H O W T O B E B O D Y C O N F I D E N T

WRITTEN BY VICTORIA KLEINSMAN

What is confidence anyway?

Firstly it’s worth noting what confidence actually means.

Let’s start by looking at the definition of Confidence: “a belief that one is capable of successfully meeting the demands of a task.“

So how does this relate to body confidence specifically? It starts with what demands we think we need to meet in order to be body confident.

Because you and I have grown up in the same (or very similar) society, I’m going to state the demands that many of you may think you might need to meet in order to be body confident:

Being a certain dress size

Having a “bikini body”

Being small, cute, AND sexy – but not too short and not too cute, just the perfect amount of cute and sexy

Being in proportion because God forbid if we don’t have an hourglass figure

Having a small waist and a big bum (until the powers at be change it to heroin-chic again)

Having perfectly smooth dimple free skin

Being hairless from the eyebrows down

Having no razor bumps, ingrown hairs, random long nipple hairs, or toe hair

And everything else that I might have missed because there’s definitely more

Be-Do-Have model

I want to talk about the be-do-have model because this is really key in improving your body confidence (and anything in your life) You see most of us think we need to HAVE the ideal body in order to be able to DO the things we’ve been putting on hold until we have lost weight and then we’ll BE confident

But that’s backward because it’s your beliefs that create your reality, not the other way around And so when – not if – you believe that you can be confident now – regardless of your body size or shape – then you can already DO the things a confident person would do and then you will HAVE confidence You don’t need the ideal body in order to have something you want that will make your life a hella lot better

You don’t need to put your life on hold waiting for some magical day that most likely will never come in order to BE confident in your body And be happy in life That’s a lie we’re told from the moment we’re born in order for us to keep searching, striving, and purchasing things that we hope will bring us happiness

It. will. never. be. enough.

Trust me I was interviewed for the Independent newspaper recently to give my expert opinion on what I thought about buccal fat removal I mean wtf is buccal fat?! Well, turns out it’s the fat on cheeks’ that people are having surgically removed in order to have a chiseled face (I KNOW!!!!) WHEN IS IT EVER GOING TO STOP? WHAT THE F WILL BE NEXT?!

It. will. never. be. enough.

So how the F do you just BE confident?

Great question my love!

I just shared that your beliefs shape your reality not the other way around. What is reality? Reality is different for every single person. No two people share the exact same reality. Your reality is how you see the world You see the world through the lenses of your conditioning and past experiences You can remove these lenses when you are open to changing your beliefs When you change your beliefs your reality changes That’s why “When you change on the inside, everything outside changes” And THIS is very exciting because it means you can literally change your whole life for the better by changing your beliefs! I’ll get to how you do that shortly

I’d like to talk a bit more about these lenses when you’re conceived (yes, I’ve not gone crazy, I am talking about you as a cell) you are wearing no lenses You’re a pure soul that has not given anything meaning

You just are God states “I am that I am” but that’s getting too deep for what I want to share it here!

Picture this, you’re in your mother’s womb and things start to change Your unconscious mind (which you have when you’re just a cell because the mind isn’t in the brain, it’s in every cell of your being) absorbs every single thing in its environment from the day you’re conceived

Yes, It starts as early as this. And so let’s say when your mother was 3 months pregnant (with you) and she was called fat, you would have FELT her reaction to that which would have most likely been embarrassment and shame. POP – you have your first lens to see life… “Being fat is bad.”

You consciously or unconsciously (remember your unconscious is ALWAYS listening) hear your Grandad being racist. POP – now you have a racist lens.

You see your mother’s friends reacting joyfully at your mother’s weight loss and you see your mother smiling POP – another lens “Losing weight is GOOD!”

You notice on TV or at school the “fat kid” being bullied and POP – another lens! “In order to be accepted, I MUST be slim”

Can you IMAGINE how many lenses you have?!

Imagine all sorts of things like that happening from the day you were conceived until you were around 7 years old Up until around age 7 your brain waves are primarily in Theta which means you don’t yet possess full ‘consciousness’ which is the ability to analyze, assess, think about, judge, or reason any incoming information from the environment all new information bypasses this conscious filtration, instead just going straight into the unconscious mind

Simply put: children, during the few years of their lives, are basically walking around in a constant state of hypnosis

Meaning: unlike an adult who hears something & has the mental ability to analyze it, question it, judge it, or reject it, children don’t (instead rather just accept it all). Critical thinking is absent.

Can you see (pun intended) why you feel the way you do about your body?

When you change your beliefs you’re removing one lens at a time with understanding and compassion and replacing it with rose-tinted ones

You can also choose not to replace your lenses with any lens of course – which is deeply spiritual work and will bring you peace (and emptiness) – but in my opinion, it’s much more fun (and human) to choose to look at life through lenses that make you feel confident, happy, sexy, etc

This is a great read about how your childhood affects your life.

Changing your beliefs

And so I’ve shared that your beliefs create your reality and not the other way around.

I’ve shared that when you change your beliefs your whole reality changes

I’ve shared why you have the current beliefs and lenses that you have

Now I’ll share how to change your beliefs in the best way I can in an article/podcast Ideally, I’ll need to coach you through changing your beliefs, not because you pay me to coach, you but because it takes me asking you questions to uncover your limiting beliefs beneath the beliefs, me coaching you through that, AND the support in between coaching sessions each day but as I said, I’ll do my best

In terms of body confidence lets go with “I can’t feel confident in my body unless I lose weight first.”

Let’s say out of all the lenses you’re wearing, the ones that influenced you the most equates to:

“You can only be confident if you look good otherwise people will make fun of you.”

It’s hard to say where I’ve learned this from as it feels so true to me. I guess knowing what I know now, I’ve learned it from everywhere, tv, magazines, school, my parents, everywhere.”

If I had the inability to think that I can’t be confident unless I lost weight first then I would feel… free as if there’s a weight had been lifted It would make space for me to be confident anyway in the body I have My life would be completely different because I’d do all the things I haven’t felt confident enough to do which I’ve been putting on hold until I lose weight

It feels so true to me but I’m willing to work with this and let it go as I can’t be absolutely certain that it IS true I’m sure there are people who are confident regardless of their bodies This belief is definitely not serving me as it’s stopping me from truly living and I’m constantly failing diet after diet and feel worse about myself the more I do

“I’d love to believe that I can be confident in the body I have now without losing weight first.”

“Other people with a similar body to me can be confident but I just can’t I’m different ” This is where you can coach yourself through this objection; “Why can’t I?” ETC Meet every option with love and curiosity. This is where actual coaching is so helpful and transformative.

This is key! Act as if you are already confident. How would a confident person dress? act? walk? think? say? And do that.

You learned all your limiting (and positive) beliefs through repetition since you were a child. You modeled them over and over again through things you saw, experienced, and heard either consciously or unconsciously. And so you CAN create new beliefs. Granted, you can’t be a child again with a different upbringing but you CAN believe new beliefs, rewire your brain, release stored trauma AND create your own reality. And so repetition is super important to EMBODY the new belief and therefore create a new reality for yourself.

What I ask my clients before we start working together is:

Are you willing to change your beliefs around food and body?

Are you then willing to have different beliefs from most people?

If both answers are yes then I KNOW that the client will be living in true food freedom and body love.

Acting as if really want to revisit this aspect of changing your beliefs because it’s the most part Acting as if you are already confident “I’m not what I think I am. I’m not what you think I am. I’m what I think you think I am.”

Charles Cooley

Remember what I said about the lenses? You can take all your lenses off and then you’ll be left with nothing meaning anything.

A tree is just a tree

A flower is just a flower

A dog is just a dog

Chocolate is just chocolate

A large body is just a large body

A small body is just a small body

No meaning positive or negative.

And remember the part where I said it’s much more fun to put lenses on that make life seem fun, happy, and loving?

“There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle” -Albert Einstein

Nothing means anything until you give meaning to something and so whatever “story” you give to something is all BS anyway, so you may as well choose to tell yourself a story that makes you feel good !

THAT’S the power of creating your own reality! Yes, we have a societal consensus that fat is bad and thin is good but that’s because we’re living in dogma Dogma is a belief or set of beliefs that are accepted by many without being questioned or doubted

We get to doubt those beliefs and create our own set of beliefs and start living in our own goddamn reality! A reality where we live as the authentic version of ourselves which is all based on self-love Confidence is a feeling and a choice It is not a body size. The same goes for sexiness. Sexy is not a body size. It is a feeling that then emanates outward. People often think they have to become “confident enough” until they can wear something or do something.

“I can’t go on a date, attend a party, or wear a bathing suit in public…because I don’t feel confident enough yet.”

Of course, I understand fully when I hear people say that – I used to say that – but it got me thinking…

If you think about it, in regard to the activities that most of us say we’re “not confident enough” to do, it doesn’t really make sense

If we were to say “I’m not confident enough to do a presentation at work”, that would fit the definition of confidence IF we didn’t believe that we could present clearly or had the knowledge to share in the first place which would be the demands of the task

But putting on a bikini or going on a date states no demands

To wear a bikini in public, you just need a body and a bikini

To go on a date, you just need to show up to the date at the time and location and be yourself

Any other story you’re telling yourself is just that – a story – that you have learned via your upbringing and societal conditioning

And those stories are keeping you from truly living

And the truth is we don’t usually feel confident before we’ve done something anyway on the contrary, we become confident through the act of doing something

I won’t feel confident in my job, for instance, until I’ve done the job for a while. I won’t feel confident in my driving skills until I’ve spent some time behind the wheel. I might not feel that I have a “good enough” body to wear a bathing suit until I’ve worn a bathing suit a few times (and noticed that I didn’t combust into flames when I did) Waiting to feel “confident enough” to expose yourself in a way that you haven’t in a long time (if ever), is a waiting game that could go on for a while On the contrary, “feel the fear and do it anyway,” be unconfident when you’re trying something new, and see how your confidence is built through exposure and experience

Body acceptance is the foundation

Once you fully accept yourself as you are, flaws and all, body confidence just becomes natural and easy Have you ever seen a woman in a body not seen as society’s “ideal” just totally oozing confidence and being fully comfortable in her own skin? It’s beautiful isn't it ? Even if you have a judgment about her body, you’re still wishing you could have her confidence and self-assurance right ?

When you fully KNOW yourself and ACCEPT yourself exactly as you are, you will experience absolute freedom and liberation People can judge you for various reasons all they like – and they will – but it won’t hurt you because know who you are and own all of who you are And that’s freaking powerful Not only will you be living a free and liberated life for yourself, but you’ll also be giving others permission to be the same. It’s a win-win. So tell me, Queens, when you get up every morning and adjust your crown, what are you going to start doing now that you have been putting off until you felt “confident enough” to do it?

It’s time to truly start living! If you’d like help stepping into the most confident version of yourself, I got you! Explore the different ways you can work with me.

Victoria is a Certified Transformational Life Coach specializing in helping high-achieving women to heal their relationship with food & their body. She is a coach, mentor, speaker, and writer; working with women from all around the globe, speaking at worldwide events, and is a writer for Live Love And Eat Magazine. Victoria has lived with eating disorders and body hate for over 20 years. (she was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa in her early teens and then Binge Eating Disorder and Bulimia in her early twenties). Through her own personal experiences, education, certification, and countless hours spent on personal development, she holds the skills, knowledge, and empathy to guide and support you to food freedom whilst building a loving relationship with yourself and your body. Victoria has profoundly helped many women around the world to transform their lives and she knows the importance and value of constantly investing in and improving herself in order to serve her clients powerfully. Her goal is to positively impact millions of women from all around the world.

https://www.victoriakleinsman.com/ info@victoriakleinsman.com https://www.facebook.com/victoriakleinsman https://www.instagram.com/victoriakleinsman/ Podcast: https://anchor.fm/victoria-kleinsman “Victoria’s Secrets To Health & Happiness” on any podcast platform

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1g1H40rbSQ6Trmcha59kDg

I'll Keep on Being Me

Written By Jace Jacobs

Sometimes people are not as cool as you would like them to be. I like to say, "The haters will hate and the lovers will love and I'll keep on being me".

I'm sure you've experienced a little adversity in life and on social media as well. In those moments, can you still be the authentic you that You want You to be? Yes, that is a lot of you to process Let it soak in Through trial and error, I've embraced who I really am, a high vibe Happy Mindset Poet, who is putting positive energy out into the world and helping others to raise their vibration It's not everyone's cup of tea though

Despite the adversity, when you look in the mirror, do you see the real you? Do you see the person you want to be? The person you are proud to share with those you love? The love I receive online and in person has been easy to embrace and stay grounded. The hate has been a little more of a challenge. As a mindset expert, I trust my training.

I use Mindfulness to understand that each person is on their own particular journey. In some moments, the best they can do is spread a little hate. When that happens, I don't internalize it. I don't dwell on it. I do my best to let it go. With that said, I'm human and every once in a while I have to remind myself of my training. Since you are reading this, chances are you've noticed some happy and unhappy people on social media. In the poem below the emphasis is on being the true you, consistently, regardless if someone is sending you hateful vibes or a bucket of love.

Namaste

Jace Jacobs

Appreciate Everything ~ Love Fully ~ Need Nothing

I’ll Keep On Being Me

Wazzuppp social media

Check out another poetry rhyme I greatly appreciate Your likes, comments, and time

I understand some will dig you And some won’t Some will care about you And you know some just don’t

The Sun will rise another day And the stars will fill the sky I’ll choose to model a lighthouse As the happy and drama pass on by

So let’s keep on trucking Let’s flex some authenticity Haters will hate and Lovers will Love And I’ll keep on being me

Be the You that You want You to be.

Much appreciation and love my friend. Sending you vibrations of happiness and harmony.

Much appreciation, love, and light.

Meet Jace Jacobs! Jace Jacobs is a Happy Mindset Poet, Performer, and Creator @ jacejacobs.com. Jace is an author and spoken word poetry performer. His Happy Mindset Poetry books are available on Amazon or via jacejacobs.com.

Jace enjoys helping cool souls raise their vibrational state so they can experience more confidence and clarity in their life.Appreciate Everything ~ Love Fully ~ Need Nothing#HappyMindsetPoetryVisit the social media links below for video performances of spoken word rhyming happy mindset poetry. https://www.facebook.com/jacewjacobs/ https://www.youtube.com/jacejacobs https://www.instagram.com/jacejacobs https://twitter.com/jacejacobs