Online Dating: Beware the Romance Scam

BY STEPHANIE BOUCHARD

So you’ve taken the leap and signed up for an online dating site. You’ve posted photos of yourself and even managed to figure out what all the colorful icons are for (no mean feat). But have you educated yourself about romance scams?

If you’re dating online, you need to know about romance scams. The Federal Trade Commission received 56,000 romance scam complaints in 2021 — more than triple the number the agency received in 2017 — totaling $547 million in financial losses. The FBI’s numbers for 2021 are even worse. An estimated $1 billion was lost to (just) 24,000 victims of romance scams in 2021.

And the age group hit the hardest? Those over age 60. The FTC reports that the median individual reported losses to romance scams in 2021 were $750 for those 18 to 29; $2,000 for 30- to 39-year-olds; $3,000 to $4,000 for ages 40 to 59; $6,000 for ages 60 to 69, and a whopping $9,000 for those age 70 and over.

The FBI says it’s likely these staggering numbers are underreported. David McClellan, cofounder of Social Catfish, a company dedicated to preventing online scams through reverse search technology, agrees. “There’s anger. There’s embarrassment,” he says. “It’s grossly underreported — 100%.”

It’s not that older people are taking larger financial losses because they don’t understand technology as well as younger people, McClellan says. It’s that the criminals are master manipulators. “They use all sorts of psychological tactics to mess with these victims and to manipulate them, and it happens over a long period of time,” he says. “You start questioning what’s real, what isn’t real.” to the

By the time victims of romance scams realize they’ve been scammed, after months of growing what they think is a deep, real connection, the emotional fallout is often worse than the financial pain, says Amy Nofziger, director of fraud victim support at AARP’s Fraud Watch Network.

“I think actually the loss of hope and the loss of the dream have a deeper and longer mental health impact than the financial losses,” she says. “It’s almost like a grieving process.”

While victims of romance scams may feel a profound sense of shame and embarrassment, it’s important they report what happened to them, says Elizabeth Ashe, the Bangor Police Department’s community resource officer. “It can’t ever hurt to contact the local PD and get something on file,” she says.

Voluntarily giving money to a scammer isn’t a prosecutable crime. However, it’s still worth filing a police report because it provides a record that your financial institutions may request. And if enough people in the area are making similar reports, the local police can share that information with other law enforcement agencies and with the public. “You’re giving us info [then] you’re possibly helping protect somebody else,” Ashe says.

There are many resources online to educate yourself about romance scam red flags, tips and tools for spotting a scam before you get too involved, and which scams are trending, as well as support groups if you’ve been a victim. Some of those are:

• AARP Fraud Watch Network: www.aarp.org/money/ scams-fraud/about-fraud-watch-network

• AARP Fraud Watch Network and Volunteers of America’s ReST (peer support) program: www.aarp. org/money/scams-fraud/voa-rest-program

• FBI: www.fbi.gov/how-we-can-help-you/safetyresources/scams-and-safety/common-scams-andcrimes/romance-scams

• FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3): www.ic3.gov

• FTC: consumer.ftc.gov/articles/what-know-aboutromance-scams

• FTC Fraud Reporting Center: reportfraud.ftc.gov/#

• Social Catfish: socialcatfish.com/scamfish

And you don’t have to wait until you’ve provided a potential scammer money to call your local police department, says Ashe.

“If something isn’t feeling right, you could always just give us a call and chat with an officer,” she says. “As an outside observer … we could help you if you’re not sure.”

To talk to an officer at the Bangor Police Department, call the non-emergency number at (207) 947-7384, press zero to reach a dispatcher and ask to speak with an officer.

Answers on page 16