Family & Relationship

Audrey Lingg Life Engineer Mentor

Is it OK to not BE OK To Take A Break to Heal And Then get on with life & not stay in the not OK!

Mental illness, overwhelm, depression, anxiety, stress, social phobia, panic attacks, trauma & many others are happening more & more in this present time. With the holiday season approaching the need to reach out to or help someone with any or more of the above is crucial.

Here are some tips to help you through the holidays to elevate your mood, create more resilience & enjoy your holiday and life more.

Few things can beat the power of quality face-to-face time with those you love spending time with, it relieves stress, boosts mood, and is energizing.

Regular exercise or activity may have a major impact on mental and emotional health, relieve stress, improve memory, and help with sleep. Activity is as good for your brain as it is for your body.

If you are stressed or worried or have concerns, sharing these with someone who cares is an effective way to calm your nervous system and relieve stress. Talking it out with a friendly face is crucial.

Listening to uplifting music, squeezing a stress ball, or taking a walk in nature and enjoying the sights and sounds, helps to calm, center and ground. Everyone responds to sensory input a little differently, so experiment to find what works for you.

Make Social Connection a priority - face-to-face is best

Stay Active

Talk to Someone

Appeal to the senses

Make Leisure and Contemplation Time a Priority

Eat Brain-Healthy food that supports strong mental health

Get lots of Sleep

Find Purpose and Meaning

Yoga, mindfulness, meditation, and deep breathing may help reduce your levels of stress

We can all be guilty of being “too busy” to take some downtime, but leisure time is a necessity for emotional and mental health. Take some time to relax, contemplate, and pay attention to the positive things as you go about your day– even the small things. Write them down if you can, because they can be easy to forget. Then reflect on them later if your mood is in need of a boost.

Foods that support your mood include fatty fish rich in Omega-3s, nuts, avocados, beans, leafy greens, and fresh fruits.

Sleep is the body and mind’s best way to recharge and rejuvenate.

This is different for everyone but finding purpose in your day is a big factor in good mental health. You might try one of the following:

If you or a loved one needs support, there are many programs and resources that are available to you in your area.

Engage in work that makes you feel useful Invest in relationships and spend quality time with people who matter to you Volunteer, which can help enrich your life and make you happier Care for others, which can be as rewarding and meaningful as it is challenging Think of one good deed or gesture to do each day

Get professional help if you need it

AudreyLingg

https://empowered-livingacademy.business.site

The Stepparenting Cycle

Maria Natapov Stepparenting Coach & Strategist

Recently, I was reflecting on my early days as a stepparent, remembering many times when I felt uncomfortable as a stepmom.

Frustrated and consumed with tension, emotions, and split decisions, I worried about what everyone was thinking about me and what they wanted from me. So badly want to start off all interactions with my “best foot forward. ”

This is the cycle I want to explore.

Should I attend my stepdaughter ’ s chorus concert? How about her back-to-school night? If not now, when should I start?

Should I say something to my stepdaughter about doing her homework? How would I even say it if I did?

Should I offer to pick her up or drop her off to help out my partner? How will that work without my partner with me?

Sitting next to her mom at cheerleading games and competitions was always stressful… Will she be chatty? Or will she ignore me?

The worst was being an awkward bystander between my partner and my stepdaughter ’ s mother when they had uncomfortable conversations, such as my stepdaughter not turning in her homework during the week.

The stress of getting these things “right,

” or at least not getting them go wrong by adding to the tension, would make my stomach queasy and my knees shake.

As a stepparent, can you relate?

Knowing how you feel but also questioning how everyone else is feeling, how they might react and what’s best for your stepchild. Do you find yourself in a constant cycle of worry and uncertainty which only leaves you feeling more frustrated?

For me, the pressure was too much. I felt powerless and indecisive about how to handle things. I felt paralyzed, like I had no voice.

I was swamped with these thoughts and emotions, feeling like I was drowning in them. I remember thinking “no matter what, someone is always disappointed with me and I can’t do anything right. ” I felt ineffective and hopeless. Sadly, these are common experiences and dilemmas for stepparents. You might even relate to a few of them yourself.

Your Emotions Are Indicators

If you’re finding yourself in a similar situation and experiencing similar feelings, realize these feelings are informing you that something’s off. This is a useful first step to making a change for the better. You don’t need to live this way and there are things you can do to change it.

Imagine for a moment…

Clearly, rationally and calmly thinking through and going to a social event where your partner’s ex will be also and taking powerful action from an intuitive place… Feeling grounded and content in your decisions and attending your stepchild’s school activities with ease… Feeling free to confidently show up in your truth every time you attend your partner’s ex-mother-in-law’s Family Thanksgiving potluck dinner without worrying about anyone else’s opinions… Growing closer in your relationships with your partner and stepchild and delighting in your time together…

All of these are possible for you if you are able to reframe the Worry Cycle into a positive and actionable Stepparenting Cycle. It’s what I did and what I want to share with you in hopes that it will help you as it did me!

Step 1: Understand your origin story and its impact on your life

When I was young and my parents moved us to America, I had to find my voice, not by choice but in order to survive, because my parents couldn’t help me.

They didn’t have a blueprint for navigating my childhood since we found ourselves in a new country with a new language and a new culture with opposite values that they themselves didn’t understand.

Here are some examples just to name a few (disclaimer: this is from my personal perspective and experience)…

In Soviet Russia, children were treated like possessions; American culture aims to help children become autonomous and independent. In Soviet Russia, children were expected to listen to their elders who had all the answers; American culture values respecting boundaries and obtaining consent from youth. In Soviet Russia, citizens were controlled by the government through propaganda, living in fear of retaliation; America values freedom and, at least back then, objective news.

What I was up against, having to move through the newness of the environment on all levels while discovering who I am and my place in the world – essentially becoming a person, was too vastly different from anything they had been through nor could reasonably understand.

It’s not a surprise that though my parents and grandparents had the best of intentions, they just didn’t know how to lead, guide or advise me through this experience, so I had to intuitively find guidance outside of this immediate circle.

Step 2: Find your own voice and define your own values

My early childhood was spent in an environment where I was silenced. My mom was an only child who was very close with my grandparents and I was their only grandbaby. I was intensely loved, but the attention and energy I received all the time was too much.

My grandparent’s suggestions delivered often and intensely felt critical, controlling, and suffocating and I found myself consistently putting in the effort to quench a deep desire to please them to gain their hard-to-earn approval, which left me feeling depleted and empty.

Through it all, I lost my voice.

Most importantly, a little question kept bubbling up inside of me like a quiet, barely audible whisper…What am I doing this for?

All along the message I was receiving was: be a “good girl and obey” . I was exhausted. Feeling like I was trapped in my life and didn’t have the tools to be heard.

Through exposure to different beliefs and a new perspective on life’s purpose and childrearing in American culture, I found freedom and encouragement to challenge the rules of my motherland that were forced on me.

And just like that, I awakened to the power within me to create a life on my terms, not other people’s.

This journey of discovery eventually led me to become a stepmom. I’ve reconnected to and amplified my voice and autonomy. And now, I have a wonderful family who supports me, I love spending time with them, and are my respite, rock, and touchstone.

Step 3: Find your purpose in stepparenting

I don’t believe in accidents. I believe that you are called into your stepchild’s life and the lives of the parents and caregivers that surround them. The same way that these people are called into your life.

To that end, as a stepparent, you are given a unique opportunity. You are coming into the family at a critical time. This season of change ushers in opportunities for growth and recalibration.

These changes are inviting your stepchild and everyone involved to stretch and to see how adaptive, strong, and resilient they are – yourself included.

I know that finding your truth from the little voice deep within and being truly free to make your own decisions are critical milestones and common struggles for most stepparents. Our culture may frown upon or chastise the choices you make to be exactly you and live in accordance with that.

But I believe finding yourself and your purpose is a rite of passage that each of us has to make in order to be truly free to own our unique gifts. We have an opportunity to profoundly impact the next generation by letting them own their full voice and autonomy.

These are things everyone struggles with at different levels even if you’re not aware of it.

Closing The Cycle

In response to this, I founded Synergistic Stepparenting Breakthrough, a proven 5part process to help stepparents transform family chaos into harmonious coparenting by building meaningful and lasting relationships with ease and joy.

I know that you’ve invested a lot of time and energy in the people in this family and that you deeply care about them, you don’t need to give that up just because of challenges.

My methodology helps you build relationships that utilize your personal skills, knowledge, and experience so that you create a strong family foundation that lasts the test of time and weather storms.

All of that is possible for you and I will help you create that life.

I’d love to help you release any frustration and chaos you may be experiencing throughout your stepparenting journey and create harmonious relationships that bring you and your family peace and joy!

Check out my content or book a free call with me at synergisticstepparenting.com/work to find out more!

Until next time, be well!

Maria Natapov

https://synergisticsteppar enting.com/

Stop Spiraling While Communicating

The Easiest Way to Stop the Emotional Spiral On the Spot

Nicole Mason, Relationship Coach + RTT Practitioner

Your heart rate increases, your hands get sweaty, and you start to feel a pit in your stomach. You ’ re getting uncomfortable and can ’t help but go on the defensive, even with someone you love. Or, especially with someone you love.

We ’ ve all had those conversations. We ’ ve all gotten caught up in our emotions. Our assumptions. Our fears. We can all do better, though. Use your emotions and your physical body reactions like alarms that go off.

Whenever you find yourself starting to spiral and maybe your sign is that you start making faces in reaction to what your partner says: faces to signal you ’ re disgusted, annoyed, or even eye-rolling.

Catch yourself doing that and just notice it. Notice what you ’ re reacting to.

Are you hurt? Do you feel alone? Do you feel like you aren ’t good enough? Do you feel like you aren ’t important? Do you feel misunderstood? Like you asking for too much? Not seen or heard? Like you ’ re going to be abandoned? Or, that you ’ re better off alone? Or maybe a combination of these?

Just notice it. Feel it out in your body. Explore it. Then, share it with your partner.

It doesn’t have to be shared perfectly. But, a genuine, in-the-moment response sharing what is happening for you is incredibly impactful for both people.

A simple pause and “That really hurt me. I need a minute to process this, ” is a great way to start.

Once you’ve gotten comfortable with that, take it farther: “I’m uncomfortable with you going out with that group of people after work. I feel like I’m not enough for you to want to come home to so you have to go out on the town and that makes me worried I’m going to be abandoned.

It can be vulnerable to share those feelings so directly, so work yourself up to that point. You have to feel safe to be brave in that way. And, be okay with it coming out imperfectly – the important thing is letting it out.

When was the last time you actually told your partner what was happening for you or in you, without making it about them? If you’ve been wanting to have a real, honest, and mature conversation, this is the only place to start.

Nicole Mason

nicole@relationshiptransformation.com