Returning to work

Returning to your place of employment might not be something you can consider at this stage. From April 2020 in the UK, employed parents are entitled to two weeks paid bereavement leave to be taken within 56 weeks of the date of death of their child. Your employer may make their own decision regarding any additional compassionate leave you may be entitled to.

You can self-certify sickness absence for the first week, and then you will need to visit your GP for a ‘fit note’ to continue to take sick leave. Contact your workplace, or ask someone else to, if you need more information about your employer’s position and your right to paid leave.

How can other family members and friends support me?

Bereaved parents often find it difficult to talk about their grief and to ask for help or support. You can share this page with family and friends to guide them as to how they may be able to support you.

What do I say?

Often people are worried about saying the right or wrong thing to a bereaved parent. Acknowledging their bereavement and saying “I am sorry” as soon as possible after the death of the child or saying “I don’t know what to say” is better than avoiding the subject completely.

Be guided by the individual, some parents wish to talk about their child, others may prefer not to. Use the child’s name and do not be afraid to share any memories you may have. Do not assume to know how they feel or what they need.

Be patient with them. Bereaved parents experience a whole range of emotions and it may sometimes feels as if you cannot say or do anything right. Knowing you are still there to support them when they are ready, whether that is in weeks, months, or years is important.

What can I do?

Ask the parent what they need and be honest with them and yourself about what support you can offer.

Practical support, such as preparing a meal, offering lifts to school for other siblings or appointments, and finding information can be very helpful for some families. Emotional support such as, listening, giving a hug and, remembering special days and anniversaries is just as important.

How do I tell my child’s siblings, and what support is there for them?

Children’s understanding of death changes as they grow and develop a greater understanding of the world in which they live. Like adults, children grieve in many ways and may experience a range of emotions following the death of a loved one.

Infants

Infants have no understanding of death but from an early age will sense that an important person is missing. They may cry more, and older infants may search for the person who has died.

Pre-school age children

Young children begin to develop an interest in the idea of death but cannot understand the permanence of it. They may show a lack of emotion or ask lots of questions. They often ask when the person who has died will return as they expect them to do so. Young children may have disrupted sleep, show changes in behaviour and regression in development.