The Funeral

The Funeral

Planning

Planning the funeral for a loved one is understandably a challenging and sometimes difficult task, coming at a time of emotional strain and alongside so many other official and legal requirements.

It may be that your loved one left you a plan of what they wanted for their funeral service, thanksgiving or celebration of life. If you discussed it together, you may already know which readings, poems, songs, hymns and much more that you and your loved one prefer.

However, if this was something that was not discussed, it can seem difficult to know how to plan. You will need to consider such things as:

• Spiritual, religious or cultural beliefs and preferences which may influence the style and content of the funeral.

• Whether to have cremation or burial.

• What type of coffin you would prefer.

• The cost of the funeral and what monies are available for this.

• How to involve children (please contact St Giles Phoenix Service if you would like to talk this through with someone: 01543 434536).

Spiritual, religious or cultural beliefs and preferences

As individuals we have a wide range of beliefs and there are options available for you and your family.

You may wish to contact a minister or civil celebrant who you already know, or your funeral director can suggest names for you. Your minister or chosen celebrant should be able to help give ideas on readings, poetry and could help you to compose a tribute or eulogy.

If you hold particular spiritual, religious or cultural beliefs and preferences, then you can be supported by your local priest/vicar, minister, rabbi or iman in meeting the needs of your family. These arrangements will reflect your own traditions and you will be able to ask about personal options available to you.

You may decide you prefer a service led by a civil celebrant who will be able to guide you through the process and design a service that suits you and your family.

It is also possible for you to arrange a burial or direct cremation where no one attends and then have a thanksgiving/memorial/life celebration event sometime afterwards.

There is no legal requirement for a professional to take your loved one’s ceremony and you may decide to ask someone you know, or do this as a family. In this case you will need to liaise carefully with the place of the ceremony and the crematorium or burial ground since they will each have systems and regulations you will need to comply with.

Once you have decided on a funeral director and your loved one is in their care you might decide you want to spend some time with them in the Chapel of Rest or have them come to your home prior to the funeral date. Your funeral director can guide you. Please note, there is no legal requirement for you to use a funeral director (see page 6).

The Cost of a Funeral

Funeral directors

Knowing what you do and don’t want for the funeral will enable you to find a funeral director who can help you with the service and how you want it to be.

The cost of a funeral can often be a concern. It is advisable when looking for a funeral director to ask for an itemised estimate of cost, and we recommend that you ‘shop around’ as costs vary. This may feel uncomfortable. However, as you will realise, there is so much to be sorted out and this is one financial aspect where information can be gathered in advance.

Some families will have to find the full cost of the funeral while others will have paid into a funeral plan. In either case you may be faced with financial decisions – and even the risk of putting yourselves into debt. It is important to stop and consider what you can actually afford, what the person who has died would want for you and how going into debt to pay for a funeral is unlikely to be a good long-term plan for you and your family. It is important not to sign a contract with the funeral director until you have considered how the funeral will be paid for. If you are asked to sign to confirm the arrangements then you are entering into a legal contract and agreeing to be responsible for ensuring that the funeral is paid for. The cost of the funeral has priority over most other debts on the estate.

Please note that the Quaker Social Action website has useful ideas about planning affordable and meaningful funerals.

Arranging and conducting a funeral without employing a funeral director

www.naturaldeath.org.uk or call 01962 712 690

With preparation and planning, anyone wishing to organise a funeral independent of a funeral director will be able to do so. If this is something you are considering, we suggest you contact the Natural Death Centre for free advice and guidance.

Financial assistance with funeral costs

Details of funeral benefits, which may be available if whoever is closest to the person who has died is on certain benefit(s), can be found on the UK Government webpage.

www.gov.uk/when-someone-dies

If you meet the criteria to apply for the Funeral Expenses Payment (also called a Funeral Payment) this may help to pay for the funeral you are arranging.

– Please go to www.gov.uk/funeral-payments where information on how to complete the benefit application form is available.

– Alternatively, a paper copy of the Funeral Expenses Payment application form with instructions for filling it in can be provided on request from your funeral director or from St Giles.

If there is no one available to make the funeral arrangements or if you are unable to get Government assistance with the costs, then please contact the Bereavement Support Network free of charge on 0808 168 9607 and they can explain what you need to do next.

Sharing the service with others who cannot attend

During a time of bereavement many people want to be comforted by family and friends, so it may be distressing not to have everyone around you due to restrictions on attendance or if distance is a factor. The following suggestions may help you to think through other options:

• Share the funeral details:

Tell anyone who would ordinarily have attended the date, time and place. This will enable them to mark the occasion in their own way wherever they are, which may help them in their grief and, knowing they are doing so, could be of comfort to you. You could also send them an order of service so they can follow along at home.

• Webcasting:

Many crematoria offer a ‘webcast’ service. The funeral would be filmed and you would be able to provide login details to others so they can watch it live online or for a limited period of time after the service.

• Video conferencing:

You can use a platform such as Skype, Zoom or Google Meet to broadcast the funeral for individuals to watch on their own on their laptops/mobile phones. If the Wi-Fi connection is poor for a live video call, consider filming it on your phone or video camera to send to people later. You will need to let those who attend know you are filming the service from the back of the room.

• Voice call or audio recording:

We can’t account for how good the sound quality would be, but if no video options are possible you could try making a phone call to someone at the start of the service, and simply placing the phone on the lectern where the minister/celebrant or family and friends will be speaking.

• Connect with others:

After the service, perhaps contact people who could not attend so you can share the experience and both discuss memories of the person who has died.

• Memorial service/celebration of life:

These can be held at any time or place where you can invite family, friends and colleagues to come together and share their memories.