Practical Help and Advice following the Death of a Loved One
The Rotherham Hospice staff expresses their sympathy and sincere condolences to you, your family and your friends at this sad time.
This booklet aims to provide some help and advice to support you during this time. It details some of the practical steps that need to be taken following a death as well as explaining some of the natural emotions you may experience.
“Memories are the loveliest thing. They last from day to day. They can’t get lost. They don’t wear out and can’t be given away.”
Practical Arrangements
Several documents have to be completed by the appropriate medical professional (Doctor) prior to the registrar contacting you by telephone in order to make an appointment to register the death.
If you have any questions, please speak with the Hospice Doctor or Nurse, or contact the helpline on 01709 308 910. If you have no funds for the funeral, it is important that, before registering the death, you inform the Hospice so they can advise you on your next steps (please also see page 8).
Registrar’s Information
You need to register the death at the address below by appointment:
The Register Office
Riverside House
Main Street
Rotherham
S60 1AE
Telephone:
Who Can Register the Death?
The individual registering the death must be involved with the funeral arrangements and be able to state accurately the following particulars about the deceased:
A. The date and place of death and the deceased’s usual address
B. All first names and surname (and the maiden name, if the deceased was a married woman or widow)
C. The date and place of birth – town, county and country (if abroad)
D. The occupation (and the names and occupation of her husband if the deceased was a married woman or widow)
E. Whether or not the deceased was in receipt of a pension or allowance from public funds
F. If the deceased was married, the date of birth of the surviving widow or widower
G. If possible, the deceased’s medical card, birth and marriage certificates should be taken to the Registrar’s office
The process for registering the death with the registrar is as follows:
• The doctors will complete a death certificate and following changes to the legislation, this will now be sent to the Medical Examiner as a form of scrutiny and independent check. They are based in the bereavement centre at the Rotherham NHS Foundation Trust
• Once the Medical Examiner is satisfied with the information submitted, they will contact the nominated next of kin
• The Medical Examiner will then forward the death certificate to the registrars based at Riverside House in Rotherham and you will then be able to book an appointment
Booking to register a death online
• A new self-service system has been implemented by the Registrar’s Office. Families are now able to book an appointment to register a death online via the RMBC website. Once on the website you will be required to input information on the deceased person, this will then allow you to book in to register the death at the Registrar’s Office within 2 days of the date of booking. You will also be able to order Death Certificates online. The website address is: www.rotherham.gov.uk/deaths/guide-funerals-cemeteries/2
• If you are unable to book online you are still able to call the Registrar’s Office on 01709 823542 to make the necessary appointment
• Please note where there is no Coroner involvement, the General Register Office requires a death to be registered within 5 days of hearing from the Medical Examiner
• After the death registration appointment has been completed the Registrar will send the Green Form 9 electronically to the Crematorium and funeral director. This will allow the body to be released
• The Registrar will also explain the “TELL US ONCE SERVICE”
The Coroner
Coroners are independent judicial officers who investigate someone’s death. If the coroner is involved, it does not automatically mean that the deceased person must have a post-mortem. However, if the coroner decides a post-mortem is required then it could be for one of the following reasons:
• No doctor attended the deceased during their last illness
• Although a doctor attended during the last illness, the deceased was not seen within 28 days before or after death
• The cause of death appears to be unknown
• The death occurred during an operation or before recovery from the effects of an anaesthetic
• The death was due to an industrial accident, disease, or poisoning
• The death was sudden or unexpected
• The death was unnatural
• The death was due to violence or neglect
• The death was in other suspicious circumstances
• The death occurs whilst the deceased is under detention of the Mental Health Act
Coroner’s post-mortems are carried out by law and therefore permission from relatives/next-of-kin is not needed. You can be represented at the post-mortem examination by a doctor of your choice if you wish (there may be a charge for this).
The Coroner’s Office will contact you, but should you have questions in the meantime, please contact them on:
The Coroner’s Officer
Doncaster Crown Court College Road
Doncaster DN1 3HS
Telephone: 01302 737 137
General Office: 01302 737 135
How Do I Arrange a Funeral?
Firstly, check if the person had a funeral plan with a funeral director.
If not, there are lists of funeral directors on the internet. They all may charge different fees, so it is worthwhile telephoning them and requesting quotes before you make a decision.
Once you have chosen and you have informed the Registrar, the funeral director will receive the Green Form electronically from the Registrar’s Office. From there, the funeral director will support and advise.
Burials Abroad
If the person is to be buried outside of England and Wales (this includes Scotland, Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland), the funeral director will be able to help you arrange this. When you register the death, you will need to obtain at least two certified copies of the death certificate (some consulates and embassies require more). You need to give the copies to your funeral director who will then obtain an ‘Out of England Certificate’.
Funeral Costs
You may be entitled to help with funeral costs if you receive certain social security benefits. Help and advice can be obtained from www.gov.uk or telephone their Bereavement Service Helpline on 0800 1512012, textphone 0800 7310464 or the Citizens Advice Bureau (www.citizensadvice.org.uk).
You can also ask the Hospice or your funeral director for advice.
If you have no funds for the funeral and you are not eligible for help with funeral costs, it is important before accepting the death certificate you inform the Hospice so they can advise you on your next steps.
Financial Concerns
Support may be obtained from the Job Centre Plus.
People You May Need to
Notify:
Legal and Financial
[ ] Bank/Building Society
[ ] Insurance Companies
[ ] Credit Card Companies
[ ] Solicitor
Employment and Pension
[ ] Job Centre Plus
[ ] Employer
[ ] DWP
[ ] Trade Union
[ ] Inland Revenue
Domestic and Personal
[ ] TV Licensing
[ ] Vehicle Licensing (DVLA)
[ ] Gas/Electricity/Water
[ ] Dentist
[ ] Newspapers/Milkman
[ ] Cancel Appointments
[ ] Telephone/Broadband
[ ] Clubs/Associations
[ ] Rental Companies
[ ] Royal Mail Deliveries
Items That May Need Returning
[ ] Pension/Benefits books
[ ] Passport
[ ] Driving Licence
[ ] National Insurance Card
[ ] NHS equipment on loan
[ ] Library card/Season Tickets
How the Patient and Family Support Services Can Help
The Patient and Family Support Services can help you in the following ways:
Adults
• Counselling support
• Bereavement support – one-to-one at the Hospice or via telephone
• Bereavement support group and café
• Chaplaincy services
Children
• Rotherham Hospice offers a pre- and post-bereavement service (Sunbeams) for children and young people who are experiencing a serious illness or death of a loved one
• Family counselling
• Children’s support group fortnightly at the Hospice
• One to one support
• Counselling
Books and leaflets are available on a variety of our bereavement services as well as guidance on dealing with grief and talking to children about the illness and death of a close family member or friend.
Please contact the Hospice to discuss the help available: 01709 308 900 reception@rotherhamhospice.org.uk
How Can You Help Yourself?
Your Friends
As well as feeling grieved and sad, you may also feel guilt, panic, fear, self-pity and anger, even at the deceased. If you do feel these emotions, you may feel you should hide them. It would be better to find someone with whom you can share these feelings openly and honestly. You may also find yourself feeling hurt and convinced your friends are avoiding you. Unfortunately, they may not know what to say or how to approach you, so, they may need some help from you. Go to them and show them you want to be open with them.
Your Health
You may also feel mentally tired, physically run down, and find it difficult to sleep or eat and so on. Again, these physical symptoms are not uncommon. However, if they carry on, please make an appointment to see your doctor. Your doctor may also be able to help you if you have unanswered questions about the death of the person you loved.
The Future
Don’t make any hasty decisions about the future. It can sometimes be very tempting to feel that life would be more bearable if you could move house, quickly dispose of possessions or refuse to see people. This only makes things worse in the long run. Though painful, these emotions are better faced head on, rather than swept under the carpet.
Remember, grief is a very individual process and each of us reacts differently.
Don’t feel that you are abnormal if your grief doesn’t seem to follow the general pattern. If you want to cry, cry. If you can’t, don’t worry about it. Equally, if you want to laugh, then laugh.
Where Should I Tell the Children
Choose a familiar and quiet area of your home where you can give your child your full attention without distractions. Try to avoid bedtimes if at all possible.
Give the child the facts in a simple manner, using appropriate words such as ‘dead’ and ‘death’ rather than ‘lost’ or ‘sleeping’. Also give the child permission to ask questions. It is helpful for adults to share feelings of sadness with children. By doing this, children will learn that it is usual to cry when someone dies, and they will know that it is natural for them to cry too.
Grief in Children and Young People
• Children will react and cope in various ways according to their age and level of understanding. Generally, children do not understand the meaning of death until they are 3 or 4 years old. They are likely to go through periods of time when they seem to be unaffected by death
• Children and young people often know and understand far more than we give them credit for
• Knowing how painful bereavement can be, adults may attempt to shield children and young people from the pain by telling them little or nothing about what has happened
• Try to let children and young people share your grief and encourage them to express their feelings. It is common for them to think they were responsible in some way for the death
• Talking, reading, drawing and playing games can be helpful
Support & Bereavement Services
Usually with support of family and friends, people do in time adjust to their loss. However, if you have no support at home you may wish to talk to someone. If so, the following is a list of people you might consider contacting:
• Rotherham Hospice Bereavement Support (Adults and Children)
• Hospice Chaplaincy on 01709 308 900
• Your G.P.
• Your District nurse
• Your Minister/Priest or Spiritual Leader
Child Bereavement Services
Rotherham Hospice Child Bereavement Support (Sunbeams)
Providing practical and emotional support for children of school age.
Tel: 01709 308900 to discuss our services
Child Bereavement UK
Provide support for bereaved children and their family.
Tel: 0800 02 888 40 www.childbereavementuk.org
Winston’s Wish
Provide support and guidance to bereaved children, young people and their families.
Tel: 0808 802 0021 www.winstonswish.org
Cavendish Care Centre
Supportive care to children and young people up to the age of 18 who are experiencing distress when a close family member has cancer.
0114 2784 600
www.cavcare.org.uk
Childhood Bereavement Network
National resource for bereaved children and young people, their parents and care givers.
020 7843 6309
www.childhoodbereavementnetwork.org.uk
Childline
Free 24hr helpline for children and young people who need to talk about any problems they may have.
0800 1111
www.childline.org.uk
Grief Encounter
Provides free one-to-one counselling for bereaved children and teenagers, publishes books on grief and can help you find support local to you in the UK.
0808 802 0111
www.griefencounter.org.uk
Hope Again
Youth branch of CRUSE Bereavement Care set up to help young people after the death of someone close.
0808 808 1677
www.hopeagain.org.uk
riprap
Developed especially for teenagers who have a parent with cancer. www.riprap.org.uk
Adult Bereavement Services
Rotherham Hospice
Tel: 01709 308 900
Macmillan Cancer Support
Tel: 0808 808 0000
www.macmillan.org.uk
Age UK
Combines Age Concern and Help the Aged.
Advice line: 0800 678 1602
www.ageuk.org.uk
Compassionate Friends
Support bereaved parents.
Tel: Helpline – 0345 123 2304
www.tcf.org.uk
Samaritans
Samaritans offer confidential support around the clock to anyone that wants to talk through their problems (free phone from landline or mobile).
Tel: 116 123
Email: jo@samaritans.org
WAY: Widowed and Young
For men and women aged 50 or under when their partner has died.
www.widowedandyoung.org.uk
Dying Matters
Aims to help people talk more openly about dying, death and bereavement, and to make plans for the end of life. www.hospiceuk.org/our-campaigns/dying-matters
Talking Therapies
Rotherham provide evidenced based talking therapies to adults registered with a Rotherham GP who are experiencing common mental health problems such as depression, stress or anxiety.
01709 447 755
Listening Ear
Talk to a trained therapist who will be able to offer emotional health and wellbeing support and practical support.
0800 048 5224
helpline@listening-ear.co.uk
www.listening-ear.co.uk/refer
Men In Sheds
Men’s support group
Kimberworth Park Community Partnership
The Chislett Centre
Kimberworth Park Road Rotherham
South Yorkshire
S61 3JT
01709 559 805
info@kimberworthpark.org.uk
Andy’s Man Club
Andysmanclub.co.uk to find the nearest group
Crisis Team
0800 652 9571 (please note this is a freephone number)
Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide
Purpose is to meet the needs and break the isolation of those bereaved by the suicide of a close relative or friend. www.sheffieldmentalhealth.co.uk/support/survivors-ofbereavement-by-suicide-sobs
Ways You Can Help the Hospice
The Rotherham Hospice provides specialist palliative care, free of charge, to adults in Rotherham with advanced progressive illnesses at any time from diagnosis to the end of life. The Hospice puts patients at the centre, respecting their individual needs and wishes throughout their care. Care and support is also provided for their family members, friends and carers both during the illness and after death.
In order to achieve this, they rely upon their many volunteers who donate their time to complement the work of the Hospice staff. There are a number of ways you can show your support for the Hospice after a loved one has been in our care. The Hospice is 50% funded by the generous donations of the Rotherham community and needs to raise £3 million a year to keep its services running. Any donations towards the cost of caring are always appreciated. Please speak with any staff member to learn more about how you can support us.
The Rotherham Hospice is a registered charity (no. 700356).
Funeral Donations
When planning a funeral, many families choose to limit flowers and ask family and friends to make a charitable donation instead.
If this is something you would like to do for the Hospice, staff can help by providing donation envelopes, which can be given to those attending the service.
Our donation envelopes are a very simple and convenient way to collect donations. There is space on the envelope for the name and address of each donor, meaning we can thank them afterwards and give them an opportunity to Gift Aid each personal donation made by a UK tax payer, adding 25p to every £1 donated.
Please ask for the Fundraising Department on 01709 308 900 or email fundraising@rotherhamhospice.org.uk
Remembering your Loved One with our Memory Tree
A leaf on our beautiful Memory Tree is a lasting tribute to your loved one.
Set in the heart of Rotherham Hospice in our reception area, the Memory Tree helps us remember loved ones who have sadly died. The gorgeous Memory Tree is adorned with gold, silver and bronze coloured leaves. Each one can be engraved with the name of your loved one and proudly displayed on the Memory Tree, with the option to renew after two years.
Your tribute leaf will also help Rotherham Hospice keep providing vital care to our local community for years to come.
• £150 for a beautiful tribute leaf
• Option to renew after 2 years
• Easy to visit
• Helps support the Hospice
If you’re interested, please contact us at fundraising@rotherhamhospice.org.uk, call 01709 308 900 or pop into the Hospice for a chat!
Wills & Legacies
Making a Will ensures that your wishes are carried out after your death. Gifts in Wills transform the work Rotherham Hospice can do for generations to come. Leaving a gift in your Will, or legacy, is a final gesture of solidarity to a cause you feel strongly about in life. Legacies are a vital part of the Hospice’s income and a cornerstone of its future support to the people of Rotherham.
The Hospice works with Make a Will Online who make it simple, safe and secure for supporters to make a Will and leave a gift in their Will. You can go to www.makeawillonline.co.uk/ rotherhamhospice and get a solicitor checked Will.
To find out more about leaving a gift in your Will to Rotherham Hospice, please contact the Fundraising Team on 01709 308 900 or fundraising@rotherhamhospice.org.uk
Fundraising Events
The Hospice organises a number of events every year to help fundraise for the services it provides. There is always information on what these events are and when they are happening, as well as details on how to sign-up, on our website: www.rotherhamhospice.org.uk
Donations
If you’d like to donate directly to the Hospice, you can find a donation point on therotherhamhospicetrust.enthuse.com/ donate#!/ or please ask for the fundraising team on 01709 308 900 and fundraising@rotherhamhospice.org.uk.
Print date: September 2024
The Hospice would like to thank RNS Publications for publishing this information and the following pages contain some features from services o ering their help at this time.
Whilst the Hospice is grateful of their support it does not endorse or recommend any of the services that they provide.
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stopping mail
STOPPING JUNK MAIL
It is distressing to deal with a bereavement and unsolicited mail can be insensitive and destructive during a grieving process.
By scanning the below QR code on your phone or visiting www.stopmail.co.uk, we are able to securely share this information with mailing organisations and under the Data Protection Act the information will not be used for any other purpose.
Other benefits reduce the possibility of identity fraud, such as assumed identity and you will only have to supply the information once.
Do you need help with
Probate Matters?
You may need help, support or advice on what to do when someone dies in relation to probate.
Freephone: 0808 168 5181
Mobiles: 0333 240 0360
We offer free guidance and advice on the legal and financial aspects of bereavement including your responsibilities and whether probate is required.
Calls are free from most land lines, some calls may be monitored for training purposes and all calls are confidential. This service is provided by the Bereavement Support Network Ltd.
