Denver Metro Area March 16, 2009
Issue #1079
Published by Mountain View Publishing, LLC
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SPRING FORWARD by Marcy Stephens
Spring is finally in the air… or at least it’s coming up on the calendar. Join us as we shake off those winter cobwebs and present some tips, trivia and Tidbits for the blooming season!
• In many areas of the U.S., spring weather means homeowners returning outdoors to tend to their lawns and gardens. If you haven’t used your lawn mower since last fall, make sure you clean the spark plugs before firing it up. While you’re at it, check all the nuts and bolts and make sure they’re tight. The vibration of the mower tends to loosen them just a bit with each use. And as you can imagine, you don’t want a mower to come flying apart during use. • Last year, more than 15,000 children were treated for lawn-mower-related injuries in emergency rooms. Never let a child accompany you on a riding mower; it’s built for one adult occupant. It’s safest to keep kids completely out of the area when you’re mowing. Items hidden in the grass can be as devastating as bullets when flung by a mower’s powerful blades. Finally, wear enclosed shoes when operating a mower. Flip-flops and sandals leave your feet vulnerable, and tend to slip and slide on freshly-mown grass. • In many states, spring is also known as flood season. Floods are vicious, unpredictable events, and your only defense is to be prepared. Experts recommend that anyone living in a flood plain have some form of flood insurance. And don’t wait too long; such policies take an average of 30 days to go into effect. Most standard homeowner policies do not cover flood damage. Since your home holds much of your personal and financial security, it’s vital to protect the investment.
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Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
Page 2 SPRING FORWARD (continued)
if necessary to clear the obstructions. You can also place a tarp on the ground to catch all the leaves, twigs, and birds’ nests that you scoop out.
March 16, 2009
Real Estate Investor?
• If you use winter-specific tires on your We provide you vehicle during the colder months, now is peace of mind a good time to switch back to all-season • If your dog is not on a year-round hearttires. Snow tires are crafted from a softWe are YOUR worm preventative medication, take him er rubber compound than normal tires, Residential Property to the vet this spring for a quick blood test. so they’re ill-suited for warmer weather. Management Specialists If he’s healthy, your veterinarian will preThey’ll become noisy, they’ll wear out Award Winning Customer Service! scribe a monthly dose of heartworm pills more quickly, and they’ll reduce your auto keep him that way. Also, if your dog Ala Carte Services depending on your needs tomobile’s fuel efficiency. It’s best to store has not been spayed or neutered, now is Renting? We’ll help you locate the perfect snow tires in a cool, dark, dry place, such the time to keep him on a leash anytime home... FREE! as the basement. he’s outdoors. Humans aren’t the only Call Today! • In most areas of the U.S., the underbody ones seeking romance in the spring, and Office: (303) 766--7620 of an automobile driven over the winter we all want to do our part to control the Cell: (720) 320--7711 tends to accumulate some combination pet population. of dirt, grime, dead vegetation, and road • Don’t wait until the first day the thermomsalt. Now that the weather has gotten a was I thinking when I bought this?” Both eter hits 90 degrees to clean your air conbit warmer, it’s time to give your car or the Salvation Army and Goodwill Indusditioners. Disconnect the power to the truck a thorough bath. If you don’t have tries are always on the lookout for items of outdoor condenser of your unit, and clear the time or energy to do it yourself, ask clothing – notably school wear for youngaway any leaves or other debris with a a car wash professional to give it a good sters, professional style business clothes power blower or vacuum cleaner. Believe bumper-to-bumper and top-to-bottom that adults can wear to job interviews, and it or not, one of the most common misscrubbing. Washing away the winter irrishoes (particularly in children’s sizes). takes folks make with their window air tants will help not only to preserve your Please consider making a tax-deductible conditioners is forgetting to remove the car’s paint job, but its overall resale valclothing donation while you’re purging protective winter cover before turning it ue. items from your closet! on. This can completely burn out an AC • This is • Daylight Saving Time began on March 9. unit, resulting in expensive repairs. the seaHave you already moved all your clocks • The ritual of “spring cleaning” dates son when forward an hour? And replaced the batterback to the days when homes were lit felines ies in your home’s smoke alarms and carwith candles and kerosene lamps, and b e g i n bon monoxide alarms? And turned and/ heated with burning wood or oil. By the to shed or rotated the mattresses on your home’s time spring arrived, the smoke and ash their winbeds? These are three tasks that many accumulated during the winter necessiter coats. choose to tackle on the day DST begins, tated a complete scrubbing of the house, Use a so if you “missed the boat,” it’s not too as well as its draperies and linens. Once comb to brush your cat daily, both to prelate to get on board. most homes were updated with modern vent hairballs and to reduce the amount heating systems, spring cleaning contin- • April 15th is looming, so if you’ve yet to of stray fur that ends up on floors and file your taxes, why not beat the rush by ued on as a seasonal ritual. The chore furniture. If you’re into “natural recycling,” assembling your receipts and necessary list grew to include packing away one’s take the fur that you remove from your papers now? If you’re throwing away old winter wardrobe. pet comb and set it outside for wild birds financial records, ensure your privacy by • While you’re hanging up your warm to pick up and use as nesting material. shredding these papers. The IRS recomweather wardrobe, you might find a few • Designate the beginning of spring as the mends keeping at least three years of garments that no longer fit. You may also one time each year that you pull your redocumentation handy, should any quessee an item or two and wonder, “What frigerator away from the wall. Don’t do it tions arise down the line. just for the exercise, of course. Take advantage of the situation by vacuuming the coils and sweeping out from under the fridge. This is crucial if you own a dog or cat, as the fur they shed tends to accumulate there. It can force your refrigerator to work overtime, which reduces the appliance’s life while increasing its use of electricity (and, hence, your power bill). • Gutters tend to collect debris over the autumn and winter. Before those April showers arrive, it’s a good idea to clear them out. Plant a good, steady ladder on level ground, and use a long-handled rake
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1. TELEVISION: In “Gilmore Girls,” what was the name of the inn?
Page 3
• On March 16, 1802, the United States Military Academy -- the first military school in the United States -- is founded by Congress for the purpose of educating and training young men in the theory and practice of military science. Located at West Point, N.Y., the U.S. Military Academy is often known simply as West Point.
2. LANGUAGE: Who would rule in a kleptocracy? 3. MEDICAL: What does the acronym stand for in the term “CAT scan”? 4. MUSIC: Who sang the theme song to “The Beverly Hillbillies”? 5. GEOGRAPHY: The island of Mauritius is located in which body of water?
• On March 20, 1852, Harriet Beecher Stowe’s anti-slavery novel, “Uncle Tom’s Cabin,” is published. It sells 300,000 copies within three months. While living in Cincinnati, Stowe encountered fugitive slaves and the Underground Railroad. Later, she wrote “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” in reaction to recently tightened fugitive slave laws.
6. HISTORY: Which U.S. state was the last to secede in the Civil War and the first to be readmitted to the union? 7. PHOBIAS: What is the name of the phobia in which you fear peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth? 8. FOOD & DRINK: What is hardtack? 9. ANIMAL KINGDOM: What kind of creature was the now-extinct quagga?
• On March 22, 1908, Louis L’Amour, the prolific author of scores of bestselling Western novels, is born in Jamestown, N.D. His big break came when a novel he wrote at the age of 46 became the basis for the popular John Wayne movie “Hondo.”
10. CHEMISTRY: What is the more common name for sodium bicarbonate?
Answers 1. Dragonfly Inn 2. Those who make flagrantly dishonest use of official positions for personal gain 3. Computerized Axial Tomography 4. Jerry Scoggins, backed by musicians Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs. 5. Indian Ocean 6. Tennessee 7. Arachibutyrophobia 8. A saltless, hard biscuit 9. Half zebra, half horse 10. Baking soda
• On March 18, 1925, the worst tornado in U.S. history passes through eastern Missouri, southern Illinois and southern Indiana, killing 695 people, injuring some 13,000 people and causing $17 million in property damage. Known as the “TriState Tornado,” the deadly twister spent more than three hours on the ground and traveled at speeds in excess of 70 mph -- unsurpassed in U.S. history.
(c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
• On March 17, 1931, radio star Kate Smith debuts her first program. The show launched performers like Abbott and Costello and introduced songs like Irving Berlin’s “God Bless America,” which she sang on Armistice Day in 1938.
Quips & Quotes “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” —Martin Luther King, Jr. “I love argument, I love debate. I don’t expect anyone just to sit there and agree with me, that’s not their job.” —Margaret Thatcher The problem with winter sports is that follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter. —Dave Barry
• On March 19, 1971, the Italian American Civil Rights League announces a truce with the producers of “The Godfather.” Upset at the portrayal of Italian Americans as gangsters, the League persuaded the producers not to use the words “Mafia” or “Cosa Nostra.” • On March 21, 1980, President Jimmy Carter informs a group of U.S. athletes that, in response to the December 1979 Soviet incursion into Afghanistan, the United States will boycott the 1980 Olympics in Moscow. It marked the first and only time that the United States has boycotted the Olympics. (c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
Page 4
WeddingBits
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When communication between a married couple breaks down, it’s often because the communication team has committed what can be called a “foul.” A foul occurs when two people go from speaking and listening respectfully into trading put downs, blaming, and sometimes, attempting to punish their partner with silence. When this happens, the whole team loses, because the course of communication becomes about winning an argument instead of finding a mutually favorable resolution. As you practice your communication skills, be careful to not commit these common mistakes: Foul #1: Criticism Criticism is not always a negative thing. When it is not constructive however, it can lead to partners verbally attacking each other. Using criticism in communication implies that a problem or issue is the other person’s fault which may in fact be the case. Assigning blame to the other person through criticizing remarks though, places the listener on the defensive. Foul #2: Sarcasm and Cynicism Sarcasm and cynicism in communication go beyond criticism by adding put downs or demeaning sentiments that are directed to the listener. Together, they convey what appears to be dislike or contempt for the other person. This is likely the worst foul to commit because it can lead to a poisonous cycle of increased, hurtful conflict. Foul #3: The Counter Attack It’s natural to want to either fight or try to escape when feeling threatened or attacked. Scientists call it the fight or flight response. When on a communication team, the counter attack further fuels an already burning fire. It can prolong a conflict by preventing the real issue from being discussed Foul #4: The Silent Treatment You are likely familiar with this negative tactic. The silent treatment describes when one person makes a conscious decision to stop talking to their partner. In conflict, this is often done out of spite. As the saying goes, silence can be deafening! Because communication is a team sport, when one person stops talking or listening, no communication can happen. Sometimes the silent treatment can signal that one person has had enough of the conversation or that they’ve reached their limit. This can be a signal that its time to take a break from the discussion. Like learning any new skill, practicing and incorporating these “rules” may seem silly, or unnatural at first. The key is to keep trying to incorporate the techniques into your communication, particularly when things are going well. Fine tune your skills by attending a Healthy Marriage Project Workshop or by visiting www.marry-well.org.
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March 16, 2009
Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
Page 5
Caroline’s Interior Consignments
Events MicroChip Your Cat - FREE: September 2008 - September 2009 (as long as supplies last); Various veterinary hospitals and clinics across the metro area. 150,000 cats metrowide will receive free microchips! Visit www. ChipYourCat.com for details. 35th Annual Denver March PowWow: March 20 - March 22, 2009: The Denver Coliseum, Denver. Doors open Friday - Sunday 10:00 am. The Denver March Pow Wow Committee, on behalf of the Denver Indian community, invites all dancers, singers, traders, spectators and powwow fans to their 25th annual powwow. Enjoy dancing, singing, crafts, artisans, frybread and more. $7 per day or $18 for a three day pass. Seniors ages 60+ and children under 6 years of age are FREE! www. DenverMarchPowWow.org 6th Annual Weekend of Jazz: March 26 March 28, 2009: The Broadmoor, Colorado Springs. Grammy Award winning guitarist, Earl Klugh, annually invites jazz and music enthusiasts to a unique, luxurious getaway at the Five Star, Five Diamond Broadmoor Resort. Patti Austin, Spyro Gyra, Jesse, J, Bob James, R ‘n’ R (Rick Braun and Richard Elliot), and more. Tickets now on sale! www. WeekendOfJazz.com 3rd Annual RootsFest - Formerly Known as the Denver Folk and Roots Music Festival: March 28, 2009; Ellie Caulkins Opera House, 1477 Columbine St, Denver. $55 - $125. Saturday 6:00 pm. Headlining - Bluegrass legends Hot Rize, multi-Grammy winner singer/ songwriter Shawn Colvin, and acclaimed guitar virtuoso Leo Kottke. www.SwallowHillMusic.org Bikers Against Diabetes: May 17, 2009; Fraternal Order of Eagles, 1151 S Galena St, Denver. $20 Single/$10 Passenger (includes Lunch) Benefits Children’s Hospital Diabetes Research. www.EagleRiders3224.com or call (303) 695-0673. Parker Country Festival: June 12, 2009 June 14, 2009; Town of Parker, Main Street. FREE Admission - Individual activies such as carnival rides will have costs. Carnival, 150 arts and craft/Commercial vendors, kids’ activities, two stages of free entertainment and a parade. Friday 5:00 pm - 11:00 pm. Saturdy 9:00 am 11:00 pm. Sunday 9:00 am - 10:00 pm. www. ParkerOnLine.org Jazz Aspen Snowmass Festival: June 18, 2009 - June 28, 2009; Snowmass Village Resort, Snowmass Colorado. Ticket Information to be announced. NEW VENUE! Show Times To Be Announced. Music, Food, Friends and Fun. The festival will showcase multiple performances featuring this year’s brilliant group of JAS Academy artists at a variety of clubs. www.SnowmassVillage.com Coolest Car Show: July 4, 2009; 10:00 am - 4:00 pm. Downtown Estes Park, between West Elkhorn Ave and Moraine Ave, Estes Park Colorado. Ticket Information - $4 Adult, $2 children and students, FREE under 6 yrs old, OR BRING THE FAMILY FOR JUST $10! Proceeds benefit the Estes Park Museum. The Coolest Car Show will feature over 100 vintage vehicles from the 1920s and beyond. Car show will take place in Bond Park and throughout the Downtown area. Close up inspection of the cars is encouraged! Information and to register your car: www.EstesParkcvb.com
Free Events
Bus Tour of the Golden Triangle Art/ Museum District - First Friday of every month free, 5 - 9 pm. Ballet Arts Theatre, 816 Acoma St, Denver 303-825-7570 www.pnfproductions.com Children’s Museum - Free admission first Tuesday evening of the month, 4 - 8pm 2121 Children’s Museum Drive www.cmdenver.org Colorado Railroad Museum - Check the web site for free days. www.crrm.org 17155 W. 44th Avenue, Golden 303-279-4591 CU In Broomfield World Music Series - Free concerts 2nd Wed of every month, 7pm Broomfield Auditorium, 3 Community Park Road, 303-469-3301 x7999 www.broomfield.org Denver Art Museum - First Sat of every month free to Colo residents, 10am - 5pm 100 West 14th Avenue Parkway www.denverartmuseum.org Denver Botanic Gardens - Free day: First Friday of each month, 9am - 5pm 1005 York Street, 720-865-3500 www.botanicgardens.org Denver Museum of Nature & Science - 2009 Free days: Wed Mar 18, Sun Apr 19, Sun May 31, Wed Jun 10, Mon Jul 13, Wed Aug 12, Sun Sep 13, Sun Oct 4, Mon Nov 2, Sun Nov 22. 2001 Colorado Boulevard, 303-322-7009 www. dmns.org Firehouse Tales For Tots- Denver Firefighters Museum 1356 Tremont Pl, (303) 892-1436. First Wednesday of each month 10:00 am - 10:30 am. Ages 2-6 Museum of Contemporary Art - First Saturday of every month - Admission: 1 penny 1275 19th St, Denver 303-298-7554 www.mcartdenver.org U.S. Mint - Free: Mon - Fri; 8am - 3pm; reservations encouraged 320 West Colfax Ave., 303-405-4761 www.usmint.gov
Sports
Colorado Avalanche - NHL Wild host Avalanche: Tue Mar 17, 6:00 pm Avalanche hosts Oilers: Thu Mar 19, 7:00 pm Sharks host Avalanche: Sun Mar 22, 6:00 pm Avalanche hosts Ducks: Wed Mar 25, 7:00 pm Avalanche hosts Canucks: Fri Mar 27, 7:00 pm Ducks host Avalanche: Sun Mar 29, 6:00 pm Denver Nuggets - NBA Nuggets host New Jersey: Mon Mar 16, 7:00 pm Memphis hosts Nuggets: Wed Mar 18, 6:00 pm Nuggets host Washington: Fri Mar 20, 7:00 pm Phoenix hosts Nuggets: Mon Mar 23, 8:00 pm New Orleans hosts Nuggets: Wed Mar 25, 6 pm Dallas hosts Nuggets: Fri Mar 27, 6:30 pm Nuggets host Golden State: Sat Mar 28, 7 pm Nuggets host New York: Tue Mar 31, 7:00 pm Colorado Mammoth - Natl Lacrosse League Calgary hosts Mammoth: Sat Mar 21, 7:30 pm Mammoth hosts Minnesota: Sun Mar 22, 6:00 pm Philadelphia hosts Mammoth: Sat Mar 28, 5:30pm Colorado Rockies - Major League Baseball Spring Training Arizona hosts Rockies: Mon Mar 16, 2:05 pm Rockies host Kansas City: Tue Mar 17, 2:10 pm Dodgers host Rockies: Thu Mar 19, 2:05 pm Rockies host Texas: Fri Mar 20, 2:10 pm Texas hosts Rockies: Sat Mar 21, 2:05 pm Rockies host Cleveland: Sun Mar 22, 2:10 pm Rockies host Milwaukee: Mon Mar 23, 2:10 pm Cubs host Rockies: Tue Mar 24, 2:05 pm Angels host Rockies: Wed Mar 25, 2:05 pm Rockies host Dodgers: Thu Mar 26, 2:10 pm Seattle hosts Rockies: Fri Mar 27, 2:05 pm Rockies host Cubs: Sat Mar 28, 2:10 pm Oakland hosts Rockies: Sun Mar 29, 2:05 pm Rockies host Arizona: Mon Mar 30, 2:10 pm White Socks host Rockies: Tue Mar 31, 2:05 pm Kansaas City hosts Rockies: Wed Apr 1, 2:05 pm Arizona hosts Rockies: Thu Apr 2, 1:05 pm Seattle hosts Rockies: Fri Apr 3, 8:05 pm Rockies host Seattle: Sat Apr 4, 1:10 pm SEASON OPENER Arizona hosts Rockies Mon Apr 6, 1:40 pm, Tue Apr 7, 7:40 pm and Wed Apr 8 1:40 pm Colorado Rapids - Major League Soccer Denver Outlaws - Major League Lacrosse Denver Broncos - National Football League
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Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
Page 6
Become A Landlord – The Easy Way
Renting and leasing homes is now more popular than ever. If you’ve thought about leasing your home but don’t like the idea of dealing with some of the issues that arise, there is a solution for you. Aaron Tucker, Owner of American Advantage Real Estate Services, offers a word of advice for would-be land lords. “Know your rights and the rights of your tenants. One of the headaches of renting property can be not knowing what the law says about a particular aspect of your situation.” Mr. Tucker suggests that unless you are secure with your knowledge of Colorado and Federal law regarding renting and tenants’ rights, that you consult or hire a management service. Mr. Tucker also advises to pay only for services you require. “American Advantage is an ala carte management agency. We do as little or as much management service as you require. This helps keep your costs low and provides you with only the services you need.” Some management companies require that they provide all maintenance and service to the property. This means that if the carpet needs cleaning, the service company takes care of it
Dear Tidbits Readers: Tidbits - Denver Metro Area can now place your display or classified ad in over 300 papers across the country! Papers such as: American Classifieds; Penny Saver; Thrifty Nickel; and other Tidbit publications throughout the USA. There is no need to contact each paper individually to place an ad. PRIVATE PARTY ADS - start at $12.00 per week for the first 20 words and 35 cents for each additional word. B U S I N E S S / COMMERCIAL ADS - start at $18.00 per week for the first 20 words and 35 cents for each additional word. Email us at Classifieds@ TidbitsOfDenver.com or call us at (303) 688-1987 to place your ad today
– it also means they will charge you for it with a marked up price tag. If you are comfortable with cleaning and prepping your property for new tenants, or can handle small repairs on your own, a management company such as American Advantage is for you. “We can provide cleaning and maintenance on your property,” says Mr. Tucker, “but we don’t require our clients to use those services. It’s YOUR property – YOU decide.” Another factor to look into when choosing a management company is flexibility and services provided. Some management services will only handle the on-site management of the property itself; driving by once a month to make sure the lawn is mowed or painting and cleaning between clients. Other companies will provide services only to people with 4 properties or more, HOAs or houses and not condos or townhomes. American Advantage provides multileveled services for all types of owners. “We provide services for all types of homes,” says Mr. Tucker. “Houses, condos, town homes, multi-units – whether you own one property or an apartment complex; we can handle as little or as much of the management needs you require.” Do you prefer to be an “Absent” land
Email Classifieds@TidbitsOfDenver.com
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March 16, 2009
lord? American Advantage can be your full service management company from marketing your property, screening applicants, initiating back ground checks, collecting rent, cleaning, maintaining, and repairing the property. “You buy the property, we do all the work.” states Mr. Tucker. If you prefer to be more hands on, American Advantage is there to help with legal questions and assistance, mortgage options and other minor issues that arise. As little or as much as you need – American Advantage Real Estate Services is YOUR Award Winning Residential Management Specialists. Mr. Aaron Tucker can be reached directly by calling (303) 766-7620 or by emailing ATucker@AmericanAdvantageCo.com. Call or email today, or visit their web site www.AmericanAdvatageCo.com. Mr. Tucker will provide you with the optimal solution for your rental property.
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Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
March 16, 2009
WEEKLY FUNNIES
By Samantha Weaver
• It was Scott Adams, best known as the creator of the “Dilbert” comic strip, who made the following observation: “Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you’re a consultant.” • Many people believe that 24-karat gold is pure, but that’s not true -- it has a small amount of copper blended with the gold. The reason is practical: Pure gold is so soft that if you were to find an absolutely pure sample, you would be able to mold it with your bare hands. • You may be surprised to learn that the third president of the United States, Thomas Jefferson, was more than a revolutionary leader and politician -- he was also an inventor. One of his creations was the dumbwaiter. • Do you suffer from misoneism? Quite a few people these days seem to. It’s a hatred or fear of change or innovation. • If you’ve got extra money on your hands -- a lot of extra money! -- the next time you’re updating your wardrobe, you might take a look at Escada’s couture line of jeans, which, with prices starting at $7,500, is the most expensive in the world. • During the Revolutionary War, the British hired mercenary Hessian soldiers to fight for them against the colonists. The reward for putting life and limb at risk for a cause not theirs? A grand total of 25 cents per day. • Attention fisherfolk: If you happen to catch and gut the species known as the garfish, you’ll find green bones inside it. (c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
Thought for the Day: “The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.” -- Jean Kerr
A piece of pavement walked into a bar. It gruffly ordered a beer, drank it down in one gulp, slammed his money on the counter, and then left. “Whew!” sighed the bartender. “That was a close one!” “Why?” asked another customer. “That guy that was just here? He’s a cycle path.” My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew. After I had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, “You mean you can do all that, but you can’t operate my Game Boy?”
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walked on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars, we even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing ... and uh....” Taking advantage of a pause in the student’s litany, the old geezer said, “You’re right. We didn’t “I’d love to drive a big rig,” I told my uncle, have those things when we were young; so a truck driver, “but I’d worry about driving we invented them, you little twit! What are down the road some late night and falling YOU doing for the next generation?” asleep at the wheel.” “Here’s a tip to stay A new hair salon opened up for business awake,” he offered. “Put a $100 bill in your right across the street from the old estableft hand and hold it out the window.” lished hair cutters’ place. They put up a big My friend, the manager of a grocery bold sign which read: “We give seven dollar store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He hair cuts!” Not to be outdone, the old master was escorting the suspect to the office in the barber put up his own sign: “We fix seven front of the store (near the cash registers), dollar hair cuts!” when the shoplifter broke from his grip and A passenger jet was suffering through a setried to run. After a scuffle, my friend pinned vere thunderstorm. As the passengers were him against the wall and looked up to see being bounced around by the turbulence, several surprised customers staring at him. a young woman turned to a minister sitting “Everything’s fine,” he reassured. “This guy next to her and with a nervous laugh asked, just tried to go through the express line with “Reverend, you’re a man of God, can’t you more than ten items.” do something about this storm?” To which “You just go ahead,” the man in the shop- he replied, “Lady, I’m in sales, not manageping mall said to his wife. “While you’re shop- ment.” ping, I’ll just browse in the hardware store.” An hour later, she returned and saw him at the checkout counter. The clerk was ringing up the last of a basket full of tools and supplies. “Are you buying all this?” his wife asked incredulously. “Well, yes,” he said, embarrassed. Then waving his arm toward Let us help you! the interior of the store, he added, “But look s Cleaning (one-time, maintenance, moving) at all the stuff I’m leaving behind.” One day a little girl came home from s Concierge Services school, and said to her mother, “Mommy, to- s Even Handyman Services!
You Do NOT have to do EVERYTHING!
day in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.” The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?” The little girl replied, “My homework.” A college student at a recent football game challenged a senior citizen sitting next to him, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his. “You grew up in a different world,” the student said loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. “Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, man has
WEEKLY ANSWERS
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Laugh Lines! Some Short Truths About Life...
Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area • Be careful reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re going to like it. • Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
• The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket
• Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
• Do you realize that in about 40 years we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
• Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.
• The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. • Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail. • If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all
wheelchairs.
• No one has more driving ambition than a boy who wants to buy a car. • There are no new sins....the old ones just get more publicity. • There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number. • Think about this. No one ever says, “It’s only a game” when his team is winning. • After a certain age, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.
• How come it takes so little time for • Seat a child who is afraid of the dark to belts are not become a teenager who wants to as confining as stay out all night?
• A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
• Money can’t buy happiness but some how, it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.
• I’ve reached the age where the happy • Change is inevitable, except from a hour is a nap. vending machine.
March 16, 2009
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