Denver Metro Area November 02, 2009
Issue #1111
Published by Mountain View Publishing, LLC
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TIDBITSŽ LOOKS UP‌ AT SOME
HIGH POINTS
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Let’s take a look at some high points in history, sports, nature and more. We hope Tidbits scores high points with you, our readers! • Basketball fans are probably aware of “Pistol Peteâ€? Maravich. He was a standout scorer for Louisiana State University (LSU), from 1966-1970. He holds the alltime scoring record for college basketball with 3,667 points in 83 games, averaging 44.2 points per game. This does not include his freshman year and, also, he played before three-point shots were established! He scored 60 points per game in three separate games of his senior year. How’s that for high points! Following his graduation from LSU, Maravich played professionally for 10 years with the Atlanta Hawks, New Orleans/Utah Jazz and Boston Celtics.
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• The highest point in Canada is Mount Logan in Yukon Province at 19,551 ft. (5,959 m). The lowest high point in Canada is on Prince Edward Island in the Bonshaw Hills. It is only 466 feet (142 m) above sea level. On this island you are hardly ever more than five miles or eight kilometers from the sea or an inlet.
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• Mount Everest, on the border between Nepal and Tibet in the Himalayan Mountains, is the highest elevation on earth with its summit at 29,035 feet (8,850 m). • Mauna Kea on the big island of Hawaii is lower than Everest at 13,796 feet (4,205 m) but considering that Mauna Kea is an island, the height from base to summit is higher. If measured from the ocean floor to the peak, Mauna Kea is 32,808 feet (10,000 m).
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Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
Page 2
Issue #1111
SEEKING ANSWERS? FOR WEEK OF NOVEMBER 02, 2009
ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Lots of choices could make it difficult to select what is best for your needs. Avoid snap judgments. Take the time to check them all out to find the one that really meets your goals. TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) You could once again experience pressure from others who would like to see you move in another direction. But heed your Bovine instincts to stay on your own path. GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Taking charge of a project that seems to be about to stall or collapse altogether could be a challenge. But once everyone knows what you expect of him or her, things should go smoothly. CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Avoid the pressures of the upcoming holiday period by setting a time right now to discuss how to divide up the responsibility of helping a loved one come through a difficult period. LEO (July 23 to August 22) It’s not too early for all you Leonas and Leos to start making long-distance travel plans. The sooner you stop procrastinating and start deciding where, when and how you’re going, the better. VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Someone you’ve known for years might disappoint you, or even make you feel you’ve been betrayed. But check the facts carefully before you make charges that could backfire on you. LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) A holiday plan might need to be revised to accommodate an unexpected complication. Come up with an alternative arrangement as soon as possible to avoid more problems down the line. SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Don’t accept halfway explanations for a situation that requires full disclosure. The more you know now, the better able you will be to handle any complications that might arise. SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) The cooperation you relied upon might not be easy to get. Maybe there’s an information gap. See if everyone understands the situation. If not, be sure to offer a full explanation. CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Problems caused by that recent workplace distraction should soon be easing, allowing you to resume working at a less frantic pace. That personal matter also begins to ease up. AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) Changing your mind about a job decision isn’t easy for the usually committed Aquarian. But once you check it out, you’ll find facts you didn’t know before. And facts don’t lie. PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Your unique way of sizing up a situation gives you an edge in resolving that upsetting workplace problem. Stay on your current course regardless of any attempts to distract you. BORN THIS WEEK: You are emotionally attuned to what’s going on around you, and you easily pick up on people’s needs. (c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
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Heating fuel prices are down, but now that there’s a nip in the air, you could be discovering all the air leaks in your home. Here are some things you can do yourself to block the cold. --If outdoor temperatures are less than 50 F, you shouldn’t caulk outside; however, plastic sheeting on the inside of windows can go a long way toward keeping the heat in. There are two methods you can do yourself: 1) Plastic sheeting that comes in a kit with double-sided tape. Leave as much space as you can between the glass and the plastic because it’s the space that blocks the cold air before it gets into the room. Use a hair dryer to shrink the plastic, and it becomes nearly as clear as glass. At the end of the heating season when you remove the plastic, you may need vinegar to remove the last remnants of glue from the tape. 2) Removable interior panels that can be reused year after year. You’ll need basic supplies such as one-by-two boards, foam strips and plastic sheeting. These panels are sturdy and hold back drafts even better than plastic sheeting in kits and are cheaper over the long term. For detailed plans to build your own, go to www.arttec. net and scroll most the way down the page to “Thermal Windows.” You’ll find a materials list with estimated pricing and lots of photos and instructions. --Caulk around pipes under sinks. Use expandable foam, and wear disposable rubber gloves. (If you get any your hand, it’s hard to get off.) Let dry around the pipes and trim with a sharp blade. --Put another layer of insulation in the attic, if you have one. --Replace your furnace filter if you didn’t do this in the fall. Buy an extra and keep it on hand to change in the middle of winter. --Install storm doors on exit doors. --Hang insulating drapes on windows. Open them up during the day to let the sun warm the rooms, and close them when the sun goes down. The more cold air you block from getting into your home, the more comfortable you’ll be -- and the lower your heating costs. David Uffington regrets that he cannot personally answer reader questions, but will incorporate them into his column whenever possible. Write to him in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send e-mail to columnreply@gmail.com.
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Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
Page 3
HIGH POINTS (continued) • Mauna Kea is one of the few places on earth where you can go from sea level to 14,000 feet (4267 m) in about two hours. This presents a serious risk for altitude sickness as there is about 40% less oxygen at its summit.
• Many “highpointers” travel to Florida to see Britton Hill. It is the lowest high point of any state in the U.S. at 345 ft. (105 m). • What are “highpointers?” They are a club that promotes climbing the high point of all 50 U.S. states. The 2009 convention was held in High Point State Park, New Jersey. The highest point in the park is the state’s high point at 1,803 feet (550 m) above sea level. Within the park is Dryden Kuser Natural Area which is the highest elevation swamp of its kind in the world where Atlantic white cedars grow. • When you think of Colorado, you probably think of mountains. The state has more land over 10,000 feet (3048 m) than any other state, including over 50 peaks above 14,000 feet (4267 m), called the “Fourteeners.” • Dragila Way on the Idaho State University campus is a street named after Stacy Dragila. She won the first gold medal ever for women pole vaulters at the 2000 Olympic Games in Sydney, Australia. Her gold medal height was 15.1 feet (4.6 m). She later made a vault at 15.8 feet (4.83
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• The highest point in the lower 48 states is Mt. Whitney in California at 14,495 ft. (4418 m.). Mt. Whitney is less than 100 miles (161 km) from Death Valley, the lowest point in North America.
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• The highest point in the United States is Mt. McKinley in Denali National Park, Alaska. It is 20,320 feet (6,194 m) above sea level. Denali means “high one” in the language of the native Athabascan people in Alaska.
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and “Friends of the High Line” pushing for preservation and reuse as a public space. It is now owned by the city.
• The highest point along the North Carolina Railroad between Goldsboro and Charlotte, North Carolina was incorporat- • Mt. Hood is a dormant volcano and Oregon’s highest peak at 11,245 feet (3,427 ed as High Point in 1859. The city, known m). It is the only ski area in North America as the “Furniture Capital of the World” is open every month of the year. Timberline celebrating its 150th anniversary in 2009. Lodge on Mt. Hood, listed on the National The Biannual High Point Market attracts Register of Historic Places in 1977, was buyers from all 50 states and over 100 built as a “Works Progress Administration” countries. project funded by the U.S. government • A public park that opened in New York to put people to work during the “Great City in June, 2009, has a “high point” Depression.” It has been privately owned theme. High Line Park is pretty unique since 1955. it’s 30 feet above street level. The High
Line was an elevated freight railroad line. • To be at the “timberline” is to be at the point on a mountain above where trees Originally the line was at street level and grow, due to environmental conditions known for frequent accidents. In fact, in that preclude such growth. the late 1800s and early 1900s a group known as the “West Side Cowboys” rode • The tallest lighthouse in America is the horses and waved red flags warning of Cape Hatteras Lighthouse on the Outer approaching trains. In 1934 the High Line Banks of North Carolina. The tower height opened to train traffic, eliminating 105 is 207 feet (63 m), although 10 feet (3 m) street level crossings. The trains traveled are underground. above the streets and were connected to • High Point Café in the Mt. Airy area of Philwarehouses and factories. adelphia, Pennsylvania is a true neigh• Some tracks for the High Line were demolborhood café where the owner hopes the ished in the 1960s. The last train on the coffee, food, and friendliness will be the High Line in 1980 pulled three carloads of “high point” of your day! (Just like reading frozen turkeys. The new park has been in this Tidbits!) the works for years with property owners
Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
Page 4
Issue #1111
• On Nov. 4, 1842, after a stormy three-year courtship, Abraham Lincoln marries Mary Todd in Springfield, Ill. Mary came from a distinguished Kentucky family, and some of her relatives frowned upon her association with Lincoln, who was a country lawyer and a minor figure in the state legislature. • On Nov. 6, 1899, James Ward Packard, an electrical-wire manufacturer, test-drives the first Packard automobile through the streets of Warren, Ohio. The Model A featured a one-cylinder engine producing 12 horsepower. • On Nov. 8, 1900, Margaret Mitchell, author of “Gone with the Wind,” is born in Atlanta. Mitchell worked as a journalist for the Atlanta Journal for six years. She quit after an ankle injury limited her mobility, and she devoted herself to her novel about the South during and after the Civil War. The book, published in 1936, sold 1 million copies in its first six months in print. • On Nov. 5, 1911, Leonard Slye, later known as Roy Rogers, is born in Cincinnati. The singer and cowboy actor launched “The Roy Rogers Show,” a mix of music and drama, in 1944. The show always closed with the song “Happy Trails,” which became known as Rogers’ theme song. • On Nov. 7, 1944, Democrat Franklin D. Roosevelt is re-elected president of the United States for a record third time, becoming the first and only president in history to win a fourth term in office. Three months after his inauguration, Roosevelt died of a massive cerebral hemorrhage. • On Nov. 3, 1956, the “Wizard of Oz” is broadcast on television for the first time. Some 45 million people tuned in to CBS to see the 1939 movie classic. Star Judy Garland’s 10-year-old daughter, Liza Minnelli, introduced the program. • On Nov. 2, 1989, Carmen Fasanella, a taxicab driver from Princeton, N.J., retires after 68 years and 243 days of service. Fasanella, who was continuously licensed as a taxicab owner and driver in the Borough of Princeton, N.J., since Feb. 1, 1921, is the most enduring taxi driver on record.
(c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
1. GEOGRAPHY: How many lakes are in the North American Great Lake chain? 2. ARTS: What was choreographer George Balanchine’s native country? 3. RELIGION: What is the formal name of the Quakers? 4. TELEVISION: What high school did Richie Cunningham attend in the sitcom “Happy Days”? 5. MOVIES: What baseball movie introduced the character of “Wild Thing”? 6. LAW: Who is the current chief justice of the U.S. Supreme Court? 7. AD SLOGANS: What kind of candy “melts in your mouth, not in your hands”? 8. ANATOMY: Where is the parietal bone located in the human body? 9. MATH: How many minutes are in a day? 10. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: What is the symbol of the zodiac sign Cancer? Answers 1. Five (Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie and Superior) 2. Russia 3. Religious Society of Friends 4. Jefferson High 5. “Major League” (Pitcher Ricky Vaughn, played by Charlie Sheen) 6. John Roberts 7. M&Ms 8. The skull 9. 1,440 (24 hours x 60 minutes) 10. The Crab
(c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
November 02, 2009
Do You Want To Be The Biggest Loser? Not everyone can or wants to be on a national reality TV show. For those folks wanting to lose weight, The Weight Loss Challenge might be your chance at being the biggest loser without the TV hype.
The 12 week non-profit course offers a competetive setting whereby participants’ $29 registration fee is pooled and distributed as prize money at the end of the challenge. A class of 25 people will yield a $360 1st place prize, a $220 second place prize and a $150 3rd place prize. Prizes are distributed based on body weight percentage lost, not just pounds lost.
Page 5
is added to the pot. A $5 penalty is assessed and thrown into the pot by people who miss more than 1 class. Mr. Roberts declares, “This class works if you work it and our goal is to have poeple lose weight and feel great! However, you need to show up consistently in order to do so.”
Average weight loss ranges from 10 lbs to over 100 lbs with the average being between Personal Wellness Coaches Chris Roberts Participants can use or continue to use any 20 and 30 lbs per participant. “NOW is a and Marti Rivers invite you to join their weight loss program or excercise regimen great time to lose pounds before the fast Weight Loss Challenge. The course is they would like. “We will work with each approaching holidays.” says Mr. Roberts. inspired by the popular fitness reality TV participant throughout the challenge to help “We also see decreased cholesterol levels, show “The Biggest Loser”. The Weight Loss them develop great nutritional habits and improved heart and digestive function, and Challenges are “simply awesome and the choices to meet their goals and to win the of course increased energy and vitality.” format we are using has been sweeping prizes.” says Mr. Roberts. In fact, just before Classes will be held at Mr. Roberts’ home in the nation and is quickly becoming a worldthe second class, Mr. Roberts and Ms. Englewood near Orchard Road and Havana wide phenomenon.” states Mr. Roberts. Rivers will conduct what is called a personal Street starting Wednesday, November “They are a great way for people to join a wellness evaluation; a 1 on 1 specially 11 at 7:00 pm. Classes run for about 30 group setting where there is competition scheduled ½ hour meeting that gets into the to 45 minutes. Mr. Roberts encourages and accountability. details of an individual’s body mass index your participation, “Come one, come all. The weekly information and education will calculations and optimim protein and caloric Come with your friends, your spouse, your help people stay on track and become intake amounts while exploring the eating neighbors, your co-workers or your sons educated about proper health and nutrition. and exercise habits of the individual. or daughters. Participants who bring two Also addressed throughout are some Challenge participants are discretley guests will receive additional prizes.” unrealized habits that may be keeping weighed in every week and will be measured For more details about the challenge, participants from reaching their optimum 3 times throughout the 12 week class. For location and directions, please contact weight. “In short, we are on a ‘Mission of every weekly pound a participant loses, a Chris Roberts at 720-320-7792. Classes fill Nutrition’ and we challenge people in Denver raffle ticket is issued to them for a drawing to up fast so make sure to register soon. “See to change their lifestyle choices to feel and receive a special prize relating to wellness you on November 11, 2009! The results are look their best as a holiday goal or a New and nutrition; perhaps a healthy snack or the going to be fantastic.” Year’s Resolution.” like. For each pound a participant gains, $1
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Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
Page 6
WEEKLY FUNNIES
By Samantha Weaver
• It was Ogden Nash, well-loved American author of humorous poetry, who made the following sage observation: “The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.” • The modern dishwasher was invented all the way back in 1889, and it’s no surprise that it was a woman, not a man, who came up with the labor-saving device. It is interesting to note, however, that it wasn’t her own labor Josephine Cochrane was saving when she invented the device; Mrs. Cochrane had servants to do the washing up. In fact, she wasn’t interested in saving labor at all -- she was simply tired of the servants chipping the fine china. • You had more taste buds before you were born than you do now -- more than you’ve had at any time in your life, in fact. • The beloved children’s book “Green Eggs and Ham” would not exist if it hadn’t been for a bet. Bennett Cerf, Dr. Seuss’ editor, bet the author $50 that he couldn’t write a book using no more than 50 different words. Dr. Seuss used precisely 50 words, collecting the $50 and creating a classic at the same time. • You might be surprised to learn that about 29 percent of people who go to beauty spas are men. • If your family is like most American households, you waste approximately $600 every year by throwing away unspoiled food. • The world’s tallest tree can be found in Redwood National Park, in California. The tree, known as “Hyperion,” stands nearly 380 feet tall. (c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
Thought for the Day: Thought for the Day: “I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.” -- Harry S. Truman
Some race horses staying in a stable start a conversation. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won 8 of them!” Another horse breaks in, “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!!” “Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!”, says another, flicking his tail. At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!” The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog.” A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, ‘Buk Buk BUK.’ The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them...and the chickens leave shortly thereafter. Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,’ Buk Buk BuKKOOK!’ The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before. The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, ‘Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!’ The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them. She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, “Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit...” There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted “240-S”. The dealer asks, “Why ‘S’?” The snail replies, “’S’ stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who’s driving.” Well, the dealer doesn’t want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee. The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they’d say “Wow! Look at that S-car go!” A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve
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www.FightYourDebt.net John Cimino, Attorney 303-830-7274 ever seen.” “Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.” Three rats are sitting at the bar bragging about their bravery and toughness. The first says, “I’m so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!” The second says, “Well I’m so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!” Then the third rat gets up and says, “Later guys, I’m off home to harass the cat.” A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head. The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what’s going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, “Pardon me. May I help you with something.” The blind man says, “No thanks. I’m just looking around.” A man walks into a bar one day and asks, “Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?” “Yeah, I do!” a biker says, standing up. “What about it?” “Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him...” “What are you talkin’ about?!” the biker says, disbelievingly. “How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?” “Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog’s throat!” I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man.“That’s the most amazing thing I’ve seen,” I said. “That dog really seemed to enjoy the film.” The man turned to me and said, “Yeah, it is. He hated the book.”
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Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
November 02, 2009
Page 7
How to Eat an Elephant
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Events
Cabinet of Curiosities: October 9, 2009 - March 5, 2010; Indoor Gallery at the Museum of Outdoor Art, 1000 Englewood Pkwy, Ste 2-230, Englewood. Mon - Thu 9:00 am - 5:00pm Fri 9:00 am - 4:00 pm. A whimsical exhibition showcasing the talents of 12 artists working in a new vintage style to create artistic worlds in furniture, cabinets, rooms, antique luggage, hand blown glass and fashion armoires. The juxtapositions of disparate objects is sure to delight the historian, tinkerer and armchair scientiest. Among the many oddities, you will see Lewis Carroll’s “Imaginary Cabinet Room” by Lonnie Hanzon, Nick Bantock’s “Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man” and Elaine Pellham’s “Fisher King’s Tackle Box”.ADMISSION IS FREE! www.moaonline.org East End Arts District Celebrates Denver Art Week: November 13; 5:00 pm - 9:00pm. Aurora’s origianl downtown on East Colfax. Join the art walk in Aurora! www.EastEndArtsDistrict.org Rocky Mountain Bird Expo: November 14, 2009 - November 15, 2009, Doors open at 9:00 am. National Western Event Center, Denver. The speaker line up will include Patricia Sund, creator of Memos to Parker and Pepper and Bird Talk writer, and Sally Blanchard. This show will also include, booths, raffles, silent auctions, gifts, toys, cages, art work - and lots of birds best sale prices and new products not seen locally. $7 adults, $5 children and seniors. www.BirdTee.com World Kitchen: Chef Cookings Demos: November 14, 2009 December 12, 2009. Saturdays 10:30 am - 12:00 pm - FREE ADMISSION. Denver Public Library, Central Branch, Denver. This cookie party, hosted by Jessica Gaydos, features a selection of cookies from around the world. There’s no better time than fall and winter for a batch of warm cookies, and Chef Gaydos will provide samples and recipes that will gain you entree to any Untied Nation Potluck. www.DenverLiberary.org Toastmaster s International: Every 1st and 3rd Monday of the month. Become the Speaker and Leader you want to be! 11:30 am - 12:30 pm, 6060 S Willo Dr, DTC. Contact Michelle at 720-987-3459. www.wrytoast.freetoasthost.com/index. html To Place Your Event in this calendar please e-mail Info@TidbitsOfDenver.com
Improve the quality of your life
Free Events
Bus Tour of the Golden Triangle Art/ Museum District: First Friday of every month 5 - 9 pm. Ballet Arts Theatre, 816 Acoma St, Denver 303-825-7570 www.pnfproductions.com Children’s Museum: First Tuesday evening of the month, 4 - 8pm. 2121 Children’s Museum Drive www.cmdenver.org CU In Broomfield World Music Series: Free concerts 2nd Wed of every month, 7pm Broomfield Auditorium, 3 Community Park Rd, 303-469-3301 x7999 www.broomfield.org Denver Art Museum: First Sat of every month free to CO residents, 10am5pm 100 West 14th Avenue Parkway www.denverartmuseum.org Denver Botanic Gardens: Free days Check web site for 2010 schedule of free days.1005 York St, 720-865-3500 www.botanicgardens.org Denver Museum of Nature & Science: 2009 Free days: Sun Nov 22. 2001 Colorado Boulevard, 303-322-7009 www.dmns.org Firehouse Tales For Tots: Denver Firefighters Museum 1356 Tremont Pl, (303) 892-1436. First Wednesday of each month 10:00 am - 10:30 am. Ages 2-6 Museum of Contemporary Art: First Saturday of every month admission = 1 penny. 1275 19th St in Denver. 303-2987554 www.mcartdenver.org
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Sports
Colorado Avalanche - NHL • Coyotes: Wed Nov 4, 7:00 pm • Blackhawks: Fri Nov 6, 7:00 pm • Oilers: Sun Nov 8, 6:00 pm • Blackhawks host: Wed Nov 11, 6:30 pm • Canucks: Sat Nov 14, 8:00 pm • Flames host: Tue Nov 17, 7:30 pm Denver Broncos - NFL • Pittsburgh: Mon Nov 9, 6:30 pm • At Washington: Sun Nov 15, 11:00 am Denver Nuggets - NBA • At Indiana: Tue Nov 3, 5:00 pm • At New Jersey: Wed Nov 4, 5:30 pm • At Miami: Fri Nov 6, 5:30 pm • At Atlanta: Sat Nov 7, 5:00 pm • At Chicago: Tue Nov 10, 6:00 pm • At Milwaukee: Wed Nov 11, 6:00 pm • LA Lakers: Fri Nov 13, 8:30 pm • Toronto: Tue Nov 17, 7:00 pm Colorado Mammoth - NLL PRESEASON • Minnesota: Fri Dec 18, 7:00pm REGULAR SEASON begins January!
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Page 8
Laugh Lines! Student Bloopers From Class Essays
• Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. • Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada. • Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. • The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth. • Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name. • Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. • In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the Java. • Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them. • Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. • Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: “Tee hee, Brutus.” • Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and
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• Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted “hurrah.” • Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
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