Denver Metro Area March 09, 2009
Issue #1078
Published by Mountain View Publishing, LLC
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AT THE FOOD COURT
It’s convenient, it’s tasty, and (most importantly) it’s there when you need it. This week’s edition of Tidbits examines the the history of shopping mall restaurants and some of the stories behind food court cuisine.
by Audrey Cunningham
• Sbarro. In their hometown of Naples, Gennaro and Carmela Sbarro learned to cook authentic, delicious Italian food. The couple left in 1956 and relocated to New York City, where they opened their first salumeria, or Italian delicatessen. Steady business prompted them to open a second store, this one inside a Brooklyn shopping mall. The constant parade of hungry shoppers looking for a quick bite to eat proved to be a goldmine. From then on, Sbarro limited its expansion to restaurants in shopping malls, at airports, and on college campuses. • Hot Dog on a Stick. Founder Dave Barham opened a corn dog stand at Muscle Beach in Venice, California. Sunbathers appreciated the convenience of the frank on a stick that could be held in one hand while sipping Barham’s trademark fresh lemonade with the other. Hot Dog on a Stick became a mall staple when Barham bought a space inside Utah’s Fashion Place Mall in 1972. • Cinnabon. Rich Komen leased a space in the food court of Washington state’s SeaTac Mall in 1985, planning to open a T.J. Cinnamons franchise. When the deal fell through, he was left with a shop scheduled to open in 120 days, but with no name or product. Intent on offering cinnamon rolls, Komen and four friends sampled cinnamon rolls made from some 200 different recipes over the next month. They finally settled on a recipe that combined moist, pillowy dough with Indonesian cinnamon and cream cheese frosting. Cinnabon was born! turn the page for more!
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March 09, 2009
Chick-Fil-A is a $1.5 billion empire, with AT THE FOOD COURT (continued) stand-alone outlets as well as the famil• Panda Express. Andrew Cherng came iar food court stores. And, true to Cathy’s We provide you to the U.S. in the early 1970s. In GlenChristian principles, each and every store peace of mind dale, California, he opened a sit-down in the chain is closed on Sunday. Chinese restaurant called the Panda We are YOUR • Auntie Anne’s. As one of eight children Residential Property Inn. Among his regular customers was a born to Amish parents, Anne Beiler had group of shopping mall developers. They Management Specialists been baking bread as long as she could approached Cherng with the idea of Award Winning Customer Service! remember. At the age of 15, she got a job selling freshly-prepared Chinese food in Ala Carte Services depending on your needs as a truck stop waitress, where she spent food courts of their malls. Panda Express the next four years learning all about cusRenting? We’ll help you locate the perfect now has 460 outlets across the country, home... FREE! tomer service. Beiler later worked makeach offering 20 “core” menu items maning hot, doughy, Pennsylvania DutchCall Today! dated by the company, and four additiontype pretzels at a local stand. When the Office: (303) 766--7620 al dishes selected by the local franchise owner put Cell: (720) 320--7711 owner. the stand • Orange Julius. Julius Freed loved to up for the two men formed a partnership. The invent things. His early patents included sale, she first P.F. Chang’s China Bistro opened in such diverse items as an inflatable shrimp bought 1993 in Scottsdale, Arizona. trap and a portable pigeon shower. (Yes, it. After really.) In 1926, Freed enjoyed modest • Great Steak. When most people think tweaking success with his own orange juice stand. of cheesesteak sandwiches, the first city the origiA friend, real estate broker Bill Hamlin, that comes to mind is Philadelphia. But nal recsuggested that he add something to the one of this country’s largest cheesesteak ipe, she fresh-squeezed juice to reduce its acidity. sandwich franchises was founded a bit unveiled Auntie Anne’s Pretzels. Thanks In fact, it was Bill – not Julius – who acfurther south and west, in Dayton, Ohio. to a tasty product and word-of-mouth adtually came up with the mixture that creFounders Ken Smith and Mark Turnvertising, Beiler began offering franchisates the frothy drink we know and love er did grow up near Philly, where they es after only one year in business. today. The secret “powder” added to the learned how to properly make the sand• Baja Fresh. In 1990, risk-taker Jim Magcrushed ice and syrup is still a trade sewich by slicing rib-eye steak and topping glos took out a third mortgage on his cret. The name of the new product was it with the right combination of provolone house to finance the opening of his first coined when customers at the stand’s cheese, onions, and green peppers. The Baja Fresh restaurant. The “fresh-Mex” counter would call out, “Give me an orfirst retail space they rented was in an chain prides itself on using fresh ingreange, Julius!” Ohio mall, where they opened the Steak dients, and boasts that there are no miEscape in 1982. The business proved so • California Pizza Kitchen. Rick Rosencrowaves or freezers on the premises of successful that their landlord franchised it field and Larry Flax were successful attheir 300+ outlets as the Great Steak & Potato Company. torneys who had grown weary of the law • P.F. Chang’s. The “P.F.” in the restauworld and decided to get into the restaurant’s name are the initials of its founder, • Sarku Japan. Founded in 1987, Sarku rant business. Neither man had any exJapan is the largest Japanese quick-serPaul Fleming. He’d previously become perience in the field, so they turned to an vice restaurant chain in the United States. the first Ruth’s Chris Steak House franchiexpert – McDonald’s founder Ray Kroc It’s also the only one to serve Teppanyasee on the West Coast, so Fleming knew – and devoured his autobiography. With ki-style cuisine. But don’t bother asking a bit about running a restaurant. He loved Kroc’s basic principles of quality and any of your Tokyo pen-pals about the Chinese food, particularly Beverly Hills’ cleanliness in mind, all they needed was meaning behind the “Sarku” name; it’s famous Mandarin. Fleming befriended a product. The men found inspiration in not really a Japanese word. the Mandarin’s owner, Philip Chiang, and celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck, who had begun dishing out pizzas with fancy toppings like duck and goat cheese. Rosenfield and Flax took the idea, scaled down the ultra-pricy ingredients a bit, and introduced “L.A.-style” pizza to the rest of the nation. • Chick-Fil-A. Truett Cathy is credited with inventing the boneless breast of chicken sandwich. In 1967, he opened his first Chick-Fil-A restaurant at Greenbriar Mall in Atlanta. Even though the menu was limited to only five items, the restaurant became a massive success. Today,
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March 09, 2009
Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
1. MEDICAL TERMS: What would a patient with alopecia be lacking?
Page 3
• On March 15, 44 B.C., Julius Caesar, the “dictator for life” of the Roman Empire, is murdered by his own senators at a meeting in a hall next to Pompey’s Theatre. The conspiracy against Caesar encompassed as many as 60 noblemen, including Caesar’s own protege, Marcus Brutus.
2. LITERATURE: Which of Shakespeare’s plays featured a character named Caliban? 3. U.S. STATES: Which four states within the United States are referred to as commonwealths? 4. ARCHITECTURE: Where would a reredos be found? 5. LANGUAGE: From which two words is the term “cyborg” derived?
• On March 13, 1781, English astronomer William Hershel discovers Uranus, the seventh planet from the sun. Herschel’s discovery was the first to be made by use of a telescope, which allowed Herschel to distinguish Uranus as a planet, not a star, as previous astronomers believed.
6. MYTHOLOGY: In American Indian mythology, which creature can cause thunder and lightning? 7. TELEVISION: What was the name of the concierge in “Gilmore Girls”? 8. MOVIES: What was the name of Harrison Ford’s spacecraft in “Star Wars”?
• On March 12, 1933, eight days after his inauguration, President Franklin D. Roosevelt gives his first national radio address, or “fireside chat,” broadcast directly from the White House. Roosevelt went on to deliver 30 more of these broadcasts between March 1933 and June 1944.
9. ENTERTAINERS: Singer Olivia Newton-John came to the United States from which country? 10. FAMOUS QUOTATIONS: Who once said, “I couldn’t wait for success, so I went ahead without it.” Answers 1. Hair (baldness) 2. “The Tempest” 3. Kentucky, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania and Virginia. 4. An ornamental screen or wall behind an altar 5. Cybernetic organism 6. Thunderbird 7. Michel 8. The Millennium Falcon 9. Australia 10. Jonathan Winters
• On March 9, 1945, U.S. warplanes launch a new bombing offensive against Japan, dropping 2,000 tons of incendiary bombs on Tokyo and igniting the worst single firestorm in recorded history. Almost 16 square miles were incinerated, and between 80,000 and 130,000 Japanese civilians were killed. • On March 14, 1950, the Federal Bureau of Investigation institutes the “Ten Most Wanted Fugitives” list in an effort to publicize particularly dangerous fugitives. The creation of the program arose out of a wireservice news story in 1949 about the “toughest guys” the FBI wanted to capture.
(c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
Quips & Quotes Fraud and falsehood only dread examination. Truth invites it. — Samuel Johnson What I did in my youth is hundreds of times easier today. Technology breeds crime. — Frank Abagnale, Jr. If we do not plant knowledge when young, it will give us no shade when we are old. — Lord Chesterfield
• On March 10, 1969, James Earl Ray pleads guilty to the assassination of civil-rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. and is sentenced to 99 years in prison. During the 1990s, King’s widow and children spoke publicly in support of Ray and speculated about an assassination conspiracy involving the U.S. government and military. • On March 11, 1997, Paul McCartney, a former member of The Beatles, is knighted by Queen Elizabeth II for his “services to music.” The 54-yearold lad from Liverpool became Sir Paul in a centuries-old ceremony of pomp and solemnity at Buckingham Palace in central London. (c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
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Page 4
WeddingBits
Is Intimacy only for the movies?
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Far too often relationships evolve into a predictable storyline where starry-eyed lovers become encumbered by the realities of every day life and lose touch with each other, sometimes becoming intimate strangers. A national marital satisfaction poll suggests that it is important for couples in all cycles of life to work at finding time together to refresh their marriages. It is important for husbands and wives to not only date each other more often, but to also talk openly about what a “date” is and create plans that will foster friendship, communication, bonding and intimacy. Intimacy is the bonding agent that helps couples stay connected and involved in the process of creating a healthy marriage. Marriage and family researchers Schaefer and Olson describe intimacy as “a process that occurs over time and is never completed or fully accomplished.” Although you and your spouse may define intimacy differently, “all human beings have the basic need to be intimate and close with another person.” Brigham Young University researchers Hagey and Brewer found that intimacy is created in diverse ways within relationships, including: Emotional intimacy is the closeness created through sharing feelings. Mental or intellectual intimacy involves a mutual understanding about all the important issues in your marriage and setting goals together. Spiritual intimacy involves sharing religious beliefs and observing religious practices together.
March 09, 2009
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Recreational intimacy is enjoying activities together. Financial or monetary intimacy comes with discussing and sharing your finances
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Sexual intimacy includes sexual frequency that both partners are satisfied with, sexual activities both partners enjoy, and an open dialogue about sex.
• Chocolate manufacturers use 40% of the world’s almonds and 20% of the world’s peanuts.
Studies show that healthy marital intimacy is based on mutual trust, tenderness, acceptance, open communication, caring and appropriate boundaries. For more information about the forms of intimacy attend an upcoming Colorado Healthy Marriage Project seminar. To register visit www.marrywell.org or call 720-488-8888.
• Chips Ahoy! cookies are baked in ovens which are as long as a football field. Over 4,000 cookies exit the oven each minute. • It takes 7 to 10 days to make a jellybean.
March 09, 2009
Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
Page 5 When your financial obligations get too big...
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Events MicroChip Your Cat - FREE: September 2008 - September 2009 (as long as supplies last); Various veterinary hospitals and clinics across the metro area. 150,000 cats metrowide will receive free microchips! Visit www. ChipYourCat.com for details. 35th Annual Denver March PowWow: March 20 - March 22, 2009: The Denver Coliseum, Denver. Doors open Friday - Sunday 10:00 am. The Denver March Pow Wow Committee, on behalf of the Denver Indian community, invites all dancers, singers, traders, spectators and powwow fans to their 25th annual powwow. Enjoy dancing, singing, crafts, artisans, frybread and more. $7 per day or $18 for a three day pass. Seniors ages 60+ and children under 6 years of age are FREE! www. DenverMarchPowWow.org 6th Annual Weekend of Jazz: March 26 March 28, 2009: The Broadmoor, Colorado Springs. Grammy Award winning guitarist, Earl Klugh, annually invites jazz and music enthusiasts to a unique, luxurious getaway at the Five Star, Five Diamond Broadmoor Resort. Patti Austin, Spyro Gyra, Jesse, J, Bob James, R ‘n’ R (Rick Braun and Richard Elliot), and more. Tickets now on sale! www. WeekendOfJazz.com 3rd Annual RootsFest - Formerly Known as the Denver Folk and Roots Music Festival: March 28, 2009; Ellie Caulkins Opera House, 1477 Columbine St, Denver. $55 - $125. Saturday 6:00 pm. Headlining - Bluegrass legends Hot Rize, multi-Grammy winner singer/ songwriter Shawn Colvin, and acclaimed guitar virtuoso Leo Kottke. www.SwallowHillMusic.org Bikers Against Diabetes: May 17, 2009; Fraternal Order of Eagles, 1151 S Galena St, Denver. $20 Single/$10 Passenger (includes Lunch) Benefits Children’s Hospital Diabetes Research. www.EagleRiders3224.com or call (303) 695-0673. Parker Country Festival: June 12, 2009 June 14, 2009; Town of Parker, Main Street. FREE Admission - Individual activies such as carnival rides will have costs. Carnival, 150 arts and craft/Commercial vendors, kids’ activities, two stages of free entertainment and a parade. Friday 5:00 pm - 11:00 pm. Saturdy 9:00 am 11:00 pm. Sunday 9:00 am - 10:00 pm. www. ParkerOnLine.org Jazz Aspen Snowmass Festival: June 18, 2009 - June 28, 2009; Snowmass Village Resort, Snowmass Colorado. Ticket Information to be announced. NEW VENUE! Show Times To Be Announced. Music, Food, Friends and Fun. The festival will showcase multiple performances featuring this year’s brilliant group of JAS Academy artists at a variety of clubs. www.SnowmassVillage.com Coolest Car Show: July 4, 2009; 10:00 am - 4:00 pm. Downtown Estes Park, between West Elkhorn Ave and Moraine Ave, Estes Park Colorado. Ticket Information - $4 Adult, $2 children and students, FREE under 6 yrs old, OR BRING THE FAMILY FOR JUST $10! Proceeds benefit the Estes Park Museum. The Coolest Car Show will feature over 100 vintage vehicles from the 1920s and beyond. Car show will take place in Bond Park and throughout the Downtown area. Close up inspection of the cars is encouraged! Information and to register your car: www.EstesParkcvb.com
Free Events
Bus Tour of the Golden Triangle Art/ Museum District - First Friday of every month free, 5 - 9 pm. Ballet Arts Theatre, 816 Acoma St, Denver 303-825-7570 www.pnfproductions.com Children’s Museum - Free admission first Tuesday evening of the month, 4 - 8pm 2121 Children’s Museum Drive www.cmdenver.org Colorado Railroad Museum - Check the web site for free days. www.crrm.org 17155 W. 44th Avenue, Golden 303-279-4591 CU In Broomfield World Music Series - Free concerts 2nd Wed of every month, 7pm Broomfield Auditorium, 3 Community Park Road, 303-469-3301 x7999 www.broomfield.org Denver Art Museum - First Sat of every month free to Colo residents, 10am - 5pm 100 West 14th Avenue Parkway www.denverartmuseum.org Denver Botanic Gardens - Free day: First Friday of each month, 9am - 5pm 1005 York Street, 720-865-3500 www.botanicgardens.org Denver Museum of Nature & Science - 2009 Free days: Wed Mar 18, Sun Apr 19, Sun May 31, Wed Jun 10, Mon Jul 13, Wed Aug 12, Sun Sep 13, Sun Oct 4, Mon Nov 2, Sun Nov 22. 2001 Colorado Boulevard, 303-322-7009 www. dmns.org Firehouse Tales For Tots- Denver Firefighters Museum 1356 Tremont Pl, (303) 892-1436. First Wednesday of each month 10:00 am - 10:30 am. Ages 2-6 Museum of Contemporary Art - First Saturday of every month - Admission: 1 penny 1275 19th St, Denver 303-298-7554 www.mcartdenver.org U.S. Mint - Free: Mon - Fri; 8am - 3pm; reservations encouraged 320 West Colfax Ave., 303-405-4761 www.usmint.gov
Sports
Colorado Avalanche - NHL Avalanche hosts Thrashers: Tue Mar 10, 7:00 pm Avalanche hosts Wild: Thu Mar 12, 7:00 pm Oilers host Avalanche: Sat Mar 14, 8:00 pm Canucks host Avalanche: Sun Mar 15, 8:00 pm Wild host Avalanche: Tue Mar 17, 6:00 pm Avalanche hosts Oilers: Thu Mar 19, 7:00 pm Sharks host Avalanche: Sun Mar 22, 6:00 pm Avalanche hosts Ducks: Wed Mar 25, 7:00 pm Avalanche hosts Canucks: Fri Mar 27, 7:00 pm Ducks host Avalanche: Sun Mar 29, 6:00 pm Denver Nuggets - NBA Nuggets host Oklahoma City: Wed Mar 11, 7pm Nuggets host LA Clippers: Sat Mar 14, 7:00 pm Nuggets host New Jersey: Mon Mar 16, 7:00 pm Memphis hosts Nuggets: Wed Mar 18, 6:00 pm Nuggets host Washington: Fri Mar 20, 7:00 pm Phoenix hosts Nuggets: Mon Mar 23, 8:00 pm New Orleans hosts Nuggets: Wed Mar 25, 6 pm Dallas hosts Nuggets: Fri Mar 27, 6:30 pm Nuggets host Golden State: Sat Mar 28, 7 pm Nuggets host New York: Tue Mar 31, 7:00 pm Colorado Mammoth - Natl Lacrosse League San Jose hosts Mammoth: Sat Mar 14, 1:30 pm Calgary hosts Mammoth: Sat Mar 21, 7:30 pm Mammoth hosts Minnesota: Sun Mar 22, 6:00 pm Philadelphia hosts Mammoth: Sat Mar 28, 5:30pm Colorado Rockies - Major League Baseball Spring Training Rockies host Oakland: Tue Mar 10, 2:10 pm Cleveland hosts Rockies: Wed Mar 11, 2:05 pm Angels host Rockies: Thu Mar 12, 2:05 pm Rockies host San Francisco: Fri Mar 13, 2:10 pm Rockies host Seatle: Sat Mar 14, 2:10 pm Dodgers host Rockies: Sun Mar 15, 2:05 pm Arizona hosts Rockies: Mon Mar 16, 2:05 pm Rockies host Kansas City: Tue Mar 17, 2:10 pm Dodgers host Rockies: Thu Mar 19, 2:05 pm Rockies host Texas: Fri Mar 20, 2:10 pm Texas hosts Rockies: Sat Mar 21, 2:05 pm Rockies host Cleveland: Sun Mar 22, 2:10 pm Rockies host Milwaukee: Mon Mar 23, 2:10 pm Cubs host Rockies: Tue Mar 24, 2:05 pm Angels host Rockies: Wed Mar 25, 2:05 pm Colorado Rapids - Major League Soccer Denver Outlaws - Major League Lacrosse Denver Broncos - National Football League
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Page 6
A Cool Breeze
The sun is slipping into the ocean. The temperature is warm and a cool breeze stirs. Life is good. We celebrate life in many different ways; weddings, family reunions, office parties, and special birthdays. It’s times like these when a good meal makes for a great occasion. “Food is my passion.” Says Mr. Michael Grigsby, Owner and Chief Culinarian of A Cool Breeze Catering. “When the food is just right it makes the celebration more special. It’s my goal to ensure that each event I cater is exceptional.”
March 09, 2009
Many people believe that catering is for high-end events such as weddings, but Mr. Grigsby points out the benefits of catering. “The cost to cater an event such as holiday parties, summer picnics, office parties and other get togethers is not as much as some people might believe. Catering can be highly cost effective.” Think of all the time and money you spend cooking everything you need for that event. Now think of all the time and money you can save by hiring a caring, professional caterer.
8:00 pm, or visit their web site: www. ACoolBreezeCatering.com today to save 10% off your next event. “Unlike many other catering companies, A Cool Breeze does not limit itself to any one type of cuisine.” Says Mr. Grigsby. “We can prepare whatever type of cuisine you’d like; American, Latin, Asian, Vegetarian, Polynesian; you name it – we’ll make it.”
Mr. Grigsby has the culinary background to back up his goal. “I’ve held many positions in my 24 year career.” states Mr. Grigsby. He has worked for many prestigious establishments such as the 5 Star Broadmoor Hotel in Colorado Springs as well as being the personal chef for the Denver Broncos for the entire 2003 season including training camp to season’s end. It was one of the highlights of his career. He’s rubbed elbows with the likes of Shannon Sharpe, Ed McCaffrey and Clinton Portis.
Mr. Grigsby points out another benefit of catering your event, “We are a FULL SERVICE catering company.” Meaning they bring it in, set it up and when it’s over they tear it down and take it away. Yes – “We want to make life’s events happy and trash and all! memorable ones. We want to make them A Cool Breeze has themed buffets A Cool Breeze.” that come complete with themed party A Cool Breeze Catering is your full accoutrements, such as sombreros for the service catering specialists for all of your Ole Buffet and horseshoe shaped serving events, including weddings. Now serving tables for the Horseshoe Buffet. Boxed lunches for any occasion starting at
Mr. Grigsby’s team of culinarians was carefully assembled by simply choosing those individuals he worked with previously throughout his career that share the same passion for the culinary arts as he does.
A Cool Breeze Catering wishes you a “Breezy Day”.
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Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
March 09, 2009
WEEKLY FUNNIES
By Samantha Weaver
• It was politician, liberal commentator and former comedian Al Franken who gave the following sage advice: “When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both.” • Statistics show that for every 71,000 skydiving jumps made, there is only one fatality. That might not seem surprising until you put it in context: You have a one in 20,000 chance of dying from a regular fall right here on solid ground. • If someone were to ask you to name the sunniest spot on Earth, you might be tempted to answer “the Sahara Desert” or some other such exotic place. You would be wrong, though; that distinction belongs to a town right here in America. Out of the possible 4,456 daylight hours each year, the sun shines for an average of 4,050 in Yuma, Ariz. That means that there’s cloud cover or rain for only about 10 percent of the time there. • Floridians are, unfortunately, familiar with large cockroaches, sometimes called palmetto bugs down South. While the bugs may inspire disgust, however, we should be glad we don’t have to deal with their Paleozoic-era ancestors. Those who study such things say that cockroaches back then were the size of today’s house cats. • During the 19th century, first lady Lucy Hayes, wife of Rutherford B. Hayes, the 19th president of the United States, was widely known as “Lemonade Lucy.” It seems she was an ardent supporter of temperance and therefore didn’t allow alcohol to be served in the White House during her husband’s four years in office. (c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
Thought for the Day: “Whatever a man prays for, he prays for a miracle. Every prayer reduces itself to this: Great God, grant that twice two be not four.” -- Ivan Turgenev
As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald’s one day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, “We should pray.” From the back seat I heard his earnest request: “Please, God, don’t let those cars block the entrance to McDonald’s.” I’d like the number for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Virginia,” the young man said to the 411 operator. “There are multiple listings for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Virginia,” the operator said. “Do you have a street name?” The young man hesitated a moment, “Well, uh, most people call me Bubba.” “What happened to you?” asked the bystander of the man lying on the sidewalk outside of the beauty parlor. The man shook his head groggily and rubbed his bruised chin. “Well, the last thing I remember was my wife coming out of the beauty salon. I took one look at her and said, ‘Well, Honey, ... at least you tried.’”
Page 7
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delighted. “It’s your account, darling,” her mother said as they arrived at the bank, “so you fill out the application.” Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for ‘Name of your former bank.’ After a slight hesitation, she put down ‘Piggy.’ A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious the man rowed over and asked, “What is the mirror for?” “That’s my secret way to catch fish,” said the other man. “Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down, net them and pull them into the boat.” “Wow! Does that really work?” “You bet it does.” “Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I’ll give you $30 for it.” “Well, okay.” After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, “By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?” “You’re the sixth,” he said.
For our mid-term examination, our Professor wanted us to sign a form stating that we had not received any outside assistance. Unsure of whether he should sign the form, one student stated that he had prayed for the assistance of God. The Professor carefully studied the student’s answers to the test and then said, “You can sign it with a clear conscience. God did not assist you.” The children were lined up in the cafeteria A man walks into the sheriff’s office.... “I of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. want to become a deputy!” “Good, I want At the head of the table was a large pile of to you to catch this man,” says the sher- apples. The nun made a note, and posted iff handing the man a wanted poster. The on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is poster reads: ‘Last seen wearing a brown watching.” Moving further along the lunch paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper line, at the other end of the table was a large pants, and brown paper boots.’ “What’s he pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had wanted for?” asked the hopeful young man. written a note, “Take all you want. God is “Rustling.” watching the apples.” A woman whose fondness for the good life had taken its toll in added pounds - and girth - was being shown a Jeep by a salesman at an auto dealership. When the salesman’s pitch had run its course, he sought to close with the typical line, “Now what would it take to get you into one of these?” Looking at the Jeep’s high front seat, the woman replied, “Probably a crowbar.” A mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something ‘practical’ for her birthday. “Suppose we open a savings account for you?” the mother suggested. Cathy was
WEEKLY ANSWERS
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”
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Laugh Lines! Children’s Answers to Science Exam Questions
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.
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March 09, 2009
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