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Vol. 44 | No. 11 | JANUARY 3-9 , 2024
EDITORIAL
News & Views
Editor in Chief - Lee DeVito
Feedback ............................... 6
Investigative Reporter - Steve Neavling
News .................................... 10
Digital Content Editor - Layla McMurtrie
Lapointe............................... 12 Opinion ................................ 14
Staff Writer - Randiah Camille Green
ADVERTISING Associate Publisher - Jim Cohen Regional Sales Director - Danielle Smith-Elliott Sales Administration - Kathy Johnson Account Manager, Classifieds - Josh Cohen
Cover Story
BUSINESS/OPERATIONS
New restaurants to look
Business Support Specialist - Josh Cohen
forward to in 2024 ................ 18
Controller - Kristy Dotson
CREATIVE SERVICES Creative Director - Haimanti Germain
What’s Going On
Art Director - Evan Sult
Things to do this week ........ 21
Graphic Designer - Aspen Smit
CIRCULATION Circulation Manager - Annie O’Brien
Food Review ................................. 24 Chowhound ......................... 26
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NEWS & VIEWS Feedback We received comments in response to Joe Lapointe’s column, “From a Detroit point of view, the winners and losers of 2023.” Harbaugh is a winner. When has Michigan football ever been as good? —@itsmead91, Instagram MSU took the biggest L this year —@johnisonlinenow, Instagram [U.A.W. president Shawn] Fain a winner? How about a “winner for now”? Looking forward to your follow-up post. —@jennyusedforrest, Instagram We also received comments in response
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to our restaurant reviewers’ list, “The best things we ate in metro Detroit this year.” This list must be bought and paid for. Holiday market was the best bbq you had all year? Casa Amada tacos aren’t even the best in the area (tienda’s is way better), and this is coming from someone who goes to casa amadas regularly. Cmon metro times be better. —@sethkritz, Instagram Editor’s note: This list was not sponsored content. It was based on all of the restaurants our reviewers visited in 2023. Any sponsored content we publish is always clearly marked as such. Comments may be edited for clarity. Sound off: letters@metrotimes.com.
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NEWS & VIEWS Into the void
How Denise Crittendon went from journalist to accomplished sci-fi author By Eddie B. Allen Jr. “Lileala exhaled, and lassos of light, like spinning golden yarn, swooped around the Kclab weapons and hurled them into the murky pond. Before they could run, the light enveloped them. They screamed, but with each scream, the loops pulsated and tightened and whisked them higher. Whirling and somersaulting, their bodies became trapped inside luminescent ropes that held them thirty meters above the ground. They screeched, pleaded and cursed, but Lileala held on, humming and glowing, unfurling more and more bushels of energy.” –Denise Crittendon, Where It Rains in Color
Newsrooms were literally worlds away from where
Denise Crittendon imagined a gift for storytelling to take her. The founding editor of BLAC Detroit magazine’s predecessor, African American Family Magazine, Crittendon also held posts at the Detroit News, the Kansas City Star, and she was named the first woman editor of the NAACP’s civil rights magazine, The Crisis. But none of her award-winning journalistic achievements satisfied a deep, creative yearning to bring characters of supernatural breeding and their paranormal adventures to the pages of a book. In November, Crittendon’s debut fantasy/sci-fi novel, Where It Rains in Color, was named winner of the Nevada Author Project, held in the state where she relocated a few years ago. The competition, which generated 1,200 submissions, is held in partnership with literary organizations and libraries throughout the continent. Crittendon says the award affirms a long-held desire to enter the genre of literature whose authors she has admired. “I have been drawn to speculative fiction for most of my life,” she says. A self-described “Trekky,” or fan of both the Star Trek and Star Trek: The Next Generation, Crittendon’s career at newspapers and magazines brought accolades that she says never replaced the thrill of giving life to her creative
instincts in a manuscript. Both long before and throughout her decades as a journalist, ideas and inspiration nudged Crittendon toward the ultimate goal of a book that sprung from her imagination, like those of her literary heroine Octavia Butler. “All my life it seemed that I was having peculiar dreams, and I wasn’t in the dreams, but there were these characters,” Crittendon says. “I’d wake up and jot the ideas down and I’d go to work at the paper or magazine.” Published in 2022 by London-based Angry Robot Books, Where It Rains in Color chronicles the character Lileala’s struggle to preserve ancestral traditions while battling enemies who oppose the powers of melanin on the planet Swazembi. Largely a statement about Black women and their collective self-image, the novel contains messages of empowerment. “The book is a way of our taking our power back by celebrating our skin tones,” says Crittendon. “My protagonist, Lileala, is not considered beautiful in spite of her being Black; she’s considered beautiful because of being Black.” While she estimates there are about a dozen Black women who write speculative or science-fiction, Crittendon saw a void in stories that explored the real-life issue of
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Denise Crittendon.
Eurocentric beauty standards and their effects on women of African descent throughout their lives. The trappings of an Afrocentric world with few limits would become Where It Rains in Color’s setting. The story blends an active narrator’s imagination with an awareness of African history’s cultural impact. “I said when I wrote my first novel I was going to create the most spectacular Black planet possible,” says Crittendon. Dr. Curtis L. Ivery, chancellor of Wayne County Community College District (WCCCD), says he admires Crittendon’s professional work, which has included everything from developing WCCCD newsletters to instructing journalism and English classes. “I’ve been impressed with Denise since her days with African American Family Magazine,” says Ivery. “Even back then, I noticed that she had a powerful command of the language.
COURTESY PHOTO
I had no idea she’d be writing fantasy one day, but it makes sense because her writing is so detailed and captivating.” Crittendon says she’s “thrilled” to see her novel published and has received positive feedback from readers and fans. She recently attended a book signing at Hudson’s Bookseller in Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport — a rare appearance by an author at the nation’s busiest hub for commercial flights — having spent much of 2023 promoting Where It Rains in Color in metro Detroit, Alabama, and California, among tour stops. “I believe that, as people of African descent, we need to control the narrative,” she says. “Are we going to go into the future allowing others to define who we are? Are we going to go into the future with the same stereotypes? How do we want to be seen?” She adds, “That’s the bottom line.”
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NEWS & VIEWS
Pistons owner Tom Gores says team vision is “blurry.”
Lapointe
Pistons make NBA history with 27th straight loss By Joe Lapointe
The distance between
Ford Field and Little Caesars Arena is about a half-mile, perhaps a 10-minute walk through the sports corridor of downtown Detroit. But the figurative distance between two of the neighboring tenants can be measured in light years or, more literally, in franchise life cycles. On the football field at Ford, the Lions are 11-4 and divisional champions. In an astonishingly swift rebuild, they are legitimate contenders in the impending tournament for the Super Bowl. It would be their first National Football League championship since 1957, the year the Pistons moved from Fort Wayne to Detroit’s Olympia Stadium. Just up Woodward Avenue is the Pistons’ current basketball floor at the LCA, where the Pistons reached the record book Tuesday night by losing their 27th consecutive game, the most in a single season by any team in the history of the National Basketball Association. This one was won by the Brooklyn Nets, 118-112, an entertaining show before a big crowd in the hockey barn of the Red Wings. Most of the basketball game was fast, furious, and
frantic, with great ebb and flow. Paced by Cade Cunningham’s 41 points, the Pistons’ fans alternated recent chants of “Sell the team!” to bursts of “Let’s Go Pistons!” and “DeeFence!” for at least one night. But, as the home team faded at the end, the chants of “Sell the team!” returned. This should concern owner Tom Gores, the Beverly Hills billionaire who bought the team in 2011 and has built it into the worst-performing franchise in a four-team town and the worst in a 30-team league. If Gores invested his Platinum Equity funds with this sort of return, he’d have to change the first word of the firm to “Tin.” In an unusual online news conference with some of the news media late last week, Gores — after visiting his players and their leaders personally — tried to explain what has gone wrong in the fourth season under General Manager Troy Weaver and the first season under Coach Monty Williams. His answer — according to a transcript published by the Free Press — showed a man seeking a clue and grasping for both words and vision. “I actually talked to the players
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MICHAEL BARERA, WIKIMEDIA CREATIVE COMMONS
about this the other day, with all the losses here, what we still have is a very good future,” Gores said. “No. 1, we have an amazing set of young players. High character, high talent. This set of players, and I know them individually and I saw them the other day, we’re in a great spot with our young talent . . . I’m willing to do whatever it takes for this organization to be successful. As much as the vision feels blurry to me . . . “ His words sounded just as blurry. Someone then asked Gores specifically if this was a vote of confidence for Weaver and Williams. Weaver hired Williams before the season although Williams first turned down the job. Weaver made Williams the NBA’s highest-paid coach at more than $13 million a year. His record is 2-28. “Firstly, I didn’t say there wouldn’t be any change,” Gores said. “You should make sure you don’t hold me to that. We require change. We’re not doing well.” While it is noble that the team owner speaks to the press and public during this historic struggle, it is strange that Weaver has nothing to say. His coach speaks and so does his star player. After the game, on the Bally Sports telecast, Williams said Cunningham “talked passionately” to his teammates after the historic defeat. “Nobody wants this kind of thing attached to them,” said Williams, whose contract reaches at least six years and maybe more. “It weighs on us every day.” On the same telecast, Cunningham said he told his teammates “Don’t jump
off the boat.” “We’ve got to stay together,” Cunningham said. “Push each other. Hold each other accountable. There’s nothing positive about this situation.” Noting both the positive and negative aspects of Cunningham’s performance Tuesday night, Bally Sports’ analyst Greg Kelser hinted ominously that Cunningham — the top draft pick of 2021 — seemed disinterested in the first half when he scored only four points and committed three fouls. “I don’t know if the losing has weighed so significantly upon him, but he looked pretty lethargic to me,” Kelser said, referring to Cunningham in the first half. “You just hope that a guy like that doesn’t become too negative . . . You just don’t want to lose a guy like that, lose him mentally, have him withdraw.” Kelser specifically faulted Cunningham for a second-half shotclock violation when he was unaware of the few seconds remaining coming out of a timeout. There were other self-defeating moments from a team in a devastating slump. Bojan Bogdanovic — who scored 23 points — took a technical foul for slamming the ball to protest an official’s call. Finally, with 7.5 seconds remaining and Detroit down by just six with a faint chance to perhaps tie, their last possession fizzled when Alec Burks threw a cross court pass over the head of Jaden Ivey into the seats, where booing fans rapidly headed for the exits.
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NEWS & VIEWS
Because the Land Value Tax plan requires a vote, Mayor Mike Duggan is on a persuasion campaign in meetings across the city. It’s not going well.
Opinion
The problem with Duggan’s Land Value Tax plan By Russ Bellant
In Mayor Mike Duggan’s campaign for legislation that he says will cut residential property taxes in Detroit and stimulate economic growth, he is stalled. His legislation, called the Land Value Tax plan (LVT), proposes to split property taxes into two rates, one for land and one for structures on the land. While he touts its benefits as a development tool, others see it as a land grab that will not fulfill its promises. Duggan’s bill would allow him to double taxes on all land for all residential and commercial owners. Then he promises an average 17% tax cut by reducing the tax on structures that sit on that land. That is how he proposes to net a tax cut to homeowners — and that is how he hopes to get their vote, if the matter is placed on the ballot. Because this proposal creates a new Detroit tax policy, the Headlee Amendment to the Michigan Constitution requires a vote, so the Mayor is on a persuasion campaign in meetings across the city. But first the Michigan Legislature has to approve the bill package, HB 4966-70, and that is not going well.
Detroiters For Tax Justice (DFTJ) was formed in April to expose and end the Mayor’s capture of big chunks of property taxes meant for schools, library and park systems, and city and school debt payment, as well as county supplemental millage for the education of special needs children. These secretive transfers go to investors in the Mayor’s downtown projects; according to Freedom of Information Act responses from the Detroit Economic Growth Corporation, in ten years the mayor has taken over half a billion dollars to benefactors the City does not identify. But when LVT came along in September, DFTJ added this new tax issue to its agenda, as it became a legislative issue in Lansing. The group sent a letter to all 110 members of the House that raised issues of Constitutional violations, erroneous assumptions of positive economic development, and harm to small independent businesses that have been in the Mayor’s sights for years. It would give the Mayor the power to lower taxes for some and raise it on others. Those others would be vacant lot owners, parking lots, blighted
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property owners, used car sales lots, and “scrap yards.” Duggan called these increases “punitive” taxes. If he does not approve of an owner’s land uses, he will hike their taxes, even if it is a legitimate business. This is supposed to get vacant lot owners and owners with blight on their property to start development or get punished. One of the critiques of this, besides its subjectivity, is that the City itself owns over 91,000 parcels of land, which, at 24% of all parcels, makes it by far the biggest owner of vacant and blighted property within the city borders. But the private owners that are developers are not motivated by threats and bullying. As analyst Theo Pride of Detroit People’s Platform says, these targeted owners of vacant or blighted land see little likelihood of investing in projects where property values are so low that they cannot get a return, until those values rise. “It would take over $100,000 to build a house on any of the thousands of vacant lots in residential areas, and they likely couldn’t sell it for more than $70,000,” Pride says. “So they will sit vacant until the market values take a leap. If overtaxed, they could abandon the property, leaving more cost and less revenue to the City.” Even the promised 17% tax cut promise is iffy. Residents who have put their address into a calculator that predicts their cut are seeing savings well below 17%. And if it goes to the ballot in 2024 and if voters approve it, the City could change its assessments. Then tax cuts could disappear. The Mayor has
SHUTTERSTOCK
a contractor already working on new assessments for 2026. Many homeowners are frustrated that under the LVT, the 20,000 vacant lots sold to them will see taxes more than double. These homeowners took a huge maintenance cost off the City when they bought them. In return, LVT would double their taxes. Finally, the Michigan Constitution’s Article 9, Section 3 has a clause that requires uniformity of property tax policy. Currently, no property tax can be raised or lowered based on anyone’s personal opinion of the land use, such as what Duggan is proposing. It is only supposed to be based on market value. The same Constitutional section only allows property to be taxed at 50% of assessed value. Doubling the land tax would violate that clause. So far, the Mayor has campaigned in public meetings to get support by making statements at variance with the facts and by attacking his LVT critics with false allegations. He has shown regional maps that correctly show that Detroiters have more mills in their property taxes than suburbanites. The Mayor then asserts that Detroiters pay more in taxes than suburbanites, which is not true. The amount that property tax payers are billed is determined not only by the number of mills, but by the charge per mill. And with higher suburban property values, the cost per mil is higher, often much higher. An MLive study done in 2020 of property tax mills and tax bills for Detroit and 21 nearby
suburbs found in 19 of the suburban districts residents paid higher taxes, many much higher, than Detroit. And the study did not include four of the Pointes cities, all of whom are much higher as well. So the Mayor’s comparisons are, to be charitable, not accurate. I confirmed that with regional real estate specialists and with my own experiment, comparing my house in Detroit to suburban houses on sale. I matched square footage, the number of bedrooms and baths, etc. I found that in Warren, Southfield, Livonia, Lincoln Park, Redford, and Ecorse, twelve houses total, that every house had a property tax bill 1.5 to 5 times what I was paying. I know that there are other factors in setting these taxes external to the property. But some of my externals, like a nearby school, library, and close major arteries, were also positive factors with my neighborhood property. My house has a basement that most suburban houses in the sample do not have. So the Mayor has no basis in saying that Detroiters pay higher taxes than the suburbs. In his stressing of getting rid of scrap yards (“they should all go to the suburbs”) he said there were 400 in Detroit, a reduction from the 900 the City claimed on its website in May. But in response to a Freedom of Information Act request, the City list only had 96 addresses and a number of them were used auto parts dealers that do not scrap metal. Others were storing vehicles, with no structures on them. In a PowerPoint presentation on Dec. 13, Duggan characterized parking lots downtown and used car sales lots as scrap yards that need his punitive tax. In this whole LVT campaign, the Mayor has been more focused on driving out “scrap yards,” however he defined them. He said in a Sept. 18 public meeting that he needed more large parcels of land “of 25-50 acres.” He did not say why he wanted the land or to whom it would be given. But his high level of exaggeration of their unwelcome presence and the emphasis he puts on this subject does suggest that these yards, which are not in residential zones, are his target. One other tax that the Mayor has imposed on all properties that is hitting commercial properties hard is a tax on rainfall. The Mayor has put these charges on monthly water bills since 2016. The City said that this would improve rainfall and storm-water management for processing the rainfall on properties that migrates to sewers. But commercial properties that have acres of dirt and no sewers are being billed as if rain on every square foot was going into a sewer. This is being done
to churches as well. Both churchmen and businessmen claimed in 2017, as they filed a lawsuit, that the purpose of the rain tax was to seize land. That was when the rate started at $125 per impervious acre per month. It is now at $695 per impervious acre per month, a 450% increase in seven years that is hitting large yards for $100,000 a year. The lawsuit has been tied up in the courts for six years. Doing a big jack-up on their property taxes may be the final straw that pushes them off their land. Then the Mayor could get the land that he said he wanted back in September. Significantly, the Mayor calls the rainfall tax a “drainage fee” rather than a tax so that he can impose the mandatory charge on churches and so that he can impose it on all Detroiters without voter approval, in violation of the aforementioned Headlee Amendment. But the Michigan Supreme Court ruled in a similar case in 1998 that if a charge is mandatory, it is a tax. Duggan could unilaterally remove most of the rainfall tax from water bills and save homeowners more than anything the LVT offers — with no legislation needed. After stumbling in Lansing, the Mayor’s latest tactic to get support for the LVT bill is to attack his main critic, DFTJ. He has claimed, with no evidence, that scrap yards fund DFTJ. The group has stated clearly that they have few expenses and their members pay those willingly and there are no outside donors of any sort. Duggan has also said that DFTJ was trying to block voter rights even though the group supported an amendment to place the required LTV referendum (if it passes in Lansing) on the November ballot. The Mayor wanted this voted on during the presidential primary election in February, in an election that is shaping up to offer few choices. Who would come out on a deep winter day for that? DFTJ wanted more citizens to weigh in during the biggest voter turnout of the year. During public comment when citizens raised questions that challenged Duggan’s tax policies, he ignored the queries and went to the next person in line to speak. Due to the unease that the State House of Representatives has with this bill, it has been stalled. This is despite the great pressure that Duggan and House Speaker Joe Tate put on Legislators to pass it. The bill went up for a vote on Oct. 11 and failed. The House was adjourned so that the bill would not be ruled a failure. This tactic kept the bill alive, but support did not grow and the House recessed in mid-November with the LTV still stalled. Duggan will try to revive it when they reconvene in 2024.
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EMPLOYMENT
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR PATRONAGE & THANK YOU VETERANS! WE WISH YOU THE BEST IN 2024!
Wed 1/03
Happy Birthday, Morgan Bird! Fri 1/05
Robert Bosch LLC seeks Sr. VP - Regional Business Unit Leader Cockpit Technologies and Head of Sales Cross Domain Computing North America (MULT POS) (Plymouth, MI). REQS: Bach deg, or frgn equiv in Eng Mgmt, Bus Admin or rel + 9 yrs prof exp as a Regional Bus Leader Vehicle Cockpit Tech, Global Sales Leader in Vehicle Elec or other occ/pos/job title involving sales & prj mgmt roles as well as in prod devt & prod strat dev w/in auto indus. Remote Work May Be Permitted. 40 % intl & dom trvl req. Apply online at https://www.bosch.us/ careers/, search [Sr. VP - Regional Business Unit Leader Cockpit Technologies and Head of Sales Cross Domain Computing North America / REF217296M]
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Old Miami Family Night! “Hangin’ with the Old Gang” feat. Detroit Blues w/ Howard Glazier wsg/ Dark Red (Dan & Julie attending) Doors@9p/$5cover
Happy Birthday, James Kester!
EMPLOYMENT ETAS, Inc. seeks Regional Solution Field Manager (MULT POS) (Plymouth, MI). REQS: Bach Deg, or frgn equiv, in SW Eng, Comp Sci, or rel + 8 yes of prof exp as SW Eng Tech Lead, Chief SW Architect, or other occ/ po/job title involving Sr Level SW Eng Specialization w/in auto indus. Telecomm: Remote Work May Be Permitted. Travel Req: 10% dom & intl trvl. Apply: https://www.bosch. us/careers/ search [Regional Solution Field Manager / REF216666T]
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Coming Up: 01/12 Jens Apartment/ Fremont Pike/Junior Smith 01/19 3148s/Escape Plan/ Sean Anthony Sullivan 01/20 Lausten Found/ Libby De Camp /Sancho 01/27 My Ways/Fabulous Henhouse Boys/Brain Waves 02/02 Sea Hag/Scum Queens/ Velvet Snakes/ Debbie 02/03 THE OLD MIAMI TURNS 44! 03/16 3rd Annual Barfly Awards! Voting begins soon! ALL YOUR TEAMS PLAYING ON OUR BIG SCREENS! Book Your Holiday Parties at The Old Miami email us: theoldmiamibarevents@gmail.com
16 January 3-9, 2024 | metrotimes.com
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It’s a Date New Detroit-area restaurants to look forward to in 2024 BY M ET RO T IMES STAF F
In 2023,
metro Detroit gained a bunch of new eateries, bars, and cafes — and we have plenty more to look forward to in the new year, too. These spots are all expected to open in 2024, and we can’t wait to try them. Of course, opening dates are always something of a moving target, especially in this business, so stay tuned. love, plus cocktails and mocktails. PUMA
4725 16th St., Detroit; instagram.com/puma_detroit Following success with Core City’s upscale Argentine restaurant Barda, James Beard finalist Javier Bardauil is getting ready to open PUMA. The new nearby spot will offer a more casual atmosphere to appeal to a younger, late-night crowd. PUMA’s Instagram page says “Coming Soon,” so hopefully we get an official opening date ASAP.
The Kitchen by Cooking with Que 6321 W. Seven Mile Rd., Detroit; instagram.com/thekitchenbycwq With the goal “to bring healthy food to the hood,” Quiana “Que” Broden opened her vegan-centric restaurant in 2015 in the New Center area. In August, she announced that she’s planning to open a second location in the spring on Detroit’s Avenue of Fashion. The new spot will serve the same cuisine people
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Louisiana Creole Gumbo 2830 Gratiot Ave., Detroit; louisianacreolegumbo.com This long-standing spot in Eastern Market closed its original location in November, which owners blamed on gentrification. Fortunately, it’s moving just a few blocks away to a larger home with plans that include a sit-down restaurant, two outdoor patios, and live entertainment. While we wait for more details, you can still visit their other two locations on Seven Mile in Detroit and on Orchard Lake Road in Farmington Hills.
Jollibee 44945 Woodridge Dr., Sterling Heights; 586-544-4090; locations.jollibeefoods.com People were super excited about this famous Philippines-based fast-food chain opening its first
Michigan location. Founded in 1978, the chain is known for putting a Filipino twist on American dishes, like fried chicken, burgers, spaghetti (topped with a sweet sauce, ham, and hot dog), and peachmango hand pies. It was originally supposed to open in October, but apparently the opening date got pushed back to winter 2024.
Vecino 4100 Third Ave., Detroit; vecinodetroit.com As you can probably tell, opening a restaurant often takes longer than people think. This Mexican restaurant with an “agave-forward” bar was intended to open in Midtown in November, but will now open sometime in 2024. The spot is currently hiring for all positions.
Little Liberia 6513 Woodward Ave., Detroit; instagram.com/little_liberia The news that the Room Project, a co-working space for women and nonbinary people, was closing was painful news for many in the community. Looking on the bright side, however, this African-fusion popup plans to open a permanent location in its former
complex the Ribbon, where Gajiza Dumplins plans to open a brick-and-mortar store. The Southeast Asian-inspired eatery has held pop-ups in the former Lost River tiki bar and now at the Fourth Wall, the new film-focused wine bar that recently opened in its place.
Big Chicken Multiple locations; bigchicken.com In August, Michigan-based restaurant operators H&D Group Investments signed a deal with Shaquille O’Neal’s fast-casual chicken chain to develop 20 locations across the state, with plans to open in Ann Arbor, Lansing, Flint, Saginaw, Mount Pleasant, and metro Detroit. The first location is planned for Clio, set to open in early 2024, with a second location announced to open in Highland in the spring.
Ice Cream Detroit 3762 2nd Ave., Detroit; instagram.com/theicecreamdetroit This liquor-infused ice cream and sorbet shop has faced several delays. Expected to finally open in the fall, now its social media accounts say spring 2024. Hopefully, it’s true this time.
Haraz Coffee 1611 Michigan Ave., Detroit; harazcoffeehouse.com
Chef Javier Bardauil, a James Beard finalist, preps for the opening of PUMA. NATE STURLEY
Dearborn-born Yemeni cafe chain Haraz plans to open a second Detroit location in Corktown, one of two retailers that will come to a new seven-story apartment building called Perennial Corktown. With the new spot, the shop will partner with Dearborn ice cream store JJS Custard Co. to bring frozen treats to the menu. Doors are expected to open in early 2024.
Fixins Soul Kitchen 1435 Randolph St., Detroit; fixinssoulkitchen.com
space, with a grand opening expected to come in mid to late 2024.
Dutch Girl Donuts 19000 Woodward Ave., Detroit This may have been one of the biggest Detroit stories in 2023, as this humble doughnut spot was a favorite to many for more than 70 years until it closed in 2021, following the death of owner Gene Timmer. In November, it was announced that the beloved shop had been sold to Paddy Lynch, owner of the Schvitz bathhouse and third-generation leader of Lynch & Sons Funeral Directors. Since the Lynch family has ties with the former owners, hopes of maintaining the same Dutch Girl Donuts are high; Timmer’s son Jon is even expected to stay on as baker, a job he’s held for 20 years.
Gajiza Dumplins 16530 E. Warren Ave., Detroit; instagram.com/gajizadumplins In 2023, numerous new small businesses opened in Detroit’s Morningside neighborhood, alongside a few announcements of planned developments in the area. Those include mixed-use housing and retail
Former NBA All-Star Kevin Johnson is bringing his soul food spot to the D, and the new eatery is expected to be Fixins’ largest location yet, with seating for 325 people. Johnson and his wife Michele have opened three Fixins locations since founding it in 2019: two in California in Sacramento and Los Angeles, and one in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Initial announcements said Johnson wanted to start serving at the new spot by mid-December or early 2024. It hasn’t opened yet, so let’s hope it’s coming soon.
Elephant & Co. 456 Charlotte St., Detroit Just months after Founders Brewing Co. abruptly shuttered its beleaguered Detroit taproom, Eastern Market Brewing Co. announced plans to move into the space, set to open in 2024. The spot will offer self-service taps, Detroit-style pizza, and coffee and doughnuts from Dooped Donuts. Elephant & Co. also plans to offer a first-of-its-kind service in Michigan to deliver pizza and beer directly to customers.
Arrie Location TBA This Southern fusion pop-up, run by chefs Davante Burnley and Dominic McCord, is expected to open a full-service restaurant in Detroit’s Harmonie Park
area in early 2024, according to What Now Detroit. The restaurant is part of a development called the Paradise Valley Cultural and Entertainment District, which will highlight Black-owned businesses.
The Modern Vegan 304 Main St., Royal Oak; instagram.com/themodernvegan.detroit If you’re a vegan who’s always looking for more metro Detroit options, there’s one on the way. This popular Las Vegas vegan spot, which boasts the largest vegan menu in the world, announced in September that it plans to open a Detroit location. While there is no grand opening date yet, the spot is expected to be coming soon.
Pie Sci Oak Park 8140 W. Nine Mile Rd., Detroit; piescipizza.com In September, Detroit pizza spot Pie Sci, known for its unconventional creations, announced it would be opening a new take-out location in Oak Park. While initially hoping to open by the end of 2023, Pie Sci’s website now says the new spot is coming in early 2024.
Lily’s and Elise Tea House 19037 Livernois Ave., Detroit; lilysandelise.com Kimberly Elise is getting ready to open Detroit’s only high tea house on the city’s Avenue of Fashion. After signing a lease for the building in February 2020 and facing setbacks due to the COVID-19 pandemic, Elise is apparently finally in a good spot. The tea house is currently hiring for all positions and accepting reservations for events, and a public grand opening is expected to be announced soon.
Hilton Road Cafe 3150 Hilton Rd., Ferndale Last month, Detroit chef Nikita Sanches (of Rock City Eatery fame) posted a photo on social media showing a key and the Hilton Road Cafe with the caption, “We’re taking it back to where it all began. See you soon, Ferndale! Stay tuned for details.” The long-standing brunch spot closed in 2023 after being open since 2008. We don’t know whether the new business will be the same as the old one or something brand new, but with Sanches at the helm, we’re already excited.
Aussie Grill by Outback 39707 Ford Rd., Canton Fans of the Bloomin’ Onion, rejoice: The Outback Steakhouse chain plans to bring its fast-casual spinoff Aussie Grill by Outback to Michigan in January. It will be the chain’s first U.S. location outside of Florida, and in true Motor City fashion, plans call for a drive-thru.
Sexy Steak and Sexy Burger 1942 Cass Ave., Detroit; sexysteakdetroit.com Two new restaurants are coming to Detroit’s castlesque Grand Army of the Republic building: Sexy Steak will feature a menu focused on steaks and seafood, while Sexy Burger will offer burgers, chicken, pasta, and other items. The new spots are led by Prime 29 Concepts, which also operates Aurora Italiana and Prime 29 Steakhouse in West Bloomfield.
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WHAT’S GOING ON Select events happening in metro Detroit this week. Be sure to check venue website before events for latest information. Add your event to our online calendar: metrotimes.com/AddEvent.
MUSIC Wednesday Jan 3 Live/Concert Foxxy Gwennsday Wednesday & Renaissances Port New Vibes Party ft. Denise Edwards w/ Level Rizon Band wsg Paul Johnson Jr. |Donna Curtain| Terry Thomas & Charity Alexis 6-10 pm; Aretha’s Jazz Cafe, 350 Madison St., Detroit; 25.00. Motion City Soundtrack - I Am The Movie 20th Anniversary Tour 7 pm; Saint Andrew’s Hall, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; $39.50. Woodbridge Pub & The Preservation of Jazz Presents Just Jazz & Blues Every Wednesday Night 7-11 pm; Aretha’s Jazz Cafe, 350 Madison St., Detroit;
Thursday Jan 4 Live/Concert Chrome Waves, Mammon 7 pm; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $15. Queen: From Mercury with Love 8-9 pm; Longway Planetarium, 1310 Kearsley St., Flint; $0 - $8. Queen: From Mercury with Love 8-9 pm; Longway Planetarium, 1310 Kearsley St., Flint; $0 - $8. Queen: From Mercury with Love 8-9 pm; Longway Planetarium, 1310 Kearsley St., Flint; $0 - $8.
DJ/Dance SKA THURSDAY w/FCS SOUNDSYSTEM - LOUNGE DJ PARTY Jan. 4, 9 pm-midnight; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak; FREE.
Friday Jan 5 Live/Concert Queen: From Mercury with Love 8-9 pm; Longway Planetarium, 1310 Kearsley St., Flint; $0 - $8. Anti-Freeze Blues Festival: Bobby Murray Band feat. The Woodward Horns, Raye Williams, Lenny Watkins and Special Guests 7 pm; Magic Bag, 22920 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $20. Morta Skuld, Throne, Jesus Wept 7 pm; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St.,
Hamtramck; $15. Nora En Pure 9 pm; Magic Stick, 4120 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $35-$40. Queen: From Mercury with Love 8-9 pm; Longway Planetarium, 1310 Kearsley St., Flint; $0 - $8. Story Of The Year: 20 Years Of Page Avenue 6:30 pm; Magic Stick, 4120 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $34.50. Queen: From Mercury with Love 8-9 pm; Longway Planetarium, 1310 Kearsley St., Flint; $0 - $8.
DJ/Dance MIDNIGHT CITY – 90s Indie Dance Party w/ DJ Josh and DJ Zumby Jan. 5, 9 pm-1 am; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak; FREE.
Saturday Jan 6 Live/Concert Queen: From Mercury with Love 8-9 pm; Longway Planetarium, 1310 Kearsley St., Flint; $0 - $8. Queen: From Mercury with Love 8-9 pm; Longway Planetarium, 1310 Kearsley St., Flint; $0 - $8. MI Hardcore 10 for $10.00 5 pm; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $10. Queen: From Mercury with Love 8-9 pm; Longway Planetarium, 1310 Kearsley St., Flint; $0 - $8. Rapid Eye Movement - A Tribute to REM 7 pm; Magic Bag, 22920 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $20. ROGUE SATELLITES // ANGEL OF MARS // DJ ZAK F 9 pm-12:30 am; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak; FREE. Rumpke Mountain Boys 7 pm-1 am; Tangent Gallery & Hastings Street Ballroom, 715 E. Milwaukee Ave., Detroit; $20. The Crofoot Presents: Almost Made The Mixtape & Crashing Cairo with Glass Hearts and Ardmore 7 pm; Pike Room, 1 S. Saginaw, Pontiac; $15.
Sunday Jan 7 Live/Concert Chamber Soloists of Detroit Mozart & More – Up Close and Personal with DSO principals 2-4 pm; The Hawk - Farmington Hills Community Center, 29995 Twelve Mile Road, Farmington Hills; $25 in advance, $30 at the door. IAN MAKSIN in DETROIT: CELLO
FOR PEACE TOUR 7:30-9 pm; Wayne State University Community Arts Auditorium, 451 Reuther Mall, Detroit; 20.
Monday Jan 8 DJ/Dance Adult Skate Night 8:30-11 pm; Lexus Velodrome, 601 Mack Ave., Detroit; $5.
Tuesday Jan 9 Live/Concert Todd Albright: Alpino Roots Cellar Music Series 6:30-8 pm; Alpino Detroit, 1426 Bagley St, Detroit; $10.
DJ/Dance B.Y.O.R Bring Your Own Records Night 9 pm-midnight; The Old Miami, 3930 Cass Ave., Detroit; Free.
Karaoke/Open Mic Continuing This Week Karaoke/ Open Mic Karaoke w/ The Millionaire Matt Welz 8 pm-midnight; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak; FREE.
THEATER
Performance
AXIS Lounge Dueling Pianos: An Interactive Entertainment Experience The AXIS Lounge at MGM Grand Detroit features ‘Dueling Pianos’ interactive performances, taking center-stage every Thursday night from 8 p.m. to midnight. With its combination of audience participation and top-class entertainers at the keyboards, the Dueling Pianos experience is never the same show twice, and audiences are encouraged to bring their suggestions to the floor to make each evening’s playlist the centerpiece of a unique entertainment experience. There is no admission fee for performances and events at AXIS Lounge, All attendees must be 21 and over and will be required to provide identification. Thursdays, 8 pmmidnight. Little Caesars Arena Cirque du Soleil: Crystal $55-$130 Thursday Jan. 4, 7:30 pm, Friday Jan. 5, 7:30 pm, Saturday Jan. 6, 3 & 7 pm and Sunday Jan. 7, 1 & 5 pm.
Musical The Year Without a Panto Claus Bring your whole family to this boisterous holiday musical! Santa’s been watching too much depressing
cable news again. When he decides to take the year off, elves Jingle and Jangle search the globe to find him and bring back Christmas cheer. From the brilliant minds that brought you An Almost British Christmas and Sugar Plum Panto. Directed by Carla Milarch, with music direction by Brian Buckner, featuring Monica Spencer, Roxy Carlin, Aya Jackson, Kori Fay, and Leah Fox. The production team includes Monica Spencer (scenic), Jeff Alder (lighting), Genevieve Compton (costume), Becky Fox (props), and Briana O’Neal (stage management). Fridays, Saturdays, 7:30-8:45 pm, Saturdays, 3-4:15 pm and Sundays, 2-3:15 pm; Theatre NOVA, 410 W Huron Street, Ann Arbor; $30 for adults, $12 for kids 16 years and under; 734-635-8450; bit.ly/TNCurrent.
COMEDY
Improv
Go Comedy! Improv Theater Go Comedy! All-Star Showdown The All-Star Showdown is a highly interactive improvised game show. With suggestions from the audience, our two teams will battle for your laughs. The Showdown is like “Whose Line is it Anyway,” featuring a series of short improv games, challenges, and more. $20 Fridays, Saturdays, 7:30 & 9:30 pm.; The Allstar Showdown is a highly interactive improvised game show. With suggestions from the audience, our two teams will battle for your laughs. The Showdown is like “Whose Line is it Anyway,” featuring a series of short improv games, challenges and more. Fridays and Saturdays 7:30pm & 9:30pm 25.00 Fridays, Saturdays.
Stand-up Opening Mark Ridley’s Comedy Castle Josh Adams with Esteban Touma and Amen Alyasiry Think you’ve got a killer set? On select Wednesdays, newbies get a chance at the Castle mic. Sign up is on Wednesdays (from 11am-6pm) for the following week! (We can’t promise everyone a spot, but we’ll do our best to get you on!) To sign up call 248-542-9900 SHOWTIME 7:30pm Tickets to watch will be available at the door. Admission $5 $5.00 Wednesday Jan. 3, 7:30-9 pm.; Stand-up comedian Josh Adams hails from Detroit. In a decade of performing standup comedy, he’s performed on BET’s Apollo Live, HBO’s Hard Knocks, Fox’s Laughs & DishNation and has won comedy festivals all over the Midwest and East Coast. His act is a combination adult humor and masterful crowd work. One of Michigan’s best! $25.00 Thursday Jan. 4, 7:30-9 pm, Friday Jan. 5, 7:15-8:45 & 9:45-11:15 pm and Saturday Jan. 6, 7-7:30 & 9:30-11 pm.
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Continuing This Week Stand-up Blind Pig Blind Pig Comedy FREE Mondays, 8 pm. The Independent Comedy Club at Planet Ant The Sh*t Show Open Mic: Every Friday & Saturday at The Independent A weekly open mic featuring both local amateurs and touring professionals. Doors open at 8:30 and the show begins at 9p. The evening always ends with Karaoke in the attached Ghost Light Bar! Doors and Sign Up 8:30p | Show at 9p | $5 Suggested Donation* Attached bar Ghost Light opens at 7p The independent Comedy Club is a comedy club run by comics for comics inside Planet Ant Theatre. The club runs Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays, offering independently produced comedy shows from 8p-12a. Presented by Planet Ant *Planet Ant Theatre, Inc. is a 501c3 nonprofit organization; no ticket or $5 Suggested Donation Thursdays, 9-10:30 pm.; FREE Thursdays, 10 pm.; A late night, heckle encouraged, show up, go up stand-up open mic featuring both local amateurs and touring professionals. Sign up starts at 10:30 and the show begins at 11p. Doors and Sign Up 10:30p | Show at 11p | $5 Suggested Donation* Attached bar Ghost Light opens at 7p The independent Comedy Club is a comedy club run by comics for comics inside Planet Ant Theatre. The club runs Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays, offering independently produced comedy shows from 8p-12a. Presented by Planet Ant *Planet Ant Theatre, Inc. is a 501c3 nonprofit organization; no ticket or reservation is required $5 Suggested Donation Fridays, Saturdays, 11 pm-1:30 am.
FILM
Screening Longway Planetarium First Friday Through the Looking Glass: A Discussion of the Art of Microscopy From the earliest rudimentary lenses to the marvels of modern science that are today’s state-of-the-art microscopes, microscopy has revolutionized our understanding of the natural world. Beginning with the Nimrud (Layard) lens, a piece of rock crystal that dates back to the 8th century BC, through modern-day devices like electron microscopes and scanning probe microscopes, we will explore how microscopes have been used and improved over time. Join us on this enlightening voyage through the annals of microscopy as we celebrate the minds and inventions that have shaped our understand $0 - $8 first Friday of every month, 6-7 pm.
Artist talk
Artist-led Tour: Skilled Labor with Senghor Reid and Jamea Richmond-Edwards Join us Thursday, January 4, at 6:30pm for the next rendition of our “Skilled Labor” artist tours! These tours will be led by artists included in the exhibition and have been paired together based on connections to each other and their work. Senghor Reid, the Artist-InResidence at Cranbrook Schools and Jamea Richmond-Edwards are each known for their brightly rendered large-scale paintings that make use of rich symbolism. Thursday Jan. 4, 6-7:30 pm; Cranbrook Art Museum, 39221 N. Woodward Ave., Bloomfield Hills; Free; 2486453323; cranbrookartmuseum.org/ events/artist-led-tour-skilled-laborsenghor-reid-jamea-richmond-edwards/.
Performance art Continuing This Week Performance art Mark Ridley’s Comedy Castle K. Trevor Wilson with Camilla Ballario and Beau Lerner K Trevor Wilson, the Man Mountain of Comedy has spent over 20 years in entertainment. A star from Crave TV’s award-winning Letterkenny, he’s also appeared on What Would Sal Do, Showcase’s Billable Hours, NBC’s Darcy’s Wildlife and A&E’s Breakout Kings.As a stand up comedian he’s performed on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Comedy Central’s Roast Battles and multiple times at the prestigious Just For Laughs Festival in Montreal. $25.00 Sunday Jan. 7, 7:30-9 pm.
Art Exhibition Opening Silver Maples of Chelsea “C.A.A.D.Y. Corner Quilters” Exhibit at Gallery 100 Join Gallery 100 for an artists’ reception on Sunday, January 14, at 2pm. This event offers a chance to meet the talented artists behind the C.A.A.D.Y. Corner Quilters’ Exhibit and gain insight into the creative process. Attendees can view the quilts and engage with the artists in a welcoming atmosphere. Gallery 100 is open to the public and provides exhibition space for artists in Chelsea and the surrounding area to enhance the cultural experience of our community. This exhibit will be featured from January 3 to February 29. Free Wednesday Jan. 3, 2-5 pm.
Continuing This Week Art Exhibition Blackbird Gallery at Centric Place Solo Show by Abstract Artist, Dawn Stringer, “HANGIN’ ON A STRING” “Hangin’ on a String” is a collection of paintings created by Abstract Expressionist Dawn L. Stringer. These works offer bold colors, depth, layers and texture. Through an intuitive creative process this collection depicts
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Dawn’s relationship with GOD, family, relationships, healing and trauma, pop culture as well as other visual responses to the current climate of the world. Dawn’s work includes vibrant color pallets, powerful strokes, layers of curiosities and strong texture. Her signature pulling and scraping techniques allows the opportunity for viewers to develop their own interpretations of what they see and feel based upon their personal experiences, imagination anderception. Free Through Jan. 12, 5-8 pm. Cranbrook Art Museum Constellations & Affinities: Selections from the Cranbrook Collection This series of original exhibitions at Cranbrook Art Museum this fall and winter examines the importance of legacy within the artistic community of Detroit. By showcasing artists of the city’s past, present, and future, these exhibitions identify the threads that connect them across generations. The museum will also highlight the career of a former Artist-in-Residence of Cranbrook Academy of Art, whose work and teaching inspired hundreds of students over his decades-long tenure. On view: “Skilled Labor: Black Realism in Detroit” “LeRoy Foster: Solo Show” “Carl Toth: Reordering Fictions” “Ash Arder: Flesh Tones” Museum Admission, Free on Thursdays Thursdays, 11 am-8 pm and Wednesdays, FridaysSundays, 11 am-5 pm.; “Constellations and Affinities: Selections from the Cranbrook Collection” is now open at Cranbrook Art Museum! Sampling from the Cranbrook Collection, this ongoing exhibition gathers a broad and eclectic sampling of objects made by artists, architects, and designers associated with Cranbrook Academy of Art. Arranged like a contemporary curiosity cabinet, the works on view span numerous media and represent a broad range of practices taught at the Academy. Works have been arranged in various constellations to compare and contrast certain affinities in materials, processes, and approaches among the artists while acknowledging the singular artistic vision of each maker. Museum Admission, Free on Thursdays Wednesdays-Sundays, 11 am-5 pm. Detroit Institute of Arts (DIA) The Big Picture Guided Tour Through Jan. 7.; Through March 3.; Free Thursdays, 1 pm.; Free Tuesdays-Sundays, 1 pm, Fridays, 6 pm and Saturdays, Sundays, 3 pm. Library Street Collective Akea Brionne: Trying to Remember Library Street Collective is pleased to present a solo exhibition with Akea Brionne, titled Trying to Remember and opening November 17th, 2023. Brionne is an interdisciplinary researcher and artist whose practice explores the relationship
between history and contemporary society. Working in lens-based media and textiles, her work analyzes the impact of colonial systems on cultural storytelling, memory, assimilation and the African Diaspora primarily with American and Caribbean society. Through Jan. 6. Museum of Contemporary Art Detroit (MOCAD) Intimacy: The Artistic Community of PASC MOCAD is partnering with Progressive Art Studio Collective (PASC) to produce Intimacy: The Artistic Community of PASC, an exhibition surveying the past three years of PASC’s growth in fostering artists with developmental disabilities and mental health differences. This exhibition delves into the interior worlds of over 30 PASC artists, representing personal imagery, art historical and cultural referents, and states of emotional intensity. Intimacy: The Artistic Community of PASC celebrates the uniqueness of this artistic workshop model, which gives rise to unconventional artistic styles and a powerful, supportive community of artists and allies. Presented through Mike Kelley’s Space for Public Good, a series of exhibitions and programs dedicated to community engagement and care, this exhibition highlights the need for cultural institutions to claim spaces for artists with disabilities, who influence the style and subject matter of contemporary art yet are frequently omitted from the artistic canon. Launched in 2021, PASC is the first progressive art and design studio and exhibition program in Detroit and Wayne County dedicated to supporting artists with developmental disabilities and mental health differences to advance artistic practices and build individual careers in the art and design fields. PASC runs three studios in Detroit, Westland, and Southgate and works with over 170 artists across Wayne County. PASC is a program of Services to Enhance Potential (STEP), a non-profit service organization founded in 1972 that provides services and supports for more than 1,400 individuals with disabilities and mental health differences across Southeastern Michigan. Participating artists: Darmeka Bailey, Manual Bart, Ruben Bates, Stanley Brown, Sherri Bryant, Shawna Campbell, Sereal Crawford, Santina Dionisi, Julieann Dombrowski, Chantell Donwell, Robert Duncombe, Zainab Elhasan, Lewis Foster, Eric Green, Ronald Griggs, DeRon Hudson, Lonnie Lowrey, Joseph Lucas, Richard Marshall, Ryan McDonaugh, Keisha Miller, Alsendoe Owens, John Peterson, Justin Pollard, Deanna Poppenger, Angie Rhodes, Jocelyn Rice, Dale Roberts, Marquise Rucker, Rodney Stevens, Jeremy Taylor, Donald Thomas, Roger Toliver, Detroit Angel Tweety, Chris Wansac, Lauren Williams, and Alexis Young. Through Jan. 14.
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FOOD Some middle ground to stand on By Robert Stempkowski
Getting a good grub on in a tavern business model can be a crapshoot. A safe bet for drinks and maybe a bite of something, but beyond that it can become a bit of a gamble. Playing with house money (much appreciated, Metro Times), I came to the table at Dearborn’s Oakwood Grill hoping to walk away a winner-winner twice. Instead, after coming out ahead on my first visit, I decided to cut my losses about halfway through the second. On balance, I’m feeling just about broke-even. Maybe it was beginners’ luck that I experienced initially, on an early Sunday afternoon during the Lions’ bye week. Not as busy as Oakwood might have been otherwise, lunch buddy and I breezed in and had our pick of seats in its open, sports bar-centric space; walled with big screen TVs and set with mostly high tables and chairs, dotted with some banquette and communal seating, and at least one hookah lounge-kushy booth we initially grabbed but dropped way too deep into. Seconds after resettling on the nearest highboy furniture, we chattedup our perky and pleasant server before ordering a couple preliminary courses. Over the next hour or so, she and the bartender tag-teamed the entire room with smiley hospitality, getting food, drinks, and refills to dozens of customers in short and good order. Tearing into Oakwood’s “She’s Berry Nuts” salad ($13.95) and “Philly Spinach and Artichoke” dip ($10.95), buddy and I agreed the greens really brought the goods. A late-autumn-sized leaf pile of fresh, field-variety lettuces came tossed with loads of dried cranberries and raisins, walnuts (candied?), and sun seeds, studded throughout with chopped tomato, red onion, and crumbled blue cheese, all judiciously dressed with a low-fat raspberry vinaigrette that tasted better than advertised. We should have brought along a third healthy eater to share this one salad with us. The melty,
Oakwood Bar & Grill in Dearborn’s OK for what it is.
cheesy, and chunky dip, meanwhile, was tasty, too, though the “fresh” corn tortilla chips — probably not quite what the menu promised — cooled our overall praise. It’s so easy to make an elevated impression when these are flash-fried then served still warm and crispy. And such a wasted opportunity when they aren’t, for what it’s worth. Where other value perceptions were concerned, the kitchen’s rendering of its “Righteous Reuben” ($12.95) and a pub-respectable platter of fish and chips ($15.95) both proved admirable efforts. The former, affording us thinsliced and tender corned beef teamed classically with sauerkraut, Swiss, and slathered Thousand Island dressing, came sandwiched on grilled and perfectly greaseless marble Rye. The latter, with succulent steamy white cod loin pieces cocooned in crunchylight beer batter were good enough to make a flaccidly (in flavor and texture) forgettable side of slaw forgivable on balance. And here’s a bonus point for fresh-cut lemon wedges on the plate, which so many fish dish garnishers these days don’t seem to feel is necessary, though it damn sure is. I digress. As to the waffle fries that came with; they’re not my favorite French-fried potato to complement this EnglishIrish classic, but these were surprisingly well-seasoned and cooked crispyfluffy, outside-in. After finishing a strictly institutional slice of carrot cake ($5.50) salvaged slightly by our server’s suggestion of caramel sauce (squeeze bottle stuff, at
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no extra charge on my bill), I felt I’d had enough to know a, say, three-plusstar review of Oakwood’s fare having tasted one. After duty required a second sampling, sadly, I had to reassess. The stars started to dim the second I saw my all-too-precious portion of seafood chowder (“Homemade Soups” $4 cup, $5.50 bowl). How small was it? I could have hollowed-out a billiard ball from Oakwood’s pool table and had two fingers of room left after pouring in the amount I was served. More’s the pity, since the chowder itself was solid for sure: roux-based, mediumthick, and laced with a bit of Old Bay I bet; swimming with shrimp, chopped celery, and onion, as a proper chowder should be. I get it. How much seafoodbased goodness does four bucks secure? Still, this soup cup plating looks paltry, period. I’d charge a little more and change that if it was up to me. The appearance of stingy portioning next plagued my mostly empty plate of Filet Tips ($14.95). Again, I know fifteen bucks doesn’t buy much beef tenderloin. Even so, seven stew meat-sized cubes laid side-by-side the length of a long, rectangular plate painted a picture of starvation dieting more so than a small plate sampling. And the “garlic toast” go-with sure was: thin, sliced bag bread neither browned nor bathed with enough garlicky butter to look or taste like such. The filet fragments themselves came medium-rare as ordered, yet unappetizingly gray and under-seasoned, with a cup of separated oil/butterfat
ROBERT STEMPKOWSKI
Oakwood Bar & Grill 17621 Oakwood Blvd., Dearborn 313-451-8970 theoakwoodgrill.com Appetizers $4.95-$14.95, entrées $15.95$38.95
and jus adding another layer of disappointment. Thinking I couldn’t go wrong with wings ($12 for 8, bone-in or boneless), I was almost right. Fryer or grill-finished with a slight, crispy char, mine were fine, basted in honey barbecue and dipped into the bleu cheese option my attentive bartender offered while taking good care of me. The only thing missing was the carrot and celery accompaniment the menu mentioned. At that point, I didn’t bother bringing it up. Sigh. As an eatery, Oakwood goes so far as to offer market-priced proteins ranging from Ribeye and Filet Mignon ($35$39) to seafood and lamb ($22-$28). After thinking I’d try their “Chicken Parm” ($17.95) for a finale, too many less-than-satisfying menu samplings to that point gave me second thoughts. What I’m left with in summing up what this particular bar and grill’s all about is that it’s abundantly average, plain and simple. The service is there. The customers there seem content enough with what the place has to offer. Some of the food’s commendable. Some, not so much. In a word, Oakwood’s just “there.”
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FOOD
A smokeshow I’ll never forget.
SHUTTERSTOCK
Chowhound
My all-time New Year’s ‘Eve’ By Robert Stempkowski Chowhound is a weekly column about what’s trending in Detroit food culture. Tips: eat@metrotimes.com.
It was years ago. I’ll never forget that girl. She didn’t know me from Adam, yet she lit a light that turned my bar into a virtual vision of Eden, in all its God-given beauty and devilish temptation. “Hey, Sweetie,” I heard her siren voice hiss softly from behind me. And there she sat suddenly at the opposite side of my instantly lucking-feeling horseshoe bar; the cutest little half-dead kitty my libidinous man-mind could have ever dreamed up, curled up and coiled on one of my New Year’s Day barstools, looking like she needed to lick a few self-inflicted wounds. “May we have two double bloody marys, when you have a moment, sweetheart?” she said, drawing me in, all smiles in smeared makeup and last night’s tight party dress. “Who’s we?” I wondered back outloud, hoping the other was for her mother or a brother. “My boyfriend,” she said. “He’s in the bathroom.” She grinned over giving me the answer she knew I hadn’t hoped to hear. “How ‘bout a look at the menu, Sunshine?” I offered, trying to get her
to have a little something and flirting anyway. “Don’t think I could eat,” she admitted to feeling a little queasy. I stopped everything to make her drinks. She downed them both herself by the time Boyfriend finished his business. “My bad, Sweetie,” she apologized to me doe-eyed. “Two more, please?” “We’re dead-ass hungover, dude,” Boyfriend felt I needed to be filled-in. “Haven’t slept.” “Been there, bro,” I offered a bartender’s obligatory empathy, only wishing I’d been awake all night with the little lady myself. I made them six drinks in maybe twenty minutes. Eve finished four of them as she and Boyfriend sat with nothing much to say to each other. There was no conversation between them to eves-drop or butt-into, so I just passed by them both a bit more than I needed to, making eye contact with a beauty now boozed up enough to find me attractive. “I’m out,” were the last words I heard Boyfriend speak before he headed for the door. “So, how was your night last night?” Eve, all by her lonesome suddenly, asked me on my next, almost-immediate spin back around to her.
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“I work late every New Year’s Eve, Buttercup,” I explained a little more affectionately before asking, “Where’s your boyfriend? Back in the bathroom?” “Nope. He tapped out. Gone. More of a friend, actually.” “Yeah, I miss out on all the New Year’s Eve fun, sadly,” I frowned, fishing for another smile from her. “Poor Sweetie,” she sighed and obliged me a gorgeous one. After I tended to a little more bar business, Eve called me back over. “Do you have a book of matches, Babe?” Now, she was sounding almost amorous toward me. “I’ve got a lighter,” I reached fast into my front pants pocket, where my brains were at that moment. “See if you can find me some matches,” she insisted. I found a box of stick matches. Still, she persisted. “Book matches, Babe. Trust me.” After a quick search turned some up, I dropped them obediently before her like an eager-toplease pup. “Thank you. That’s it. Check please.” After all that back and forth between us, she didn’t light up (you could smoke in bars in those days). More curious still, she seemed dismissive toward me all of a sudden, and looking to leave. Feeling strangely shot down, I walked around to the register after quietly
picking up her cash. Head down, I’d barely begun the counting when I heard her calling my name out loud again. “Happy New Year, Sweetie! Happy New Year!” What turned my head this time was over and above and beyond all the beauty I’d seen in her until that instant. Sitting topless now in her seat at my bar, she sat there a bare-breasted vision; having pulled apart two paper matches wishbone-style, attaching them to her nipples, and lighting them to gloriously glowing effect. It was a stripper’s trick I’d never been treated to before (nor since), and it was certainly a sight to see that she decided to put on just for me. My conscience pings more than a little these days, retelling this tale. My intentions in the retelling are not misogynistic, nor do they serve as endorsement for similar performances of any prurient nature, and by no means, do I wish to add fuel to the fire of any attempts at sexual titillation — with or without pyrotechnics — or condone even partial displays of public nudity for any purposes. All I’m saying here is that I once witnessed just such a New Year’s “Eve” performance. And the star of that show still burns bright in my memory.
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CULTURE Artist of the week
A visit to Donald Calloway’s new studio By Randiah Camille Green
Donald Calloway is busy
in the kitchen, paying me no mind as I peruse his studio. He’s tending to a tall pot of peanut soup packed with strips of kale and baby corn. Then he crafts an elaborate tray of fresh rolls stuffed with oyster mushrooms atop a bed of spiralized carrots. Around them, he places cups of fruit — berries, pineapples, and grapes. Of course, he presents his food with precise attention to each detail. He’s an artist, after all. I’m more interested in the Queen of Hearts painting hanging in the corner. The mixed media piece is part painting, part sculpture, with the queen’s blue face jutting off the canvas. She holds in her 3D arms made of who-knows-what a heart-shaped scepter, and her pursed lips give her attitude. Across the room, nails protrude from a heart painted black. Oil portraits cover the staircase, with subjects making exaggerated and silly faces. Upstairs he’s fashioned flowers from table legs, cake molds, spatulas, and spoons. A winding wooden sculpture, folded into ribbons, seems to flow in through a window as if from another dimension. I stop in front of a hulking piece of wood cuttings assembled in a maze — triangles, cylinders, hearts, and spools are arranged like a bumpy map of the city. “Most of the pieces I just find,” he says, coming upstairs to tell me the food is ready. “Someone threw them out or they are pieces of other [art] pieces that I took apart.” A few months ago he moved out of his Greektown studio, where he’s been living and working for the past 30 years, to this space owned by Irwin House Gallery. It’s located in a historic home next to the gallery on W. Grand Boulevard and is an upgrade from his former cramped and rat-infested space. The last straw, he says of his Greektown spot, was when he came home to a pair of rats having sex in front of his door. They stopped and stared him straight in the face as if they
Donald Calloway with one of his “Blue babies” paintings.
were challenging him, “What you gone do?” Shortly after, he decided to move. In the spring, he hopes to open a sculpture garden in the backyard of the Irwin House space and host live music along with opening the studio to the public for special events like his annual Cheap Wine & Chicken show. Rats aside, I wonder how he decides what objects become a pair of eyes or nose on a sculpture, or why a spatula makes sense as a flower’s leaves. “I see shapes in objects,” he tells me. Pointing to the spatula painted green underneath a blue cake pan that’s become a flower, he says, “This is really flat so I knew it would work well as a leaf. The tops of leaves are flat.” Calloway’s art career has spanned over three decades. His work has been featured at Arts, Beats & Eats, the Palmer Park Art Fair, Charles H.
28 January 3-9, 2024 | metrotimes.com
Wright Museum of African American History, the Detroit Institute of Arts, Arts Extended, inside Highland Park’s Avalon Village, and many, many more. I join Irwin House Director Misha McGlown and one of Calloway’s collectors at the dining table as Calloway serves us bowls of soups in fine china with gold trim. He sits down, clothes covered in paint. One of his “blue babies” paintings, of a boy with blue skin licking a lollipop while he holds a puppy, has just sold. He’s going to have to take it down and put something else up in its place. He often paints the blue babies. They’re children from the Detroit canals in Jefferson Chalmers where Calloway grew up. He remembers how they had to go out and catch fish for their dinner everyday, and would later ask neighbors to watch their buckets while they went
RANDIAH CAMILLE GREE\
off to play. “Those poor children went through so much,” he says in a sad tone about why he paints them blue. It’s also a nod to the neighborhood’s waterways. A slew of food-related paintings like a salmon steak he made from wood, plaster, and paper are hanging on the wall behind him. A meal of sculpted bacon, eggs, and toast with a thick dollop of butter sits underneath it. More spatulas hang from sculptures in the living room and have made their way into a heart filled with paint brushes, a license plate, a 45 rpm record, and other forgotten junk. “I never wanted to be a starving artist,” Calloway says when I ask him why food and cooking utensils appear so much in his work. Maybe that’s why he’s such a good cook.
metrotimes.com | January 3-9, 2024 29
CULTURE
Adam Driver again takes an Italian job.
LORENZO SISTI
Film
Ferrari not quite a triumph By Craig D. Lindsey
Ferrari Rated: R Run-time: 124 minutes
Ferrari gives Adam Driver a
second chance to give an award-worthy performance as a real person with an Italian accent. Some of you may remember when Driver slapped on an accent to play doomed fashion magnate Maurizio Gucci in Ridley Scott’s biopic House of Gucci a couple years back. Performing alongside Lady Gaga, Al Pacino, and a nutty-as-fuck Jared Leto, all giving scenery-chewing turns that hilariously bordered on near-offensive parody, Driver gave perhaps the most credible performance in that movie. Ferrari has everyone performing with straight faces, with Driver’s Enzo Ferrari chief among them. Rocking gray hair and pants above his abdomen, Driver plays the former racer turned auto giant as a no-nonsense businessman trying to keep his business afloat (and legacy alive) by pushing his racers to achieve precision and perfection on the tracks.
Of course, those two things are nowhere in his personal life. He has a wife-business partner (Penelope Cruz, fiery as always) who’s literally ready to pop a cap into him (their first scene together has her firing a warning shot past him) over his extramarital affairs. This may explain why she doesn’t know about the mistress (Shailene Woodley) and son (Giuseppe Fesitine) he’s got stashed away across town. (It appears everybody else knows about them, though.) Ferrari is about a man who’s equally consumed by ambition and grief. Although it takes place in sunny Italy during the summer of 1957 (cinematographer Erik Messerschmidt brings a dry gleam to the visuals, making scenes look stylishly humid — even indoors — while bringing out the characters’ olive-skinned complexions), death hangs over this picture like a murky cloud. In one scene, Enzo and his wife both visit the family mausoleum (separately, of course), where their late son lays. Not too soon after, Ferrari witnesses the death of one of his racers, with the racer’s girlfriend just a couple feet away from him. Later
30 January 3-9, 2024 | metrotimes.com
on, racers (including a bleach-blond Patrick Dempsey) write goodbye notes in their hotel the night before a big race, just in case they don’t make it to the finish line. Enzo stalks around the movie like an arrogant captain of industry and a reluctant angel of death. As most of the movie has him grooming a young, hot racer (Gabriel Leone) to compete in a treacherous race known as the Mille Miglia, the old man knows this kid has a 50-50 chance of coming out of this an alive-and-kicking star. “We all know it’s our deadly passion, our terrible joy,” he says to a roomful of racers during a quietly intense monologue. I wish I could be as enthused about Ferrari as my fellow film critic colleagues, who’ve been calling it one of the year’s best. Adapted from a biography by the late auto journalist Brock Yates (who wrote the first Cannonball Run movie), Mann presents a decent, competent portrait of a flawed legend. A project he’s been trying to get made since the ’90s (screenwriter Troy Kennedy Martin passed away of lung cancer in 2009 before seeing this film get made), Ferrari is another in a long
line of Mann films about a meticulous man who strives for order and success in his professional life, especially since his personal life is all kinds of fucked up. Enzo Ferrari may not have been a lawman or a criminal, like so many of Mann’s previous protagonists. But, in Mann’s mind, he was just as, shall we say, driven as they were. There are some impressive, nowherenear-cheesy racing scenes, especially in the third act. But as far as biopics go, Ferrari does feel quite routine. The movie even gives Enzo a bitchy, aging mother (Daniela Piperno) who actually utters “the wrong son died.” (Something tells me Mann hasn’t seen Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story.) If anything, Mann presents Ferrari as a Great Man Biopic that also doubles as an operatic tragedy. Just in case you don’t pick up on that vibe, he also throws in a sequence where Enzo attends an opera, flashing back to several joyful/painful moments from his life. With all the literal blood, sweat, and tears that get spilled throughout Ferrari, I now understand why those cars are so gotdamn expensive.
metrotimes.com | January 3-9, 2024 31
CULTURE Savage Love Load Bearing By Dan Savage
Q: Have you ever seen a successful
relationship when the sex was difficult from the start? Or even stopped pretty early in the relationship? I have been with my boyfriend since August and I honestly lost my desire for him early on. He’s a bit of a hoarder and has some self-care and cleanliness issues, which I only realized some way into the
relationship. It has killed the sexual vibe for me very early, but I do feel very safe with him, very connected emotionally. Is there hope? Or should we call it friends? —Only Doomed Or Real Shot?
A: I’ve definitely seen relationships
succeed despite sex being difficult at the start. In some cases, the couple broke up, found new partners, and remained in each other’s lives as friends. But the couples that succeeded in the way you most likely meant — the sex was difficult at the start but they’re still happily together years later — had at some point redefined their relationships as companionate. Some of these companionate relationships were ethically non-monogamous, e.g., one or both partners were allowed to seek sex outside the relationship, but some were strictly monogamous. What I haven’t seen much are two people who didn’t share a strong sexual connection at the start manage to create one. And when I have seen that happen, ODORS, there was always some shared interest or dynamic or kink — there was always at least one thing that worked or clicked — and the couple focusing on their overlapping interests/ dynamics/kinks and on that rock built a good-to-great sex life together. But what I found myself wondering as I read your question, ODORS, was why you would wanna make things work with this guy. If he can’t be bothered to bathe and brush his teeth and use a little deodorant when he’s trying to win you, ODORS, he’s not going to make the effort once he’s won you. There may be some underlying mental health issue here that he’s struggling with. You can offer him your friendship and moral support — provided you can spare the emotional bandwidth but don’t offer him a blowjob. Sucking this guy’s dick would not only be unpleasant for you, ODORS, but it would send the wrong message to him, e.g., that he’s in good enough working order (proof: he’s getting his dick sucked) and doesn’t need to get help and make changes.
Q: My husband is the Membership Chair
of a nonprofit in town. The organization has about 100 members. Some are cute/hunky/ sexy. We’ve got an open relationship, but I feel that, given his position, he shouldn’t be having sex with these members because it might lead to jealousy issues among the others. He disagrees and brushes off my concerns. I’ve considered playing with a couple of them as well, but I have not because I feel like “the husband of” one of the club’s main organizers. Am I wrong in expressing reservations about his playing with some members? And what about my
32 January 3-9, 2024 | metrotimes.com
doing the same? —Messy Ethical Matters Block Enticing Recreational Sex
A: What kind of nonprofit org are we
talking about? If it’s a group that works with at-risk youth (painting murals on underpasses or whatever) or some sort of social justice org (shutting down roads to airports right before Christmas or whatever), MEMBERS, the Membership Chair fucking his way through the members rolls could prove problematic. That goes double if being a member in good standing is a route to future professional success. If remaining in the good graces of org leadership means getting the kind of letters of reference or recommendation that help people land jobs or promotions, the leaders of the org — and their spouses — need to be conscious of their power and refrain from fucking members to avoid abusing that power. But if we’re talking about some sort of gay social club organized around a shared non-sexual interest (snowboarding, softball, kickball, etc.) or sexual interest (leather, pup play, kicking balls, etc.) — if we’re talking about a club that exists to help gay men break the ice and find like-minded friends and/or sex partners and/or romantic partners — then I don’t think the leaders or their spouses have to swear off fucking the members. Indeed, if the org was created to bring guys together socially and/or sexually, demanding vows of celibacy from the leadership not only punishes the men who step up to do the work (recruiting members, finding venues, scheduling events, setting everything up, breaking everything down, etc.), it makes taking on those responsibilities on less appealing. And if no one steps up to do the work, the organization falls apart — and who does that help?
Q: I’m a 28-year-old woman and I’ve
never had a boyfriend and I’ve never had sex. Up until this year, I didn’t focus on dating in order to prioritize my education, career, and mental health. I am doing very well in my life overall. I have two bachelor’s degrees and a master’s degree, I have a job that I love, I live in a great city (Chicago), and I’m doing well enough financially to buy a condo this year. The only thing I’m lacking is relationship and sexual experience. I am putting myself out there and going to social events to meet guys, but I’m holding off on having sex until I’m actually in a relationship and I’ve formed an emotional connection with someone. Casual sex has never interested me. I’m in therapy and I’m working with my therapist on my confidence as I navigate the dating world. My anxiety is my biggest roadblock. Nobody in my life has reacted negatively to my lack of experience but my anxiety tells me that no one will accept me
and that there is something wrong with me. My anxiety tells me that I am the butt of everyone’s jokes and that I’m a loser. I know that doesn’t make sense. Literally no one has ever criticized me for my lack of experience. My friends don’t care and have been supporting me as I navigate the dating scene for the first time. However, some of my friends have been encouraging me to have casual sex in order to gain sexual experience but casual sex isn’t something I’m comfortable engaging in and some of my friends just don’t understand that. I guess if I had to boil this down to one question, it would be this: How do I stop being insecure and embarrassed about my lack of dating and sexual experience and be confident? —Nervously Experiencing Wonder
A: Own the choices you’ve made about
sex with the same confidence you own the choices you’ve made about your education and career. You were no doubt nervous AF when you got to college… and you nailed that shit. (Three degrees!) You were no doubt nervous AF when you got your first big job… and you nailed that shit. (Buying a condo!) Give yourself permission to be nervous AF during your first sexual experience, NEW, and trust your track record. You may have flunked a test or two, but you got those fucking degrees. You may have washed out during at least one job interview, but you got a fucking job. Your first time may be awkward, NEW, and you’ll definitely be nervous AF, but you’re gonna nail fucking like you’ve nailed everything else. I know it sounds like a paradox — or maybe it sounds like gibberish (or maybe it is gibberish) — but a person can be secure in her own insecurities. You’ll feel more confident if you don’t feel like you have to pretend to be any more confident than you actually are. And since you have a good idea who you want and what you want and how you want it, NEW, you’re starting from a better place than a lot of people whose first experiences came earlier in life. Just don’t make the rookie mistake of pretending to be anything you’re not. Allowing or encouraging someone to think they’re more experienced than you actually are will only make you feel more nervous and insecure. Instead of worrying they can tell, NEW, tell on yourself: “I’ve never been with anyone sexually — I poured all my energy end effort into my education and my career — so we’re going to have to take it slow.” Some guy head for the door (of your condo) when they hear that, NEW, and not one of those guys will be the right guy. Remember: When you tell someone you’re inexperienced, you’re telling him one thing about you. His reaction will tell you everything you need to know about him. Send question to mailbox@savage.love. Podcasts, columns, and more at Savage. Love.
metrotimes.com | January 3-9, 2024 33
CULTURE Free Will Astrology By Rob Brezsny ARIES: March 21 – April 19 The plan I will propose in this horoscope is for temporary use. I’m not recommending you stick to it for all of 2024, but just for the next 15 to 18 days. If you do, I believe it will set you up for beautiful success in the coming months. Here’s my idea: Embark on a free-form extravaganza of playing and having fun. Just for now, set aside your ambition. Don’t worry about improving yourself and producing results. Simply enjoy a phase of suspending inhibitions, creatively messing around, having nothing to prove, and being motivated by the quest for joy. TAURUS: April 20 – May 20 Climate change is impacting rainbows. Rising temperatures and dryer conditions mean that some parts of the world will get fewer rainbows, and other areas will get more. Canada and Siberia will benefit, while the Mediterranean will be less well-
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endowed with sky-borne arcs of color that come from sunlit rain. But I predict that no matter where you live, the rainbow will be a potent and regular symbol for you Bulls in 2024 — more than ever before. That means you will have increased reasons to entertain hope and more power to find beauty. On occasion, there may even be very good luck at the metaphorical rainbow’s end. If you’re an LGBTQ+ Taurus, be on high alert for breakthroughs in your ability to get the appreciation you deserve. GEMINI: May 21 – June 20 As one of your inspirational stories for 2024, I offer this tale from singer-songwriter Tom Waits: “Once upon a time, there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. They grew next to each other. Every day, the straight tree would look at the crooked tree and say, ‘You’re crooked. You’ve always been crooked, and you’ll continue to be crooked. But look at me! I’m tall, and I’m straight.’ Then one day, lumberjacks came to the forest and looked around. The manager in charge said, ‘Cut all the straight trees.’ And that crooked tree is still there to this day, growing strong and growing strange.” (P.S.: Here’s more from Gemini writer Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Be true to your own act, and congratulate yourself if you have done something strange and extravagant.”) CANCER: June 21 – July 22 Japanese artist Hokusai (17601849) developed a fascination for his country’s iconic Mount Fuji. In his seventies, he produced a series of woodblock prints titled Thirty-Six Views of Mount Fuji. Later, he added three books of prints collectively called One Hundred Views of Mount Fuji. Some art historians say his obsession stemmed from the legend that the mountain was home to the secret of immortality. The coming year will be a fine time for you Cancerians to celebrate and concentrate on your own Mount Fuji-like passion. Sometime soon, identify what it is, and start making plans to commune with it intensely. LEO: July 23 – August 22 If you will ever in your life go viral — that is, create or do something that suddenly becomes widely known and influential — I bet it will be in 2024. Even if you don’t produce TikTok videos seen by 10 million people, you
34 January 3-9, 2024 | metrotimes.com
are at least likely to become more visible in your local community or field of endeavor. Of course, I would prefer that your fame and clout spread because of the good deeds you do, not the weird deeds. So I urge you to cultivate high integrity and a wildly generous spirit in the coming months. Be a role model who inspires and uplifts. VIRGO: August 23 – Sept. 22 I expect 2024 to be a freespirited, wide-ranging, big-vision type of year for you, dear Virgo. I predict you will feel an abundance of urges to travel, roam, and explore. You will be more excited than anxious about the prospect of leaving your comfort zone, and you will have a special fondness for getting your mind expanded by interesting encounters. That doesn’t mean you will avoid all awkwardness and confusion. Some of that stuff will happen, though it will usually evolve into educational adventures. And the extra good news is that wandering out in nature will provide even more inspiration and healing than usual. Treasure this quote from conservationist Rachel Carson: “Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure: the migration of the birds, the ebb and flow of the tides, the folded bud ready for the spring.” LIBRA: Sept. 23 – Oct. 22 I am pleased to inform you that a visit to hell will not be on your itinerary in 2024. You may be invited to take a few excursions into the realm that depth psychologists call the underworld, but that’s a good thing. There you will be able to hunt for treasures that have been hidden and uncover secrets that will illuminate your epic, months-long quest for wholeness. It may sometimes be dark and shadowy down there below, but almost always dark and shadowy in ways that will lead you to healing. (I will reiterate what I implied above: The underworld is NOT hell.) SCORPIO: Oct. 23 – Nov. 21: I hope that working hard on togetherness will be a fun project for you in the coming months. To do it well, you must outgrow some habitual ways of doing friendship and intimacy. You will have to be imaginative and ingenious. Are you willing to believe that you do not yet know all there is to know about being a fantastic ally and partner? Are you ready to approach the arts of collaboration and cooperation as if enhancing your skills is the most important thing you can do? For the sake of your best selfish goals, be a brilliant teammate in 2024.
SAGITTARIUS: Nov. 22 – Dec. 21 Each of us is a complex, kaleidoscopic work of art, whether or not we consciously approach our destiny in that spirit. Every day, we use our creative imagination to craft new elements of the masterpiece known as the story of our life. Leos come by this fun project naturally, but you Sagittarians also have great potential to embrace it with glee and panache. I trust you will be especially keen on enjoying this sacred work in 2024. And right now, today and in the coming weeks, will be an excellent time to ramp up the scintillating drama. CAPRICORN: Dec. 22 – Jan. 19 “I am against sex education in schools because sex is more fun when it’s dirty and sinful.” So said Capricorn author Florence King. I reject and rebel against that perverse declaration — and encourage you to disavow it, too, in 2024. In my astrological opinion, the coming months will be a favorable time to learn everything about sex and eros that you don’t already know. I hope you will dive deep as you gather a rich array of teachings about how to enjoy the art of making love more than ever before. (Consider consulting tantric manuals like Margo Anand’s The Art of Sexual Magic: Cultivating Sexual Energy to Transform Your Life.) AQUARIUS: Jan. 20 – Feb. 18 Singer-songwriter Tori Amos says she’s sure she was burned for being a witch in a previous lifetime. I suspect most of us had past incarnations in which we were punished simply for being our beautiful selves. I bring this up, Aquarius, because I think 2024 will be a favorable time to get some healing from any ancient hurt like that. You will have a series of experiences that could help you recover from the illusion that being faithful to your truth is somehow wrong. Life will conspire with you to help you reclaim more of the full audacity to be your gorgeous, genuine self. PISCES: Feb.19 – March 20 I believe 2024 will be one of the best years ever for your education. Your willingness and eagerness to learn will be at a peak. Your knack for attracting inspirational teachers will be excellent. It’s likely you will be exceptionally curious and open to good influences. My advice is to be alert for lessons not just from obvious sources of wisdom and revelation, but also from unexpected founts. Don’t be too sure you know where revelations and illumination might come from. Homework: Make three predictions about your life in 2024.
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