How are you feeling?

Bereavement is a very personal and, to some, a very painful life event to have to go through. It will be a time where you may be un-prepared and overwhelmed by the strength of the thoughts, feelings and emotions experienced. There is no right or wrong way to grieve as it is unique to the individual and may be influenced by many things such as age, personality, family and culture. It is not uncommon to initially feel shocked following bereavement, even if a death is expected it may still be a shock when it actually occurs. This may be followed by a sense of numbness and disbelief that the person who has died has really gone.

Symptoms and feelings you may experience:

Exhaustion Grief can be very tiring as it is physically and emotionally demanding; many people find they have difficulty with sleeping and concentration. People can experience mood swings and not feel like eating. It is important to look after your own well-being and not to neglect your health. If you are worried about your health, you may wish to consult your GP.

Anger Sometimes people feel angry. This may be directed at healthcare professionals, at friends or family, at a religious entity, or even the person who has died. Sometimes the anger may have no specific focus. In these circumstances, sharing thoughts and feelings with friends, family or a faith leader may be helpful.

People may also experience feelings of guilt or regret, and may often reflect on things they wished they had said or done. It is often helpful to share these feelings with people that you feel comfortable with and can help you understand your emotions and feelings. Whilst for some people it may be tempting to make significant changes to your life in response to your grief it is important to recognise that now may not be the best time to do so. What seems right at the moment may change in the near future. Anxiety, depression, helplessness People can spend a significant amount of time and energy in trying to understand the events leading up to a death and may go over things repeatedly in their mind to try and make sense of their loss. This is part of the grieving process. You may also feel: Sleeplessness and stress - Relief that pain and suffering has ended for your loved one - Aches and pains and other physical ailments. You may become withdrawn from friends and family and find daily routines hard to cope with; be lethargic and have little interest in activities once enjoyed. Grief for each person is very different and therefore you may experience any of the aforementioned symptoms which are all quite normal.

Talking to family and friends may help. Allow them to give you support even if you feel like closing down and withdrawing from the world. They may offer to: • Help with funeral arrangements - emotional support or an extra pair of ears is very important at this time. Make the funeral arrangements when you feel ready – don’t be hurried into making any decisions. Funeral directors are very helpful. If you only have limited funds do not be embarrassed to tell them. They can help arrange a funeral within your finances. • Help with financial arrangements – if you do not understand something ask a trusted relative or friend to assist you. Don’t make any big decisions in a hurry e.g. selling/buying a house. Give yourself time. Contact your GP or local religious or faith community members - don’t feel you are being a nuisance; they are used to dealing with bereaved people and usually offer good support.