support is there for them?

How do I tell my child’s brothers and sisters, and what support is there for them?

Children’s understanding of death changes as they grow and develop a greater understanding of the world in which they live. Like adults, children grieve in many ways and may experience a range of emotions following the death of a loved one.

Infants

Infants have no understanding of death but from an early age will sense that an important person is missing. They may cry more and older infants may search for the person who has died.

Pre-school age children

Young children begin to develop an interest in the idea of death but cannot understand the permanence of it. They may show a lack of emotion or ask lots of questions. They often ask when the person who has died will return as they expect them to do so. Young children may have disrupted sleep, show changes in behaviour and regression in development.

It is important to provide honest answers but avoid explanations that can be misunderstood, for example ‘they have gone to sleep’.

Primary School age children

Children of this age begin to understand that death is permanent and irreversible. Not being given sufficient information can lead children to ‘fill in the gaps’ with their imagination. They can become anxious about their own and other’s safety.

At this age children need honest answers which can be built upon over time. They need opportunities to express their concerns and feelings to a trusted adult.

Teenagers

Teenagers have an adult understanding of death but may have their own strong beliefs. Bereaved young people often struggle to ask for support and can feel extremely isolated. Some young people may become withdrawn whilst others may increase their risk taking behaviours.

All infants, children, and young people

Regardless of their age, bereaved children benefit from having a key person who they can trust, talk to, and be reassured by. It is important to give children age appropriate honest information following the death of a loved one and to include and involve them in the funeral, memorials, and any decision making. Maintaining a routine, including school attendance, and ‘normal’ boundaries is also helpful for grieving children.

Your child’s nursery, school, or college are able to offer support for them in their setting. Your child’s health visitor or school nurse is able to support you with any behavioural changes your child may experience whilst grieving.

Your key worker and other professionals can direct you to specialist services to support bereaved children locally if required.

For further information about children’s reactions to grief and how to support them, please visit the Child Bereavement UK website, www.childbereavementuk.org