Children And Young People

Children and young people may respond differently to grief and have thoughts and feelings which they may want to express in different ways. Although it is not possible to protect children and young people from feeling sad, talking openly with them will help them. If you feel you would like further support and advice on how to talk to a child or young adult, please speak to a health professional who was involved in caring for your loved one. Alternatively, you may wish to refer to the websites listed in this leaflet.

The following “do’s and don’ts” may provide some useful guidance.

• Let your genuine care and concern show. • Be available to listen when a child wants to talk.

• Say you are sorry about what has happened. • Allow them to express as much unhappiness as they are feeling and are willing to share. • Let them know it is not shameful to cry. • Encourage them to be patient with themselves. • Tell them it is okay to talk about the person who is dying or has died, and do so yourself. • Encourage them to keep photos, paintings or letters they might have written to the person and talk about memories.

• Be honest and answer questions about death and burial. • Offer practical help - this can be most important in the early stages. • Be sensitive on special days, i.e. Birthdays etc. • Remember for some children death is one of many losses they may have suffered and grieving may also be much more complicated if parents are divorced or separated.

Give children permission to have fun and be happy.

• Let your own sense of helplessness keep you from reaching out. • Avoid them because you feel uncomfortable. • Say you know how they feel - you don’t. • Say ‘you ought to be feeling better by now’. • Tell them what they should feel or do. • Change the subject when they mention the dead person or death in general. • Avoid mentioning the bereavement out of fear. • Point out that at least they have other siblings or parents. • Suggest they should be grateful for what they have left. • Make any comments which suggest the death was their fault.

• Say ‘you don’t mean that’ - try and find out what they do mean.