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OCTOBER 2015

BIRTH ORDER BASICS: BEWARE OF THE BABY! EXPERT ADVICE FOR KIDS HOME ALONE

Liam: The Sensational

Story Behind

the Bruins’ Biggest Fan PARENTS: HOMEWORK HELPERS OR HINDRANCES? AN ORGANIZED CHILD: HOW TO MAKE IT HAPPEN

Massachusetts’ Premier Magazine For Families Since 1996

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table of contents OCTOBER 2015 VOLUME 20

1.

3

NUMBER 6

things we learned

while making

the october issue

When infants engage in random movements with seemingly no clear purpose, this is actually the beginning of play. Head to page 66 to take a deep dive into the importance of play for children, the 16 (yes, 16!) different types of play, how it affects their development, and how kids benefit.

The “baby of the family” may be the youngest, but they yield an amazing amount of control over parents.

Experts say lastborns are tremendous actors and can — unbeknownst to parents — use their talents to easily wiggle their way out of work or chores. Turn to page 30 to discover more of “the baby’s” tips and tricks — and how to defend against them.

3.

2.

Mason Jars became a popular storage method for pioneers because cans were too expensive and difficult to reuse. While long-used for canning food, Mason Jars are having a moment, repurposed by families for a variety of uses all around the house.

On page 15, discover the many ways Mason Jars are making themselves indispensible.

features 14

Save The Teeth, Try Some Science: Three Fun Halloween Candy Science Experiments

30

Birth Order Basics: The Unlikely Mini Master Manipulator

36

Parents & Homework: Help or Hindrance?

54

Subscription Boxes Take Off: 8 Fun Finds For Families

56

Read Proud, Listen Proud: New Program Highlights Youth LGBT Literature

15 17

in every issue 8 10 12 13 20

WELCOME: A Letter from Our Editor

33

ASK THE EXPERT: Expanding the Pre-teen Picky Easter’s Palette

34

FINALLY FOREVER: The State of Adoption for LGBT Couples

35

OCTOBER’S CHILD: Meet Isabella

35

CIRCLE OF FRIENDS: Area Adoption Events

73

REEL LIFE WITH JANE: Family Movies Coming to Theatres in October

74

OUR OCTOBER FAVORITES: Facts, Finds and Freebies

7

MEET OUR CONTRIBUTORS SHOW & TELL: HubPlus & Zippy Sack BSP ONLINE OH, THE PLACES YOU’LL GO: October Calendar of Family Events

TAKE 8: Paranormal Investigator Dr. Vitka

very special people 40

Of Fist Bumps and Fundraising: Family turns viral video fame into awareness effort

44

Let’s Go: Museum Experiences for Families with Special Needs

46

Social Scenarios: Surprising Lessons Learned When Letting Go

48

Divorce & Single Parenting: Co-Parenting A Child With Special Needs

58

OUT MetroWest: Providing Community, Mentors for LGBTQ Youth

64

Nonprofit Puts ‘Families First’ Via Education, Resources

66

From Infancy On: The Many Perks of Play

68

Yes, You Can Teach Your Child To Be Organized

50

Artist Raises Money, Awareness for Autism

70

Safe, Secure & Solo: Tips For Children Home Alone

52

When Worried Parents Should Seek Professional Help For Their Children

53

How To Plan For a Family Member With a Disability

The Mason Jar’s Multiple Talents DISHIN’ WITH THE DIETITIAN: Living With Vs. Without: Going Gluten Free

18

BITES: New food coloring options for dyesensitive families, a gluten-free chicken tender recipe, a miracle whitening formula for your whites, and more BAYSTATEPARENT 7

Welcome

meet team publisher KIRK DAVIS associate publisher KATHY REAL 508-749-3166 ext. 331 kreal@baystateparent.com

creative editor in chief MELISSA SHAW 508-865-7070 ext. 201 editor@baystateparent.com creative director PAULA MONETTE ETHIER 508-865-7070 ext. 221 pethier@holdenlandmark.com senior graphic designer STEPHANIE MALLARD 508-865-7070 design@baystateparent.com multimedia editor HEATHER KEMPSKIE heather@baystateparent.com

advertising director of sales REGINA STILLINGS 508-865-7070 ext. 210 regina@baystateparent.com account executive MARIE COREY 508-735-0503 marie@baystateparent.com

I always hope that readers don’t skip stories we write because they think they’re irrelevant to their lives. “I haven’t adopted a kid, I don’t need to read an adoption story.” “My child doesn’t identify as LGBT, that doesn’t pertain to us.” “My son doesn’t play baseball, why would I need to read a sports story?”

Reading and editing over 100 stories for this magazine over the past year has taught me one thing: Parents are parents and kids are kids. Period. When you look, it’s astounding how many common denominators and threads link families regardless of the details of their lives. Just by talking to different communities of families outside of those where I naturally “reside” has made me more empathetic and informed.

For example, I used to write “special needs child” when describing a person, until I was gently cor-

rected by a parent, who noted the preferred description was “child with special needs.” On the face of it, you could argue that they’re the same, but really look. What comes first in the former? And what comes first in the latter? Just by adding one word and switching them up, you change everything. That is something I never would have known without talking to the parent of a child with special needs.

The best part of my job at baystateparent is, hands down, spreading information and awareness.

I love that through these pages and our Website, we can highlight people and organizations or programs and activities that can improve a family’s life. And I adore the fact that our writers tell stories and share news that make a reader think and, perhaps, learn something new about a community of parents with which they initially believe they have nothing in common, only to realize in the end: Hey, they’re just like me.

For example, this month we highlight a series of stories on families that have children with special needs. In one story, written by Wendy Bulawa Agudelo, she talks about how her 10-year-old daughter, who has Down syndrome, tried

to play with friends at a pool this summer, only to have them not-sosubtly reject her and swim away.

Wendy resisted every instinct to interfere and, instead, sat back and saw how her daughter handled the situation. (The result was ridiculously heartwarming — seriously, go read this story on page 46.)

My heart broke for Wendy and her daughter because I have a daughter the same age, who found herself in a very similar situation this summer. My heart ached for my child, just like Wendy’s ached for hers.

My daughter is neurotypical, yet Wendy’s story is universal; social scenarios and pitfalls happen to all children. It’s a tough fact of life that affects all kids as they grow, and all parents can find hope and encouragement in Wendy’s words and experiences. The universality of that experience made me sad and hopeful at the same time.

Reading about others’ experiences in areas that differ from yours yields information, extinguishes ignorance, and encourages empathy. And wouldn’t parenting be a little easier with a lot more of that?

M e li ss a

Melissa Shaw, Editor

account executive KATHY PUFFER 508-865-7070 ext. 211 kathy@baystateparent.com

presidents KIRK and LAURIE DAVIS photographers

this month’s cover story Meet Liam

STEVEN KING SHAWNA SHENETTE

is published monthly with a main office at 22 West Street, Millbury, MA 01527 It is distributed free of charge throughout Massachusetts.

baystateparent.com Find us on:

Liam Fitzgerald of Northborough gained international fame last fall thanks to a viral video shot by a stranger at a November Bruins game. Since then, Liam and his family, including mom Christine (right), have parlayed the attention into big money raised for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and the need for opportunity and awareness for people who have Down syndrome. Head to page 40 to read the amazing story behind the Bruins' biggest fan and his tireless family. cover photo

BY

8 OCTOBER2015

Shawna Shenette

PHOTOGRAPHY

Cornerstone Academy Educating all learners in grades K-6

An elementary preparatory school that celebrates the individual.

OPEN HOUSE November 15th • 1-3 p.m.

At Cornerstone, we bring learning to life!

At Cornerstone, we inspire our students to break out of the box and the classroom!

• Offering Transitional Kindergarten and full • Highly qualified faculty trained to adapt curriculum to your child’s ability. day Kindergarten through Grade 6 curriculum.

• Intellectually enriching environment.

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• Solid academic foundation complemented by • State of the art technology utilized in all classrooms. art, Spanish, music and physical fitness.

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OCTOBER CONTRIBUTORS On page 46, writer and Andover mother of three Wendy Bulawa Agudelo shares her personal experience in letting go and standing back when her daughter with Down syndrome faced a difficult social situation.

Jane Boursaw is the film critic and editor-in-chief of ReelLifeWithJane. com. On page 73 she gets you up to date on what’s coming to theatres this month.

FALL VENDOR FAIR

Saturday, October 17 10am - 4pm

Visit with local businesses and learn what new products and services they have to offer this Fall & Holiday season

Would you like to join us?

Call today a limited number of spaces remain available 978.537.7500 MALL WIDE TRICK OR TREAT

Saturday, October 31 4:30pm - 6:00pm This event is for children under the age of 12 and must be accompanied by an adult

Burlington, JC Penney, Macy’s, Sears, Toys R Us & 60 specialty shops 100 Commercial Rd. Leominster, MA At the junction of Route 2 & I -190 978.537.7500

10 OCTOBER2015

Dr. Mary Brown is a pediatrician at the Floating Hospital for Children at Tufts Medical Center and an assistant professor at Tufts University School of Medicine. She specializes in general pediatrics and adolescent medicine, and has an expertise in caring for children with special health care needs. In this month’s Ask The Expert column on page 33, she offers advice on how to expand a pre-teen picky eater’s palette without tears or frustration.

Writer Amanda Collins is the editor of one of baystateparent’s sister publications, The Millbury-Sutton Chronicle. This month, she profiles a Massachusetts nonprofit that offers free parenting resources and education to families. Read her story on page 64.

Writer and mother of two Michele Bennett Decoteau this month tackles an important issue on page 52 — determining when concerned parents should reach out to mental health professionals about their child.

On page 14, she shares three fun science experiments families can conduct with all that incoming Halloween candy.

Jennifer Sheehy Everett of Melrose is mom to an active toddler, wife to husband John, and a public relations and crisis management veteran of 20 years. On page 36, talks to educators about how parents can help homework — and, more importantly, what pitfalls they should avoid.

Janine Halloran is a licensed mental health counselor and mom of two.

She started her business, Encourage Play (encourageplay.com), in December 2013, offering practical resources and simple and easy play ideas to help kids learn social skills through play. On page 66, Janine explains the development of play in children and the incredible benefits they derive.

Patrice Fagnant-MacArthur is a freelance writer, blogger and homeschooling mother of three who grew up in Chicopee and has called Springfield home for many years. On page 44 she highlights Massachusetts destinations that offer specific times, accommodations, and offerings for children with special needs.

Frederick M. Misilo, Jr., is chair of the Trust and Estate Department and the Special Needs Planning and Advocacy Practice Group at Fletcher Tilton, PC. His practice is in the areas of special needs planning, estate planning, elder law, trust administration, and guardianship issues.

On page 53, he offers advice on how to plan for a family member with a disability.

Kimberly Petalas is the assistant editor at one of baystateparent’s sister publications, The Landmark newspaper in Holden. A 2013 graduate of Hofstra University, she graduated with a BA in print and broadcast journalism. On page 50, Kimberly profiles an artist with autism who is creating artwork to raise money for the cause.

Attorney Irwin M. Pollack is founder and lead attorney of Pollack Law Group, P.C. (PollackLawGroup.com) and a divorced father himself. He shares insights and information about co-parenting on his weekly radio talk show, Talking About Divorce. On page 48, Irwin examines key considerations for those co-parenting children with special needs.

Massachusetts mom Leslie Reichert is known as the Green Cleaning Coach and is aiming to change the world — “one spray bottle at a time.” A national lecturer and author of The Joy Of Green Cleaning, you can find her at greencleaningcoach.com, on Facebook (GreenCleaningCoach), Twitter (@GreenCleanCoach), and Pinterest (cleaningcoach). On page 18, she shares her Miracle Laundry Whitening recipe.

On page 68, Rutland-based writer and mother of three Kathy Sloan talks to a Cape Cod mother of three who wrote the book on how parents can teach their children to get — and stay — organized.

Abbey Tiderman is a writer, editor, and social media strategist who lives in Wilbraham with her husband and two young sons. On page 30 she continues her multi-part series on birth order, taking a look at the very powerful youngest-born child.

Berkshire County resident and writer Alexandra Townsend offers a trio of stories for readers this month. On page 34, she examines the state of adoption for same-sex couples. She follows on page 56 with a look at publisher Penguin Random House’s online literature resource for LGBT youth. And on page 58, she profiles a MetroWest nonprofit that offers mentoring and community for LGBT youth.

Got a story idea? Interested in contributing to baystateparent?

Contact editor@baystateparent.com.

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BAYSTATEPARENT 11

SHOW & TELL The Two-Second Bed-Making Solution

Avoid Becoming A Dreaded Smart Phone Statistic The average person checks their phone 110 times a day. It’s no wonder that 77% of smartphone users’ battery dies by 4 p.m. each day.

Don’t be a statistic: Check out the slick, compact HubPlus portable charger from myCharge. It arrived pre-charged with 48 hours of charging power to talk, text, browse, and play waiting for me. No cords to unravel, it’s equipped with builtin wall prongs and two micro-USB chargers so you can power up two devices at once. As a consistent single-digit battery user, the HubPlus provided piece of mind and, more

importantly, much-needed power for my always-on phone. The HubPlus retails at $99 and is available at myCharge.com. Need more juice?

Upgrade to the HubMax ($129 with 67 hours of charging power) or HubUltra ($149 with 90 hours).

— Heather (heather@baystateparent.com)

Infants Toddlers Preschool Kindercam in every classroom!

We have cameras in every classroom that parents can log onto throughout the day and watch their children at the center!

Bed making can be a sticking point for parents and kids, but a new product, Zippy Sack from Toy Island, makes a least-favorite chore a cinch.

Made from soft, machine-washable fleece, Zippy Sack slips over a mattress and fitted sheet. At bedtime, kids zip themselves inside like a sleeping bag, avoiding the trouble of blankets and comforters sliding off or getting twisted. Zippy Sack even features a pocket on the side

into which kids can slip a book or other bedtime favorite. In the morning, kids unzip, step out, zip up and the bed is made, transformed into a cute character, such as Kitty, Puppy, Dino, Panda, Robot, and more. Zippy Sack comes in two sizes, $29.99 (twin), $39.99 (full) and can be found at zippysack.com or in stores.

— Melissa (melissa@baystateparent)

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Woburn (781) 932-1070 23 Warren Ave.

bsp ONLiNE Catch Liam in Action Get Spooked With Us We braved the ghostly tales of Salem’s past and joined Dr. Vitka of Spellbound Tours on a 90-minute walk through the side alleys and graveyards of this infamous North Shore town. Read all about Dr. V’s favorite ghosts, hidden secrets, and what hauntings you can expect on Halloween night on page 78.

Or if you’re feeling particularly brave, you can take a look at our behind-the-scenes tour highlights and catch some of the freaky action! Head to baystateparent.com/DrVitka (if you dare).

Our adorable cover model (aka the Boston Bruins’ biggest fan) Liam Fitzgerald delighted everyone here at baystateparent when he visited our office last month. A friendly game of hockey between our fearless editor-inchief preceded his cover shoot, where he waved his hat and naturally struck poses wearing that mesmerizing grin. And later a line of bsp staffers formed to get an autographed copy of his official Upper Deck trading card. Check out our behind-the-scenes video of Liam’s visit at baystateparent.com.

Halloween Fun Gather up your ghouls and goblins and head to baystateparent.com/ Halloween2015 for our giant listing of all the spooky and spectacular fun you can handle this month. From Frankenstein 5Ks to spooky trails and pumpkin festivals, let’s make this holiday last all month!

Heather Kempskie, Multimedia Editor, heather@baystateparent.com

Cookies & Tea with Clara SUNDAY, NOV 15 Reservations Required

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Trick or Try

3 Halloween Candy Science Experiments for Families

BY MICHELE BENNETT DECOTEAU Save yourself and your kids from over-indulging in those adorable, irresistible bite-sized candies and instead use them in the name of science.

Here are three candy experiments arranged from simplest to most complex. If your child has food allergies of any kind, consider adding latexfree gloves for safety and to set the stage.

Science is a pathway to learning about the world and making sense of your environment. Science gives structure to discoveries. Simply put, it is the process of asking a question, conducting an experiment to attempt

1. Sink and Float Gather: a container with water, a bunch of candy

Instructions: Sort the candy into two piles. One pile is the candy that you predict, or guess, will float. In the other, put candy you predict will sink.

Next, unwrap the candy and test your predictions one candy at a time. Leave the wrappers in the piles so you can see how you did with your predictions.

Older kids can draw or write down their predictions and make notes about whether they were correct.

Science content: Most candy will sink, including most candy bars and button-like candy.

A notable exception is a 3 Musketeers Bar. If you break open candy bars many are fairly solid, but 3 Musketeers are fluffy inside with lots of little pockets of air.

The air bubbles make the candy positively buoyant, or lighter than water. Other candy bars are negatively buoyant, or sinkers.

to answer that question, making observations, asking more questions, collecting data, analyzing that data, and checking back with your initial question again.

Research scientists — the folks with the fancy degrees and white coats — use very precise language to describe what they learn from asking questions. They utilize a lot of statistics and mathematics when they analyze their data, but they are still performing the exact same process of learning about the world that young scientists use.

2. The Sourest Many candies, especially at Halloween, come with claims that they are super, mega, ultra sour.

But which is the most sour of all?

Gather: Water, a muffin tin, water, baking soda, measuring spoon and cups, sour candy Instructions: First, make your prediction and order the candy from most to least sour. Fill the muffin cups with one quarter to one-third cup of water; make sure they all have the same amount. Add a teaspoon of baking soda to each one and mix. Next, add the candy into the mixture one at a time and one per muffin cup.

What happened? Some of the candy will foam up like crazy and others will fizz for long periods of time.

Science content: The baking soda is a base and the candy contains acids similar to vinegar. When the two combine, a chemical reaction occurs and carbon dioxide is released. The more surface area that is exposed to the baking soda and water, the faster the carbon dioxide is released.

Some other questions older kids might be encouraged to explore, or use as a basis for a science fair project, might be examining the melting points of different candy, do different colors of M&Ms or Reece’s Pieces taste different, or is the color on a button candy just one color or many colors blended together?

3. Ms and Ss There is an urban legend — and what story about Halloween would be complete without at least

one — that the S on a Skittle will separate from the candy and float.

Here is how to test it.

Gather: a container with water (glass or opaque), Skittles and M&Ms Instructions: Ask your scientists to make prediction about what they think will happen. Will the S or M, stay on or float off the candy? Plunk Skittles and M&Ms into the water, but make sure that the letter is facing up. Now comes the hard part: Wait.

If you wait a few moments, first you will find that the color starts to come off the candy. If you have a glass container, you can put a white piece of paper under the candy to see this better. After a short time, the Ss and the Ms really do float off the candy and will rise to the surface of the water. If they don’t do anything for a while, you can try using a small paintbrush to encourage them to let go of the candy.

Science content: The glue holding the letters on the candy is water soluble — meaning it will break down in water. The letters are completely edible, but contain a small amount of oil, which is positively buoyant or lighter than water.

14 OCTOBER2015

THE MASON JAR’S

Multiple Talents

M

ason Jars are everywhere today, from big box stores, to craft stores, to hardware stores. They are remnants of a simpler time when our grandparents and other ancestors used them to preserve homemade pickles or a favorite jam. Today, Mason Jar fans say these round glass containers can do just about anything.

“Mason Jars are a cool, reusable, ubiquitous option,” says Greg Ralich, director of marketing for Somervillebased Cuppow, which makes drinking and lunchbox lids for the jars.

“Just about everyone has encountered these versatile jars in their home at one time or another.

Everything from Grandma’s fresh jams and jellies, Mom’s homemade tomato sauce, to Dad’s nuts and bolts storage. These jars have also become the rage in wedding décor and home décor,” adds Susan Brian of Methuen-based etsy retailer, BeadsBanglesNBags. “Mason Jars were intended for long-term food storage, but they have now become an alternative to plastic food-storage containers, which are hard to clean and hold bacteria.”

“Mason Jars have a simplistic, rustic feel,” notes Angie Gregory of Northampton, a mom of three and Mason Jar enthusiast. “They are

stackable, interchangeable, use the same lids, and are easy to repurpose.”

Whether you are attracted to Mason Jars for nostalgia, practicality, or their clean look, they are eminently useful for busy parents as sippy cups, travel mugs, snack containers, lunch, food or bathroom storage, and more.

“Mason Jars are more than just trendy,” Ralich says. “They are simple, accessible, and easier to reuse than to throw out. They really are part of a rising tide of environmental mindfulness.”

Care for a drink?

Coffee can be cold brewed and carried easily. A number of companies make special lids that turn Mason Jars into a travel mug, including a recycled plastic lid from Cuppow, which also offers a handled cozy and a coffee brewer designed to fit on wide-mouth or regular jars.

Other companies such as reCap and Cupture offer lids to repurpose the jars into other kitchen uses. reCap has a flip-top lid for pouring and Cupture makes a lid with a hole for a straw that fits tightly around the straw to prevent spilling, “Mason Jars are so well made, I never have to worry about a leak or spill,” says Elissa Surabian, owner of Mason Illustrations in Watertown.

Smoothies are another great use for

Photo courtesy Cuppow

Photo courtesy reCap

BY MICHELE BENNETT DECOTEAU

the jars. Many food bloggers and recipe writers design their recipes to fill two Mason Jars – one for now and one for tomorrow.

A new lunch option Mason Jar salads are quite popular with busy people who want to eat right. You can set up your salads for a whole week on a quiet day or after bedtime. Using quart-sized jars, begin by adding protein, such as chicken or chickpeas, followed by gorgeous layers of colorful greens, veggies and fruit. Dressing can go in the jar or in special lids from manufacturers such as Cuppow.

Capitalizing on the Mason Jar salad trend, BeadsBanglesNBags’ Brian makes and sells insulated bags designed just for carrying Mason Jar lunches. “Because the jars are glass they are good for both hot or cold food storage from cold beverages and salads to hot soups!” she says.

Everyday items and extra beauty The kitchen is hardly the only room to benefit from the Mason Jar’s surging popularity. Many stores now sell adapters that allow their contents to be hand pumped, such as lotion or soap in the bathroom.

Hardware stores also sell kits that turn Mason Jars into stylish lamps, both as the base and the light cover.

Many crafters and artists embellish the jars with stickers or chalkboard paint, etchings, or traditional paint.

But the lids can be a source of beauty in storage, as well.

“I love incorporating art and functionality into life,” Mason Illustrations’ Surabian says. “Mason Illustrations was designed to do just that. It adds personality, style and color to your jar.”

The jars can be used for crafts, as well, to hold sand and treasures BAYSTATEPARENT 15

Ahoy, Mateys!

Get Your Booty To Our Pirate Maze

Flashlight Nights Friday & saturday Nights

• Free Pumpkin Chunkin Event October 3 • Trick or Treat Hayride October 24 • Doggie Costume Parade October 31 • New bakery • Farm Animals • Fully stocked farmstand grown on the farm

• S’mores Campfire Parties • Book parties • Field Trips

Marini Farm Ipswich MA • 978-238-9386 www.marinifarm.com marinifarmcornmaze@yahoo.com 16 OCTOBER2015

from the beach, or as a gratitude jar holding slips of paper containing moments we recorded. Last month, reCap launched a Kickstarter campaign to fund a new lid called Explore. Designed to fit regular mouth Mason Jars, Explore is a removable, magnifying, glow-in-thedark lid with breathe holes that would allow kids (and adults) to get a closer look at bugs, butterflies, frogs, fireflies, or any other nature that will fit.

The containers also have a long history of being a practical place

for dry storage. With a lid, they are airtight and mouse-proof, making the jars a great place to store dry goods like beans, flour, rice, or even popcorn. The clear jar also lets you see the contents so you know when to get more or just enjoy the beauty of the contents’ colors and shapes.

“The jars are great for storing dried herbs for teas,” Gregory says.

“It is easy to identify what is in it. No matter what I put in them, I am reassured that it will be safe and I have a feeling they are well preserved.”

History of Mason Jars Preserving in glass jars is a long-standing alternative to ceramic or one-timeuse tin cans. Our pioneering forbearers were too fugal to routinely soldier the harvested goods into cans that were both expensive and difficult to reuse.

The whole idea of canning is to preserve the bounty of summer and fall through the winter. To do that, you need a seal that keeps bacteria out and is tightly sealed.

In the 1800s, reusable glass jars became quite popular and used many different closures from the zinc lids, glass and wire bail jars you find today, as well as other closures that used wax to help make a good seal. Currently the USDA and the Ball Mason Company do not recommend the use of these for home canning as they don’t reliably produce a good seal.

In 1858, John Landis Mason developed the threaded jars for canning. This allowed for reliable seals and led to the invention of the lid and ring system used today. Most Mason Jars are made by the Ball Jardin Company.

How do you use Mason Jars? Send a photo to heather@baystateparent.com and we’ll post ideas all month. One participant will receive a special gift!

Sholan Farms Annual Harvest Weekend Festival October 10th-12th • 10am-4pm Entertainment on Sundays throughout the season U Pick Apples • Hiking • Seasonal Produce & Pumpkins Free Wagon Rides • School Tours & Outings

Come Enjoy a Picnic on out Beautiful Grounds!

Twilight Hikes (Weather permitting) Oct. 9th • 8pm Sholan Farms

Open 7 days a week 10am-5pm

1125 Pleasant St. Leominster • 978-840-3276 • www.sholanfarms.com Like us on facebook

Sponsored by the Friends of Sholan Farms

Dishin’ with the Dietitian

Living With Vs. Without:

Going Gluten Free

BY CARRIE TAYLOR, RDN, LDN

Is your family following a glutenfree diet? Should you be?

Many people have heard about the gluten-free diet, while others have started to integrate gluten-free foods into their meals because they believe they are healthier. Some may have a child diagnosed with a medical condition in which they have been recommended by a medical professional, friend or family member to go gluten free. Whatever your reasoning is, let’s discuss what eating gluten free truly means.

Gluten Free Can Be Tasty Are you able to continue eating a variety of healthful, nutrient-rich, delicious-tasting foods after going gluten free? Absolutely. In fact, many may find they eat more fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains when following a gluten-free meal plan. Not what you’ve heard?

Well, that could be due to the fact that many tend to focus on what you can’t have when going gluten free vs. what you can.

Naturally gluten-free foods are those without wheat, rye or barely, or ingredients made from them.

This includes foods in their natural state (i.e., without any added ingredients) like vegetables, fruit, fish, shellfish, beans, nuts, poultry, beef, pork, and whole grains such as rice, wild rice, quinoa, buckwheat, amaranth, teff, millet, and gluten-free oats. Most dairy foods would be included, such as milk, cheese, and

yogurt, as long as they are free from gluten-containing added ingredients.

Gluten-free versions of packaged foods, such as pasta, bread and frozen pizza as well as medications, like multivitamins and prescription drugs, are available. You’ll find more gluten-free products on shelves now than ever before.

Manufacturers have had to become experts at developing better tasting, better functioning gluten-free versions of common favorite foods.

The result is greater variety for the gluten-free shopper.

For the past year, gluten-free labeling has been in effect in the United States. This means any product claiming to be gluten free must contain less than 20 parts per million (ppm) gluten per serving. Therefore, when shopping for gluten-free packaged foods, verify the manufacturer is in fact claiming the item is gluten free.

Who Should Consider a Gluten Free Meal Plan?

Who should be following a glutenfree meal plan? First and foremost, individuals formally diagnosed with celiac disease and/or dermatitis herpetiformis. Celiac disease is an autoimmune disorder in which the small intestine is attacked by one’s immune system when gluten is ingested. Dermatitis herpetiformis is a skin condition in which individuals develop a blistering rash when

eating gluten-containing food.

There is a condition called nonceliac gluten intolerance that is thought to affect more people than celiac disease and dermatitis herpetiformis combined. This could be why many people feel and perform better when eating gluten free voluntarily — regardless of a formal diagnosis.

What about someone who feels better when they eat gluten free? Or children diagnosed with conditions such as attention deficit hyperactivity (ADHD) or autism spectrum disorders?

This holds true for children diagnosed with ADHD and autism. The jury is still out on whether a glutenfree diet is an appropriate option for all children with these diagnoses or if some children simply react positively on the meal plan due to underlying undiagnosed non-celiac gluten intolerance.

The upside to non-celiac gluten intolerance is that individuals may not be at greater risk for developing autoimmune disorders such as diabetes and thyroid disease. The downside is that their body may react similarly to gluten as one would with celiac disease. All of the possible symptoms associated with celiac disease, from migraines and fatigue to bloating and diarrhea, may still happen. For this reason, it is imperative patients rule out celiac disease as the cause for symptoms before going gluten free.

Remaining on a gluten-containing meal plan until formerly diagnosed with non-celiac gluten intolerance

is much easier said than done. The importance cannot be dismissed, though. If one goes gluten free prior to receiving appropriate blood work and an endoscopy, this may cause false negative results. Therefore, a person may never know if they are at an increased risk for malnutrition and other autoimmune disorders.

Nor will parents know if they can file a 504 Plan to ensure their child receives accommodations at school, such as access to gluten-free food and art supplies.

Finding Help To Start If you or a family member has been diagnosed with celiac disease, dermatitis herpetiformis or non-celiac gluten intolerance, there are plenty of resources at your disposal. From various national celiac organizations, local support groups from the New England Celiac Organization (NECO), and registered dietitians seasoned in the art of eating, shopping, and cooking gluten-free, there is a solid network to help you begin your journey to a healthier, happier gluten free you.

Carrie Taylor is the lead registered dietitian nutritionist for the Living Well Eating Smart program at Big Y Foods. Have a nutrition question?

E-mail livingwell@bigy.com or write Living Well at 2145 Roosevelt Ave, PO Box 7840, Springfield 01102.

BAYSTATEPARENT 17

New Food Coloring Options for

Dye-Sensitive Families There’s good news for families allergic or sensitive to artificial food dyes. Oregon-based, womenowned business ColorKitchen has announced a new series of decorative food colors containing no artificial dyes.

The company offers a variety of colors, from pastel to holiday-themed, each packet containing enough to decorate a dozen cookies, cupcakes, and other baked goods; they can also be used as

Bites

a glaze. The botanical food colors are made with turmeric, beet, and spirulina extracts, and are available now at colorkitchenfoods.com.

ColorKitchen products are also non-GMO, gluten-free, and vegan. Prices range from $2.99 for single-color packets to $11.99 for a Holiday Icing Coloring set.

Gluten-Free Chicken Tenders

Can BPA

Affect Parenting?

(sauteed or baked) Serves 3-4

Ingredients 1 pound boneless skinless chicken breast or tenders 2 tablespoons white rice flour 2 tablespoons potato starch ½ teaspoon sea or kosher salt ¼ teaspoon ground black pepper 1 large egg 1 tablespoon milk or milk substitute, plain and unsweetened 2 cups corn flakes, crushed or ground up 1-2 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil for sautéing

Shake excess. Dip in egg and then corn flake crumbs.

4. To saute: Place 1 tablespoon of oil in a large sauté pan. Set to medium heat.

Add chicken pieces, but don’t crowd pan. Turn once and cook until heated through.

Directions

To bake: Preheat oven to 425°F and prepare a baking sheet with parchment paper or a silicone baking sheet. For crispier tenders, drizzle with 2-3 teaspoons of olive or vegetable oil. Bake for 15-18 minutes or until golden brown and crisp, turning once.

1. Slice chicken breasts into strips; if using tenders, proceed to the next step.

Pat dry if wet.

5. To keep tenders warm or to crisp up, place tenders on a baking sheet and place in a 350°F oven for 5-10 minutes.

2. Mix flour, starch, salt, and pepper in a shallow bowl. Place egg and milk in another shallow bowl and beat lightly.

Place corn flake crumbs in another shallow bowl.

This and 150 other gluten-free favorites can be found in author Amy Fothergill’s The Warm Kitchen, a comprehensive cookbook filled with tips, step-by-step instructions, family friendly dishes, and even guidance on how to stock a glutenfree pantry. For more information visit amythefamilychef.com.

3. Bread the chicken. Take 3-4 pieces of chicken and first dip in flour mixture.

A Marshmallow for

Allergy-Affected Families The first Non-GMO Project Verified marshmallows on the market, Dandies are made with all-natural ingredients and completely free of gelatin, artificial ingredients, and high fructose corn syrup. The goodies boast a label that will make allergy-affected families happy, as they’re produced in a facility free of dairy, eggs, peanuts, and tree-nuts, with the marshmallows themselves wheat-, gluten- and corn-free, 100% vegan, and certified kosher. More information and online purchasing information can be found at chicagoveganfoods.com.

Researchers at the University of Missouri say a study involving mice, BPA exposure, and parenting may be telling.

The study used the monogamous, biparental California mouse species to prove that offspring born to parents who are exposed to Bisphenol A (BPA) receive decreased parental care by the mother and father.

Scientists believe results could have relevance to human parenting.

While previous studies have shown that child care can suffer when a mother is exposed to the industrial chemical often found in plastic containers and food packing, MU’s recent findings are the first to suggest a father would be affected as well.

A Miracle Whitening Formula for Your Laundry

BY LESLIE REICHERT

I’ve perfected this whitening formula to help keep your whites looking clean and crisp. It works great for washing sweat stains from shirts and pillows, too. Using too much bleach will actually turn whites a dull yellow.

Instead of adding a cup of bleach to your laundry, try this miracle whitening formula instead.

Miracle Laundry Whitening Formula for a top-loading washing machine ¼ cup powdered automatic dish washing detergent ¼ cup powdered oxygen bleach or liquid chlorine bleach ¼ cup borax ¼ cup liquid or powder laundry soap Dissolve the powdered ingredients in 1/3 cup boiling water (boil in a micro-

18 OCTOBER2015

wave-safe container until it reaches a full boil). Mix in the liquid ingredients and add the entire mixture to the water in the washing machine before placing the pillows in the water. Make sure the entire mixture is evenly distributed in the water. Wash at the hottest water setting and highest spin cycle. Remove and place pillows in the dryer with four dryer balls to make them dry faster and come out of the dryer nice and fluffy.

Miracle Laundry Whitening Formula for a front-loading washing machine 1 T powdered automatic dish washing detergent 1 T powdered oxygen bleach 1 T borax 1 T liquid laundry soap

Dissolve the powdered ingredients in 1/3 cup boiling water (boil in a microwave-safe container until it reaches a full boil). Mix in the liquid ingredients and add the entire mixture into the laundry soap dispenser in the machine. Wash at the hottest water setting and highest spin cycle.

Remove and place pillows in the dryer with four dryer balls to make them dry faster and come out of the dryer nice and fluffy.

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OCTOBER 8-12, 2015 New England’s largest ski & snowboard sale and swap!

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499 Mountain Rd. Princeton • wachusett.com • 800.SKI.1234

BAYSTATEPARENT 19

OH,

THE PLACES YOU’LL

Congratulations! Today is your day. You’re off to Great Places! You’re off and away!

- dr. seuss

GO HARVEST Fall Festival. Weir River Farm, Hingham. Oct. 3, 10 a.m.-2 p.m.

GO BUILD Backyard Builders.

Discovery Museums., Acton.

Oct. 10, 11 a.m.-2 p.m.

20 OCTOBER2015

GO PLAY AppleFest.

Wachusett Mountain, Princeton.

Oct. 17-18, 10 a.m.-5 p.m.

GO HOWL Zoo Howl.

Franklin Park Zoo, Boston.

Oct. 24, 11 a.m.-3 p.m.

Photo by T. Kates

GO

OH, THE PLACES YOU’LL GO! MELTDOWN WARNING: Before you pack up the mini-van, please confirm your destination.

Although we’ve done our best to ensure accuracy at press time, things can and do change…

1 Thursday

Join in farm-related demonstrations, exhibits, and hands-on activities including cider pressing, hayrides, and canoeing, with cider, baked goods, a mini-maze, pumpkin painting, and more. Member adults $8, children $5; nonmember adults $10, children $8. massaudubon.org.

The Big E. Eastern States Exposition, 1305 Memorial Ave., West Springfield. With fall just arriving, come bring the family to this annual celebration of fun, filled with jawdropping entertainment, food, drinks, shopping, butter sculptures, a petting zoo, the daily Mardi Gras parade, and more. Through Sunday. Adults $15, children ages 6 to 12 $10, children ages 5 and under free. thebige.com.

Bird Migration Walk. Governor Oliver Ames Estate, 35 Oliver St., North Easton. 1 p.m.2 p.m. View birds in flight and identify them across the property, as the Ames Estate hosts an array of migratory visitors. Members free, nonmembers $5. thetrustees.org.

Celebrate Sukkot. The Discovery Museums, 177 Main St., Acton. 10 a.m.-12 p.m. Celebrate and learn more about this Jewish holiday as you make your own model mini Sukkah, paper chains for decoration, listen to a story, and step inside and explore a real full-sized Sukkah on wheels. Free with admission. Members free, nonmembers $11.50, children under 1 year free. discoverymuseums.org.

The Mystery and Glory of Autumn.

Norris Reservation, 26 Dover St., Norwell.

11 a.m.-1 p.m. Enjoy a walk and talk along the North River as you explore the mysteries of autumn and other seasonal changes to be had in the forest. Members $10, nonmembers $15. thetrustees.org.

Discovering the Archaeology of Pine Hawk. Science Discovery Museum, 177 Main St., Acton. 3 p.m.-4:30 p.m. See replicas of the artifacts and stone tool flakes uncovered by archaeologists at the Pine Hawk site along the Assabet River, try hands-on activities, and learn about archaeologists’ techniques. Free with admission.

Members free, nonmembers $11.50, children under 1 year free. discoverymuseums.org.

Trivia Night. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 6:30 p.m.-8:30 p.m. Test your mastery of useful (and useless) information and compete for the change to win great prizes.

Refreshments provided. Register ahead. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

2 Friday Kitchen Art for Kids. The Kitchen at Boston Public Market, 100 Hanover St., Boston.

9:30 a.m.-11:30 a.m. Get messy and get to know your food by printing apples, potatoes, broccoli, and other produce, while learning about colors and textures different foods create. Suggested for ages 2 to 6. Register ahead.

Member adults $10, children $5; nonmember adults $15, children $10. thetrustees.org.

Drop-In Bowl Making. The Umbrella Community Arts Center, 40 Stow St., Concord.

5 p.m.-8 p.m. Learn to create a wheel-thrown or hand-built bowl, and make as many bowls as you like to be put toward our annual Empty Bowl

Fall Colors Paddle. Ipswich River Wildlife Sanctuary, 87 Perkins Row, Topsfield. 1 p.m.3 p.m. Explore spectacular colors along the Ipswich River, from the silver maples with their yellowgold to marsh grasses and winding blues of the river. Suitable for ages 6 and up. Register ahead.

Member adults $16, children $14; nonmember adults $18, children $16. massaudubon.org.

charity event in November. Free. theumbrellaarts.org.

sion. Members free, nonmembers $11.50, children under 1 year free. discoverymuseums.org.

Pitch Perfect 2. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 2 p.m.-4 p.m.

Enjoy this movie starring Anna Kendrick and Rebel Wilson as members of a collegiate a cappella group that enters an international competition and fights for the top prize. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

From the Top. Boston Children’s Museum, 308 Congress St., Boston. 6 p.m. & 7 p.m. Enjoy this interactive live musical presentation with young classical musicians from National Public Radio’s program From the Top. Free with admission. Members free, nonmembers $1, children under 1 year free. bostonchildrensmuseum.org.

The Airborne Comedians. The Regent Theatre, 7 Medford St., Arlington. 10:30 a.m.

Enjoy this renowned performance by two skilled comedians and virtuoso jugglers as they joke and juggle objects, including flaming lawn chairs.

Members $7; nonmember adults $10, children ages 12 and under $8. regenttheatre.com.

Especially for Me: Deaf or Hard of Hearing Friendly Evening. The Discovery Museums, 177 Main St., Acton. 5 p.m.8:30 p.m. Join in all the fun during this special evening for families with deaf or hard of hearing children. Register ahead. Free. discoverymuseums.org.

3 Saturday

King Richard’s Faire. 235 Main St., Carver.

10:30 a.m.-5 p.m. On this enchanting 80-acre wooded site visitors will be dazzled by acrobats, aerialists, and jugglers, captivated by dancers, minstrels, and puppeteers, enthralled by exotic tigers, and filled with the best food. Runs on weekends and Columbus Day. Adults $29, children ages 4 to 11 $16, children under the age of 4 free. kingrichardsfaire.net.

4 Sunday

GO EAT Fall Food Fest. Tower Hill Botanic Garden, Boylston.

Oct. 3, 9 a.m.-5 p.m.

Fall Food Fest. Tower Hill Botanic Garden, 11 French Dr., Boylston. 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Visit New England’s extraordinary year-round garden during this day filled with kids’ activities, farm animals, hay wagon rides, a garden scavenger hunt, plenty of delicious food, and more. Adults $12, children ages 6 to 18 $7, children ages 5 and under free. towerhillbg.org.

Fall Festival. Weir River Farm, 256 Turkey Hill Ln., Hingham. 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Celebrate the Harvest and the fall season by enjoying the barnyard and bounty available during the annual Fall Festival. Member adults $5, families $20; nonmember adults $10, families $35. thetrustees.org.

Explore ArtScience. Science Discovery Museum, 177 Main St., Acton. 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Explore pendulums, springs, and moving phenomena to discover dynamic patterns of motion and experience the excitement of combining art and physics with visiting artist Kim Bernard. Free with admis-

Tanglewood Marionettes. TCAN: Center for Arts, 14 Summer St., Natick. 11 a.m. This production features beautifully hand-crafted marionettes, colorful sets, and integrated lighting and sound to create a fully immersive experience.

Adults $10, children $8. natickarts.org.

Plymouth Barktoberfest. Nelson Memorial Park, Nelson St., Plymouth. 11 a.m.-4 p.m.

Bring your family and your favorite pooch for this day filled with live entertainment, crafters, vendors, food, and contests, and more. Free. plymouthbarktoberfest.com.

Hey Day. Wachusett Meadow Wildlife Sanctuary, 113 Goodnow Rd., Princeton. 11 a.m.-5 p.m.

PJ Library Road Trip. Fairmont Fruit Farm, 887 Lincoln St., Franklin. 10 a.m.-12 p.m.

Spend the morning on the farm, pick apples, visit the farm animals, and take a fun hayride through the orchards. Recommended for children under age 6. Register ahead. $20 per 10lb bag. bostonjcc.org.

The Big E Special Olympics Celebration.

Eastern States Exposition, 1305 Memorial Ave., West Springfield. 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Celebrate the close of the Big E with this celebration of the Special Olympics, beginning with an Opening Ceremony, parade, and special tables staffed with athletes, parents, and staff members. Free with admission. Adults $15, children ages 6 to 12 $10, children ages 5 and under free. thebige.com.

2nd Annual Fall Festival. Gore Place, 52 Gore St., Waltham. 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Enjoy a giant pumpkin drop, food vendors, crafters, games, live music, wagon rides, and more.

BAYSTATEPARENT 21

OH, THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!

GO CELEBRATE Cranberry Harvest Celebration. A.D. Makepeace Company, Wareham. Oct. 10, 10 a.m.-3 p.m.

Members free, nonmembers $10, children ages 12 and under free. goreplace.org.

8th Annual Walk to End Domestic Violence.

Brimfield Common, Main St., Brimfield. 1 p.m.4 p.m. The Tri-Town Domestic Violence Task Force hosts this 1.6-mile walk open to the public to show its support for the victims of abuse. After, enjoy an afternoon of fun including a magician, clown, face, painting, food, and kids’ games.

Free. (413) 245-1219.

Ten Tumbao Band. Boston Children’s Museum, 308 Congress St., Boston. 1:30 p.m.-2:30 p.m.

A part of the museum’s celebration of Hispanic Heritage Month, this special performance features lively music for the entire family to enjoy.

Free with admission. Members free, nonmembers $16, children under 1 year free. bostonchildrensmuseum.org.

Drop Into Art. Danforth Art, 123 Union Ave., Framingham. 2 p.m.-4 p.m. Learn and play

Photo courtesy of A.D. Makepeace Company

6 Tuesday

together during this special program exploring works of art through hands-on activities, followed by the chance to create your own art inspired by the galleries. Free. danforthart.org.

Boston Symphony Orchestra Concerts for Very Young People. Boston Children’s Museum, 308 Congress St., Boston. 2:30 p.m. & 3:30 p.m. This special performance by the BSO is tailored specifically for younger children’s enjoyment. Free with admission. Members free, nonmembers $16, children under 1 year free. bostonchildrensmuseum.org.

5 Monday Origami Fun. Boston Public Library: Central Branch, 700 Boylston St., Boston. 3:30 p.m.4 p.m. Learn the art of paper folding and watch as various shapes come to life through their own creativity. For ages 4 to 7. Free. bpl.org.

Baby Wearing Day. Boston Children’s Museum, 308 Congress St., Boston. 10 a.m.5 p.m. Come to the PlaySpace, where toddlers and parents can learn and try different childwearing gear and methods from across cultures.

Free with admission. Members free, nonmembers $16, children under 1 year free. bostonchildrensmuseum.org.

ASD Friendly Afternoon. The Discovery Museums, 177 Main St., Acton. 1:30 p.m.4:30 p.m. Participate in special sensory-based activities open to everyone, with a dedicated room available for families tailored to children with an ASD. Register ahead. Free. discoverymuseums.org.

3D Printing for Kids. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 2 p.m.-3 p.m. Join us to learn how 3D printing works by using Tinkercad to design your own three-dimensional creation. For children in grades 2 to 5. Register ahead. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

Creepy Creature Hike. Governor Oliver Ames Estate, 35 Oliver St., North Easton. 8 p.m.-9 p.m. Come enjoy a night hike across the Ames Estate discovering all of the great creatures that hide in the night. Members $5, nonmembers $10. thetrustees.org.

7 Wednesday Chipmunks. Moose Hill Wildlife Sanctuary, 293 Moose Hill Pkwy, Sharon. 10 a.m.-11:30 a.m. & 1 p.m.-2:30 p.m. Discover what it would be like to be a chipmunk, collect chipmunk treats to leave by chipmunk’s door, and then make a chipmunk puppet to keep the nature play going at home. Suitable for ages 4 to 6. Register ahead. Members $9, nonmembers $12.

Free First Wednesday. deCordova Sculpture Park and Museum, 51 Sandy Pond Rd., Lincoln.

10 a.m.-5 p.m. Come explore the grounds and museum during this family-fun monthly special.

Free. decordova.org.

Bird House Workshop. Eleanor Cabot Bradley Estate, 2468 Washington St., Canton. 4 p.m.6 p.m. Learn how to make your backyard birds a beautiful wooden home in this hands-on bird house building workshop. Register ahead.

Members $10, nonmembers $15. thetrustees.org.

Friend with Benefits: Microbes, Diet, & Me. Museum of Science: Boston, 1 Science Park, Boston. 7 p.m.-9 p.m. Join us as we learn about how our diets affect our microbes and how microbes affect our diet. Recommended for youths in grades 9 to 12. Register ahead. Free. mos.org.

8 Thursday Color Search. Moose Hill Wildlife Sanctuary, 293 Moose Hill Pkwy, Sharon. 10 a.m.-11:30 a.m. & 1 p.m.-2:30 p.m. Search the forest and fields for fall’s colorful display, think about animals with colors in their name, and use paints to make a colorful art reminder of autumn’s vibrant explosion. Suitable for ages 4 to 6. Register ahead. Members $9, nonmembers $12. massaudubon.org.

See, Think, and Wonder Walks for Preschoolers. Parker River National Wildlife Refuge, 6 Plum Island Turnpike, Newburyport.

2 p.m.-3 p.m. Join us as we explore the importance of a sense of place, as we seek, dig, and sift on the beach. Suitable for ages 3 to 6. Register ahead. Member adults $6 children $5; nonmember adults $8, children $7. massaudubon.org.

9 Friday Comfy Kitchen Story Hour. The Kitchen at Boston Public Market, 100 Hanover St., Boston.

9:30 a.m.-10:30 a.m. Pull up a pillow and enjoy

For more events, visit baystateparent.com

FREE! 3 $ $

Souvenir Cup of Animal Feed.

Expires 10/31/15.

Not Valid with offer Discounts or Packages. BSP10

Looking for parenting support?

UMass Memorial Medical Center and New England Prenatal and Family Education offer classes for expecting women, new moms, their families and support persons.

Call 1-855-366-5221 or visit umassmemorial.org/healthymoms UMassMemorial Medical Center

©2015 Davis Farmland

22 OCTOBER2015

DFL BSP10 COUPON 4.875X2.875 9-17-15.indd 1

9/17/15 8:24 PM

OH, THE PLACES YOU’LL GO! a story while learning about cooking, food, and the natural world. Register ahead. Free. thetrustees.org.

Taste and See Simchat Torah Shabbat.

Temple Chayai Shalom, 239 Depot St., South Easton. 4 p.m.-5:30 p.m. Celebrate the conclusion of the annual cycle of reading the Torah as we gather with friends in song and crafts, lighting the Shabbat candles, and challah. Register ahead. Free. bostonjcc.org.

Chain Reaction Meets the 18th Century.

MIT Museum, 265 Massachusetts Ave., Cambridge. 5 p.m.-8 p.m. Get ready for the 18th annual Friday After Thanksgiving Chain Reaction and jump-start your contraption construction, as we derive our machines from the 18th century during this evening of inspired engineering. Free with admission. Adults $10, youth ages 5 to 17 $5, children under age 5 free. web.mit.edu/museum.

10 Saturday Apple Days. Old Sturbridge Village, 1 Old Sturbridge Village Rd., Sturbridge.

9:30 a.m.-5 p.m. Enjoy a crisp autumn day with special events including apple picking, tasting some forgotten heirloom apples, cider making, and more. Through Monday. Free with admission.

Adults $24, children ages 3 to 17 $10, children ages 2 and under free. osv.org.

Butterflies of Stony Brook. Stony Brook Wildlife Sanctuary, 108 North St., Norfolk.

10 a.m.-11:30 a.m. Join naturalist and butterfly enthusiast Loretta Fitzgerald to learn about local butterflies, as we walk around the trails and visit the butterfly garden, before finishing with a craft. Suitable for ages 6 to 10. Register ahead.

Members $9, nonmembers $11. massaudubon.org.

Cranberry Harvest Celebration. 158 Tihonet Rd., Wareham. 10 a.m.-3 p.m. Enjoy an entire day filled with music, wagon and pony rides, cooking demonstrations, the Suspenders Juggling Troupe, views of the cranberry harvest, and much more. Through Sunday. Admission $10, children under age 7 free. admakepeace.com.

Enveloped by Drawing. deCordova Sculpture Park and Museum, 51 Sandy Pond Rd., Lincoln.

10 a.m.-1 p.m. & 2 p.m.-4 p.m. In conjunction with October’s worldwide drawing festival The Big Draw, participate in creating a temporary largescale drawn sculpture in the galleries with artist Julia von Eichel. Free with admission. Members free, nonmembers $14, children 12 and under free. decordova.org.

Acrobatrix. The Regent Theatre, 7 Medford St., Arlington. 10:30 a.m. Two quirky acrobats present surprises and thrills to delight with over-thetop feats of strength, agility, and absurdity. Adults $10, children under 12 $8. regenttheatre.com.

Backyard Builders. Bessie’s Tent, 177 Main St., Acton. 11 a.m.-2 p.m. Head outside and build one-of-a-kind structures in the museum’s backyard out of blankets, boxes, and oversized boxes. Free with admission. Members free, nonmembers $11.50, children under 1 year free. discoverymuseums.org.

Fire Safety Day. Boston Children’s Museum, 308 Congress St., Boston. 11 a.m.-3 p.m. Meet firefighters from the Boston Fire Department and professionals from Shriners Hospitals for Children-Boston, visit a real fire truck, learn how to prevent injuries, dress up as a fire fighter or medical professional, visit the Teddy Bear Clinic, and more. Free with admission. Members free, nonmembers $16, children under 1 year free. bostonchildrensmuseum.org.

Fall Fest. Farandnear, 156 Center Rd., Shirley.

11 a.m.-5 p.m. Come help us dedicate our beautiful new open-air visitor pavilion by enjoying music, food, games, a scavenger hunt, and cider and donuts. Free. thetrustees.org.

Kitchen Science. Boston Children’s Museum, 308 Congress St., Boston. 11:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m. Mix, build, predict, and experiment with a cabinet’s worth of kitchen ingredients and items.

Free with admission. Members free, nonmembers $16, children under 1 year free. bostonchildrensmuseum.org.

Harvest Weekend. Fruitlands Museum, 102 Prospect Hill Rd., Harvard. 12 p.m.-4 p.m.

Come celebrate the bounty of the harvest, as you mix and mingle with farm animals, seasonal crafts, apple tasting, and more. Through Sunday.

Free with admission. Members free; nonmember adults $14, children ages 5 to 13 $6, children under age 5 free. fruitlands.org.

Finding Nemo. Worcester Public Library: Main Branch, 3 Salem Sq., Worcester. 2:30 p.m.4 p.m. Drop-in for a matinee showing of this favorite Pixar-film following a clownfish and his forgetful companion embark on a search to recover his son. For children 12 and under. Free. worcpublib.org.

The Great Duck Migration. Ipswich River Wildlife Sanctuary, 87 Perkins Row, Topsfield.

5:30 p.m.-7:30 p.m. Hike down to Bunker Meadows and climb the observation tower to observe the magnificent spectacle of ducks coming in to roost, keep track of their numbers, and learn to identify different species. Recommended for ages 5 and up. Register ahead. Member adults $8, children $7; nonmember adults $10, children $8. massaudubon.org.

11 Sunday Chestnut Hill Farm’s Harvest Festival.

9 Chestnut Hill Rd., Southborough. 10 a.m.4 p.m. Enjoy activities for the entire family,

including pumpkin carving and painting, goat milking, food, live music, and much more.

Members free, nonmembers $5. thetrustees.org.

Columbus Day Game. 52 Gore St., Waltham.

10 a.m.-2 p.m. A day filled with family fun against the backdrop of the historic Governor Gore Estate. $5. goreplace.org.

Family Wildlife Walks. Wolf Hollow, 114 Essex Rd., Ipswich. 12 p.m.-2:30 p.m.

Bring your family to learn together about the wonders of nature, as we focus on conservation updates, animal and plant interrelationships, and the beauty around us. Suitable for ages 7 to 13.

Register ahead. Member adults $21, children $18; nonmember adults $24, children $21. massaudubon.org.

Discovers Day. Ravenswood Park, 330 Western Ave., Gloucester. 10 a.m.-3 p.m.

Celebrate Discovers Day with indoor hands-on activities, a discovery desk, and an investigation station, during a day of hike-n-seeks, quests, and more. Members free, nonmembers $5. thetrustees.org.

Artfull Explorations. deCordova Sculpture Park and Museum, 51 Sandy Pond Rd., Lincoln.

1 p.m.-3 p.m. Fill your weekend with art and family through group explorations of Sculpture Park installations, museum exhibitions, and engagements with materials and processes inspired by the themes and the artists of the day. For ages 2 to 12 with a caregiver. Free with admission. Members free, nonmembers $14, children ages 12 and under free. decordova.org.

Wee Ones Paddle. Ipswich River Wildlife Sanctuary, 87 Perkins Row, Topsfield. 1 p.m.3 p.m. Enjoy a leisurely paddle up the Ipswich River and observe up close the creatures under the surface. Suitable for children ages 4 to 6.

Register ahead. Member adults $16, children $14; nonmember adults $18, children $16. massaudubon.org.

Renaissance of Ravenswood. Ravenswood Park, 330 Western Ave., Gloucester. 1 p.m.3 p.m. Walk through history at Ravenswood Park, as you learn the stories of the colorful people who helped make Ravenswood a unique and special place. Members $5, nonmembers $10. thetrustees.org.

Fungi and Lichens: Taking a Closer Look.

Ipswich River Wildlife Sanctuary, 87 Perkins Row, Topsfield. 1:30 p.m.-3 p.m. Learn about the various fungi and lichens in the sanctuary forest and wetlands through this fun exploration that will soon become a regular family hobby.

Suitable for children ages 6 and up. Register ahead. Member adults $7, children $6; nonmember adults $9, children $7. massaudubon.org.

The 440 Jazzy Violinist. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 2 p.m.-3 p.m.

Tomoko Iwamoto and the 440 perform a concert certain to enliven the entire family’s spirit. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

12 Monday Morningstar Access. Boston Children’s Museum, 308 Congress St., Boston. 8 a.m.-10 a.m.

Children with special needs have the opportunity to visit the museum at times when there are few visitors. Register ahead. Free with admission.

Members free, nonmembers $16, children under 1 year free. bostonchildrensmuseum.org.

A Walk in Pooh’s Footsteps. Tower Hill Botanic Garden, 11 French Dr., Boylston.

11 a.m. Enjoy an illustrated reading of an original Winnie-the-Pooh story followed by a journey into the real places where the stories took place, ending with a craft and honey snack. Register ahead. Members free; nonmember adults $12, children ages 6 to 18 $7, children under age 6 free. towerhillbg.org.

Columbus Day Fall Festival. The Old Manse, 269 Monument St., Concord. 12 p.m.-5 p.m.

Take tours of the historic house and experience living history demonstrations, kids games and crafts, and live music on the lawn. Tours: members free; nonmember adults $10, children ages 6 to 11 $5, children under 6 free. thetrustees.org.

The Natural World of Winnie-the-Pooh.

Tower Hill Botanic Garden, 11 French Dr., Boylston. 1 p.m.-2 p.m. Take a visually-rich journey into one of the most iconic setting in children’s literature, the Hundred Acre Wood, where A.A. Milne lived and set his Winnie-the-Pooh adventures. Explore the flora and fauna of the forest and discover the real places that inspired the stories. Register ahead. Free with admission.

Members free; nonmember adults $12, children ages 6 to 18 $7, children under age 6 free. towerhillbg.org.

13 Tuesday Little Naturalists: Trees. North River Wildlife Sanctuary, 2000 Main St., Marshfield.

9:30 a.m.-10:30 a.m. Learn through nature walks, stories, songs, and crafts. For children ages 3 to 5 with a caregiver. Register ahead.

Member children $5, nonmember children $7. massaudubon.org/southshore.

Family Singalong. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 10:30 a.m.-11 a.m.

Join the Children’s librarians for some fun songs and movements. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

Tolkien Woods Walk. Ravenswood Park, 330 Western Ave., Gloucester. 1 p.m.-3 p.m.

Explore the sights, sounds, and smells of the forest during this guided walk filled with Tolkien literature excerpts read aloud with Ravenswood Park as the backdrop. Member adults $5, children free; nonmember adults $10, children $5. thetrustees.org.

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14 Wednesday Drawing on Nature. deCordova Sculpture Park and Museum, 51 Sandy Pond Rd., Lincoln.

8 a.m.-4 p.m. A day-long observation of local flora and fauna from the Rappaport Roof Terrace, observing and recording sights through drawing, painting, poetry, photography, or data charts. Free with admission. Members free, nonmembers $14, children ages 12 and under free. decordova.org.

Veggie Art. Moose Hill Wildlife Sanctuary, 293 Moose Hill Pkwy, Sharon. 10 a.m.11:30 a.m. & 1 p.m.-2:30 p.m. Use a variety of vegetables and fruits for printing, painting, and creating beautiful art, while learning and discovering how they grow and about their differences. Suitable for ages 4 to 6. Register ahead.

Members $9, nonmembers $12. massaudubon.org.

Puppet Palooza. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 3:30 p.m.-4:30 p.m.

Create your very own puppet from recycled materials during this fun, interactive program.

For ages 6 to 8. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

DISCOVER a 19th-century New England Village SEE blacksmiths, potters and farmers at work MEET the Village’s oxen, cows, sheep and pigs

Mass Extinction: Life at the Brink. Museum of Science: Boston, 1 Science Park, Boston.

6:30 p.m.-8:30 p.m. Travel through time and around the world as the film Mass Extinction: Life at the Brink explores some of our most compelling questions around what happened to wipe out the dinosaurs and when could it happen again.

Recommended for youth in grades 9 to 12.

Register ahead. Free. mos.org.

ExplORE the Quinebaug River by boat

Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The Regent Theatre, 7 Medford St., Arlington.

7:30 p.m. A special, worldwide, one-day-only showing of a sing-along version of this absurdist comedy classic, in honor of its 40th anniversary.

Attendees are encouraged to dress-up. $15. regenttheatre.com.

HIKE through 200 acres of native woodlands

15 Thursday

CREATE in the Hands-On Craft Center

Open daily

Tail Waggin’ Tales. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 9:45 a.m.-10:15 a.m.

Join registered therapy dog team Stephanie and Marmalade for an early childhood story-time, focusing on literacy and well-being. For children ages 3 to 5. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

Old Sturbridge Village

Sly Fox. Moose Hill Wildlife Sanctuary, 293 Moose Hill Pkwy, Sharon. 10 a.m.11:30 a.m. & 1 p.m.-2:30 p.m. Come pretend to be a fox by testing your nose and ears during this fun and interactive program, making a cozy foxy den in the classroom. Suitable for ages 4 to 6. Register ahead. Members $9, nonmembers $12. massaudubon.org.

Sturbridge, Massachusetts

MAKE HISTORY! 24 OCTOBER2015

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Awakening the Storyteller Within. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 7 p.m.9 p.m. Join Alan O’Hare, a storyteller from the ancient Celtic tradition, as he shares some of the wealth of stories from his life travels and experiences, and shows attendants how to embrace and celebrate their family tales through writing, songs, or art. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

16 Friday PJ Library Books and Blocks Weekly Drop-In. Ready, Set, Kids, 284 Broadway, Arlington. 9:30 a.m.-11 a.m. Enjoy stories, songs, activities, and free play with other families. Families $5. bostonjcc.org.

Radiant Child Yoga. The Kitchen at Boston Public Market, 100 Hanover St., Boston.

10 a.m.-11 a.m. Stretch, breathe, relax, and strike a pose, during this perfect introduction to yoga for kids. For ages 3 to 5. Register ahead.

Member children $10, nonmember children $15. thetrustees.org.

Cinderella. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 3 p.m.-5 p.m. Enjoy this liveaction Disney movie starring Lily James as the titular princess and Academy Award-winner Cate Blanchett as her wicked stepmother. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

October Fall Festival. Boston Children’s Museum, 308 Congress St., Boston. 4 p.m.8 p.m. Check out our farm stand, play games, do crafts, and wrap up the evening with a procession of lit pumpkins. Free. thetrustees.org.

Star Gazing Party. Moose Hill Wildlife Sanctuary, 293 Moose Hill Pkwy, Sharon.

7 p.m.-10 p.m. Join local astronomers for a look at the stars and other night objects through big telescopes. Suitable for ages 6 and up. Free. massaudubon.org.

Pajama Party in PlaySpace. Boston Children’s Museum, 308 Congress St., Boston. 7:30 p.m.

Toddlers and their older siblings are invited to wear their pajamas and join us for fun games, songs, and picture-stories. Free with admission.

Members free, nonmembers $1, children under 1 year free. bostonchildrenmuseum.org.

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde Silent Movie. The Hanover Theatre for the Performing Arts, 2 Southbridge St., Worcester. 8 p.m. Enjoy the first great American horror film, featuring John Barrymore and Clark Wilson, blending historic charm with grim naturalism in this adaptation of the Robert Louis Stevenson’s story. Members $15, nonmembers $20. thehanovertheatre.org.

Hocus Pocus. Coolidge Corner Theatre, 290 Harvard St., Brookline. 11:59 p.m. A

For more events, visit baystateparent.com

OH, THE PLACES YOU’LL GO! special evening showing of this timely modern classic starring Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Najimy as three witches who come back to life after a curse reverses their fate. $12. coolidge.org.

17 Saturday Dig In: Field-to-Table Festival. Old Sturbridge Village, 1 Old Sturbridge Village Rd., Sturbridge. 9:30 a.m.-5 p.m. Celebrate the harvest and beautiful New England autumn at its peak. Meet oxen, savor samples, help with the harvest, and more. Through Sunday. Free with admission. Adults $24, children ages 3 to 17 $10, children ages 2 and under free. osv.org.

Shabbat Unplugged Nature Hike. Middlesex Fells, 150 Pond St., Stoneham. 10 a.m. Unplug and celebrate Shabbat through the sights, sounds, and smells of nature, during a hike over gentle terrain. Register ahead. Free. bostonjcc.org.

Garlic Planting Workshop. Doyle Community Park and Center, 454 Abbott Ave., Leominster.

10 a.m.-11:30 a.m. Learn how and when to plant garlic, and go home with some delicious recipes for the garlic you will harvest next summer, during this family fun workshop. $10. thetrustees.org.

Fall Color Canoeing in the Blackstone.

Ekblaw Landing, 111 Worcester St., North Grafton. 10 a.m.-12 p.m. Join us for a relaxing paddle through Grafton’s Snow Marsh as it meanders from Washington Mills into Lake Ripple, marveling at wildlife throughout the trip. Suitable for children ages 8 to 16. Register ahead. Member adults $15, children $8; nonmember adults $20, children $8. massaudubon.org.

Boo in the Barnyard. Weir River Farm, 256 Turkey Hill Ln., Hingham. 10 a.m.-2 p.m.

Meet and greet your favorite barnyard animals with a festive Halloween feel, during this thematic day of fun. Members free; nonmember adults $5, families $10. thetrustees.org.

Harvest Fair. Newton Center Green, Langley Rd., Newton. 10 a.m.-4 p.m. A 100 craft vendor fair filled with live entertainment, free pumpkin decorating, delicious food, and more. Through Sunday. Free. newtoncommunitypride.org.

Farm Day. Daniel Webster Wildlife Sanctuary, Cemetery Rd., Marshfield. 10 a.m.-4 p.m.

Hay rides, a huge arts and crafts show, great soups from local restaurants, homemade baked goods, crafts, face painting, farm animals, and more. Members $5, nonmembers $8. massaudubon.org.

Critter Day. Boston Children’s Museum, 308 Congress St., Boston. 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Learn and connect to the bugs we encounter and live around the area. Free with admission. Members free, nonmembers $16, children under 1 year free. bostonchildrensmuseum.org.

MICE. University Hall at Lesley University, 1815 Massachusetts Ave., Cambridge. 10 a.m.6 p.m. The Massachusetts Independent Comics Expo showcases the best in local comics during an entire day of panels, workshops, and exhibitions.

Through Sunday. Free. micexpo.org.

The Jim Show. The Regent Theatre, 7 Medford St., Arlington. 10:30 a.m. Armed with nothing more than a trunk full of props, wit, and cat-like agility, Jim bounds on stage and performs this high-energy stunt comedy. Adults $10, children under age 12 $8. regenttheatre.com.

La Piñata. John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum, Columbia Point, Boston.

10:30 a.m.-11:30 a.m. Celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month as La Piñata performs music and dance from Brazil, Puerto Rico, Mexico, and more. Register ahead. Free. jfklibrary.org.

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Josh and the Jamtones. TCAN: Center for Arts, 14 Summer St., Natick. 11 a.m. A concert blending roots, reggae, feel-good pop, folk bunk, country ballads, and kid-friendly improv comedy.

Adults $10, children $8. natickarts.org.

Family Yoga Class. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 12 p.m.-1 p.m. Bring the family and enjoy this introduction to yoga through cooperative games, age-appropriate poses, partner poses, simple mindfulness, and breathing exercising. Recommended for ages 3 to 12 with a caregiver. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

Fall Foliage Foray. Neponset Greenway, Hyde Park. 1:30 p.m.-3 p.m. Take a stroll through stunning fall foliage and increase your tree IQ along including way leaves change colors and tree identification. Register ahead. Members $5, nonmembers $10, children free. thetrustees.org.

Avengers: Age of Ultron. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 2 p.m.-4 p.m.

The smash-hit comic-book epic, following a collection of Marvel’s famous superheroes who unite to battle a sentient robot. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

Sunset Foliage Hike. Blue Hills Ski Area, 4001 Washington St., Canton. 4:30 p.m.6:30 p.m. Celebrate the end of Shabbat with a beautiful hike in the Blue Hills, where you are invited to bring a picnic to eat or just eat some dessert included. Free. bostonjcc.org.

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Old Sturbridge Village Sturbridge, Massachusetts

For more events, visit baystateparent.com

MAKE HISTORY!

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OH, THE PLACES YOU’LL GO! Taste of the Harvest. Francis William Bird Park, 41 Rhoades Ave., East Walpole.

5 p.m.-7 p.m. Enjoy the taste of the harvest from a variety of farm properties under the beautiful fall sky at Bird Park. Members $25, nonmembers $40. thetrustees.org.

Experience a fascinating evening of catching and banding saw-whet owls. Suitable for children ages 7 to 16. Register ahead. Members $28, nonmembers $34. massaudubon.org.

Halloween Spooktacular. Attleboro Springs Wildlife Sanctuary, Park St., Attleboro.

5 p.m.-8 p.m. Embrace the Halloween spirit during this fun event filled with pumpkin-lit trails, creature crafts, games, campfire marshmallows for toasting, and a bake sale. Suitable for ages up to 14. Register ahead. $5. massaudubon.org.

Games and Cider. Eleanor Cabot Bradley Estate, 2468 Washington St., Canton. 11 a.m.-3 p.m. See animals, carve pumpkins, and enjoy the best of organic cider during this fun family day.

Members $10, nonmembers $15. thetrustees.org.

Especially for Me: ASD Friendly Evening.

The Discovery Museums, 177 Main St., Acton.

5 p.m.-8:30 p.m. Come join in all the fun and explore both museums during this special evening for families with children on the autism spectrum. Register ahead. Free. discoverymuseums.org.

Star Party. Powisset Farm, 31 Powisset St., Dover. 6:30 p.m.-8 p.m. Learn about how ancient astronomy was intertwined with agriculture and the patterns of motions in the sky.

Weather-permitting, hop on provided telescopes and observe celestial bodies above. Members free, nonmembers $5. thetrustees.org.

Saw-Whet Owl Banding Demo. Lookout Rock, 287 Oak St., Uxbridge. 7 p.m.-11 p.m.

18 Sunday

Dear Failure. Boston Children’s Museum, 308 Congress St., Boston. 11:30 a.m. & 1:30 p.m. Enjoy this original play performed by 5th and 6th graders from the ArtBarn Children’s Theater, addressing how to learn from mistakes. Free with admission. Members free, nonmembers $16, children under 1 year free. bostonchildrensmuseum.org.

Ward’s Fall Festival. Ward Reservation, 34 Prospect Rd., Andover. 12 p.m.-3 p.m. Enjoy phenomenal views from Andover to Boston while participating in activities including kite making and flying, and yard games, with hot dogs roasted over the fire and s’mores. Member cars $10, nonmember cars $30. thetrustees.org.

Marjorie Mollenauer on Harp. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 2 p.m.-3 p.m.

The acclaimed harpist delights with her string-filled

R o g e r W i l l i a m s Pa r k z o o

FALL FUN at the ZOO Spotted in Providence!

Don’t miss the new Cheetah exhibit!

October 1 – November 1

Jack-O-Lantern Spectacular presented by Citizens Bank

This popular fall tradition runs nightly.

October 24 & 25

Spooky Zoo Enjoy daytime family fun with half-price admission for costumed children ages 3-12 (RWP Zoo members and kids 2 and under are free).

Explore the possibilities at rwpzoo.org 26 OCTOBER2015

and soulful music. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

The United States Air Force Concert Band and Singing Sergeants. The Hanover Theatre for the Performing Arts, 2 Southbridge St., Worcester. 3 p.m. A performance by the premier symphonic wind ensemble of the United States Air Force, as they range from classical transcriptions and original works to solo features.

Free. thehanovertheatre.org.

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19 Monday

ARTfull Play. deCordova Sculpture Park and Museum, 51 Sandy Pond Rd., Lincoln.

10:30 a.m.-11:30 a.m. Fill your day with art and play through this experience presenting a unique opportunity to engage with art, books, materials, the environment, and new friends. For ages 2 to 5 with a caregiver. Free with admission. Members free, nonmembers $14, children ages 12 and under free. decordova.org.

San Andreas. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 6:30 p.m.-8:30 p.m. A highoctane thriller as the infamous San Andreas Fault gives way, producing a devastating earthquake across California. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

20 Tuesday Russian Bilingual Story-Time. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 3:30 p.m.4 p.m. A special bilingual story-time with stories, songs, and movement in English and Russian. For ages 3 to 5. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

Great Pumpkin Float. Pope John Paul II Park, Boston. 5 p.m.-7 p.m. Bring a small carved pumpkin and watch it float down the Neponset River in a lit procession during this fun day where costumes and picnics are always welcome.

Free. thetrustees.org.

Halloween Fun Preschool Story Time. Gore Place, 52 Gore St., Waltham. 10 a.m.-11 a.m.

Come in costume for silly stories, an outdoor pumpkin hunt, and a monster craft to take home. For ages 3 and 4 with an adult. Register ahead. Member children $5, nonmember children $10. goreplace.org.

Leaf Art. Eleanor Cabot Bradley Estate, 2468 Washington St., Canton. 4 p.m.-6 p.m.

Pay the trees a visit for leaf collection, to then use for an array of leaf art, including crayon rubbing, splatter painting, and leaf print T-shirts.

Register ahead. Members $10, nonmembers $15. thetrustees.org.

Back to the Future. Coolidge Corner Theatre, 290 Harvard St., Brookline. 7 p.m. Forty years after its original release, come watch Marty McFly struggle to put himself back in the

OH, THE PLACES YOU’LL GO! picture after breaking up his parents’ first date in this ’80s classic, costarring Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd. Adults $12, youths $9. coolidge.org.

22 Thursday The Sounds of Success: Believe It and Achieve It. Best Western Royal Plaza Hotel and Trade Center, 181 Boston Post Rd., Marlborough. 8:45 a.m.-4 p.m. The 36th Annual Conference on Mainstreaming Students with Hearing Loss is a day of speakers and workshops promoting greater visibility and tools for students with hearing loss. Through Friday.

Register ahead. $195-$210. clarkeschools.org.

Read for the Record. Boston Children’s Museum, 308 Congress St., Boston. 11 a.m.1 p.m. Celebrate early childhood literacy and help set a new world record by reading the humorous children’s book Not Norman: A Goldfish Story in conjunction with others around the country. Free with admission. Members free, nonmembers $16, children under 1 year free. bostonchildrensmuseum.org.

Zen Garden. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 4 p.m.-5 p.m. Create your own mini Zen garden, during this hour of relaxation.

For children in grades 3 to 5. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

5 p.m. Come to the Banx Room for a trivia contest with awesome prizes, a sampler platter of the best Japanese cartoons, and a place to kick back and chat. For ages 13 to 17. Free. worcpublib.org.

Pumpkin Carving Event. Governor Oliver Ames Estate, 35 Oliver St., North Easton.

5 p.m.-7 p.m. Enjoy pumpkin carving in preparation for our family fun Halloween event, with your pumpkin featured throughout the property.

Free. thetrustees.org.

Enchanted Forest: Exploring the Night.

Norris Reservation, 26 Dover St., Norwell.

4 p.m.-7 p.m. Carve a pumpkin, make a lantern, admire the stars, observe bats above the pond, listen to and identify animal sounds, and enjoy this family-fun night of woodland night appreciation. Member adults $10, families; nonmember adults $15, families $35. thetrustees.org.

23 Friday Making Connections. Best Western Royal Plaza Hotel and Trade Center, 181 Boston Post Rd., Marlborough. 8 a.m.-4 p.m. The 13th Annual Student Track portion of the Annual Conference on Mainstreaming Students with Hearing Loss is a day filled with role models and chances to make new friends. For students in grades 7 to 12. Register ahead. $50. clarkeschools.org.

Puppet Pals. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 1 p.m.-2 p.m. A puppet-filled story-time, where we will enjoy songs, stories, a craft, and lots of puppet friends. For ages 3 to 5.

Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

Carve a Pumpkin. Moose Hill Wildlife Sanctuary, 293 Moose Hill Pkwy, Sharon.

1 p.m.-8 p.m. Carve Jack-O-Lanterns for our annual Halloween prowl, as we provide plenty of Anime Appetizers. Worcester Public Library: pumpkins and a few design ideas. Free.

CBCNutcrackerAd_Layout 1 9/14/15 5:30 PM Page 1 massaudubon.org.

Main Branch, 3 Salem Sq., Worcester. 3 p.m.-

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Powisset Farm Friday Fall Dinner. Powisset Farm, 31 Powisset St., Dover. 6 p.m.-9 p.m.

Enjoy a seasonal dinner, the scenic view of the farm at sunset, and the company of new and

CHIP MORRIS A r t is t ic Dire c t o r

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Acton-Boxborough Regional High School

Shabbat Shirah: A Musial Shabbat. Whitney Place Community Room, 3 Vision Dr., Natick.

5:30 p.m.-7 p.m. Celebrate the Shabbat with family and friends. Sing songs, read stories, and enjoy a Shabbat dinner of pizza, pasta, and salad together. Register ahead. Free. bostonjcc.org.

Halloween Prowl. Moose Hill Wildlife Sanctuary, 293 Moose Hill Pkwy, Sharon.

6:15 p.m.-7:45 p.m. Discover the history of Halloween, then encounter costumed characters as you are guided along a candle-lit trail, before enjoying a drink and popcorn at our campfire sing-along. Costumes always welcome. Suitable for ages 4 and up. Through Sunday. Register ahead. $9. massaudubon.org.

Boston Bike Film Festival. Regent Theatre, 7 Medford St., Arlington. 7 p.m. The 10th annual Boston Bike Film Festival, showcases the best of bicycle-centric films. Reserved $15, atdoor $20. bostonbikefilmfest.org.

Pumpkin Fest. Stony Brook Wildlife Sanctuary, 108 North St., Norfolk. 7 p.m.-8:30 p.m.

Bring your own pumpkin and we’ll supply the rest, before enjoying some pumpkin treats and games. Suitable for ages 6 to 16. Register ahead. Members $6, nonmembers $8. massaudubon.org.

Rock Off Main Street. TCAN: Center for Arts, 14 Summer St., Natick. 7:30 p.m. Witness musicians of all ages perform an eclectic mix of music from pop, to emo, to indie. $8. natickarts.org.

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Haunted Halloween. Governor Oliver Ames Estate, 35 Oliver St., North Easton. 4 p.m.7 p.m. Come enjoy spooky events across the Ames Estate, including all kinds of Halloween fun for the entire family. Member families $20, nonmember families $30. thetrustees.org.

old farm friends. Register ahead. Member adults $35, nonmember adults $45, children $15. thetrustees.org.

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OH, THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!

24 Saturday

20th Annual Boston Veg Food Fest. Reggie Lewis Athletic Center, 1350 Tremont St., Boston.

11 a.m.-6 p.m. Enjoy this array of vegetarian natural food providers, top national speakers and chefs, educational exhibitors, and food during this day of vegetarian delights. Through Sunday.

Free. bostonveg.org.

Mystery Fest. Joppa Flats Education Center, 1 Plum Island Turnpike, Newburyport.

10 a.m.-3 p.m. Come embrace the Halloween spirit during this day of age-tailored activities from forensic investigations, to silly and festive crafts, a kooky treasure hunt, and family presentations. Suitable for ages 2 to 12. Free. massaudubon.org.

The Gustafer Yellowgold Show. The Regent Theatre, 7 Medford St., Arlington. 10:30 a.m.

A multimedia performance of live music, animations, and storytelling. Adults $10, children under age 12 $8. regenttheatre.com.

Zoo Howl. Franklin Park Zoo, 1 Franklin Park Rd., Boston. 11 a.m.-3 p.m. Trick-or-treat among the animals and participate in family-fun activities, including creepy crafts, ghoulish games, costume contests, hayrides, and more. Through Sunday. Free with admission. Members free; nonmember adults $20, children ages 2 to 12 $13, children under 2 free. zoonewengland.org.

National Chemistry Week Celebration.

Boston Children’s Museum, 308 Congress St., Boston. 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Investigate the amazing science of color with presenters from the American Chemical Society. Free with admission.

Members free, nonmembers $16, children under 1 year free. bostonchildrensmuseum.org.

Halloween Family Festival. Heritage Museums and Gardens, 67 Grove St., Sandwich.

1:30 p.m.-8:30 p.m. Come in costume and be part of the fun, including a Halloween Dance Party, themed drinks and snacks, fall themed family photos, a new carved pumpkin display, a Halloween craft, and more. Members $10, nonmembers $15, children ages 2 and under free. heritagemuseumsandgardens.org.

Capturing Skeletons with Pencil and Paper. Harvard Museum of Natural History, 26 Oxford St., Cambridge. 2 p.m.-3:30 p.m. Get ready for Halloween by looking up close at real animal skeletons, learn why bones are important, and practice realistic drawing techniques for capturing them on paper. For ages 9 to 13. Register ahead. Members $25, nonmembers $35. hmnh. harvard.edu.

Food Day. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 2 p.m.-2:45 p.m. & 3:15 p.m.4 p.m. Celebrate National Food Day and the theme “Toward a Greener Diet” as you listen to

F R e e CHILDReN’S BooK FeSTIvAL

books about food, paint food prints, and fill in your MyPlate with the right ratio of food-types, during these two sessions for ages 2 to 3 and 4 to 5, respectively. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

Pumpkins in the Park. Francis William Bird Park, 41 Rhoades Ave., East Walpole. 5 p.m.7 p.m. Bring your carved pumpkin to Bird Park and enter it into our pumpkin-carving contest, then watch as the pumpkins come together to light up the park. Free. thetrustees.org.

Halloween Happenings. Ipswich River Wildlife Sanctuary, 87 Perkins Row, Topsfield.

Take a guided walk along the Halloween trail transformed into a magical forest, home to interesting creatures, glowing luminaries, and jack o’lanterns. Suitable for ages 4 to 10. Register ahead. Members $9, nonmembers $10. massaudubon.org.

Halloween Night Hike and Hayride.

Wachusett Meadow Wildlife Sanctuary, 113 Goodnow Rd., Princeton. 6 p.m.-8 p.m.

Experience the sounds of the night on a guided hike, do a Halloween craft, enjoy a hayride with friends an family, learn about nocturnal wildlife, warm up at the bonfire, and join us for some goodies. Member adults $6, children $3; nonmember adults $8, children $4. massaudubon.org.

Family Campfire Cooking and Stargazing.

Governor Hutchinson’s Field, 196 Adams St., Milton. 7 p.m.-9 p.m. Learn how to build and maintain a campfire beneath the stars, after which we will cook some delicious campfire snacks, play games, and find planets and constellations.

Member adults $10, children $5; nonmember adults $15, children $10. thetrustees.org.

25 Sunday PruBoo. The Shops at Prudential Center, 800 Boylston St., Boston. 11 a.m. Enjoy this annual trick-or-treat for charity, as the center opens its doors to hundreds of families from Greater Boston to enjoy “store-to-store” trickor-treating, as well as family fun activities and a kids’ concert. $4 suggested donation. prudentialcenter.com.

Diwali. Boston Children’s Museum, 308 Congress St., Boston. 11 a.m.-3 p.m.

Celebrate the Hindu Festival of Lights, exploring the sights, sounds, and spirits of this holiday.

Free with admission. Members free, nonmembers $16, children under 1 year free. bostonchildrensmuseum.org.

Halloween Wagon Rides. Gore Place, 52 Gore St., Waltham. 12 p.m.-2 p.m. Enjoy games, music, refreshments, and, of course, wagon rides. $5. goreplace.org.

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26 Monday

for ages 13 and up. Register ahead. Members $10, nonmembers $15. thetrustees.org.

this evening laugh-fest. $27-37. thehanovertheatre.org.

The Bride of Frankenstein. Coolidge Corner Theatre, 290 Harvard St., Brookline. 7 p.m.

The classic sequel as Boris Karloff reprises his role as Frankenstein’s Monster. Adults $12, children $10. coolidge.org.

28 Wednesday

29 Thursday

Dance and Movement Class. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 10 a.m.10:45 a.m. A music and movement class designed especially for children and presented by the Joanne Langione Dance Center. For ages 2 to 5. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

Ooey Gooey Pumpkin Science. Science Discovery Museum, 177 Main St., Acton. 2 p.m.4:30 p.m. Explore and investigate the qualities of a pumpkins during this interactive ooey gooey fun family-friendly event. Free with admission.

Members free, nonmembers $11.50, children under 1 year free. discoverymuseums.org.

27 Tuesday Matt Heaton Family Singalong. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton.

10:30 a.m.-11:15 a.m. Come join Matt Heaton, the Toddlerbilly Troubadour, as he brings an infectious energy to his singalongs, peppered with well-known classics and a few soon-to-be classics performed on guitar and banjo. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

Card Corner. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 3 p.m.-4 p.m. Come play your favorite trading-card games, dueling your friends with your own deck or one of the library’s. For ages 6 and up. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

Full Moon and Folklore Hike. Crane Wildlife Refuge of the Crane Estate, 290 Argilla Rd., Ipswich. 7 p.m.-9 p.m. Enjoy this evening hike across dunes and through soft sand, under what Native American tribes termed the “Hunter’s Moon”, when fields were traditionally reaped in late September or early October. Recommended

Cranberry Workshop. Castle Hill on the Crane Estate, 310 Argilla Rd., Ipswich. 2 p.m.-6 p.m.

Learn about the history and habits of this local fruit, and get a boots-on-the-ground feel for the matrix of trails that crisscross Castle Neck. Pick your own cranberries and making something tasty. For ages 15 and up. Register ahead.

Members $30, nonmembers $35. thetrustees.org.

Teen Gallery Opening Night. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 4 p.m.-5 p.m.

Join us for a lively opening reception with food and chamber music to celebrate the opening of Newton North High School’s art show. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

NBC’s Last Comic Standing. The Hanover Theatre for the Performing Arts, 2 Southbridge St., Worcester. 7:30 p.m. See the finalists from this NBC competition series perform live during

ger, fear, wonder, and anticipation as Mike Super delivers a humor-filled magic show featured on America’s Got Talent. Members $30, nonmembers $35. natickarts.org.

30 Friday Drop-In Halloween Crafts. Newton Free Library, 330 Homer St., Newton. 1:30 p.m.3 p.m. Come to the library for some fun Halloween crafts during this afternoon where costumes are always encouraged. For ages 2 to 5. Free. newtonfreelibrary.net.

KidsJam. Boston Children’s Museum, 308 Congress St., Boston. 6:30 p.m.-8 p.m.

Join us for a family dance party, featuring a live DJ, dance lessons, games, and fun. Free with admission. Members free, nonmembers $1, children under 1 year free. bostonchildrensmuseum.

Mike Super. TCAN: Center for Arts, 14 Summer St., Natick. 8 p.m. Enjoy this family-friendly performance filled with laughter, intrigue, dan-

Halloween Celebration

Saturday October 31 at 4pm Costume Contest • Pumpkin Carving Contest Pumpkin Lighting • Hayride • Pony Rides Peddle Tractor Course • Tractor Display • Games

Pumpkins $.42/lb.

Hay Bales • Straw Bales • Indian Corn Corn Stalks • Gourds • Winter Squash

31 Saturday Wee Secret Home Making. Ravenswood Park, 330 Western Ave., Gloucester. 10 a.m.3 p.m. Using only all-natural materials found on the forest floor, create your own secret home that elves, gnomes, or fairies will love. Member adults $5, children free; nonmember adults $10, children $5. thetrustees.org.

Len Cabral. John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum, Columbia Point, Boston.

10:30 a.m.-11:30 a.m. Listen to stories for the young and young at heart, as this internationally-known storyteller shares his favorite fright-filled tales from around the world. Register ahead. Free. jfklibrary.org.

Wild and Spooky Animals in Your Backyard. Science Discovery Museum, 177 Main St., Acton. 10:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m.

Handle natural artifacts and learn about the birds, reptiles, and mammals that live in your neighborhood, particularly those we associated with this spookiest of holidays. Free with admission. Members free, nonmembers $12, children under 1 year free. discoverymuseums.org.

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PART 3 OF A 5-PART SERIES

Birth Order Basics:

The Unlikely Mini Master Manipulator

BY ABBEY TIDERMAN

30 OCTOBER2015

The old adage “Children grow up too quickly” exists because it’s true. They do. But what’s often overlooked is that parents themselves are learning, changing, and growing right alongside their kids.

This reality tends to shape the relationship that develops between parents and each individual child, as well as the expectations that are set along the way that ultimately shape personalities. How a new parent treats her first child is often drastically different than how she interacts with their second because she’s gained experience.

And when it comes to the lastborn “baby of the family,” those expectations not only relax substantially, but also the sentimental reality of going through various stages and milestones for the very last time sets in for parents.

And, true to form, lastborn children catch on quickly and are happy to take advantage of their unique position.

“They’re great at making use of their youngness. They turn on the charm with a flutter of the eyes or tilt of the head. They know how to play to the audience,” says Jack Agati, counselor, author, and creator of the audio series, Why Do Kids Do The Things They Do? He points out that parenting with gusto gets tiring after a while, especially when attending to jobs and household duties along with the needs of several children at once.

“We worry about everything with our firstborn. We bring them to the doctor more times than subsequent children combined,” he notes. “Even the seemingly trivial things, like making sure they don’t use their sleeve to wipe their faces or noses. By the time the youngest comes along, though, they’re free to use their sleeve and ours, too.”

That’s not to say that parents care for youngest children any less, but that priorities have shifted. This puts lastborns in a unique position and shapes them into highly social citizens. If you’re the youngest of the family, Agati says, the need to fit in and belong is much different than that of other siblings.

Lastborns tend to flow between the adult world and kids of all ages, adapting as needed. They’ll meet expectations if they have to, but for the most part, they make decisions based on what they want to do — not just to please adults.

“One of the first things you develop as a youngest child is great observation skills,” he says. “You master what’s going on before you and learn from that: Brother got in trouble for that? Here’s my work-around. Sister achieved that by doing this? Duly noted. It’s incredible how aware they are and how quickly they size up a situation — the big picture and how it impacts others — and make decisions accordingly.”

This is where the ability of a lastborn to control or manipulate a situation can rear its head. “The youngest have a great deal of power and control, and they’re great

actors,” Agati notes. He suggests not buying into whining and tears or falling into the drama. Youngest children may be using those tactics to get out of tasks you’ve asked them to do.

If you announce it’s time to head out to the yard for fall clean-up, for example, an oldest child may be slow to start and mumble and grumble about it. A youngest child, however, is likely to make an enthusiastic, energetic showing of it for a minute or two, only to give up because it’s “too hard,” or they’re tired. The oldest is often ultimately held responsible for picking up wherever the baby left off and finishing the job. Don’t be afraid to call them out on it.

“Be aware of your choices — whether consciously or not — to make things easier for your youngest, and perhaps yourself,” Agati advises. Parents, without realizing it, may put more veggies on their oldest child’s plate simply because they know he is more likely to eat them without a battle.

“If your oldest child started clearing the table when she was 5, move that chore onto your youngest when she’s 5, and assign your oldest a new, more age-appropriate task. If you don’t ask and expect your youngest to follow through on chores, she will assume you don’t need her or that someone else will do it — a mentality that could very well stay with her as she grows into adulthood.”

Agati also highlights the importance of acknowledging positive traits of a youngest child: “They may not be overachievers like their older sibling, or organized, but they are great organizers and “people” people, which will be a solid foundation for success in their careers. They take the edge off things and keep things in perspective because they see the big picture.”

Meri Wallace, clinical social worker and author of Birth Order Blues, agrees with the need to tune in to the specific issues a youngest child faces as a result of their birth order. When a youngest child sees older siblings cruising around without training wheels, they can internalize that as a failure or shortcoming on their part.

Parents assume kids will understand, but they often don’t register that their siblings’ strength and ability has come with age.

“Parents need to explain to younger children, ‘At your age, your brother couldn’t ride, either. Then his legs grew longer, and now he can,’” she says. She adds that being the youngest in the family is a great place to be: “There are a lot of people to learn from and to receive love from.”

“We need youngest children in our lives,” Agati says. “They have a different view of the world. They take it easy and they understand what it means to ‘live life.’”

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ASK THE EXPERT:

Expanding The Pre-Teen Picky Eater’s Palate

BY MARY BROWN, M.D. Floating Hospital for Children at Tufts Medical Center Dear Reader,

My daughter is 9 and a selfdescribed picky-eater. The foods she will eat easily are around 12: chicken, some fruit, peanut butter, bread, etc. And, of course, junk food if we let her. She is growing consistently in height and weight and has a normal BMI. My husband and I encourage her to try new foods but she refuses, sometimes vehemently. We’ve been trying to get her to expand her menu, but we’re concerned if we push too hard we’ll make it a major issue and inadvertently lead her into an eating disorder.

How can we safely encourage her to try new foods and make it a positive experience?

It sounds like you are on the right track by not elevating the issue with your daughter about her picky eating, and not resorting to letting her indulge in excess junk-food as a so-called “solution.”

Picky eating is normal for a pre-teen, and her healthy bodyweight should give you reassurance that the eating habits are not a major concern at this point. It also sounds like the foods she is eating are giving her a variety of nutrients.

Pressuring your daughter too heavily to diversify her eating is likely to create greater anxiety around the issue and possibly push her further away from trying something new. It is also important to remember that in the teen and pre-teen mind, any recommendation from a parent often gets pushed away, as it’s common for these youngsters to want to do the opposite of what their parents say.

Continue to monitor your daughter’s weight and development, while offering new foods but not making too much of the situation if she declines.

Meanwhile, there are other steps you can take that might help draw her to other foods — without being too aggressive.

Children who are picky eaters might be willing to try foods that build on what they currently like to eat. For example, if your daughter likes peanut butter, you may want to suggest adding a banana or jelly to her peanut butter sandwich, or trying a smoothie with peanut butter and a variety of other ingredients that are healthy.

It may benefit you to talk about eating in the context of any physical activities your child engages in, such as sports or dancing. You could causally mention the importance of food to a strong per-

Come to the digital side Text baystateparent to 22828 to subscribe to our weekly e-newsletter Things to do, stuff to win and news to know

formance, or if you have a good relationship with a coach, consider approaching that person about mentioning the value of nutrition.

Parents of picky eaters should also keep an eye on whether there is anything else anxiety-provoking that might make dinnertime stressful for children, and minimize anything that could contribute to that atmosphere. Of course, for many teens and preteens, taking a break from friends and social media for a sit-down family dinner is stressful in itself, and it is recommended that these dinners continue as an opportunity to speak with children about their day.

While offering your picky eater the foods she likes is important, she should also not dictate the entire dinner menu. Ensure that other options are there that she is always encouraged to try.

Finally, as you have been, you should resist the urge to let your daughter eat junk food for the sole purpose of her consuming more calories. Many parents resort to this approach, and it makes it difficult for children to develop healthy eating habits down the road.

If your daughter appears to have a change in her bodyweight, or is decreasing the number of items she eats, or the overall portion sizes, then you will want to revisit this issue with your pediatrician.

For now, a close eye and a positive, encouraging attitude about healthy eating are the best ways to deal with the situation, which may continue into her teenage years.

Mary Brown, M.D. is a pediatrician at the Floating Hospital for Children at Tufts Medical Center and an assistant professor at Tufts University School of Medicine.

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FINALLY FOREVER

The Realities of Same-Sex Adoption

BY ALEXANDRA TOWNSEND

Same-sex couples have raised children together throughout human history, sometimes as the biological child of one parent, other times as someone that both parents decided to adopt. However, that didn’t mean that these families were legally recognized.

Historically, the idea of legal samesex adoption has been about as controversial as the idea of samesex marriage. As recently as 2007, a CNN survey found that 40% of respondents felt that same-sex couples shouldn’t have the right to adopt. Even today same-sex adoption is not legal in all states, including Mississippi and Ohio.

But the world is changing. Now that same-sex marriage is legal nationwide, more and more people are recognizing the same-sex families that have always been there.

“We receive phone calls from tentative LGBT individuals who are nervous about taking the first step and fearful of being rejected by an agency, but we can honestly assure them that they will be welcomed to the process by any agency they contact,” said Diane Tomaz, director of the Massachusetts Adoption Research Exchange (MARE), a private nonprofit that serves as the central link between families interested in adoption, the state Department of Children and Families (DCF), and its contracted adoption agen-

cies. “Moreover, we find that social workers know and appreciate the strengths of LGBT families. They make a thoughtful, informed decision to adopt, it is often their first method of starting or building a family, they often feel comfortable adopting children of another race, and they may even understand what it means to feel rejected or abandoned by a birth family.”

Karen Gemeinhardt, adoption supervisor for The Home for Little Wanderers, was similarly in favor of same-sex adoption, but felt there were still obstacles facing same-sex couples. “DCF is doing very well in educating and monitoring workers regarding any prejudices about GLBTQ adoption, but there are still some offices that prefer traditional families. The last difficulty I encountered in trying to place a child with a lesbian family was a little over five years ago.”

According to DCF officials: “DCF welcomes adoptive parents regardless of family make-up. Finding a stable and loving permanent home where a child can thrive is our highest priority.”

The Department’s non-discrimination policy states that no one can be denied as an adoptive parent on the basis of sexual orientation.

Difficulties seem to stem from old prejudices, such as fearing that children raised by same-sex couples will

September’s Child: Isabella Ten-year-old Isabella always looks on the bright side of life. “Bella,” as she prefers to be called, is indeed a beautiful girl of Caucasian and Hispanic descent. She is a bubbly girl with a bright smile who loves animals. On a recent visit to a petting zoo, Bella was fearless in picking up and holding the animals. She also enjoys painting her nails, playing with dolls, and making bracelets.

Bella has played soccer in the past

34 OCTOBER2015

become gay themselves, concern that a child needs a mother and a father, or even concerns about gay men secretly being child molesters, according to Tomaz. These are claims that have been refuted numerous times by groups such as the American Psychiatric Association, whose studies have shown that children raised by same-sex couples are as well-adjusted as any other children.

Gay men who want to adopt as single parents seem to have the most biases working against them.

“Because of the age-old stereotype that men cannot parent as well as women, it is probably most onerous for single gay males who want to adopt,” Tomaz said. “They have to work against society’s negative perception of fathers, single parents, and gay men.”

Happily, being raised by a same-sex couple seems to rarely be an issue for the adopted children themselves.

“There have been issues among foster children, but more often than not children are parroting what they have heard and testing for a reaction,” Gemeinhardt explained. “More often the foster children have questions because living with a gay or lesbian family is new to them…a parent’s confidence helps them embrace their new family dynamic once they see and feel they are cared for.”

Adds Tomaz: “Most children are

and would like the opportunity to try gymnastics.

At school this past year, Bella was in a regular education classroom.

She has an Individualized Education Plan, which includes pullouts for reading and math. She struggles with anxiety, which can cause her to be distracted and unfocused. Bella would greatly benefit from patient parents who could assist her with her homework.

Bella is legally free for adoption and would like to be part of a family that has a pet. She should be the only child or the youngest child in the home. Her worker is looking for

vocal about wanting a family with a dog or a swimming pool and [are] typically less adamant about the constellation of that family…That said, this is a child-centered process and if a child is uncomfortable with a family, they have the option to say no to being adopted by them.”

As far as the adoption process goes, prospective LGBT parents have very similar experiences to straight and cisgender applicants. They must go through very thorough screening processes and learn how to handle the painful experiences their new children may have been through.

One adoptive parent, Matt Donnelly, described his experience: “During the classes you are creating a ‘Home Study’ with the social worker,” he said. “They are looking at your individual parenting style and emotional state in the process. You actually have to write a detailed synopsis of your upbringing, how you were parented, psycho-social family history, your feelings about discipline and parenting in general; it is a very introspective document of your potential for parenting.”

Agencies may also ask additional questions to make sure the applicant is completely out and comfortable with their identity. It serves as a way of seeing how the applicant has dealt with difficult and stressful situations in the past. Also, as Gemeinhardt pointed out: “Kids will out their par-

a family with at least one female parent. There is an open adoption agreement in place with her birth parents for two visits a year. Bella would like to maintain contact with her younger brother.

For more information about Bella, or the adoption process in general, please contact Department of Children and Families Adoption Supervisor Grace Kirby-Steinau at (508) 929-2033. The DCF Adoption Office in Worcester holds monthly informational meetings about the adoption process. Please call (508) 929-2150 for specific information about the next meeting.

ents in a second! Parents need to be confident and open. They need to be able to present themselves comfortably and without hostility, etc., in the face of potential discrimination, especially as related to their children.

Their own sexual identity needs to be a non-issue for them in order to help their children should someone else have an issue with ‘who their parents are.’”

With the growing prevalence of agencies and resources for LGBT adoptive parents, it appears as if legal same-sex adoption is only going to become more common and accepted in the world. The next major fight

for equality may be in gaining more acceptance specifically for transgender parents.

“I think [the trouble transgender people face when adopting] has a lot to do with lack of accurate information and societal misconceptions about what transgendered means,” Gemeinhardt agreed. “Transgender families face the potential for transphobia in the department similar to what lesbian and gay families faced about 5 to 10 years ago. Here is where education and experience will help.”

Apple & Pumpkin Festivals Lots of Fun Family Events Check out these dates:

Oct. 3 & 4 Oct. 10 & 11 Oct. 17 & 18 Oct. 24 & 25 Nov. 7 & 8

Circle of Friends

Taste of Local Apple festival Pumpkin Festival A Magical Halloween Enchantment 1st Annual Pumpkin Smash

Featuring

• Games • Hay Rides • Bouncy House • Caramel Apples • Cider Donuts • Chocolate Apples • Crafts • And So Much More!

• Pyo Apples

“by the pound”

Wednesday, Oct. 7 — Northern Region Adoption Info Meetings, Jordan’s Furniture Reading: IMAX Conference Room - 50 Walker’s Brook Dr., Reading. 6 p.m. RSVP: 978-557-2734.

Thursday, Oct. 8 — Adoption Learn and Play Group, Emerson Hospital, Concord. 9:30 a.m.-11 a.m. A support and education group for parents with adopted children age 5 and under. This month’s topic: “Keeping Our Children Safe.” RSVP to 978-287-0221.

Thursday, Oct. 8 — Family Support Group, Jordan’s Furniture Reading: IMAX Conference Room - 50 Walker’s Brook Dr., Reading. 6:30 p.m.-8:30 p.m. Open to families from all regions who are waiting, matched, or placed with a child. This is safe space for families to share their thoughts on the adoption process and receive guidance and support from other families. RSVP to 978-337-6500.

Thursday, Oct. 15 — We are Family: A PostAdoption Support Group. First Connections, on the Emerson Hospital Campus, Route 2, Concord.

A monthly support and education group for parents who are caring for foster children, have adopted a child at age 3 or older, or whose adopted child is now over age 5. 7 p.m.-9 p.m.

For more information contact facilitator Mary Rowlinson at 978-287-0221 x218.

Thursday, Oct. 15— Southern Region Adoption Info Meetings, Morton Hospital, 88 Washington Street, Taunton, Margaret Stone Conference Room, first floor. 6:30 p.m.-8 p.m. RSVP: 508-894-3830.

Monday, Oct. 19 — Southern Region Adoption Info Meetings, Mass. Department of Children and Families, Canton Police Station, 1492 Washington Street, Canton. 6 p.m.-8 p.m. RSVP to 508-894-3830.

Wednesday, Oct. 21 — Boston Region Adoption Info Meeting, DCF Boston, 451 Blue Hill Avenue, Dorchester. 4 p.m.-5:30 p.m.

617-989-9209.

Ongoing — Federation for Children with Special Needs Parent Trainings. Free and open to the pub-

lic, these trainings cover a range of topics: Effective Communication and the IEP, Basic Rights in Special Education, Understanding My Child’s Learning Style, and more. Visit fcsn.org/ptic/workshops/ schedule for a schedule and descriptions.

Ongoing — Group for Adoptive Parents.

Adoption Associates, 34 Lincoln Street, Newton.

For parents of children in elementary or middle school, this monthly group focuses on understanding the impact of loss and trauma; learning to manage difficult and challenging behaviors; strengthening the family bond while preserving identity; and more. For more information, contact 617-965-9369 or info@adoptionassociates.org.

Check out our website or facebook for more info about each event. Info & events change without notice, everything is dependent on the weather.

“YOU WANT FRESH YOU WANT LOCAL”

294 Chase Rd Lunenburg 978-582-6246 • www.lanniorchards.com 8:00 a.m.-6:00 p.m. 7 Days a Week

Ongoing — Group for Adopted Teens. Adoption Associates, 34 Lincoln Street, Newton. For adopted children ages 14-19, this group focuses on identity development, self-esteem improvement, confidence building and communication skills. Participants will use conversation to reflect upon the experience of adoption and belonging.

For more information, contact 617-965-9369 or info@adoptionassociates.org.

Ongoing — Group for Adoptive Parents of Teens.

Adoption Associates, 34 Lincoln Street, Newton.

This monthly group focuses on understanding the impact of loss and trauma on children ages 14-19; learning to manage difficult and challenging behaviors; strengthening the family bond while preserving identity; and more. For more information, contact 617-965-9369 or info@adoptionassociates.org.

Ongoing — The Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children offers an afterhours telephone hotline that provides emergency assistance to foster kinship and pre-adoptive families when the DCF offices are closed. The helpline is available 5 p.m. to 9 a.m. on weekdays and 24 hours on weekends and holidays. The number is (800) 486-3730.

If your group or organization is holding an adoption information or support group and would like to have information posted for readers of baystateparent, please email editor@baystateparent.com.

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H

Parents: A Homework Help or Hindrance?

BY JENNIFER SHEEHY EVERETT

omework is a hotly debated topic among educators, parents, and child development experts. Some question whether it provides real value and wonder how much is appropriate for children of varying ages.

Others worry that children aren’t getting enough time after school to be active outside and exploring extracurricular interests because they’re too overburdened with nighttime work. And just as many wrestle with the role that parents or caretakers should play with homework.

The Broken Compass: Parental Involvement with Children’s Education, a scientific study published in January 2014 by sociology professors Keith Robinson (University of Texas at Austin) and Angel L. Harris (Duke University), tackled this subject head-on and shared surprising conclusions. Some forms of parental involvement in a child’s education actually lead to declines in academic performance, it reported, and parental help with homework was consistently negative. The reason why is unclear, but Robinson has speculated that many parents probably haven’t identified the most

effective ways to help their children.

They also may not remember the material their children are studying, or never learned it themselves, but continue to offer advice.

An August 2014 online study of parental involvement with homework, conducted by the nonprofit National Center for Families Learning, reinforced some of the same, revealing that more than 60% of surveyed parents with children in grades K-8 admitted to having trouble helping with homework, a jump up from the 49.1% reported in 2013. More than 25% claimed to be too busy, about 33% didn’t understand the subject matter, and 41% faced pushback from their kids when offering help.

Dr. Lisa Fiore of Belmont, a professor of education at Lesley University and mother to an 11and 13-year old, believes there is nothing wrong with helping children with homework. Doing so “provides a wonderful opportunity to check in and know what your child is learning,” she said. “On the most basic level, it’s a way for parents to connect with their kids.

The challenge is finding the right balance for every child and every family. Each child is different, and what works for one might not work

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for another. We need to honor our children and who they are, and help them develop their own competence.”

Finding balance • Consider a child’s unique needs and agree on a routine. Some children thrive with a break after school to play or socialize before diving into nightly assignments.

Others excel when tackling homework shortly after the school day, when lessons are top-of-mind.

Parents know their children best, but should still ask their child’s opinion on how they feel they can best tackle homework (when, in what environment, with what tools, etc.) and the type of support they’d welcome from a parent or caretaker. Agree to a routine that everyone can maintain. Some children aren’t naturally organized or may struggle with learning challenges, so they may require extra help figuring out how to approach assignments, understand directions, and juggle a lengthy todo list.

• Guide, don’t do. Kent Vienot of Melrose, a private school math teacher for more than 25 years

and father of two teenaged boys, believes that parents should act as coaches or facilitators, focusing on helping their children help themselves.

“You want to be there to support your child, especially if they’re frustrated and struggling, but you shouldn’t immediately step in and tell them what to do or how to do something,” he advised. “Ask them questions: ‘What are you having the most trouble with? What did you talk about in class related to that? Did you take any notes?’ Support their active learning and give them the tools to try to figure things out on their own. This is what the job of a parent (and teacher) ultimately is.”

Colleen McCallum of Worcester, a public school teacher for more than 20 years, agreed: “Homework reinforces the lessons I taught in class and helps me determine if my students understood the material.

It’s a hindrance if parents (or older siblings) do the work for them — after all, they can’t be with their kids in class when it comes time to take tests. Plus, they already passed the grade their child is tackling, so they don’t need to do the work again.”

• Remember that mistakes are OK. “We need to let children make mistakes and stumble sometimes.

When parents get too involved (with homework), there can be too much focus on the product rather than the process, and achievement is often stressed over the joy of learning,” Fiore notes. “If a child works independently and comes back with a grade that’s not so wonderful, use that as an opportunity to talk about what could have been done differently.”

• Don’t hesitate to engage with teachers. Reach out if you don’t understand the purpose of assignments, ask about homework policies, or share if your child is having difficulties with homework.

“Parents and teachers should be a team working for the benefit of the child,” McCallum adds. “I don’t want homework to become a battle. If a child is really struggling with homework, and parents and children are fighting about it, they should stop. Parents can write a note on the homework, sharing the amount of time the child spent on it and the struggle he or she was having, and request a review of the material with the child, and maybe

a conference to come up with a plan for the child. At the same time, kids have to learn to be responsible and know they have a job to do.

That’s what’s tough about being a parent — you want to give them independence, but also don’t want to see them fail.”

Not all parents or caretakers have every evening available to serve as homework watchdog or even feel comfortable with the task, especially when kids are in later grades.

Experts agree that even a brief scan of the child’s work or conversation about the subject matter they’re studying and how they’re handling it will be helpful and likely appreciated. Ultimately, it’s most important to uncover and address each child’s unique needs for homework support.

Everyone wins if homework empowers active learning, develops critical lifelong skills of organization, planning and time management, and fosters a sense of personal responsibility that will help form the successful and productive adults we all hope our children will become.

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VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE 40

Of Fist Bumps And Fundraising: Family Turns Viral Video Fame Into Awareness Effort

44

Let’s Go: Museum Experiences For Families With Special Needs

46

Social Scenarios: Surprising Lessons Learned When Letting Go

48

Divorce & Single Parenting: Co-Parenting A Child With Special Needs

50 52 53

Artist Raises Money, Awareness For Autism When Worried Parents Should Seek Professional Help For Their Children How To Plan For A Family Member With A Disability

PHOTO BY VICKI NEDOROSCIK

BAYSTATEPARENT 39

Photos courtesy The Fitzgerald Family

Photo By Katharine Langenberg

OF FIST BUMPS AND

Photo By Shawna Shenette Photography

Fundraising How the Fitzgerald family is turning viral video fame into dollars to end childhood cancer and raise awareness and opportunity for those with Down syndrome

BY MELISSA SHAW

40 OCTOBER2015

A

lmost one year ago, the Fitzgerald family headed to Boston from their home in Northborough, ready to watch former Bruin Shawn Thornton return to the TD Garden and take on his old team.

Eight-year-old son Liam, an avid fan and well-known to the team from previous games and visits, was invited by staff to sit on the Bruins bench to watch warm-ups.

But as a seasoned, savvy rink regular, Liam was not content to just sit on the bench. Older brother Nick had taught him well: The real action was at the end, right by the tunnel where the players exit the ice and head for the dressing room.

“He knew enough to sit on the very edge of the bench,” mom Christine recalls of that now infamous night.

“And the poor guy next to him, Derek [a Bruins trainer], was worried about

“When it came to cancer, I think we cried for about 5 minutes and then said, ‘OK, we’re gonna move on.’

I just said, ‘OK, we’re going to handle this. We’ll get through it.’

–‑ BILL FITZGERALD

him falling off the bench because he scooched right over to the end.”

One by one the Bruins stepped off the ice and onto the ramp leading into the tunnel, only to find a small fist extended their way. Liam waited patiently, knuckles out, completely sure of the outcome. There was no need to shout or clamor for attention, this was what hockey players do when they step off the ice. That he knew.

To a man, every player fist bumped the boy, hitting him in stride as they lumbered toward the dressing room, forward Daniel Paille even affectionately tapping Liam on the top of his Bruins cap. He wore no massive grin or awestruck expression you’d expect from a child meeting his heroes up close, but rather a small, sly smile with a business-like, grown-up air, completely at ease and at home. His mature façade cracked only once, when center Gregory Hamilton hit his hand a little too hard, causing Liam to shake it out and smile.

“We’re watching and amazingly

enough every player got him,” Christine recalled. A special moment for Liam, a great game, and a 2-1 overtime win for the good guys over the Panthers. What more could you ask for?

The next morning, dad Bill, home with a now under-the-weather Liam, picked up the phone. It was Christine, calling from work: “You’re not going to believe this…”

What followed in the next 11 months was, looking back on it, impossible to predict, yet once you learn about the Fitzgeralds, completely believable: viral video fame that the family has parlayed into over $150,000 in donations to fight blood cancer and a platform to raise awareness and opportunity for people with Down syndrome.

“We refuse to be victims” “I remember when we were first told in the delivery room that he had Down syndrome. We know that we were older having him, that there was some chance, but it was still a shock because at that point we didn’t know,” Bill recalled. “We didn’t have any of the aggressive testing to find out because termination wouldn’t have been an option for us. We had each other and we were able to say, ‘Wait a minute, we can handle Down syndrome.’”

So they did. “For the first four years, he was extraordinarily healthy,” he added. Save for an occasional sinus infection, ear tubes, and glasses at age 2, Liam avoided many of the medical issues often associated with children who have Down syndrome, such as gastrointestinal and bowel issues, eating and digestion difficulty, thyroid problems, or life-threatening diagnoses, such as heart conditions that require open-heart surgery in infancy or leukemia.

“I never thought about it until he had some blood tests that didn’t look too good,” Christine said. “And I went, ‘Oh…’ The minute I heard that I thought, That sounds like leukemia.”

Her mother’s intuition was brutally correct; Liam was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia at age 3.

“When it came to cancer, I think we cried for about 5 minutes and then said, ‘OK, we’re gonna move on.’ We both have this outlook: we refuse to be victims,” Bill said. “Whether it was the bully in the playground, difficult first marriage, Down syndrome, leukemia, whatever, I just said, ‘OK, we’re going to handle this. We’ll get through it.’ Parents lose children in car accidents, swimming pool accidents — you can lose them at any time. We always said we’re going to enjoy him as long as we have him, and that’s really what carried us along.”

“One of the things I found that was most important for us: We were very positive. We went through it with an incredibly upbeat attitude

“Everybody has some sort of direct connection to cancer. “How can you help? You don’t have to have a lot of money to help, there’s so much that can be done with volunteer work. They’re always looking for volunteers. We have to expand and broaden.”

–‑ CHRISTINE FITZGERALD

that ‘We can do this. We can handle it,’” Christine added. “It’s incredibly important for your child, for you to be the rock and help them through it. From Liam’s perspective, people would say, ‘He adapts so easily to all the treatments, all the medications.’

He never really seemed to have a hard time with it, and I think part of that is how you approach it as a family. It has to be everybody on the same page. We never changed the way we treated him.”

Looking back, the couple says this attitude set the stage for the next four years of his treatment, which resulted in a cancer-free declaration at age 8 and a Facebook post celebrating his last chemo treatment in May 2013: the grinning boy holding a sign: “I KICKED CANCER’S BUTT.” “When he was undergoing treatment, he had to get a lot of needles,” Bill explained. “From the very beginning I said, ‘This can be hard or this can be easy. Look, I’m not going to kid you, it’s going to hurt. But it will be quick, it’ll be over, and it’ll be fine.

If it’s hard, it’s going to hurt, it’s going to take longer.’ I’m literally trying to talk to him as an adult: ‘If you take a deep breath, relax, I’ll hold you, we’ll get that needle in once, and it’s over.’

can be brave and cry at the same time.”

It’s a philosophy and practice that has paid off well. Once, when it was time for a shot and Liam was in the middle of watching game highlights, he simply stuck out his arm and kept watching.

“It was hysterical,” Bill said. “I went, ‘Wow, it worked!’”

Becoming the Bruins #1 fan The family started attending Bruins games annually thanks to Liam’s big brother, 19-year-old Nick, who always asked for tickets as a Christmas present.

Yet Liam soon caught Bruins fever (“Who do you think turned him into the little sports nut that he is?”

Christine laughed) and discovered his favorite player, defenseman Adam McQuaid. His parents report that over breakfast, regardless of the sports season, Liam will watch the previous night’s highlights of any game while eating his favorite breakfast of scrambled eggs and bacon or waffles and bacon (common denominator: bacon).

“Ever since he was a baby, people have come up to talk to him and see him. There’s something about him.”

–‑ CHRISTINE FITZGERALD

Most of the time he would take the deep breath, he’d get one stick, and he’d be fine.”

To this day, when Liam takes a needle, he requests quiet; he doesn’t need to be talked through it anymore.

“He wants you to be quiet, he’ll get it done, and when it’s over, it’s done,” Christine noted.

“You can be brave and cry,” Liam noted.

Bill smiles proudly at the statement: “That’s right! I used to tell him you

“If it’s baseball season, we’re on MLB. If it’s hockey season, we’re on NHL video highlights. All New England sports, he loves them,” Christine said.

When Liam dressed up as McQuaid for Halloween 2013, Christine took a picture and posted it on Facebook and Twitter, where it somehow found its way to McQuaid’s sister. She still has no idea how McQuaid’s sister found the photo as she never tagged him or the Bruins. “We were away on BAYSTATEPARENT 41

vacation and I came back to a call from the [Bruins] community relations manager saying, ‘Adam McQuaid would like to invite you and your family to a game. He saw Liam and he’d like to meet him,’” she said.

“That was the start of us getting to know the Bruins.”

Fast forward to February 2014, when the family attended a game courtesy of McQuaid. While the “fist bump game” nine months later would be more famous, Christine said it was “the Adam McQuaid game” that was almost more incredible.

“During the game, so many interesting things happened,” she recalled.

Liam was named Fan of the Game, so he was featured on the Garden’s video scoreboard, earning him instant celebrity in the 17,000-person crowd. “We met so many people in the stands who did these amazing things. There was a vet behind us who had a combat action badge.

He gave it to [Liam] and said, ‘You need this to keep you safe.’ A guy on his way out handed me a $20 bill and said, ‘Put this in his college fund, I’ve never had so much fun at a Bruins game sitting around this kid and watching him.’ On the way to the train station, people are recognizing him and saying hi because he was Fan of the Game.” A woman took a medal from around her neck and handed it to Christine. “It was blessed by the Pope,” the woman said. “I want your son to have this because it’ll protect him.”

Worldwide fame Now, back to the morning after the Bruins-Panthers game last November: Bill was working from home because Liam was out of school with a sinus infection. Christine was on the job at Tufts University’s Medford/Somerville campus, trying to work in between fielding emails and calls from strangers, then the Bruins, and soon the media. She quickly realized what happened.

When Liam was fist bumping the Bruins the night before, someone in the crowd caught the moment on video. A little over a minute, the clip was picked up by a Swedish freelancer, HockeyWebCast, which uploads game highlights to YouTube. The footage soon took off and made the rounds across U.S., and then worldwide, news. Within one day the video had 1 million views, eventually racking up more than 5.5 million.

“We had no idea someone was taking a video,” Christine said. “We didn’t know until the next morning.

I started getting notes from people saying, ‘Isn’t this Liam?’”

While Christine set up the media schedule, Bill was at home in a scene that sounds like it came straight from a sitcom. In between juggling his own work and conference calls, Bill was trying to get the house ready for news crews and an under-the-weather 42 OCTOBER2015

Liam ready for a day with the media: “I’m cleaning up the house, picking it up, throwing him in the shower, steaming him up. They walk in and he’s the picture of hospitality: ‘Hi, how are you? Welcome to my home.’

Two hours later, they leave, I throw him back in the shower, steam him up, put him down for a nap, the next crew comes in. Later that night, the next crew comes in… He kept saying to me, ‘Dad, this is my third shower!’

The funny thing is, he looked like the picture of health on TV.” “It was hysterical to think about what he was able to get through that whole day,” Christine laughed.

The family, which does not have season tickets, attended several games last season following the fistbump game, invited by the Bruins, charitable organizations, or season ticket holders who offered up their

giving fist bumps as the family tries to wind their way through the concourse to their seats.

When he’s appearing on the video scoreboard or at an event, he’ll be sure to tip his cap to the crowd, a move he borrowed after seeing Derek Jeter do it during his retirement season. Christine laughed, remembering the first time she and Bill saw it in action: “We’re, like, ‘Oh, my god, look at him, he’s tipping his cap!’ We didn’t tell him how to do it.”

(But, never fear: When asked if he’s a Yankees fan, Liam’s response is firm, quick, and emphatic: “NO!”) “The world has embraced him and I thank them for that,” Christine said, noting she has heard from her son’s admirers from as far away as New Zealand. “He was given to us to raise, but he was given to the world to love. It’s so true.”

“It’s not about his disability, it’s about his ability.”

–‑ BILL FITZGERALD

seats. When Liam walks through the Garden today, he’s one of the most famous people in the building not on skates.

“All the Bruins fans know who he is, whether they’ve been to a game or not,” Christine noted. “People will call out, ‘There’s Liam!’ You don’t know the person, they don’t know us as a family, but they know of us.”

Yet she said the boy has always had a knack for attracting attention, just for being himself: “Ever since he was a baby, people have come up to talk to him and see him. There’s something about him. That’s always been happening, no matter where we go, and that’s before the video. Even when we went to the Garden before the video, people would come up to see him because they just thought he was a cute kid, plus he understands sports. You forget when you see a little kid who you think is a lot younger than they are, you watch how into the game he gets and you think, ‘How is that possible?’ and then they realize 1. He understands sports; 2. He’s older than he looks.”

Earlier this year, the family got to park in the players’ lot one night and ran into Andy Brickley, former Bruin and current color commentator for Bruins broadcasts on NESN. “Hi, Liam,” he greeted. “You’re here more than I am!”

Beloved by the staff, from the front office to the ushers (one of whom was the first to ask for his autograph), Liam enjoys his popularity, obligingly posing for photos and

What may be most amazing about the video is, at first glance, viewers are taken in by an impossibly cute boy in black and yellow fleece, doing something very appropriate for the setting and very wise for his age. The appeal has nothing to do with the fact he has Down syndrome.

“It’s not about his disability, it’s about his ability,” Bill said. “The fact he was sharp enough to sit on that bench. Nobody told him to put his hand out. He just knew, ‘I’m on the bench — boom.” I’m always amazed at just how functional he is and how many times people have said in their own ignorance, ‘Wow, he can do this?

He can do that?’ Don’t assume he can’t do something. He’s such a good friend. He’s such a caring, sympathetic, empathetic guy. He lives for the moment. He’s always in the now and he gets such joy out of the most simple things.”

By viewing Liam as he is, a 9-yearold boy, and not his diagnosis, Bill said parents can raise a new generation of inclusive, diagnosis-blind people.

“They are just people with a different diagnosis. Don’t treat them any differently, make sure they’re included in things, and look at them as just another person in the world,” he urged. “If you can have them as part of the crew, part of the team, part of the classroom, and really understand it, [people are] going to be so much more tolerant and have kinder hearts when they get older because they remember. If I’m a parent with a neu-

rotypical child, my child is going to be better because of Liam. My child is going to be better because he or she will be more sympathetic, more aware, more tolerant.”

“One of the things that is really important to the Massachusetts Down Syndrome Congress is awareness, opening up the eyes of people about what people with Down syndrome can contribute to the community,” noted Maureen Gallagher, executive director of the advocacy organization. “Allowing Liam to be front and center, showing how he participates in everyday life, how he is an amazing sports fan and goes to school and has friends, that he’s living a full and meaningful life — that’s the message we’re trying to portray to the community, and they exemplify that through their work with Liam.

It’s just amazing to us.”

Both Gallagher and Bill Fitzgerald, who also sits on the MDSC board, cited the organization’s latest public awareness project: Your Next Star, a campaign to make employers aware of the strong, competent, and dedicated employees they can find in adults who have Down syndrome.

“So much of this, it’s not financial support we need,” Christine said. “It’s more awareness, it’s more opportunity. It’s access. We don’t need any money to get people employed. You need to know the people are out there.”

“When you think about how far [the video] traveled, that means that awareness traveled that far,” Christine added. “What I heard from people, they saw the video, then they would say, ‘And now I’ve read your son’s story. I knew there was more to this than just a cute little kid on the bench fist bumping.’ The awareness it has brought beyond our local sphere has been amazing, and to see how kind people are and the way they embrace him and what he’s dealt with. I do think it’s helped people.”

Despite the worldwide popularity of the clip, some have still left ignorant, rude comments here and there online regarding the genetic disorder. Taking it in stride, Bill encourages people to “concentrate on what [Liam] was doing, the fact he knew what he was doing and knew what to do. Don’t make a prejudgment about a kid with Down syndrome or any other disorder, for that matter.”

While Liam’s story spreads an important message about inclusion and acceptance, Christine said it highlights the character of hockey players, as well: “What do you see in the character of these guys who see this little kid on the bench and pay attention to him as they come off? The hockey players are amazing, they’re very down to earth, very real, people. You see them always as the tough guys, but if you get beyond that there’s a real strong human in there. The people who work there and the team: very down-to-earth,

Man of the year While 2014 ended strong for Liam — international YouTube sensation, named Best Fan 2014 by USA Today and one of the Top 15 Cutest Kids 2014 — the new year promised even more accolades and opportunity.

There were offers of more Bruins games, a game in Patrice Bergeron’s suite on St. Patrick’s Day, turning 9 in February, and the unveiling of Liam’s own official Upper Deck trading card.

The company contacted the family with an offer for the latter; it was unveiled on ice at a packed March 2015 game. Liam carries it in his wallet (one branded with the Bruins logo, naturally) and flashes it as his ID (“I’ve gotta show this guy my ID,” Liam announced at the grocery store recently. “We’re buying fish,” Bill replied, “why do we need to show him an ID?”). Liam was seen on every major media outlet in the U.S., joined Bruins broadcasts in between periods, and was the subject of a lengthy profile on ESPN’s E:60 news program, one so touching it will make even the steeliest viewer’s “allergies” act up.

Both parents are clear, while the family has enjoyed special, amazing experiences through charitable organizations and Liam’s newfound fame, “it’s not about the fun or the activities we’ve had the opportunity to do, it’s about the people we’ve met,” Christine stated. A twin goal is raising awareness and money for the causes closest to their hearts.

Christine decided to take a very firm, ambitious step toward the latter, riding Liam’s wave in an attempt to break the fundraising record for the Massachusetts chapter of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s annual Man and Woman of the Year competition. A 10-week campaign held every spring, participants attempt to raise the most money to earn the title. It’s also a “silent” campaign — entrants have no idea how much they’ve raised until the May banquet, when the winner is announced. Yet Christine didn’t submit her name, she nominated Liam.

Team Liam held fundraising events throughout the state, from personal appearances where he sold and autographed his Upper Deck card and bracelets proclaiming #bumpoutcancer, to T-shirts and a karaoke dance party. “I had a great marketing tool,” she admitted. “Bringing him places physically made a huge difference, people wanted to meet him.”

Months later, even recalling the project sounds exhausting: “We killed ourselves on this campaign,” she said. The Bruins Foundation stepped up, donating $23,000 to the effort.

At the awards dinner, when the Man of the Year was announced, it was the guy with the glasses, huge smile, and spiky hair wearing the size 4 tux. Liam and family raised a grand total of $154,000. Overall, Man and Woman of the Year candidates raised a combined $415,000 for the organization, which will fund everything from research to critical financial assistance for patients and community services.

“After going through the campaign, it really didn’t matter who won,” Christine noted, admitting she is competitive and had her eye on the $250,000 record. “We’re all raising

which his body was not producing on its own. He’s still tiny for his age, the size of a preschooler, but he’s now growing steadily. Swiping through the photos on her phone — a who’s who of Boston sports (Liam in David Ortiz’s arms, sitting at Bruins coach Claude Julien’s desk, on the field at the New England Revolution game, and shots with the majority of Bruins), she’s amazed at his progress.

“I had to buy him new black pants,” she exclaimed happily, pointing to his legs.

Over the summer, Liam enjoyed bowling, mini golf, and tennis, time at his family’s place in New Hampshire,

him terribly,” Christine noted. “They Skype every week.”

For their part, the Bruins shook up their roster after their fifth-place finish in the Atlantic, one spot removed from the playoffs. Gone are “buddies” Gregory Campbell, Daniel Paille, and — worst of all for Christine — her favorite, Milan Lucic.

“Mommy was very sad,” Bill grinned.

As you might expect, the Fitzgeralds will return to the Garden on Thursday, Oct. 8 for the opening of the 2015-2016 Bruins season. As you also might expect, the family will be volunteering, selling 50-50 raffle tickets to benefit the MDSC. On Oct. 12, Christine will run the Tufts 10K in Boston with the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s Moms in Training group, and on Nov. 22, Nick will come home to skate for the MDSC All-Stars in their 10th annual benefit game against the Bruins Alumni team.

A new grade, a new tooth, even a new pair of pants for a growing boy.

A fresh new season for his favorite team.

So, how will the Bs do this year? Liam’s prediction is quick: “Happy.”

Christine Fitzgerald, Bruins Bear, big brother Nick Cavanna, Liam, family friend Mikey Upton, Bill Fitzgerald, and Liam’s aunt Judy Leonard.

money for the same purpose with the same great outcomes in mind.”

Sharon Klein, executive director of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, noted that Liam’s entry also delivered invaluable media attention, which translates into tangible benefits.

“It brought us a ton of little clips on TV that we would never get,” she said. “It opens up so many doors. It’s, yes, making people aware and educating them, but it’s also bringing people to us who need resources. That’s our goal: to reach as many people as we can and help them. It did that. It’s still doing that.”

“Everybody has some sort of direct connection to cancer. I can’t imagine anyone who doesn’t know someone or has been personally affected,” Christine added. “How can you help?

You don’t have to have a lot of money to help, there’s so much that can be done with volunteer work. They’re always looking for volunteers. We have to expand and broaden.”

A new season ahead It has been a busy off-season for the Fitzgeralds and the Bruins. For the former, Liam has grown 4 inches since last November, thanks to nightly injections of growth hormones,

and sleeping in: “He thinks 9 a.m. is the crack of dawn,” Christine noted.

He loves Minecraft and any time he can spend with his best friend, Chase. In August, he was invited to the Lowell Spinners game, where the family and the crowd broke the Guinness World Record for Most Simultaneous Fist Bumps with a grand total of 2,602, smashing the previous record of 1,821.

Now Liam is getting ready to lose his first tooth — a bottom incisor is very wiggly — and he’s finally tall enough to ride the “big yellow school bus” to third grade. That’s a treat he’s been waiting for since he started school; at 3’4” he meets the height minimum to ride safely.

Big brother Nick is back at school in his sophomore year at Marist College in New York. “He misses

Photo By Shawna Shenette Photography

amazing people.”

The bond between the Bruins and the Fitzgeralds is not surprising, when you think about it — they’re all grinders — hard workers focused on one goal: winning.

BAYSTATEPARENT 43

V Photo Courtesy Museum of Fine Arts

isiting a museum can be a fun and educational opportunity, but for families with children with special needs, this is not always the case. Children on the autism spectrum may struggle with crowds and noise. Those who have difficulty hearing or seeing may not be able to fully appreciate the museum displays. Fellow museum attendees may not understand if children are acting in a nontraditional manner. But three local museums are working hard to ensure that all children, and the families that accompany them, are able to make the most of their visits.

The Boston Children’s Museum (bostonchildrensmuseum.org) features exhibits focusing on science, culture, environmental awareness, health and fitness, and the arts. While American Sign Languageinterpreted programs are regularly scheduled during normal museum hours, Morningstar Access offers children with special needs and/or medical needs the opportunity to visit the museum at a time when there are few other visitors. There is a limit of 100 guests, allowing families to enjoy the museum without the pressure of large crowds and with a reduced risk of infection.

“Morningstar Access started in May 2013. A request from two mothers with children with health problems inspired us to start the program,” said Saki Iwamoto, the museum’s health and wellness educator. “We offered a special morning visit to the two families, and then began Morningstar Access to serve more families.”

Over the past two years, the program has grown. “When the program first started, we only had a few registrations, but within five months we had 100 people attending (including children and the adults accompanying them),” she said. “Although it has its ups and downs, depending on weather and other factors, for the most part the programs have nearly full attendance.”

VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE • LET’S GO

Museum Experiences for Those with

Special Needs Photo credit: Saki Iwamoto

Photo credit: Saki Iwamoto

BY PATRICE FAGNANT-MACARTHUR

The Discovery Museums in Acton (discoverymuseums.org) offer two museums for children and families to explore. At the Children’s Discovery Museum, younger children learn while they play. The Science Discovery Museum is designed for children and adults to experience scientific concepts and hands-on creativity. The Discovery Museums began offering its Especially for Me programs in 2010.

“The Autism Alliance of MetroWest had been providing some professional development for our staff and we became aware of the need for this type of event, which would allow whole families to come to a place that is welcoming, with well-trained staff and likeminded fellow museum attendees,” said Ann Sgarzi, director of marketing. That first year, two programs were offered — one for those with autism and one for hearing-impaired children. Now, several programs are offered throughout the year with 100 to 200 people attending per event and more than 6,000 served since the program began.

“Part of the goal of the Discovery Museums is to become welcoming to all kids and families,” added CEO Neil Gordon. “Over 5% of children in Massachusetts have some type of special needs. Over the past year we have been working with 10 other cultural institutions through the Massachusetts Cultural Council UP program to work on creating more inclusive programming.”

The Discovery Museums offer Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) Friendly Afternoons and Free Evenings for Families with ASD. There are also morning and evening programs for families with deaf or hard-of-hearing infants and toddlers, as well as evenings for families of children with a hearing or visual impairment.

“This fall we will begin construction on a great new outdoor area called Discovery Woods, which will be a nature-based playscape designed to be inclusive,” Gordon noted. “A centerpiece of this area will be a fully accessible tree house, enabling all to experience the joys of seeing the world from above.”

Photo Courtesy Discovery Museum

The Boston Museum of Fine Arts (mfa.org) offers in-house and offsite workshops for those with special needs. The Artful Healing program provides art-making activities for children, teens, young adults, and their families in Boston-area hospitals and healthcare centers.

The MFA currently provides off-site workshops at Boston Children’s Hospital, Massachusetts General Hospital, and the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute.

“The program was inspired by the experience of an employee in the Museum’s education department who spent many hours in hospitals as a child, watching her brother battle Burkitt’s Lymphoma,” said Emily Munson, Artful Healing coordinator. “There was a program called Artful Adventures that already existed at the museum and proved to be very successful at bringing collections-based art workshops to the community in a variety of settings.” While Artful 44 OCTOBER2015

Adventures was already designed to be accessible and inclusive for all kinds of students, museum staff tweaked it to work with hospitalized children, taking into consideration their specialized needs and consulting closely with hospital staff for guidance and suggestions.

“The MFA also happens to be a very close neighbor to the Longwood Medical Area, which made Boston Children’s Hospital an easy first point of contact,” she said. “The association between the two institutions, though, was prompted not just by proximity, but by the shared belief that art is a powerful tool that can aid families and children in difficult circumstances.”

Artful Healing relaunched in 2007 and has served over 4,000 participants.

The MFA’s Beyond the Spectrum

program is focused on 8- to 12-yearolds on the autism spectrum.

Accompanied by a caregiver, the program provides the opportunity for youth to explore the museum and engage in art-making. Launched in 2011, it has served more than 300 children.

“We would like to continue and expand both programs,” Munson said.

For those with low vision or blindness, the museum offers Feeling for Form, which provides the opportunity to tour the collections through tactile exploration of selected sculpture and furniture, and through verbal description, tactile graphics, and other materials for artworks that cannot be touched. A Hand’s Reach to Art program provides sign-languageinterpreted programs.

Museums That Offer Special Needs Accommodations Many museums have an individual in charge of accessibility. Even if a museum does not advertise a special program or accommodation, it never hurts to call or e-mail to ask about special services before planning a visit. The more that museums are aware of the need, the more likely it is that additional programs will be offered.

Boston Children’s Museum bostonchildrensmuseum.org 308 Congress Street, Boston 617-986-3697 Offers Morningstar Access for children with special needs and/or medical needs. There is a limit of 100 guests for these programs. ASL interpreted programs are also regularly scheduled.

Boston Museum of Fine Arts mfa.org Avenue of the Arts 465 Huntington Avenue, Boston 617-267-9300 Beyond the Spectrum is for children aged 8-12 on the autism spectrum accompanied by a caregiver. It meets one Saturday per month from 10:30 a.m.-12 p.m. and offers the opportunity for exploration and art-making.

Boston Science Museum mos.org 1 Science Park, Boston 617-723-2500 The Museum of Science has an accessibility coordinator in place to assist visitors with questions regarding accessibility for those with disabilities. The accessibility coordinator can also assist in planning a visit

around individual interests or specific needs. Call 617-589-3102 or email accessibility@mos.org.

Saturday and Sunday mornings from 9 a.m.-11 a.m. and weekday afternoons after 2 p.m. (during the school year) are often less busy, quieter times to visit.

Discovery Museums discoverymuseums.org 177 Main Street (Route 27), Acton 978-264-4200 Offers ASD Friendly Afternoons and Free Evenings for Families of Children with ASD, Free Mornings for Families with Deaf or Hard of Hearing Infants and Toddlers, Free Evenings for Families with Deaf or Hard of Hearing Children, and Evenings for Families of Children with a Visual Impairment.

New England Aquarium neaq.org 1 Central Wharf, Boston 617-973-5206 On the first Sunday of every month, sign language interpretation is offered for most programs from 12:30 p.m.– 4 p.m.

Old Sturbridge Village osv.org 29 Stallion Hill Road, Sturbridge 800-733-1830 Sign language interpretation is available by request, with at least four weeks’ advance notice.

Email kadams@osv.org. Sensory Opportunities are available throughout the museum. Ask costumed interpreters about which objects can be handled.

BAYSTATEPARENT 45

VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE

SOCIAL SCENARIOS: SURPRISING LESSONS LEARNED WHEN LETTING GO

BY WENDY BULAWA AGUDELO

As

a parent to children with special needs, I expect that each day will hold something unexpected or unplanned. Some days, it will be a surprisingly positive, monumental or milestone-passing day. On others, it may become a day that takes an emotional, and even a physical, toll. It’s what has become my new “normal.”

Yet on one particular day this summer, at an area swim club, I had an epiphany, the catalyst of which was one of every parent’s more challenging situations — peer exclusion.

Realistically, children with special needs are spotted early by their neuro-typical counterparts — some of who are so relaxed that they enjoy any child in their midst, while others find that any differences lead to some struggles. Not much changes as children age, so as they enter into young adulthood, their instinctive nature becomes further defined, as does how they view differences.

At the pool, I watched each of my kids engage various children — some who seemed to enjoy my children’s company, others who simply gawked at them and, ultimately, swam or walked away. At that moment, I realized my children were on the cusp of a new developmental minefield littered with not only hidden bombs, but also shrapnel and collateral damage potential at every turn. I braced myself for those moments and began to immediately worry and concern myself with what tools I would arm my children with to successfully navigate these awkward, albeit painful, social scenarios.

Plenty of therapists, social coaches and other special needs parents have told me countless times that we need to advocate for our children by supervising and supporting play schemas so that we can coach and 46 OCTOBER2015

script social scenarios. I’ve just never truly understood when those teaching moments need to wane. When my daughter is 18, working outside the home, and is confronted by a fellow peer at her job, who will be there to coach her or script a scenario towards remedy? Not me, I’d wager.

Therefore, given many years of active ‘coaching,’ I felt this summer was a great time to lengthen the proverbial tether and allow my children to gain real-world exposure — without my hawking over them — just as parents of neuro-typical children seem to do.

And, as I learned on one particular day, this is necessary if we want to truly prepare our children and give them the tools they need to one day be successfully independent.

Setting the Stage My daughter, age 10, perked up when she saw two fellow classmates arrive at the pool with their families. The girls were seemingly glued together, however both of them knew my daughter and had befriended and enjoyed her during the school year. I had seen this many times while hosting playdates and outings, including visits to our home. I, in fact, believed they were really good friends!

Needless to say, my heart started to break shortly thereafter as my daughter, who has Down syndrome, approached them with a warm hello and that pure, unadulterated excitement that spews out of little girls.

Rather than reciprocate, the girls instead brushed her off and jumped into the pool without her. I stared in shock. To my daughter’s credit, she jumped in after them and attempted to keep up — but they did all they could to leave her in the dust. My bright little girl swam to the side, joined me at my chair, and cried. Of course she cried — her feelings had

been deeply hurt. At the same time, this was it — a real opportunity. I steeled myself, held her close, wiped her tears, and asked what had happened.

She told me how the girls had ignored her, swam away, and how it made her sad. With tears welling in my eyes, I looked at her and started my parental speech: “Oh, don’t let those girls get under your skin, baby girl. If they don’t want to play with you, you have so many others you can play with today — including me.”

She replied, “But I wanted to play with them and they just swam away.”

My response, “Yes, honey, and perhaps they are playing a two-person game, which is why they did what they did. It doesn’t really matter, honey, because you can make new friends anywhere — and today is a day for you to practice.”

And in that moment, she stopped crying, looked up and around to see who had seen her tearful moment, hugged me tighter, and with staunch determination said, “I’m going back in the pool!”

I couldn’t have been prouder of my strong-willed baby girl. She wasn’t going to let anyone get the better of her! My heart, while broken, began to feel relief. And then, it hit me. This was the first of many situations that children with special needs face every single day. Most of us easily navigate social situations with grace, courtesy or basic attitude. But my daughter, she did it….with fortitude.

Not 15 minutes later, two teenagers popped over to introduce themselves, with my daughter lovingly tucked between them. The smile on my daughter’s face was as big as I’d ever seen as she had, completely on her own, made not one, but two new friends! The three of them walked off to the pool and I watched them all practice underwater flips and hand-

stands, as they giggled together and chatted until the sun went down.

Further, the same pair of teenagers sought out my daughter during each of our successive visits — even when they’d arrived at the pool with other friends in tow. Our daughter was no longer being excluded, she was being included — and what made it more delectable was that she was doing so on her terms! She didn’t let her feelings disable her ability to move forward. Instead, she used it to power her perseverance. I wasn’t by her side coaching her or supervising her play. I wasn’t chatting up parents and asking them to befriend or play with my children. I didn’t have to tell her what to say or do. She did it on her own — just like any neuro-typical child.

Children with special needs, because of their diagnoses or delayed skills, are often presumed to be less ‘able.’ However in my short 10 years as a parent, I’ve met numerous families and children who have taught me the following valuable lesson — each of which were applied when sidelinespectating my daughter’s milestone moment: “The right perspective makes the impossible, possible.”

Every facet and element of our daily lives is attributed to our personal viewpoint. If something is viewed as negative, it will feel negative.

However, if viewed with a different lens or from a different angle, the situation can easily become opportunistic. Many of us are so exhausted that it can be challenging to be optimistic, yet in truth, every situation, opportunity and condition can be viewed in either a positive or negative light.

When coal handles stress well, diamonds are created. Many of the brightest and most monumental moments (child’s first steps, awarding of a diploma, passing a driver’s test, etc.) are the result of intense

VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE stress or strain. Ask any special needs parent who has successfully won an IEP battle, gained support funds from an insurance company, or run a marathon alongside their child (Team Hoyt!). For parents of children with special needs (and their children, for that matter), stress can frequently become an everyday state of being. Too often, we relent under it and lose sight of the rewards yet to come. We’re a society overwrought with convenience, speed and superficiality. Therefore, focusing on what truly matters can turn even the most stressful days into happier ones.

The bigger the obstacle, the greater the victory upon overcoming it.

Whether it’s your child’s first giggle, smile, sign, word, or step, milestones are, simply, goals. We all set our own and regularly reset them in an effort to push our spirit, our minds and bodies to limits we never believed imaginable to achieve those goals.

Our children are no different. They too have goals — even when obstacles rest squarely in their path.

As parents, our job is to encourage, support and praise steps forward, while comforting our children should they backslide. Overcoming obstacles may be an arduous, daily effort for some, but the taste of victory is so delicious, it will always ensure your

return for more.

A momentary heartbreak can become a lifelong victory. Whether you are a parent who was not invited to a social gathering, a forgotten mom from a moms-only coffee, or a child that didn’t receive a birthday party invite, the momentary hurt feelings are just that…momentary.

Interestingly, as a parent to children with special needs, I’m grateful for the fact that human nature does not allow people to veil who they are for very long. Whether due to discomfort, lack of knowledge, insecurity or a poor personality, some adults (and children) do not feel comfortable engaging families or children with special needs. And that is OK. Fortunately, there are plenty who genuinely care less about differences and instead, focus on making a difference. Many of us work hard to ensure our children (and ourselves) are properly included. However, an important question to ask before putting on the full-court press is whether it will be worth it?

Should you get invited to all the events? Will you or your children feel comfortable in those settings?

Do you believe you can form genuine friendships or merely superficial acquaintanceships? Find your squad and game on!

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DIVORCE & SINGLE PARENTING • VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE

Co-Parenting A Child With Special Needs

BY ATTY. IRWIN M. POLLACK

W

hen parents separate or divorce, the process is tough — on both the adults and the children — but when you add children with special needs into the mix, the transitions can be especially challenging. For starters, consider the financial support and parenting plan issues that may vary from traditional agreements.

Financial Support Child support is meant to provide financial support, but it typically ends when emancipation occurs — usually between the ages of 18 and 23, depending on specific circumstances. However, Massachusetts Child Support Guidelines allow for a judge to deviate from the support formulas, based on specific written findings.

If a divorcing couple has a child with special needs, child support determined by the support formulas likely would not cover the actual costs for specialized therapy, equipment, medications, special dietary requirements, schooling, and tuition.

Additionally, providing for child support beyond the normal age of emancipation may be deemed appropriate, depending on the circumstances of the child.

And while it may be your goal that your child is eventually able to live on his or her own as an adult, you need to hope for the best, but still have an alternate plan. For children with special needs, you should be anticipating life-long support issues — well into the child’s adulthood

and possibly beyond the parents’ lifetimes. Adult children with special needs typically become uninsurable as dependents, so the child will likely need to depend on Medicare for medical expenses.

You should also consider special needs trusts and life insurance when looking at the big picture relating to post-divorce finances. A wise move would be to schedule an appointment with an estate planning attorney, who can provide advice for planning ahead.

Parenting Plans Every child and family is different, and it is essential to carefully consider every child’s needs in establishing a parenting plan. Some challenges could include:

tion, and treatment plans may not be in the best interest of the child.

about the child’s special needs could pose a long-term risk to the child.

A complete analysis of the child’s safety, the severity of the diagnosis, parental commitment, and availability of each to pursue the best medical, educational, and therapeutic services is key. Additionally, each parent’s insights and the degree to which he or she is tuned in with the challenges must be assessed.

Which parent should have custody and other parts of a parenting plan may be determined by reviewing some of the following:

The following considerations should be made in assessing the parenting plan possibilities:

• Safety issues — Inconsistency in (or the lack of) supervision, or a parent who has not implemented appropriate home safety modifications can present a higher risk of harm.

Once your settlement agreement or divorce decree has been signed off by the court, remember to provide the school, the child’s doctor or therapist, other specialists, and/ or the babysitter with copies of the relevant portions of the agreement.

The last thing you’ll want to encounter is a teacher unsure about whether to release the child to the correct parent; a doctor uncertain who maintains the right to make the needed medical decisions; or questions from a babysitter about who might be transporting your child to and from school or appointments.

• Since children with special needs often require standard routines, shared custody schedules may become unworkable.

• Structure and routine — A parent unable to implement consistent routines, such as meals, bedtime, hygiene, and chores, could create a detrimental environment. The same goes for the parent who does not apply appropriate limits, positive reinforcement, and consequences.

• Having two parents with different opinions about healthcare, educa-

• Acceptance of the child’s needs and condition — Any parent in denial

• Parents may not agree on how to address the child’s special needs on a daily basis.

• Transitions between homes — Schedules with multiple transitions or conflict-ridden parents pose a risk.

• Finances — The parent who is willing and able to pay for special services as recommended, versus an unwilling parent, ought to be reviewed when considering the “best interest of the child” standard.

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BAYSTATEPARENT 49

VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE

Beyond a Box: ‘Kids With Autism Are Just Kids’ Artist raises money, awareness for autism

BY KIMBERLY PETALAS, PHOTOS BY STEVEN KING “Every kid likes to draw, but with Sam, we never put the crayons away,” Janet Amorello said about her son, Sam Tomasiello, 20, who was diagnosed with autism at the age of 6. “I was an art major, so to sit down with him and draw was working to my strong suit. I noticed he was making very intricate designs.”

This is when she began to realize her son’s hidden talents.

“When I would ask him what he drew, and he would say, ‘A window,’ it would take me a few minutes, but when I looked hard enough, there was a window underneath all the other stuff going on,” she said. “It really makes me wonder what is going on inside that head of his. He has these incredible color pairings that I never would have thought to put together. He has never had an allegiance to the rules of color.”

And with all that imagination, Amorello decided that it was time for her family to give a little back.

“We had this stack of drawings just sitting around and I decided it would be great to be able to sell them to raise money for a walk for autism,” she said. “We used them as thank-you cards at first for anyone who donated, but when I saw someone else selling some for a cause, I thought, Well, we can do that.”

From there, Sam’s drawings have been donated to many organizations trying to raise money. He also took part in an art show for children with special needs, and for two years in a row, Sam’s artwork was featured on the front of the invitations.

“I can’t say that Sam’s art will ever be featured in the Museum of Fine Art,” Amorello said, “but I do know that it will make you smile.”

He was also selected to take part in a juried exhibit at Unum, a large insurance company in Worcester, and in a solo exhibit at the Bolton Public Library in Central Massachusetts. He will be featured as artist of the month at the Westford Parish for the Arts Center in January.

“Someone asked me once how he feels if his artwork gets rejected. Honestly, he could care less. I’m the one that cries,” Amorello said.

“He does it purely to create and he truly does

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■ May Center School for Brain Injury & Related Disorders 800.778.7601 not care if you like [his artwork] or not. It’s really fun, though, to watch him at these galleries. He knows that it is all about him and he lights up like a Christmas tree. It’s important to me that he is doing this because he enjoys it. And he is.”

Last year alone, Sam and Amorello raised $2,000 for autism awareness, and not all of that money came from Sam’s art, either.

“We started selling ‘Mr. Dog Bones’ [treats],” Amorello said. “Sam had a seizure and [the family pet] Mr. Dog barked until I came to see what was going on. He is a hero and we agreed that we needed to honor Mr. Dog in some way, and this is how Sam wanted to do it.”

Although it now seems easier than it once was, Amorello said when Sam was first diagnosed, she was in denial.

“I was told that kids with autism were not social and had no empathy,” she recalled. “Sam didn’t fit that. He was very social. One time, after my sister passed away, Sam walked in my room and saw me crying. He hugged me and wiped away my tears. What did they mean kids with autism had no empathy?

It was clear Sam didn’t fit all of the usual criteria. He would have been diagnosed earlier if there was more awareness back then.

“My question is: Why do we have to put him in this autism box?” she continued. “He’s a Sam. Kids with autism are just kids. They are all different.”

To help not only herself, but also those around her better understand her life with Sam, Amorello created a blog, “Blending with Autism” (facebook.com/blendingwithautism).

“I felt the need to explain,” she said. “I think I was just tired of people thinking my life was tragic. I don’t think we are terribly different than anyone else. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t worry about their kids. Yes, we have good days and bad days, but I really just wanted to say it from my perspective. I’m speaking for one kid, not an entire community. This is one slice of my life.”

For years, Amorello said she wanted her family to blend in with the rest of society around her, but quickly realized that life with Sam was about standing out, not hiding in the background.

“Between Sam and Mr. Dog, we are hard to forget,” she laughed. “We don’t exactly blend in, but blending is overrated.”

With more and more awareness being brought about for autism, Amorello said she hopes that more people will also understand how the developmental disorder works.

“Some people don’t realize that even though a child cannot communicate, they still understand everything you say. They are sensitive and feel deeply. It’s easy to get stuck on the disability. Every kid has different abilities, such as art, music, or dance. I wake up every day not knowing how it will go; every day is an adventure. I hope the awareness continues to evolve so more information is out there for parents. We already know how our story ends; we don’t care how or why it started.

We’ve been diagnosed and we don’t care what the cause was, but others do. We are looking forward and not going back.”

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VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE

When Is It Time To Seek Professional Help?

Experts tips for getting help for your child

BY MICHELE BENNETT DECOTEAU

E

very stage of childhood is marked with a change in parenting, and each stage has unique joys and challenges. When your child seems unable or unwilling to embrace the challenges, at what point should you ask for help beyond your parenting network?

“When your child is in distress and they are not functioning in their basic roles at school or the family, it is time to seek help,” says Laurene Allen, agency director at the Family Guidance Center of Milford. “’Functioning’ means: Are they getting up and going to school and participating? Are they making friends, being part of the family?”

All kids have days they don’t want to go to school or their sibling’s soccer game. When children are in distress for whatever reason, this protest can be extraordinary and can interfere with the function of the family. Distress can manifest as problems academically or interacting with peers in the classroom, or acting out within the family. Children in distress may express fear about an activity or they may have trouble controlling their anger.

Everyone has a unique learning and coping style, but often parents or school counselors will be able to tell when a child just isn’t functioning well.

“Three of the most common diagnoses for therapy referrals are anxiety, depression, or being on the autism spectrum,” says Michael Cirillo, PhD, ABPP-CN, clinical neu52 OCTOBER2015

ropsychologist and cofounder of Cornerstone Behavioral Health in Worcester.

If parents believe it is time to seek professional help, there are three tiers of services to which they can turn.

1. Counselors. This is a mix of mental health professionals, including licensed social workers and mental health nurses. Councilors are licensed in their field and have extensive training in working with families and children. Often it is a counselor who does the initial assessment with a child or family.

2. Psychologists. These professionals are trained to provide counseling, psychotherapy and testing.

Some of the tests they may conduct include IQ tests, visual motor integration tests, memory tests, and personality tests. Psychotherapy includes various talk therapy, group and individual counseling, and family therapy.

3. Psychiatrist. Psychiatrists are medical doctors with additional training in mental health. They can prescribe medication, which can effectively treat many disorders.

In children, anxiety and depression can be caused by many factors, some quite similar to adults, and others unique to developing young people. “Kids experience loss issues and that can be expressed in anxiety or sadness,” Allen says. “That is

especially true if you have a really sensitive kid. Learning struggles in school can cause some kids a lot of anxiety. Sometimes if parents, or the kids themselves, have had serious medical issues this can be expressed as anxiety. And sometimes we see kids with a lot of anxiety who have experienced abuse or trauma.”

“All kids have some fears and worries, but when they are significantly interfering or taking up a lot of time, you should seek help. Two common expressions of anxiety in kids: avoidance and social anxiety,” Cirillo says.

Avoidance is just like it sounds, kids try their best to avoid going to school, activities, and events.

While every child might like to avoid school on a big test day, or picture day if they have a funny haircut, when this behavior gets extreme or it is getting more and more difficult to get a child to an activity, it is called avoidance. Social anxiety is beyond just having butterflies on the first day of school or before a school dance. Social anxiety interferes with a child doing something in which they want to take part.

Childhood depression depends on the age (and stage of a child), but anytime a child is sad for days that turn into weeks, a parent should seek help. This is especially true in teens and tweens.

“Adolescents sometimes can hurt themselves, scratching, hair pulling, and things like that. It is often schools who hear about distress like this from peers,” Allen says.

If a school counselor has recom-

mended that a child be evaluated to determine if he falls on the autism spectrum, that will likely be performed by a mixed team of mental health professionals as children need to be evaluated on social skills, motor functioning, and cognitive processes.

Generally, a mental health team starts with an evaluation and the complexity of that report determines what happens next.

“If the child had a diagnostic, psychological, or neuropsychological evaluation, parents will receive the results in a report. The evaluation will include things like background, when the problem started, medical history, any previous treatment, and information about education. It will include the results of any tests given by team. And it will include the diagnosis and treatment options,” Cirillo says.

Kids are sometimes an amplifier of distress in the family. Counselors may broaden the therapy to include family counseling. Family counseling centers and family therapists can provide parents with guidance on care decisions and general parenting issues.

“We are parenting in complex times,” says Allen. “Sometimes parents ask themselves ‘Am I on the right track?’ and seeking a consult with a family counselor can really help. That can help parents learn how to talk to their kids and help things fall into place.”

VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE

How To Plan For a Family Member With a Disability: An Integrative Approach

BY FREDERICK M. MISILO, JR., ESQ. As families plan the future for a son, daughter, or even a sibling with a disability, the considerations of what steps they need to take now can be a daunting challenge. Families who have a relative with a significant disability face the uncertainty of future government services and benefits, legal jargon, and often-conflicting professional advice.

An integrative approach to special needs planning combines legal, financial, and person-centered planning tools to create a comprehensive lifetime plan to support a family member with a disability.

Person-Centered Planning A person-centered plan must involve those who care about and know well the individual and family personally — the network of support. It is best to have a neutral and trained facilitator guide the group in developing a vision focusing on the gifts, choices, and preferences of the individual. A clear action plan serves as a road map to enriching the person’s future and can be revised as often as necessary. Although there are many kinds of person-centered planning tools, these components are central to all: • Understanding of the individual and family • Identification of a personal net work of support • Vision for the future • Plan to implement the vision • Review and revision of the plan on a regular basis When I serve as a trustee of a supplemental needs trust, a person-centered plan is an invaluable tool when making decisions about the distribution of trust assets on the beneficiary’s behalf.

This tool helps ensure that the supplemental needs trust is being administered in a fashion consistent with the values and needs of the beneficiary and the beneficiary’s family.

Special Needs Estate Planning The role of a special needs estate-planning attorney is to develop the appropriate legal documents for the family. Special needs estate planning is an advanced form of estate planning that incorporates traditional concerns (e.g.,

how the estate will be divided and distributed, reduction of estate tax, probate court avoidance strategies, asset preservation strategies, etc.) with the objective of supporting a family member with a disability following the passing of the parents and/or primary family care providers.

A supplemental needs trust is a cornerstone of a special needs estate plan. It can ensure that a family member with a disability can maintain his or her eligibility for government benefits such as MassHealth, supplemental security income, and other means-tested benefits in the future. Families are then faced with how to best use the family assets for the benefit of their family member with a disability after the death of both parents.

Families are concerned that the family assets not be wasted and there are also significant concerns about those assets being stolen or misused at some point in the future. A fundamental concern is to ensure that future decisions are made by informed and competent individuals who have the best interest of their relative in mind at all times.

SEVEN HILLS CHARTER PUBLIC SCHOOL

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• Two outstanding educators in each core classroom • A longer school day and year • An emphasis on college and career readiness • An enriched curriculum including character education, integrated arts and technology • A commitment to family involvement • An appreciation of diversity • Comprehensive programs for students with special needs or English language learning needs Applications are available in our main office. Bring Birth Certificate & two proofs of address.

Application Deadline: February 5, 2016 Location: Seven Hills Charter Public School, 51 Gage Street Worcester MA EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES FOR CERTIFIED TEACHERS

The Seven Hills Charter School is a tuition - free public school serving Worcester's children. With no admission test, the school serves a student body that is representative of Worcester's diversity. Seven Hills Charter Public School does not discriminate based on gender, race, religion, gender identity, cultural heritage, linguistic background, political beliefs, physical or mental ability, sexual orientation, marital status, or national origin. In the event that there are more applicants than seats, a lottery will be used to select students.

Financial Planning A necessary element of a future plan for an individual with a disability is the capacity to supplement available government benefits with private funds. Depending solely on government funds is a highly risky proposition given the gaps and unpredictability of government funding. More importantly, private funds set aside through insurance, annuities, investments, and other resources provide empowerment and a quality of life not typically available to one totally dependent on government benefits. A future plan without a realistic strategy for funding future services through private funds is really not a plan at all. Instead, it’s simply a wish list with no real hope of becoming a reality. All families who are engaged in the planning process must integrate the person-centered planning process and their trust and estate planning with a sound financial plan.

Through proper planning, the future for their family member with a disability can be viewed with greater confidence, hope, and security.

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Picks for Kids, Cooks, Explorers and Fashionistas

BY HEAHER KEMPSKIE AND MELISSA SHAW

Over the past two years, subscription boxes have exploded in number and popularity, compassing nearly every interest and need. From hobbies and health to education and eating, there is something for everyone. The premise is simple: Sign up monthly or in longer increments (6 or 12 months is most common) and get a different box brimming with uniquely themed products shipped to your doorstep each month. Here are eight fun picks for families.

Delivery: Order whenever you want, but with VIP membership you’ll receive a new outfit the first of every month Cost: Outfits start at $29.95, free shipping on purchases $49+ fabkids.com

Little Passports Children can explore the U.S. or the world each month without ever leaving home. Split into three age groups: Early Explorers (ages 3-5), World Edition (ages 6-10), and USA Edition (7-12), Little Passport boxes feature activity sheets, souvenirs, photos, stickers and more to give children a first-hand look at a locale without a car, airplane ride, or passport.

Delivery: 1, 6, or 12 months Cost: Starting at $11.95/month, plus shipping littlepassports.com

Kitchen Table Passport Families can travel the world and embark on culinary adventures right from their kitchen table. Each box comes with an easy-to-follow recipe, full instructions, and a spice packet. Larger boxes also feature genuine mementos from that month’s country and Discovery Cards featuring fun facts, photos, and conversation starters. To set the mood, you’ll even get access to a local music playlist customized to the country.

To make the ultimate smoothie, you need a lot of ingredients. Green Blender has taken away that hassle so the only thing left to do is sit back and sip your way into better nutrition! Some of the delicious concoctions include Orange Pineapple Power, Honey Lavender Lift, and Tomato Mango Cilantro. Subscribe to their cool recipe feature and you’ll get a discount.

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Spoil a mom-to-be during her pregnancy with care packages filled with pregnancy-safe products geared for her current trimester. Boxes include up to 10 sample or full-size products ranging from healthy snacks and skincare products to stretch mark cream, baby products and safe cleaning supplies.

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Bark Box Spoil your pooch every month. The people behind this product paw-pick fun toys, healthy treats, and innovative gadgets that they say will “drive pups bonkers!” Select your dog’s size (Small & Cute, Just Right, Big & Bold) and the length of your subscription. Plans automatically renew, but you can cancel anytime.

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Mama Boxes

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A regular trip to the LEGO Store for your favorite fan could get very pricey, very quickly, but scheduled delivery of a Brick Loot boxe every month will satisfy your builder and your budget.

Brick Loot subscribers receive a LEGO-fan-picked box filled with bricks and related items. There is a custom-build project in every box (bricks and instructions); other goodies might include an exclusive figure, Brick-themed T-shirts, and other items you can’t find in a store.

If you could put a world-class chef in a box, it would be labeled Blue Apron. We tested out the two-person meal plan and received fresh ingredients and all the instructions needed to prepare Stir-Fried Ginger-Basil Chicken, Seared Salmon & Panzanella, and Spicy Meatballs with Zucchini. There is no commitment or fees, and you can cancel or postpone a shipment anytime. Be sure to try out their new Family Plan, designed to appeal to both parents’ and kids’ palates.

Delivery: 1, 3, or 6 months Cost: Starting at $23/month, plus shipping brickloot.com

Delivery: Weekly (two-person plan includes three meals, Family Plan includes 4) Cost: Family Plan box is $69.92/week ($8.74 per meal); Two-Person Plan is $59.94/week ($9.99/meal) blueapron.com

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Read Proud, Listen Proud:

New Program Highlights Youth LGBT Books

By Alexandra Townsend

C

hildren learn about themselves and the world through stories.

Movies, TV shows, and books can answer the questions that kids may not even know how to ask yet, such as “What does it feel like to fall in love?” “How can I face a bully?” or even “Am I normal?” Unfortunately, this also means stories can cause unintended pain via the questions they don’t answer. When a young transgender girl wants reassurance that she has a place in the world, there are very few stories she can turn to. Recently, Penguin Random House publishers established a program to help change that via its Read Proud, Listen Proud program.

The objective: promote books with LGBT characters and themes.

“Encouraging diversity within the children’s book industry has been a hot topic over the last year, with calls from many readers, authors, bloggers, parents, teachers, librarians, and publishers to offer more books by diverse authors about diverse experiences,” said Cheryl Herman, marketing director of Penguin Random House imprints Books on Tape and Listening Library.

“And by ‘diverse’ we mean representing a broader range of characters — LGBTQ, people of color, people with disabilities — and of stories that address income, gender roles, and ethnic, cultural, and religious minorities. We were inspired to create the Read Proud, Listen Proud site (readproudlistenproud. com) by all the great work the We Need Diverse Books movement has been doing to bring attention to this issue.”

We Need Diverse Books (weneeddiversebooks.org), which describes itself as “a grassroots organization

56 OCTOBER2015

of children’s book lovers,” began in April 2014 as a general campaign to promote more diverse titles for child and teen readers. Since then, the conversation about the need for stories that aren’t only about straight, white, cisgender, and able-bodied characters has become increasingly visible.

gram includes stories that feature different kinds of diversity. “[We] launched a companion campaign called Hear Diversity (heardiversity.com) this summer,” Herman noted. “It is important for young people to encounter people just like them — and people nothing like them — in the stories they consume.

“It is important for young people to encounter people just like them — and people nothing like them — in the stories they consume.”

– Cheryl Herman, Penguin Random House Read Proud, Listen Proud’s Website is divided into two areas. Read Proud features a variety of middle school and high school level fiction and nonfiction titles for readers seeking diverse books. Listen Proud suggests audio books for ages 12 and under, and 12 and up. Both sections also offer a selection of author interviews and discussion guides.

“Primarily it’s an interactive online resource, featuring LGBTQ books and audiobooks,” Herman said.

“Whether a book or audio is centered on LGBTQ-related issues or features a character who is a positive LGBTQ role model, that story helps to teach young readers and listeners how to be tolerant and loving toward others. That’s the underlying spirit of the RPLP program, to encourage understanding and inspiration through storytelling — celebrating everyone for who they are.”

Although Read Proud, Listen Proud focuses on books and audiobooks with LGBT themes, another new pro-

Hear Diversity is also an interactive online resource with exclusive videos, clips, and suggested lists organized by diversity categories.”

Hear Diversity’s site is divided into two age ranges, 7-12 and 12 & up, and suggests titles based on categories including race, religion, ability and disability, gender, income, and LGBTQ. “It is essential that children, especially at the middle school age where they are beginning to really discover aspects of their identity, read and learn about any number of diverse characters so that they can either begin to see themselves on the page or further develop empathy for others who may be different from them,” noted Jennifer Hubert Swan, head librarian of Little Red School House and Elisabeth Irwin High School in New York City. “Including and promoting LGBT titles in a school library collection is an absolute necessity if we want to create informed, empathetic future citizens

of the world.”

Added Thom Barthelmess, library manager of Whatcom County in Washington: “All kids deserve to see themselves in the literature they consume, and we owe them portrayals of nuance, humanity, and affirmation. The world of literature should be as rich as the world it reflects, and Read Proud Listen Proud does an excellent job identifying and celebrating some of that richness. A community’s books paint a picture of that community, and all of us benefit when that picture is whole.

Individually, these fine stories testify to the glory of our unique identities.

But together, with common themes and experiences, they remind us that we are really more alike than different.”

Barthelmess also noted that LGBT literature has evolved in recent years. Previously, any LGBT characters tended to lead very similar and tragic lives. Today, there is much more variety to the stories being told.

“Stuff is being written for kids and teens of all ages, about all kinds of experiences: picture books about gender expression, early chapter books with same-sex parents, middle-grade novels about first love, teen novels about gender transition, nonfiction about the history of the movement, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg,” he said.

However, there is still a long way to go in terms of achieving equality for LGBT books for youth. According to research by Malinda Lo, author and co-founder of We Need Diverse Books, less than 1% of young adult novels have LGBT characters. That’s still an enormous gap to fill for LGBT children and teens who need to see themselves reflected in the stories they read.

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OUT MetroWest: Providing Community,

Mentors for LGBTQ Youth

BY ALEXANDRA TOWNSEND

LGBT children and teens are coming out younger than ever before and remain a segment of today’s youth especially vulnerable to bullying, harassment, and thoughts of suicide. For MetroWest youth, nonprofit organization OUT MetroWest provides community, support, and mentorship.

OUT MetroWest is an LGBT youth group based in Framingham and Wellesley. Today it offers three separate programs and has served more than 500 youth from 50 towns. Founded four years ago, organizers had no idea the group would become so big and such an important part of the community.

SHREWSBURY MONTESSORI SCHOOL

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“The seeds for what would become OUT MetroWest were first planted in fall of 2010,” said Jack Patrick Lewis, executive director. “I was new to the staff at the Unitarian Universalist Society of Wellesley Hills when I received two phone calls from area parents looking for supportive services for their recently out children.”

The parents wanted help finding any organization that could help their children meet other LGBT youth and older mentors who could help them navigate their new identities. No such group existed in the area, a fact that inspired Lewis and the Unitarian Universalist Society to create one.

“In March 2011 we launched WAGLY (West Suburban Alliance of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Youth), a weekly program for high school LGBTQ youth.

Even though we only expected 10 youth at our first meeting, we instead welcomed 32 youth from 14 schools that first evening,” Lewis said. Since then, WAGLY has become just one of the programs offered by OUT MetroWest, which itself is now an independent nonprofit. Other programs include Umbrella, a group for transgender and gender nonconforming youth, and Nexis, a group geared towards middle school students.

Each group is led by adult LGBT advisors, and meetings feature a range of activities, such as discussion groups or guest speakers.

Other meetings are more lighthearted, with events like dance lessons and ice cream socials. They also attend local LGBT Pride events.

“While there is great work going on in the high schools in gaystraight alliances, it can still be very alienating for LGBTQ youth as they explore their own orientation and identity,” Lewis said. “Many youth do not feel comfortable attending programs at their own schools, facilitated by their teachers and attended by their classmates. Many of these youth seek out our programs.”

One of the larger segments of youth drawn to OUT MetroWest are those who are transgender or gender noncomforming, Lewis said.

“Youth who identify as transgender and gender-nonconforming can feel even more alienated by the high school experience. While many youth today know at least one or two out gay or lesbian adults, be that as teachers or family members, there is not the same visibility for transgender-identified adults,” he noted Because of this lack of visibility, OUT MetroWest has put effort into working with adult transgender people to serve as mentors to local youth. The need is clearly great, as nearly half of OUT MetroWest participants are transgender or gender

nonconforming.

The group’s Nexis program for middle schoolers launched this past March and is another offering that had been in-demand and longrequested by local youth, parents, teachers, and therapists. “As with our other programs, Nexus works to meet the youth participants where they are in their lives,” Lewis said.

“Our programs are tailored around requests of the youth themselves and are heavily influenced on statistics that show that LGBTQ youth are more likely to contemplate and attempt suicide, suffer severe depression, and take part in highrisk activities than their straight, non-transgender classmates.”

Members of OUT MetroWest feel the responsibility of their work, Lewis notes. According to MetroWest Boston statistics, at this time roughly 1 in 4 Boston-area LGBT youth attempt suicide. OUT MetroWest’s surveys report that the children and teens they meet with tend to gain a greater sense of self-confidence and connection with their peers than they had before they started attending.

In the future, the organization would like to expand its current projects, including Nexis, and create a new high school program in the Framingham/Marlboro area. One former alum, area resident Jonah Miller, offered praise for the impact the organization has had in his life.

“Through my years at OUT MetroWest, I made countless close friends, I learned a lot about my community and my rights, I had a lot of fun hanging out at barbeques or singing karaoke, and I got a chance to learn how to be a leader to other youth through the Peer Leader position,” he said. “[It was] one of the most important pieces of my high school years.”

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To Schedule School Tour Today

Call 800-262-8530 Finacial Aid Available for Qualified Students

• Plymouth • Westboro • Ipswich

Oct 9 & 10, 2015 6:30-8:30 p.m.

$5 Mass Audubon members $6 Non-members • $8 at the door OUT MetroWest’s programs meet at the following times and locations: WAGLY: Mondays (except holidays), 6:45 p.m.-8:30 p.m., Unitarian Universalist Society of Wellesley Hills, 309 Washington St. Umbrella: First Wednesday and third Thursday of the month, 6:45 p.m.- 8:30 p.m., Unitarian Universalist Society of Wellesley Hills.

Nexus: Second Wednesday of the month, 6:30 p.m.-8 p.m., First Parish Framingham, 24 Vernon St. For more information visit outmetrowest.org.

At sundown, the sanctuary will be transformed into a magical enchanted forest.

Our resident spirits, primarily native wildlife, will delight visitors young and old on this special romp through “Boo” Meadow Brook. During your walk, you will have a chance to learn about some of the most fascinating creatures of the forest.

Arrive anytime between 6:30 – 8:30 p.m. (Last tour leaves at 8:30 p.m.)

Held rain or shine. Festivities held indoors if it is raining.

Call 508-753-6087 for more information and to register!

Broad Meadow Brook Conservation Center and Wildlife Sanctuary 414 Massasoit Road, Worcester, MA 01604 • bmbrook@massaudubon.org

Halloween Night Hike and Hayride

October 24, 2015 • 6-8 pm • Rain date: October 25 $6 members, $8 nonmembers; children $3 members, $4 nonmembers Experience the sounds of night on a guided hike through the fields and woods.

Then enjoy a hayride with friends and family.

Learn about nocturnal wildlife, do a craft and taste some goodies.

Wachusett Meadow Wildlife Sanctuary 113 Goodnow Rd., Princeton, MA 01541 • 978-464-2712

www.massaudubon.org BAYSTATEPARENT 59

NO INTERNET THREAT:

How Libraries Are Thriving In 2015

BY MICHELE BENNETT DECOTEAU

In an age of e-books and i-everythings, are libraries still relevant institutions in our communities?

Here in Massachusetts, libraries have received approximately the same small percentage of total town budget spending since the early 1990s, yet the costs of books, utilities, and staff have increased during that same timeframe.

“We’ve seen some major changes from the Internet, and some of them are very good,” says Ellen Rainville, director of the J.V. Fletcher Library in Westford. “The role of the library is still, at its core, engaging and delighting children so they become

60 OCTOBER2015

delighted and enthusiastic readers, and this leads them to become lifelong learners.”

Children and their reading material are a major focus for many libraries, with children’s books ranking as the highest number of circulating materials.

“If you just took the numbers of materials checked out of our kids’ section alone, it would be the 14th most active library in the state,” says Phil McNulty, director of the Newton Public Library. “Our teen section is the fastest-growing section. Two years ago, we had 73 teen programs at the library and this past

year we had 158.”

Many libraries, in large and small communities, struggle with space.

Programs and materials require space and many libraries were constructed and reconstructed at a time when the Internet was still years away and few had computers in their homes. Today, public libraries are often the only place with free computer and Internet access in towns.

In response to the growing interest in technology, many libraries are offering courses. “Our patrons want to remain current and relevant in the use of technology,” McNulty says.

“These classes are popular with

all ages.” Some instruction centers around learning to use e-readers, but many libraries are offering more indepth classes. “We also have eToddler programs where we intermix technology with the more traditional hold-a-book-up-and-read-a-story,” he notes.

Space constraints and growing demands for technology access have spurred a number of libraries to strategically plan how to get the most out of their resources and reach out to the community, a decision that is helping libraries reimagine themselves in the new century.

“A few years ago we had a plan-

ning process with the community around our branches and that led to the redistribution of our staff,” says John Ramsay, assistant director of the Springfield Libraries. “This was a year-long process where we get in tune with what different neighborhoods surrounding our different branches need. We want to know what the aspirations of the people are and how we can play a role in those people’s lives. We learned that safety and health were concerns in some of our most challenged neighborhoods.”

In response to this, the Springfield Libraries reorganized the staff into outreach and program departments.

In addition, they offer health screenings from local health care organizations, cooking demonstrations, and a farmer’s market in the summer.

One branch even hosts a community garden space on the grounds. Safety issues are being addressed with Community Police meetings at the libraries and Urban Youth Training on crime prevention.

Meeting the needs of job seekers is also becoming more common in libraries. Many offer networking services, as well as job-seeking skills such as resume writing and interviewing techniques.

“We have a Work Force Development Team,” Ramsay says. “We provide job-oriented programs and have a job fair coming up this fall

with a large number of employers.

Last year’s job fair was very well attended.”

Other smaller libraries are undertaking the same sort of community outreach approach. Central Massachusetts’s Sutton Public Library, one of a handful of recipients of state funds to create plans for library expansion, has embraced doing more in the same space. The library is open for more days with the same staff to accommodate busy schedules. It has a very active teen program with a teen advisory board that plans programs, helps choose materials, and helps plan and attend field trips. In addition to books, the library also has a Seed Lending Library where patrons can check out seeds, plant them, and harvest seeds to return to the seed bank.

“Literacy is an important need in our community and we offer many programs to meet that need from early literacy; we had over 2,000 people coming to our end of summer reading celebration,” says Ramsay, “to helping ESL learners improve writing and reading skills for jobs, and even programs with local authors. This gives authors, especially those who are self-published or only have e-books, a way to get the word out about their books.”

Meeting space is a critical need in most communities and libraries often fulfill that need offering rooms

for various community groups, from sport-related organizations, to civic groups, to Scout troops. Others offer gallery space, like the Newton Free Library, Lakeville Public Library, and the Forbes Library in Northampton. “We have a citizen committee who chooses the art for the gallery space,” McNulty says.

“We also have Sunday concert programs.”

“We had over 500 meetings take place last year,” Springfield’s Ramsay adds. “And when we did a community survey at a new branch location, community meeting space was one of the most important requests.”

One trend in library use is MakerSpaces or hackspaces, places where people gather to learn and create together. The library can be a place for making and the vehicle for sharing created works by patrons. Some libraries in the Commonwealth, such as Peabody Institute Library’s Creativity Lab, have begun to explore the MakerSpace idea. “We see MakerSpaces as a trend in libraries. We’ve really embraced STEAM – Science, Technology, Engineering, Art and Mathematics,” McNulty says. “We have a 3-D printer and want to create art in a compelling and meaningful way.”

“We are on the verge of needing more space to create a MakerSpace

in our library,” Westford’s Rainville adds. “This can be a noisy process and we are already a noisy library!”

E-books Level Off Libraries and publishers report seeing a leveling off of e-book purchasing. “E-book penetration has leveled off. We are seeing soaring numbers of e-books checked out of the library system,” says McNulty, “but these are still very small numbers compared with paper books. They are also expensive for libraries to use.

Paper books with the discounts available end up being about 63 cents per read during the first year of purchase. E-book publishers don’t offer libraries discounts and often charge three times as much. In the end, over the first year of acquisition, it is between $2 and $2.50 per read for e-books.”

“The largest portion of our circulation is still children’s books, followed by young adult and adult books, children’s magazines, adult magazines, video materials, CD and audio materials, and then downloadable books,” Rainville notes. “They are small portion of overall circulation.”

“In the 21st century, we are still seeing a need for a library,” she adds.

“The library is a haven and its role in the community is a place for life-long learning. That has not changed.”

CMDA has been a blessing for my daughter “My 4-year-old daughter has mild cerebral palsy, which affects her right side. Her right arm often gets tight and her right ankle often rolls over, so keeping her stretched and strong is a priority. Since she's a music lover, my husband, physical therapist and I thought that dance would be a great answer. She could have fun and get "physical therapy" at the same time. She was 2 at the time. I called every dance studio in the area. Everyone heard "cerebral palsy" and "not potty trained" and told me that they didn't accept children in diapers or that the class wasn't a good fit for her.

Then, I called CMDA. Right from the beginning, Kellie Shea took "diapers" and "cerebral palsy" right in stride. She welcomed my daughter into the school. On her first day, my daughter was nervous.

The teachers were incredibly patient with her and made her feel comfortable. She also receives full inclusion into the classroom. She's never made to feel bad if she dances slightly differently. Instead, she complimented on her effort and being the beautiful person that she is. In short, she receives full inclusion.

Now, she can't wait to go see Miss Jenn every Saturday. Even better, she is physically accomplishing things (like lifting both arms over her head) that her physical therapist wasn't sure that she would achieve. Dance at CMDA has taught my daughter the importance of physical activity and discipline in a caring manner while increasing her strength, balance and flexibility, as well as doing wonders for her self-confidence. CMDA and the teachers there have been a blessing for my daughter.”

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I still have the handouts on my refrigerator.”

Timeouts aren’t just for toddlers. In Elizabeth Cohen’s house, it’s a parenting tool that works better on grownups.

“I’m a big fan of the mommy time-out,” said Cohen, the executive director of Families First

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one of the hardest jobs on earth – parenting – even harder.

Cohen heads up an organization that focuses on serving families in need, specifically, parents who lack access to adequate parenting resources. Families First offers “parent educator”-led workshops and social support to those who have the deck stacked against them. Last year, the group served more than 1,700 parents and 3,400 children in the Greater Boston area, many who face poverty, homelessness, or violence.

“There’s no instruction book, all parenting is really hard, but some situations — and lack of resources — make it a lot harder,” she explained.

“Our approach is building selfesteem in parents – building on their strengths and empowering them with an understanding of how children develop.”

Parents need self-esteem That core theme of self-esteem, which is at the heart of all of Families First workshops, can be life-changing for unassured parents, and ultimately, their children.

Take Celeste Tavarez, who was 19 when her mother became ill; she dropped out of college to care for her 9 and 11-year-old brothers.

Homeless, they landed in an emergency shelter.

Later, Tavarez had her own son, Chris, a colicky baby who cried

incessantly. A young mom living in a shelter, without her own mother to turn to, Tavarez felt alone. She thought Chris’s colic meant he didn’t like her.

Project Hope, a full-service shelter and Families First partner, linked Tavarez with a parent educator who taught her tricks that helped calm Chris down. Far more than a just a tip for calming her son, Tavarez said what she learned about herself through the Families First program was more important: how much her own self-esteem mattered to good parenting.

“I had to love myself to love those I was bringing up,” she said.

In workshops and parenting circles held at various sites, such as schools, hospitals, and transitional housing centers in the Greater Boston area, Families First allows parents such as Tavarez to come together and share stories, strategies, and experiences. They might discuss anything from understanding a child’s temperament to effective communication tools to positive discipline methods.

“Families First is my Bible,” Tavarez said. “I still have the handouts on my refrigerator. When I’m secondguessing a decision, I go back to workshops.”

The idea: Just as you would learn new skills for the workplace, why not educate yourself to be better at home, too?

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“Confident kids come from parents who feel competent in their parenting.”

Think about the mark of a successful, adjusted child. Is it cognitive skills like reading and calculating — the kind of intelligence measured by grades and IQ tests? Is it determined by opportunities or living situations?

Or is future success rooted more in character traits? Or is it persistence, self-confidence, and grit that make a productive kid?

In his 2012 book, How Children Succeed, New York Times journalist Paul Tough asserts that the non-cognitive skills — confidence, control, curiosity — are far more important to a child’s achievement than their brainpower. Success is developed at home, not in a classroom, he said, and the foundation is laid by parenting.

Families First provides a continuum of support for parents throughout their child’s development, from birth through adolescence, and makes ongoing services available as the child grows. The approach is multigenerational, providing parents with the tools to build on their strengths to encourage each child’s healthy development, while also building positive support systems for themselves.

“When a child has that secure relationship with a parent, they do better

in school and in life. And happy, confident kids come from parents who feel competent in their parenting,” said Cohen. “We give parents an understanding of child development and tools for fostering strong, positive relationships, which we know are the basis for kids’ future success.”

While parenting trends change, some things remain constant, she said, such as relationships being the basis of the family and healthy development. The organization’s work centers on guiding parents to promote healthy relationships with the children.

Recently, Families First was selected as an investee for Social Venture Partners (SVP) of Boston, which will provide Families First with $100,000 in unrestricted funds and access to a pool of skilled business professionals to help the organization grow and reach more families. Marjorie Ringrose, SVP executive director, said part of the reason for the selection is that everyone can relate to the difficulty of parenting.

“All of us are parents – some to little kids, some to teens, some have grandkids,” she said of SVP investors.

“It’s the hardest job in the world, and parenting is critical to kids’ success.”

More information about Families First parenting programs can be found online at families-first.org, info@families-first.org or (617) 868-7687.

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From Infancy On:

• Creative Play: allows children to explore, try new ideas, and use their imagination. They can use many different items, altering something and making something new.

The Many Perks of

PLAY

BY JANINE HALLORAN

• Humans are biologically wired to play. Play serves as a way for people to practice skills they will need in the future.

• Play allows children to practice decisionmaking skills, learn to work in groups, share, resolve conflicts, and advocate for themselves.

It also allows them to discover what they enjoy at their own pace.

• Play “is critical for becoming socially adept, coping with stress, and building cognitive skills such as problem solving,” according to research in Scientific American magazine.

• Play is so important that it’s even part of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child. Article 31 states that children have the right “to engage in play and recreational activities.”

Development of Social Play As children develop and grow, so does their way of playing. Children typically move through six stages of social play.

1. Unoccupied play Did you know play starts at birth?

Infants engage in random movements with seemingly no clear purpose, but this is actually the beginning of play.

2. Solitary play This is when children start to play on their own. Solitary play begins in infancy and is common in toddlers.

However, all age groups can (and should) have some time for independent play. When engaged in solitary play, children do not seem to notice other children sitting or playing nearby.

3. Onlooker play The next stage of play is when children watch others play. Onlooker play happens most frequently during the toddler years, but can happen at 66 OCTOBER2015

• Communication Play: play using words and gestures, e.g., charades, telling jokes, play acting, etc.

Play is vitally important for children. More and more research confirms its importance and why it should be an integral part of a child’s life.

Consider the benefits:

any age. The onlooker may ask questions of other children, but there is no effort to join in. This may happen when a child is shy, unsure of the rules, or is hesitant to join the game.

4. Parallel play Parallel play starts when children begin to play side-by-side with other children without any interaction.

Parallel play is usually found with toddlers, although it happens in any age group. Even though it seems as if they are not interacting, the children are paying attention to each other. This is the beginning of a desire to be with other children their own age and lays the groundwork for the later stages of play.

5. Associative play At around 3 to 4 years of age, they become more interested in other children than toys. They begin asking questions, talking about the toys and what they are making. This is the beginning of really understanding how to get along with others.

During associative play, children within the group have similar goals (for example: building a creation out of blocks). However, they do not set

• Dramatic Play: play where children figure out roles to perform, assign them, and then act them out.

• Locomotor Play: movement for movement’s sake, just because it’s fun. This includes chase, tag, hide and seek, and tree climbing. rules and there is no formal organization.

6. Social play Children will really begin to socialize starting around 3 or 4. They begin to share ideas and toys, and follow established rules and guidelines.

They figure out who will play what role. They can work together to build something or maybe play a simple game together. This is really where a child learns and practices social skills like cooperating, being flexible, taking turns, and solving problems.

Types of Play There are so many ways to play.

When you think “play,” you may believe there are only one or two different ways that a child interacts with toys. In reality, play is actually quite varied and can fall into many different category types. There are 16 recognized (yes, 16!) different types of play. These categories often overlap, but here are the myriad ways children play.

• Symbolic Play: using objects, actions, or ideas to represent other objects, actions, or ideas, e.g., using a cardboard tube like a telescope.

• Rough and Tumble Play: closeencounter play, which is less to do with fighting and more to do with gauging relative strength. It’s discovering physical flexibility and the exhilaration of display, and is generally friendly and positive. This type of play can burn up a lot of energy.

• Socio-Dramatic Play: when children act out experiences — playing house, going to a restaurant, or pretending to grocery shop.

• Social Play: any social or interactive situation in which the expectation is that everyone will follow set rules, such as during a game or making a craft together.

• Deep Play: play that allows the child to encounter risky experiences and conquer fears such as heights, snakes, and creepy crawlies.

Children can find strength they never knew they had to climb obstacles, lift large objects, etc.

• Exploratory Play: using senses of smell, touch, and even taste to explore and discover the texture and function of things around them.

An example of this would be a baby mouthing an object.

• Fantasy Play: this is the makebelieve world of children. This type of play is where the child’s imagination gets to run wild and they get to play out activities that are that are unlikely to occur in their everyday life, like being a pilot or driving a car.

• Imaginative Play: where the conventional rules that govern the physical world do not apply, like imagining you are a bee or pretending you have wings.

• Mastery Play: control of the physical and affective ingredients of the environments, like digging holes or constructing shelters.

• Object Play: play that uses sequences of hand-eye manipulations and movements, like using a paintbrush.

• Role Play: exploring ways of being, although not normally of an intense personal, social, domestic, or interpersonal nature. For example, brushing with a broom, dialing with a telephone, driving a car.

• Recapitulative Play: allows the child to explore ancestry, history, rituals, stories, rhymes, fire, and darkness.

There are so many ways to play and one playtime can actually encompass multiple types of play. Playing pirates can include rough and tumble play, symbolic play, dramatic play, communication play, social

play, fantasy play, and imaginative play!

Recent Troubling Trends The emphasis on academics, structured classes, and activities has limited the amount of time that children are able to spend simply playing and exploring. What has been overlooked in all of the focus on academics and lessons is the fact that play is the best way for children to learn.

A 2014 National Public Radio report states that play helps children’s brains develop and make more connections. Children in playbased kindergartens have an advantage over those who are denied play: they end up equally good or better at reading and other intellectual skills, and they are more likely to become well-adjusted healthy people, according to a 2009 report from the Alliance for Childhood, “Crisis In the Kindergarten: Why Children Need Play In School.”

What You Don’t Need Not listed in the types of play outlined earlier are fancy gadgets and toys with all the bells and whistles.

Play doesn’t require 15 materials, lots of money, or things. Children can easily use items already in a home. Have you ever noticed that kids love to play with the boxes that toys come in more than the toys themselves? Let them do that!

A lot of fun can be had with items as simple as a cardboard box and markers.

What Parents Can Do Here are two simple action steps parents can take to encourage play at home: 1. Set aside one weekday to be free

of scheduled, structured activities or lessons. Allow children to play with different materials around the house. You could use items from the recycling bin, crayons and paper, or a bunch of blocks. See where their imagination takes them and watch what they do. Try to use open-ended toys (those that don’t have only one set way of being used), such as blocks, stuffed animals, or play dough. This will encourage children to be more creative and try different ways of playing. You can even set out two or three different types of open-ended toys, like blocks, figures and cars. They may create a whole world!

2. Establish a family game night.

Introduce your children to some of your favorite games from your childhood. Board games and card games are great ways to practice taking turns, losing and winning graciously, and flexibility. Plus, they can play some of these new games they learned with their friends when they visit. It’s great to spend time playing together as a family.

And play is great for parents, too.

Being an adult doesn’t mean you have to stop playing. There’s some great work being done about integrating play into the workplace and how that can improve outcomes.

Play should be a part of everyday life, for you and your children.

Play is so important that it’s even part of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.

Article 31 states that children have the right “to engage in play and recreational activities.”

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An Organized Child (It’s Not An Oxymoron) Here Are Tips To Make It Happen

BY KATHY SLOAN

T

he new school year is in full swing, which means loaded backpacks and kids frazzled by homework, responsibilities at home, sports, and activities. Helping your child get organized so they don’t forget to bring homework to school or cleats to the football game will not only keep your stress level down but also help your child feel more in control of his own life.

“Looking neat is a surface presentation; feeling organized and under control goes much deeper,” says Lisa Bates of Sandwich, mother of three teens and author of Barbie’s in the Horse Bin – Living Better with Organized Children. “Feeling organized is a way of living that I believe allows you to live life to its fullest.”

Bates’ book covers everything from what it means to be organized to tips and tricks that will help families get — and stay — that way.

It’s easy to forget, or not realize, that children are not born organized.

“Organizing is a skill like many others that needs to be taught,” Bates says, adding that organization is about creating routines and systems

68 OCTOBER2015

that are easy to follow. “When systems are developed that morph into daily routines and habits, you are once again tapping into that powerful feeling of control that being organized enables.”

Messy vs. Neat Thinking organizationally doesn’t come naturally to everyone. People have different temperaments and personalities that all play a part in how someone views the world. One person may be laid back and can tolerate existing in a messy environment, while someone else may be more of a perfectionist and need to have order at all times. This can be tricky for parents if they have one child who is neat and another who is messy, and the two children share a room. “I think the important piece here is to teach them to negotiate their differences,” Bates says. “The ‘neat’ one will have to learn to tolerate a level of ‘messiness’ from other people. The ‘messy’ one will have to learn that her actions have an impact on other people.”

She adds that being neat or messy isn’t the issue, but rather whether

a space works for you. The key is being able to easily access the things you need.

Teaching Organization It’s true that some kids are born with a natural tendency towards organizing, however that doesn’t mean you can’t teach a messy child how to be more organized. This is why Bates says parents shouldn’t expect any child to have the necessary skills to get organized by a certain age. Instead, she advises that they take into account their child’s strengths and weaknesses and help when needed.

Teaching your child about organization will take patience since these skills need to be developed over time. “Helping them understand that work/organization are ongoing in life from an early age will help them to be self-disciplined in the future,” Bates says.

She adds that opportunities to teach these skills occur daily as a child plays and accomplishes tasks and chores. Simple activities like having your toddler help sort socks or organize books help them learn

the skills needed to master organization. Asking your tween or teen to help plan a birthday party is also a way to put the skills into practice.

15 Skills for Organization Because the concept of organization is so broad, Bates breaks it down into 15 skills that make up what it takes to achieve organization. Some skills overlap, but they all have their own value (this list is not in any particular order).

1. Categorizing – What items are alike?

2. Chronological thinking – What happens next?

3. Containing – How should you store or contain items?

4. Creating – Using imagination to envision what the room or project looks like 5. Estimating – How long will something take? How will it fit in a container?

6. Evaluating – What is the problem?

7. Memorizing – Being able to recall information (Where do we keep items?)

8. Order – Can order be restored easily when things get messy?

9. Planning – What will the project look like?

10. Reusing – Can you give this item, or space, a new purpose?

11. Referencing – Being able to find information to solve a problem 12. Revising – Can this system be more efficient?

13. Sequencing – What should we do first?

14. Sorting – Categorizing items 15. Timing – How long will things take?

Applying these skills in everyday life is essential to helping anyone become more organized.

Getting Organized Whether it’s helping your child organize a room or create a homework routine, Bates offers these simple steps: 1. Step back Look at things with a fresh perspective by asking a friend or family member to help you see the space in a new way. Sit with your child in the space that you want to help them organize and ask them what they want to use the space for and how they envision it.

2. Have a plan Know what you’re going to do before you begin. It’s important that you help your child visualize the space (or folder system), then create a plan for getting organized, i.e., what needs to happen first?

3. S.T.O.F Decide what your child will Save, what will go in the Trash, what needs to be Organized, and lastly, stay Focused. If you start organizing a closet, don’t suddenly start trying to organize the bureau in the process. Stay focused on one project at a time.

4. Maintenance It may feel like the work you do to organize a room is the hard part, but actually maintenance is the hard part. Also, it doesn’t matter how obvious the plan is to you, no one can read your mind. Make sure everyone in the house is aware of the new system and set your expectations for keeping the space organized. Label things for babysitters, grandparents, or your kids’ friends so that they know where things go.

“Organization takes maintenance and it is an ongoing effort,” Bates notes. “It’s never going to be a oneand-done activity. Spending time organizing is like any other daily, or weekly, activity.”

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SAFE, SECURE & SOLO:

Tips For Successful Children Home Alone

BY MELISSA SHAW

W

ith the majority of U.S. children living in households in which both parents work, being home alone after school is a reality for thousands of Massachusetts youth and millions across the country. Yet, with some common sense, training, and family discussions, experts say kids can be safe and secure.

“It really is the first big step for kids,” says Juanita Allen Kingsley, who has traveled across central and eastern Massachusetts for the past 10 years teaching home alone safety classes to children ages 9-11 via Natick-based Century Health Systems. “I love the enthusiasm kids have, wanting to show their parents that they can do a good job with it.”

While more than a dozen states offer guidelines recommending the age at which a minor can be left home alone (ranging from 6 to 12), Massachusetts does not specify a minimum age.

In a recent class, 10 tweens sat around a conference room table in Holliston, legs swinging, still short of touching the floor, as they listened to Kingsley talk safety. She covers the basics parents would expect, from how to answer the phone and where to safely keep a house key, to the unexpected, such as how to selfadminister the Heimlich or handle an overflowing toilet.

“If you’re old enough to be home alone, you’re old enough to try and clean up,” she smiles, emphasizing that kids should know how to use a plunger and where the water shutoff value can be found.

For Kingsley, it’s a balancing act

of educating children without scaring them: “I think of this as building common sense and empowering children through skill building.”

While many of the traditional afterschool safety lessons remain the same, the 21st century has presented several new challenges for children home alone.

One area that may be easily overlooked: “Parents need to lock up prescription medication,” she says.

“You cannot have young adolescents in the house alone when you’ve got Tylenol with Codeine or Percosets out there unlocked. I would say if we went into anybody’s home right now, people have medications, whether it’s a younger child’s Adderall or a parent’s antidepressants, probably in the medicine cabinet, on somebody’s dresser, or kitchen cabinet near water glasses.”

KidsHealth.org reports that 24% of teens surveyed said they have tried prescription drugs without a doctor’s prescription. “Kids are so savvy about prescription drug abuse and what they’re looking for,” Kingsley adds.

Social media is another potential pitfall. “If they are home alone, they are going to be using their phones or their tablets,” she says. “I think

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the idea of emphasizing kind and prudent social media use is important, whether kids are home alone or not. They might be a little bit more uninhibited if there’s nobody in the house.”

Yet there is at least one unexpected benefit of screen time: “The default setting, at least for boys, when they’re home alone is they want to play video games, so there’s less of an urging for kids to try to get their parents to let them have a friend over,” she adds.

If parents decide their child can invite a friend over while home alone, Kingsley advises adults to take a moment to assess the guest ahead of time.

“You have to make sure you’re comfortable with the child, comfortable with their parenting, as much as you know, and you’ve gone through an extra layer of creating a safe environment,” she advises.

Tough, But Necessary, Conversations Are Needed While leaving a child home alone generates discussions regarding the house and its contents, the subject also raises questions in areas that

parents tend to avoid altogether.

One particular scenario: what to do if a stranger tries to enter the home. Jarrett Arthur, a Los Angelesbased self-defense and safety expert who specializes in teaching parents and children, encourages families to develop escape routes from each room, also useful in case of a fire: “It’s easy to say, ‘Just go out the front door’ in an emergency, but what if that’s where somebody is trying to come in? The kids need to be able to have a game plan from each room of the house.”

She encourages families to post these routes somewhere visible, like a refrigerator, and practice actual dry runs twice a year — at the start of winter and summer vacations.

“Physically run through the escape routes with kids — you can make it fun,” she advises. “Set up a stop watch and see who can get out of the house fastest from different rooms. Being able to walk through with your kids in a non-stressful environment is really incredibly important. Leaving minors home alone dictates that you equip them with skills that they might not have to make those decisions in the moment.”

Extreme safety concerns extend

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beyond traditional stranger-danger discussion, a fact that may cause parents to avoid those subjects all together.

“Personal safety tends to be something that is not talked about consistently. The feedback that I get from parents all the time is that they don’t want their kids thinking that the world is a big, scary place,” Arthur says. “We don’t want our kids thinking that, but there’s certainly a way to work personal safety and self defense into those general life skills that you’re teaching them.”

A case in point: seat belts. “They get in the car, they put their seatbelt on, but you don’t see any kids that are terrified of getting in the car because they don’t want to be in a car wreck,” she notes. “We are teaching our kids safety all the time.”

However, when conversation shifts to the rare chance of a home invasion or abduction attempt, “all of a sudden the conversation comes to a screeching halt,” Arthur says. “And that in and of itself is what makes these topics even scarier. It’s the things we don’t talk about that are shrouded in mystery. Kids understand really quickly, if we’re not talking about it, it has to be an off-limits, scary, not-talked-about topic.”

Discussing those issues won’t necessarily scare children, but instead will give them powerful tools, she asserts.

“Crime is still out there and it’s not going anywhere,” Arthur says. “And while the likelihood is that your child is never going to have to use any of this, it’s important to think of personal safety and self defense as one of those life skills that better prepares a child for life in general.

It gives them more confidence; it makes them less likely to be targeted as a victim of a crime. They gain self-advocacy skills, learning how to stand up for themselves, and be more self-aware: all really positive things they still benefit from even if they never have to use any of these skills in a confrontation or in a threat.”

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Home Solo: Things To Know • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Basic first aid How to safely carry and secure a house key How and when to answer the door and phone What (and what not) to eat when home alone Which kitchen appliances (if any) can be used How to conduct the Heimlich on yourself Poison control number What to do in case of fire Securing windows and doors Location of the water shutoff valve Location of first aid kit Location of flashlights Location of key contact and emergency numbers How to use a plunger Escape routes

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Pan

• PG for fantasy action violence, language and some thematic material • In theaters Oct. 9 • OK for kids 9+ • Reel Preview: 4 of 5 Reels

Coming to theatres this month

By Jane Louise Boursaw

Those classic childhood characters created

by J.M. Barrie get a fresh take in this movie directed by Joe Wright. Pan follows the story of an orphan boy who is spirited away to the magical world of Neverland, where he finds both fun and danger, and ultimately discovers his destiny — to become the hero known as Peter Pan. The movie also stars Hugh Jackman as Blackbeard.

Goosebumps • PG for scary and intense creature action and images, and for some rude humor • In theaters Oct. 16 • OK for kids 10+ • Reel Preview: 4 of 5 Reels Based on the popular book series by R.L. Stine, this movie centers on teenager Zach Cooper, who’s upset about moving from the big city to a small town, but finds a silver lining when he meets the beautiful Hannah living next door. He learns that Hannah’s mysterious dad is R. L. Stine (Jack Black), author of the bestselling Goosebumps series and those monsters from his books are indeed real. Stine protects his readers by keeping them locked up in their books, but when Zach unintentionally unleashes the monsters from their manuscripts, they begin to terrorize the town. It’s up to Stine, Zach, and Hannah to get them all back into the books where they belong.

The Martian • • • •

Not yet rated; likely PG-13 In theaters Oct. 2 OK for kids 14+ Reel Preview: 4.5 of 5 Reels

Suffragette

During a manned mission to Mars, Astronaut Mark Watney (Matt Damon) is presumed dead after a fierce storm and left behind by his crew. But Watney survives and finds himself stranded and alone on the hostile planet. With only meager supplies, he draws on his ingenuity, wit and spirit to subsist and find a way to signal to Earth that he’s indeed alive. Millions of miles away, NASA and a team of international scientists work tirelessly to bring “the Martian” home, while his crewmates concurrently plot a daring, if not impossible, rescue mission.

Based on the book by Andy Weir, this movie also stars Jessica Chastain, Kristen Wiig, and Kate Mara.

• PG-13 for some intense violence, thematic elements, brief strong language and partial nudity • In theaters Oct. 23 • OK for kids 13+ • Reel Preview: 5 of 5 Reels This powerful drama centers on the women who were willing to lose everything in their fight for equality in early 20th century Britain. Carey Mulligan plays Maud, a working wife and mother whose life is forever changed when she’s secretly recruited to join the U.K.’s growing suffragette movement. Galvanized by the outlaw fugitive Emmeline Pankhurst (Meryl Streep), Maud becomes an activist for the cause alongside women from all walks of life. Inspired by true events, this movie explores the passion and heartbreak of those who risked all they had for women’s right to vote — their jobs, homes, children, and even their lives.

Jem and The Holograms • PG for thematic material, including reckless behavior, brief suggestive content and some language • In theaters Oct. 23 • OK for kids 10+ • Reel Preview: 3.5 of 5 Reels Based on the 1980s TV series, this movie follows a smalltown girl who catapults from underground video sensation to global superstar. Jem and her three sisters take the world by storm when they learn that the key to creating your own destiny lies in finding your own voice.

Jane’s Reel Rating System • One Reel – Even The Force can’t save it.

• Two Reels – Coulda been a contender.

• Three Reels – Something to talk about.

• Four Reels – You want the truth? Great flick!

• Five Reels – Wow! The stuff dreams are

made of.

Head to baystateparent.com/September Flicks for a full list of movies heading to theatres and DVDs this month.

BAYSTATEPARENT 73

our october favorites monday

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Want to take better foliage photos? Go out on an overcast day. As nature photographer Rod Planck told Nikon, autumn colors are saturated colors, which contrast nicely with a gray day. Plus, lighting on a cloudy day is soft and even.

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25 26 {Fact} 25 The world record for most pumpkins carved in an hour was set last year when carver Trevor Hunt gave 109 pumpkins a mouth, nose, and eyes in just 60 minutes.

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INDEX Applewild School........................ 37 B.A.W. Inc................................. 13 Bancroft School......................... 79 Bay State Skating School........... 70 Big Y Foods, Inc..........................4 Boston Children’s Museum...........3 CCS Dance Academy.................. 28 Central MA Dance Academy....... 61 Central Mass Children’s Book Festival..................................... 28 Children’s Development Network, Inc...............................6 Citi Performing Arts Center....32,72 Commonwealth Ballet................27 Cornerstone Academy..................9 Davis Farmland......................2,22 DCU Center......................62,45,77 Devereux Therapeutic Foster Care.......................................... 51 Ecotarium.................................. 11 F3............................................. 47 Fidelity...................................... 63 Fitchburg Art Museum................ 69 Fletcher Tilton PC....................... 48 FMC Ice Sports........................... 57 Great Wolf New England............ 38 Heywood Hospital...................... 49 Kathy Corrigan’s Full Day Care Center....................................... 65 Lanni Orchards.......................... 35 Legoland Discovery Center Boston...................................... 75 Mall At Whitney Field................. 10 Marini Farm.............................. 16 Mass Audubon Society............... 59 May Institute............................. 51 Millbury Federal Credit Union.... 35 Millbury Savings Bank............... 36 New Horizon Karate.................. 71 Next Generation Children’s Center....................................... 5 Oak Meadow............................. 31 Old Sturbridge Village................ 25 Pakachoag Community Music School....................................... 58 Project Shine............................. 33 Reliant Medical Group...........31,55 Rise and Shine Academy............ 33 Roger Williams Park Zoo........... 26 S.E.T. School.............................. 36 Seven Hills Charter School.......... 53 Shawna Shenette Photography... 26 Sholan Farms............................ 16 Shrewsbury Children’s Center..... 64 Shrewsbury Montessori School... 58 Skribbles Learning Center.......... 65 Southwick’s Zoo......................... 19 Spa Tech Institute...................... 59 The Chestnut Hill School............. 67 The Learning Zone..................... 12 Tilt Studio.................................. 27 Turn 4 Hobbies.......................... 70 UMass Memorial Medical Center.............................22,53, 80 Wachusett Mountain.................. 19 Westminster Crackerfest............. 64 Whittier Farms, Inc.................... 29 Worcester Academy................... 71 YMCA Central Branch................. 69

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TAKE EIGHT

With Dr. Vitka Meet “Dr. Vitka.” He won’t be sleeping much this month. A longtime Salem resident and owner of Spellbound Tours, he’ll be bewitching curious tourists every night during ghostly tours of the haunted seaport town. A skeptic himself until a shocking personal experience at the site of the infamous Witch Dungeon, he is now a trained scientific paranormal investigator.

1

What makes Salem such a unique destination year-round? It is one of the most unusual places in America because it has something for every taste.

Salem has everything from serious historical sites to kitschy, fun attractions. Salem is a beautiful old New England seaport that happens to have a dark, spooky past that we embrace.

3

5

What led you to become a paranormal investigator?

I was always interested in the supernatural, but in a fun way.

I enjoyed the stories, but did not really believe it, until I had a first-hand encounter with SOMETHING at the site of the old dungeon in Salem. That was frightening and made me want to learn more!

78 OCTOBER2015

When was the last time you were spooked? The last time I was really spooked was on an investigation at a historic building in Salem (I am not allowed to say which one).

I was scouting out the location and the partner I was working with, someone who is normally very skeptical, insisted we leave right away. She was terrified. We went back to the car. We were the only ones there, but it felt as if a third person had entered the vehicle with us. When we got back to the office, whatever it was seemed to exit when we opened the door!

2

Tell us about some of your favorite ghosts in the area. My favorite ghost in Salem is the spirit of Giles Corey, the man who was pressed to death under enormous weight for three torturous days during the Witch Trials. As he lay dying, it is said he put a curse on the city. The legend is that anyone who sees the apparition of Giles Corey will suffer a great tragedy in their lives.

He was seen stalking around the Howard Street Cemetery the night before the Great Fire of 1914. I am lucky I have never seen him personally because on the tour we walk to where he was killed every night.

Can you reveal one of the best-kept secrets regarding Salem’s history? One of the best-kept secrets about Salem is that this city is home to the skull of the infamous pirate Blackbeard!

7

4 What do people tend to find most surprising when on one of your tours? Our guests are sometimes very surprised by the vampire content!

We discuss the historic facts behind the idea of vampirism, as well as the vampire culture of today. Many of our guests have no idea that there is a historic precedent for the existence of real vampires, or that there is a cohort of people who drink blood today! They cannot fly, turn into bats, and they certainly do not sparkle, but they do drink blood.

6

What can kids gain from the tour? We’re hoping not nightmares! Whether you are a skeptic or a believer, or one of the smart people who are somewhere in between the extremes, the idea of ghosts and supernatural investigation is a great jumping-off point to start to explore the world of science and learning about the things we cannot see.

Are ghosts more active on Halloween night or is that just hopeful thinking? Ghosts are most active at times when it’s emotionally significant to them. So if someone really loved Halloween, or got murdered on Halloween, or was the kind of person who enjoyed playing pranks on people, it would make sense for them to haunt on Halloween.

8

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