Wakefield Hospice Bereavement Booklet

“If you have received this booklet, then you have experienced the loss of someone close to you.

Wakefield Hospice wish to offer our sincere condolences to you and your family and friends at this time.

When someone we love dies it can be a challenging time, even a death that was expected can feel like a shock, and in some cases it can be the first time that we find ourselves arranging a funeral and making practical arrangements, all whilst adjusting to the loss itself.

We have developed this booklet to guide you during these early days and weeks and we hope that you will find the information both helpful and supportive.

Grief is a very unique experience - even in a family individuals may experience grief very differently; there is no right or wrong way and different parts of this booklet may appeal to different family members.

The booklet is split into two sections, practical support, followed by emotional support and additional information about the services available to access here at Wakefield Hospice.

Please do take a moment to read through the following pages.

If there is anything which you are unclear about or would welcome further Information on, please do feel free to get in touch with a member of our bereavement team.

With warm wishes

Wakefield Hospice Bereavement Team

Section One: Practical Advice and Support

Practical arrangements

Registrars information

Who can register the death?

Process for registering the death

The Coroner

Arranging a funeral

People you may need to notify

Items you may need to return

Section Two: Self help and Bereavement Services at Wakefield Hospice

Grief and grieving

Grief in children Our bereavement services

Section One: Practical Support

Practical Arrangements

Several documents have to be completed by the appropriate medical professional (Doctor) prior to the registrar contacting you by telephone in order to make an appointment to register the death (these appointments usually last around 30 minutes).

If you have any questions, please speak with the hospice Doctor or Nurse, or call the hospice on 01924 331400. If you have no funds for the funeral, it is important that, before registering the death, you inform the hospice so we can advise you on your next steps (see page 7 – Arranging a Funeral).

Registrars Information

You need to register the death at one of the addresses below by appointment (the registrar will contact you to arrange this appointment – see ‘Process for registering the death’):

Wakefield Register Office

Wakefield Town Hall

Wood Street

Wakefield

WF1 2HQ

Pontefract Registration Office

Town Hall

Bridge Street

Pontefract

WF8 1PG

Who can register the death?

The individual registering the death must be involved with the funeral arrangements and be able to state accurately the following particulars about the deceased:

1)Date and place of death (if at Wakefield Hospice our address is Wakefield Hospice, Aberford Road, Wakefield, WF1 4TS)

2)Name and surname of the deceased (this should be the name they were known as at the time of their death. The maiden surname will also be required for an individual who has married and who took their spouses surname).

3)Date of birth

4)Place of birth (town and county, or if outside of the UK just the country of birth)

5)Occupation (here you will state what the deceased’s most recent occupation was – if retired you will be able to state their most recent occupation alongside their retired status)

6)Home address (the last home address of the deceased)

Process for registering the death

A death must now be registered in person and the registration must take place in the district where the death occurred.

Firstly, the Medical Examiner (a senior medical doctor) will independently scrutinise a death (whether it occurs in hospital, at Wakefield Hospice or at home/in the community). Their role is to liaise with the family about the cause of death and, where necessary, engage with the coroner if the doctor hasn’t already done so.

Once completed, the doctor will email a copy of the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) to the Register Office –this will include contact details for the next of kin. Upon receipt of the paperwork from the doctor, the Registrar will contact the next of kin via phone to arrange an appointment (usually within two days of the date of death).

On this phone call you will also be asked how many Death Certificates you require (you may need multiple copies if a person’s estate will be going through probate, if you are planning for the burial to take place abroad or for each asset holder (e.g. bank accounts, insurance policy… – you can ask the Registrar about this on the call). Certificates are to be paid for over the phone and will be posted out upon completion of the registration.

If you are the next of kin and have not heard from The Register Office within two days of the date of death, please telephone them on 03454 852888 to check they have the paperwork and to schedule an appointment. If the paperwork has not been received and the death occurred at Wakefield Hospice, please call us on 01924 331400.

A death must be registered within five days from the date it occurred.

Once you have visited The Register Office and the death has been registered, you will receive the ‘Green Form’ (a Certificate for Burial or Cremation) which is to be passed to the funeral director. You may also receive Form BD8 (A Certificate for Registration of Death) if the deceased was receiving a state pension or benefits (this form comes with a prepaid envelope so you know where to send it once completed).

The Coroner

There are circumstances when a death may have to be referred to the Coroner’s Office. The Coroner is an independent doctor or lawyer appointed by a local authority to investigate certain deaths. These may include an unexplained or sudden death, an accidental death, or if the death was a result of an industrial disease for example, mesothelioma (this is not a complete list).

The role of the Coroner is to establish the cause of a person’s death; in some cases, a post mortem and inquest may be ordered.

The family will be kept informed of what is happening throughout this process.

Whilst the Coroner is investigating, the death cannot be registered. This does not necessarily mean that the funeral will have to be delayed.

A Coroner’s interim certificate can be issued so that you can continue with funeral or other practical arrangements.

Arranging a Funeral

Firstly, check to see if the person has already arranged a funeral plan with a Funeral Director.

If not, you will need to select a Funeral Director and it is important you feel comfortable and confident with them – there are lists of local Funeral Directors available on the internet and in the back of this booklet (as a hospice we are not able to endorse any particular Funeral Director over another).

Before committing to a Funeral Director be sure to ask for an estimated cost, it is reasonable (and often expected) to seek multiple estimates from more than one company before making a final decision.

Your Funeral Director will need to know:

-Name, age and religion of the deceased

-The place of death and name of the Doctor who has signed the medical certificate

-Any particular requests left by the deceased

-If burial or cremation is required

-The type of service, hymns, cars, flowers, newspaper notices etc. you would like

-Style of coffin

Remember to take the Green Form to pass on to The Funeral Director

Funeral Costs

Support with funeral costs may be available if you are in receipt of certain social security benefits.

For more information contact any benefits agency or Citizens Advice Bureau (www.citizensadvice.org.uk / 0800 144 8848).

You can also ask your Funeral Director for advice.

If you have no funds for the funeral, please inform Wakefield Hospice as soon as possible so we can advise on any next steps and support which may be available.

Burials Abroad

If the burial is not taking place in England or Wales your Funeral Director will still be able to help you with these arrangements.

Legal & Financial

Banks and Building

Societies

Insurance Companies

Credit Card Companies

Solicitors

Employment & Pension

Job Centre Plus

Employer

Department for Work & Pensions

Trade Unions

Inland Revenue

Domestic & Personal

Landlord

TV Licensing

Vehicle Licensing (DVLA)

Gas/Electricity/Water

Dentist/GP

Social Services (Meals on Wheels, Home Care etc.)

Newspaper/Milkman

Telephone/Broadband

Clubs/Associations/Library/ Subscriptions

Rental Companies

Royal Mail Deliveries

Support available

There are a number of free-to-use services which can help you with contacting the above organisations after a death including www.lifeledger.com and www.deathnotificationservice.co.uk.

The Bereavement Advice Centre can also offer free help and advice www.bereavementadvice.org / 0800 634 9494

Items which may need returning

Pension/Benefits Book

Passport

Driving Licence/Blue Badge

National Insurance Card

NHS Equipment on loan

Library Books and Card

Season Tickets

Medication

Stopping advertising mail

You can register with www.stopmail.co.uk to remove the deceased’s details from any mailing lists, stopping most advertising mail within six weeks. This can also be done over the phone by calling 0808 168 9607.

WH House Clearance

If you need support with a House Clearance our WH House Clearance Service is available to help, with all funds raised supporting Wakefield Hospice. Call 01924 383294 for more information or for a free quotation.

Section Two: Self help and Bereavement Services at Wakefield Hospice

Grief and grieving

Grief is a range of feelings following a bereavement and it can affect people in different ways.

The death of a family member or friend can be a devastating experience, it can be life changing and bring about intense emotions that you have never previously experienced before and feel overwhelming to deal with.

Understanding feelings

Many people feel like they are going mad, this is a natural response to a significant loss but knowing that does not necessarily make this time any easier.

For some people the grieving starts at the time of death; for others it starts at the time of diagnosis.

It is a social and emotional upheaval - the world with which we are familiar has changed, so we may need to adapt to changed circumstances and what the future holds for us.

How we cope with grief can depend on a number of factors including how close we were to the person who died, our age, our personality, the amount of support we get from others and our own beliefs about life and death.

Grief is unique, there are no rules, and timeframes, it can take varying amounts of time for different individuals, even within a family unit people may respond and deal with things very differently

Grief can affect us in a variety of ways, all of which can vary from one individual to another.

Some of the more common responses include:

Social Responses

withdrawn, loneliness, finding everyday situations & relationships hard to cope with

Spiritual Responses

loss of faith, unable make sense, questioning ‘what is it all about’, searching for meaning

Physical Responses

fatigue/lethargy, headaches, change in appetite, disturbed sleep (more or less), tightness in throat / chest

Emotional Responses

Sadness, anger, guilt, relief, fear, jealousy

Mental/cognitive Responses

memory loss, inability to concentrate, health anxieties, fears/phobias

Try not to compare yourself, be rushed by the expectations of others or have unrealistic expectations of yourself.

We all have our own unique journey with grief, and this journey can change each time someone we love dies - there are no rules or gaurantees but please remember 99% of the time the reactions and responses you are experiencing are completely normal.

Grief in children

It is not uncommon for people to want to protect children from conversations about death/dying and the associated feelings and emotions surrounding this.

However it is easy to underestimate a child’s ability to cope. If children are told the truth according to their age and level of understanding, and supported in bearing the associated feelings, this is more beneficial both in the shorter and longer term.

If children feel that things are being kept from them they can become fearful and anxious or feel isolated and confused.

Our top tips

Use Simple, unambiguous language (e.g. died –not fallen asleep, lost or passed)

Maintain open communication –this helps control information children are getting, reducing misunderstanding in what they hear from others or from the internet

Offer children the opportunity to participate in the funeral, cremation, memorial if they wish

Reassure that the death is no-ones fault

Share your own emotions –this gives children permission to express their own in a natural healthy way

Adapt the explanation according to age, development, faith/cultural circumstances/special needs

Give plenty of time and opportunity to ask questions, however large or small

Resist saying things like “Be brave” or “Be strong” as this can be an additional pressure

Here at Wakefield Hospice, we are here to support you on your own unique grief path

Our bereavement services

Wakefield Hospice can provide bereavement support in a number of ways:

-sharing written or verbal information, resources and signposting to further support available

-providing one-to-one emotional and psychological support (face-to-face, by phone or online via Microsoft Teams or Zoom)

-providing counselling as appropriate (again face-to-face, by phone or online via Microsoft Teams or Zoom)

-in a group setting

-through complementary therapy

The following services can be accessed by any direct family member or carer of the deceased individual (unless otherwise stated). If you have any further questions about any of the services or how to access these services please call 01924 331400.

The following sessions are not time limited. We aim to be alongside and support you for the amount of time needed on your grief path, and we recognise this varies from person-toperson. As a rough guide, this support is usually available up to two years from accessing the service (opposed to from the date

Clients are reviewed regularly whether accessing one-to-one support or attending groups, to enable the team to assess everchanging needs, and ensure the most appropriate support is being offered at the right time.

Counselling/Listening Support Sessions

One-to-one listening/counselling sessions at Wakefield Hospice can be accessed in person, online (via Microsoft Teams) or via phone appointment.

These sessions, which each last 60 minutes, take place with a member of the bereavement team, our counsellor or counselling students, and allow individuals the opportunity to engage in emotional, psychological and spiritual support connected to their loss, hosted in informal and supportive surroundings.

This service is accessible for relatives and friends of the individual, with additional sessions for children and young people arrangeable by appointment.

Support Group Sessions

We run a weekly bereavement support group at Wakefield Hospice, taking place every Thursday at 09:30-12:30. This group is facilitated by the hospice team and provides an opportunity to share experiences, stories with peers and come together to receive bereavement support in an informal setting.

There is a different focus topic each week that take place between 10:00-11:00, with attendees welcome to come along for the whole morning or just this focussed session if preferred.

The group works on a six-month cycle. This group is usually suited to those bereaved less than one year.

We also have a Peer Group that is ‘self supporting’ and runs periodically, suited to individuals who have been bereaved a little longer (usually over a year).

Please ask a member of the team if you would like further information about this group.

Complementary Therapy

Our Complementary Therapy team are able to provide direct family members and carers of the individual a number of complementary therapy sessions here at Wakefield Hospice. These sessions can include: Indian Head massage, reflexology, aromatherapy, Swedish massage or Reiki.

Bach Flower Remedies, aimed at improving emotional wellbeing, are also available from our team, developed on a one-to-one basis.

More information on our Complementary Therapy offering can be found on our website: www.wakefieldhospice.org

Support for children

We are able to offer support for children and young people directly and indirectly by appointment, providing emotional support both through talking and creative means. We will work closely with parents, carers and schools/colleges and can provide advice and resource for these individuals and establishments as needed.

Further support available:

Support

for adults

Cruse www.cruse.org.uk

The Good Grief Trust www.thegoodgrieftrust.org

Widowed & Young www.widowedandyoung.org.uk

Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide www.uk-sobs.org.uk

Support for children

Winston’s Wish www.winstonswish.org

Child Bereavement UK www.childbereavementuk.org

Grief Encounter www.griefencounter.org.uk

Child Bereavement Network www.

childhoodbereavementnetwork.org.uk

Age UK www.ageuk.org.uk

Samaritans www.samaritans.org

Childline www.childline.org.uk NSPCC www.nspcc.org.uk

Previous service user quotes

We all deal with loss and bereavement differently, and the bereavement services offered here at Wakefield Hospice may not be something you wish to use, which is of course completely fine.

For many people, accessing services such as counselling, peer support groups or complementary therapy may be a new and therefore somewhat intimidating thought.

Below are just some quotes from previous service users:

On accessing the Peer Bereavement Support Group:

“Thankfully with the intervention of each of you and collectively, you have helped us to navigate our lives in many different ways and you also showed us how best to cope with the peaks and troughs we have each experienced and also with the intermittent rollercoaster, emotionally, we shall have to deal with this hereon in.

“We are deeply indebted to each of you for the kind care, attention, understanding and compassion shown to each of us. Thank you and god bless you all.”

On accessing the Complementary Therapy Services:

“Very special memories were made [at Wakefield Hospice] and we as a family are indebted to the care and kindness all staff provided not just to my uncle, but through the fantastic holistic therapy support provided to myself and his daughter.”

“The complementary therapy was incredible, I never knew such a thing would be available to me and I found it so helpful to take some time to just be able to relax and switch off from the world.”

General feedback on accessing our Bereavement Services:

“The difference and impact they have had on our family is unconditional”

“The team are so kind, so patient and so understanding. I have never known grief like it, but thanks to the team I have been able to move forward and finds ways to cope with my grief, one day at a time.”

Remembering a loved one/ supporting Wakefield Hospice

We all deal with death and bereavement differently, and likewise we each have our own ways in which we choose to remember our loved ones after they have died.

Here at Wakefield Hospice, we have a selection of unique opportunities to remember your loved one, whilst supporting the ongoing care provided for local patients and families.

If you would like any further information about any of the below products, please speak to a member of our team or contact our In-Memory Fundraiser directly using the details below: maggie.keane@wakefieldhospice.co.uk / 01924 331400.

Alternatively further information can also be found on our website www.wakefieldhospice.org

Funeral Collections

Whether taking donations at the end of the funeral or taking donations in lieu of flowers.

Tribute Page

Set up an online page where people can make a donation, leave messages and post photos inmemory of your loved one.

Material Memories

Your loved ones favourite clothes captured in a beautiful keepsake bear or cushion, carefully hand-crafted by our incredible volunteer team.

Summer in-memory events

As well as our Light up a Life event, we also host an annual in-memory event each summer, alongside opportunities to get involved with other fundraising events in aid of your loved one throughout the year.

Tree of Life

Situated in the hospice gardens, dedicate a leaf on our beautiful Tree of Life.

Light up a Life

Our annual Light up a Life events happen each Christmas, giving you the chance to dedicate a light on our Christmas Tree in memory of your loved one. Services held at Wakefield Hospice and Wakefield Cathedral.

Gift in Will

Gifts in Wills provide a vital source of income to Wakefield Hospice, leaving a lasting legacy and supporting hospice care for generations to come.

The Hospice would like to thank RNS Publications for publishing this information and the following pages contain some features from services offering their help at this time.

Whilst Wakefield Hospice is grateful for the support of companies advertising, we would like to stress that the inclusion of any advertisement in this booklet does nor imply approval or recommendation of the advertisers by Wakefield Hospice, nor do we necessarily support the product advertised.

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stopping mail

STOPPING JUNK MAIL

It is distressing to deal with a bereavement and unsolicited mail can be insensitive and destructive during a grieving process.

By scanning the below QR code on your phone or visiting www.stopmail.co.uk, we are able to securely share this information with mailing organisations and under the Data Protection Act the information will not be used for any other purpose.

Other benefits reduce the possibility of identity fraud, such as assumed identity and you will only have to supply the information once.

This publication has been jointly developed between ourselves and the hospice. We hope that it has been or will be of help at this time and we welcome any comments or suggestions that you may have.

Please contact us either by phone, email or by post.