Metro Times 01/24/2024

2 January 24-30, 2024 | metrotimes.com

metrotimes.com | January 24-30, 2024 3

Vol. 44 | No. 14 | JANUARY 24-30, 2024

EDITORIAL

News & Views

Editor in Chief - Lee DeVito

Feedback ............................... 6

Investigative Reporter - Steve Neavling

News .................................... 10

Digital Content Editor - Layla McMurtrie

Lapointe............................... 14

Staff Writer - Randiah Camille Green

ADVERTISING Associate Publisher - Jim Cohen Regional Sales Director - Danielle Smith-Elliott Sales Administration - Kathy Johnson

Cover Story

Account Manager, Classifieds - Josh Cohen

Inside the Flint water crisis “shit show” .......................... 16

BUSINESS/OPERATIONS Business Support Specialist - Josh Cohen Controller - Kristy Dotson

CREATIVE SERVICES

What’s Going On

Creative Director - Haimanti Germain

Things to do this week ........ 23

Art Director - Evan Sult Graphic Designer - Aspen Smit

CIRCULATION Circulation Manager - Annie O’Brien

Food Review ................................. 28

DETROIT METRO TIMES

Chowhound ......................... 30

Ferndale, MI 48220

P.O. Box 20734 metrotimes.com

GOT A STORY TIP OR FEEDBACK?

Culture

tips@metrotimes.com or 313-202-8011

Arts ...................................... 32

WANT TO ADVERTISE WITH US?

Film ...................................... 34

313-961-4060

Savage Love ........................ 36

QUESTIONS ABOUT CIRCULATION?

Horoscopes .......................... 38

586-556-2110

GET SOCIAL: @metrotimes

DETROIT DISTRIBUTION Detroit Metro Times is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader Verified Audit Member

BIG LOU HOLDINGS Executive Editor - Sarah Fenske Vice President of Digital Services - Stacy Volhein Digital Operations Coordinator - Elizabeth Knapp Director of Operations - Emily Fear Chief Financial Officer - Guillermo Rodriguez Chief Executive Officer - Chris Keating

On the cover:

Shutterstock

National Advertising - Voice Media Group 1-888-278-9866 vmgadvertising.com

Printed on recycled paper Printed By

4 January 24-30, 2024 | metrotimes.com

248-620-2990

Copyright: The entire contents of the Detroit Metro Times are copyright 2023 by Big Lou Holdings, LLC. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission of the publisher is prohibited. The publisher does not assume any liability for unsolicited manuscripts, materials, or other content.

Any submission must include a stamped, self-addressed envelope. All editorial, advertising, and business correspondence should be mailed to the address listed below. Prior written permission must be granted to Metro Times for additional copies. Metro Times may be distributed only by Metro Times’ authorized distributors and independent contractors. Subscriptions are available by mail inside the U.S. for six months at $80 and a yearly subscription for $150. Include check or money order payable to: Metro Times Subscriptions, P.O. Box 20734, Ferndale, MI, 48220. (Please note: Third Class

metrotimes.com | January 24-30, 2024 5

NEWS & VIEWS Feedback Our readers react to the Detroit Lions’ winning streak in response to our online article, “Over half the country is rooting for the Detroit Lions to win, according to data.”

They have the best chance this year than all previous 57 years in the Super Bowl era. Even a better chance than the year they beat Dallas only to run into the buzz saw of the Redskins.

—Eric Andersen, Facebook This is America. In the end, we love an underdog story. The Lions have been down so long, at times they couldn’t even tell which way up was. Well, it

6 January 24-30, 2024 | metrotimes.com

looks like they may have figured it out.

I want the city of Detroit to be able to celebrate a super bowl win. Here’s hoping —James Thomas, Facebook

��

駘�㳝��駘

One Pride Baby!!

—@queenangel925, Instagram America’s gotta new team! THE BRAND NEW LIONS!!!

—@mikdothen, Instagram

駘駘駘駘

��

How about those lions —@mah_tah_jin, Instagram Let’s go Lions.

—@lisaannabanana, Instagram Comments may be edited for clarity.

Sound off: letters@metrotimes.com.

metrotimes.com | January 24-30, 2024 7

NEWS & VIEWS

Nothing’s the same now: Detroit Lions quarterback Jared Goff.

CAL SPORT MEDIA / ALAMY STOCK PHOTO

Say what you will about the old Detroit Lions. This is a new pride.

At present, a football season of profound change for the way better stands poised to further prove the S.O.L. days of the Detroit Lions are dead and gone. Last year, despite all the good run vibrations and reasons this organization gave us to cheer again, that 9-8 team concluded its annual campaign within regular season constraints, after sending Green Bay’s playoff hopes and Aaron Rodgers’ era of division domination packing during a Lambeau field statement game that said something. As to what, we weren’t quite sure; accustomed as we’d become to fleeting little lifts of Lions’ good fortunes, ever only briefly relieving long, hard stretches of mediocrity and worse that made sticking with our home team year after year feel like progressive punishments reserved for repeat offenders.

Fair to say, we Lions’ followers have likely taken more than our share of lumps with this star-crossed team over time, and for a half-dozen-plus decades to be specific. In spots, it seems as though the fates themselves have lined-up against this football franchise.

Show me an hour of all-time NFL highlights and I’ll show you twenty minutes or so of clips in which the Lions got posterized for posterity, losing big

on record-breaking, last-minute field goals, last-ditch, Packer desperation passes, and an all-around lousy litany of assorted, Motor City low points in recorded NFL history, including plenty of conspiracy-questioning calls on the field that altered outcomes in critical game situations and the complexion of entire seasons in a precious few, contending season cases. From Tom Dempsey’s then-record 63-yard, gamewinning field goal in 1970 to Justin Tucker’s 66-yard record-breaker more than 50 years later, two of the game’s crowning achievements in kicking saw Detroit taking it in the shorts as a result. From Bret Favre’s scrambling heave to Sterling Sharpe running free deep down the sideline at the sad ending of 1993’s Wild Card tilt, to Aaron Rodgers’s 2015 oh-hell-no Hail Mary to some no-name tight end with no time on the clock (after a Lions face-masking penalty allowed that play to happen), we’ve watched long odds against last-second comebacks by opponents appear more like sure things in cynical retrospect.

And need I mention anything more than the “failure to report” fiasco in Dallas or Calvin Johnson’s not “maintaining control” call playing Chicago in 2010 to re-stir feelings that the fix has been in

8 January 24-30, 2024 | metrotimes.com

at times, too (although Karma, perhaps, saw fit to restore that second home playoff game we were robbed of by the obviously missed tackle-eligible report, after the Cowboys crapped their chaps against the Pack last Sunday). Yee-haw!

As for me, my experiences living and (mostly) dying with the Lions reflect images that mirror the many hapless reflections so many of us who’ve claimed this football fandom by birthright share. In hindsight, I see some foreshadowing now in the ill-fated Lions jersey I made myself with magic markers on a white tee shirt when I was little.

Misspelling the word “Loins” across my back instead, I was mortified when the mistake was brought to my attention. Trying to avoid wearing it out of embarrassment, my mother made me on occasion.

“Everybody knows it’s just a Lions jersey,” she’d look at it slightly giggling and say. “Otherwise, it’s a perfectly good shirt. You’ll wear it.”

My mother was right, of course. Yet even though I eventually wore out that Loins fanwear, my Lions loyalties stayed virtually on my sleeve ever afterward.

Before leaving Detroit in ’83, I regularly attended Thanksgiving games at the Silverdome, and was treated to O.J.

Simpson’s 273-yard rushing performance in 1976, some short-lived Billy Sims magic, and Lawrence Taylor’s nearly-hundred-yard interception dash back the other way on Turkey Day, 1982.

Again, there’s that sad truth of what we fans have been left with over the years; two-thirds of our Lions’ memories revolving around opponent’s memorable exploits against us on the gridiron.

As an Arizonan, ironically, I began believing the Lions might make it to the mountaintop after seeing Barry Sanders take center stage come the ’90s.

I felt confident a Super Bowl appearance, at least, was a distinct possibility thanks to him. When Barry’s last memorable move in football was his leaving the Lions in a lurch suddenly and unceremoniously in 1999, it felt like the end of everything plausibly positive for our football team’s immediate and foreseeable future. And it was the first time I felt myself really losing hope as a fan. Trying to jump ship and switch allegiances to the Cardinals proved impossible. They were just the Lions of the West in those days; owned by a family too rich to bother themselves with the business of winning. Ever the low-middle class Michigan man at heart, I couldn’t help but keep rooting

for those underdog Detroit rosters of the early 2000s, which became a depth chart of decline at the skill positions for the next ten years. Perennially high draft picks became reliable busts. There was Joey Harrington in 2002 (third overall), Charles Rogers in 2003 (second overall), Mike Williams in 2005 (tenth), ad nauseam. Not surprisingly, those Lions’ squads who suited-up for those campaigns over the course of that first, 21st century decade became uniformly abysmal. Bookended by 2001’s 2-14 and 2010’s 6-10 tallies (punctuated, of course, with 2008’s 0-16 exercise in abject futility), Lions football flagged into something that left the organization’s already robust reputation for utter mediocrity reduced to near-laughing stock status. And despite a few, mostly Matthew Staffordkindled flickers of hard-nosed hope at the helm of an almost always fairlyrudderless ship, those snickers have remained in evidence on the faces and in the commentary of every sportscasting talking head from the networks to the local news stations. Let’s be honest: no one’s taken the Detroit Lions seriously as an NFL contender for anything approaching on-field success for the past twenty-plus years, period.

But not end of story, thanks to this new chapter. And the folks who combined their talents and instincts to author it for us. Here are just some bullet point credits, which I hope we’ll all consider going into Sunday’s NFC championship game in this stupendous, turnaround season of 2023-24: Sheila Ford Hamp: She of the hold-your-horses speech made after second-year head coach Dan Campbell’s 1-6-starting team last season triggered a twitchy stampede of calls for his drawing and quartering. The first words I’d heard on Hamp over Michigan sports talk radio when I relocated back to metro Detroit in early 2022 had much to do with child of privilege chatter directed at her in the context that this team owner — far better suited to tennis set pomp and ceremony than NFL team oversight — could never manage to make a difference as the Lions’ ultimate decision maker.

No how. No way. Yet Hamp mustered what she felt was called for in those circumstances; a calming reassurance to her team and its leadership that she fully intended to stay Campbell’s course, as uncertain as it seemed then. What ensued was 8 and 2, and what came together over the course of that run was a top-down cohesiveness that coalesced Lion’s ownership, leadership, and the team itself into the essence of what it’s now so obviously become: an example of total togetherness on an approach to building something that’s hitting on all cylinders. This leading lady showed the Ford running through her veins

when she strapped herself to something that hadn’t been built right forever and helped a bunch of guys under her employ get in line, work side by side, and start assembling this machine we’re starting to see really come together now.

You aced that one for sure, Ms. Hamp.

Brad Holmes: One wonders if Holmes’s early run of draft pick winners could likely be rivaled, let alone equaled, anytime soon, anywhere across the NFL or the three other major sports, for that matter. And don’t write it all off as some kind of lottery-winning luck. In fact, I’d be willing to bet that Brad Holmes’s success rate in hitting on all the selections he’s made since becoming the Lions’ G.M. are as commensurately remote as someone winning Powerball millions.

There’s method to this success rate, not mere chance. I’m not going to rattle off the dozen or so names Holmes didn’t just pick out of a hat to contribute in the numbers they have, but by all means, do so yourselves. Across the board, you’ll see that Holmes’s picks are all virtually in top places on the current depth chart.

That’s a lot of talent that our Lions’ G.M. go-getter went and got. And be honest; you probably bristled at least a little bit over Holmes’s picks of Jameson Williams, Jahmyr Gibbs, and Sam LaPorta as he scooped them all up earlier than the mouth that bored Mel Kiper could condone. But how do you like them all now? Again, get on your phones and find the complete list of talent Brad Holmes has secured for our Detroit Lions. Then make a call to the team’s front office to leave a big, long thank you message for the man. He’s earned it.

Dan Campbell: The only thing I’d rather have Dan Campbell be than my hometown football team’s head coach is my bodyguard. Holy crap. He’s a beast.

Still, the beauty of Campbell is something else. A few things, perhaps. He’s a pied piper to players, for one. They follow his lead. And that whole grit thing? Legit. He brought it to town with a bust-some-kneecaps statement some saw as comically novice. No one’s laughing now. From his current players to the ones who’ll come to him through free agency, in large part, to go to battle with a consummate player’s coach, this guy’s a badass bell cow in a league full of bad ass athletes who believe Dan Campbell is not only the same animal they are, but the biggest and baddest currently stalking the sidelines with a Super Bowl contender going forward. That’s the truth, sports fans. Coach Dan Campbell’s the truth, and at the core of what’s changed the Lions’ culture. He growls.

He gambles. And he’s going places with this team that it hasn’t been to since the days of leather helmets. Damn straight.

Ben Johnson and Aaron Glenn: How good are these guys? Well, their

head coaching interview dance cards are full come season’s end. That much we know. According to all we hear, Johnson’s a Harry Potter-esque wizard of the X’s and O’s; a young prodigy of the offensive game, waving a wand that’s made magic happen for Jarred Goff and the boys with the ball in their hands. On Glenn’s side, they say his defense profoundly respects him to a man, as a guy who’s been there and knows the way to make his players better. Johnson’s offense has become a juggernaut. Glenn’s defense has its playmakers and some promisingly developing young talent, yet it remains a system work in progress. Taken together, these two coach two sides of a game on a team that is making a run at a deeply successful postseason. Again, they’re both likely to get their shots at becoming the

head guy somewhere soon. I only wish I could have the opportunity to give them both bad references in the looming offseason.

And, of course, the team: I predict Jared Goff’s career will be defined for his current and future exploits. Jameson Williams is proving a lot of premature naysayers — myself included — wrong.

Jahmyr Gibbs might be the next man up after Barry. Hutch is huge. Sack counts aren’t the whole story. Other guys deserve kudos, but I’m reaching my word count limit here. Perhaps I’ll be able to shout more individual praises at some point over the course of the next week or three. In a next victory follow-up piece, perhaps.

Or maybe at their parade bus. Cool.

—Robert Stempkowski

Environmentalists oppose legislation to classify factory farm ‘biogas’ as clean energy In a major “greenwashing”

offensive, many factory farms — the highly profitable hubs of industrial agriculture that produce almost all the meat and dairy products sold by fast-food franchises and supermarkets — have recently begun using mechanical anaerobic “digesters” to turn some of the animal waste they generate into “biogas.” And provisions in recently introduced bills in Lansing would certify that such a gas would meet Michigan clean fuel standards.

A coalition called Michiganders for a Just Farming System (MJFS) is battling big ag and oil company lobbyists to oppose these bills. Tom Progar, head of Veg Michigan, the organization that formed MJFS, says that if the biogas from the digesters is certified as a clean fuel, it would let factory farms with the digesters get lucrative carbon credits from the state, bringing here even more factory farms and their dire environmental, atmospheric, and economic consequences.

Factory farms — officially termed concentrated animal feeding operations (CAFOs) — already get billions annually in federal government subsidies. They operate mostly in poor rural areas and out-compete traditional family farms. Runoff from their toxic lagoons filled with animal waste has for many years caused widespread algae blooms in Lake Erie. And CAFOs generate a third

of all methane emissions (mostly generated by cow burps) and more than three-quarters of nitrous oxide emissions. Both are greenhouse gasses much more potent than carbon dioxide, contributing significantly to atmospheric warming.

Across the U.S., CAFOs produce millions of tons of manure and other waste daily. To add to that, factory farm biogas produces ammonia, hydrogen sulfide, and smog-forming nitrogen oxides. Biogas facilities emit methane when they store digestate (the leftovers after waste is converted to gas) in open tanks. And biogas transport infrastructure — including pipelines and truck engines — leaks huge amounts of methane, compounding the already egregious factory farm impact with dirty energy production, according to an analysis by the nonprofit Food & Water Watch. The F&WW has monitored this same CAFO biogas scheme that’s been successful in California, which now has thousands of its own anaerobic digesters.

To try to keep Michigan from following suit, MJFS has been organizing a letter-writing and phone-call campaign to legislators to oppose Senate Bill 275 and a companion measure in the state house.

“We can’t let this fly under the radar,” says Progar. “It’s far too consequential for our quality of life in Michigan.”

—Michael Betzold

metrotimes.com | January 24-30, 2024 9

HGTV’s Cristy Lee opens up about rare medical diagnosis ahead of return to television

Influencer Mr.ChimeTime rips into Detroit restaurants. Is the criticism warranted?

When Cristy Lee returned to

At a criticism workshop for local journalists, a colleague of mine made a surprising admission about a well-known and oft-praised Black-owned restaurant in Detroit.

“Everyone raves about them but honestly I was not impressed at all,” she said with hesitation and what sounded like remorse for daring to utter the words.

The food wasn’t well seasoned.

The customer service was lacking.

There was nothing remarkable or positive to say about this supposed “fine dining” spot, but she kept those comments to herself outside this closed group of fellow writers.

Social media food influencer Rashad Mooreman, aka Mr.ChimeTime, is not giving Detroit restaurants the same courtesy.

He’s been in Detroit for about a month ranking things like the best coney dog and Detroit-style pizza, as well as restaurants like SuperCrisp, Breadless, Hygrade Deli, and even Pantheion Strip Club (iykyk).

Mr.ChimeTime, who is based in North Carolina, travels to different cities asking residents what restaurants and food trucks he should try there. After getting large takeout orders from these places, he eats the food in his car giving them honest rankings, much like Detroit-bred influencer Keith Lee. Unlike Lee, however, ChimeTime is brutally honest bordering on straight-up rude when he doesn’t like something, in some cases remarking that the food tastes like “ass.”

He’s started several social media shitstorms during his stay in Detroit over what constitutes a Reuben vs. corned beef sandwich and also because some of the places he reviewed feel like he randomly found them on Google, rather than Detroiters recommending them.

Now people are in a frenzy over his harsh critiques of two Black-owned restaurants in particular, Kuzzo’s Chicken and Waffles and Trap Vegan.

“This shit better be worth every bit of that hour and 15 minutes that

HGTV as a host on the new show Battle on the Mountain, which premiered Monday, it marked her first time appearing on television since her 2023 diagnosis of two rare auto-immune diseases that turned her world upsidedown.

About a year ago, Lee was traveling in Arizona for work when she suddenly got a searing headache. “I was just thinking maybe it was a migraine, maybe it was a sinus infection,” she recalls. “I couldn’t even get out of bed for two days. And over the course of the next couple of days it just got worse and worse. The pain and pressure was debilitating.”

It got so bad that she had to go to the emergency room, which is when she found out she had Graves’ disease and thyroid eye disease, related conditions which can cause swelling. “I was completely floored,” she says. “Like, who gets a diagnosis with two major diseases in the emergency room?”

A common symptom of the conditions is bulging eyes. “My eyes moved 12 to 15 millimeters within three months,” Lee says. “That doesn’t sound like a lot, but I mean, it’s your eyeballs literally moving out of your face.”

Eventually, Lee decided to pursue an “aggressive” treatment including orbital decompression surgery on each eye, in which bone and damaged tissue are removed from the eye sockets to allow for swelling, as well as the complete removal of her thyroid. As a result, she now manages her hormone levels via medicine, a process that involves monitoring blood levels and fine-tuning dosages. Lee says she’s still tweaking her regime, and adds that she’s seen probably 30 doctors. “I wanted to know everything,” she says.

Eventually, she linked up with Dr. Alon Kahana in Livonia. “He has treated me like I was a member of his family, which I believe he does with all of his patients,” she says. “Within minutes of meeting him, he went as far as to give me his personal contact information to reach out to him at any point in time.

For someone going through this disease … having anyone to be able to talk to

Cristy Lee.

you about this is huge.”

Lee speaks of her illness with candor and humor. “It’s not fun,” she says.

“Zero stars!” She has even posted videos on her Instagram page showing herself getting steroids injected into her eyes.

Lee says she wants to be open about her struggles to help others facing similar issues.

“That’s my mission, is to use my story and my platform to bring more awareness and connect to other people that are going through this,” she says.

Lee filmed Battle on the Mountain over the summer in Breckenridge, Colorado, as she was recovering from her treatments. The premise of the show is that three couples work with different stars from HGTV’s various other home improvement shows to renovate mountain lodges, with all the expected drama of reality TV competitions — tight budgets, quick deadlines, limited materials — for a $50,000 prize, all against the backdrop of the scenic mountain country. “This show means a lot to me, because that was a huge, huge step in my health journey,” she says.

Originally from Daytona Beach, Florida, Lee moved to the Detroit area around 20 years ago to invest in real estate and flip houses. “I wasn’t making, you know, homes that were extravagant or over the top or over-decorated or anything,” she says. “Really, what Detroit needs in my opinion, then and

10 January 24-30, 2024 | metrotimes.com

BEN WAGNER PHOTOGRAPHY

still now, is affordable, clean, and available housing.”

As a girl, Lee says her father instilled an appreciation for using tools and tinkering with cars and motorcycles. In 2008, she got a gig as a “Rock Girl” and DJ for WRIF, followed by stints hosting motorsports coverage for the likes of FOX, ESPN, ABC, and CMT. She made a name for herself on the all-female automotive shows All Girls Garage and Garage Squad on the MotorTrend Network, as well as by hosting car auction broadcasts on MotorTrend Network and Discovery. Blending her television hosting experience with her real estate background on HGTV was the obvious next step for career, and in 2022 she appeared on HGTV’s home improvement show Steal This House, set in the Detroit area.

Battle on the Mountain runs for six weeks. Beyond that, Lee is still working on cars and in real estate and says she also plans to launch a local support group for other people with thyroid disease. “We want to create that safe space where they feel like they’re not alone and draw from our strengths and our perseverance,” she says.

“I was basically forced to take a step back from everything,” she adds. “But I’m excited to take a step forward and get back to the things I like doing.”

More information about Battle on the Mountain is available at hgtv.com.

—Lee DeVito

I waited for this food,” he tells viewers in his review of Kuzzo’s noting that the long wait came after his initial order via an online system didn’t even go through. Spoiler alert, he found the food was not worth it.

ChimeTime completely trashed Kuzzo’s, saying the chicken was flavorless, the waffle was like chewing gum, everything was cooked in bad grease, and the gumbo sauce for the salmon and grits tasted like “wet dog food.”

“They just coated [the fried chicken] in flour, threw it in the grease, and said fuck you,” he says in the video. “This right here was not voted the best chicken and waffles in Detroit. Stop lying.”

To top it off, he ordered cheese grits and was given a small cup of cheese grits and a larger cup of grits with no cheese that he had to mix together himself. In the end, he gave Kuzzo’s a 3.8 out of 10.

Many commenters echoed his experience, while others like Detroitbased food and culture account @ enjoymotorcity came to the restaurant’s defense.

ChimeTime didn’t even review

the food at Trap Vegan and instead started beef with them after simply posting, “No Lie… Y’all’s Favorite Vegan ‘TRAP’ Joint in Detroit Rude ASF!!”

Trap Vegan posted a lengthy statement about their encounter with ChimeTime that started when he tried placing an order on an “unauthorized Doordash storefront” that showed the restaurant as closed. According to ChimeTime’s accounts and Trap Vegan’s statement, he called the restaurant and was told they don’t take orders over the phone. By his account, restaurant employees were rude and hung up on him. Though Trap Vegan apologized for the lapse in customer service, ChimeTime made a lengthy video with recordings of his interaction in the store saying the restaurant lied about what happened.

Now the social media discourse has people on one side saying Blackowned restaurants should be called out when their service is bad and others seeming to push supporting Black-owned no matter what.

I am all for supporting Black-owned businesses, but I’m going to keep it real with them when service is subpar,

just like I would any other business.

I want Black-owned businesses to thrive everywhere, but especially in a majority-Black city like Detroit. But I am not going to hype up a bad Blackowned restaurant, just because they are Black-owned.

I am a fan of Trap Vegan. They have some of the best vegan burgers in Detroit and I patronize them whenever I am on the Avenue of Fashion. I also know that customer service does not seem to be their strong suit and I have come to expect a long wait. Will I continue to eat there? Absolutely.

Can they do better? Absolutely.

More than one thing can be true at a time. We can support Black-owned businesses and root for their success while being honest about our experiences there. Constructive criticism is how businesses (and all of us humans) grow and improve. But people should not be going out of their way to be overly critical of these restaurants either.

Obviously, ChimeTime is not setting out to destroy Black-owned restaurants. SuperCrisp, owned by Chef Mike Ransom of Ima fame, was one of the best things he tried in Detroit. He

also spoke highly of What’s the Dill and Breadless, both of which are also Black-owned.

Back at the criticism workshop, when the question of how honest journalists should be with reviews came up, our teachers introduced the idea of “punching up vs. punching down.”

If you’re reviewing a national chain, for example, it’s unlikely to hurt their pockets much when you call them garbage and say you’ll never eat there again. Local businesses, however, stand to lose much more, so while we can be honest about our experience, it should be done with a bit more care.

Think, “These are the ways they could improve” instead of “This is complete shit and they should close.”

When people are running to Google to leave one-star reviews based solely on a social media influencer’s experience, it feels like punching down, which is bullying.

And at the same time, Black-owned restaurants need to be open to customer feedback and be willing to sincerely address their mistakes if they want our business.

—Randiah Camille Green

‘Mighty Real/Queer Detroit’ show plans for epic return with international artists A month-long exhibit

of queer artists took over the city of Detroit for Pride Month in 2022 with what was considered the largest exhibit of LGBTQ+ art in perhaps the world. This June it’s heading back to Detroit with even more artists from across the country and beyond.

Mighty Real/Queer Detroit is the brainchild of Detroit curator Parick Burton. The biennial event’s first installment in 2022 featured work by roughly 150 queer Detroit artists across 17 galleries anchored by 1940s-era painter LeRoy Foster and his drag persona Martini Marti.

This year Burton says the show has expanded to feature nearly 170 artists spread across 13 galleries.

While there’s a drop in the number of galleries this year, the focus is more on national and international artists including several from New York, Beijing, Mexico, and Paris.

This year’s theme “I’ll be your Mirror” examines the aesthetic mirroring between art and viewer, Burton tells us.

“Our goal is to highlight the role of art in achieving personal visibility and social connection,” he says.

Galleries hosting the show include Swords Into Plowshares Peace Center and Gallery, Irwin House Gallery, Galerie Camille, Scarab Club, Detroit Artists Market, Detroit Contemporary, the Carr Center, the Hannan Center, and Wayne State’s Elaine L. Jacob Gallery, among others.

Programming throughout the month will coincide with the show including an evening of queer cinema curated by Brooklyn-based filmmaker Adam Baran at the Detroit Institute of Arts’ Detroit Film Theatre. Burton says the complete lineup is still in the works but he’s working on getting a lecture by Linda Simpson, whose photos from her book Drag Explosion documenting New York City’s drag scene in the 1980s and 1990s are part of the show. He also is planning for a special performance of Pamela Sneed’s one-woman show A Tribute to Big Mama Thornton , which will run at New York’s Public Theatre in March.

In addition to paintings and performance art, the show will include a range of photography dating back to the 19th century.

“We have work that goes back to the 1890s — some of the first homoerotic

photography,” Burton says. “There are some really young emerging artists coming out of New York and then, again, there’s a good bevy of Detroit artists. Of course, we have to keep it homegrown but the focus more so this show is bringing queer art to Detroit…

We’re doing this every two years now as a biennial, and we want to make Detroit the go-to queer cultural event for Pride Month.”

Burton helped promote Detroit’s legendary after-hours techno spot The Music Institute in the late 1980s, connecting it to the city’s gay club scene.

He says he envisions Mighty Real/ Queer Detroit to grow into something like Movement Music Festival.

“We’re kinda using Movement as our model because it started off grassroots. It was free and mostly local DJs. There really wasn’t that much out-of-town talent in those first couple events,” he says. Now Movement is one of the longest-running techno festivals in the world with more than 30,000 attendees daily.

“We see Detroit as a go-to city for art and culture,” he says. “The way our art community here is so united is rare in many other communities. I

lived in New York. I lived in Chicago [and] there’s more of a rivalry between galleries in those places so being able to do something involving galleries coming together with one goal is really special.”

He adds, “From what I’m hearing, we’re the buzz of New York in the queer art community. Everyone’s talking about coming to Detroit for this show. All the artists are coming in for opening weekend, so it’s gonna be who’s who in the queer art world.”

Mighty Real/Queer Detroit is supported by the City of Detroit’s Office of Arts, Culture, and Entrepreneurship and will run from Friday, May 31 to Sunday, June 30. More details will be announced in the coming months.

“It was historic, what we did,” Burton says of the first Mighty Real/Queer Detroit. “I’m a teacher in Detroit Public Schools and I always have been sort of a public servant. I see the work I’m doing with Mighty Real/Queer Detroit as part of that. I’m a cultural civil servant — a queer cultural civil servant.”

For more info, see mrqd.org or follow the exhibit on Instagram at mightyrealqueerdetroit.

—Randiah Camille Green

metrotimes.com | January 24-30, 2024 11

12 January 24-30, 2024 | metrotimes.com

The feds will likely put a lien on the Kilpatricks’ $807,000 home.

STEVE NEAVLING

Kwame Kilpatrick’s wife buys enormous house in Novi despite former mayor’s unpaid restitution Former Detroit Mayor

Kwame Kilpatrick’s wife bought an $807,000 house in an upscale residential enclave in Novi last month, even as her convicted felon husband still owes a hefty amount of money in back taxes and restitution stemming from his corruption conviction in 2013.

LaTicia Kilpatrick, who married the disgraced former mayor in July 2021 at Detroit’s Historic Little Rock Baptist Church, purchased the home through the Pathfinder Consulting Firm, a Warren-based company that she owns.

She took out a $645,600 mortgage, according to property records obtained by Metro Times.

As of November, Kilpatrick, who was released from prison and is now a pastor, still owed more than $1 million in restitution and unpaid taxes, the Detroit Free Press reported.

In the summer of 2022, federal prosecutors launched an investigation in an effort to recover the unpaid restitution after Kilpatrick and his wife created a crowdfunding campaign to raise $800,000 for a new home in Orlando, Fla.

Former Assistant U.S. Attorney Anjali Prasad tells Metro Times that the Kilpatricks may believe they are being clever by purchasing the home through LaTicia Kilpatrick, but that won’t stop federal prosecutors from seeking a lien on the home.

“They are very, very, very good at what they do,” says Prasad, who owns the criminal defense firm Prasad Legal. “They are good at what they do. This idea that he can be lawfully married and somehow channel money through his wife to purchase a home, which under the law would be a marital asset, is wishful thinking. It matters not whose name is on the title or mortgage. This is a joint marital asset.”

Prasad points out that the Justice Department’s Financial Litigation Unit is effective at recovering restitution after a conviction.

“I’m 110% sure that the feds can and will put a lien on that home,” Prasad says.

It wasn’t immediately clear if the Kilpatricks are living at the home yet.

When a Metro Times reporter knocked on the door on Friday, a Black woman

answered and claimed the Kilpatricks don’t live there. She declined to answer any further questions.

A Bible study video posted by Kwame Kilpatrick on Facebook on Friday morning showed cabinets in the background that look identical to the ones shown in photos for the home’s real estate listing.

Since former President Donald Trump commuted Kilpatrick’s 28year prison sentence in 2021, federal authorities have expressed frustration that the former mayor has failed to pay his restitution, despite having income.

In February 2023, U.S. District Judge Nancy Edmunds lambasted Kilpatrick for only paying $5,000 in federal restitution, saying he “has a history of spending his money on a lavish lifestyle rather than paying off his obligations.”

According to documents obtained

by Metro Times, Kwame and Laticia Kilpatrick created four limited liability companies in the past three years in Georgia, where they were recently living. Late last year, the former mayor was hired as executive director of Tak-

ing Action for Good, a Memphis, Tenn.-headquartered nonprofit which focuses on reducing lengthy sentences for people imprisoned for nonviolent crimes.

Kilpatrick served more than seven years in prison after being convicted of numerous crimes in March 2013, including fraud, extortion, racketeering conspiracy, and tax crimes.

According to a recent real estate listing, the Kilpatricks’ new 5,600-squarefoot home on Southwyck Court near Nine Mile Road features five bedrooms, five bathrooms, a three-car garage, a catwalk overlooking a “dramatic” open room with a dual-sided wood burning fireplace, and a main bedroom with a fireplace and bathroom with a carpeted dressing area, dual large walk-in closets, dual vanities with quartz countertops, and custom mirrors.

The home is blurred out on Google Maps.

Kilpatrick’s wife gave birth to a baby boy in June 2022 and last year announced they were expecting a baby girl.

—Steve Neavling

metrotimes.com | January 24-30, 2024 13

NEWS & VIEWS Lapointe

For a true evangelical, weaponized religion is a big sin

By Joe Lapointe

Nobody really knows

who first said “when fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.”

Sinclair Lewis often gets credit, wrongly. So does Upton Sinclair, also inaccurately. Perhaps, in Detroit, we should cite the senior political radical John Sinclair. Maybe he never said it, but he could have.

Regardless of origin, that old warning is the unspoken essence of the intriguing new book The Kingdom, the Power and the Glory: American Evangelicals in an Age of Extremism by the Michigan author Tim Alberta.

In a presidential election year, Kingdom is an important analysis of the current balance between church and state.

Alberta is not some atheist or agnostic using political points against devout Christians who seek moral guidance in politics.

He is a true believer, the son of a conservative and patriotic pastor at the Cornerstone Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Brighton, northwest of Detroit in Livingston County.

But Alberta is clearly appalled at the weaponization of Christianity and its marriage of convenience with the cynicism of former President Donald Trump, who is, once again, a candidate for the White House.

“His legacy in the sweep of western Christendom was already secure,” Alberta writes of Trump as he began his 2024 campaign for his electoral restoration and resurrection.

“More than any figure in American history, the forty-fifth president transformed evangelical from spiritual signifier into political punch line, exposing the selective morality and ethical inconsistency and rank hypocrisy that had for so long lurked in the subconsciousness of the movement.”

Skeptics might wonder what took Alberta so long to wise up. He needed a personal revelation. His road-toDamascus moment came five years ago, after his father died. Some parishioners

Michigan author Tim Alberta is appalled at the weaponization of Christianity and its marriage of convenience with the cynicism of former President Donald Trump.

SIPA USA / ALAMY STOCK PHOTO

approached young Alberta not only with sympathy for his loss but also with harsh words for his political writing.

It seems that Rush Limbaugh, the late radio commentator, had criticized Alberta for a previous book Alberta wrote about Trump. Suddenly, Alberta saw the light and realized the toxicity of right-wing propaganda mixed with the cultural fears of a susceptible Christian congregation.

It turned personal.

“Some of it was angry, some of it was cold and confrontational,” Alberta writes. “One man questioned whether I was truly a Christian. Another asked if I was still on ‘the right side.’ All while Dad was in a box a hundred feet away.”

Alberta doesn’t just preach in Kingdom. He interviews and profiles national leaders of evangelical Christianity. He listens to both hard-line right-wingers and disillusioned local pastors.

Some of his best reporting illuminates the manipulations of Jesus-hustlers like Ralph Reed and Charlie Kirk.

And Alberta brings plenty of fire and brimstone down upon the dynastic and scandal-singed Jerry Falwell family that built Liberty University in Virginia into an earthly kingdom.

“Falwell Sr. may have reveled in provoking the thought police of his time,” Alberta writes, “but his school had become its own totalitarian regime.”

He recounts the firing of Dr. Aaron Werner, a professor of divinity at Liberty, who tried to change the culture.

“I think we need to be honest about the Falwells,” Werner said. “Jerry Sr. was always a bit of a scoundrel. And Jerry Jr. perfected the art of using fear and hatred as a growth strategy . . . It’s gained them a lot of power and a lot of money, the two things these people

14 January 24-30, 2024 | metrotimes.com

really worship.”

Some sections of Kingdom feel like journalism written in a hurry to freeze a moment in time. (Alberta is a staffer at The Atlantic.) He uses clichés that Werner “stepped on toes and slaughtered sacred cows. . . the clock began to tick.”

Some prose is workmanlike and some material dated.

But the best characterizations are vivid. For instance: One of Alberta’s most sympathetic characters is Mike Pence, the former vice-president and fervent evangelical whose early career included a stint as a radio talk-show host.

“Unlike all the craven, self-indulgent schemers who had surrounded Trump,” Alberta writes, “the vice president knew the difference between right and wrong.”

That moves Pence from sympathetic to pathetic on Jan. 6, 2021, when Trump’s rioting mob at the U.S. Capitol chanted “Hang Mike Pence!” until the Secret Service whisked him away. After Trump vacated the White House, he ridiculed Pence at Reed’s “Faith and Freedom Coalition” at Opryland in Nashville.

According to Alberta’s report, Trump told the evangelicals that Pence lacked “courage.” The audience booed even the mention of Pence. “(Trump) mocked the former vice president as a ‘robot’ who would not deviate from his constitutional duty of counting aloud the certified Electoral votes . . .. Trump said Pence was too ‘afraid.’”

Alberta later attends a Pence speech at Hillsdale College, a bastion of white, Christian nationalism located in Southern Michigan, near Ohio and Indiana, the latter Pence’s home state. Pence there joked with the audience in the ornate Hillsdale chapel there that he is

like Rush Limbaugh on decaf.

That brought a chuckle, Alberta writes, from an audience that nevertheless found Pence “not tough enough to meet the moment . . . A Sunday school teacher wasn’t going to win this fight.

They needed a warrior.”

Other Michigan angles include a lengthy section about Rachel Denhollander of Kalamazoo whose efforts against sex molester Dr. Larry Nassar of Michigan State led her to further exposure of similar abuse among Christian churches. The latter caused dissent.

“In the four years that followed the Nassar verdict, Denhollander went from Esther to Jezebel in the eyes of many evangelical shot-callers,” Alberta writes.

“Turning her attention and considerable legal savvy to the mushrooming sex-abuse scandals inside the Church — most notably within the Southern Baptist Convention — Denhollander took on the mightiest and most entrenched interests in American Christendom.”

Alberta begins each chapter with a quotation from Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John. He ends the text of his epilogue with the one-word sentence “Amen.” But there is a more topical and temporal prayer-feel a few pages later in the conclusion to his acknowledgements.

On page 452, Alberta salutes the pastors of the blue-robed Detroit Lions’ congregation that gathers for Sunday services at Ford Field.

“I want to thank Dan Campbell and Brad Holmes for building a contender and restoring this fan’s hope,” Alberta writes.

Finally, Alberta concludes by singing the choir’s holy hymn as his kicker quote.

“Forward down the field!”

metrotimes.com | January 24-30, 2024 15

16 January 24-30, 2024 | metrotimes.com

Inside Dana Nessel’s ‘shit show’ Flint water investigation Ignored legal warnings, ‘overwhelmed’ prosecutors, and the secret testimony of ex-Governor Rick Snyder’s chief of staff

By Jordan Chariton As the decade anniversary of the Flint water crisis nears in April, and on the heels of Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel ending her office’s Flint criminal investigation after the state Supreme Court threw out its criminal charges against ex-Governor Rick Snyder and eight other officials, Metro Times uncovered details of what insiders described as a chaotic four-year investigation doomed by “overwhelmed” prosecutors — and poor decisions by Nessel from the start.

Metro Times also confirmed that Dennis Muchmore, Snyder’s chief of staff during the early 2014-2015 period of the Flint water crisis, testified in front of the secretive one-man grand jury that Nessel’s office chose to use in order to issue indictments against Snyder and eight other state and Flint city officials in 2021.

“It’s against the court order for me to confirm or deny participation in that proceeding,” Muchmore tells Metro Times. “If I responded, which I would like to do, I’d be in violation and could be held in contempt of court.”

Muchmore declined further comment.

Although the nature of his testimony is unknown, legal sources tell Metro Times it’s likely Muchmore’s involve-

ment was as a witness for Nessel’s prosecutors against Snyder and other Snyder administration officials.

Despite Muchmore and other witnesses’ testimony, in a unanimous June 2022 decision, the state Supreme Court ruled that Nessel’s office’s use of a one-man grand jury in the Flint prosecution violated the state constitution, ultimately invalidating all Flint criminal charges filed by Nessel’s office.

Multiple sources described Nessel’s Flint investigation team as being composed of attorneys she knew, and handpicked — including a former business partner and political donors. Soon after assuming office in 2019, Nessel purged the original Flint criminal investigation team assembled in 2016 by her predecessor, Republican Bill Schuette. Schuette had appointed Todd Flood, an independent prosecutor in Wayne County, as special prosecutor leading the Flint probe; Flood tapped Andy Arena, former head of Detroit’s FBI office, as chief investigator.

Between 2016 and 2018, Flood scored key legal victories, highlighted by successfully convincing judges to force Nick Lyon, the ex-state health director, and Eden Wells, ex-chief medical executive of Michigan, to face jury trials

The prosecution of the Flint water crisis has been mired in setbacks.

SHUTTERSTOCK

metrotimes.com | January 24-30, 2024 17

18 January 24-30, 2024 | metrotimes.com

for involuntary manslaughter charges related to their actions during the water crisis. Moreover, The Guardian reported that Flood was close to filing racketeering charges against several state officials over alleged financial crimes connected to the Karegnondi Water Authority. In April 2014, Flint switched to the Flint River as a temporary source while the KWA pipeline was under construction.

Nonetheless, Nessel fired Flood, Arena, and most of the original Flint team. She replaced Flood with Fadwah Hammoud, a prosecutor in the Wayne County prosecutor’s office who helped her campaign fundraise. Joining Hammoud was Kym Worthy, the longtime Wayne County prosecutor.

“They were essentially just ripping up our work and starting from scratch,” Noah Hall, a Wayne State law professor who served as an assistant attorney general on Flood’s team, tells Metro Times. (Nessel fired Hall along with Flood and Arena.)

The following lays out Nessel’s failed Flint investigation, beginning before she even won election in 2018, through her office’s Flint criminal charges being dismissed in 2022 and 2023.

‘Politically charged show trials’

As a candidate in 2018, Nessel vocally criticized the ongoing Flint investigation as “politically charged show trials” that were moving too slowly. The AG candidate foreshadowed that, if elected, she would overhaul the investigation and fire Flood.

Her criticism was “very unusual,” a legal source familiar with the Flint proceedings says about a candidate for AG — who had no access to confidential documents, legal discovery, or information on impending charges — to publicly criticize an investigation they might take over.

“I don’t remember anything that candidate Dana Nessel said [about the investigation] that struck me as particularly insightful or informed,” Hall tells Metro Times.

Multiple sources questioned the real motivation behind Nessel firing Flood and relaunching the investigation — boiling her decisions down to petty politics and personal animus.

“There was no love lost between Dana Nessel and Todd Flood,” a legal source familiar with the history between the two tells Metro Times about their relationship when they both worked as younger attorneys in the Wayne County prosecutor’s office.

“They were not friends. [Nessel] made no bones about it when she was running about all this money they were paying [Flood].” Hall echoes that Nessel’s distaste for Flood, and Schuette,

Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel, second from right, at the 2019 inauguration of Gov. Gretchen Whitmer.

CONNER FLECKS / ALAMY STOCK PHOTO

was widely known.

Running for AG in the fall of 2018, candidate Nessel’s criticisms of the Flint investigation did more than spark media headlines; it turned criminal defendants who were cooperating with Flood silent.

“There were people beginning to cooperate and then you have Dana Nessel running for office saying I’m gonna shitcan the whole thing,” a source familiar with the investigation says.

Another source adds that defendants “clammed up” and became “downright defiant” when Nessel began publicly criticizing the investigation.

Those cooperating defendantsturned-silent included former Flint emergency manager Gerald Ambrose and ex-state drinking water chief Liane Shekter Smith. Ambrose was one of two emergency managers Flood charged with felonies for orchestrating an allegedly fraudulent financial deal that allowed a nearly bankrupt Flint to borrow $100 million dollars to join the new KWA water system. Shekter Smith was originally charged with felonies for her role in helping conceal Flint’s deadly Legionnaires outbreak from the public, but later reached a plea deal in exchange for her cooperation. In October 2014, Shekter Smith placed a worried call to a state health official stating that Snyder’s office “had been involved” in responding to the outbreak — and urged the health department not to notify the public. (Snyder testified to

Congress that he didn’t know about the outbreak until January 2016.)

But soon after Ambrose and Shekter Smith began providing prosecutors with information that could help build cases against top officials — including Snyder — Nessel began signaling she might torpedo the existing investigation. Suddenly, their lips were sealed.

Former special prosecutor Todd Flood didn’t respond to our request for comment for this story. In a 2023 interview, he insinuated his removal by Nessel was due to politics.

“We were moving in a normal, white collar crime type case, just as how I was trained, just as the feds would have done it, and we worked in conjunction with a lot of different agencies, and we moved the ball down the field, we were winning, the fact of politics coming into play to have us removed is what it is.”

‘Boxes in the basement’

In April 2019, Nessel’s office announced it had suddenly discovered, and seized, nearly two dozen boxes it claimed contained a “trove of documents,” and devices, that had supposedly been hidden in the basement of a state building.

Nessel’s office claimed the boxes contained computer hard drives, belonging to state officials, that Flood’s team had failed to search.

Days later, Nessel’s office fired Flood, claiming the boxes showed he failed to “fully and properly” pursue legal discovery over his three-year investiga-

tion. Soon after, Nessel stunned Flint residents by dropping criminal charges against eight state and city officials. In a meeting with Flint residents, Hammoud and Worthy claimed the boxes contained potential evidence Flood failed to obtain — leaving them no choice but to drop all criminal charges and restart the investigation.

“We were told at some point that we already had this information,” Worthy told a crowd of frustrated Flint residents. “We found out that it was not anything that we already had.” In totality, the duo claimed there were millions of Flint-related documents that Flood’s team hadn’t searched.

But most of what they told residents wasn’t true, according to multiple sources familiar with the Flint investigation. “It wasn’t quite the media splash it was made out to be,” a source familiar with Nessel’s investigation says.

“It wasn’t a treasure trove worth of stuff,” the source adds. The boxes contained “some” new stuff that the AG’s office’s civil division hadn’t handed over to Flood, the source explains, but contrary to Nessel’s office’s claims, the boxes primarily held duplicates, and backups, of documents and devices Flood’s team had already obtained.

The source’s account is consistent with a February 2019 email sent by Eric Jamison, an Assistant Attorney General in Nessel’s office. After speaking with two state officials familiar with the boxes, Jamison emailed attorneys in the

metrotimes.com | January 24-30, 2024 19

AG’s office explaining that the boxes contained external hard drives with “back-up copies of forensic images of computers” belonging to state environmental officials “involved with Flint.”

He added that the “original images” were housed in the environmental and technology departments — and that the external hard drives were “simply a back-up copy.” Jamison also said that the boxes contained “non-Flint water related documents” taken from the offices of two environmental officials who’d been criminally charged over the water crisis. In a sworn 2019 affidavit, Jamison revealed that an attorney from Nessel’s office’s Flint criminal team had reviewed the boxes and found they held “copies of materials that have already been provided” to Flood.

The misleading portrayal provided by Nessel’s office to Flint residents was par for the course, Hall tells Metro Times.

“My hunch is not much of what [Nessel] said is going to review well with the facts looking at it now in 2023.”

‘Shit show’

After firing Flood in April 2019, Nessel appointed Hammoud, a prosecutor in the Wayne County prosecutor’s office, to lead the Flint prosecution. The move was a head-scratcher for many in the Michigan legal community.

Arthur Busch, the former Genesee County prosecutor, tells Metro Times that in Michigan’s legal circles, criminal lawyers generally know who the “higher level players are in this business.” But Busch, who criticized Nessel’s decision to fire Flood, says he had never heard of Hammoud. “I don’t think she had any big reputation.”

Another legal source familiar with the Flint criminal proceedings is more blunt: “[Hammoud] never even tried a case [before a jury], so what in the world was she doing replacing Todd Flood, who was an accomplished trial attorney?”

Alongside Hammoud, Nessel hired veteran prosecutor Kym Worthy to lead the prosecution. But according to multiple sources, Worthy was semiremoved from the investigation and involved in name only — with her dayto-day responsibilities as chief prosecutor in the county Detroit sits taking up most of her time.

“It was a shit show,” a source with knowledge of what transpired internally in Nessel’s office’s Flint investigation tells Metro Times. “They weren’t prepared for what was coming. If you place amateurs in there to play in the big leagues, they’re probably gonna get their asses kicked.”

Missteps began early into the revamped investigation when Hammoud and her team decided to deploy a secre-

people who died of pneumonia in 20142016], you’d find hundreds of people who died of Legionnaires,” a source familiar with the Flint investigation tells Metro Times.

With Muchmore’s testimony, the one-man grand jury indicted Snyder on two counts of willful neglect of duty, a misdemeanor with a penalty of oneyear in prison and a $1,000 fine. But The Intercept reported that before his firing, Flood’s team was prepared to charge Snyder with misconduct in office — and working on building a case against Snyder for involuntary manslaughter for his failure to notify Flint residents sooner about the Legionnaires outbreak.

Former Governor Rick Snyder.

MICHIGAN MUNICIPAL LEAGUE, FLICKR

“I feel betrayed. It seems justice for Flint residents is becoming out of reach.” - Nayyirah Shariff, founder of Flint Rising tive one-man grand jury in order to issue indictments. The process consists of prosecutors submitting evidence, and witnesses, to a judge behind closed doors; the judge then decides whether or not there’s enough evidence to issue indictments. Upon deciding to use the one-man grand jury, Hammoud was cautioned to prepare for attorneys representing Snyder, and other defendants, who would file motions to, among other things, challenge the legality of the one-man jury.

“They didn’t do it well,” the source says, adding that Hammoud and other prosecutors were simply “overwhelmed” by the multitude of highpriced attorneys representing Snyder and other defendants — and the gauntlet of legal motions they filed to delay criminal proceedings, and ultimately, dismiss the charges.

Another failure by Nessel’s office revolved around a decision not to use a legal taint team as part of their discovery process. A taint team is composed of attorneys who sort through discovery materials to remove anything that might be protected by attorney-client privilege. “[Flood] flat out told them before he was out the door that they needed to use a taint team,” a source familiar with Nessel’s investigation tells Metro Times.

“They were well aware.”

But Nessel’s office didn’t do so, resulting in a judge ordering them to set up a taint team. By Nessel’s office’s estimates, the judge’s order would cause a two-year delay in criminal proceedings at a cost of an additional $37 million dollars to Michigan taxpayers.

20 January 24-30, 2024 | metrotimes.com

Muchmore testified

For prosecutors, Muchmore, a top official close to Snyder during the water crisis, was a key official capable of providing evidence of what — and when — the governor knew about Flint’s toxic water.

Such a high-value witness would have to be protected, says Busch, the former Genesee County prosecutor.

“The main reason you use a one-man grand jury is to protect your witnesses,” says Busch, who criticized Nessel’s decision to fire Flood and relaunch the investigation. Busch explains that the point of using a one-man grand jury for top government witnesses is so criminal defendants can’t learn their identity before a trial and “bend their arms” or “kill them” before they testify.

The Intercept reported that, prior to Nessel’s investigation, Flood and his team concluded Snyder knew about the deadly Legionnaires outbreak as early as October 2014 — 16 months earlier than he notified the public — due to an unusual two-day flurry of phone calls between Muchmore, Snyder, and exMDHHS Director Lyon. The avalanche of calls between Snyder and his lieutenants occurred at the same time state health and environmental officials were trading worried calls and emails about the outbreak in Flint. PBS reported that the waterborne disease may have been responsible for the death of over 100 Flint residents, but many Flint activists believe many more residents died as a result of misdiagnosed, or undiagnosed, Legionnaires.

“If you exhumed the bodies [of

‘Travesty for the people of Flint’

Nearly a decade later, Flint residents are still struggling with water-related illnesses, and processing the likelihood that no government official will ever face a jury, or be convicted, for their role in poisoning Flint.

“I feel betrayed,” Nayyirah Shariff, a Flint activist who founded the grassroots group Flint Rising, tells Metro Times. “It seems justice for Flint residents is becoming out of reach.”

On Nessel torpedoing the original Flint investigation, only to ultimately lead it to being tossed out of court, Hall is uncertain what the driving force behind Nessel’s decisions were.

“Almost none of their decisions worked out,” Hall says. “It certainly looks like either they didn’t make very good decisions, with good intentions, or they didn’t have good intentions.

The result is the result.”

Peter Hammer, a Wayne State law professor who authored a report that found systemic racism at the root of the Flint water crisis, condemned Nessel’s actions.

“The Attorney General’s treatment of the criminal case is an absolute travesty for the people of Flint,” Hammer tells Metro Times. “She took an advanced criminal investigation that was headed in the right direction and started all over, almost from scratch. The resulting failure to bring any effective criminal charges is inexcusable. It is a tragedy for the people of Flint. It also means that important parts of the story behind the Flint Water Crisis will never be publicly known.”

Nessel’s office did not respond to requests for comment for this story.

Jordan Chariton is an independent journalist and CEO of Status Coup News. He’s reported in Flint nearly 20 times since 2016. His first book, We The Poisoned: Exposing the Flint Water Crisis Cover Up and the Poisoning of 100,000 Americans, will be published in summer 2024.

metrotimes.com | January 24-30, 2024 21

EMPLOYMENT Robert Bosch LLC seeks Software Engineer (MULT POS) (Plymouth, MI).

REQS: Bach deg, or frgn equiv, in Elec Eng, Electronic Eng or CompSci & 3yrs as SW Dvlper, Perception Eng or other occ/ pos/job title involving SW prgming in C++ w/in auto indus. Telecomm: Remote Work May Be Permitted.

Applicants who are interested in this position should apply online at https://www.bosch. us/careers/, search [Software Engineer / REF218152B]

22 January 24-30, 2024 | metrotimes.com

WHAT’S GOING ON Select events happening in metro Detroit this week. Be sure to check venue website before events for latest information.

Add your event to our online calendar: metrotimes.com/AddEvent.

MUSIC Wednesday, Jan. 24 Armand Hammer, Quelle Chris 7 p.m.; Magic Bag, 22920 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $25.

Sabbatical Bob 8 pm; Garden Bowl Lounge, 4120 Woodward Avenue, Detroit; no cover.

Woodbridge Pub & The Preservation of Jazz Presents Just Jazz & Blues Every Wednesday Night 7-11 p.m.; Aretha’s Jazz Cafe, 350 Madison St., Detroit; no cover.

Thursday, Jan. 25 Couch, Alisa Amador 7 p.m.; Magic Stick, 4120 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $20.

Dru Hill 8 p.m.; Sound Board, 2901 Grand River Ave., Detroit; $59-$73.

Flatland Cavalry 7 p.m.; Royal Oak Music Theatre, 318 W. Fourth St., Royal Oak; $25-$75.

Friday, Jan. 26 The 47th Ann Arbor Folk Festival 7 p.m.; Hill Auditorium, 825 N. University Ave., Ann Arbor; $47.50-$200.

Ann Arbor Symphony Orchestra in Detroit 8 pm; Orchestra Hall, 3711 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $10-$50.

Boy Band Review - Party Songs From NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, NKOTB, One Direction, Jonas Brothers, and more! 7 p.m.; District 142, 142 Maple St., Wyandotte; $18-$28.

Duke Tumatoe & The Power Trio 7:30 p.m.; The Token Lounge, 28949 Joy Rd., Westland; $15-$120.

Juice 7 p.m.; The Loving Touch, 22634 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $20.

Lloyd, ZO!, Tall Black Guy 8 p.m.; Sound Board, 2901 Grand River Ave., Detroit; $41-$53.

Mac Saturn, the Thing With Feathers 6:30 p.m.; The Fillmore, 2115 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $23-$53.

Magic Bag Presents: 80s vs 90s - MEGA vs CLASS 7 p.m.;

Magic Bag, 22920 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $25.

Blind Pig Blind Pig Comedy FREE Mondays, 8 p.m.

Tuesday, Jan. 30

Thursday, Rival Schools, Many Eyes 6 p.m.; Magic Stick, 4120 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $30.

Aaron-Jonah Lewis: Alpino Roots Cellar Music Series 6:308 p.m.; Alpino, 1426 Bagley St, Detroit; $10.

The Wildwoods 7:30 p.m.; 20 Front Street, 20 Front St., Lake Orion; $20.

HINDER 6 p.m.; District 142, 142 Maple St., Wyandotte; $25-$35.

DJ/Dance

The Plutophonic, Animal Box, DJ BForeman 9 p.m.-midnight; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak; no cover.

B.Y.O.R Bring Your Own Records Night 9 pm-midnight; The Old Miami, 3930 Cass Ave., Detroit; no cover.

Saturday, Jan. 27 The 47th Ann Arbor Folk Festival 7 pm; Hill Auditorium, 825 N. University Ave., Ann Arbor; $47.50$200.

Bommer Yunit Skraight From The Underground Tour 6 p.m.; Harpos, 14238 Harper Ave, Detroit; $20.

Duende! + DJ Liz CopelandWarner 9 p.m.-midnight; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak; no cover.

Femmes of Rock 7 p.m.; District 142, 142 Maple St., Wyandotte; $35$45.

Mickey Darling 7 p.m.; The Shelter, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; $20.

Mozart’s Jupiter Symphony 8-10 p.m.; Michigan Theater, 603 E. Liberty St., Ann Arbor; $25-$90.

Restless Road, Erin Kinsey 7 p.m.; Magic Stick, 4120 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $65.

The New Old, Livernois, Lori & The Darlings, Remnants 7:30 p.m.; The Token Lounge, 28949 Joy Rd., Westland; $12.

DJ/Dance Saturday Dance Party! 10 p.m.-2 a.m.; Delux Lounge, 350 Monroe, Detroit; no cover.

Sunday, Jan. 28 Elvis-The Concert of Kings, Elvis Tribute 7:30 p.m.; Sound Board, 2901 Grand River Ave., Detroit; $34-$47.

Lyn Lapid, Ashley Mehta 7 p.m.; The Shelter, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; $20.

Monday, Jan. 29 Adult Skate Night 8:30-11 p.m.; Lexus Velodrome, 601 Mack Ave., Detroit; $5.

THEATER Performance Detroit Public Theatre Blues for an Alabama Sky. $47. Wednesday, 7 p.m.

Flagstar Strand Theatre for the Performing Arts Notre Dame Prep Middle School presents Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Jr. $15. Friday, 7 p.m. and Saturday, 3 & 7 p.m.

Marygrove College Theatre Black Girl Therapy. $30. Saturday, 7-8:30 p.m.

Meadow Brook Theatre Father of the Bride. $43. Wednesday, 2 & 8 p.m., Thursday, 8 p.m., Friday, 8 p.m., Saturday, 6 p.m., and Sunday, 2 & 6:30 p.m.

Musical Wicked Wednesday, 7:30 p.m., Thursday, 1 & 7:30 p.m., Friday, 7:30 p.m., Saturday, 2 & 7:30 p.m., Sunday , 1, 6:30 & 7:30 p.m. and Tuesday, 7:30 p.m.; Detroit Opera House, 1526 Broadway St., Detroit; 313-961-3500.

COMEDY Improv Go Comedy! Improv Theater Pandemonia The All-Star Showdown.

Fridays and Saturdays, 7:30 p.m. & 9:30 p.m. $25.

The Independent Comedy Club at Planet Ant Tonight vs Everybody: Open Mic Comedy.

Sign up 8:30 p.m. Show at 9 p.m. $5 suggested donation. Thursdays, 9-10:30 p.m.

FILM Screening FIM Capitol Theatre O Brother, Where Art Thou? $2-$7. Friday, 7-9 p.m.

Motor City Cinema Society The Last Detail (1973) Monday, 6:30 p.m.

Movie Night at Detroit Shipping Company FREE popcorn and Happy Hour drink specials all night. No cover. All ages welcome. Wednesday, 5-10 p.m.; Detroit Shipping Company, 474 Peterboro St., Detroit; no cover.

ARTS Artist talk 2024 Annual Swanson Public Lecture: Flores & Prats Arqchitects Flores & Prats Arqchitects. Thursday, 6-7 p.m.; Cranbrook Art Museum, 39221 N. Woodward Ave., Bloomfield Hills; no cover.

Art Exhibition Opening Stamelos Gallery Center, UM-Dearborn Andy T’s Urban Vision 2001-2024. Free to the public Mondays-Fridays, Sundays, 10 a.m.-5 p.m.

The Carr Center Gallery at the Park Shelton BLACK Exhibition Opening Reception Friday, 6-8 p.m.

Continuing This Week Color & Ink Studio UNIFIED: A Keto Green Solo Show. No cover — dontations welcome. Fridays, 5-8 p.m., Saturdays, 12-3 p.m., and Sundays, 12-3 p.m.

Mark Ridley’s Comedy Castle Mike Vecchione, Jim Eliot, Jordan Hanson. $25.Thursday, 7:30-9 p.m., Friday, 7:15-8:45 & 9:45-11:15 p.m., and Saturday, 7-8:30 & 9:30-11 p.m.

PARC Art Gallery The Art and Soul Exhibit & Sale. Includes over 50 works that move the mind, body and spirit featuring the work of Al Bonacorsi, Allen Brooks, Cheryl Chidester, Winnie Chrzanowski, Susan Clinthorne, Jan Dale, Ellen Doyle, Lulu Fall, Kelsey Fox, Brian Fritz, James Guy, Tim Haber, Laura Johnson, Krisjan Krafchak, Mary Lane, Michelle M Beaupre, Christine Minderovic, Stephanie Onwenu, Wendy Scarbrough, and Joan Witte.

No cover. Through March 4, 10 a.m.-8 p.m.

Comedy Open-Mic

University of Michigan

Stand-up Aretha’s Jazz Cafe Foxxy Gwensday Wednesday & Renaissances Port Presents ft. T Barb & Friends Comedy Night Hosted by T.G. $20.

Wednesday, 6-10 p.m.

metrotimes.com | January 24-30, 2024 23

Museum of Art Unsettling Histories: Legacies of Slavery and Colonialism.

WELLNESS Fundraiser Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History COTS Soup City: A Night at the Wright. An evening full of decadent food, heartwarming art and moving entertainment. $100. Wednesday, 5:30 p.m.

CARS Opening Gateway Classic Cars of Detroit Caffeine and Chrome Classic Cars and Coffee at Gateway.

Every last Saturday, Gateway Classic Cars hosts Caffeine and Chrome event at all of our 21 showrooms. Cruise in with your collectible car or daily driver and bring your appetite. Indulge in pastries and coffee (while supplies last). No cover. Saturday, 9 a.m.-noon.

MISCELLANEOUS Opening Grand Opening of Greene & Co Studio + Shoppe An interior design studio for customers to explore and shop curated finds and made to order artisanal pieces, will be having a grand opening weekend on Jan. 26 and 27 where 10% of sales are donated to Gesher Human Services’ Trade Secrets event which supports workforce programs serving women and families, including financial education, homebuyers’ assistance and more. The store will open its doors to the community for a free coffee & networking event on Friday, Jan. 26 at 9 a.m. and a free coffee & energy workshop on Saturday, Jan. 27 at 9 a.m.

Drink Dry Red January Six local distributors will be on hand for a red wine tasting tour around the Alps.

This event will include tastes of up to 35 wines and Alpine-inspired cheese and charcuterie platters.

Thursday, 6-8 p.m.; Alpino, 1426 Bagley St., Detroit; $68; 313-524-0888; alpinodetroit.com.

Convention Huntington Place Detroit Boat Show. Saturdays, 11 a.m.-8 p.m.; Sundays and Mondays:,11 a.m.-6 p.m.; Thursday & Friday: 3 p.m.-9 p.m. $14.

Exhibits Cranbrook Institute of Science Galileo: Scientist,

Emmylou Harris headlines the Ann Arbor Folk Fest on Saturday.

Critics’ picks Tammy Lakkis

MUSIC: Singer, songwriter, and DJ Tammy Lakkis is hitting the Foxglove, a vinyl-only hangout situated in an urban garden and adjacent garage. The space hosts an open deck night on the second and fourth Thursday of each month where anyone can show up with their favorite LPs and give them a spin in a more intimate and DIY setting than a nightclub. Signups start at 5 p.m. with 30 minute open deck slots from 6-10:30 p.m., and Lakkis goes on at 10:30 p.m. Bring your own vessel for a hot drink and check out some vintage gems for sale while you’re there. We’re told the garage is warm, so don’t fret. And for those of us who are too old to drink and party all night because we have shit to do the next morning, the gathering intentionally ends at midnight. —Randiah Camille Green From 5 p.m.-midnight on Thursday, Jan. 25; Foxglove, 356 Kenilworth St., Detroit; instagram.com/foxglove.detroit.

Cover is $5 after 8 p.m.

BLACK: A Built Language Around Culture and Knowledge ARTS: In honor of Black History Month, Detroit’s Carr Center is hosting a handful of programs dedicated to highlighting Black artists in the city. Gallery Director Tia Nichols tapped Detroit artist Daniel Geanes to help her curate the group exhibition BLACK, which is an acronym for “A Built Language Across Culture and Knowledge.” For the show, Geanes had a vision to showcase Black artists in Detroit who all have unique personal identities, as well as unique styles and approaches to their craft. He thought Black History Month was the perfect time and that Detroit, being a predominantly Black city, was the perfect place. The exhibition includes a variety of artists — some who create work showcasing Blackness in pop culture

24 January 24-30, 2024 | metrotimes.com

SHUTTERSTOCK

and American media, some whose art is more abstract, some who insert Detroit culture into their work, some who primarily paint portraits of people, and some who utilize other mediums. The 11 artists who are a part of the exhibition include Geanes, William Matthews, Trae Isaac, Torrence Jayy, Skylar Turner, Quadre Curry, Desawna “Sis” Buford, Giovanni Gulley, Tiera Knaff, Brian Nickson, and Marlo Broughton. —Layla McMurtrie Opening reception from 6-8 p.m. on Friday, Jan. 26; The Carr Center; 15 E. Kirby St., Detroit; thecarrcenter.org.

Show runs through Feb. 29. No cover.

Ann Arbor Folk Festival MUSIC: When legendary singer-songwriter Emmylou Harris hits the stage at the 47th annual Ann Arbor Folk Festival this weekend, it’ll be her fifth appearance at the long-running festival. Harris, 76, headlined the festival in 1999, 2004, 2012, as well as in 2008 in an in-the-round configuration with Patty Griffin, Shawn Colvin, and Buddy Miller, and was set to perform at the 2022 version of the festival before it was canceled due to a surge in COVID-19. This year’s also the first time the festival has returned to a two-day in-person event, with Old Crow Medicine Show, Devon Gilfillian, Bailen, Darren Kiely, and Sons of Mystro on Friday, and Harris, Michigan Rattlers, Steve Poltz, Lizzie No, and The Sea The Sea on Saturday, and Michigan actor and musician Jeff Daniels MCing both nights. Suffice it to say, this is a great opportunity for fans to catch Harris, a Country Music Hall of Famer, as well as all the other performers, and support a good cause at the same time. The fest raises funds for Ann Arbor venue The Ark. —Lee DeVito Event starts at 7 p.m. on Friday, Jan. 26 and Saturday, Jan. 27; Hill Auditorium; 825 N. University Ave., Ann Arbor; theark.org. Tickets are $47.50-$200.

metrotimes.com | January 24-30, 2024 25

MUSIC Local Buzz

LET’S GO LIONS!!!

(doom/grunge/psych rock/heavy) Doors@9p/$5cover

Hamtramck Blowout is back, but Metro Times is no longer producing it

Sat 1/27

By Lee DeVito

WE ARE OPEN GAMEDAY NOON-2AM COME SEE DETROIT MAKE HISTORY!

Fri 1/26

SOOT/THE VELVET SNAKES/ HILLBILLY KNIFE FIGHT

HI-VIEWS/FABULOUS HENHOUSE BOYS/ BRAIN WAVES (rock’n’roll/country/garage rock) Doors@9p/$5cover

Sun 1/28

LIONS vs 49er’s KICKOFF@6:30PM

NFL Conference Championship Game SERVING UP MIZZ RUTH’S GRILL @5pm

Mon 1/29

FREE POOL ALL DAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TAYLOR HINES! Tues 1/30

B. Y. O. R. Bring Your Own Records (weekly) Open Decks@8PM NO COVER IG: @byor_tuesdays_old_miami

Coming Up: 2/02 Sea Hag/Scum Queens/Velvet Snakes/Debbie 2/03 THE OLD MIAMI TURNS 44!

2/03 Treason/Deemed Unfit 2/10 7th Annual VALIDtines Show 2/16 djkage & FRIENDS 2/17 BANGERZ & JAMZ (monthly dance party) 2/25 ABRACADABRA 2024: Strange Magic/Doubt It/Wounded Touch/ Cyanide/Muddhouse/Pepper&The Heavy Boys & MORE 3/01 Dom Shbeats/Greyhound/ Sean Monaghan/Woof/Lucy V 3/16 3rd Annual Barfly Awards!

VOTE NOW@the bar!

Book Your Parties at The Old Miami Email us: theoldmiamibarevents@gmail.com

ALL YOUR TEAMS PLAYING ON OUR BIG SCREENS!

Got a Detroit music tip? Send it to music@metrotimes.com.

We were surprised to learn last week that the Hamtramck Blowout — the local music festival organized

by Metro Times from 1998-2015 — is returning this year.

The Detroit News reports that the organizers behind the Hamtramck Labor Day Festival plan to revive the Blowout, set for Friday, March 1 and Saturday, March 2 across multiple venues in and around Hamtramck. The organizers say the event will serve as a fundraiser for the Hamtramck Labor Day Festival, and while a lineup has yet to be announced, they are now accepting artist applications at hamtramckblowout. com.

Metro Times is not involved with this version of the festival, and only learned about it from social media.

This came as somewhat of a shock to us because the “Hamtramck Blowout” was originally a Metro Times creation — but we’re always on board to support all things local music.

While the Detroit News reports that Blowout was produced by MT “[for] the bulk of its existence” and originated in 1998 as a fundraiser for the Detroit Music Awards, this isn’t 100% accurate. The organizers of the first annual Blowout, Chris Handyside and Brian Boyle, were both Metro Times employees. (That year the Motor City Music Awards merged with the Metro Timesproduced Detroit Music Awards.) In 2004, Metro Times cut ties with the Detroit Music Awards, though we stayed on as a print sponsor and continued to produce Blowout.

The inaugural Blowout lineup featured then-little known acts like Eminem and the White Stripes, and while it got off to a bit of a rocky start, the event grew in popularity over the years.

It became known as a way to sample

26 January 24-30, 2024 | metrotimes.com

Organizers of the Hamtramck Labor Day Festival are bringing back Blowout.

DOUG COOMBE

the many under-the-radar artists in Detroit’s fertile music scene — and beat the winter blues by drinking beer and bar-hopping in Hamtramck.

Eventually, the festival spread to venues beyond Hamtramck in Detroit and Ferndale, and was also moved to later in the spring. In 2015, headliners included national and international acts like Andrew W.K., the Black Lips, Alvvays, and Fucked Up. But it seems like local music fans really want a festival in March — which coincides around spring break time for many colleges — and especially in Hamtramck, which at one time boasted more bars per capita than any other U.S. city. By 2014, a grassroots “Hamtramck Music Festival” emerged to fill the void left by Blowout, raising money for Hamtramck Public Schools. Hamtramck Music Festival moved to the summer in 2021 due to the COVID-19 pandemic and returned again in 2022 before organizers apparently decided to call it quits.

All this is to say… we wish nothing but the best for the new Hamtramck Blowout. While we had our own dreams of one day bringing back the Blowout as a Metro Times event, we’re glad an ambitious group has stepped up to bring a music festival back to Hamtramck in early March to give local music fans something to look forward to during our long Michigan winters.

And if the quality of the booking of the

Hamtramck Labor Festival is any indication — New York’s funky ESG and Philly punk rockers the Dead Milkmen drew huge crowds in recent years — we’re excited to see what they do with Blowout. Best of luck! Wristbands are available for $20 at hamtramckblowout. com.

42 Dugg’s hometown triumph We have to admit we were a bit nervous about rapper 42 Dugg’s big homecoming concert, held at Little Caesars Arena on Friday. First announced in October shortly after the rapper was released from federal prison on a firearms charge, the event was originally billed as a birthday bash for the 29-year-old, but was postponed just two weeks before its initially planned Nov. 25 date with no reason given. Then, we got excited again when 2010s Detroit hip-hop heavyweights Doughboyz Cashout and Team Eastside were added to the bill, but braced ourselves as a social media drama unfolded days before the rescheduled date in which it appeared Doughboyz dropped out. In the end, Dugg pulled it off: hip-hop heads packed into Little Caesars Arena for a star-studded show that featured guests including Yo Gotti, Meek Mill, Lil Baby, Lil Durk, Jeezy, GloRilla, Boosie Badazz, Gillie The Kid, Wallo, DeJ Loaf, and more. And in the end, Doughboyz Cashout and Team Eastside both showed up, too. Nice work, Dugg!

metrotimes.com | January 24-30, 2024 27

FOOD

At Aldaar, every dish is made to order.

VIOLA KLOCKO

Yemeni delights

By Jane Slaughter

Aldaar 7040 Schaefer Rd., Dearborn 313-429-3377 Aldaarrestaurant.com Breakfast $11.99-$16.99, dinners $15.99$28.99

Everyone I know loves Hamtramck’s Yemen Café, particularly since it moved from its hole in the wall to a big bright space some years ago.

Especially when out-of-towners want to go out for Middle Eastern food, as they usually do, it’s fun to introduce them to a cuisine that’s off their beaten track.

Yemeni is also good when you want a fix of lamb, since so many of the Lebanese restaurants around do beef instead.

Thus it’s a pleasure to recommend another Yemeni restaurant, this time in Dearborn, opened last spring.

I went to Aldaar, which means “house” or “home,” right before seeing a program of Yemeni film shorts at a packed house in the Arab American National Museum. My favorite of the nine, titled In the Long Run, by Yousef Assabahi, centered on young Ahmed’s quest to buy bread at his mother’s behest. Yemeni bread, rashush, is a huge

flat round, less floury and more flavorful than pita. Throughout, Ahmed carries an outsize “bread towel.” “Why are you carrying that bread towel?” asks each person he meets on his adventures through the village — losing his money, witnessing fights, playing a marblestype game. (No one didn’t know it was a bread towel.) “My father doesn’t agree with bread in a plastic bag,” Ahmed explains. “He says it gives you cancer.”

One elder notes that if that were true, “every Yemeni would have cancer.”

The hollow rounds at Aldaar have never touched plastic; they’re a mix of crunch and soft, browned and puffy.

Each is made to order in a very hot oven; they must be at least two feet across. They need to be big because traditionally, you use a torn-off piece of bread to scoop up your food from a communal platter, rather than a fork.

(Plastic forks are offered, though.)

In fact, the Aldaar staff prides itself that every dish is made to order. “Fresh every customer. Meat separate, separate spoon and plate. Everything separate,” I was told.

Besides the rashush, one of the best parts of an Aldaar experience is the free cup of lamb broth that’s served

28 January 24-30, 2024 | metrotimes.com

before your mains are delivered, along with a salad and a couple of sauces, hot (green) and mild (red). It’s rich and golden and sets you up nicely for the rest of the meal. The salad has a good carrot-ginger dressing that rescues it from boredom.

You can get chicken and seafood at Aldaar, and a beef ghalaba, but I recommend taking advantage of the fact that there are multiple types of lamb. The best is fahsah, shredded and served bubbling hot (don’t get impatient) in a clay bowl. (“So Fahsah, So Good,” wrote one fan.) It’s made with onion, garlic, jalapeño, cilantro, tomato paste, and fenugreek, treated to lessen the bitterness. I guarantee no bitterness in the rich finished fahsah.

Salatah is similar but with root vegetables instead of lamb. There’s fahsah tuna too.

For barmah, the lamb is plain, possibly boiled, but there’s enough to share and it’s served with a huge amount of two kinds of lovely spiced basmati rice. For haneeth, the lamb is roasted for hours at a low temperature, with all the traditional Yemeni spices, and it’s super-tender and moist.

One night I asked about five types of

chicken on the menu: zarbian, madfoon, and madghoot were not available.

Madfoon is buried underground and smoked, so you can see why this might be a special-occasion dish. Instead I asked for chicken mandi, which was exceptionally juicy with a soft, brightred skin, and lemon slices to cut the richness. The distinctive ingredients in this one (at least in online recipes) seem to be ghee and dried limes.

You may find yourself getting a side dish of vegetables with your order, or you can ask for mushakal. This is okra, potatoes, carrots, and green pepper, sautéed soft. I liked it, but just don’t expect crispness; the potatoes are only shaped like French fries.

Aldaar does a full breakfast, too, with various combinations of fava beans, kidney beans, scrambled eggs, and tahini: foul, fassolia, kebdah, lahsah, or a beef dish called segher. The seafood is branzino, baked salmon, and kingfish.

Dessert involves honey on bread, possibly with dates, cheese, or cream. Water is available only in bottles.

Prices sound on the high side, with most dishes in the upper 20s if you include rice (which you must), but most will feed two.

metrotimes.com | January 24-30, 2024 29

FOOD

Mr. Poker Face.

SHUTTERSTOCK

Chowhound

Dueling Valentine’s Day cards

By Robert Stempkowski

In the two-handed poker

game of relationships, openness and honesty should probably trump all.

Still, laying one’s cards on the table, just like that, isn’t always easy, even when that special someone sitting opposite you seems to know exactly what you’ve been holding onto. Consider this back-and-forth between a couple I once waited on at the end of a busy Valentine’s Day dinner shift: “So, explain this solitaire situation to me again, Jake,” a certain gal insisted of her guy as I approached to pick up the check from their table.

“It’s online solitaire, Sharon. Sometimes I can’t sleep,” Jake answered.

“What’s your point?”

“Let me rephrase, Jake,” Sharon persisted. “Explain the attraction.”

Jake and I made eye contact. Thinking I saw a “bail me out, bro” look on his face, I did what I could.

“Would you two care for after-dinner drinks, perhaps?” I offered.

“We just need a few minutes,” Sharon shot down the suggestion with a terse look, not the least bit thirsty.

You’re on your own, pal, I thought to myself, walking away only far enough to stay within earshot while pretending to straighten up my section.

“Go ahead, Jake. Tell me what’s so fascinating about online solitaire.”

“What? I like it, Sharon. So what?”

Jake tried to play it off.

“No, Jake, you love solitaire,” Sharon called him and then some. “You’re at it constantly. I’ve woken up more than a few times now while you’re still up playing it. I know you lock that door, and I can hear you clicking around.”

Suddenly, the real name of the game Jake was playing with himself was out there. He kept up his poker face for maybe another minute. I assumed he’d keep to his bluff.

“Just say it, Sharon.” Shockingly, Jake pretty much folded.

“No more solitaire, Jake,” Sharon laid down the new house rules. “Not when I’m around, conscious or not. Seriously.

Indulge some other hobby.”

Her points made and well-played, the Mrs. got up to — I assume — gather herself for a minute in the restroom, leaving what little remained in the manly department for Mr. Man of the House to do.

“Here you go, guy,” he waved me over with his credit card from where I’d been too obviously hovering and listeningin.

“Assuming you heard all that,” he confided so matter-of-factly after the mollifying admission that left me feeling mortified for him, “I’ve got to hand it to her. She beat me at my own game.”

“Could have gone worse,” I offered what consolation I could, from one card

30 January 24-30, 2024 | metrotimes.com

shark to another. After all, she could have caught him actually shuffling his deck.

And while we’re on the subject of giving things up: Detroit City Distillery’s ready to release this year’s batch of its crazy good Paczki Day Vodka.

Perchance you’re unfamiliar with Polish confectionary culture, Paczki (pronounced, “poonch-ki” in my circle) are delectable, filled doughnuts meant be enjoyed along with any and all last indulgences by the conclusion of Fat Tuesday, after which 40 days of Lent in all its intended fasting and abstinence commences in the Catholic tradition.

While flavored vodkas have been a thing forever now, DCD’s 80 proof, raspberry fritter offering is no product of some weird chemistry combining beaver’s anal glans and/or God-knowswhat-else into something that approximates the flavor of a delicious, eggy doughnut piped with natural jam. No siree. These bottles are filled with pure, Polish potato vodka from a 500-gallon still plunked full of actual Paczki baked fresh by Hamtramck’s venerated New Palace Bakery. Boy, I’d love to go bobbing for a few of those before DCD’s Master Distiller and co-owner, J. P. Jerome, opens the spigots on next year’s bottling. According to Jerome, the first two dozen bottles or so of this stuff

were just tried on family and friends for fun. Now, it’s become a seasonal imbibing sensation, and something Detroit City Distillery is taking national as of 8 a.m. Friday morning (Jan. 26), through its new partnership with online craft spirits retailer Seelbach’s. Bottles are $35, and online orders (detroitdistillery. com/shop) can be picked-up directly as of 4 p.m. on that date from DCD’s tasting room, located at 2462 Riopelle St. in the Eastern Market district.

Direct-to-consumer shipping will also be available in select states.

To know the pleasures of seasonal paczki is to feel the need to bag at least a few when they come back in season.

Fried light and slightly crispy, piped full and fruity (or custardy) on their pillowy insides, how apropos it is to have their vodka namesake now to wash them down with and send us off to sleep fatter and happier for the combined experience. And in their press release, Detroit City Distillery suggested that very pairing, along with mentioning how well Paczki Day Vodka works straight up chilled as a martini or mixed in a cocktail. And when the ex-bartender in me pondered some mixology possibilities for a Paczki-flavored spirit, here’s what I came up with:

The Dunking Donut (cocktail variation on the White Russian Theme): 1 ½ oz. Paczki Day Vodka ½ oz. Kahlua or coffee liqueur 4 oz. Milk, cream, almond milk, etc.

PBJ Martini: 1 ½ oz. Paczki Day Vodka 1 ½ oz. Skrewball Whisky 1 oz. heavy whipping cream Shaken

Raspberry Danish (weekend brunch shot, anyone?): 1 oz. Paczki Day Vodka ½ oz. Frangelico or Hazelnut schnapps ½ oz. Almendrado (almond-tequila liqueur) Lastly, the restaurant reunion tour continues: I just paid my first visits to Dearborn Heights’ Mexican Fiesta (24310 Ford Rd.) since returning to Michigan in 2022. The place opened the year I was born (1962). Until recently, I hadn’t been there since the early ’80s, when a friend — even more stoned than I was — dumped salsa all down my Members Only jacket. The other night, I ordered a large Botana ($14.05).

It took two days to finish. Now, I’ll never fit into those parachute pants I was planning to squeeze on for the next Fordson reunion.

metrotimes.com | January 24-30, 2024 31

CULTURE

alexandra virginia martin’s “Pregnant Sigh” installation utilizes latex, water, wood, silicone, and turtle shells.

RANDIAH CAMILLE GREEN

Arts Spotlight

Nature remnants become eco offerings in ‘Beyond Topography’ show

By Randiah Camille Green

A show about landscapes could easily be boring, but Beyond Topography at the Janice Charach Gallery bends and reshapes our perception.

A mass of latex and fabric that seems to drip from above suspended mid-air alongside driftwood and dried plants draws me into the space. But a collection of animal skulls, feathers, and bones laid delicately on the floor stops me in my tracks. Each remnant of nature sits on a nest of braided seagrass and moss lying delicately atop small pillows as if taking a nap.

Beyond Topography is a group show

curated by Clinton Snider of works about how human beings interact with, interpret, and reimagine landscapes beyond the physical.

In addition to Snider’s work, it features paintings, installations, and sculptures by 23 artists including Taurus Burns, Mitch Cope, Joel Dugan, Bakpak Durden, Denise Fanning, Adrian Hatfield, Scott Hocking, Andy Krieger, Michael McGillis, Lucille and Jim Nawara, Rebecca Reeder, Tylonn Sawyer, Graem Whyte, Anthony Maughan, Milee Tibbs, Alison Wong, alexandra virginia martin, Mel Rosas,

32 January 24-30, 2024 | metrotimes.com

John Charnota, Faina Lerman, and Ivan Montoya.

Denise Fanning is responsible for the sleeping bone collection installation “A Soft Place to Land (Rest in Peace).”

On the gallery’s second floor, a second installation “The Good Mother Cloak” cascades down the wall like a waterfall of cords and twigs embedded with birds’ nests. “‘The Good Mother Cloak’ was conceived when I disassembled my deteriorating laundry baskets— breaking them down to salvage their raw material, and within it, the embedded

memory of years of repetitive domestic obligation and care,” she writes about the piece she weaved together with plant material and deconstructed baskets.

She continues, “As my garden merged with the deconstructed laundry baskets to become ‘The Good Mother Cloak,’ I was thinking about the complicated and varying expectations surrounding what it means to be a ‘good’ mother or what it means to just be a ‘good’ human and what it might look like to move through the world offering visible care and safety.”

Tanks of water underneath alexandra virginia martin’s latex piece make the room feel eerily alive in the installation she calls “Pregnant Sigh.”

While the installations are the standouts, there are plenty of intriguing paintings and photography in the show as well.

Snider’s paintings of barren yards populated with withered trees, graffiti, and shopping containers give an icy feel of urban desolation. Meanwhile, Milee Tibbs’ work like “Hexahedron/ Mont Blacn de Chelion: Crux” superimposes sacred geometry over mountain tundras suggesting the holy nature of these natural wonders and their mathematic building blocks.

“Many of my works are based on observations of the ever-shifting condition of the American landscape,” Snider said in a statement about the show. “Working with and against the historical legacy of landscape painting, these images reflect our uneasy relationship with nature and consider the effects of social and environmental transformation on the earth and the psyche.”

He adds, “Many of these vistas are unpopulated, giving one the sensation of being first on the scene to witness a subtle drama about the unfold or, perhaps, the last to arrive just after something has occurred. While these artworks blur the threshold of past and future, reality and imagination, and human and sorrow, they strive to reveal the significance of a moment or something of portent just out of reach and invite the viewer to consider the interconnectedness of humans and the natural environment.”

Much of the show, especially Fanning and martin’s installations, feels like offerings to the earth as an appreciation for what she provides. They are also a mirror that shows us how human beings are reflected in nature in both life and decay.

Beyond Topography is on view through Feb. 21 at the Janice Charach Gallery; 6600 W. Maple Rd., West Bloomfield; 248-432-5579; gallery.jccdet. org.

metrotimes.com | January 24-30, 2024 33

CULTURE

In Origin, Ava DuVernay turns Isabel Wilkerson’s nonfiction exploration of racism, Caste, into a gripping feature film.

ATSUSHI NISHIJIMA, COURTESY NEON

Film

Divide and conquer

By Chuck Wilson

Origin Rated: PG-13 Run-time: 141 minutes

Watching Origin, the mindstirring new film from writer-director Ava DuVernay, I found myself leaning forward, the way you do when a friend you haven’t seen in a long time relates an intensely personal tale of loss or love or both. University students no doubt do the same when Isabel Wilkerson, the Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and historian portrayed in the film by Aunjanue Ellis-Taylor, stands before them, lecturing. Wilkerson’s 2020 book Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents became a surprise bestseller during the pandemic. For the unlikely film version, DuVernay, who is skilled in both documentary (13th) and docudrama (Selma, When They See Us), sets out to bring Wilkerson’s ideas to a wide audience by placing the author’s life and the history she unearths side by side. The result is

both unwieldy and deeply moving.

Here is a rare and excellent thing — a major dramatic feature about a Black woman intellectual. DuVernay is blessed in Ellis-Taylor, who played the Williams sisters’ mother in the tennis drama King Richard. She has a great gift for both elucidating arcane ideas and for filling Wilkerson’s many moments of solitary reflection with resonant meaning. The author suffers a great personal loss just as she’s about to begin her book project. Ellis-Taylor infuses Wilkerson’s intellectual journey with the abiding current of that loss.

In the first of many historical reenactments, DuVernay begins with the February 2012 shooting death of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin (Myles Frost) by George Zimmerman in Sanford, Florida. It’s a heartbreaking sequence. When a magazine editor (Blair Underwood) asks the film’s Isabel to write about the case, she resists, but after listening to the 911 calls from Zimmerman and a neighbor who heard

34 January 24-30, 2024 | metrotimes.com

Martin crying out, she knows she must dig deeper. (The film utilizes the real 911 tapes.)

Isabel is troubled by the terminology we use to describe such events.

Zimmerman may have been a racist, but was there something more at work?

“Racism as the primary language to understand everything is insufficient,” Isabel tells her editor.

She is fascinated by the story of a German factory worker (Finn Wittrock) in love with a Jewish woman (Victoria Pedretti) who was captured in a photograph crossing his arms and refusing to salute Hitler like the workers around him. In the Nazi structure, Isabel sees an example of the caste system, a social hierarchy rooted in the accepted superiority of one class of people over another.

The most famous such system existed in India, where Dalits, or “untouchables,” have long been made to live in barren poverty while performing the most demeaning of social services.

Late in the film, a scene depicting a

man toiling deep into a vat of human excrement is juxtaposed against recreations of the Middle Passage of enslaved Africans as well as Jews being separated upon arrival at a concentration camp. This quick collage of harrowing imagery, while familiar to many, feels essential to this moment of a faltering collective memory.

Isabel begins her work by traveling first to Germany, where she stands one night before the shining light of “The Empty Library,” a public memorial to a 1933 book burning by Nazi Party university students, the reenactment of which may reverberate for moviegoers against memories of recent hate marches here in America. In Berlin, she’s shown documents revealing a 1933 meeting of Nazi lawyers who found in American Jim Crow laws all the inspiration they needed to begin preparing German society to accept “the Final Solution.”

The first hour of Origin moves in fits and starts, as if the filmmaker, like Isabel, is finding her way toward a unifying structure. At the film’s midpoint, Isabel attends a family picnic and begins explaining (or over-explaining) her thesis to her loyal cousin Marion (a marvelous Niecy Nash-Betts). “One more time, in English,” Marion says. “A little less Pulitzer Prize.” She continues, “Make it plain,” and as if heeding that call, DuVernay’s storytelling becomes more focused and direct.

It’s in the rich details of the personal that Origin soars. In one beautiful scene, the presence of which seems meant to suggest that the people in our very own lives have a living history worth documenting, Isabel records the remembrance of Miss (Audra McDonald), a longtime friend. Miss’s story of a belittling high school principal contains gratitude toward her father even as its specifics fill her with both pain and anger, a range of emotions that ripple across McDonald’s face all at once. Hers is a brief, classic performance.

Origin is challenging. It requires us to participate, to lean in, to listen. I’ve seen it twice and though I can see that it could be shorter and is sometimes didactic, its rewards are many, not least among them the affecting tenderness with which Isabel and those she loves approach one another. And in a season of good movies, you might be hard pressed to find a sequence as indelible as the final story Isabel is told. It involves a nine-year-old African American baseball player (Lennox Simms) circa 1951, who isn’t allowed to celebrate a championship victory with his white teammates. Like Trayvon Martin and the faces of so many whose histories momentarily intersect with Isabel’s, he’s unforgettable.

metrotimes.com | January 24-30, 2024 35

CULTURE Savage Love Micro Nots

By Dan Savage

Q:

I was seeing this guy for about four months. We were pretty much dating, doing all of the normal boyfriend/ girlfriend stuff. Everything was going great up until last night when he told me he feels all of these feelings for me, but they don’t mean anything because he’s felt this same way about others, but nothing has ever worked out. He told me that whatever we have “isn’t enough.”

I’m not sure what that even means. But last night he also told me that he loves me and yet he still left. I’m so confused.

Do you have any insight?

—What The Fuck

A:

Thank you for contacting Savage Love. Your question is very important to us and one of our representatives will be with you shortly.

But first…

Polyamory is having a moment. The New York Times, The New Yorker, New York Magazine, and The New York Post have all run big stories about polyamorous relationships in the last two weeks. Hell, even the ladies on The View are arguing about it. The talk about polyamory has suddenly gotten so loud that some conservatives — not usually the kind of people prone to conspiratorial thinking (cough cough) — are convinced it’s a plot.

“The memo has gone out,” Matt Walsh of The Daily Wire posted on Twitter last week. “This is the next frontier in the war on the nuclear family!”

No memo went out, Matt, it was something far more banal. A book that came out: More: A Memoir of Open Marriage by Brooklyn-based writer Molly Roden Winter. There were press releases, not memos, and thanks to a big marketing push — a big and very successful marketing push (congrats to the PR team at Penguin Random House!) — polyamory is suddenly everywhere.

If I were a different sort of writer — if I had one self-promoting bone in my body — I might take a victory lap. I mean, I’ve been credited with helping to mainstream the conversation about ethically non-monogamous relationships; I’ve discussed the subject in my

columns and podcasts, on The View and on the Colbert Report. But instead of claiming a share of the credit for polyamory’s breakthrough moment, I’m going to offer a little counterprogramming instead. While everyone else is talking about polyamorous relationships, I’m gonna talk about making monogamous relationships.

I’m not here to run them down, I’m here to make them a little more resilient — not resilient in the face of the polyamorous conspiracy that wasn’t, but resilient in the face some deeply unhelpful bullshit monogamous people keep trying to make happen.

I’m speaking, of course, of the concept of “micro-cheating.”

If monogamous people are going to define cheating as unforgivable — and most monogamous people do — then monogamous people should really define cheating as narrowly as possible. That is if they want their marriages to be stable — which frankly, at this point, I’m not convinced they do.

Which would explain why monogamous people have spent the last decade growing the list of what “counts” as cheating; everything from looking at porn to sending an ex a birthday text has had the “micro-cheating” slapped on it. If I were the conspiracy-minded type myself, if I were more of a Matt Walsh, I might see this sustained effort to make “micro-cheating” happen as a nefarious plot to undermine monogamous relationships.

Anyway, while everyone was talking about polyamory this week, a memo went out — in the form of an Instagram post — from Dr. Manahil Riaz, a sometimes couples counselor based in Texas: “21 examples of micro-cheating.”

As a public service, I’m going to share Dr. Riaz’s list one-by-one and clarify what does and doesn’t count as cheating. I do this not to promote polyamory (because my work there is done), but to strengthen monogamy (because you people need all the help you can get).

1. Secretly messaging someone: Not cheating. I mean, what if your spouse is secretly messaging your best friend about the surprise birthday party they’re hosting for your 40th? Sending furtive messages while your spouse is in the room is never a good idea, as doing so can arouse the kind of suspicions that might tempt an otherwise reasonable person to start snooping.

But “secret messaging” is a broad and meaningless category and declaring it a form of cheating is an invitation to insecure, controlling, and abusive people to terrorize their partners over innoc-

36 January 24-30, 2024 | metrotimes.com

uous text messages. And for the record: people in relationships — even monogamously married ones — are allowed to their own friends, a little privacy, stupid private jokes they share with those friends, etc.

2. Meeting with someone without you knowing: Not cheating. What if your husband is meeting up with your best friend to plan your surprise 40th birthday party? Or what if your current wife is meeting up with her ex-husband to discuss co-parenting and you have a history of melting down when they meet and so your wife decided to spare you the anxiety (and herself the stress) by not telling you about this meeting right away or at all? Yes, cheaters do meet up with affair partners without their partners knowing — that is definitely a thing that happens when people cheat — but like the previous example, no distinction is made between legit DL meetings and illicit DL meetings.

3. Complaining about you to another person: Not cheating! Also, what the actual fuck? According to Dr. Riaz’s website, she does couples counseling. Listening to people complain about their partners is literally her job.

And I’m sorry, but if people weren’t allowed to complain about their spouses to friends, coworkers, and couple’s counselors, the murder rate would skyrocket. (Here’s hoping Mrs. Matt Walsh has someone she can complain to about Mr. Matt Walsh.)

4. Sharing knowing looks behind your back: Not cheating. Shooting someone a knowing look — pulling a Jim or a Pam — is how married people let third parties know 1. we’re aware our spouse is being unreasonable or ridiculous and 2. we will address it with them later. While a knowing look sometimes says, “We’re totally having an affair and

HA HA HA my husband is an IDIOT!”, more often than not a knowing looks says, “I know he’s being an asshole right now and I’m sorry about that.” (I expect Mrs. Matt Walsh uses the latter look a dozen or more times a day, and I hoping she gets to use the former at least once in her life.)

5. Saying things like, “If I weren’t in a relationship…”: Not cheating. Monogamous married people use this expression or one its many variations (“If I were single…” “If I were younger…”) to let someone know they’re unavailable.

It’s a rejection wrapped in a compliment that may or may not be sincere, but it’s a rejection just the same.

6. Maintaining contact with exes: Not cheating. Kids aren’t the only reason people sometimes remain in touch with their exes. Some people stay in touch with their exes because — and I hope you’re sitting down, Dr. Riaz — they actually like their exes. It’s not a bad sign when your partner is on friendly terms with an ex, it’s a good sign. People whose exes all hate them and want nothing to do with them are almost always awful; people who are too insecure to let their spouses remain in cordial contact with their exes are always assholes — and Dr. Riaz is essentially running interference for assholes by including this on her list.

7. Flirtatious joking: Not cheating.

People in monogamous relationships sometimes wanna feel wanted — they wanna feel like they’ve still got it — and swapping a few flirtatious jokes with an attractive stranger or coworker or chatbot can meet that important need.

8. Creating a dating profile: OK, this one I’m willing to grant. But sometimes married people get on dating apps because they wanna feel wanted by someone else and they don’t actually plan on meeting up with anyone else,

even if they are putting themselves in a position where they may be sorely tempted. If you find your spouse on a dating app, go for a walk around the block, listen to the “Piña Colada Song” on Spotify at least five times, then head home to discuss it.

9. Trying to impress someone you have a crush on: Not cheating. Monogamously married people want the people they would fuck if they could fuck them — they people they would fuck if they were single and/or ethically non-monogamous — to think they’re cool. Everyone wants the people they think are hot to think they’re impressive. It’s a natural human impulse and, really, how are you supposed to correct for this? Go out of your way to be disappointing asshole at all times? We all can’t be Matt Walsh.

10. Sending someone photos of themselves to someone else: Not even grandma?

11. Discussing intimate desires with someone else: Not cheating.

Women talk to their girlfriends about their intimate desires and men talk to their buddies about their intimate desires and monogamously partnered people get on Reddit to brag or bullshit about their intimate desires. Feeling isolated in your relationship — being told you’re not allowed to talk to complain to anyone else about your relationship or discuss your intimate desires, fears, whatever — is one sign you may be in an abusive relationship.

This is terrible advice.

14. They follow inappropriate accounts on Instagram: Not cheating.

Also, who gets to decide what’s inappropriate?

15. Giving their number to a stranger: Not cheating — sure, it could signal intent to cheat and/or lead to the kind of late-night sexting that results in cheating. But it could just signal intent to swap Wordle scores or memes.

16. Stalking a crush online: Stalking is a crime — no one should stalk anyone — but a monogamously married person following someone they think is hot on Instagram is stalking.

They’re looking. And as monogamously married people who got caught looking were fond of saying before this microcheating bullshit came along, “Hey, I’m married, not dead!”

17. Paying special attention to a particular person: Not cheating. Monogamously married people shouldn’t pay “special attention” to other people with their genitals. But the problem with this standard is the same as so many others on this list: It can easily be

weaponized by abusive or controlling partners. Because who gets to decide what “special attention” means?

18. Always commenting on and liking a different person’s pictures: Not cheating. I comment on and like my sister’s pictures all the time and I do not want to have an affair with my sister. If policing your spouse’s likes and comments makes you unhappy, maybe don’t police your partner’s likes and comments.

19. Hoping to make someone notice you in a romantic way: Not cheating. Hoping to be noticed ≠ intent to cheat; being noticed ≠ having cheated. Again, married people — even monogamously married people — are married, not dead.

20. Asking someone personal or inappropriate questions: Not cheating. And, again, isn’t this what a couple’s counselor does for a living?

21. Turning to someone else to get emotional needs met the relationship is in a rocky patch: NOT CHEATING JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. If you can’t meet your spouse’s emotional needs for whatever reason — like you’re in a rocky patch — your spouse’s emotional needs don’t just disappear.

I’m personally grateful to the people who were there for my husband and provided him with emotional support, i.e., met his emotional needs, when I couldn’t during some rocky patches of our long marriage.

Thank you for your patience, WTF, here some advice for you from one of our specialists: You got dumped — which I think you know — and I’m very sorry about that. Getting dumped sucks, I realize, but most people get over it and you’ll probably get over it, too. And he was either lying about loving you when he broke up with you, which was cruel and disqualifying (you don’t want to date a guy like that), or he was telling the truth about loving you and broke up with you anyway, which was crazy and disqualifying (you don’t want to date a mess like that).

P.S. I tweaked Dr. Riaz’s list for clarity. The original post — and Dr. Riaz’s defense of her list — can be found here.

LINK: https://www.instagram.com/p/ C2OVZzIsyVf/?img_index=1 P.P.S. The shitty-couples-counselorto-divorce-court pipeline is real and it’s a bigger threat to the nuclear family — to all those monogamously married straight couples out there with kids — than a million features on polyamory ever could be. Maybe Matt Walsh should blow up about that instead.

metrotimes.com | January 24-30, 2024 37

CULTURE Free Will Astrology

By Rob Brezsny ARIES: March 21 – April 19 Aries author Dani Shapiro has published six novels, three bestselling memoirs, and a host of articles in major magazines. She co-founded a writer’s conference, teaches at top universities, and does a regular podcast.

We can conclude she is successful.

Here’s her secret: She feels that summoning courage is more important than being confident. Taking bold action to accomplish what you want is more crucial than cultivating self-assurance. I propose that in the coming weeks, you apply her principles to your own ambitions.

TAURUS: April 20 – May 20 Throughout history, there has never been a culture without religious, mythical, and supernatural beliefs.

The vast majority of the world’s people have believed in magic and divinity.

Does that mean it’s all true and real?

Of course not. But nor does it mean

that none of it is true and real.

Ultra-rationalists who dismiss the spiritual life are possessed by hubris.

Everything I’ve said here is prelude to my oracle for you: Some of the events in the next three weeks will be the result of magic and divinity. Your homework is to discern which are and which aren’t.

GEMINI: May 21 – June 20 Several wise people have assured me that the pursuit of wealth, power, popularity, and happiness isn’t as important as the quest for meaningfulness. If you feel your life story is interesting, rich, and full of purpose, you are successful. This will be a featured theme for you in the coming months, Gemini. If you have ever fantasized about your destiny resembling an ancient myth, a revered fairy tale, a thousand-page novel, or an epic film, you will get your wish.

CANCER: June 21 – July 22 “Life as we live it is unaccompanied by signposts,” wrote author Holly Hickler. I disagree with her assessment, especially in regard to your upcoming future. Although you may not encounter literal markers bearing information to guide you, you will encounter metaphorical signals that are clear and strong. Be alert for them, Cancerian. They might not match your expectations about what signposts should be, though. So expand your concepts of how they might appear.

Well the coolers are back up running at full throttle just in time for the dog days of winter, if that’s even a thing?? Plenty of available seating. Yes we will have “The Game” on. Cheers!

HAPPY HOUR MON-FRI

3-6PM

LEO: July 23 – August 22 I wrote a book called Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. Among its main messages: There’s high value in cultivating an attitude that actively looks for the best in life and regards problems as potential opportunities. When I was working on the book, no one needed to hear this advice more than me! Even now, I still have a long way to go before mastering the outlook I call “crafty optimism.” I am still subject to dark thoughts and worried feelings — even though I know the majority of them are irrational or not based on the truth of what’s happening. In other words, I am earnestly trying to learn the very themes I have been called to teach. What’s the equivalent in your life, Leo? Now is an excellent time to upgrade your skill at expressing abilities and understandings you wish everyone had.

38 January 24-30, 2024 | metrotimes.com

VIRGO: August 23 – Sept. 22 In 1951, filmmaker Akira Kurosawa made a movie adapted from The Idiot, a novel by his favorite author Fyodor Dostoevsky. Kurosawa was not yet as famous and influential as we would later become. That’s why he agreed to his studio’s demand to cut 99 minutes from his original 265-minute version. But this turned out to be a bad idea. Viewers of the film had a hard time understanding the chopped-up story. Most of the critics’ reviews were negative. I bring this to your attention, Virgo, with two intentions: 1. I encourage you to do minor editing on your labor of love. 2 But don’t agree to anything like the extensive revisions that Kurosawa did.

LIBRA: Sept. 23 – Oct. 22 I have selected a poem for you to tape on your refrigerator door for the next eight weeks. It’s by 13th-century Zen poet Wu–Men. He wrote: “Ten thousand flowers in spring, the moon in autumn, / a cool breeze in summer, snow in winter. / If your mind isn’t clouded by unnecessary things, this is the best season of your life.” My wish for you, Libra — which is also my prediction for you — is that you will have extra power to empty your mind of unnecessary things. More than ever, you will be acutely content to focus on the few essentials that appeal to your wild heart and tender soul.

SCORPIO: Oct. 23 – Nov. 21: Psychologist Carl Jung wrote, “Motherlove is one of the most moving and unforgettable memories of our lives, the mysterious root of all growth and change; the love that means homecoming, shelter, and the long silence from which everything begins and in which everything ends.” To place yourself in rapt alignment with current cosmic rhythms, Scorpio, you will do whatever’s necessary to get a strong dose of the blessing Jung described. If your own mother isn’t available or is insufficient for this profound immersion, find other maternal sources. Borrow a wise woman elder or immerse yourself in Goddess worship. Be intensely intent on basking in a nurturing glow that welcomes you and loves you exactly as you are — and makes you feel deeply at home in the world.

SAGITTARIUS: Nov. 22 – Dec. 21 In a set of famous experiments, physiologist Ivan Pavlov taught dogs to have an automatic response to a particular stimulus. He rang a bell while providing the dogs with food they loved. After a while, the dogs began salivating with hunger simply when they heard the bell, even though no food was offered. Ever since, “Pavlov’s dogs”

has been a phrase that refers to the ease with which animals’ instinctual natures can be conditioned. I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if Pavlov had used cats instead of dogs for his research. Would felines have submitted to such scientific shenanigans? I doubt it. These ruminations are my way of urging you to be more like a cat than a dog in the coming weeks.

Resist efforts to train you, tame you, or manipulate you into compliance.

CAPRICORN: Dec. 22 – Jan. 19 Before poet Louise Glück published her first book, Firstborn, it was rejected by 28 publishers. When it finally emerged, she suffered from writer’s block. Her next book didn’t appear until eight years after the first one. Her third book arrived five years later, and her fourth required another five years. Slow going! But here’s the happy ending: By the time she died at age 80, she had published 21 books and won the Pulitzer Prize and the Nobel Prize for Literature. By my astrological reckoning, you are now at a phase, in your own development, comparable to the time after Glück’s fourth book: well-primed, fully geared up, and ready to make robust progress.

AQUARIUS: Jan. 20 – Feb. 18 “All good writing is swimming under water and holding your breath,” wrote author F. Scott Fitzgerald. I’d like to expand that metaphor and apply it to you, Aquarius. I propose that your best thinking and decision-making in the coming weeks will be like swimming under water while holding your breath.

What I mean is that you’ll get the best results by doing what feels unnatural.

You will get yourself in the right mood if you bravely go down below the surface and into the depths and feel your way around.

PISCES: Feb.19 – March 20 In honor of this pivotal time in your life story, I offer four pronouncements. 1. You can now be released from a history that has repeated itself too often. To expedite this happy shift, indulge in a big cry and laugh about how boring that repeated history has become. 2. You can finish paying off your karmic debt to someone you hurt.

How? Change yourself to ensure you won’t ever act that way again. 3. You can better forgive those who wounded you if you forgive yourself for being vulnerable to them. 4. Every time you divest yourself of an illusion, you will clearly see how others’ illusions have been affecting you.

Homework: Release yourself from the pressure to live up to expectations you don’t like.

RENTAL

SERVICES

SERVICES

DUPLEX FOR RENT

MASSAGE

WANTED

RELAXING NURU MASSAGE

MEN’S SPORT WATCHES WANTED

2 bdrm, N end Detroit 1 mile from New Ctr Newly Remodeled $1100 month plus security No pets (313) 330-3931

EMPLOYMENT Engineering Manager Civil Engineering (Detroit, MI) Manage repair & rehabilitation of wastewater pipes & inspection & condition assessment of the pipes; Manhole rehabilitation; Modify dsgns & test new dsgn; Conduct On-site technical & Quality Inspections; Dvlp & Implmt safety standard procedure. Supv 4 to 6 engineers or technicians.

Reqmts: M.S. in Civil Engg & 48 months of exp w/ wastewater treatment. Use of one or more of AutoCAD, 3D Max Design & Primavera P6.

Send Resume: HR/ LGC Global Inc, 7301 Woodward Ave, Ste 500, Detroit, MI 48202.

EMPLOYMENT Structural Engineer: Dvlp, engr., & doc struct’l dsgns from concept thru Construction Admin; dsgn. for gravity, lateral sys.of structures, integration w/ arch., other engr’s; dsgns, docs & specs for building code compliance; create 3D structural analysis using RAM, RISA, SAP, ETABS, SAFE; prep contract docs using Autodesk REVIT; resource plans, tasks, quality control; proj. dsgn. scheds. using PM principals; use engr’g. s/ware incl. RAM SS, Elements, Concept, RISA, ETABS. Travel to in-State sites (approx. one day per wk). Req. MS Civil or Structural Eng’g, w/courses in: Matrix mthds, FEA, Plastic Analysis, PM mthds. Foreign equiv. deg. acceptable.

Mult openings in Detroit, MI. Employer: Resurget Engineering. Qualified candidates fwd resume to: steven@resurget-engineering. com or at https://www. resurget-engineering.com/

SERVICES MEDICAL

DIAGNOSED WITH LUNG CANCER?

You may qualify for a substantial cash award even with smoking history.

NO obligation!

We’ve recovered millions.

Let us help!! Call 24/7, 1-888-376-0595

for the quarantine must not be sick. Must be clean and wear mask. Outcalls only incalls are at your cost Hey I’m here to help.

This is Candy melt in your mouth so try my massages they’re sweet as can be!!!

(734) 596-1376

CABLE

Advertiser is looking to buy men’s sport watches. Rolex, Breitling, Omega, Patek Philippe, Here, Daytona, GMT, Submariner and Speedmaster. The Advertiser pays cash for qualified watches.

Call 888-320-1052.

DISH TV $64.99

INTERNET

For 190 Channels + $14.95 High Speed Internet. Free Installation, Smart HD DVR Included, Free Voice Remote.

Some restrictions apply.

Promo Expires 1/21/24.

Call 1-866-566-1815

HOME IMPROVEMENT

GUTTER GUARDS AND REPLACEMENT GUTTERS INBOUND Never clean your gutters again! Affordable, professionally installed gutter guards protect your gutters and home from debris and leaves forever!

For a FREE Quote call: 844-499-0277.

AUTOMOTIVE

SPECTRUM INTERNET AS LOW AS $29.99 Call to see if you qualify for ACP and free internet.

No Credit Check. Call Now! 833-955-0905.

ADULT ADULT ENTERTAINMENT

HIRING SEXY WOMEN!!!

Hiring sexy women (& men). Highly Paid Magazine, Web, and Movie/TV work. no experience needed, all sizes accepted.

313-289-2008.

CARS FOR KIDS DONATIONS DONATE YOUR VEHICLE to fund the search for missing children.

FAST FREE PICKUP. 24 hour response.

Running or not.

Maximum Tax Deduction and No Emission Test Required!

Call 24/7: 877-266-0681.

INTERNET

SPECTRUM INTERNET AS LOW AS $29.99 Call to see if you qualify for ACP and free internet.

No Credit Check. Call Now! 833-955-0905.

MEDICAL

VIAGRA & CIALIS ALTERNATIVE PILLS $99/50 Pills Promo Bundle. Bundled network of Viagra, Cialis and Levitra alternative products for a 50 pill for $99 promotion.

Call 888-531-1192.

metrotimes.com | January 24-30, 2024 39