Denver Metro Area May 11, 2009
Issue #1087
Published by Mountain View Publishing, LLC
FOR ADVERTISING CALL (303) 688-1987
TIDBITSÂŽ INVESTIGATES SOME POPULAR
URBAN LEGENDS by Sarah Bates
Info@TidbitsOfDenver.com
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Did your mother ever tell you “No swimming for at least an hour!â€? after you ate lunch? Did you hear the one about the kid who ate Pop Rocks after he drank a soda? Thought they were fishy sounding? Check out what we learned: • #1: Chewing gum takes seven years to digest. FALSE. Chewing gum moves along at the same rate as everything else. There have been some strange digestive cases, but only in children under the age of four who swallowed numerous pieces of gum a day over a period of years. • #2: Hair grows back darker and thicker after you shave it. FALSE. If this were true, balding and graying men could just shave their heads and solve the problem!
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• #3: Don’t swim for at least an hour after eating or you will get cramps and drown! FALSE. Cramps while swimming can happen regardless of whether or not you’ve just eaten – and they usually happen in your arms and legs, not your stomach. If you do get a cramp, stay calm and float until help arrives or the cramp subsides.
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Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
Page 2 URBAN LEGENDS (continued) • #4: Change your shampoo regularly or your hair will build up a resistance to it. FALSE. Your hair doesn’t build up a resistance to shampoo. If you are noticing a difference, test your water. It could be too hard or soft. • #5: Brushing your hair 100 strokes before bedtime will make it shinier and healthier. FALSE. Brushing too much, too hard or with the wrong brush can cause damage to your hair or your scalp. • #6: Wearing a hat too much will make you go bald. FALSE. H a i r loss is caused by genetics, stress and poor health, not your hat. • #7: Here are some useful tips to remove a tick: Touch it with a lit match, rub it with a cotton swab covered in liquid soap, twist it off, etc. FALSE. The best way to remove a tick is to grab it by the head with a pair tweezers and pull it straight out. Don’t forget to clean with soap and water and treat with an antibiotic ointment. • #8: Coca-Cola products originally contained cocaine. TRUE. Coca-Cola did once contain trace amounts of cocaine, but Coca-Cola products with cocaine were no longer produced after the 1930s. • #9: A tooth or nail left in Coca-Cola will disintegrate over night. FALSE. While not true, anything containing too many sugars, like sodas, can weaken the enamel of your teeth over time. Remember to limit your sugary food and beverage intake and brush your teeth daily. • #10: If you eat Pop Rocks and drink a soda, your stomach will swell and possibly explode. FALSE. Pop Rocks generate less gas than half of one can of soda. In the absolute worst-case scenario, you will end up with a nice, healthy burp. • # 11: Dropped food is okay to eat if you pick it up within five seconds. FALSE. Once it’s been dropped, it’s been dropped. Anything that is dropped on the floor will pick up just as many germs in that first tenth of a second as it does after five. • #12: The playground ball pits at fast food restaurants are home to venomous snakes and drug paraphernalia. FALSE. There has never been any report of injury or death in a playground ball pit due to snakes, drug needles, etc. If either story were true, they would have garnered intense media coverage.
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May 11, 2009
• #13: Rice is bad for birds. You shouldn’t GET IT ‘N‛ Go throw it at a wedding. FALSE. A bird could A Team with over 10 years Experience just as soon eat rice in a field as it could Deliveries / Moves / Shuffles on a sidewalk after a wedding. Their little Loading and Unloading bird tummies will not swell or explode. Licensed/Bonded/Insured • #14: Please forward this email to all your Fast & Friendly friends and family! It is being tracked. For More Info Please Call every forward, a well known corporation 720-447-5862 will donate five cents towards cancer re- GetItNGo@Live.com search. FALSE. It’s virtually impossible to track an email from forwarding alone. O N E F R E E H O U R ! KidsTown Drop-In Child This goes the same for most email chain Care Center, Inc. letters. If you are ever unsure about an DENVER AT MAYFAIR email, visit snopes.com, a website dedi303-825-1466 cated to researching hoaxes and urban • Hourly Babysitting in a Licensed Day Care Setting legends. • Open Days, Nights & Late on Weekends! • #15: If everyone boycotted gas stations • Drop-In Anytime - Low Rates - Ages 1 - 13 1305 Krameria St Unit D on the same day, it would drive the price (Mayfair Plaza -NW Corner of Krameria & 13th St) of gas down. FALSE. To make a substanwww.KidsTownCenters.com tial dent in the price of gas, large numbers freeze faster than ice cubes made with of people would have to not buy gas for cold water. FALSE. A tray of hot water an extended period of time. and a tray of cold water will freeze into ice • #16: JELL-O is made from cow hooves. cubes in the same amount of time. TRUE & FALSE. JELL-O isn’t made from cow hooves, but it is made from gela- • #20: Cooking metal objects in the microwave will cause your microwave to extin, a product made from the collagen of plode. FALSE. While it won’t explode, you cows and pigs. Collagen is collected from will severely shorten the lifespan of your bones and skins by an extensive process microwave and probably null the warranthat releases the collagen from the bones, ty, so don’t try this at home. which is then used to make gelatin. • #17: Eating carrots can improve your vi- • #21: Kentucky Fried Chicken was forced to change their name to KFC because sion. FALSE. While carrots do contain they use genetically modified “chickens” Vitamin A, which helps maintain healthy that aren’t considered to be real chickeyesight, eating a lot of carrots will not imens by the FDA. FALSE. KFC changed prove your vision. its name for multiple reasons and mostly • #18: Eating turkey will make you fall because of this: they had started serving asleep. TRUE & FALSE. Turkey does more than just fried chicken and didn’t contain the amino acid tryptophan, which want to be labeled as only serving such. helps the body produce a chemical that They do not have an army of genetically plays a key role in sleep. However, it is modified chickens. produced in such small amounts that eating turkey isn’t going to make you feel • #22: Domesticated turkeys are so stupid that they will look up at the rain and sleepy. When you do get tired after the drown. FALSE. A turkey’s basic instinct is Thanksgiving meal, that sleepy feeling is to huddle to its mother for shelter in the more likely caused by the combined efrain. A domesticated turkey, often without forts of a heavy meal full of carbohydrates a mother, still has this instinct and will not and your digestive system working in high know to get out of the rain, which can lead gear. to death from exposure to the elements. • #19: Ice cubes made with hot water will
May 11, 2009
Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
1. MOVIES: “The Sound of Music” features how many von Trapp children?
• On May 16, 1849, the New York City Board of Health is finally able to establish a hospital to deal with a cholera epidemic that, before it ends, kills more than 5,000 people. The epidemic began in Dec. 1, 1848, when a shipload of passengers arrived from France. On board were the bodies of seven passengers who had died from cholera on the journey.
2. MUSIC: Which 1970s band released the hit “Smoke on the Water”? 3. PRESIDENTS: Who was the first U.S. president to be photographed? 4. ANIMAL KINGDOM: What kind of creature would belong in the order Chelonia? 5. GEOGRAPHY: The island of Grenada is closest to the coast of which South American country? 6. TELEVISION: Who was the longtime host of “Soul Train”? 7. HISTORY: What was an oast house used for? 8. LITERATURE: What was Ernest Hemingway’s first novel? 9. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: To which British queen was the Koh-inoor diamond given? 10. GAMES: What card game is the older game of whist most akin to? Answers 1. Seven 2. Deep Purple 3. John Quincy Adams 4. Turtles, terrapins and tortoises 5. Venezuela 6. Don Cornelius 7. Drying hops used in making beer and ale 8. “The Sun Also Rises” (1926) 9. Queen Victoria 10. Bridge (c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
Page 3
• On May 14, 1913, pitcher Walter “The Big Train” Johnson throws his record 56th consecutive scoreless inning, leading his Washington Senators to victory over the St. Louis Browns, 10-5, at Sportsman’s Park • On May 12, 1925, a Philadelphia radio station broadcasts the first all-star radio program featuring film actors and actresses. Sound films had not yet debuted, and the broadcast marked the first time that most listeners had heard the voices of film stars like Lillian Gish and Marion Davies.
“Vision without action is daydreaming and action without vision is a nightmare.”
• On May 17, 1930, the radio quiz show “Information Please” is first broadcast. Previously, radio quiz shows generally posed difficult questions to ordinary people. “Information Please” assembled a panel of experts and intellectuals and asked them tricky questions. The show ran until 1948. • On May 15, 1941, the jet-propelled Gloster-Whittle E 28/39 aircraft flies successfully over Cranwell, England, in the first test of an Allied aircraft using jet propulsion. Its turbojet engine, which produced a powerful thrust of hot air, was devised by Frank Whittle, an English aviation engineer and pilot generally regarded as the father of the jet engine. • On May 11, 1976, the long-running TV medical drama “Marcus Welby, M.D.” ends. The show, which premiered in 1969, was ABC’s first No. 1 rated series.
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• On May 13, 1985, in Philadelphia, police begin evacuating people from their Osage Avenue homes in order to prepare for an operation against MOVE, a radical cult group that had assembled a large arsenal. By the end of the confrontation, 11 people were dead and 61 homes had burned down. In 1986, a jury awarded $1.5 million to three survivors of the MOVE raid. (c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
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FOR WEEK OF MAY 11, 2009 ARIES (March 21 to April 19) This is a good week to look at healing bruised feelings and re-establishing weakened relationships. It’s also a good week to start new projects and make new job-linked contacts. TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Music and art dominate the week, giving the sensual Bovine a lot to appreciate. On the practical side, deal firmly, but fairly, with those who might try to undermine your work efforts. GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Good feelings continue to flow from your recent efforts to reconnect with family and friends. But be ready to defuse a dispute before it can disrupt all that peace and harmony. CANCER (June 21 to July 22) A practical view of a romanticized situation could help to clarify some of its more confusing aspects before you make a decision that could be tough to undo later on. LEO (July 23 to August 22) Pay more attention to what a recent spate of workplace criticism might say about your performance and not what you think it implies about you personally. Some flexibility might be called for. VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) With new information, and new promises of support (not to mention growing selfconfidence), this could be a good time to restart a project you couldn’t quite handle before. LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Before you decide to close down a problemloaded project and make a fresh start with someone else, try once more to reach a compromise with your balky partner. He or she might surprise you. SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) While you continue earning points for your sharp negotiating skills, be alert for an attempt to undercut your efforts. You’ll need to provide solid facts and figures to stay in the game. SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) A minor health problem might cause you to ease up on your usually busy schedule. But you’ll soon be back in the saddle and ready to pick up the reins and charge ahead. CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) The adventurous Sea Goat might be eager to take on a new challenge. But before you do, you might want to take some time to check out previously overlooked factors. AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) A feeling of being overwhelmed by all that you have to do can be eased by setting priorities. Deal with the most urgent and timesensitive situations first, and then work down the line. PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Creating a calm, peaceful place for yourself in the middle of a roiling emotional whirlpool this week starts when you, and no one else, decide how to make decisions about your life. BORN THIS WEEK: Your determination to stick with your principles wins the admiration of everyone who knows you. (c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
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Quips & Quotes “If you see a friend without a smile; give them one of yours.” - Author Unknown “It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you are.” - Author Unknown
Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
May 11, 2009
Page 5
Caroline’s Interior Consignments NOW IN -
Events
MicroChip Your Cat - FREE: September 2008 - September 2009 (as long as supplies last); Various veterinary hospitals and clinics across the metro area. 150,000 cats metro-wide will receive free microchips! Visit www.ChipYourCat.com for details. Bikers Against Diabetes: May 17, 2009; Fraternal Order of Eagles, 1151 S Galena St, Denver. $20 Single/$10 Passenger (includes Lunch) Benefits Children’s Hospital Diabetes Research. www. EagleRiders3224.com or call (303) 6950673. Tablescapes - Tea and Treasures: June 4, 2009, - June 6, 2009; 1400 Josephine St, Denver. 10:00 am - 4:00 pm Thursday through Saturday. $16 prior to June 1st, $22 after June 1st. Come enjoy a Victorian Tea, Gift Boutique, Amateur Table Setting Competition and Historic House Tours at the Mile High Professional Auxiliary’s 2009 Tablescapes event. All proceeds go to support the programs of the Assistance League of Denver. For more information call (303) 355-2470 or visit www.Denver.AssitanceLeague.org Fuel-Fest: June 12, 2009, - June 14, 2009, May Farms, Byers. A bold new Western festival that merges astonishing music and family entertainment with an extraordinary marketplace of clean technologies and educational workshops. Presented by May Farms in partnership with: The US Department of Energy’s National Renewable Energy Laboratory, Colorado Governor’s Energy Office and the Colorado Department of Agriculture. Music, workshops, market place and expo, hands-on interactive educational activities for kids - such as kite flying - as well as a healthy mix of barnyard fun - hayrides and a petting zoo. For More information visit www.Fuel-Fest.org. Parker Country Festival: June 12, 2009 - June 14, 2009; Town of Parker, Main Street. FREE Admission - Individual activies such as carnival rides will have costs. Carnival, 150 arts and craft/ Commercial vendors, kids’ activities, two stages of free entertainment and a parade. Friday 5:00 pm - 11:00 pm. Saturdy 9:00 am - 11:00 pm. Sunday 9:00 am - 10:00 pm. www.ParkerOnLine.org Jazz Aspen Snowmass Festival: June 18, 2009 - June 28, 2009; Snowmass Village Resort, Snowmass Colorado. Ticket Information to be announced. NEW VENUE! Show Times To Be Announced. Music, Food, Friends and Fun. The festival will showcase multiple performances featuring this year’s brilliant group of JAS Academy artists at a variety of clubs. www.SnowmassVillage.com Coolest Car Show: July 4, 2009; 10:00 am - 4:00 pm. Downtown Estes Park, between West Elkhorn Ave and Moraine Ave, Estes Park Colorado. Ticket Information - $4 Adult, $2 children and students, FREE under 6 yrs old, OR BRING THE FAMILY FOR JUST $10! Proceeds benefit the Estes Park Museum. The Coolest Car Show will feature over 100 vintage vehicles from the 1920s and beyond. Car show will take place in Bond Park and throughout the Downtown area. Close up inspection of the cars is encouraged! Information and to register your car: www.EstesParkcvb.com To Place Your Event in this calendar please e-mail Info@TidbitsOfDenver.com as far ahead of the event as possible.
Free Events
Bus Tour of the Golden Triangle Art/ Museum District - First Friday of every month free, 5 - 9 pm. Ballet Arts Theatre, 816 Acoma St, Denver 303-825-7570 www.pnfproductions.com Children’s Museum - Free admission first Tuesday evening of the month, 4 8pm 2121 Children’s Museum Drive www. cmdenver.org Colorado Railroad Museum - Check the web site for free days. www.crrm.org 17155 W. 44th Avenue, Golden 303-2794591 CU In Broomfield World Music Series - Free concerts 2nd Wed of every month, 7pm Broomfield Auditorium, 3 Community Park Rd, 303-469-3301 x7999 www. broomfield.org Denver Art Museum - First Sat of every month free to CO residents, 10am-5pm 100 West 14th Avenue Parkway www. denverartmuseum.org Denver Botanic Gardens - Free days: July 20, Aug 20, Sep 19, Oct 23; 9am5pm 1005 York St, 720-865-3500 www. botanicgardens.org Denver Museum of Nature & Science - 2009 Free days: Sun May 31, Wed Jun 10, Mon Jul 13, Wed Aug 12, Sun Sep 13, Sun Oct 4, Mon Nov 2, Sun Nov 22. 2001 Colorado Boulevard, 303-322-7009 www. dmns.org Firehouse Tales For Tots- Denver Firefighters Museum 1356 Tremont Pl, (303) 892-1436. First Wednesday of each month 10:00 am - 10:30 am. Ages 2-6 Museum of Contemporary Art - First Saturday of every month - Admission: 1 penny 1275 19th St, Denver 303-2987554 www.mcartdenver.org U.S. Mint - Free: Mon - Fri; 8am - 3pm; reservations encouraged 320 West Colfax Ave., 303-405-4761 www.usmint. gov
Sports
Colorado Rockies - Major League Baseball • Rockies host Houston: Tue May 12, 6:40 pm, Wed May 13, 6:40 pm, Thu May 14, 1:10 pm • Pittsburgh hosts Rockies: Fri May 15, 5:05 pm, Sat May 16, 5:05 pm, Sun May 17, 11:35 am • Atlanta hosts Rockies: Mon May 18, 5:00 pm, Tue May 19, 5:00 pm, Wed May 20, 5:00 pm, Thu May 21, 5:00 pm • Detroit hosts Rockies: Fri May 22, 5:05 pm, Sat May 23, 5:05 pm, Sun May 24, 11:35 am • Rockies host Los Angeles: Mon May 25, 1:10 pm, Tue May 26, 6:40 pm, Wed May 27, 1:10 pm • Rockies host San Diego: Fri May 29, 7:10 pm, Sat May 30 6:10 pm, Sun May 31, 1:10 pm • Houston hosts Rockes: Mon Jun 1, 6:05 pm, Tue Jun 2, 6:05 pm, Wed Jun 3, 6:05 pm, Thu Jun 4, 6:05 pm Colorado Rapids - Major League Soccer • Rapids host Seatlle: Sat May 23, 7:30 pm • New York hosts Rapids: Sat May 30, 5:30 pm Denver Outlaws - Major League Lacrosse • Outlaws host Machine: Sat May 16, 7:00 pm • Boston hosts Outlaws: Fri May 22, 5:30 pm • Outlaws host Bayhawks: Sat May 30, 7:00 pm
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Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
Page 6
Change A Life
We’ve all heard from friends, relatives, and day time talk shows about the criminal who started his or her “life of crime” as a teenaged offender. We think to ourselves, “Where were the parents?” and “That kid could have gone on to be somebody better if just given a little love and guidance.” We know that life is full of choices and we must live with them, but we also realize that kids/teenagers some times do not understand the consequences and instead of learning from mistakes, and progressing in a positive way toward adulthood, they feel abandoned and continue to “mess up”. Wouldn’t it be great to be able to turn back time and help one of these “criminals” when they first messed up, when they were young and all they needed was love, guidance and a second chance? There is a severe shortage right now of adults that want to help troubled children. It takes commitment; time, money, and most importantly, it takes heart – but it’s something each of us can do – and receive monetary compensation – as
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well as the emotional compensation of a troubled teen becoming a shining star in our society. The Denver Area Youth Services (DAYS), states that they are in need of foster homes for Denver area youth that have been placed in “proctor care”. Proctor care is a term used for children in the foster care system that have had problems with the law. The youth are placed in proctor care only after they have demonstrated positive changes that have enabled them to be placed in the community prior to parole. The youth live in the proctor homes from 4 – 6 months prior to parole. Proctor care provides youth with the opportunity to attend public school, work on their GED, be employed, pay off restitution and/or court fines, complete their community service and participate in individual drug and alcohol and family services. An agency case manager works with the proctor families and youth; offering support and case management services for the program to be successful.
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The program provides structured independent living training for the youth while they are in the program. DAYS proctor care provides a realistic setting for these youth to practice the necessary skills that will enable them to parole home or to an independent living setting. DAYS currently needs more foster parents to do this job which includes monetary compensation, but more importantly; provides the love, structure and family these adolescents need in order to move forward as productive members of our society. Please contact the Denver Area Youth Services today by calling (303) 6982300 or by visiting their web site at www.DenverYouth.org
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Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
May 11, 2009
WEEKLY FUNNIES
By Samantha Weaver • It was award-winning author Robert A. Heinlein, widely known as one of the Grand Masters of science fiction, who made the following sage observation: “Progress isn’t made by early risers. It’s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.” • Have you ever heard of a claque? Probably not, since their effectiveness depends largely upon others not knowing they exist. A claque is a group of people who have been hired to make a show seem more successful by applauding the performers. • In ancient China it was believed that poison would cause anything made of silver to turn black -- which explains why Chinese emperors used chopsticks made of the valuable metal. • Widely reported in the media this year have been the 200th anniversary of the births of Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin, but there’s another birthday that’s gotten somewhat less press: This year Guinness turns 250. In was in 1759 that Arthur Guinness started brewing his celebrated beer -- and got a remarkably good real-estate deal, too. He signed a 9,000-year lease on the now-famous St. James’s Gate Brewery in Dublin, paying 45 British pounds per year for the privilege. • As summer -- and bathing-suit season -approaches, you might be interested to know that the most popular type of cosmetic surgery in the United States is liposuction. • Most lizards are harmless reptiles, but there are some that are known to be venomous. Rather than avoiding these rare creatures, however, there are some who seek them out for the very venom that makes them dangerous. It seems that there’s a component to the venom that causes blood pressure to drop in humans, which could save thousands of lives. (c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
Thought for the Day: “Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone.” -- Gladys Browyn Stern
Page 7
C
AL
HANGE IFE A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes Seeking adults to provide love, to his doctor for a complete check-up. Aftersupervision, patience and attention ward, the doctor comes out with the results. for children 2 - 17 in your home. “I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t Tax FREE Reimbursement, have much time left.” “Oh, that’s terrible!” training and support - Call says the man. “How long have I got?” “Ten,” Sarah (303) 302-3263 the doctor says sadly. “Ten?” the man asks. Denver Area Youth Services “Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!” The doctor interrupts, “Nine...” and then come back and let me know.” When their barn burned down, the old “Sure, dad,” the boy says as he runs out the man told his wife: “Don’t worry; we had it in- door. Down on the street, the boy runs into sured for $50,000.” So the old lady calls the his friend, and tells him: “You wouldn’t beinsurance agent, tells him the barn burned lieve how stupid my father is. He just asked down, and asks: “How soon will you send me to run down to the barber shop to see the check for $50,000?” The insurance if he’s there. What a dope! All he had to do agent replies: “Well, that’s not exactly how would have been to pick up the phone, call it works. You see, the $50,000 coverage is the barbershop, and ask!” a maximum. We are going to have to send A waiter asks two customers sitting at a out an adjuster to determine what the ac- table if either of them would like something tual value of the barn was, and then we will to drink. The first one says: “I’ll just have compensate you for the actual value of your a glass of water, please.” The second one loss.” There is a silence. Then, speaking says: “I would also like some water, but slowly and quietly, the old lady says: “Oh. Is please make sure you bring it in a clean that how insurance works?” “Yes,” says the glass.” The waiter leaves, and five minutes agent, “We can only pay you for what the in- later he is back with two glasses of water. sured item was actually worth.” “Well, in that “Who get’s the water in the clean glass?” case, I want you to cancel my husband’s life asks the waiter. insurance!” The National Transportation Safety Board “Isn’t the principal a dummy!” said a boy recently divulged they had covertly funded a to a girl. “Say, do you know who I am?” asked project with the US auto makers for the past the girl. “No.” “I’m the principal’s daughter.” five years, whereby the auto makers were “And do you know who I am?” asked the boy. installing black box voice recorders in four“No,” she replied. “Thank goodness!” wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to deSally was driving home from one of her termine, in fatal accidents, the circumstancbusiness trips in Northern Arizona when es in the last 15 seconds before the crash. she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking They were surprised to find in 44 of the 50 on the side of the road. As the trip was a states the recorded last words of drivers in long and quiet one, she stopped the car and 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, “Oh, my asked the Navajo woman if she would like a God!” Only the states of Oklahoma, Tennesride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman see, Arkansas, Alabama and Texas were difgot into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally ferent. There, 89.3 percent of the final words tried to make a bit of small talk with the Na- were: “Hold my beer and watch this.” vajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a white bag on the seat next to Sally. “What in bag?” asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the white bag and said, “It’s a box of chocolates. I got it for my husband.” The Navajo Let us help you! woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of s Cleaning (one-time, maintenance, moving) s Concierge Services an elder, she said: “Good trade.” s Even Handyman Services! A man tells his friend: “Watch this; I want What can we do for you? you to see how stupid my son is!” He calls over his son and says: “I need you to run Call NOW for your down to the barber shop to see if I’m there, FREE in-home estimate! (303) 816-6500 www.DomesticDivasInc.com
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Cat Of The Week
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Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
Page 8
May 11, 2009
Attention Investors
and other Home Buyers Home sales are picking up! Buy now while prices and interest rates are still low!
DON’T Miss Out On This GOLDEN Opportunity! Put your future in your own hands by purchasing investment properties! • Home sales in Denver and the West are picking up! Buy • I will always be investment properties NOW before prices go up. available to you if you want information • Looking to buy your first home? Let me help you - and or advice. I’m never you can receive an $8,000 check FROM the IRS! more than a “click” or a phone call away from giving you the full service you deserve from an experienced real • 100’s of bank-owned homes now available at unbelievestate agent. able prices. I know where they are and will show you how to find them. with the Home Buyers Scouting • You want the best terms you can get. I have the experiReport! ence of over 200 transactions to aggressively represent you.
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Laugh Lines!
• How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
• Borrow money from pessimists -- they don’t expect it back.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Gems From Steven Wright (Comedian)... • I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. • Half the people you know are below average. • If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work? • 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. • 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. • A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
• When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane. • Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. • Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. • I intend to live forever...so far, so good. • If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? • Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
• If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
• If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
• All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.
• Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
• I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
• The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
• Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.
“The World Through A Child’s Eyes” Can be YOURS! The perfect book to read with your child. This acclaimed book written by Michael Brasier is perfect for children and adults alike who enjoy reading about different countries and adventures through the eyes of a child.
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