When Someone Dies This information will guide you through what to do and who can help at this very difficult time.
On behalf of all of us here, I would like to say how truly sorry we are for your loss and to let you know that we will be here for you and your family for as long as you need us to be. This booklet includes some information which we hope you will ďŹ nd helpful during this incredibly difficult time and if you need any advice or guidance from us then please call on 01934 423900. Best wishes
Contents Where to start with making arrangements
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Registering a death
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Planning a funeral
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Sorting out your loved one’s affairs
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Coping with bereavement
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Useful contacts
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www.westonhospicecare.org.uk
Where to start with making arrangements Registering a death It is a legal requirement that a death should be registered within 5 days (including weekends and public holidays). You will need to make an appointment, so it is best to do this as soon after the death as possible, otherwise it may be difficult for the Registrar to see you within the required ďŹ ve days. Details of where you can register the death can be found on pages 5 and 6. Who can register the death? Wherever possible, a relative of the deceased by blood, marriage, civil partnership or legal adoption should register the death. If you are a step-relation, contact the Register Office for their advice. If this is simply not possible, any other person present at the death can register it, or failing that, the occupier or manager of the premises where they died (e.g. nursing home) is permitted to do it. If none of the above are possible the person making the funeral arrangements can register the death. Being the Executor of the Estate or the deceased’s legal representative is not, in itself, a qualiďŹ cation to register a death. If they are the only person available, they should contact the Registrar for advice.
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What do you need to register the death? You will need the Medical CertiďŹ cate of the Cause of Death; the official record of the cause of death which must be issued by a Doctor who has seen your loved one within the last two weeks. This may be one of our hospice Doctors, a doctor from the hospital or your own GP. The hospice will inform the Register Office about the death and will send them a copy of the Medical Certificate.
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What information will you need to provide? Currently, all deaths are registered via telephone appointments as families of the deceased cannot attend the Register Office in person. You will need to provide certain information about your loved one, including: • • • • • • • • • •
Their full name (including maiden name if relevant) Last or usual address Date and place of birth Date and place of death Last occupation and industry Marital status (and married name and occupation of spouse or civil partner, and previous spouses or civil partners, if applicable) Date of birth of a surviving spouse or civil partner Whether the deceased had any pensions or benefits paid from Government funds NHS number, if available Any Disabled Parking Badge or Diamond Travel Card (Bus Pass)
You will also need to give your own full name and current address, as the person registering the death. Even if you are unsure of some of the information you should not delay contacting the Registrar for an appointment. If you have documents (birth, death, marriage certificates or passports etc.) in support of the information you are giving, it is worthwhile providing these as well. www.westonhospicecare.org.uk
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What will the Registrar give you? • A Certificate for Burial or Cremation, more commonly known as the ‘green form’. This is the consent needed by the Funeral Director so the funeral can go ahead • A white (BD8) form to be completed and sent to the Department of Work and Pensions to stop payment of the state pension and associated benefits as appropriate • If you require, you can purchase certified copies (Death Certificates) of the entry in the Register of Deaths. You can send these to organisations that need notifying about the death. It is best to get these at the registration appointment as it costs more if they are requested later Your Registrar can help you access the Tell Us Once service (www.gov.uk/tell-us-once) who will do the following on your behalf: • • •
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Inform the DVLA, Passport Service, and HMRC Inform local council services Remove your loved one’s name from the Electoral Roll
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Where can the death be registered? The death must be registered at the Register Office of the district where the death occurred. Usually it is simplest for you to attend there to give the information but if necessary, you could give the information at another Register Office in England or Wales. If death has occurred at the hospice, you can register the death at either: Weston-super-Mare The Town Hall, Walliscote Road, Weston-super-Mare, BS23 1UJ
Clevedon 37a Old Church Road, Clevedon, BS21 6NN
Appointments for either office can be made by telephone on: 01823 282251.
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Register Offices that may be relevant if the death has occurred outside the borders of North Somerset: Burnham-on-Sea Registration Office The Old Courthouse, Jaycroft Road, Burnham-on-Sea, TA8 1LE
Bridgwater Registration Office The Library, Binford Place, Bridgwater, TA6 3LF
E: somersetregistrations@ somerset.gov.uk T: 01823 282251
E: somersetregistrations @somerset.gov.uk T: 01823 282251
Opening Hours Tuesday, Friday 9.30am–2.30pm
Opening Hours Thursday: 9:30am–5.00pm Friday: 9.30am–4.00pm
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Planning a funeral A funeral is a very significant occasion that should reflect the wishes of your loved one – if they made a Will, it may include instructions – and is an opportunity to remember, celebrate, respect and pay tribute to them. It is a bridge between what was – the familiar – and what will be – the unknown – so take your time, discuss your decisions and give the arrangements the careful thought they deserve. You may feel worried that you have forgotten something – the next few pages will help – but if you feel overwhelmed by the pressure of organising the funeral, share tasks with friends and family, or ask your Funeral Director or the person leading the service for help. You can contact the hospice Chaplain if you would like to talk about your thoughts and ideas, or if you feel you need our support in any way before or after the funeral service. You should also understand that you are not legally obliged to hold a service or ceremony; you may simply prefer to arrange a cremation or burial only.
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Choosing a Funeral Director A Funeral Director will make all the arrangements on your behalf. There are some excellent ones locally but you may want to ask friends and family for recommendations. Choose a Funeral Director who is a member of either the National Association of Funeral Directors, or the National Society of Allied & Independent Funeral Directors; both have Codes of Practice that the Funeral Director must adhere to. Once you have chosen a Funeral Director, call them to make an appointment. You can go and see them, or they will come to you at home. You may ďŹ nd it comforting to have a family member or friend with you at the appointment. You are not legally obliged to use a Funeral Director and if you would prefer to, you can make all the arrangements yourself. Advice is available from your local council or the Natural Death Centre. North Somerset Council T: 01934 888888 Somerset Council T: 03001 232224 Natural Death Centre T: 01962 712690
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Decisions you will need to make It is best to go to your appointment with your Funeral Director having already thought about a few things, as they will come up during the appointment. If you are planning the service yourself, this list is also very useful: • Will it be a burial or cremation? • Do you want there to be a religious service, or a nonreligious ceremony, or a combination of the two? • Is there a Church or Crematorium that you would prefer for the service? • Is there anyone in particular that you would like to lead the service? • Are there any dates or times that are best, or should be avoided? • Are there any songs, music or hymns you’d like to include? • Are there any readings, personal or otherwise you’d like to include? • Do you want to hand out an Order of Service? • Would you like flowers, family flowers only, donations to charity*, or a combination? • Do you want to see your loved one in the Chapel of Rest? • Would you like to have your loved one dressed in their own clothes? *If you would like guests to make donations to the hospice, we have some ‘In Memory’ envelopes that we can provide.
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Questions people often ask Do I have to say anything? Not if you don’t want to. You may wish to ask someone to speak on your behalf, like a friend, family member or the person leading the service but you don’t have to do anything at all. Can children attend? Yes, and depending on the age of the child this should be encouraged. Children often feel excluded from the funeral and then become worried by what they imagine happens. The hospice has a range of good books to help you explain death and funerals to children. Is there a right or wrong way to organise a funeral? If you are following specific religious customs then there may be certain things that require inclusion; your religious leader can advise you of this. Otherwise, no – you can include the things that are important and will give you comfort and strength on the day. It’s important not to feel pushed into anything, or feel you should do something because someone else has suggested it.
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How long does it take to organise the funeral? Usually the service can take place within 6-10 days of death but it can depend on: • How limited you are in terms of dates and times • How busy the Funeral Director, crematorium, cemetery or church is • Whether your religion requires burial to take place rapidly Do I have to organise an event after the service? Again, this is your choice, or may be determined by your religion. If you do want to hold an event, think about: • Whether you want a simple buffet or something more formal • How much it will cost • How many people are likely to attend • A suitable venue – perhaps at home, or a local pub or hall
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Paying for the funeral Always ask for an estimate before confirming any arrangements with your Funeral Director and consider getting more than one quote to compare costs. You can pay for the cost of the funeral from your own funds or it can be paid for from your loved one’s Estate, if they left enough money to cover the cost. If there are funds held in their bank account, the bank will often pay the Funeral Director from this money if you notify them and show them the original invoice from the Funeral Director. If there are no readily available funds it may be necessary to wait until Probate has been granted and funds can be released to meet the cost. It is important to remember that by signing the Funeral Director’s contract for making the funeral arrangements you will be legally liable to pay their fees, even if there is not enough money in the Estate, so you should discuss this with the Funeral Director and be clear how the funeral will be paid for before finalising the arrangements. If there are no funds available you may be entitled to help with the funeral costs via a Funeral Expenses Payment. The Department of Work and Pensions on 0800 731 7898 or www.gov.uk can give you information on eligibility. If you do receive a Funeral Expenses Payment it will still have to be paid back but this can come from the deceased person’s Estate.
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Sorting out your loved one’s affairs There can be many things to take care of when someone passes away and it may seem confusing. Remember, there is no rush to do any of the following, but you may find this useful as a prompt for things you might need to arrange. Letting people know As well as letting loved ones know, you will likely have a number of other people to notify, including: • • • • • • • • • •
Employers Bank or building society Personal pension providers Insurance companies Dentist, Optician, GP or other medical professionals Utility providers Mobile phone company TV licensing Subscriptions or memberships Rental companies Professional advisers – i.e. stockbrokers, financial advisers, accountants, solicitors etc.
It is important that you notify only and do not act on any instructions or requests without checking who will be dealing with the Estate.
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Dealing with the estate When a person dies someone has to deal with their Estate – the money, property and possessions they left – by collecting in all the money, paying any debts and distributing what is left to those people entitled to it. As soon as you feel ready, steps should be taken to start the process of dealing with the Estate. If your loved one made a Will, it may be held at their home, or by a bank, solicitor or a trusted friend or relative. The Will specifies what should happen to their Estate and nominates the person, or people, entitled to deal with their Estate – known as their Executor(s). If there is no Will, an ‘Administrator’ will need to be appointed through the Probate Registry to deal with the Estate and distribute it to the people who are entitled to it. The person entitled to act as Administrator is determined by Parliament and specified in the ‘Intestacy Rules’; it is usually the nearest surviving next of kin or relative. Probate is the Court authority; given to those who deal with a person’s Estate, either as an Executor or as an Administrator. Being an ‘Executor’ or ‘Administrator’ is a huge responsibility, the obligations of which may go on for months, or even years.
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You may find it useful to engage a solicitor to help with your loved one’s affairs. They can explain the process, as well as highlight any help or support that may be available. Look for one who specialises in this area and is regulated by the Solicitors Regulation Authority to make sure you’re getting the best advice. There will be a cost for solicitor’s services but these costs can be paid from the Estate if there are sufficient assets.
Stopping unwanted mail and phone calls You can register the name and address of a deceased person with Stop Mail to help stop unsolicited mail. T: 0808 168 9607 E: stopmail@bereavementsupport.co.uk W: www.stopmail.co.uk
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Accessing financial support Bereavement Support Payment You may be able to get Bereavement Support Payment (BSP) if your husband, wife or civil partner died in the last 21 months. You must claim within 3 months of your partner’s death to get the full amount. You can claim up to 21 months after their death but you’ll get fewer monthly payments. Bereavement Support Payment has replaced Bereavement Allowance (previously Widow’s Pension), Bereavement Payment, and Widowed Parent’s Allowance. You could be eligible if your partner either: • Paid National Insurance contributions for at least 25 weeks in one tax year • Died because of an accident at work or a disease caused by work When they died you must have been: • Under State Pension age • Living in the UK or a country that pays bereavement benefits
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Coping with bereavement After the death of someone close, most people experience grief and go through a period of mourning. How you grieve may be affected by a number of factors, such as your relationship with the deceased, the way your loved one died, your age, gender, beliefs, cultural background, previous losses and your personality. Whilst many of your feelings after bereavement will be very personal to you, there are a number of recognised reactions that you may experience. If you are finding your reactions difficult to cope with our Family Support Team is here to help. There are two recognised reactions to bereavement: Loss – allowing yourself the feelings and emotions caused by your bereavement and wanting to come to terms with your loss. Restoration – wanting to take actions to rebuild your life, such as sorting out your loved one’s affairs, going back to work, participating in social activities and learning new skills to help deal with the situation. Complexity of emotions However you focus yourself following your bereavement, it’s likely that the death of your loved one may be a source of stress, which can show itself both physically and emotionally.
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Here are some of the experiences and emotions that may become familiar to you: • Shock - Shock is common in the days and weeks following your loved one’s death and may cause you to feel shaky, numb, empty and out of touch with things around you. You may also experience difficulty breathing, tightness in the chest, nausea and fatigue – these are all very common symptoms of shock. • Numbness - Whilst a feeling of numbness may be distressing, it is a very natural reaction. The mind only allows us to feel loss slowly so this numbness protects you from feeling too much pain all at once – this may help in getting you through the practical arrangements. • Disbelief - It is natural to find it difficult to believe your loved one is no longer with you and when the death is untimely it is even harder to accept the permanence of loss. The thought ‘this cannot really be happening’ may occur. • Confusion, panic and fear - Time is required to take in the enormity of your loss and it often helps to talk it through with other people. The funeral and the remembrance ritual may help you to accept the reality of loss. • Searching - Numbness and shock sometimes give way to an overwhelming sense of loss and you may find yourself instinctively searching for your loved one by calling out their name, talking to photographs or searching for them in the street. You may ‘see’ your loved one, or hear them talking to you. 18
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These experiences can be alarming and distressing but are very normal physical and psychological reactions to losing a loved one. Bereaved children will, like adults, be feeling the pain of losing a loved one. They may be grieving very much but not show it in ways you would expect. They tend to grieve in spurts and go through periods of time seemingly unaffected. Younger children will find it hard to understand the reality of death. A bereaved child of any age, however, will need the attention, support and help of a sensitive caring adult. If you have concerns about a bereaved child and are not quite sure what is best for them, we are able to offer advice, information and support. Family Support Team We know what it is to grieve and how difficult and confusing this time can be so we want to be here for you for as long as you need us. You may have already spoken to our Family Support Team, or this may be the first time you are considering it, either way, we want to support you through the varied and often difficult feelings you may experience after your loved one passes away. If you feel that you’d like to speak to a member of the team, please do not hesitate to contact the Family Services Manager, on 01934 423900.
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How else can we help? Buddy Groups Members of our Buddy Groups have all lost their loved ones at the hospice and may relate to you in a way others cannot. They meet regularly to support each other. Call the hospice for details of your nearest group if you feel this may be a good way for you to work through your grief. Memorials Our Chaplain holds a memorial service every June and December to remember dear friends and family who passed away whilst being cared for by the hospice. It’s a wonderful opportunity to see old friends and staff from the hospice if you feel you need to share your memories of a loved one with them. We will send you an invitation but if you would rather not receive one, you can let us know by calling 01934 423960. We also remember loved ones at Light Up A Life services where you can make personal dedications to loved ones and watch candles and lanterns glow in their memory. There is more information about this event on our website or you can call us on 01934 423960.
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Community Companions If you were visited by a Community Companion before your loved one died, they will remain available as a listening ear should you need one during the ďŹ rst few months of your bereavement. A lasting tribute You may wish to remember your loved one by helping the hospice to care for other people facing something very similar. Many of our volunteers and supporters are people we have known for a long time through their journeys with us. There are several ways you could do this and we’d be delighted to talk to you about volunteering, making donations in memory of your loved one, setting up a Tribute Fund or leaving a gift in your own Will.
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Getting in touch Whatever you decide you need us for, or whenever that might be, we will be here. So please get in touch anytime you like. Bereavement Support, Chaplaincy, Patient Services T: 01934 423900 Volunteering T: 01934 423975 E: volunteering@westonhospicecare.org.uk Donations in memory, tribute funds and gifts in wills T: 01934 423960 E: supporter.care@westonhospicecare.org.uk Weston Hospicecare Jackson-Barstow House | 28 Thornbury Road Uphill | Weston-super-Mare | BS23 4YQ Weston Hospicecare
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Other contacts you may find useful Cruse Bereavement Care Offers free information, advice and support to bereaved people. Telephone and face-to-face support available. T: 0808 808 1677 | E: helpline@cruse.org.uk www.cruse.org.uk Citizen’s Advice Bureau Assists people with legal,money and other problems by providing free,independent and confidential advice. You can contact the office most local to you by searching your location. www.citizensadvice.org.uk Association of Widows T: 0845 838 2261 | E: info@forthewidowed.org www.nawidows.org.uk Samaritans Provides support to explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen during tough times. Lines are open 24 hours a day. T: 116 123 | E: jo@samaritans.org | www.samaritans.org Winston’s Wish Offers practical support and guidance to anyone concerned about a grieving child. T: 08088 020 021 | www.winstonswish.org.uk Bristol District Probate Registry 2 Redcliff Street, Bristol, BS1 6GR. T: 0117 366 4960 or 4961
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Notes .................................................................................................... ................................................................................................... ................................................................................................... .................................................................................................... .................................................................................................... .................................................................................................... .................................................................................................... .................................................................................................... .................................................................................................... .................................................................................................... .................................................................................................... .................................................................................................... .................................................................................................... .................................................................................................... .................................................................................................... .................................................................................................... .................................................................................................... Reference: Weston Hospicecare Bereavement Book Review Date: November 2022 Publication Date: November 2020
Our thanks to CV Gower, Powells with Chawner Grey, Wards and the Superintendent Registrar in Weston-super-Mare for their help in compiling this booklet.
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