Tidbits - Denver Metro Area - Issue #1077 by Tidbits - Denver Metro Area

Denver Metro Area March 02, 2009

Issue #1077

Published by Mountain View Publishing, LLC

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• By the early 1920s, automobiles had become a popular new mode of transportation. New roads sprung up in every direction to accommodate them. Even though a few major routes ran for quite a distance from one state to another, these roads weren’t clearly marked. As a result, drivers often had difficulty finding their way around when they drove beyond familiar local landmarks. • The American Association of State Highway Officials (AASHO) was formed in 1924. The organization’s first task was to work with the Bureau of Public Roads (part of the Department of Agriculture) to map out a definitive grid of roadways. On March 2, 1925, the two groups instituted an official nationwide highway numbering system. • Before we get into the specifics of the numbering system, let’s take a look at America’s roadway situation during this era. They were not even called roads back then, but rather “auto trails,” and many were a nightmare for both drivers and mapmakers. • In those early days, auto trails were designated by names, usually marked by bands or signs tacked onto utility poles. The first such “marked” auto trail was thought to have been established in 1911, between Council Bluffs and Davenport, Iowa. When it became clear that a marked road helped to guide drivers through populated areas – which was a boon for businesses located along the route – other states quickly latched onto the concept.

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Page 2

March 02, 2009

• The Interstate Highway System, chamHIGHWAYS & BYWAYS (continued) pioned by President Dwight Eisenhower • The original purpose of an auto trail was (and named in his honor), was estab- We provide you to provide the most direct route from lished in 1956. Three states – Kansas, peace of mind Point A to Point B. Of course, it didn’t Missouri, and Pennsylvania – all lay claim take long for “enterprising” folks to learn We are YOUR to being the home of the first Interstate Residential Property that there was money to be made from highway. Missouri bases its claim on the these makeshift roads. Oil and tire comManagement Specialists fact that it was the first state to sign the panies, along with restaurants and tourinitial contract under the new program, Award Winning Customer Service! ist attractions, erected their own marker which led to Interstate 44. Kansas, on the Ala Carte Services depending on your needs signs. When necessary, these diverted other hand, was the first state to pave a Renting? We’ll help you locate the perfect Main Street off its straight course, sendproposed Interstate (I-70) under the prohome... FREE! ing automobile traffic through an area of gram. Finally, Pennsylvania believes that Call Today! town littered with storefronts. its longtraveled turnpike should be clasOffice: (303) 766--7620 sified as our country’s very first Interstate • By 1917, automobiles had become more Cell: (720) 320--7711 highway. affordable, and owners began to embark on occasional “motoring holidays.” To • The uniform design for U.S. highway odd/even numbering scheme used for promote tourism, several state governmarkers was adapted from the outline U.S. Highways, with a few twists. First, ments provided road maps that would of the shield appearing in the Great all major Interstates have one or two-digit guide drivers along the most efficient Seal of the United States. Initially, each numbers. Second, the numbers increase routes. But the spaghetti-like twists and state’s name was printed at the top of as you go from south to north and from turns of inconsistently-named auto trails the shield, but this led to driver confusion west to east. made navigation almost impossible. (“Is this a state road or a federal one?”). Later signs added the initials “US” above • The southernmost east-west Interstate • Wisconsin was the first state to enact is I-10, leading from Santa Monica, the highway number. While some states a law prohibiting the naming of a road California, to Jacksonville, Florida. The still use this design, the current marker is without consent from the state legislanorthernmost eastwest Interstate is I-94, usually depicted as the route number in ture. The state started mapping out malinking Billings, Montana, to Port Huron, black, centered in a white shield outline jor roads and their most direct routes, igMichigan. The lowest numbered northover a black background. noring the detours that split off into small south Interstate is I-5, running parallel towns. They then assigned those high- • AASHO invited individual states to subto the Pacific from Washington state to ways numbers that would identify them mit their own proposals for designs for the southernmost tip of California. I-95 for their entire length. Michigan was the the markers used for Interstate highfollows the East Coast, from Maine to next state to follow suit, adding uniform ways. The winning design – the familFlorida. It is the longest north-south Inmarkers on officially-numbered state iar red, white and blue shield still in use terstate and passes through 15 states, highways so that drivers could be confitoday – was a combination of entries more than any other freeway. dent that they were on the correct path. submitted by the states of Missouri and Texas. In a surprise move, the organiza- • Shorter Interstate routes are marked • The federal with a three-digit number. The last two tion also decided to add state names to government numbers are the Interstate leading to the the Interstate signs. The colorful markers soon emroute, and the first number can be odd are easy for drivers to distinguish, and barked on or even. If it’s odd, the road is a “spur” since Interstate highways are intended its own road that comes to an end at some point. If to link multiple states, it made sense to numbering the first number is even, it means that include the appropriate state’s name on project. As an the route links up with another Interstate each sign. aid to identihighway further down the road. fication, the • For Interstates, AASHO duplicated the AASHO determined that all east-west roads would be assigned even numbers, while north-south routes would get odd numbers. Major east-west routes would have a zero as their second digit, while the largest north-south roads would end with the number one. The organization also announced that there should be no duplications in state and U.S. highway numbers, forcing a few states to renumber their roads and post a new set of marker signs.

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March 02, 2009

Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area

1. TELEVISION: What was the theme song to the sitcom “Friends” and who sang it?

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• On March 2, 1807, the U.S. Congress passes an act to “prohibit the importation of slaves into any port or place within the jurisdiction of the United States ... from any foreign kingdom, place or country.” Great Britain also banned the African slave trade in 1807.

2. GEOGRAPHY: The Yakima River flows through which U.S. state? 3. MUSIC: Who recorded the 1970s hit “The Boys Are Back in Town”? 4. COMICS: Which comic strip featured a character called “Dragon Lady”?

• On March 7, 1876, 29-year-old Alexander Graham Bell receives a patent for his revolutionary new invention -- the telephone. Three days after filing the patent, the telephone carried its first intelligible message -- the famous “Mr. Watson, come here, I need you” -- from Bell to his assistant.

5. MEDICINE: What is meant by the term “palpate”? 6. FOOD AND DRINK: What is tagliatelle? 7. CHILDREN’S LITERATURE: Where did the Grinch live in the Dr. Seuss story? 8. MOVIES: What was the name of the mad scientist in “The Rocky Horror Picture Show”?

• On March 3, 1887, Anne Sullivan begins teaching 6-year-old Helen Keller, who lost her sight and hearing after a severe illness at the age of 19 months. Under Sullivan’s tutelage, the previously uncontrollable Keller flourished, eventually graduating from college and becoming an international lecturer and activist.

9. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: What does the Swahili word “Kwanzaa” mean? 10. FAMOUS QUOTES: Which standup comedian once said, “I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out”?

• On March 8, 1893, Emmet Dalton, the only survivor of the Dalton Gang’s disastrous attempt to rob two Kansas banks, begins serving a life sentence in the Kansas State Penitentiary. After 14 years in prison, Emmet won parole and returned to society a reformed man. He finally married and began a successful career as a real-estate agent.

Answers 1. “I’ll Be There For You” by the Rembrants 2. Washington 3. Thin Lizzy 4. Terry and the Pirates 5. Examine by touch 6. Type of pasta 7. Mount Crumpit 8. Dr. Frank-N-Furter 9. First fruits 10. Rodney Dangerfield

• On March 4, 1933, at the height of the Great Depression, Franklin Delano Roosevelt is inaugurated as the 32nd president of the United States. In his famous inaugural address, Roosevelt outlined his “New Deal” and told Americans that “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

• On March 5, 1966, a jet breaks apart in mid-air and plummets into Japan’s Mount Fuji. All 124 people on board the aircraft were killed. The plane’s pilot apparently flew close to the mountain in order to give the passengers a better view, and severe turbulence literally blew the plane apart.

Quips & Quotes The best safety lies in fear. — William Shakespeare Education is our only political safety. Outside of this ark all is deluge. — Horace Mann Those that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. — Benjamin Franklin

• On March 6, 1986, Georgia O’Keefe, the artist who gained worldwide fame for her austere minimalist paintings of the American southwest, dies in Santa Fe, N.M., at the age of 98. O’Keefe’s paintings of cow skulls and calla lilies gained particular attention and won her an enthusiastic audience. (c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.

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WeddingBits           

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Ruts and routines can be the enemy of romance, so here are some fun ideas for keeping your relationship fresh and fun. #30 - Swim in a lake, river or pool #29 - See a concert or play #28 - Go to different parks in your area #27 - Eat a progressive meal by dining at multiple restaurants #26 - Go for a drive and explore new places #25 - Go ice-skating #24 - Take up dancing lessons #23 - Try a new sport together #22 - Go on a date with an older couple #21 - Build a scrapbook or photo album of your favorite memories together #20 - Plant a garden and spend time cultivating it #19 - Have a candlelight dinner in your family room #18 - Host a game night party #17 - See a college/professional baseball, basketball, hockey, football, lacrosse or soccer game #16 - Go to a nice restaurant for appetizers or dessert #15 - Chat beneath the stars about your hopes and dreams #14 - Go to community or school plays, musicals and games #13 - Play board games or card games #12 - Put together a puzzle #11 - Read a book together #10 - Take a picnic to the mountains #9 - Bury a treasure (like a giant Hershey kiss) and send the other person on a hunt to fi nd it #8 - Throw a surprise party for a special occasion #7 - Make a video together #6 - Research and discuss your family trees #5 - Explore old neighborhoods #4 - Learn a piece of software that interests you both (games, photos, fi nances, etc.) #3 - Write down your love story #2 - Go to a local coffee shop and plan a dream vacation and now for the top tip for strengthening your relationship… #1 - Attend a FREE relationship workshop sponsored by the Colorado Healthy Marriage Project! To sign up or learn more, visit www.marry-well.org or call 720-488-8888.

March 02, 2009

SPECIAL NOTICE FOR FORMER ROCKY MOUNTAIN NEWS EMPLOYEES Tidbits Denver Metro Area is NOW HIRING!

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Barrel of Knowledge • There is a town in Maryland called Accident. On the approach to the town is a road sign that doubles as a warning and is always true. The sign says: ACCIDENT AHEAD • The first fatal plane accident occurred on September 17, 1908 - - the pilot in that crash was none other than Orville Wright.

March 02, 2009

Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area

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Events MicroChip Your Cat - FREE: September 2008 - September 2009 (as long as supplies last); Various veterinary hospitals and clinics across the metro area. 150,000 cats metrowide will receive free microchips! Visit www. ChipYourCat.com for details. FREE Nutrition Classes: Tuesdays January 6, 2009 - March 24, 2009; Brekshires at Lowry 6704-A E. Cedar Ave, Denver 10am - 11am or 6pm - 7pm. Free Personal Coaching, Free Nutritional Information. Learn how to eat and stay healthy with our fast-paced lifestyle. Get to meet new people and have fun. For more information and pre-registration, contact Vivian (303) 355-4770 35th Annual Denver March PowWow: March 20 - March 22, 2009: The Denver Coliseum, Denver. Doors open Friday - Sunday 10:00 am. The Denver March Pow Wow Committee, on behalf of the Denver Indian community, invites all dancers, singers, traders, spectators and powwow fans to their 25th annual powwow. Enjoy dancing, singing, crafts, artisans, frybread and more. $7 per day or $18 for a three day pass. Seniors ages 60+ and children under 6 years of age are FREE! www. DenverMarchPowWow.org 6th Annual Weekend of Jazz: March 26 March 28, 2009: The Broadmoor, Colorado Springs. Grammy Award winning guitarist, Earl Klugh, annually invites jazz and music enthusiasts to a unique, luxurious getaway at the Five Star, Five Diamond Broadmoor Resort. Patti Austin, Spyro Gyra, Jesse, J, Bob James, R ‘n’ R (Rick Braun and Richard Elliot), and more. Tickets now on sale! www. WeekendOfJazz.com 3rd Annual RootsFest - Formerly Known as the Denver Folk and Roots Music Festival: March 28, 2009; Ellie Caulkins Opera House, 1477 Columbine St, Denver. $55 - $125. Saturday 6:00 pm. Headlining - Bluegrass legends Hot Rize, multi-Grammy winner singer/ songwriter Shawn Colvin, and acclaimed guitar virtuoso Leo Kottke. www.SwallowHillMusic.org Bikers Against Diabetes: May 17, 2009; Fraternal Order of Eagles, 1151 S Galena St, Denver. $20 Single/$10 Passenger (includes Lunch) Benefits Children’s Hospital Diabetes Research. www.EagleRiders3224.com or call (303) 695-0673. Parker Country Festival: June 12, 2009 June 14, 2009; Town of Parker, Main Street. FREE Admission - Individual activies such as carnival rides will have costs. Carnival, 150 arts and craft/Commercial vendors, kids’ activities, two stages of free entertainment and a parade. Friday 5:00 pm - 11:00 pm. Saturdy 9:00 am 11:00 pm. Sunday 9:00 am - 10:00 pm. www. ParkerOnLine.org Coolest Car Show: July 4, 2009; 10:00 am - 4:00 pm. Downtown Estes Park, between West Elkhorn Ave and Moraine Ave, Estes Park Colorado. Ticket Information - $4 Adult, $2 children and students, FREE under 6 yrs old, OR BRING THE FAMILY FOR JUST $10! Proceeds benefit the Estes Park Museum. The Coolest Car Show will feature over 100 vintage vehicles from the 1920s and beyond. Car show will take place in Bond Park and throughout the Downtown area. Close up inspection of the cars is encouraged! Information and to register your car: www.EstesParkcvb.com

Free Events

Bus Tour of the Golden Triangle Art/ Museum District - First Friday of every month free, 5 - 9 pm. Ballet Arts Theatre, 816 Acoma St, Denver 303-825-7570 www.pnfproductions.com Children’s Museum - Free admission first Tuesday evening of the month, 4 - 8pm 2121 Children’s Museum Drive www.cmdenver.org Colorado Railroad Museum - Check the web site for free days. www.crrm.org 17155 W. 44th Avenue, Golden 303-279-4591 CU In Broomfield World Music Series - Free concerts 2nd Wed of every month, 7pm Broomfield Auditorium, 3 Community Park Road, 303-469-3301 x7999 www.broomfield.org Denver Art Museum - First Sat of every month free to Colo residents, 10am - 5pm 100 West 14th Avenue Parkway www.denverartmuseum.org Denver Botanic Gardens - Free day: First Friday of each month, 9am - 5pm 1005 York Street, 720-865-3500 www.botanicgardens.org Denver Museum of Nature & Science - 2009 Free days: Wed Mar 18, Sun Apr 19, Sun May 31, Wed Jun 10, Mon Jul 13, Wed Aug 12, Sun Sep 13, Sun Oct 4, Mon Nov 2, Sun Nov 22. 2001 Colorado Boulevard, 303-322-7009 www. dmns.org Firehouse Tales For Tots- Denver Firefighters Museum 1356 Tremont Pl, (303) 892-1436. First Wednesday of each month 10:00 am - 10:30 am. Ages 2-6 Museum of Contemporary Art - First Saturday of every month - Admission: 1 penny 1275 19th St, Denver 303-298-7554 www.mcartdenver.org U.S. Mint - Free: Mon - Fri; 8am - 3pm; reservations encouraged 320 West Colfax Ave., 303-405-4761 www.usmint.gov

Sports

Colorado Avalanche - NHL Islanders host Avalanche: Mon Mar 2, 5:00 pm Avalanche hosts Red Wings: Wed Mar 4, 7:00pm Blackhawks host Avalanche: Sun Mar 8, 1:00 pm Avalanche hosts Thrashers: Tue Mar 10, 7:00 pm Avalanche hosts Wild: Thu Mar 12, 7:00 pm Oilers host Avalanche: Sat Mar 14, 8:00 pm Canucks host Avalanche: Sun Mar 15, 8:00 pm Wild host Avalanche: Tue Mar 17, 6:00 pm Avalanche hosts Oilers: Thu Mar 19, 7:00 pm Denver Nuggets - NBA Detroit hosts Nuggets: Tue Mar 3, 5:30 pm Nuggets host Portland: Thu Mar 5, 8:30 pm Utah hosts Nuggets: Fri Mar 6, 8:30 pm Sacramento hosts Nuggets: Sun Mar 8, 7:00 pm Nuggets host Houston: Mon Mar 9, 7:00 pm Nuggets host Oklahoma City: Wed Mar 11, 7pm Nuggets host LA Clippers: Sat Mar 14, 7:00 pm Nuggets host New Jersey: Mon Mar 16, 7:00 pm Memphis hosts Nuggets: Wed Mar 18, 6:00 pm Nuggets host Washington: Fri Mar 20, 7:00 pm Colorado Mammoth - Natl Lacrosse League San Jose hosts Mammoth: Sat Mar 14, 1:30 pm Calgary hosts Mammoth: Sat Mar 21, 7:30 pm Mammoth host Calgary: Sun Mar 22, 6:00 pm Colorado Rockies - Major League Baseball Spring Training Rockies host Angels: Mon Mar 2, 1:10 pm Brewers host Rockies: Tue Mar 3, 1:05 pm Exhibition Game - Rockies Host Mexico: Thu Mar 5, 1:10 PM Tickets On Sale Now! www.Colorado.Rockies.mlb.com San Diego hosts Rockies: Fri Mar 6, 1:05 pm San Francisco hosts Rockies: Sat Mar 7, 1:05 pm Rockies host San Diego: Sun Mar 8, 2:10 pm Rockies host Oakland: Tue Mar 10, 2:10 pm Cleveland hosts Rockies: Wed Mar 11, 2:05 pm Angels host Rockies: Thu Mar 12, 2:05 pm Rockies host San Francisco: Fri Mar 13, 2:10 pm Rockies host Seatle: Sat Mar 14, 2:10 pm Dodgers host Rockies: Sun Mar 15, 2:05 pm Arizona hosts Rockies: Mon Mar 16, 2:05 pm Rockies host Kansas City: Tue Mar 17, 2:10 pm Dodgers host Rockies: Thu Mar 19, 2:05 pm Colorado Rapids - Major League Soccer Denver Outlaws - Major League Lacrosse Denver Broncos - National Football League

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Page 6

March 02, 2009

Good Bye Rocky Mountain News

photographers, journalists, editors, human resource personnel, accountants, graphic artists, and many more who no longer can After almost 150 years, the Rocky Mountain be part of an industry that they love. We also feel for the advertisers who paid for a News (RMN) has decided to shut down. reputable print medium in which to place Many people would say that this foretells their business and no longer have that won’t find ads in our paper for tobacco, water pipes or escort services. Maybe, just the future of all daily newspapers, in fact specific channel available to them. maybe, it’s because the people of Denver all newspapers; subscriptions are down thus advertising is down; the newspaper As such, we at Tidbits – Denver Metro Area enjoy reading something that puts them are helping to address these issue – to in a good mood and brightens their day industry is dying and will soon be gone. bring balance – to the void that the end of (something we could use a bit more of). We at Tidbits strongly disagree! the RMN has caused. And most importantly, we believe it’s While it is true that most major daily Tidbits – Denver Metro Area has chosen because our readers tell our advertisers, “I newspapers are facing serious financial to honor all advertising that the Rocky saw your ad in Tidbits!” challenges, local and community papers; Mountain News has left unfulfilled. We such as Tidbits – Denver Metro Area, are are contacting each advertiser and letting The Rocky Mountain News left behind succeeding and flourishing. While “News” them know that they can contact Tidbits – people in need and Tidbits – Denver Metro Papers are certainly struggling, papers Denver Metro Area and we will help them Area will fill that need. If you know anyone affected by the loss of the Rocky, hand such as Tidbits are becoming increasingly place their ad in our publication. them a copy of Tidbits – Denver Metro Area popular. We are also putting out the call to all RMN and ask them to contact us. The nay-sayers of print media are the same former employees that we are hiring for a folks who read such papers; the doom and number of positions. It’s ironic that while Readers? Try reading something that puts a smile on your face! gloom crowd. the Rocky Mountain News is no longer with Most people will always have a need and us, we at Tidbits – Denver Metro Area are Employees? Send your resume to HR@ desire to hold a paper in their hands while growing each month at an extraordinary TidbitsOfDenver.com and we will be glad to look it over! reading. There will always be those people rate. who want to fold the paper in eighths in Perhaps it’s because our publication prints Advertisers? Let us know how we can help order to figure out the crossword or Sudoku no doom and gloom – our paper is designed give your business the POSITIVE Metropuzzles. There will always be a need for to put a smile of people’s faces. Perhaps Wide exposure it deserves. Email Sales@ TidbitsOfDenver.com or call our offices at “The Paper”. it’s because we charge very reasonable We at Tidbits – Denver Metro Area, rates for reputable advertising. Perhaps (303) 688-1987. empathize with the Rocky Mountain News’ it’s because we are family friendly; you Good-bye Rocky Mountain News – you will be missed. pressmen, distribution teams, sales people,

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March 02, 2009

WEEKLY FUNNIES

By Samantha Weaver • It was infamous German philosopher Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche who made the following sage observation: “In individuals, insanity is rare; but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.” • If you’re like the typical person, you completely regrow your fingernails once every four and a half months. • Financial statistics show that 1 percent of the population in the United States owns more than one-third of the country’s wealth. • In the 17th century, a Frenchman opened a coffee shop in London and sold chocolate, newly imported from the Americas, for 10 to 15 shillings a pound. That may not sound like much until you learn that at the time, the going price of a pound of gold was 20 to 30 shillings. • Some species of lizards can lay many clutches of eggs over the course of a number of years after having mated only once. • Way back in 1879, the Cincinnati Gazette predicted that the game of baseball had “run its course.” • If you’re a fan of fishing, here’s a cautionary tale regarding the weather: A 48-yearold Colombian man named Felipe Ortiz decided (for reasons unknown) to go out fishing in a raging storm. He cast his line into a strong wind, but the line blew back and caused the baited hook to lodge in his throat, killing him. • You probably have never heard of the affliction once known as “boanthropy,” but evidently in the 1800s a man thinking he was an ox was common enough to require its own word. • In the past 30 years, the size of the average American home has increased by nearly two-thirds. (c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.

Thought for the Day: “Some people with great virtues are disagreeable, while others with great vices are delightful.” -- Francois, duc de La Rochefoucauld

An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said, “yes.” The next morning when he awoke, he couldn’t remember what her answer was! “Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny...” After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn’t remember her answer to the marriage proposal. “Oh,” she said, “I’m so glad you called. I remembered saying ‘yes’ to someone, but I couldn’t remember who it was.”

Page 7

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They discovered that they were both going the same way so they decided to walk together. They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially flooded the road so there was no way that they could A woman in church is overheard praying get across to the other side without getting out loud to God: “Dear Lord, I pray for wis- wet. “If I get my new Sunday dress wet my dom, to understand my man, to love and to Mom’s going to skin me alive,” said the little forgive him, and for patience for his moods. girl. “My Mom’ll tan my hide too if I get my Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I’ll just new Sunday suit wet,” replied the boy. “I tell you what I think I’ll do,” said the little girl. “I’m beat him to death.” gonna pull off all my clothes and hold them When my three-year-old son opened the over my head and wade across.” “That’s a birthday gift from his grandmother, he dis- good idea,” replied the little boy. “I’m going covered a water pistol. He squealed with de- to do the same thing with my suit.” So they light and headed for the nearest sink. I was both undressed and waded across to the not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, other side without getting their clothes wet. “I’m surprised at you. Don’t you remember They were standing there in the sun waiting how we used to drive you crazy with water to drip dry before putting their clothes back guns?” Mom smiled and then replied, “I re- on when the little boy finally remarked. “You member.” know, I never did realize before just how In dire need of a beauty make-over, I went much difference there really is between a to my salon with a fashion magazine photo Baptist and a Presbyterian.” of a gorgeous, young, lustrous-haired mod- A grandmother was pushing her little grandel. I showed the stylist the trendy new cut I child around a store in a buggy. Each time wanted and settled into the chair as he be- she put something in the basket she would gan humming a catchy tune and got to work say, “And here’s something for you, Diploon my thin, graying hair. I was delighted by ma!” or “This will make a cute little outfit for his cheerful attitude until I recognized the you, Diploma!” and so on. Eventually a bemelody. It was the theme from ‘Mission: Im- wildered shopper who’d heard all this finally possible.’ asked, “Is her name really Diploma?” “Well, Jerry was recovering from day surgery when a nurse asked how he was feeling. “I’m ok but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,” he answered. “What did he say,” asked the nurse. “OOPS!”

A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction. “Hello,” they each said to the other. “Where are you going?” asked the boy. “I’ve been to church this morning and I’m on my way home,” answered the girl. “Me too,” replied the little boy. “I’m also on my way home from church. Which church do you go to?” asked the little boy. “I go to the Baptist church back down the road,” replied the little girl. “What about you?” “I go to the Presbyterian church back at the top of the hill,” replied the little boy.

WEEKLY ANSWERS

no,” grandma said. “Not really.” “Then why do you keep calling her that?” The grandmother replied, “I sent my daughter to Virginia Tech and this is all she came home with!”

“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees. “Yes, Sir,” the new employee replied. “Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.”

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Page 8

Laugh Lines! 25 Best Responses If Found Asleep at Your Desk...

25. “Oh, Man! Come in at 6 in the morning and look what happens!”

24. “This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!” 23. “This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!”

Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!” 15. “I was trying to find the meaning of life in the molecules of my desktop!” 14. “This is a highly specific Yoga position to relieve work-related stress.” 13. “I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.” 12. “I’m doing the ‘Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan’ (SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.” 11. “It worked well for Reagan, didn’t it?”

22. “You don’t discriminate against those with Latient Atrophy Zymosis Yeast syndrome, DO YOU?!?”

10. “Just pacing myself for the all-nighter tonight!”

21. “Gee, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day.”

8. “Auggh! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.”

20. “They told me at the blood bank this might happen.” 19. “Oh, Hi, I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands.” 18. “This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.” 17. “Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper.” 16. “I was just meditating on the

“I was working smarter-not harder.”

7. “I’m in the management training program.” 6.

“The coffee machine is broken....”

5. “Someone must’ve put decaf in the wrong pot.” 4. “Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won’t wear off!” 3. “Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!” 2. “It’s okay... I’m still billing the client.” And the #1 response if found asleep at your desk: 1. “...and I especially thank you for my excellent boss, Amen!”

March 02, 2009

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