicted deaths.

“If it happened in a small town, it’s possible the police will rule the death as an accident,” Feldman

says. “Sometimes they go with what the family tells them, that their son didn’t suffer from depression and would never commit suicide.”

The U.S. Census Bureau’s 2010 Massachusetts population tally counted about 875,000 males between the ages of 5 and 24 and about another 854,000 females in the same age range, showing that suicide among this demographic group, while tragic, is rare among the Bay State’s young people.

One of the reasons that young people commit suicide, Dr. Feldman says, is brain development.

Young people’s brains, he says, don’t fully mature until they’re 25 years old, which can make it difficult for them to find solutions to their problems.

“Young people who are in trouble either academically or legally may perceive their issues as so big that they may think there’s no other way out (of the problem) other than suicide,” he says.

Warning Signs The signs that a boy or young man will attempt to take his own life include a feeling of helplessness, hopelessness and increased anxiety, Dr. Feldman says.

There’s no one problem that will make someone commit suicide, Dr. Feldman says.

“It’s a convergence of problems that cause suicide,” he says.

If a young person is acquiring the means to inflict harm on themselves, or they’re expressing it orally, in writing or in a drawing, then there’s reason to be concerned they might attempt to kill themselves, Dr. Feldman says.

“If they’re normally outgoing and then become more withdrawn, or they’re isolating themselves, that’s a warning sign,” he says. “If they’re normally withdrawn and then they’re suddenly outgoing that could be a sign too.”

“They’ve made a decision (to commit suicide),” Feldman added.

He also says that suicide is preventable.

“Educators, parents, teachers and coaches who are around kids need to pay attention to them, so they can figure out their baseline (for normal behavior) and know when something seems askew,” Dr. Feldman says.

He also says friends are vital.

“The research shows they’ll encourage the child not to commit suicide,” Dr. Feldman says. “They’ll contact a trusted adult (about their friend).”

He says young people should never feel like their “snitching” on a friend who appears to be mentally off balance but wants to keep their problems hidden, especially from their parents.

Dr. Feldman also says people are not suicidal forever.

“If they’re treated, it’s possible to make a recovery,” he says.

Dr. Feldman recommends parents become as involved as possible with their children.

“If they see something or hear something in their behavior that worries them, get help,” he says. “You (the parent) are not planting a seed for a kid to commit suicide if they’re already having suicidal thoughts.

“The seed has already been planted.

Solve the problem sooner – not later.

It’ll only become exacerbated,” he adds.

Who Saves Our Sons?

If there’s anyone uniquely qualified to help boys uncover, understand

and talk about their emotions, it’s their mothers.

Kate Stone Lombardi, author of a newly published book The Mama’s Boy Myth: Why Keeping Our Sons Close Makes Them Stronger says a mom with a strong relationship with her son, sometimes referred to as a “mama’s boy,” teaches that his feelings are natural, and, as a result, her son is often healthier than one with a more traditional and “macho” outlook about masculinity.

“The connection between close to mom and rejecting hyper-masculinity, which creates better mental health through middle school and beyond, cuts across all socioeconomic, racial and ethnic identities,” she writes.

Still, Lombardi says, ungrounded fears and thoughts about how boys grow sometimes restrain moms from establishing the very relationship

mother-son relationship, which some parents fear will develop if a mother retains a close relationship with her son.

“Freud was writing in 1899, when electricity was a novelty,” Lombardi says. “He wasn’t writing a parenting guide.”

“If a boy doesn’t feel pushed away by his mother, he’ll be a healthier young male and there’s less likelihood that he’ll commit suicide,” says Harvard Medical School Psychologist William Pollack. “The more likely they are to talk about their pain, the more likely an adult is going to do something about it, whether it’s seeking medical care or counseling.”

Dr. Pollack, author of the book Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood, says the key to bringing up healthy boys is to work against a term he developed – “The

their sons need with them.

“The unspoken fear of being a mama’s boy is that he’ll (become) gay or somehow she’ll feminize him,” she says. “(This fear) presumes that mom has the power to change their child’s sexual orientation,” she says. “The roots of sexual orientation are established in the womb, by the time the baby is born.”

Where did this fear come from?

“Gay men were often close to their moms,” Lombardi says. “It’s because they were rejected by their fathers.”

“Mom cannot re-write her son’s sexual orientation. Even (the famous psychiatrist Sigmund) Freud knew this,” Lombardi added.

For that matter, she says, “People do not worry about little girls who are close to their dads becoming lesbians.”

Another fear, which Lombardi says is unfounded, is Dr. Freud’s Oedipus complex, which describes an intimate

Boy Code” – which tells young males to be strong, brave and never show any feelings.

What is it about Moms and Sons?

“Boys and their fathers can be competitive,” says Jeannie Ensor, a Medfield mom with a teenage son and daughter, in college and high school, respectively. “It seems like all of that is removed in the mother-son relationship.

“Girls are always comparing themselves to their mothers and that doesn’t happen with a boy. There’s an easier relationship with moms and sons,” she added.

“I felt lucky in having two boys,” says Bonnie Brown, a nurse at Boston University. “I didn’t get any of that girl animosity that you can get with daughters.”

How Can You Get Boys to Talk?

“I try to do an activity with them and bring up issues while we’re doing the activity,” says Medfield mom Korinna Driscoll, who has three boys 9 years old and younger.

“He’ll create a reason to be alone with me,” says Jeannie of her teenage son. “He’ll say something like, ‘Let’s go to Marshalls,’ and it’s so we can talk privately.”

Sharon Keleher, a Westwood mom of two teenage boys, says she takes one of her sons skiing and backpacking so they can talk while her other son will open up when they’re out at a coffee shop.

“To be a good emotional connector, moms need to shut down the cell phone,” says Boston-based psychologist Anthony Rao. “They need to be whole in the moment.”

Dr. Rao, author of the book The Way of Boys: Promoting the Social and Emotional Health of Young Boys, says boys make an emotional connection, especially to their parents, through activities.

“Language isn’t that important for boys,” he says. “Moms should choose an activity based on the kind of boy they have to build that connection to their son.”

“What I find is important to boys is when they tell me mom kicked the soccer ball around with them,” Dr. Rao says. “They see a mature and stronger person playing with them, and they feel safe physically and emotionally.”

Westwood mom Laurie McDonald says when it comes to prodding her teenage son to talk, it’s important she’s true to herself, “because by sharing my feelings, I’m providing validity for how he feels,” she says.

At a recent conference about boys, hosted by the Jean Baker Miller Training Institute, part of Wellesley College, Dr. Pollack says the more moms empathize with their boys’ emotions – and not show any shame in what their sons say – then the more they will connect with their mothers.

Friends and Playtime New York University Psychologist Niobe Way, in her book Deep Secrets: The Hidden Landscape of Boys’ Friendships, writes that during her years as a high school counselor, she listened to boys telling her, “about who betrayed whom, who was a new close friend, who could and BAYSTATEPARENT 13

could not be trusted with their ‘deep secrets.’”

In other words, boys are just as emotionally connected to other boys as girls are with girls.

Laurie McDonald said her 11-year-old son has suffered breakups with boys he thought were his friends.

But her son, she says, will sometimes do what he calls a “do-over.” It’s an attempt by her son and another boy to restore their friendship.

As for playtime, Dr. Rao says, “Indoor, solitary, technology-driven play is bad for the boy brain.”

Outdoor play, he says, develops social skills because they’re forced –

often without knowing – to seek a compromise so everyone enjoys playing together.

The Mama’s Boy in the Office In the United States, about 72 million women are in the workforce and their numbers are expected to increase, the U.S. Department of Labor reports.

That means if today’s boys are to be successful in their careers, Kate Stone Lombardi suggests, they’ll need skills only mom can teach because tomorrow’s men, she writes, will enter an office “that values brains over brawn

… thinking and communication skills over physical power and stamina.”

The Harvard Business School, Lombardi writes, recognizing the high numbers of women in the workplace, recently added a course that develops students’ emotional intelligence and helps them learn how others see them.

“In other words, a course more oriented to traditionally female strengths,” Lombardi writes.

How can men best communicate with women?

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“If you imply we (women) are selfish, insensitive, thoughtless – anything in the realm of bitch – then you just lost the relationship,” says Daneen Skube, a Seattle-based communications expert who’s counseled corporate executives on ways to improve their communication skills.

“Let her know she’s generous, thoughtful, kind, and she’ll be his new best friend and ally,” she says.

Women, Dr. Skube says, need to understand men’s biggest fear is inadequacy while men need to know that women’s biggest fear is being considered mean.

“The new bravery is men sharing their feelings,” she says.

What is a Married Mama’s Boy Like?

“They treat their wives like they’re a million bucks,” says Boston University Nurse Bonnie Brown about her two adult sons and the relationship they have with their wives.

Korinna Driscoll says she married a “mama’s boy” in Kevin.

“On our first date, I noticed immediately he was the most mature guy I had been out with,” she says.

“He’s very respectful and comfortable around women.”

Korinna says Kevin’s three other brothers, like him, married strong women, three of whom are teachers.

“He’s a great father (to his three sons) and very responsive to what I say and very sensitive,” says Korinna about her husband.

Are marriages between younger people – who’ve been exposed to the notion that there’s no shame and stigma in expressing their emotions – different than ones between older people, perhaps even senior citizens?

“A lot of (marriage counseling) involves getting men to talk, getting them to communicate their feelings,” says Richard Rein, a Braintree marriage counselor. “Women also play a role so that when men are communicating, they’re being supportive of it and trying to draw them out.”

“Younger couples I see tend to be more expressive than older ones.

They’re more emotive than the older generation so the message is we’re seeing a gradual, slight change from older generations, but there’s still a lot of work to do,” he adds.

Doug Page is a freelance writer living with his wife and two children in Medfield.

Editor’s Note: This is the first of a two part series.

PLACES YOU’LL

GO

Congratulations! Today is your day. You’re off to Great Places! You’re off and away!

- dr. seuss

photo courtesy of old sturbridge village

OH, THE

GO TROTTIN’: The 131st Bolton Fair starts on Friday, Aug. 9 and ends on Sunday, Aug. 11 in Lancaster.

GO FLUTTER: Don’t miss the butterfly landing at the Franklin Park Zoo on Friday, Aug. 23.

photo courtesy of edaville.com

photo courtesy of bolton fair

photo courtesy of the franklin park zoo

GO PATRIOTS: Come to the largest military re-enactment of the Redcoats and Rebels at Old Sturbridge Village on Saturday, Aug. 3.

GO CHUG: The Day Out with Thomas is coming to Edaville in Carver on Saturday, Aug. 31.

BAYSTATEPARENT 15

open beginning at 4:30 p.m. with free admission.

Bring a picnic dinner to picnic under the stars, and explore the museums at night. Donations for the Acton Food Pantry will be gratefully accepted.

Sponsored by Hologic with additional support from Middlesex Savings Bank. discoverymuseums.org.

MELTDOWN WARNING: Before you pack up the mini-van, please confirm your destination. Although we’ve done our best to assure accuracy at press time, things can and do change…

16 AUGUST2013

photo courtesy of puppet showplace theatre

Adult Child Youth Member Non-Member Per Person

oh, the places you’ ll go

A C Y M NM PP

Come to the Puppet Showplace Theater in Brookline for the performance of “Squirrel Stole My Underpants” by Bonnie Duncan on Friday, Aug. 9.

1 thursday ONGOING Cinderella. Boston Opera Collaborative, Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, 44 Binney St., Boston. Giaochino Rossini’s combination of virtuosic melody and clever harmony come together in the classic operatic adaptation of one of the world’s most universal fairytales. Boston Opera Collaborative Artistic Director Andrew Altenbach makes his company conducting debut leading Grand Harmonie, a period ensemble that performs the works of classical and romantic composers on the instruments for which it was written. Join BOC and Grand Harmonie at the Strand Theatre in Dorchester August 1st-4th for the perfect summer entertainment for the whole family. Tickets start at $15. bostonoperacollaborative.org.

The Yankee Peddler by Brad Sur and Chris Monti. Puppet Showplace Theatre, 32 Station St., Brookline. Ever wanted to sing along with a sea shanty? Or dive deep into a fox’s den? Then join in for a whirlwind tour of New England’s lesser-known folklore where you’ll discover a giant sailor, a fashionable bear and the world’s largest wheel of cheese. Drawing from 300 years of stories, songs and local history, this show is a delight for audiences of all ages. Tickets are $12. web.ovationtix.com.

ONGOING Lego Club. Fitchburg Public Library, 610 Main St., Fitchburg. Create and build using the Lego Blocks that we provide. Don’t bring your own unless you are prepared to leave them.

Children must be accompanied by a parent or guardian. 3:30 to 4:30 p.m. Ongoing on Thursdays. fitchburgpubliclibrary.org.

Nature Crafts. The Children’s Museum in Easton, 9 Sullivan Ave., North Easton. Get in touch with Mother Earth at the Children’s Museum in Easton!

Children will have a blast making crafts with the materials that surround them every day. 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Admission is $7.50, members and children under 1 are free. childrensmuseumineaston.org.

Budding Scientists: Freshwater Fish of Massachusetts. EcoTarium, 222 Harrington Way, Worcester. Curious little explorers conduct simple, safe, science and nature experiments in the EcoTarium’s Budding Scientists program. Held on the first Thursday of every month, you and your child will learn basic scientific principles while having fun with hands-on activities. There are two identical sessions each month. Free with EcoTarium admission (A $14, C $8, $10 seniors 65+ and students with ID). 10:15 to 10:45 a.m. or 11 to 11:30 a.m. ecotarium.org.

Ponding in Canoes and Paddleboats.

EcoTarium, 222 Harrington Way, Worcester. Get a whole new outdoor perspective by venturing out onto the EcoTarium’s Lower Pond in a canoe or paddle boat. Paddle boats and canoes seat up to 4 people, depending on the size of the children. Each session on the water lasts 20 minutes. 1 to 3 p.m. Tickets are $5 per boat plus EcoTarium admission, free for members. ecotarium.org.

2 friday FREE & ONGOING Free Friday Night Fun. The Discovery Museums, 177 Main St. (Route 27), Acton. Join in for Free Friday Night Fun all summer!

From June 21 – August 30, both museums will be

FREE & ONGOING Arts on the Arcade.

Faneuil Hall, Boston. Arts on the Arcade offers a diverse range of visual and performing artistic expressions. Currently in its 11th year, Arts on the Arcade evokes a lively and festive European marketplace. Each year, juried selections of visual and crafts artists are given the opportunity to sell handmade crafts and artwork covering many different styles from jewelry to leather goods. The marketplace is complemented by local performing artists providing live entertainment from 3-7pm.

Ongoing through Aug. 30. cityofboston.gov/summer/ FREE Free Fun Fridays. Fuller Craft Museum, 455 Oak St., Brockton. Fuller Craft Museum will have a free family day with demos and hands-on craft activities for children and adults alike. Wood turning, weaving, story-telling–this will be an exciting day of discovery and fun! Free Fun Fridays is a program that includes 60 museums and cultural venues across Massachusetts. Each Friday this summer, there will be six venues open for free. 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. fullercraft.org.

FREE & ONGOING Krazy Days Annual Summer Festival. Middleborough Downtown, Center Middleboro. This is a street festival geared toward the development of community and the development of business through the shop local campaign. With live entertainment hourly, vendor booths, magic shows, Childrens’ games, food, train exhibit, Krazy Days is free to the public. Ongoing through Aug. 3. 508-946-0600.

Animals Winged and Wet Drop-in Day. Children’s Museum in Easton, 9 Sullivan Ave., Easton. Give a hoot about owls, hawks and vultures in a program presented by New England Reptile and Raptor at 10am. Their goal is to dispel myths and give scientific facts on wildlife. NE Reptile and Raptor use live reptiles and birds of prey for illustrative purposes to focus on educating children about their biology, physiology, and function in the ecosystem.

10 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. Free with admission. Admission is $7.50 per person, children under 1 are free. childrensmuseumineaston.org.

ONGOING Mashpee Summer Arts & Craft Festival. Mashpee Public Library Commons, Steeple Street, Mashpee. Over 75 Juried Craftsmen and women will display and sell their American made works including Fine Jewelry, Original Watercolors, One a Kind Handbags, Blown Glass, Lace, Pottery, Scarves, Quilting, Crystal Ornaments, Photography, Wall Hangings, Fiber Arts, Silk, Sea Salt Scrubs, Hand Made Soap, Folk Art, Custom Signs, Pine Cone Baskets, Folk Toys, Dried Floral, Oil Paintings, Felting, Turned Wood, Pet Treats, Doll Furniture, Clay, Fiber Arts, Gnomes, Pet Gifts, Nautical Shell Craft, Furniture, Driftwood, Recycled Lobster Rope Mats

3 saturday Family Movie Night. The Silverbrook Farm, 934 Main St., Acushnet. Come see a great farm family movie outside under the stars of Silverbrook Farm with our Summer Movie Series. This year our line-up includes: Aug. 3 – Charlotte’s Web; Sept. 7 – Home on the Range. Grab a blanket and the family and come see a show! Check the website for showtimes. thesilverbrookfarm.com.

Family Nautical Nights. Battleship Cove, 5 Water St., Fall River. Spend the night on a WWII battleship! Sleep in restored Navy bunks, eat meals “chow-line style” in the Officer’s Wardroom, and rise and shine to the sound of reveille. Guests will enjoy all-day admission, two delicious meals, and will have the opportunity to participate in shipboard activities. battleshipcove.org.

Forefather’s Family Day. National Monument to the Forefathers, Allerton Street (North side of Allerton Street), Plymouth. Bring the family and enjoy crafter’s tents, food trucks, entertainers, and more. At 8:00 pm (dusk), there will be an outdoor showing of Steven Spielberg’s award-winning film Lincoln. Noon to 10 p.m. plymouthma400.org.

Salem Maritime Festival. Salem Maritime National Historic Site, 160 Derby St., Salem.

Music, Demonstrations, Exhibits, and Children’s Activities will be available throughout the park and on Derby Wharf. The 2013 Salem Maritime Festival is hosted by Salem Maritime, your national park in Salem in cooperation with the Essex National Heritage Commission. noon to 4 p.m. 978-741-3252. nps.gov.

Redcoats & Rebels. Old Sturbridge Village, 1 Old Sturbridge Village Road, Sturbridge.

Old Sturbridge Village’s Redcoats to Rebels Revolutionary War re-enactment is the largest military re-enactment in New England, attracting more than 800 soldiers from 42 units portraying British, Hessian, Irish, Welsh, Scots, French, and Colonial troops.

Activities include mock battles with lots of musket, cannon and artillery demonstrations, fife and drum music, marching and drilling demonstrations, and an evening “Twilight Encampment,” where visitors can mingle with troops and chat around the campfires. 9:30 to 5 p.m. osv.org.

ONGOING Super-Saurus Saturdays.

EcoTarium, 222 Harrington Way, Worcester. Every Saturday, engage your curiosity in these interactive, dinosaurthemed, science programs, held in conjunction with the exhibit, DinoTracks.

DinoTracks starts where scientists first began studying dinosaurs (at their feet). Focusing on fossil discoveries, the exhibit engages visitors of all ages in trying out hands-on scientific study methods and getting down on the ground to put their new skills to work. Free with museum admission. Ongoing through Aug. 24. 2:30 to 3 p.m. ecotarium.org.

Medieval Hunting Animals. Higgins Armory Museum, 100 Barber Ave., Worcester.

Hunting and hawking were two of the main leisure activities for knights during the days of old. Discover how hunting was an active, even dangerous sport, and why it was seen as good training for war. Meet grey hounds and ferrets, and see a live Falconry show. 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. higgins.org.

4 sunday WEEI Supports PMC Patriot Place Kids Ride. Patriot Place, Gillette Stadium, 2 Patriot Place, Foxboro. Children ages 3-14 are welcomed to ride in the PMC Kids Rides on Sunday, August 4 from 9 a.m. to 11 a.m. The registration fee for this ride is $10. In order to ride, participants must raise a minimum of $25. 9 to 11 a.m. weei.com.

PAWLAK

LAW OFFICE and Mediation Center

DIVORCE MEDIATION Maintain Direction of Your Family’s Future 27 Years Combined Experience Mediation ✦ Family Law ✦ Estate Planning Personal Injury ✦ Criminal Law

photo courtesy of the ecotarium

and much more. Enjoy Specialty Food sampling of Herbal Dips, Jams, Jellies, Gourmet Cookies, Organic Trail Mixes, Hot Sauces, Gourmet Lemonade, Philly Style Pretzels and more.

Ongoing through Aug. 4. Friday and Saturday, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., and Sunday 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. castleberryfairs.com.

Don’t miss the Birds of Prey at the Ecotarium in Worcester on Sunday, Aug. 11.

FREE & ONGOING Free Summer Trolley to Hyannis Museums. HyArts Cultura District, Main Street, Hyannis. Ride on the FREE summer trolley from 11AM to 9PM with stops along Main Street, Hyannis Harbor and Hyannis museums.

You don’t need to be at a designated stop, just flag it down and hop on board. hyartsdistrict.com.

Family Kayak Tour. Little Bridge, State Beach, Oak Bluffs. Explore the Island’s wildlife and beaches while learning skills in an exciting environment. Equipment, Guides, and snack provided. Many of the guests are first time paddlers. The tours accommodate all levels of skill and ability. Before each kayak tour there is an instructional session to familiarize you with your equipment and paddling techniques. You will then have the opportunity to practice your new skills on the tour with a game of Kayak Ultimate Frisbee! 10 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. islandspiritkayak. com/tours/

5 monday ONGOING The birds are back! Masters of Flight: Birds of Prey Show. Stone Zoo, 149 Pond St., Stoneham. Masters of Flight: Birds of Prey features bird species from around the world, including a bald eagle, a red-legged seriema, a king vulture, a Eurasian eagle owl and a black vulture, in this engaging, memorable and educational experience for visitors of all ages. These birds will fly in from overhead and demonstrate natural behaviors including unique survival techniques and food foraging, as well as specialized physical adaptations. Ongoing through Labor Day. stonezoo.org.

ONGOING Hurts, Hang-ups & Habits Support Group. Crossroads Community Church, 1342 Edgell Rd., Framingham. The group meets

FREE! 3 $ $

Souvenir Cup of Animal Feed.

Expires 8/31/13.

Not Valid with offer Discounts or Packages. BSP8

978-345-5132

515 Main Street, Fitchburg, MA 01420

✦

Flexible Appointments Available

©2013 Davis Farmland

BAYSTATEPARENT 17

oh, the places you’ ll go each Monday night at 6:30pm, though there is no commitment. You are not alone in your struggles.

The meetings are free of charge and open to everyone. 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. Ongoing through March 2014. meetup.com/CelebrateRecoveryMetroWestBoston/

6 tuesday Storytime. Fitchburg Public Library, 610 Main St., Fitchburg. Stories, music and movement for all ages. 10:30 to 11:30 a.m. fitchburgpubliclibrary.org.

ONGOING MotherWoman Postpartum Group: This is Harder Than I Thought.

MotherWoman Office, 220 Russell St., Route 9, Hadley. Join mothers for a free, safe, confidential drop-in group. For mothers of infants and babies up to one year old who are experiencing a challenging postpartum time.

Expectant mothers welcome. Feel heard, valued, understood, nurtured and energized. Free childcare up to five years old. 10 a.m. to noon.

Runs year round. motherwoman.org.

Ice Cream and...Bats. Broadmoor Wildlife Sanctuary 280 Eliot St. (Route 16), Natick.

What’s better than ice cream on a summer night?

18 AUGUST2013

Why not add a little fun outdoor exploration?

Join the adventure as you look for flashing fireflies, listen for the songs of frogs and katydids and use a “bat detector” to find local bats. 7:30 to 9 p.m. Pre-registration is required. massaudubon.org.

ONGOING Alice’s Wonderland: a most curious adventure. EcoTarium, 222 Harrington Way, Worcester. Journey down the rabbit hole to explore Alice’s Wonderland. This award-winning traveling exhibition is based on Lewis Carroll’s classic, “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.” The exhibition inspires curiosity, encourages exploration, and helps make the unknown more familiar, maybe even logical, and certainly fun. Alice’s Wonderland was created by the Children’s Discovery Museum of San Jose.

Free with museum admission. Ongoing through Sept. 8. ecotarium.org.

7 wednesday ONGOING Wicked. Boston Opera House, 539 Washington St., Boston. Back by “Popular” demand. Winner of 35 major awards, including a Grammy® and three Tony® Awards, WICKED is Broadway’s biggest blockbuster, a cultural phenomenon and was named “the defining musical of the decade” by The New York Times.

Long before that girl from Kansas arrives in Munchkinland, two girls meet in the land of Oz.

One - born with emerald green skin - is smart, fiery and misunderstood. The other is beautiful, ambitious and very popular. Ongoing through Sept.

15. Tickets start at $33. boston.broadway.com.

Sand Sculpture Contest. South Beach, Right Fork, Edgartown. Bring your family and join us on Edgartown’s South Beach for the annual Sand Sculpture Contest. 9 a.m. edgartownboardoftrade.com.

Young at Art: A Mighty Wind. Cape Ann Museum, 27 Pleasant St., Gloucester. For children 3 to 5 years of age with their caregiver, includes an introduction to the Museum, a story and an art activity. This is an hour long program and is free for Museum members or with admission. Reservations are required. Please call Liza Browning at (978) 283-0455 x16. 10 to 11 a.m. capeannmuseum.org.

ONGOING Summer of Love Concerts. Onset Bay Association, 4 Union Ave., Onset. Once again the Summer of Love Concerts will be held from 6:30pm to 9:30pm on Wednesday nights. The concerts will run through to August 28th. Come and enjoy the great line-up of bands that has been put together to make the summer of 2013 one to remember! Ongoing through Aug. 28. onsetvillage.org.p8.hostingprod.com/calendar.

Preschool & Toddler Wednesdays.

EcoTarium, 222 Harrington Way, Worcester.

Join in every week for our special preschool and

toddler program. Enjoy a story, meet a live animal and get creative with a supervised craft activity -- all geared especially for little ones aged 3 and under. These preschool and toddler programs are very popular and space is limited. So, while they are free with admission, tickets are issued at the Ticket & Information Desk on a first-come, firstserved basis. 10:30 to 11 a.m. ecotarium.org.

CastleKids StoryHour. Higgins Armory Museum, 100 Barber Ave., Worcester. From damsels in distress to mighty dragons, join us on the first Wednesday of every month as we share tales of adventure, from well-known fairy tales to modern picture books in the setting of our medieval Great Hall. Great for ages 3 to 5. $12 for adult w/ one child ($8 for museum members).

Includes admission, program with craft related to the story, and a snack. higgins.org.

8 thursday Needle Felted Gnomes. Artbeat The Creativity Store, 212A Mass Ave., Arlington. Soft, colorful, and irresistibly cute, these quirky little characters take on a life of their own! In this workshop we’ll use all-natural dyed wool and special needle felting tools to create a one-of-a-kind gnome to bring home for a nature table or give as a charming gift to a friend. Class is $25 per person and includes all materials, along with light refreshments. Open to adults, teens, and children

10 and older with a participating adult. Call 781-646-2200 to reserve your space. 7 to 9 p.m. artbeatonline.com.

FREE Neighborhood Nights. Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum, 280 The Fenway, Boston.

Everyone’s invited to the Gardner Museum for three FREE summer evenings of art, music, and fun—especially for our neighbors from the Fenway, Mission Hill, Roxbury, Jamaica Plain, and Dorchester. Families welcome! Each evening features a different theme that blends live music and storytelling with hands-on artmaking activities and special self-guided tours for all ages. 5 to 9 p.m. gardnermuseum.org.

Petting Zoo. The Children’s Museum in Easton, 9 Sullivan Ave., North Easton. Lions, tigers, and bears, oh my! Well, not really, but rest assured that if you visit the Children’s Museum in Easton from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. your day will be chock full of cool, cute and very pet-able animals!

This Summer Drop-in Day will be packed full of little animal activities! Admission is $7.50 per person, members and children under 1 are free. childrensmuseumineaston.org.

ONGOING Peter Pan. The Colonial Theatre, 111 South St., Pittsfield. Join Peter, Wendy, John and Michael on an adventure to Never Land!

This classic tale of pirates, fairies, mermaids and lost boys, filled with beloved songs such as “Never Never Land,” “I Won’t Grow Up,” and “I’m Flying,” will have audiences of all ages believing

in magic. All you need is some happy thoughts and pixie dust and away you will fly to Never Land at The Colonial Theatre. Tickets start at $15.

Ongoing through Aug. 18. http://bit.ly/17s0DYI. ONGOING Les Miserables. Robinson Theater, 617 Lexington St., Waltham. The celebrated Tony and Oscar-winning musical makes its longawaited Reagle debut in a sumptuous and exciting new production! Tickets start at $37. Ongoing through Aug. 18. reaglemusictheatre.org.

9 friday Alice in Wonderland. North Shore Music Theatre, 62 Dunham Rd., Beverly. When Alice leaves behind Dinah, her kitten, and follows that strange White Rabbit, she gets more adventure than she could ever have dreamed! There’s the Duchess and her Pepper Soup, a baby that turns into a pig, the Queen of Hearts (who’s rather cross!) and a Cheshire Cat who keeps leaving his smile behind! Kaleidoscope Children’s Theatre’s musical adaptation of this Lewis Carroll classic is a great favorite with something for everyone! Join Alice in the wild and wacky world of Wonderland - you’ll find a smile that will follow you home! 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. Tickets start at $9. nsmt.org.

ONGOING Butterfly Landing. Franklin Park Zoo, 1 Franklin Park Rd., Boston. When Butterfly Landing reopens for the season,

guests will once again have the opportunity to stroll through this tranquil environment filled with nearly 1,000 free-flight butterflies. This tented, outdoor exhibit also features several garden beds, a waterfall and pond, and soothing surround-sound music. This seasonal exhibit is free with paid admission and will be open through mid-September. A $17, C $14, Seniors $11, children under 2 free. zoonewengland.org.

ONGOING Squirrel Stole My Underpants

by Bonnie Duncan. Puppet Showplace Theatre, 32 Station St., Brookline. Sylvie is sent to the backyard to hang up the laundry. The moment her back is turned, a mischievous squirrel steals her favorite piece of clothing and runs off. When Sylvie gives chase, an entire world emerges from her laundry basket, and curious characters show her the way through mysterious lands. Will the lonely heroine rescue her underpants and discover the magic within herself? Join in on this adventure to find out! Ongoing through Aug. 10. puppetshowplace.org.

ONGOING The 131st Bolton Fair. 318 Seven Bridge Road, Lancaster. Enjoy great attractions such as the pig races, the Lumber Jack Show, Demolition Derby and Monster Trucks will be part of the festivities this year. Kid’s Country, The Old MacDonald’s Farm petting zoo, livestock exhibits, midway rides and lots of animals provide fun for kids. Great fair food, shopping, crafters, exhibits, farmers’ market are here for your enjoyment

oh, the places you’ ll go as well. Awesome entertainment in the form of bands, fiddlers and acoustical performances. The horse and oxen pull and tractor pulls are here too. 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. Ongoing through Aug. 11.

Tickets are A $10, Seniors $6, C $5 (7-12 year olds), under 6 free. boltonfair.org.

Tie Dye Drop-in 2. The Children’s Museum in Easton, 9 Sullivan Ave., North Easton. Get groovy again. Visit the Children’s Museum in Easton for some summer tie dye fun from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. You can tie dye a t-shirt or other clothing that you think needs a splash of color.

Feel free to bring your own white t-shirt or you can purchase one from the museum for $5. For those who want to enjoy a sweet treat while tie dying visit the museum between noon to 2 p.m. while the Mix 104.1 crew will be handing out free ice cream! Admission is $7.50 per person, members and children under 1 are free. childrensmuseumineaston.org.

All Hands Drumming. The Children’s Museum in Easton, 9 Sullivan Ave., North Easton. Don’t miss a beat! Visit the Children’s Museum in Easton and find your rhythm from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m.

Master drummer Tony Fonseca plays a continuous heart-pounding beat and encourages visitors to play along in his drum circle and explore this rhythm through creative movement. Admission is

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learning disorders, and others. Run by licensed therapist, the group provides support, reources, companionship and a place to experience hope. It is open and free to anyone. Ongoing through June 8, 2014. allsaintswhitman.com.

photo courtesy of buttonwood zoo

Birds of Prey. EcoTarium, 222 Harrington Way, Worcester. Learn about the several species of raptors that reside at the EcoTarium, including bald eagles, hawks, and owls, in this live animal demonstration. Then get up close -- and even touch -- a living bird of prey. 1:30 to 2:30 p.m. $3 per person plus EcoTarium admission. ecotarium.org.

Come to Zoo Nights at the Buttonwood Zoo in New Bedford on Friday, Aug. 23.

$7.50 per person, members and children under 1 are free. childrensmuseumineaston.org.

10 saturday ONGOING Blue Man Group. The Charles Playhouse, 74 Warrenton St., Boston. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s new.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cool. Blue Man Group has updated the wildly popular theatrical show in Boston! Taking a closer look at the technology that both surrounds and isolates us, Blue Man Group showcases technogeek ingenuity while uniting the audience in primal, collective exhilaration. Signature Blue Man Group moments combine with breathtakingly fun new pieces for an explosive evening of entertainment. Ongoing through Sept.

29. Tickets start at $49. blueman.com.

DinoTracks. EcoTarium, 222 Harrington Way, Worcester. The hunt for dinosaurs begins!

Step into their footprints, hear and feel their footsteps and come face-to-face with some of the dinosaurs who made them. DinoTracks starts where scientists first began studying dinosaurs (at their feet). Focusing on fossil discoveries, the exhibit engages visitors of all ages in trying out hands-on scientific study methods and getting down on the ground to put their new skills to work. Engage your curiosity about dinosaurs in Super-Saurus Saturdays, a weekly interactive, science program held every Saturday at 2:30 p.m. Free with admission. A $14, C $8, Seniors $10. ecotarium.org.

11 sunday ONGOING Parent Support Group. 44 Park Ave., Whitman. Parent support group for families of children with diagnosis like ADHD, anxiety, bi-polar, Aspergers, OCD, ADD, eating and

10AM Free Arts/Snacks 11AM Free Stage Show 12PM Free Trolley Rides 5ROLH 3ROLH *XDFDPROH )XQLNL -DP <R <R 3HRSOH 0DUFXV *DOH 3HWHU 3DQLF -XJJOHU 7KH $LUERUQH &RPHGLDQV

www.lowellsummermusic.org 20 AUGUST2013

12 monday Pre-Engineering with LEGOÂŽ Ages: 5 to 7. Glenwood Community Center, 56 Glenwood Rd., Rutland. Let your imagination run wild with over 100,000 pieces of LEGOÂŽ! Build engineer-designed projects such as boats, bridges, mazes and motorized cars, and use special pieces to create your own unique design!

Explore the endless creative possibilities of the LEGOÂŽ building system with the guidance of an experienced Play-Well instructor. This is an ideal way to prepare young builders for the challenge of Engineering FUNdamentals. 9 a.m. to noon. play-well.org.

ONGOING Planetarium Shows. Springfield Science Museum, 21 Edwards St., Springfield.

What is that youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re seeing in the sky at night? With the planetarium stars as the backdrop, find out how to locate and identify celestial objects, planets, and constellations as the seasons change. Tickets are A $3 and C $2 plus general museum admission.

13 tuesday FREE 4th Annual â&#x20AC;&#x153;Kids Helping Kidsâ&#x20AC;?

Complimentary Movie. Elms Cinema, 35 Elm Ct., Millbury. Celebrity Readers, a Millbury Public Access Childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s program provides a free family friendly movie. Children are encouraged to bring a non-perishable food item to feed another kidâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s body or a childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s book to feed another kidâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mind. Everything is delivered

the same day to a local Food Pantry. (plus Stickers and Bookmarks for everyone and doorprizes). 11 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. celebrityreaders/ millburypubliclibrary.

FREE & ONGOING Free Summer General Admission. Worcester Art Museum, 55 Salisbury St., Worcester. â&#x20AC;&#x153;One of our biggest priorities is to make the Worcester Art Museum more accessible to the community and the world. Free admission during the months of July and August provides access to all. We hope to deliver the message to the community that we welcome and encourage everyone to experience all that the Museum has to offer.â&#x20AC;? - Matthias Waschek, WAM Director. Ongoing through Aug. 31. worcesterart.org.

DinoTracks. EcoTarium, 222 Harrington Way, Worcester. See Aug. 10 listing for details.

14 wednesday The Bugtown Follies by The Robert Rogers Puppet Company. Puppet Showplace Theatre, 32 Station St., Brookline. Take an up-close look at the insect world like youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve never seen before! â&#x20AC;&#x153;Bugtown Folliesâ&#x20AC;? is a hilarious vaudeville pageant hosted by Master of Ceremonies Bugsby Berkeley, a grasshopper extraordinaire. Acrobatic ants, tap-dancing spiders and butterfly beauty contestants are clowning around and turning the bug world upside-down in The Bugtown Follies. Ongoing through Aug. 17. Tickets are $12. web.ovationtix.com.

MOMS Club of Dudley & Webster. 303 Treasure Island Road, Webster. It is a great organization dedicated to providing support for stay-at-home and work-at-home moms as well as moms who are employed outside of the home part time. They have monthly meetings, play dates, field trips, jam sessions and more! They also provide support for moms during times of crisis. Come join in and make some new friends!

Monthly on every second Wednesday. sites. google.com/site/momsclubofwebsterdudleyma/ Preschool & Toddler Wednesdays.

EcoTarium, 222 Harrington Way, Worcester.

The Willard House & Clock Museum North Grafton, MA October 6-November 17, 2013 Wednesday through Sunday, 10-4 Experience an unprecedented exhibit of nearly three dozen early American musical and chiming clocks. These mechanical marvels will afford the visitor an opportunity to hear the popular music of our ancestors, just as it was played two hundred years ago.

Made prior to 1830 and housed in the finest early American cabinetry, some have been silent for decades and never exhibited to the public.

This project will culminate in two books on early American musical clocks and their music. An exhibit catalog will be available. www.willardhouse.org â&#x20AC;˘ 11 Willard St., N. Grafton, MA â&#x20AC;˘ 508-839-3500 Guest Curators Gary R. Sullivan, Katie Van Winkle Keller

15 thursday Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. Peabody Essex Museum, East India Square (161 Essex St.), Salem. A somewhat clumsy inventor and his pet monkey create a machine that turns water into food. Now all the residents of town can order any food they want. Sounds great, right? What could go wrong? For children 5 and up. pem.org.

Science Magic with the Boston Museum of Science Traveling Show. Fitchburg Public Library, Garden Room, 610 Main St., Fitchburg.

How do magic tricks work? Learn how some of them work. 2 to 3 p.m. fitchburgpubliclibrary.org.

16 friday Circle of Moms: We Are All In This Together. Community Action Family Center, 90 Federal St., Greenfield. Join mothers for a free, safe, confidential drop-in group for mothers of infants and babies who are experiencing a challenging postpartum time. Expectant mothers welcome. Feel heard, valued, understood, nurtured and energized. Free childcare up to four years old. Runs year-round except during December, February, and April school vacation weeks. motherwoman.org.

FREE Free Fun Friday. Springfield Museums, 21 Edward St., Springfield. Thanks to a grant from the Highland Street Foundation, general admission is free to everyone–a perfect time to introduce your friends to the Springfield Museums. springfieldmuseums.org.

17 saturday Sandala. Artbeat The Creativity Store, 212A Mass Ave., Arlington. Their version of sand mandalas – Sandalas – are permanent. In this workshop, participants will learn interesting ways to work with sand to make their very own version of a mandala. With the guidance of the workshop leader, participants will learn to vine, spread, stitch, peak, and circle, all using sand. Brand new colors that have never been used in the Artbeat studio will be offered to create a mandala that is vibrant and truly one of a kind. $25 for the workshop. 6 to 8 p.m. artbeatonline.com.

Textile Weekend: Clothing. Old Sturbridge Village, 1 Old Sturbridge Village Road, Sturbridge. Each year, Old Sturbridge Village explores a different aspect of 19thcentury textiles. Past topics have included quilting, needlework, and women’s domestic textile production. Tour the “Trimmed to Taste” exhibit in the Firearms & Textiles building and explore the different accessories worn in the early 1800s. Attend bonnetmaking and dress-making demonstrations.

Find out more about the expanding availability of ready-made clothing in early New England villages. osv.org.

photo courtesy of king richard’s faire

Join in every week for our special preschool and toddler program. Enjoy a story, meet a live animal, and get creative with a supervised craft activity -- all geared especially for little ones aged 3 and under. These preschool and toddler programs are very popular and space is limited.

So, while they are free with admission, tickets are issued at the Ticket & Information Desk on a firstcome, first-served basis. Please note that these programs are designed for families. Free with museum admission. A $14, C $8. ecotarium.org.

ONGOING Super-Saurus Saturdays.

EcoTarium, 222 Harrington Way, Worcester. See Aug. 3 listing for details.

18 sunday FREE Sundays At Stony Brook. Stony Brook Wildlife Sanctuary, 108 North St., Norfolk. Take a Stony Brook Sunday stroll in search of birds, turtles, frogs, plants, and other natural wonders in the company of a Volunteer Naturalist. Or join the Naturalist on the observation deck for a peek through the spotting scope. 1 to 3 p.m. Registration not required. massaudubon.org.

19 monday Seashore Discovery. Felix Neck Wildlife Sanctuary, Felix Neck Dr., Edgartown. Meet amazing creatures of the sea! Take a short walk through the forest to a protected beach, where you will explore shallow waters with dip nets and use a large seine net to catch fish, crabs and other pond wildlife. Wear clothes and shoes that can get wet and don’t forget your hat, sunscreen and mosquito repellent. 10 to 11:30 a.m. A $6m/$9nm, C $6m/$9nm. Registration is not required. massaudubon.org.

The King Richard’s Faire is scheduled for Saturday, Aug. 31 in Carver.

Sanctuary, 1417 Park St., Attleboro. Join in and research how solar energy works with hands on games and activities. You’ll learn about the solar panels that were installed fall 2010 at Oak Knoll. Learn how sunlight is turned into energy and electricity. You’ll build our own solar powered cars! 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. C $20m/$25nm.

Registration is required. massaudubon.org.

FREE Neighborhood Nature at Elm Park.

Elm Park, Worcester. Drop in anytime for activities, crafts, stories, and nature walks. Take a break from the playground to learn about the plants and animals that can be found in Worcester through hands-on projects and games. 1 to 4 p.m.

Registration not required. massaudubon.org.

20 tuesday 22 thursday Cats the Musical. North Shore Music Theatre, 62 Durham Rd., Beverly. Written by famed composer Sir Andrew Lloyd Weber and based on T.S. Eliot’s ‘Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats,’ this long running musical remains a favorite with audiences nationwide. Cats tells the story of the Jellicles, a tribe of cats who assemble for their annual junkyard ball where they announce the cat that will be reborn. As time has proven, Cats is truly now and forever. Ongoing through Sept. 1.

Tickets start at $45. nsmt.org.

21 wednesday Super Science Wednesday: Solar Energy/ Make a Solar Car. Oak Knoll Wildlife

Gooey, Gloppy, Messy Science. Oak Knoll Wildlife Sanctuary, 1417 Park St., Attleboro.

Children will participate in interactive science experiments with gooey, gloppy ingredients which they’ll love! There is sure to be lots of giggles and squeals as they make slimy, squishy creations. They’ll learn about the gooey, gloppy mess makers in the natural world on our trail exploration. 10 to 11:30 a.m. C $10m/$12nm.

Registration is required. massaudubon.org.

23 friday FREE Free Fun Fridays. New Bedford Whaling Museum, 18 Johnny Cake Hill, New Bedford. The New Bedford Whaling Museum is participating in the 5th annual Free Fun Fridays

program sponsored by the Highland Street Foundation, and will open its doors at no cost to visitors all day long. Free Fun Fridays is a program that includes 60 museums and cultural venues across Massachusetts. Each Friday this summer, there will be six venues open for free. 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. whalingmuseum.org.

Zoo Nights. Buttonwood Zoo, 425 Hawthorn St., New Bedford. Zoo Nights are designed to offer families an opportunity to enjoy the Zoo on cool summer nights. Enjoy animal encounters, entertainment, and children’s activities. 5:30 to 8 p.m. A $6m/$10nm, C $3m/$6nm. bpzoo.org. $5 Friday. Old Sturbridge Village, 1 Old Sturbridge Village Road, Sturbridge. Thanks to the generous support of Southbridge Credit Union, Old Sturbridge Village is pleased to roll back its admission prices to just $5 for visitors on selected dates throughout the summer. The special $5 price applies to adults, seniors and youth ages 3-17 (children 2 and under are free). $5 admission tickets can be purchased at the door on the day of the event (no online advance sales available). osv.org.

24 saturday ONGOING Ashland Farmers’ Market. 125 Front St., Ashland. The market will feature 25-plus tents of farmers, bakers, specialty food makers, and local artisans. New additions include ice cream, lobster rolls, vegetarian sandwiches, and food trucks. Live music will be performed by the Railroad House Band, 10:30 am-12 pm noon.

At the Kid’s Corner, there will be nature art with BAYSTATEPARENT 21

a wind quintet from the BSO in a program entitled, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Musical Storytelling.â&#x20AC;? Tickets are $10.

2:30 to 4:30 p.m. bso.org.

oh, the places youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; ll go Suzie Meeker, 9:30-11:00 am. WildKat Hoops returns for the 2nd year kick-off to encourage young and old to work those hips and keep hula hoops swinging. 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. Ongoing through Oct. 19. ashlandfarmersmarket.org.

25 sunday

Jack and the Beanstalk by Dream Tale Puppets. Puppet Showplace Theatre, 32 Station Street, Brookline. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Jack and the Beanstalkâ&#x20AC;? is a joyous, original adaptation of the classic tale about poor Jack who went to sell his cow for three magic beans and out-witted a boy-eating giant. Jackâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s daring adventure up the huge beanstalk helps him and his mother out of their difficult financial situation, even if his mother is a bit worried about the moral issues surrounding this unusual way to acquire wealth. Tickets are $12. web.ovationtix.com.

FREE & ONGOING Ocean Air Markets.

Aselton Park, Corner of Ocean and South Streets, Hyannis. Contemporary artisan market featuring handcrafted items, apparel, accessories, jewelry, specialty foods and more. Ongoing through Sept.

29. 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. hyartsdistrict.com.

Tanglewood Family Concert. Boston Symphony Orchestra, Tanglewood: Seiji Ozawa Hall, 297 West St., Lenox. The Family Concert at Tanglewood is supported by a gift from the James A. Macdonald Foundation. The concert will feature

The Art of Eric Carle: Feathers, Fins, and Fur. The Eric Carle Museum of Picture Book Art, 125 West Bay Rd., Amherst. Eric Carleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s love of nature is legendary. To recognize this passion, the Carle is organizing a selective survey of works exploring his interest in animals. On view will be a host of animals who have populated his books.

In addition to finished collages, there will be preliminary works including pencil studies that underscore Carleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s meticulous study of his subject.

10 a.m. to 4 p.m. carlemuseum.org.

Aliceâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Wonderland: a most curious adventure. EcoTarium, 222 Harrington Way, Worcester. See Aug. 6 listing for details.

first-come, first-serve basis. Trips are 10 a.m., 12 p.m., and 2 p.m. bostonharborislands.org.

27 tuesday Butterfly Landing. Franklin Park Zoo, 1 Franklin Park Rd., Boston. See Aug. 9 listing for details.

Summer in the City Family Shows Rindge Field - across from 143 Pemberton St., Cambridge.

Join the Cambridge Arts Council for the annual Summer in the City. Each summer Cambridge parks come alive with music, dance, storytellers, theatrical performances, puppetry, arts & crafts, movies and more! 10 a.m. 617-349-4380.

MotherWoman Postpartum Group: This is Harder Than I Thought. MotherWoman Office, 220 Russell St., Route 9, Hadley. See Aug. 6 listing for details.

our boat trips, this one is the most suitable for preschoolers, as well as older children. 10 a.m. to noon. A $37m/$43nm, C $25m/$35nm.

Registration is required. massaudubon.org.

Preschool & Toddler Wednesdays.

EcoTarium, 222 Harrington Way, Worcester. See Aug. 7 listing for details.

29 thursday Lego Club. Fitchburg Public Library, 610 Main St., Fitchburg. See Aug. 1 listing for details.

Fledglings. Blue Hills Trailside Museum, 1904 Canton Ave., Milton. Explore nature with your child. Fledglings encourages your childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s love for nature through interactive stories, short nature lessons, crafts, songs, nature walks, and live animal encounters. A light snack will be provided. 10:30 a.m. to noon. A $5m/$8nm, C $9m/$12nm.

Registration is required. massaudubon.org.

26 monday 28 wednesday 30 friday FREE Kayaking at Spectacle Island. 66 Long Wharf, Boston. Join in for a short paddle in the waters surrounding Spectacle Island in Boston Harbor while learning more about the island itself! These outings are intended for beginner sea kayakers, ages 12 and up. The trips are both weather- and staff-dependent and operate on a

Nauset Marsh Discovery Cruise. Wellfleet Bay Wildlife Sanctuary, State Highway Rte. 6, South Wellfleet. Cruise through Nauset Marsh on a partially shaded pontoon boat and disembark on the exposed tidal flats to search, with nets and magnifiers, for crabs, sea stars, and other critters. Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll pull up a crab trap and lobster pot and hope to see seals. Of all of

FREE & ONGOING Free Friday Night Fun. The Discovery Museums, 177 Main St. (Route 27), Acton. See Aug. 2 listing for details.

The Art of Eric Carle: Feathers, Fins, and Fur. The Eric Carle Museum of Picture Book Art,

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For more information, to sign up for the race or buy raffle tickets, visit www.thebridgecm.org or call 508-755-0333 4 Mann Street, Worcester, MA 01602 www.thebridgecm.org Proceeds to benefit the Health and Wellness Initiative of The Bridge, serving individuals with mental health challenges, developmental disabilities, acquired brain injury and complex family problems.

125 West Bay Rd., Amherst. See Aug. 25 listing for details.

Tank Time. Felix Neck Wildlife Sanctuary, Felix Neck Dr., Edgartown. It’s feeding time at Felix Neck. Learn about the resident turtles and salt water tank animals as you watch them eat their lunch. Tank time happens Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Free with Sanctuary Admission. 1:30 to 2 p.m. Free to members. A $4nm, C $3nm.

Registration is not required. massaudubon.org.

31 saturday ONGOING King Richard’s Faire. 235 Main St., Route 58, Carver. Entertainment, exciting rides and skilled games abound on the enchanting 80-acre site of King Richard’s Faire.

Hundreds of talented entertainers perform nonstop throughout the day. Visit any of our eight vibrant stages and be enthralled by acrobats, aerialists, jugglers, minstrels, dancers, fire eaters, puppeteers and exotic tigers.

Ongoing through Oct. 20. 10:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. kingrichardsfaire.net.

Day Out With Thomas: The GO GO Thomas Fall Tour 2013. Edaville USA, 5 Pine

St., Carver. Everyone’s favorite No. 1 engine, Thomas the Tank, is chugging into Edaville USA! Take a magical 20-minute ride on a 15-ton replica of Thomas. Spend the day immersed in the storybook world of Thomas and meet his kindly but stern boss, Sir Topham Hat. Enjoy live music and storytelling, Imagination Station and temporary tattoos as well as unlimited use of all 12 amusement rides and play spaces – all included in your admission. 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. edaville.com.

Family Fun Days. Old Sturbridge Village, 1 Old Sturbridge Village Rd., Sturbridge. Before summer winds down, families come to the Village for some old-fashioned fun. Play games, make crafts, launch toy fire-balloons, and see our craftsmen at work. 9:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. osv.org.

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JUSTAROUND

THECORNER

The

DIVORCE

Corollary by katherine jacante, illustration by jessica roux

H

ave you ever tried to come up with a simple definition of what it means to be a good parent? The possibilities are endless, but many parents and non-parents would probably agree that somewhere in that definition is the concept that good parents make decisions that are in the best interest of their children.

I can buy that. But I wonder how you can do what is in the best interest of your child when you are yourself in a difficult, frightening or emotionally draining situation. I am talking about what I call “the divorce corollary.” Children, especially teen and tweens, know when there is something wrong at home and often act out, sometimes in small ways, but at times in ways that are unhealthy or

24 AUGUST2013

outright dangerous. Does it have to be that way?

I have lived in my small town for almost 10 years and have witnessed the demise of several marriages.

One in particular was painful to watch because of what outsiders could see in the behavior of the three children. The youngest child, Jamie*, was in sixth grade, a good student, outgoing, happy. But things changed. We busybodies in town noticed he started hanging out with a much older group of kid. A rough crowd. He was out late at night all over town on his skateboard. Word got around (reported by the kids in his grade, confirmed courtesy of one mom who worked as a substitute) that he arrived at school intoxicated and/or high on several occasions.

Because you never know the whole

story of someone else’s life, I try not to judge (sometimes more effectively than other times), but I found myself thinking less than charitable thoughts about the parents. And the whispered exchanges between parents on the sidelines of the soccer field were along the lines of “something is going on in that house.”

The ‘something’ was the unraveling of a 15-year marriage. Both parents were struggling and their focus clearly was not on their children.

Whatever transpired, whatever hurt and anger they shared with their children, either intentionally or not, the children were definitely suffering.

The guidance department at school tried to help, other parents picked up the slack for a while, driving the children to games and meetings, hosting sleepovers so the children

could escape a hostile environment, and, eventually, the parents found their way to neutral corners. It was at least two years of publicly visible upheaval with at least one child in a tailspin.

So back to my question. Does it have to be that way?

I spoke with David Hollis, the director of Child and Family Counseling at Jewish Family Service, a non-sectarian social service agency in Worcester. Hollis has taught a workshop called Children Cope with Divorce, an approved parent education program of the Probate and Family Court, for many years and sees firsthand how parents’ misstep when making the transition from married to divorced. I asked what are the steps that are in the best interest of the children.

“The ideal situation is for both parents to sit with the family, regardless of the age of the children, and together discuss what is going on. Make sure you have a plan for the conversation and focus on the children’s needs and questions as best you can.” According to Hollis, children will be looking for reassurance. “You can explain that the marriage is ending, but that the family will continue. It’s important for children to hear ‘we will continue to love you; you are in no way responsible; this is an adult decision; you did not cause this, and you cannot change it; we are sorry this is hurting you.’ These are things you as parents will have to repeat frequently.

And be prepared that children will have a lot of questions.”

Teens in particular will have questions, specifically ‘how will the change affect me?’ They will want to know ‘will we be moving, do I have to change schools, what does this mean financially.’ Hollis recommends that parents answer the questions that you can answer, but don’t offer children of any age false reassurances if you have not worked out your plans. Divorce can be financially challenging and the reality of maintaining two households may mean making significant adjustments. Perhaps the only thing you can offer your children is that you will work together as parents to help them through the transition.

Wouldn’t that be nice? Divorcing parents who could be amicable, united and orchestrate this reasoned, supportive scenario. The two parent discussion may be the ideal situation, but it seems to me that an ideal discussion about divorcing parents contains its own oxymoron. What if parents are not able to manage this

joint discussion, or they have enough animosity that it really is best not to deliver the news together. Hollis offers some advice to parents who present this news solo. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It is really important to avoid blaming or shaming your spouse.

It is not in the best interest of your child to share details of the situation.

Your goal should be to help your child maintain a secure, loving relationship with both parents if at all possible. Always keep in mind that the conversation is for the benefit of the children, not the parent. Use the same reassuring phrases, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;the family will continue, we both love you, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re sorry.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;?

Another potential pitfall Hollis cautions parents about is creating an opening for a child to take sides.

Children have their own opinions about what is happening and who is at fault. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Middle school children especially tend to identify the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;good parentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; to align with,â&#x20AC;? according to Hollis. â&#x20AC;&#x153;While parents should encourage children to share their perspective about what is happening and be willing to listen, it is best not to chime in if a child is speaking negatively about the other parent. It does not help the child or the relationship with your co-parent.â&#x20AC;?

A key factor in how your child adjusts to the divorce is how the parents co-parent. For parents who recognize this important piece of the life-afterdivorce puzzle, divorce mediation is becoming increasingly popular.

In many cases, mediation helps the parents learn how to negotiate parenting issues, a skill that benefits the whole family now and in the future. One tool some professionals use with parents is the Childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bill of Rights (see sidebar), a series of â&#x20AC;&#x153;rightsâ&#x20AC;? that parents can keep in mind when making decisions for their children.

Finally, I asked about what to do when your child starts acting out.

When do you know it is time for more help than parental reassurance?

Hollis recommends that parents look for changes that are constant or dramatic or leave you as the parent feeling as though you cannot cope. Be on the lookout for behavior changes of any sort (including lying, cheating, stealing), significant displays of anger, loss of friends, dramatic changes in mood. Keep an eye out for signs of depression and certainly any signs of destructive behavior. If you feel as though your child needs help, look first to his/her pediatrician, talk with clergy or even speak with a friend or family member who may have some

experience in therapy. â&#x20AC;&#x153;If parents have concerns, it is never a bad decision to get a consult,â&#x20AC;? according to Hollis. â&#x20AC;&#x153;And parents should expect to be involved in the initial assessment and beyond.

It is important to understand the respective concerns of both parents.

Working with just the child does not provide a therapist with the whole picture.â&#x20AC;?

After all of the conversation about what is in the best interest of the children, I circled back to ask about the needs of the parents. Given all the strain and emotion that usually accompany divorce, Hollis stressed the importance of finding support for yourself, from friends, family or professional counseling, so you are in the best frame of mind to be an effective parent, and so you can make decisions that are in the best interest of your children.

Is it my imagination, or is that one of several circular definitions of being a parent? *The names of the subjects in this series of articles have been changed to protect their privacy.

Katherine Jacante is a writer and mother of two teenagers living in Central Massachusetts. She uses a pseudonym to protect her relationship with her children and other families who may recognize themselves in these articles.

Resources for Parents: There are many books and websites available to help parents navigate the parenting issues surrounding a divorce. Here are just a few. www.jfsworcester.org www.familiesfirst.org www.uptoparents.org

Bill of Rights for Children of

Divorce

There are multiple versions of this Childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bill of Right in circulation, and each is a thought provoking reminder for parents to keep in mind as they help their children adjust to the new family dynamic.

I have the right to love and be loved by both of my parents, without guilt, pressure, disapproval or rejection.

I have the right to be protected from my parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; anger.

I have the right to be kept out of the middle of my parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; conflict, including the right not to pick sides, carry messages or hear complaints about the other parent.

I have the right to have a regular daily and weekly routine, one that is not filled with unpredictable disruptions, chaos or unpleasant surprises.

I have the right to not have to choose between my parents. It is my right to not be expected to choose with whom I will live. Having to make this kind

of choice will always hurt someone, and therefore, me. I have this right even when I am a teenager. I CAN NEVER CHOOSE BETWEEN MY PARENTS. I have the right not to be responsible for the emotional needs of my parents.

I have the right to know well in advance about any major changes that will affect my life.

I have the right to reasonable financial support from my parents.

I have the right to appropriately express my feelings to my parents and expect that they will listen to me.

I have the right to not be expected to make adult decisions. I have the right to remain a child and not replace a parent in my duties, or to act as an adult companion, personal friend or comforter to my parents.

I have the right to like and love as many people (such as stepparents and relatives) as I want to without guilt and without being made to feel disloyal.

I have the right to a life as close as possible to what I would have had if my parents had stayed married to each other.

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For families Divorce Workbook: Guide for Kids and Families by Sally B. Ives For tweens, ages 10 to 12 How It Feels When Parents Divorce

by Jill Krementz Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Going to Happen to Me?: When Parents Separate or Divorce

by Eda J. LeShan The Boys and Girls Book About Divorce, by Richard Gardner For teens, ages 13 to 18 Win Me and You Lose

by Phyllis Anderson Wood How to Get It Together When Your Parents Are Coming Apart

by Arlene Kramer Richards and Irene Willis

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FAIR FIGHT OR BLATANT BULLYING? New Research Looks at Sibling Squabbles

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back to

school

fashion with flair bellinipics photography fashion by the measure layout by paula monette ethier editorial by jennifer lucarelli

30 AUGUST2013

K

iki Fluhr, of Weymouth, is a mom of twins and has a memory of being a little girl and wandering through the woods behind her grandparents’ house. She says she felt like an explorer, discovering things for the first time, climbing trees she was sure no one had climbed before.

There’s something about childhood that is all about discovering something new every day. It’s this feeling that she tries to evoke in her clothing. She founded All the Numbers in 2009 and also sold her clothing under the name The Measure in the past. Her clothing line focuses on new ways of pairing classic things together like new closures on a traditional dress, and a new asymmetry on an otherwise standard shape. Life is full of the unexpected, but childhood is a constant string of revelations. Her line is a portrayal of just those discoveries. To purchase her latest fashions for children, go to allthenumbers.net.

BAYSTATEPARENT 31

BACKTOSCHOOL

T

he fashion shoot took place at Frolio School in Abington this summer. The models Jasmine, 7, of Natick, Camryn, 6, of

32 AUGUST2013

Southborough, Olivia 9, of Mashpee and Laela, 7, of Sterling, loved having fun at the schoolhouse. The hair accessories for the fashion shoot

were provided by Mayaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Curls. To purchase the featured accessories, go to mayascurls.bigcartel.com.

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Worcester JCC Preschool/Toddler Center

Back to School CAPTURED

WAITING: Michael O’Connor, 6, of Leicester, waits for the bus on his first day of kindergarten.

ALL SMILES: Lauren Brooks, 4, and Brady Papineau, 4, of Holyoke, are excited for their first day of preschool.

SO EXCITED: Liam, 7, and Quinlin Buckley, 4, of Westminster, get ready for their first day of school.

34 AUGUST2013

RARING TO GO: Robby MacIsaac, 3, of Canton, is all dressed and ready for his first day of preschool.

FIRST DAY FUN: George Bradshaw, 7, of Worcester, can’t wait for his first day of first grade.

CAN’T WAIT: Braedon Neveux, of Upton, hops on the bus for his first day of kindergarten.

PROUD PUPIL: Kiley Kulesza, 6, of Rutland, gets ready for her first day of kindergarten.

ALL DRESSED UP: Tyler West, of Franklin, is all dressed up and ready for his first day of school.

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FIRST DAY OF PRESCHOOL: Colby Spencer, 3, of Northborough, shares his favorites before his first day of preschool.

FAVORITES: Emily Spencer, 5, of Northborough, is all smiles on her first day of school.

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WAITING FOR THE BUS: Lucas Gamache, 7, and Dillon Harper, 7, of Rutland, canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t wait for their first dy of school to start.

O P E N A U DITI O N C A L L The Hanover Theatre, 2 Southbridge Street, Worcester, MA

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 2013 9:00 â&#x20AC;&#x201C;11:00 amâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Ages 13+ (bring pointe shoes if you have two years or more training) 11:30 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 1:00 pm â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Ages 10 to 12 1:15 â&#x20AC;&#x201C;2:45 pm â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Ages 7 to 9

Jennifer Agbay, Director 508.791.3233 jenniferagbay@gmail.com balletartsworcester.com

SO CUTE: Alexander Shults, of Fitchburg, gets ready for his first day of school.

FIRST DAY EXCITEMENT: Parker Johnson, of Gardner, is all smiles as he gets ready for his first day of first grade.

CALL BACK SESSIONS Call backs are the same day as the Audition!

Please plan accordingly. If you do not return for your call back, your audition will be terminated.

3:15 to 4:15 pmâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Ages 7 to 9 4:30 to 5:45 pmâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Ages 10 to 12 6:00â&#x20AC;&#x201C;7:30 pm â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Ages 13+

THE 2013 PRESENTING PERFORMANCE SPONSOR

CONTACT US FOR REGISTRATION AND AUDITION REQUIREMENT DETAILS Students of BAW audition free! It is required that you call or email Ballet Arts Worcester for an audition reservation. Check our website or facebook for detailed audition information and requirements.

BAYSTATEPARENT 35

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BACKTOSCHOOL

obtaining

SPED

services for your child by laura richards

W

hen your child is struggling in school due to a physical or educational reason, it can be incredibly concerning and stressful. Navigating the waters of special education can be daunting and parents often donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know how to start the process of getting their child evaluated.

Francine Rothkopf, 48, lives in Ashland, with her husband David and three children Sam, Micah and Sofia.

Two of her three kids have special education needs, but both have very different stories.

Sam attended a small private school called MetroWest Jewish Day School (MWJDS). Early on, he had learned his alphabet, but suddenly was unable to recall it. By the beginning of first grade, it was clear that he was not making reading progress which was making him anxious. The Rothkopfs knew about dyslexia as several extended family members had the reading disorder so they requested a full evaluation from the Ashland Public School Department.

The family found the process to be smooth. Once all the paperwork and testing was complete, a diagnosis was made for a reading disability coupled with anxiety so an Individualized Educational Plan (IEP) meeting was set and services began. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Since Sam was attending the private school, we forged new ground,â&#x20AC;?

Francine Rothkopf says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;MWJDS was a new and tiny school and not

the teachers and the SPED (special education) team leaders.â&#x20AC;?

Her advice to parents starting on

ready to do everything the public school would have recommended.

However, the public school team was great about helping us piece together a program for him.â&#x20AC;?

Sam is now in middle school and about to enter Ashland High School in the fall. Francine feels that he has been, â&#x20AC;&#x153;terrifically well supportedâ&#x20AC;? and that the teams have worked well together to share information and recommendations.

Samâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sister, Sofia, has Down syndrome and her services were more straightforward as she had a specific medical diagnosis, and it was clear that she would need support. She attended preschool and now is in first grade in the Ashland Public Schools. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I have felt that my own children were cared for, supported, nurtured, and challenged beautifully,â&#x20AC;? Francine says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;As the mom, I have always had great working relationships with

â&#x20AC;&#x153;It is important to keep in mind that staff is here to assist you on this journey and that they want to work with you to help your child make effective progress and to be successful,â&#x20AC;?

McKeon says. this journey is simple, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be adversarial. Look at it from a team perspective. There might be multiple

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36 AUGUST2013

Laura Richards is the mother of two cats and four boys, 11 year-old identical twins, a 7 year-old and an 8-month old. She resides in Framingham with her husband and blogs from her website modernmothering.com.

Her motto is: â&#x20AC;&#x153;That which doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t kill me makes me stronger.â&#x20AC;?

CONCORD

BACKTOSCHOOL

education supports that are currently in place and what type of progress the student has made with these supports over what period of time. If the parent continues to have concerns after meeting with the staff, they can then request a special education evaluation where evaluations will be conducted in the studentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s suspected areas of need.â&#x20AC;?

Like Francine, McKeon urges parents to work as a team with the special education department. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Parents and staff should work collaboratively in the best interest of students and to keep this in mind even if they don't agree,â&#x20AC;? she says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Parents, teachers and administration need to work closely together to ensure student success.â&#x20AC;?

There are times when students may demonstrate different skills and behaviors in various environments due to differing demands in the school versus home environment.

What parents may see at home may not be what is seen at school. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It is important to keep in mind that staff is here to assist you on this journey and that they want to work with you to help your child make effective progress and to be successful,â&#x20AC;? McKeon says.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s important to know that every school districtâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s special education department is overseeing and evaluating many children along with providing services with a wide variety of needs so it can be a very busy place and possibly frustrating to parents. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Our goal is to always be responsive to parents,â&#x20AC;? McKeon says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;During the spring, the SPED Department receives a high number of requests for evaluations. Please remember that it takes time to process these evaluations and to conduct thorough evaluations within the state mandated timelines.

The staff wants to do a professional evaluation of your child so that the team can get a clear picture of the student's strengths and needs and to make sound decisions on how to proceed.â&#x20AC;?

If you have concerns about your child or for more information, contact your townâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s school department.

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opinions, but if you work together, you will be able to come to reasonable conclusions,â&#x20AC;? she says.

Another family who resides in a suburb west of Boston, and prefers to remain anonymous, shares the experience of their son who has a diagnosis of autism, cognitive impairment, hypotonia, global developmental delay and other issues.

When it was time for him to transition to the public school, the family knew he wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t ready for a typical classroom so asked for an evaluation and started working directly with the special education department in their town. They also hired an advocate and an attorney to help guide them through the process. Their advocate noted that the special education program being recommended for their son wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t the right fit. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It was very challenging to discuss with the district why their program was not right for our child and convince them [that] what we were proposing as parents and with medical recommendations was best for our child,â&#x20AC;? the family says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It was surprising and disappointing how the district did not seem to have the best interest of the child in mind and only wanted to sell their program and were not interested in any other programs.â&#x20AC;? Ultimately, their son was placed out-of-district in a sub-separate school which meets his needs.

The family recommends that parents try to put emotions aside when talking to their school district. They also highly recommend an advocate. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We could not have done or continue to do what we do for our child without our advocate,â&#x20AC;? they say. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Advocates understand the town, the district, the SPED teams in the district, the programs, the laws and in most cases have already lived through what you are going through as they are often parents of SPED children.

The advocate will guide you through the whole process, attend meetings, and help communicate with the district.â&#x20AC;?

Betsey McKeon, director of special education for the Framingham Public Schools, tells parents if they believe their child is in need of services they should start with their childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s teacher. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The teacher can bring their concerns to the child's school team and ask for a meeting,â&#x20AC;? Betsey says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;They should review the general

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WHAT’S BACKTOSCHOOL

ON THE MENU?

School Lunches Continue Transition by donna morin

T

welve-year-old Lilia wrinkles up her nose as she describes the lunches at her school.

“Almost nobody orders them,” she says. “They don’t look good.”

Lilia lives in an affluent Massachusetts town, where many families have a choice about purchasing school lunches. In most other places, lunches are purchased out of convenience for a busy lifestyle or due to financial necessity. Making sure the school lunch program offers nutritious and attractive choices, therefore, has become a battleground for wellness advocates in the last 20 years.

With last year’s revelation of Lean Finely Textured Beef, a.k.a. “pink slime” treated with ammonia and sent to school lunch trays across America, the movement has gained renewed focus. New national guidelines under the Health, Hunger-Free Kids Act of 2012 are the first major changes to the USDA-mandated program in 15 years and requirements include that colorful fruits and vegetables be offered at every meal, whole grains replace white, and sodium be reduced over the next 10 years.

But are the changes enough? Many wellness advocates say no.

Today’s lunch program is offered to all students, but historically, the program began as a charitable effort to feed children living in poverty. In 1904, Robert Hunter published Poverty, 38 AUGUST2013

one of the first publications in this country to address the connection between malnourishment and learning achievement. He writes, “…

Learning is difficult because hungry stomachs and languid bodies and thin blood are not able to feed the brain.”

Hunter argued that it was foolish to require students to sit at desks all day when they were unable to learn.

During the Great Depression, New York City Superintendent of Schools Dr. William Maxwell pleaded with his board of education. “Again I appeal to you, in the name of suffering childhood,” he wrote, “to establish in each school facilities whereby the pupils may obtain simple wholesome food at cost price.”

From there, pilot programs sprouted up for pennies a meal and initially included hot soups, crackers, and milk, with ingredients often donated by families of the students. Early efforts were funded by states, but soon it became clear that federal aid was needed. Not until 1946 did Congress pass the National School Lunch Act, making school lunch a permanent, federally-funded program. Its mission was to “…safeguard the health and wellbeing of the nation’s children and to encourage the domestic consumption of nutritious agricultural commodities and other food.”

Fast forward to a new century and it appears we are still working toward “nutritious” while “other food” plays

a larger role in the meals our children eat in school.

In her book, Fed Up With Lunch, author and teacher Sarah Wu unveils a disturbing trend in school lunches that are largely processed, packaged, and overcooked. Shocked after purchasing lunch in the Chicago public school where she taught, Wu vowed to buy and eat lunch every day for one year. “…I couldn’t believe that this was the kind of food my students were being served, especially knowing that most of them came from lowincome families and that this was probably their most substantial meal of the day,” she writes.

Dr. Susan Rubin is a mother to three and co-founder of the Two Angry Moms movement and documentary of the same name. “We’ve allowed corporate-controlled industry to take over our food.” Since making the film in 2011, the chicken nuggets removed from her daughter’s school have since made a comeback. “Money talks,” she says. “We are still fighting the fight.”

Wu says she ate 133 chicken nuggets in one calendar year. “I’d always assumed that chicken nuggets were fried pieces of plain chicken breast meat,” she says. “Chicken nuggets are only about 50 percent chicken.”

The rest, she explains, comes from genetically-modified corn fillers, sugar, and emulsifiers.

But the problem isn’t only with nuggets. While most school lunches

are complying with the required fruit and vegetable with every meal, the fruit served is often in a highsugar syrup sauce and vegetables can include tater tots and tomato paste served on pizza.

What’s more, food corporations play a big role in the meals our children eat today. Colorful, sugary, packaged snacks and desserts often accompany the government’s commodity foods as a way to help meet the USDA’s requirements. “When I looked into it,” says Wu, “I learned that school districts sign contracts with for-profit companies for millions of dollars.”

In times of economic hardship, when school budgets are made tighter every year, this kind of money speaks volumes.

But the news isn’t all bad. Across the country, change is happening.

Missy Hope is a registered dietician and school nutrition specialist.

Hired as a consultant by schools in Massachusetts, Hope works with food service directors of lunch programs to ensure guidelines are implemented.

“I evaluate menus to look for colorful vegetables and legumes,” she says. “I also use computerized nutrient analysis to determine calorie and saturated fat content, which must fall within certain ranges or not exceed certain limits.”

Some schools are going well above the standards. Laura Wood is the nutrition director for the Marblehead

bean salads are becoming routine, fruits and vegetables are offered with every meal. Those who prefer can make lunches at home, but for those who rely on school programs to nourish their children during the day, it helps to know that steps are being taken to provide better quality food.

And then there are those who are closest to those changes â&#x20AC;&#x201C; the ones who make sure our kids have something to eat every day.

Nutritionist Missy Hope, mom to one son who eats school lunch, reminds us how important those individuals are in this process. â&#x20AC;&#x153;He usually tells me he eats an apple with his lunch,â&#x20AC;? she says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I know that it took some devoted, caring school lunch staff member to get him to reach out and take that apple, so I am grateful.â&#x20AC;?

BACKTOSCHOOL

Community Charter Public School.

With a B.S. in Culinary Arts from Johnson & Wales University, Wood has always been interested in nutrition and eating for health. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Good nutrition is a life skill,â&#x20AC;? she says. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s that philosophy that drives the lunch program in her school, where more than 10 varieties of tomatoes are grown in the schoolâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s garden, along with cucumbers, bell peppers and beets. At recess, students are offered free homemade pickles and multi-colored carrots. Food is often a part of the schoolâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s curriculum.

The garden itself is often used as an outdoor classroom. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Processed food has brainwashed our society and caused an epidemic because it is convenient,â&#x20AC;? Wood says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Knowledge is power and we, as educators, must give our students the tools to succeed.â&#x20AC;?

The epidemic Wood refers to includes childhood obesity. According to the Centers for Disease Control, rates have more than doubled in children and tripled in adolescents in the last 30 years. Children who are obese tend to have risk factors for heart disease, including high cholesterol and blood pressure. Obese children are more likely to be diagnosed with Type II Diabetes.

There are many who argue that school lunches contribute to disease, and that childhood health has larger implications for the future of this country. Americans tend to overeat, but are often malnourished because they eat empty calories. Malnourished children will have â&#x20AC;&#x153;languid bodiesâ&#x20AC;?.

Unable to focus, think creatively or have the energy required for the innovation needed in the new century, future generations could be in trouble if this food trend continues. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think people are waking up because they see we are getting sicker,â&#x20AC;? says Dr. Rubin. Across the country, school wellness committees are working to get children involved in food decisions.

Chef Ann Cooper, a.k.a. Renegade Lunch Lady, is founder of The Lunchbox, an online toolkit designed to help schools implement quality food changes. She consults with schools interested in building a food relationship with the students. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Any way we can get them engaged with food is going to help them to make better choices,â&#x20AC;? she says.

She suggests students plan food menus, grow, and even cook food in supplementary cooking classes.

But some schools have to walk before they can run, and that seems to be happening all over. In Massachusetts, whole grain bread has replaced white,

Smart Lunches takes lunch off parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; plates by delivering fresh, healthy lunches to kids at schools, daycares and camps. The kid-tested fall menu has something for everyone and ordering couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be easier. Best of all, we share proceeds with your school!

Donna Morin, M.Ed, CHHC is a freelance writer, wellness coach and mom to one son.

Plan of Action for Caregivers â&#x20AC;˘ Eat lunch with your child at school.

Note how much time she has and the kinds of food offered. What is the lunch atmosphere like? â&#x20AC;˘ Find out if there is an Active Wellness Committee. Schools that accept federally subsidized lunches must have one.

If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a parent or school interested in getting Smart Lunches at your school, get in touch info@smartlunches.com

857.239.9974

smartlunches.com

FALL CLASS REGISTRATION 508-791-3233

â&#x20AC;˘ Develop a positive relationship with the school principal, teachers, and lunch staff members. Start a respectful dialogue and remember that we are all in this together. (suggestions by Sarah Wu)

Resources: Fed Up With Lunch, Sarah Wu Lunch Wars, Amy Kalafa Two Angry Moms, documentary directed by Amy Kalafa Chef Ann Cooper, chefann.com The Edible Schoolyard Project, edibleschoolyard.org Chefs Move to Schools, chefsmovetoschools.org Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act of 2012, http://www.fns.usda.gov/cnd/ governance/legislation/ cnr_2010.htm

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BACKTOSCHOOL

Fair Fight or Blatant Bullying?

New Research Looks at Sibling Squabbles by maryjo kurtz

S

pats between brothers and sisters are part of growing up. Disagreements help children to foster negotiation skills and master the apology. At times, teasing and taunting seem silly, at times a bit harsh. And, according to a new study, at times things can go way too far.

“I have found that the sibling relationship is both unique and emotionally intense,” says Corinna Tucker, a professor at the University of New Hampshire Family Studies and Sociology Department. She has studied siblings relationships and aggression for a number of years and her research suggests that parents should put a stop to sibling fighting before it goes too far.

The study on sibling aggression was published in the June 17 issue of the American Academy of Pediatrics journal Pediatrics. Findings indicate that even minor sibling aggression has the potential to create depression and anxiety in children.

The research included phone calls to nearly 3,600 children up to age 17 and examined three types of sibling aggression: psychological (name calling), property damage and mild or severe physical assault.

“We found that when compared to children who did not experience any aggressors, children with one type of aggressor reported greater mental distress,” Tucker says. “Even with just one aggressor – that was a surprise.” Eight percent of the children reported more than one type of sibling aggression.

Nearly one third of those interviewed said a sibling had assaulted or taunted them within the past year. Children in all age categories reported mental health distress from sibling agression.

40 AUGUST2013

Those under the age of 9 reported the strongest mental distress.

Tucker acknowledged that many adults find sibling fighting to be a rite of passage. “There is a historical acceptance of sibling rivalry,” she says. “Sometimes it is looked at as something good, as a time to learn about conflicts.” But she questions whether the tolerance is appropriate.

“There is a lot of increased attention on peer aggression,” she says. “What is generally tolerated in sibling relationships is not tolerated in peer relationships.”

Tucker says parents might consider whether aggression between children would be tolerated if instigated by classmates or neighbors.

“For many children, the fight with a sibling is often the first fight experience,” she says, adding that it gives parents an opening for behavior modification. “Parents have an opportunity to teach relationship skills, constructive and destructive ways of fighting. They can teach appropriate negotiating skills, perspective taking, how to find mutually agreeable solutions. Parents can be a role model for behavior and offer positive reinforcement.”

In short, Tucker says, “Sibling bullying is not something to be dismissed.”

But how do you define bullying? And as a parent, how can you tell when it’s gone too far?

“Bullying has such a negative connotation, and it scares parents because now there are legal and other types of ramifications for the behavior,” says Dr. Kim Storey, an educator and child development specialist who works with eyesonbullying.org, a multimedia project that is part of the Education Development Center of Waltham.

“When bullying is identified, the result is punishment oriented and these moments should be teaching moments on how children deal with conflict.”

Dr. Storey says each person has a role when an incident of bullying happens, no matter if it takes place in school, at a playground or in the home.

“Bullying is defined an intentionally trying to harm and it is repetitive,” she says.

Each person can help stop bullying.

The bystander, by not saying anything or joining in, makes bullying acceptable, and the victim of bullying can take control and stand up to the bully.

“Kids will most likely be involved in a bullying situation at some point, so it’s important to help children learn the scripts that can help them when it happens,” Dr. Storey says. “When it happens in a family, it’s important to have a family meeting and say that you don’t allow it, and then help the child who’s being bullied learn to stand up for themselves.”

When we asked our Facebook readers what they thought about sibling bullying and if it is a problem, we received a wide range of answers.

“My girls are 15 months apart and the older one (age 6) can absolutely turn into a bully to her sister (age 5), but then the behavior gets worse and feelings are hurt because she feels she’s the only child told ‘no’ all the time,” says Fagan Forhan. “I’d love some perspective from other parents.”

Katie Gauthier, a mom of three girls from Springfield, says she nips it in the

bud when it comes up. “When they are mean to each other I tell them that it is not nice to do those things. I explain why it is not nice and a better way to approach it. Name calling, hitting, shoving, etc. all lead to time out, then apology, and they have to say 3 nice things about the other one,” she says.

“Well, it works with the older two, not the 2-year-old so much yet.”

Other moms don’t believe that bullying happens between siblings.

“I don’t think siblings bully one another,” says Leah Klein. “Button pushing, yes. Bullying? No. I think bullying is rooted in hate or fear and when you’re family, there is always underlying love. Maybe I’m naïve, but my 6 and 8 year old fight and make me crazy with bickering, but never could or would bully one another.”

Tara Keyes Goodrich agrees. “I am an only child so I have no reference point, but I am horrified by these stories. I have two daughters, 12 and 5. They bicker (who sits where, who gets the last ice cream), but bully one another? I would never allow it,” she says.

Other parents say that they are dealing with bullying, but don’t know how to handle it.

“My 4-year-old can reduce my 7-year-old to tears,” says Jessica, who asked that her last name not be used. “They are very different children, and the only thing I feel I can do is try to toughen up my 7-year-old while correcting my 4-year-old for being unkind. It is not bullying in the sense of a school bully, but I feel that the way they are at home translates to the way they are in school. One will likely be bullied, while the other will be the bully.”

expressions will help you determine if bullying is occurring.

When you see or hear bullying...

• Announce that the bullying must stop.

• Intervene immediately. When you do nothing, you send the message that bullying is acceptable. If you ignore or minimize the problem, victims will not believe that adults understand or care or that they can help. If you don’t intervene, children won’t either.

• Intervene even if you’re not sure it’s bullying.

Observing children’s actions, words, body language, and facial

• Even if it’s not, aggressive behaviors need to be stopped.

• Stand between or near the victim and the bully, separating them if necessary, so as to stop the bullying behaviors.

• Describe the behavior you observed and why it is unacceptable.

• Respond firmly and appropriately.

Remain calm, but convey the seriousness of the situation.

• Get help if needed. If the bully is using physical force, or there is more than one bully, you may need to find another adult to help keep children safe and protect yourself.

• Do not respond aggressively. Using aggressive behavior sends the wrong message that this is a good way to solve problems. It may also prompt a bully or a bystander to increase his or her bullying behavior or become aggressive toward you.

• Avoid lecturing the bully in front of his or her peers. Your goal is to end the behavior, not humiliate or shame

the bully. Rather than serving as a deterrent, lecturing and scolding often provide the bully with attention that he or she finds rewarding.

BACKTOSCHOOL

Dr. Storey says there are patterns that start in the home that can lead to bullying elsewhere, but parents can the stop the behavior.

“There’s a myth that there’s nothing you can do about bullying,” she says.

“You have to be aware that kids are more vulnerable to bullying and parents need to take an active role in stopping it and teaching their children what to do if they witness it or are a victim of it.”

For more information about how to stop bullying, visit eyesonbullying.org.

• Don’t impose immediate consequences. Allow yourself time to consider the incident and obtain any clarifying information—then decide the best course of action.

• Don’t ask children to “work things out” for themselves. Bullying is different from an argument or conflict; it involves a power imbalance that requires adult intervention.

• Give praise and show appreciation to helpful bystanders. Children who try to help the victim or stop the bully are key to bullying prevention.

• Stick around. Remain in the area until you are sure the behavior has stopped. *Information courtesy of eyesonbullying.org.

MaryJo Kurtz is a freelance multimedia journalist with work published in nearly 100 media outlets. She can be reached at kurtz.maryjo@gmail.com, maryjokurtz. com or Twitter @MaryJoKurtz.

Editor Jennifer Lucarelli also contributed to this story.

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COMMON CORE: BACKTOSCHOOL

Will it Water Down

Education??

Education by doug page

T

hose pushing Common Core see the country’s schools in a desperate situation, needing to be fixed immediately if the nation’s youth aren’t to be condemned to future economic failure.

Even Massachusetts schools require further improvement because too many Bay State public high school graduates are taking remedial classes in math and English in college or if they go directly into the work force, lack the reading and math skills required for the job, according to the Commonwealth’s top education officer.

But those against Common Core see it as a nefarious attempt to reduce the state’s exacting standards for K – 12 education, making them more compatible to the whims of the man putting financial muscle behind the effort – Out-of-State Billionaire and Microsoft Founder Bill Gates – and not in the best interests of the kids.

One detractor even says it’s like something out of Aldous Huxley’s “Brave New World,” an effort to tailor the country’s workforce to the needs of Microsoft.

Given these two very opposing views, what’s a parent to believe?

RIPE FOR CHANGE American public schools remain vulnerable to reform because standardized test scores, like the one administered two years ago by the Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA), showed only 32 percent of U.S. eighth graders proficient in math.

“Until the test scores improve, 42 AUGUST2013

schools will be seen as needing to be reformed,” says Paul Peterson, director of the program on education policy and governance at Harvard University.

In Massachusetts, however, students are bucking the trends.

About 50 percent of all Massachusetts fourth and eighth graders who took the National Assessment and Educational Progress (NAEP) exam two years ago were considered proficient in math and English.

In another standardized test, also taken about two years ago, called Trends in International Mathematics and Science Study (TIMSS), which measured math and science abilities of Massachusetts eighth graders against their peers in 63 countries and nine U.S. states, Bay State students scored near the top in math, just behind children from South Korea, Singapore, Taiwan and Hong Kong.

In the science portion of the TIMSS exam, Bay State eighth graders also scored near the top, falling only behind kids from Singapore.

But Massachusetts Education Commissioner Mitchell Chester sees it differently. “Massachusetts citizens should be justifiably proud (of the schools), but having said that, our biggest disadvantage is complacency,” he says. “And so we point out that 50 percent of our students are proficient, but 50 percent are not.”

“As well as we have done and as toprated as our public school system is, 40 percent of our public high school graduates who matriculate to public universities or community colleges in Massachusetts take at least one remedial, non-credit class because they don’t have the math and English skills

needed for college,” Chester says.

“Too many of our students can’t read complex texts, technical information and non-fiction information, which is what they have to tackle in college courses,” he says. “They can write a personal essay, but when it comes to critiquing material they’ve just read, they don’t have the skills.”

“Too many students are also without the math skills that let them tackle more advanced classes. They also struggle to apply math to real-life situations. These are the criticisms I’ve heard from many employers. They’re not one-offs,” Chester adds.

WHAT ABOUT MCAS? The standardized test kids have been taking since 1998 in the state, the Massachusetts Comprehensive Assessment Study (MCAS), will likely be replaced by a new, standardized test that’s given in 22 other states.

The new test, called Partnership for Assessment Readiness for College and Careers (PARCC), of which Massachusetts Education Commissioner Chester is the governing chairman, will test kids in grades 3 to 11, says J.C. Considine, a spokesman for the Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education.

PARCC tests for what Common Core is all about – career and college readiness.

Chester says many high school graduates taking a remedial math or English class in college did well on the 10th grade MCAS test and that’s the reason for the new PARCC test.

“We’ll know (with the PARCC test) whether someone in the eighth grade is

ready for the ninth grade and whether someone in the 10th grade or 11th grade is performing on track to finish high school and do well in college or in their career.”

The first PARCC test is expected during the 2014 – 2015 academic year.

“This is no science PARCC test, so the MCAS Science (test) will continue for now,” Considine says.

COMMON CORE DEFINED Common Core has two main components, mathematics and English.

The math portion focuses instruction on fewer topics and goes into greater depth. This means first grade math not only introduces addition and subtraction but also makes kids understand the reason behind the answer.

In the fifth grade, according to Common Core, children are adding and subtracting fractions and graphing data.

There’s also a push, from the people developing Common Core, to move Algebra 1 from eighth to ninth grade, but Commissioner Chester says that doesn’t apply to Massachusetts.

“School districts can continue to teach Algebra 1 in the eighth grade,” he says.

WATERING DOWN EDUCATION There’s much skepticism about Common Core because leading scholars on education policy take issue with the English and math portions of

the test.

Board of Massachusetts and Secondary Education Member Dr. Sandra Stotsky was on the Common Core’s Validation Committee in Massachusetts and refused to approve its standards.

“We’re dumbing down the entire population,” she says. “That’s what you get when you have standards that have been lowered and you don’t provide any understanding of history and the heritage of the English language.”

“They’re not going to learn how to think logically by the means they (Common Core) are using,” Dr. Stotsky adds.

She fears high school English teachers, instead of focusing on literature, drama and poetry, will be forced to teach the writings of political philosophers and how they’re relevant to high school students’ understanding of the U.S. Constitution.

Massachusetts Education Commissioner Chester disagrees. “Literacy skills are the teachers’ responsibility.

You don’t expect English teachers to solve this problem alone. This requires history teachers and science teachers to make sure their students understand the vocabulary being used, how a textbook is structured and how to read critically what’s being presented,” he says.

When the commissioner was asked if he expected high school English teachers to teach informational texts as they relate to U.S. history, Chester said, “No. They’re not teaching U.S. history.”

“If Common Core standards are going to be set at the international level and against the NAEP (National Assessment of Education Progress) standardized test, then the American public is in for a very rude shock,” says Harvard University’s Education Policy Professor Peterson.

He says Common Core is a step up for weak public schools, like those in California, but, he says, “I’d be upset if I was a parent in Massachusetts.”

WHO CONTROLS THE CURRICULUM OF COMMON CORE? Worcester School Committee Member Donna Colorio has just formed a group, The Massachusetts Coalition for Superior Education, which is opposed to Common Core.

She worries it’ll lower the educational standards Massachusetts set when it reformed its curriculum about 15 years ago and, eventually, nationalize the K – 12 school curriculum and standards.

“This is a top down approach to education,” Colorio says. “There’s no local control.”

She says teachers are worried they’ll be held to a timeline to keep students on track as they teach material that’s part of Common Core and, as a result, won’t be able to help their slower learners.

Commissioner Chester takes issue with the teachers’ prediction of Common Core.

“There are some states that specify the curriculum and give you textbook lists and have a syllabus of what high school biology will cover,” he says.

“We don’t.”

“We’ve adopted frameworks that include the Common Core standards for English and math.

We’re developing resources and model units of study,” Chester adds.

“Teachers can still customize and individualize education and meet students where they are to move them forward,” he says. “Even if you wanted a lock-step curriculum, it’s not a day-by-day or month-bymonth plan. It’s end of the year expectations.”

THE FUNDING BEHIND COMMON CORE By signing up for Common Core in 2010, the state Department of Elementary and Secondary Education became eligible and was awarded the Race to the Top (RTTT) Grant which will garner $250 million to the state.

The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation is the source of the funding for the RTTT Grants for the states that sign up for Common Core.

Critical to receiving the RTTT grant is that Common Core will be introduced into Massachusetts’ educational system as well as into local school districts applying for a portion of the grant.

So far about 65 percent of the state’s school districts have accepted RTTT funds, including Boston Public Schools as well as the districts of Brockton, Haverhill, New Bedford, Springfield, Worcester, Revere and many others, according to Commissioner Chester.

In addition, 44 of the state’s charter schools have also received RTTT funds.

The idea for Common Core came from the National Governor’s Association and the Council of Chief State School Officers about six years ago, Harvard’s Professor Peterson says, because they noticed results on a standardized test by the National Association of Educational Progress (NAEP) differed from standardized test results conducted by individual states.

FUTURE PROBLEMS The biggest potential problem for Common Core, says one education expert following its progress, is that it’s been done so quietly.

“Common Core advocates have been perfectly happy to have states quietly sign up for Race to the Top dollars,” says Frederick Hess, a faculty associate at Harvard University’s Program on Education Policy and

Executive Editor of Education Next.

“They’ve been perfectly happy to take their bureaucratic victories and just go home.”

The best reason for Common Core, he says, is the standardized test results around the country.

“They’re all gobbledygook,” Dr. Hess says. “Massachusetts has some of the best national assessments as the National Association of Education Progress test show, but parents in other states are not getting reliable information about their schools.”

“While maybe this idea has merit, Common Core’s been done off the radar by a couple of hundred folks, operating out of sight, with the U.S. Department of Education leaning on states to apply for Race to the Top funds, all the while paying little attention to what Common Core means in practice,” Hess says.

“Common Core advocates want to change the way schools think about math and reading instruction for 50 million kids, and they’ve been very reluctant to publicly debate why this is good,” he says. “They’ve tended to dismiss critics as ‘no-nothings’ and U.S. Education Secretary Arne Duncan has said they’re part of some crazy fringe.”

Emory University English Professor Mark Bauerlein looks at this reform movement as similar to a science fiction novel.

“This is more ‘Brave New World,’” he says, with one person, or group of people, determining how future generations will think, act and how they will be employed.

Indeed, The Boston Globe recently reported that Google and Microsoft executives want Massachusetts public schools to teach computer science and “add computing questions to the state’s standardized tests.”

Doug Page is a freelance writer living with his wife and two children in Medfield.

Enroll Today! Fall semester starts September 4 mwcc.edu/learn/bryan | 978-630-9110 | admissions@mwcc.edu

IP108-01D Rev:Jun13

“Transitioning from the military to the classroom was easier than I expected, thanks to the support I received from MWCC’s Veterans Success Center.” - Bryan Sanderson

Scan to learn more

BAYSTATEPARENT 43

BACKTOSCHOOL

RIVERBEND school

An Innovative Montessori Education

44 AUGUST2013

Now Accepting FALL Enrollment For full and part time preschool Our program has been created to address the total development of the child in five areas: cognitive, social, emotional, physical, and moral.

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Maya is doing more than learning to write her name.

She is also practicing letter formation, developing creative writing skills and building fine motor skills.

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STEP IN TIME

baystateparent magazine is commemorating the Boston Children’s Museum on its 100 year anniversary with this special section

play THE

POWER OF

Boston Children’s Museum Featured Exhibit – The New Balance Climb

COMES A LONG WAY!

baystateparent is collaborating with Boston Children’s Museum to create a new, exciting supplement to our publication, which we’re entitling “The Power of Play.” Each month, we will include

ATTENTION

KIDS

special features, content, fun ideas (and even some special offers) from this venerable institution which is celebrating its 100th anniversary this year.

100 Ways for Children to Play Here are the next 10 in our list:

1. On a long car ride, look for license plates from every state.

7. Create a drawing using only the letters in your name.

2. Round up single socks to put on a puppet show.

8. Spin around and around on the grass until you fall down, and then watch the world swirl around you.

3. Fill spray bottles with water and some food coloring and paint the snow.

4. Have a parade at home with any drums or shakers you may have… or make your own instruments with pots, pans, wooden spoons, etc. March around the house singing songs you love and keeping the beat with your instruments!

5. Learn origami! Check out this link for some tips (wikihow.com/ Make-Origami).

6. Build a pillow fort and defend it from your stuffed animals.

46 AUGUST2013

9. See how many sounds you can make with objects in your kitchen.

10. Dig a hole in your yard and see what you find.

Early Childhood-A Time for Wonder and Discovery

by Boston Children’s Museum Staff

PHYSICAL SCIENCES ACTIVITY Experiment with a variety of objects to determine when the objects can stand and ways that objects can be balanced.

Try it: Offer a wide variety of building materials for kids to build with, including small and large boxes, other “recyclables” – anything you might have around that is safe to build with.

Present children with a design challenge like “make a bridge for the animals to get from the chair to the desk,” or “Who can build a tower taller than their own body?”

Free Fun Friday Boston Children’s Museum is participating in the 5th annual Free Fun Fridays program sponsored by the Highland Street Foundation. On Friday, August 2, 2013, Boston Children’s Museum will open its doors at no cost to visitors all day long.

10:00am to 5:00pm. Free Fun Fridays is a program that includes 60 museums and cultural venues across Massachusetts. Each Friday this summer, there will be six venues open for free. The program begins Friday, June 28th and runs through Friday, August 30th. For the full program schedule and to learn more about Free Fun Fridays, please visit: highlandstreet.org.

Celebrate Boston Children’s Museum’s 100th birthday with a Giant Birthday Party. Make party hats. Sing birthday songs. Inside the Museum enjoy three floors of interactive exhibits. Outside, street performers will entertain you along the boardwalk. KidStage will feature Vento Chiaro, a world class woodwind quintet, in the morning, and original plays performed by live actors in the afternoon.

Climb and explore. Find different paths. And challenge yourself to go higher and higher! This incredible 3-story climbing sculpture is made of flowing curved platforms, rising up through the glass lobby of Boston Children’s Museum and inviting children to scamper and scale this vertical maze. Children are both challenged and delighted as they attempt safe risk-taking and find their way through the 3D, full body puzzle Estimating space, planning moves, and looking for the best path are all part of the learning in the New Balance Climb. And parents can join in as they follow the route alongside the sculpture, encouraging their children to find their way and try different paths, all while enjoying a fantastic panorama of downtown Boston.

DADDING ON THE GO:

TRAVEL BINGO

by Tim Porter, Project Director, Boston Children’s Museum Ah, summertime. Warm weather, outdoor play and…the family road trip. Do you and your kids look forward to or do you dread long rides in the car? Keeping your kids engaged and learning without resorting to motion-sickness-inducing distractions IS possible, and can be fun.

Whether you are taking a long trip in a car, on a train, or even in an airplane this simple activity, adapted from Boston Children’s Museum’s Beyond the Chalkboard website (BeyondTheChalkboard.com) helps kids practice observing, collecting data, predicting, problem solving and critical thinking, as well as literacy skills like communicating and writing. Oh, and grown-ups can play too!

You will need: Blank sheets of paper (or print out game sheets from the website above) Pencils or pens Before you leave on your awesome trip (you can do this while you’re traveling if you need to) print out several copies of the travel bingo game sheet by going to the website above; or gather several sheets of blank paper and draw grids on them measuring 4 boxes across and 4 boxes down, kind of like a large 4 X 4 tic-tac-toe grid. Hand a grid to each child (and you should make one too), and ask them to predict the kinds of things they might see outside the window of your car, the train or the airplane while you are traveling.

Will they see people? Garbage trucks? Giraffes? Aliens? Encourage them to think of both living and nonliving things, and encourage them to be creative—rather than just saying “a person,” try “a person with a blue shirt,” etc. Each animal, person or thing that they predict they will see should go into one of the boxes of their grid. Leave any two boxes empty and put a ‘?’ in them. All other boxes should have something that they predicted in them. If it’s a long trip, have each player make a few additional grids. Players can repeat predicted people, animals or things on each grid; and should try to think about where in the grid they place each item. Strategy might matter.

Make sure to pack these grids, and pencils or pens, before you go! Don’t forget clean underwear, too.

While you are traveling, pull out the grids and play (sorry driver…keep those eyes on the road). Resting the paper on a book or magazine might be helpful. Players should look for the objects on their cards.

When a player sees something that she predicted she would see outside the window, she should mark that square on her sheet with a pencil or pen. The squares with a ‘?’ in them are “wild cards”: any time a player sees something that she wasn’t expecting to see, she can write that down in one of these squares. The first player to get 4 items in a row across, down or diagonally should yell out “Bingo!” (or “I’m Awesome!” or “Wheeeee!”). Share with each other what you observed. And then, play again with the same sheets or with new ones. Oh, and happy travels!

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Kids Day August 24th • 2-5pm

Downtown Leominster

Join us for an afternoon of FUN to ring in the new school year! ✺ Games, arts and crafts, fun activities, tasty treats, bouncy houses, giveaways and so much more… ✺ Browse various informational booths with local kid-friendly businesses, clubs and organizations!

Please also join us at our other community events: Leominster’s Annual Ladies Night Out Celebration: August 15th from 5-9pm, downtown Leominster and beyond. Fashion show at Leominster City Hall starts at 8pm…Just for the ladies!

One of the Top 10 Family Resorts in the U.S. — FamilyFun Magazine Reader Survey

This Summer discover why we’re America’s Family ResortSM! Call Toll Free Today!

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Johnny Appleseed Festival: September 28th, 9-5pm.

Downtown Leominster. Crafters, international food and unending activities for kids of all ages.

Sholan Farms Opening Weekend: Aug 24th & 25th,10:00am – 5:30pm.

1125 Pleasant Street in Leominster. You waited all summer – now come get your favorite apples!

“You Pick Where Johnny Appleseed Planted.”

For more information on these and other events, please call the Mayor’s Office (978) 534-7500 and visit www.leominsterevents.com

The Performing Arts

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50 AUGUST2013

The

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An irresistible introduction to the most renowned of ballets

N utcracker

Open Auditions

Dancers age 7+ to prof â&#x20AC;&#x201D; No fees!

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Concord Sept 8 Worcester Sept 22 See website for other locations

Littleton Perf Arts Ctr Oct 27 Andover Collins Center Nov 3 Sudbury TBA

Performances Fall River BCC Arts Ctr Dec 1 Sudbury Rogers at LSRHS TBA Littleton Perf Arts Ctr Dec 14 Worcester Mechanics Hall Dec 15 Andover Collins Ctr Dec 21 & 22

Reserved seats: $18 Ch & Sr, $24 Ad â&#x20AC;˘ Group Discounts â&#x20AC;˘ Youth Group Programs

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;This is not your ordinary childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s chorus, but one that sings with lovely phrasing, matched vowel sounds, precise entrances and releases and excellent intonation.â&#x20AC;? - Worcester Telegram & Gazette

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The Worcester Childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Chorus at Assumption College.

Come spend time with your kids in our exciting family classesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; a rich musical environment that encourages your child to explore the joy of music.

Find out what beautiful music you and your family can make together.

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D anc e P rism 2013â&#x20AC;&#x201D; exciting programs for families

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BAYSTATEPARENT 53

FINALLYFOREVER

Giving a Child a Home: What You Can Do to Help Foster Children in Massachusetts by tracey prohaska carroll

W

hen a child lays their head down at night, they should be tucked into bed with the comfort of knowing they’ll be in the same house and in the same bed the next night as well. Unfortunately, thousands of foster children in Massachusetts consider that a privilege they long to have. These kids are bright, loving, and who through no fault of their own are in need of a dependable household. Maybe you’ve thought about welcoming a child into your home either temporarily to help them on their journey or permanently to grow your family. Even if fostering or adopting a child isn’t something you’re ready to begin the process of right now, there are so many other ways you can help.

Bridget Chiaruttini is a licensed social worker and director of Child and Family Services for the Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange, Inc (M.A.R.E.). She has been with M.A.R.E. for over three years and her main focus is to raise awareness for children in foster care who are traditionally harder to place.

These include sibling groups and older children.

“When there is a case of abuse or neglect, the Department of Children and Families (commonly known as D.C.F.) investigates,” Chiaruttini says.

“If they conclude that abuse or neglect is present, the child or children are placed into foster care. It’s always the intention to give the birth family time to stabilize so the children can then return.”

Chiaruttini says that if the birth family can’t do that, then the process of having their birth rights terminated begins. If the parents don’t willingly sign over their rights, then a court case to show that rights should be terminated ensues. This can be a long, drawn out process that can go on as long as two years.

“We start looking at that point for a long-term family. It’s hard because we have to tell prospective parents that this may not be their forever child. There is a risk taken on by the adoptive family. We can’t make 54 AUGUST2013

promises that the court will hear our case and decide to terminate rights,” Chiaruttini says.

In addition to a huge emotional challenge foster parents face, children also face more than their fair share of trials.

“A lot of the time kids have been in multiple foster homes before adoption even becomes a possibility for them.

So the kids aren’t always optimistic when a forever home becomes available. They’ve been disappointed so many times before. This leads to having attachment struggles and foster parents having to help kids learn to trust and let their guard down.

It takes patience, persistence and a therapeutic approach to parenting,” she says.

Chiaruttini points out other difficulties that may come into play for foster or adoptive parents. She says you need to have a certain amount of selflessness, figuring out a way to meet the child’s needs while meeting your own adult needs. It may be hard not to take things personally as you work together to rebuild trust and confidence. The result she says though can be all the more rewarding for the hard work.

Lindsey Brynjolfsson is a Wendy’s Wonderful Kids Recruiter. She is one of two that M.A.R.E. has who are based out of their Springfield location and are funded by a grant through the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. Lindsey has a bachelor’s degree in psychology, a master’s degree in social work and has known she wanted to work with foster children since she first volunteered at an adoption event.

“I was working directly with the kids and loved it,” she says.

Today she has a caseload of about 20 kids on active status and is very hands on in the placement process.

She makes contacts daily, speaking to pre-adoptive families and building relationships with them in hopes of placement. Factors that make the process tough can have a lot to do with expectations, she says.

“We generally know that the goal is adoption, but we have to figure

out what that means to the child.

One little boy had a family ready to adopt him, but his loyalty was to his birth mom. The family ended up becoming his legal guardians instead of adopting, so he wouldn’t feel bad.”

Figuring out the reality and what to expect is something Brynjolfsson says is imperative for both parties. In some cases you have to work to open the children up to moving outside of their current community, into a different race family or an entirely different family set up altogether.

“Families that don’t look the same have come a long way in helping the process. While it has a ways to go, the waning stigma attached to two-mom families or single parent homes has definitely helped,” she says.

Brynjolfsson points out that an adoptive or foster family can be made up of all types. One particularly heartwarming success story she shared was of a little boy who had been in foster care since he was 6 months old and was finally adopted at age 9.

“His pre-adoptive placement didn’t work out,” she says. “A family issue came up that wouldn’t allow them to pursue the adoption. Through it all-

trauma, loss of his biological family-he remained hopeful and open to a future family. The boy had acquired some undesirable behaviors, had a mental health diagnosis and was on meds that needed managing. When a twodad family from Connecticut became available as a possibility for adoption he didn’t need any explanation and was completely open to the possibility.

The parents were pursuing another child at the time, and it began to look like it wasn’t going to work out.

Three months later, I followed up and found out that the other adoption fell through. We put it all out there for the dads and advocated for him and after nine months of visiting every day the placement happened. One of the first things the boy told me after being adopted was that he could breathe easier because a weight had been lifted.”

When asked about other challenges she faces in trying to find forever homes for her kids, Brynjolfsson says that there’s always a need for adoption competent professionals, especially in the post-adoptive services. Obviously, the need for more adoptive families is big, as well as families who have a

real understanding of kids’ needs and having the support they need.

“It would be great to have the kids move through the system in a more timely fashion. New practices are in the works to enable that to happen,” Brynjolfsson says.

As far as ways you can help, there are a range of options. If you’d like more information about fostering or becoming adoptive parents, contact the Department of Children and Family to learn more about the process. If you aren’t in the position to make that kind of commitment, but want to be hands on, you can volunteer to be a mentor. Mentors are not permanent and they help foster kids coming of legal age to maneuver the real world. Whether it’s an invitation to Thanksgiving Dinner, or help figuring out how to pay bills, you can teach valuable life skills that matter.

Foster care reviewers are also in need at every D.C.F. office. You can be a voice as a community volunteer with

fresh eyes to look over the cases every six months to make sure the child and everyone involved is doing what they need to be doing. Raising awareness is also a task you can take on. Host a Heart Gallery Photo Exhibit or become involved in Wednesdays Child (visit Mareinc.org to learn more), invite speakers from adoption organizations to speak at your office or attend an informal brown bag lunch meeting. You can also volunteer to work at adoption parties sponsored by M.A.R.E. and of course, donate to the cause directly or through participating in their yearly Walk for Adoption.

Tracey Prohaska Carroll is a freelance writer, wife and mother of one from Athol. She enjoys spending time with her family at the lake home they’re fixing up. When she’s not writing, filling the roles of wife or mother, you’ll find her listening to music, reading or boxing for fitness.

You can reach her at traceywrites@mass.rr.com.

Resources on Massachusetts foster care and adoption: adoptuskids.org mass.gov/dcf fosterparentcollege.com mareinc.org M.A.R.E. is hosting an adoption party on Monday, Aug. 19 at Ironstone Farms in North Andover. It is open to the public. This is an opportunity for families to learn more about foster care adoption and speak with social workers, as well as get to know some of the great children/teens who are waiting for adoption. This party is at a therapeutic horseback riding facility and will be specifically for children/teens waiting for adoption who have medical and developmental needs. For more information, visit mareinc.org.

AUGUST’SCHILD Justin is a 7-year-old Latino boy who loves to smile and has a charming personality. However, due to a traumatic brain injury he suffered at age 1, Justin is delayed in all areas of functioning. He is able to walk with assistance and sometimes on his own when his legs are strong enough.

Justin loves music, swimming and being around other people.

Although he can’t always participate, Justin enjoys watching others and likes having lots of different things to look at. For the most part Justin is a happy child, but can become frustrated when he is not able to do the things he wants to do. Justin is in a specialized school program and has an extensive Individualized Educational Plan (IEP).

Justin has numerous doctor appointments each month and requires total physical care so a two-parent home is needed. His worker is searching for a family that can commit to helping Justin reach his full potential throughout the course of his life, all the while

Justin showering him with the love and attention he so deserves.

For more information on Justin please contact Department of Children and Families (DCF) Adoption Supervisor Karen Greaney at (508) 929-2000. The DCF Office in Worcester holds monthly informational meetings about the adoption process. The next meeting is scheduled for Monday, August 12th from 6 – 7:30 p.m. Please call (508) 929-2143 to register.

AUGUSTCIRCLEOFFRIENDS Adoption from Foster Care Information Open House. Tuesday, Aug. 6, 4 to 6 p.m. Massachusetts Department of Children and Families (DCF) – Springfield, 140 High St., 5th floor, Springfield.

Learn how you can change the future of a child in need by becoming a foster or adoptive parent with the Massachusetts Department of Children and Families. For more information, call 413-452-3369.

Boston Adoption Informational Meetings – DCF. Wednesday, Aug. 21, 4 to 6 p.m.

Massachusetts Department of Children and Families (DCF) – Boston, 451 Blue Hill Ave., Dorchester.

Learn how you can change the future of a child in need by becoming a foster or adoptive parent with the Massachusetts Department of Children and Families. For more information, call Marsha Donovan, LCSW ,617-989-9209.

We are Family: A post-adoption support group. Thursday, Aug. 15, 7 to 9 p.m. First Connections: on the Emerson Hospital Campus, Route 2, Concord. A monthly support and education group for parents who are caring for foster

children, have adopted a child at age 3 or older, or whose adopted child is now over age 5. For more information, call Mary Rowlinson at 978-287-0221, ext. 218.

Adoption Learn & Play: Monthly Support Group. First Connections: on the Emerson Hospital Campus, Route 2, Concord. A support and education group for parents with adopted children age 5 and under. During the parent discussion time, children are welcome to play in a supervised play room. The facilitated group is a supportive environment where adoptive parents can meet and share resources with other adoptive families. For more information, call Mary Rowlinson at 978-287-0221, ext. 218.

MAPP Training at Children’s Friend. Aug. 1, 6 to 9 p.m. 21 Cedar St., Worcester. This is a 10-week class that meets one evening per week. For more information, call Sue Uryasz at 508-753-5425.

Please submit September’s adoption-related events

by Thursday, Aug. 1 at baystateparent.com (click calendar/submit an event).

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Child Care Centers and Preschools

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Mediation is what we do. Specializing in marital and family conflict resolution, we are experts at giving you the support, information and guidance you need to turn conflict into an opportunity to create optimum choices for your future.

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Photograph by Michael Stone

Fa mily Portraits

Private School When you decide it’s time to have a beautiful and enduring portrait taken of your family, Michael Stone is the gifted and talented portrait artist you deserve. His understanding and enjoyment of people shows in his captivating portraits. His “stunningly beautiful” work is his trademark, spanning over 30 years. Reward yourself and your family with a timeless family heirloom masterfully created and hand finished by this dedicated, sensitive artist. Call for your complimentary session.

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INDEX

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Acton Bowladrome .........................................19 Applegate Organics ..................................47, 60 Applewild School ...........................................33 Athletes for Autism.........................................11 Attorney Connors ...........................................22 Ballet Arts Worcester ................................35, 39 Becker College ..............................................14 Berkshire Hills Music Academy .........................23 Blossom Station ..............................................5 Bolton Fair......................................................2 Boroughs JCC ................................................37 Boston Ballet ................................................52 Button Tree Kids ............................................47 Cambridge School ..........................................41 Canobie Lake Park .........................................19 Charlotte Klein...............................................49 Childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Garden/VNA...................................45 Childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Meeting House................................28 City of Leominster..........................................48 Claytime.......................................................28 CoCoKey.........................................................9 Concord Academy ..........................................37 Cornerstone Academy .......................................3 Cre8 ............................................................36 Cutie Patuties Childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Consignment .................4 Dance Prizm .................................................51 Davis Farmland .........................................9, 17 DNE School of Dance .....................................11 Ecotarium .....................................................18 Elite Academy of Dance ..................................49 Fay School ...................................................28 Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Little Children Preschool .........................26

Health Alliance ..............................................26 Indian Hill Music School..................................51 Life is Good ..................................................18 Little Hands Academy .....................................33 Lowell Summer Music Series ...........................20 Lucy Johnson Fitzgerald Dance Studio...............28 Michael Stone Portraits...................................23 Mount Wachusett Community College...............43 Music Together ..............................................51 Next Generation Childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Center ....................45 Pakachaog Music School.................................49 Parent Solutions ............................................41 Paula Meola Dance and Performing Arts............50 Pawlak Law Office .........................................17 Ready Med/Relient .......................................25 Riverbend School ...........................................44 Salvadore Auto ..............................................23 Simon Mall ...................................................32 Skribbles ......................................................35 Smart Lunches ..............................................39 Smugglerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Notch Family Resort.......................48 Step in Time Daycare .....................................45 Summer Fenn ...............................................36 The Bridge of Central Massachusetts.................22 TLC Christian Preschool .....................................6 Wheelock Family Theatre................................50 Willard Clock.................................................20 Worcester Academy of Music ...........................49 Worcester JCC ...............................................33 Worcester Chorus ...........................................51 Wachusett Mountain ......................................59 YMCA of Central Masssachusetts ......................32

Ready to Return to the Work Force?

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Because weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re ready to expand.

E-mail Kathy Real for more information about full-time sales careers with the award-winning baystateparent magazine. sales@baystateparent.com 58 AUGUST2013

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