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Denver Metro Area Readers Weekly
Denver Metro Area June 01, 2009
Issue #1090
Published by Mountain View Publishing, LLC
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I WANT CANDY! by Sarah Bates
Chocolate bars, caramel, cherry lollipops and gummi bears… we’ll warn you in advance: this article might induce confectionary cravings! • The Snickers bar, introduced in 1930, was named for one of the Mars family’s favorite horses. • The recipe for Mr. Goodbar has only changed once since it was introduced in 1925 - in 1992 more peanuts were added. • Frank Mars, founder of Mars, Inc., married twice, both times to women named Ethel. • Heath bars were included in U.S. Military rations in WWII. • The Kit Kat bar was created by Rowntree Limited of York, England in 1935 and was originally called Rowntree’s Chocolate Crisp. It was renamed Kit Kat after WWII.
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• Why is the 3 Musketeers bar named Three Musketeers? Originally it had three pieces of candy, each with a different flavor (strawberry, vanilla and chocolate.)
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Page 2 I WANT CANDY! (continued) • Ever heard of Derry Church, Pennsylvania? You might recognize it by its current name of Hershey. The Hershey Company was founded here and it was renamed in 1906.
last term and seventeen years after Ruth’s death. Many skeptics believe the more plausible story that it was named for Babe Ruth, who was at the height of his career, and to avoid royalties, the name Baby Ruth was used.
• The melting point of cocoa butter is just • In 1923, Curtiss Candy Company foundbelow 98.6º, which is why chocolate melts er Otis Schnering chartered a plane and in your mouth. dropped thousands of Baby Ruth bars, each individually equipped with mini-para- • The word chocolates comes from the Aztecs of Mexico and is derived from the chutes, over the city of Pittsburgh. native Nahuatl word xocolatl or chocolatl, • Hershey’s Kisses, introduced in 1907, meaning “food made from caoco seeds”. were originally wrapped by hand. It wasn’t • Chocolate has been cultivated for at least until the introduction three millennia in Central America and of a wrapping maMexico, with its earliest documented use chine that the kisses around 1100 B.C. got their distinctive • Medical research shows that dark chocopaper ribbon. late can help lower high blood pressure. • It would take ninetyfive Hershey’s kisses to make one pound.
• Joseph Fry molded the world’s first chocolate bar in Bristol, England in 1847.
• The word candy comes from the Ara- • Nestlé, more commonly pronounced nesslee, was originally pronounced like the bic word qandi, derived from the Persian English verb nestle. qand, meaning sugar. • Outside of America, the English term for • One piece of chocolate has the same amount of caffeine as one cup of decaf candy is sweets, sweeties or lollies. coffee. • Almond Joy and Mounds bars were created by Peter Paul Halajan, a candy retailed in New Haven, CT. Although Peter Paul Candy Manufacturing Company is now part of the Hershey Company in the U.S., the Peter Paul logo can still be seen on the Almond Joy and Mounds candy bar wrappers.
• Ancient Egyptians were enjoying candy 3500 years ago! • October 30th is National Candy Corn Day. • Did you know there are approximately forty-two Skittles per bag?
• Over 35 million lbs (15,875,733 kg) of candy corn are produced in the U.S. each • Harry Burnett Reese started working as a year. dairyman at Hershey Farms in 1917. He founded the H.B. Reese Company in the • National Candy Cane Day is December 26th. basement of his house and it merged with the Hershey Company in 1963. You might • Candy Canes were originally solid white. have tried some of his candy. He created • Legend says that in 1670, it was a choirReese’s Peanut Butter Cups. master in Cologne Catherdral, Germany • Over 8 billion candy hearts are produced who first gave candy sticks bent in the in the U.S. each year. shape of shepherd’s crooks to his students. • 5th Avenue bars were created by William Luden, founder of Luden’s Cough Drops. • The world’s largest candy cane was creThe candy bar is named for the street in ated by Paul Ghinelli of Williamston, MI. It Reading, PA where Luden’s Cough Drops were first created. • 90 million chocolate Easter bunnies are made for Easter each year in the U.S. • U.S. chocolate manufacturers use 3.5 million lbs (1,587,573 kg) of whole milk every day. • The Baby Ruth candy bar was originially introduced by the Curtiss Candy Company as Kandy Kake. In 1921 it was renamed and refashioned into Baby Ruth and supposedly named for former President Cleveland’s daughter Ruth, though it arrived twenty-four years after Cleveland’s
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measured 58 feet 2.25 inches (17.73 m) tall. • Original lollipop machines produced 40 lollipops per minute. Modern machines can produce 5,900 lollipops per minute. • 76% of people surveyed say they eat the ears off a chocolate bunny first. • How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Several licking machines and hand studies have shown it takes an average of 350 licks. • Gummi bears was originally referred to as “dancing bears.” • The world’s largest jar of jelly beans weighed 6,050 lbs (2,744 kg) and was unveiled in October of 1999. • Americans spend over $125 million on marshmallows each year. • Ancient Egyptians enjoyed an early form of marshmallows as early as 2000 B.C. • An average candy cane only has 55 calories. • The world’s largest lollipop weighed 4,031 lbs (1,828 kg), was 18.9 in (48 cm) thick and 15 ft (4.5 m) tall, stick included. It was cherry flavored.
June 01, 2009
Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
1. MOVIES: What sport was featured in the 2006 movie “Glory Road”?
• On June 6, 1683, the Ashmolean, the world’s first university museum, opens in Oxford, England, with collections donated by English archaeologist Elias Ashmole. Today, the collection at the Ashmolean Museum of Art and Archaeology ranges from 500,000-year-old manmade implements to 20th-century works of art.
2. PSYCHOLOGY: What kind of abnormal fear is experienced in the condition known as hemophobia? 3. MUSIC: Which well-known Christmas carol includes the syllables “fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la”? 4. GEOGRAPHY: Which two countries surround the Dead Sea? 5. ANIMALS: How many muscles does a cat have in each ear?
• On June 4, 1876, a mere 83 hours after leaving New York City, the Transcontinental Express train arrives in San Francisco. Suddenly, a journey that had previously taken months using horses could be made in less than a week. Amenities varied from plush velvet seats to narrow wooden benches.
6. MEDICINE: Who was the pioneering doctor who was first to successfully use a partially artificial heart in a human being? 7. U.S. PRESIDENTS: In what year did U.S. Sen. John Glenn make an unsuccessful bid for the presidency?
• On June 7, 1893, Mohandas K. Gandhi, a young Indian lawyer, commits his first act of civil disobedience. Known as Mahatma, or “the great soul,” Gandhi’s persuasive methods of civil disobedience influenced leaders of civil-rights movements around the world, especially Martin Luther King Jr.
8. CARS: Which car manufacturer had a hit with the 1955 Thunderbird? 9. GAMES: What color is the $5 bill in the classic game of Monopoly? 10. FOOD AND DRINK: What are the chief ingredients in quick Russian dressing? Answers
1. Basketball 2. Fear of blood 3. “Deck the Halls” 4. Israel and Jordan 5. 32 muscles that control the outer ear 6. Dr. Michael DeBakey, left ventricular bypass pump in 1966 7. 1984 8. Ford 9. Pink 10. Mayonnaise and ketchup (c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
Page 3
“If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise.” - Robert Fritz
• On June 5, 1922, George W. Carmack, the first person to discover gold along the Klondike River, dies in Vancouver, British Columbia. Unlike many prospectors, Carmack was not consumed by the lust to find gold. He enjoyed playing the organ, reading periodicals and writing sentimental poetry. • On June 2, 1935, Babe Ruth, one of the greatest players in the history of baseball, ends his Major League career after 22 seasons, 10 World Series and 714 home runs. When Ruth died on Aug. 16, 1948, his body lay in state at Yankee Stadium for two days and was visited by more than 100,000 fans. • On June 1, 1949, Lawrence Welk’s band begins a two-year stint as the house orchestra for radio show “High Life Review.” Though often lampooned for his saccharine style, Welk eventually developed an army of loyal fans and hosted one of the longest-running musical variety shows in history.
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• On June 3, 1961, Clarence Gideon is arrested and charged with breaking into a poolroom in Florida. The appeal of Gideon’s subsequent conviction lead to the establishment of one of the chief principles of American criminal justice in what are known as our Miranda rights. (c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
Page 4
June 01, 2009
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FOR WEEK OF JUNE 01, 2009 ARIES (March 21 to April 19) There’s nothing an Aries Lamb likes less than having to tackle a humdrum task. But finding a creative way to do it can make all the difference. A more exciting time awaits you this weekend. TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Finishing up a job on time leaves you free to enjoy your weekend without any Taurean guilt pangs. A romantic attitude from an unlikely source could take you by surprise. GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Moving in a new career direction might be seen by some as risky. But if you have both the confidence to see it through and the facts to back you up, it could prove rewarding. CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Holding back on a decision might be difficult, considering how long you’ve waited for this opportunity. But until you’re able to resolve all doubts, it could be the wiser course to take. LEO (July 23 to August 22) You still need to move carefully where financial matters are concerned. Better for the Lion to move slowly than pounce on a “promising” prospect that doesn’t keep its promises. VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) A rejection of an idea you believe in can be upsetting. But don’t let it discourage you. Get yourself back on track and use what you’ve learned from the experience to try again. LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) The early part of the week could find you looking to balance your priorities between your family obligations and your career responsibilities. Pressures begin to ease by week’s end. SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) An associate’s problem could cause unavoidable delays in moving ahead with your joint venture. If so, use the time to look into another project you had previously set aside. SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) Although a financial problem could be very close to being resolved in your favor, it’s still a good idea to avoid unnecessary spending for at least a little while longer. CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Support for some unwelcome workplace decisions begins to show up, and continues to build, so that by week’s end, the gregarious Goat is as popular as ever. AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) Congratulations. Deciding to attend a social function you might have earlier tried to avoid could turn out to be one of the best decisions you’ve made in a long time. PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Getting into a new situation could prove to be a more difficult experience than you expected. Don’t hesitate to ask for advice in coping with some of the more irksome challenges. BORN THIS WEEK: Your strong sense of duty makes you a valued and trusted member of your community. Have you considered a career in law enforcement? (c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
New Home-Buyers Can Pocket $8,000 As part of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009, a new tax credit will allow first-time home buyers to claim up to $8,000. Unlike the tax credit plan of last year (which allowed an interest-free tax “loan” of $7,500), this one doesn’t have to be paid back. Qualifying homes must be purchased between Jan. 1, 2009, and Dec. 1, 2009. “Purchased” means that you actually close on the home, with settlement completed and title transferred to you. The credit is 10 percent of the purchase price, with a cap of $8,000. Any type of home can qualify, whether it’s a resale, a new one, one you have constructed, a condo, a mobile home, single family or townhouse. “First-time buyers” are those who haven’t owned a principal residence during the previous three years. A principal residence is one where you live more than half the time. Owning a vacation home won’t disqualify you, as it’s a place you stay sometimes, but not where you live. There are income caps: If you’re single, income cannot exceed $75,000. For married couples, that amount is $150,000. Depending on your modified gross income, there is a phase-out of the credit amount near the top of the income range. To keep the credit, you need to live in the home (use it as your principal place of residence) for three years. If you sell the home, you have to pay back the full credit. Use IRS Form 5404 to claim your credit when you file. Beware: The form is for both the old ($7,500) and new ($8,000) credits. Read the form carefully as you fill it out. That credit amount is then transferred to your Form 1040. If you qualify for the full $8,000, but don’t owe that much in taxes, you’ll end up with a credit at the bottom of your Form 1040, and a check for the balance will be sent to you from the Internal Revenue Service. If you bought a home and qualified under the $7,500 pay-back scenario and filed your 2008 tax forms, you can file an amendment to your taxes (Form 1040X) to claim the new credit. Look online for IRS news release 2009-27 for details. David Uffington regrets that he cannot personally answer reader questions, but will incorporate them into his column whenever possible. Write to him in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send e-mail to columnreply@gmail.com. (c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
June 01, 2009
Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
Page 5
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Events
Tablescapes - Tea and Treasures: June 4, 2009, - June 6, 2009; 1400 Josephine St, Denver. 10:00 am - 4:00 pm Thursday through Saturday. $16 prior to June 1st, $22 after June 1st. Come enjoy a Victorian Tea, Gift Boutique, Amateur Table Setting Competition and Historic House Tours at the Mile High Professional Auxiliary’s 2009 Tablescapes event. All proceeds go to support the programs of the Assistance League of Denver. For more information call (303) 355-2470 or visit www.Denver.AssitanceLeague.org Elizabeth Stampede: June 5, 6 and 7, 2009; Elizabeth. Fri 11:00 am Royalty Lunch, 5:00 pm-10:00 pm Auction. 7:00 pm PBR Bull Riding. 9:30 pm Live music and dancing. Sat 10:00 am Parade, 2:00 pm and 7:00 pm PRCA Rodeo, 9:30 pm Live music and dancing. Sun 11:00 am Auction (Fairgrounds open), VETERANS SPECIALS. www.ElizabethStampede.com Fuel-Fest: June 12, 2009, - June 14, 2009, May Farms, Byers. A bold new Western festival that merges music and family entertainment with an extraordinary marketplace of clean technologies and educational workshops. Presented by May Farms in partnership with: The US Department of Energy’s National Renewable Energy Laboratory, Colorado Governor’s Energy Office and the Colorado Department of Agriculture. Music, workshops, market place and expo, hands-on interactive educational activities for kids - such as kite flying - as well as a healthy mix of barnyard fun - hayrides and a petting zoo. For More information visit www.Fuel-Fest.org. Parker Country Festival: June 12, 2009 - June 14, 2009; Town of Parker, Main Street. FREE Admission - Individual activies such as carnival rides will have costs. Carnival, 150 arts and craft/ Commercial vendors, kids’ activities, two stages of free entertainment and a parade. Friday 5:00 pm - 11:00 pm. Saturdy 9:00 am - 11:00 pm. Sunday 9:00 am - 10:00 pm. www.ParkerOnLine.org Jazz Aspen Snowmass Festival: June 18, 2009 - June 28, 2009; Snowmass. Ticket Information to be announced. NEW VENUE! Show Times To Be Announced. Music, Food, Friends and Fun. The festival will showcase multiple performances featuring this year’s brilliant group of JAS Academy artists at a variety of clubs. www.SnowmassVillage.com Greek Festival: June 19, 2009 - June 21, 2009; Assumption Greek Orthodox Cathedral, Denver. Eat, Drink and Dance like a Greek! $1 All Day Pass (Kids and Seniors are FREE). 11:00 am - 11:00 pm Fri and Sat, 11:00 am - 8:00 pm Sun. www.TheGreekFestival.com Coolest Car Show: July 4, 2009; 10:00 am - 4:00 pm. Downtown Estes Park, between West Elkhorn Ave and Moraine Ave, Estes Park Colorado. Ticket Information - $4 Adult, $2 children and students, FREE under 6 yrs old, OR BRING THE FAMILY FOR JUST $10! Proceeds benefit the Estes Park Museum. The Coolest Car Show will feature over 100 vintage vehicles from the 1920s and beyond. Car show will take place in Bond Park and throughout the Downtown area. Close up inspection of the cars is encouraged! Information and to register your car: www.EstesParkcvb.com To Place Your Event in this calendar please e-mail Info@TidbitsOfDenver.com as far ahead of the event as possible.
Free Events
Bus Tour of the Golden Triangle Art/ Museum District - First Friday of every month free, 5 - 9 pm. Ballet Arts Theatre, 816 Acoma St, Denver 303-825-7570 www.pnfproductions.com Children’s Museum - Free admission first Tuesday evening of the month, 4 8pm 2121 Children’s Museum Drive www. cmdenver.org Colorado Railroad Museum - Check the web site for free days. www.crrm.org 17155 W. 44th Avenue, Golden 303-2794591 CU In Broomfield World Music Series - Free concerts 2nd Wed of every month, 7pm Broomfield Auditorium, 3 Community Park Rd, 303-469-3301 x7999 www. broomfield.org Denver Art Museum - First Sat of every month free to CO residents, 10am-5pm 100 West 14th Avenue Parkway www. denverartmuseum.org Denver Botanic Gardens - Free days: July 20, Aug 20, Sep 19, Oct 23; 9am5pm 1005 York St, 720-865-3500 www. botanicgardens.org Denver Museum of Nature & Science - 2009 Free days: Wed Jun 10, Mon Jul 13, Wed Aug 12, Sun Sep 13, Sun Oct 4, Mon Nov 2, Sun Nov 22. 2001 Colorado Boulevard, 303-322-7009 www.dmns.org Firehouse Tales For Tots- Denver Firefighters Museum 1356 Tremont Pl, (303) 892-1436. First Wednesday of each month 10:00 am - 10:30 am. Ages 2-6 Museum of Contemporary Art - First Saturday of every month - Admission: 1 penny 1275 19th St, Denver 303-2987554 www.mcartdenver.org U.S. Mint - Free: Mon - Fri; 8am - 3pm; reservations encouraged 320 West Colfax Ave., 303-405-4761 www.usmint. gov
Sports
Colorado Rockies - Major League Baseball • Houston hosts Rockes: Mon Jun 1, 6:05 pm, Tue Jun 2, 6:05 pm, Wed Jun 3, 6:05 pm, Thu Jun 4, 6:05 pm • St. Louis hosts Rockies: Fri Jun 5, 6:15 pm, Sat Jun 6, 5:15pm, Sun Jun 7, 12:15 pm, Mon Jun 8, 12:15 pm • Milwaukee hosts Rockies: Tue Jun 9, 6:05 pm, Wed Jun 10, 6:05 pm, Thu Jun 11, 12:05 pm • Rockies host Seattle: Fri Jun 12, 7:10 pm, Sat Jun 13, 6:10 pm, Sun Jun 14, 1:10pm • Rockies host Tampa Bay: Tue Jun 16, 6:40pm, Wed Jun 17, 6:40 pm, Thur Jun 18, 1:10pm Colorado Rapids - Major League Soccer • Salt Lake hosts Rapids: Sat Jun 6, 8:00 pm • Rapids host DC United: Sat Jun 20, 7:30 pm • Rapids host Dallas: Wed Jun 24, 7:30 pm • Seattle hosts Rapides: Sun Jun 28, 2:00 pm • Rapids host Chicago: Sat Jul 4, 7:00 pm Denver Outlaws - Major League Lacrosse • Machine hosts Outlaws: Sun Jun 7, 2:00 pm • Outlaws host Lizards: Sat Jun 13, 7:00 pm • Outlaws host Nationals: Sat Jun 20, 7:00 pm • Nationals host Outlaws: Sat Jun 27, 5:00 pm
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Page 6
Beating The Odds Some people would believe that when three restaurants fail in the same location that it would be crazy to open another restaurant, yet John Davis, owner of Otto’s Restaurants knows better. “I was told of the market saturation while I was setting up,” Davis says. “Some people poked their head in and made comments about my sanity.” Yet Davis’s Parker Restaurants are already seeing early success. Otto’s Grill opened in September followed by Otto’s Cantina and most recently, Otto’s Deli. Other Otto’s locations can be found in Greenwood Village, downtown Denver, and northeast Denver. In fact, while 6 restaurants, including wellknown national chains, went under within feet of Otto’s Grill in Parker, Davis says he reached the break-even point on his Otto’s investment within 30 days of opening. Davis plans on opening a fourth, more upscale restaurant in Parker within a few months. “My approach is to go back to where it all started — give people a reasonably priced meal,” Davis says. Each Otto’s promises fast, fresh and friendly food. Here is just a sampling of the menus you will find at the 5 Denver area Otto’s locations:
Otto’s America Grill • Burgers • Gourmet Burgers • Pizza • Salads • Soups • French Fries • Onion Rings • Kettle Chips Nightly specials include: wings, spaghetti, fried fish, baby back ribs and more. Otto’s Cantina • Tacos • Enchiladas • Burritos • Fajitas • Salads Specialties: chille relleno, carne asada and more Otto’s Deli Traditional Sandwiches: house club, turkey and cheese and veggie Specialty Sandwiches: cantina chicken, and grilled Portobello • Paninis • Wraps • Soups • Salads
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June 01, 2009
A recent stop to Otto’s grill was met with a healthy dinner crowd, yet plenty of seating. The half and half (onion rings and French fries) was served in a large basket with two dipping sauces. The burgers were cooked to order, including to temperature. The burgers were dressed with fresh vegetables and the wait staff was friendly and attentive. There are 5 area locations – You Otto Try Them! See Coupon on the Front Page Banner. Grill: 18366 E Lincoln #109 Parker Cantina: 18366 E Lincoln #101, Parker Deli: 18366 E Lincoln, Parker Cantina: 16221 E 40th Ave, Denver Grill: 4930 S Yosemite, Geenrwood Village Grill: 2200 Market St, Denver
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Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
June 01, 2009
WEEKLY FUNNIES
By Samantha Weaver
• It was Clay Ewing, president of a community bank in Indiana, who recently made the following sage observation: “Banking should not be exciting. If banking is exciting, there is something wrong with it.” • James Arness, star of the iconic American TV series “Gunsmoke,” was more than six and a half feet tall -- so tall, in fact, that the makers of the show frequently had him stand in a hole during his scenes so he wouldn’t tower over his co-stars. • The form-fitting synthetic fabric commonly known as spandex was so named because it’s an anagram of “expands.” • When you think of a dog herding cattle or sheep, the image in your mind is probably a border collie, a breed well-known for its herding capabilities. You might be surprised to learn that Dalmations, too, were once used to herd livestock. In fact, that’s why they’ve become an icon of firefighters everywhere. Back when fire engines were actually wagons drawn by teams of horses, Dalmations accompanied the firefighters to the scene of a disaster in order to herd the horses to a safe place until the blaze was brought under control. • Recorders of crime statistics say that the top three cities in the United States in terms of cars being stolen are Modesto, Calif.; Las Vegas; and San Diego. • If, like many Americans these days, you’re carrying around some extra weight, here’s an added incentive to lose those love handles: For every 50 pounds your car loses from its payload, you’ll get about a 1 percent improvement in gas mileage. Of course, you could just clean out any junk that’s been cluttering up the trunk instead. (c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
Thought for the Day: “Like cars in amusement parks, our direction is often determined through collisions.” -- Yahia Lababidi
One night, a cop pulled over a young man who had been speeding.When he noticed that the young man’s eyes appeared red he asked, “Your eyes are bloodshot, have you been smoking pot?”To which the young man replied, “ Your eyes are glazed over, Have you been eating Donuts?” When the U.S. Mint reissued two-dollar bills, Ralph thought they might someday become collectors’ items.So he went to the bank and picked up a hundred, serially numbered $2 bills, still in their original band. On his next trip to his parents’ house, Ralph gave the $200 to his mother and said, “Take good care of these. They might be worth something someday. ”Several months later, Ralph asked his Mom if she had carefully put the bills somewhere where they would be safe. “Oh, yes!” she replied. “I deposited them in the bank the very next day!”
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saw a train coming. Panicked, he started to pray, “God, please get my foot out of these tracks, and I’ll stop being bad!” Nothing happened; his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the train getting closer! He prayed again, “God, please get my foot out, and I’ll stop swearing and I’ll stop being bad!” Still nothing. His foot was wedged tight. The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train’s horn blared. He tried his plea one more time: “God, please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I’ll quit After trying a new shampoo for the first being bad, I’ll stop swearing, and I’ll stop time, a guy fired off an enthusiastic letter picking on Mary everyday at school.” Just of approval to the manufacturer. Several as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot weeks later he came home from work to a broke free and he fell backwards, the train large carton in the middle of the floor. Inside narrowly missing him. He got up, dusted were free samples of the many products himself off, looked toward heaven, and said, the company produced: soaps, detergents, “Thanks anyway God, I got it myself.” tooth paste, and paper items. “Well, what do you think” his wife asked smiling. “Next At breakfast one day, the young bride anxiously waited for her husband to comment time,” he replied. “I’m writing to Toyota!” on her first attempt at homemade cinnamon A homeless beggar walked up to a wellrolls.After several minutes with no reaction, dressed woman shopping in Beverly Hills she asked, “If I baked these commercially, and moaned, “I haven’t eaten anything in how much do you think I could get for one of four days.” The woman, sighed and said, them?” Without looking up from his newspa“Gosh, I wish I had your willpower.” per he replied, “About 10 years.” “I want you to give me a pill to make me A husband stepped on one of those penny smarter,” the man told his doctor. The doctor scales that tell you your fortune and weight complied. A week later, the man returned. “I and dropped in a coin. “Listen to this,” he still don’t feel any smarter,” he said.“Keep said to his wife, showing her a small, white taking the pills and come back next week,” card. “It says I’m energetic, bright, resourcesaid the doctor. “I still don’t feel smarter,” the ful and a great lover.” “Yeah,” his wife nodman said the next time. “You haven’t been ded, “and it has your weight wrong, too.” giving me a placebo, have you?” The doctor replied, “See? You’re smarter already.” A very wealthy man 65-years old falls in love with a young woman in her 20’s and is considering proposing. “Do you think she’ll marry me if I tell her I’m 45?” he asked his friend. His friend replied, “Your chances are better if you tell her you are 90.” Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. He tried to get it out, but it was really stuck. As he struggled to free his foot, he heard a noise and turned around. To his horror, he
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Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
June 01, 2009
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Laugh Lines! How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation. • Jack Russell Terrier: I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls and furniture. • Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I’m sorry, but I don’t see a light bulb!
• Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a • Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the stupid burned out bulb? dark. • Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or “We don’t need no stinking light bulb.” • Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares? • Border Collie: Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code. • Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp! • Rottweiler: Make me. • Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark. • Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeze, please, please, please! • German Shepherd: I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, checked to make sure I haven’t missed any, and
• Australian Shepherd: First, I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle... • Poodle: I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
How many cats does it take to change a light bulb? • Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: “How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?” • All of which proves, once again, that while dogs have masters, cats have staff!
Quips & Quotes
“The best way to knock the chip off your neighbor’s shoulder is to pat him on the back.” Author Unknown
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