NEWS & VIEWS
Feedback
We received a number of comments in response to Steve Neavling’s Aug. 21 article on metrotimes.com, “Legal red flags raised by Trump campaign events at police stations in Michigan.” See the news section in this week’s issue for more.
Thanks for your article questioning the legality of Trump and Vance appearing in Michigan police stations. When I saw the first pictures, I wondered how taxpayer-paid facilities can be turned into political stages. Well, you answered my question. Legally, they can’t. I hope your article generates some pushback. Keep up the good work!
—Bill Morris, email
As a retired Ohio Command level Police Officer with 26 years of service I am ashamed to see law enforcement officers standing with Donald Trump. A president who sent his mob to beat Police Officers with American flags and attempt to stop a legal election does not deserve the respect of American Law Enforcement. He has neither apologized nor taken responsibility for his actions. We should be standing with the Capital Police Officers not with Donald Trump. If Trump was in “business” in your or any other community I don’t believe any Law Enforcement Officer would want to be associated with him and would probably be opening an investigation into his activities.
—John C. Digel, email
NEWS & VIEWS
Michigan Bureau of Elections to investigate Trump campaign events following complaints
The Michigan Bureau of Elections is reviewing complaints that allege the Livingston County Sheriff’s Office violated the law when it hosted a nationally televised campaign event for Donald Trump on Tuesday, Aug. 20.
The complaints were filed the following Thursday, one day after Metro Times published a story on metrotimes.com raising concerns about the event. The Michigan Campaign Finance Act makes it a crime punishable by up to 93 days in jail to use any public resources to support a political candidate.
Once the bureau receives a complaint, its staff investigates to determine whether a law was broken.
The sheriff’s office billed the event as a “press conference,” but Trump’s appearance was far more than that. At the Livingston County Sheriff’s Office in Howell, Trump spoke in front of two banners each that read “Make America Safe Again” and “Michigan is Trump Country,” and delivered a speech from a podium emblazoned with his campaign logo. Three sheriff SUVs served as a backdrop to the scene.
Top sheriff officials were also in attendance during their regular shifts.
The event forced the closure of multiple courts, as well as the offices of the prosecutor, magistrate, parole officers, and the probation department.
A day before the event, Sheriff Michael
Murphy claimed in a video that it was not a political event, despite the looming campaign signs.
“Let me make a couple of things clear: One, this is not a political event. This is a press conference,” Murphy said.
On the social media platform X, people were not convinced.
“Mike Murphy just gave a convicted felon a FREE CAMPAIGN RALLY on the taxpayers dime!” @DeniseO6229 wr0te. “Not a great look there, Mikey.”
Another X user pointed out that the event featured more of Trump delivering a speech then fielding questions from the media.
“Where were all the questions from the press Sheriff?” @jer_here_now responded. “You shut down a government building for Trump to do his meandering political stump ramble. You are supposed to be a servant not a shill for Donny boy!”
On the department’s Facebook page, where the video was also posted, residents questioned why the sheriff would host a political event.
“I am saddened to see Livingston County Sherriff’s Department participating in such a partisan political theatrical event,” Juan Swan posted. “I moved here over 20yrs ago from the South to get away from a blatantly bigoted and racist political system, including law enforcement. And it sickens me to see this still happen-
“She’s a fake,” Vance said. “And the American people have to look at her record if we actually want to know how she stands on the issues because her words simply can’t be trusted.”
Macomb County Prosecutor Peter Lucido, a Trump-supporting Republican, also spoke at the event.
It’s unclear how this was anything but a campaign event.
Shelby Township resident Melissa Arab, who filed the complaint, says it’s unnerving that a police department would use taxpayer resources to support a political candidate.
“It’s very intimidating to see the police officers lined up behind Trump and Vance,” Arab tells Metro Times. “It’s very scary.”
Arab says she hopes state officials take action to prevent future abuses of public resources.
“I feel like we can get the attention on it, and if they can spank these police departments right now or put someone in jail for 93 days, it will stop in the rest of the state and country,” she says. “You can’t have him doing this across the country.”
Neither the police department nor township officials returned calls from Metro Times for comment.
ing in 2024. I am ashamed of this town’s leadership. Hosting convicted criminals and calling it a lecture on crime is an affront to the civil service you are sworn to provide.”
The Livingston County event wasn’t the first time the Trump campaign used the public resources of a police department in Michigan this month. On Aug. 7, Trump’s running mate JD Vance made a campaign stop at the Shelby Township Police Department, where he blasted Democratic presidential candidate Kamala Harris as a “chameleon” whose words “can’t be trusted.”
Jim Tignanelli, president of the Police Officers Association of Michigan, also spoke at the event and criticized Harris, saying he spoke for “a majority” of cops. He announced his support for the Trump campaign.
The Michigan Bureau of Elections is also investigating a complaint that alleges the Shelby Township Police Department violated state law by hosting the Vance event.
The complaint was filed Friday, two days after Metro Times raised questions about the legality of the recent Trump campaign events.
Vance delivered a campaign speech outside the Shelby Township Police Department, with cops nodding in agreement as he attacked Harris.
Standing behind Vance at the event was Shelby Township Police Chief Robert Shelide, who called George Floyd activists “barbarians,” “wild savages,” and “vicious subhumans” who belong in “body bags” on the social media platform formerly known as Twitter in 2020.
In October 2020, anti-police brutality activists were charged with misdemeanors and felonies in Shelby Township for peacefully marching on the street. Police in riot gear rushed, assaulted, and arrested the protesters.
Five protesters were originally jailed and charged with felony counts of assaulting, resisting, and obstructing a police officer. A handful of other protesters were charged with misdemeanors.
Shelby Township is in western Macomb County, which has a long and ugly history of racism. In 1972, prosegregation demagogue George Wallace won the presidential primary election in Macomb County. Macomb County is also home to the so-called “Reagan Democrats” who overwhelmingly supported Ronald Reagan.
Shelby Township, with a population of 80,600, is 90% white and voted for Trump in the 2016 presidential election by a two-to-one margin. Trump didn’t perform as well in 2020, but still picked up 61.6% of the votes.
Unlike a lot of Macomb County, the township is relatively affluent, with a $74,400 median household income, compared to $55,000 in Michigan.
—Steve Neavling
Ex-President Donald Trump at a campaign event at the Livingston County Sheriff’s Office.
AP PHOTO/EVAN VUCCI
Families and exonerees rally against former Detroit detective accused of misconduct
Protesters gathered outside the Wayne County Prosecutor’s Office last Wednesday, calling for an independent and extensive review of all cases handled by a former Detroit detective accused of putting innocent Black men behind bars for two decades.
Demonstrators also urged Prosecutor Kym Worthy to file charges against retired Detective Barbara Simon for allegedly committing perjury and unlawfully detaining suspects and witnesses while working in the homicide division in the 1990s and early 2000s.
The protest was prompted by a twopart Metro Times series that showed how Simon confined young suspects and witnesses to small rooms at police headquarters for hours without a warrant. She also elicited false confessions and witness statements that were later recanted.
Four men have been exonerated so far, and a fifth was released before his murder trial because DNA evidence cleared him.
“We want Barbara Simon locked up,” said Mark Craighead, who was exonerated after spending seven years in prison for a murder he didn’t commit. “She repeatedly committed perjury, illegally detained suspects without warrants, and threatened witnesses.”
Craighead falsely confessed to fatally shooting his friend in June 1997 after police detained him without a warrant and refused to let him call an attorney. After spending a night in a rodent-infested jail cell, Craighead was worn down and signed a confession written by Simon, who was
Black-owned Sports Rap Radio in Detroit pulls plug
Less than 90 days after its launch, Detroit-based Sports Rap Radio, touted as the nation’s first sports-talk radio station completely owned by and featuring African American talent, has come to an end — for now.
Rob Parker, a well-known sports radio host with roots in Detroit, launched Sports Rap Radio in early June, with the goal of adding Black voices at a time when local sports radio is dominated by white hosts. But the station, which was leased for two years from Audacy, ran out of funding just before the college and professional football seasons started, Parker tells Metro Times
“I’m very disappointed, and I really be-
known as “the closer” because of her ability to secure convictions.
Protesters chanted, “Free the innocent,” and “No justice, no peace,” while marching outside the new Wayne County Criminal Justice Center in Detroit. They held signs that read, “Kym Worthy is unworthy of your vote,” and, “We want independent investigations.”
They’re urging Worthy to meet with them.
After the protest, Worthy told Metro Times in a statement that she is working on a potential solution.
“I have been working on a monetary way to address this situation,” Worthy said. “I will know more after my budget hearing on September 5th. I should be able to discuss this in more detail after the hearing.”
Among those marching were relatives of Black men still in prison after Simon handled their cases.
Latonya Crump’s brother Damon Smith has been behind bars since Simon interrogated him in 1999 for a murder he insists he didn’t commit. He said Simon was belligerent and threatening and told him he’d be charged with pulling the trigger if he didn’t admit his involvement.
He maintained his innocence, and as a result, he said, he was accused of pulling the trigger. After Smith’s trial, where he was found guilty, Smith’s brother Patrick Roberts, who was a prosecution witness, later recanted in a letter, saying Smith was not involved in the shooting.
“It’s very frustrating to know that he’s locked up for something he didn’t do,”
Crump said. “I want a proper investigation. It’s important that everyone who was improperly convicted get a new trial.”
Lamarr Monson, who spent 20 years in prison for a murder he didn’t commit, blames Simon for bungling his investigation in 1996. Like Craighead, Monson had no criminal record, was interrogated for hours by Simon, and was denied access to a phone and a lawyer, according to court records. He was convicted of murder based on a false confession that was later contradicted by evidence that should have been presented at his trial.
Monson, who was exonerated in 2017, said he owes it to the innocent people still in prison to continue fighting for their release.
“This is what humanity is about,” Monson said. “Everyone should be fighting for the innocent people in prison. Barbara Simon set up young Black men to go to jail, and she needs to be held accountable.”
Detroit Police Commissioner Willie Burton said he supports an extensive investigation.
“This tragic case shows why we need effective oversight in Detroit,” Burton said. “We cannot afford to have even one citizen’s rights violated and wrongfully spend even an hour in jail. I will continue to fight
on the Detroit Board of Police Commissioners to ensure we eliminate the backlog of citizen complaint reviews and hold the department accountable.”
Also among the protesters was former Detroit Police Commissioner Reginald Crawford, who used a megaphone to call on Worthy to meet with demonstrators.
“Kym Worthy, come down and talk to us,” Crawford said. “Let’s have a conversation. You are stealing the lives of the unlawfully incarcerated.”
Worthy’s office has a Conviction Integrity Unit (CIU), which is tasked with freeing innocent people from prison, but the unit hasn’t worked on cases related to Simon, despite her troubling history.
“This exposes the Conviction Integrity Unit for not having integrity if they are not holding people like Barbara Simon accountable,” Crawford said.
Craighead and other protesters said they don’t plan to stop rallying until a full investigation of Simon’s cases is completed.
“If we don’t speak out, wrongfully convicted people are going to spend the rest of their lives in prison,” Craighead said. “I get calls all the time from people who say they are innocent and in prison because of Barbara Simon.”
—Steve Neavling
lieved in the idea and concept and wanted this to work and be the blueprint starting in Detroit,” Parker says. “And we just didn’t get our second round of funding, which put us in peril. And it wasn’t a lack of support or advertising. It wasn’t any of that. We had advertising, and we had support. But funding is so huge, and it just didn’t happen for us.”
Sports Rap Radio went off the air earlier this week.
But Parker isn’t giving up on his vision.
“While this didn’t fully work the first time around, this format will be viable and will be a part of the radio landscape sooner rather than later,” Parker says. “I still believe in it, and I know that it’s doable.”
Parker says he’s proud of what they started.
“The one thing that can’t be taken away from Sports Rap Radio is, we were the first all Black-owned, all-Black sports talk radio station in the country, and I will always be
proud of that,” he says. “They can’t take that from us. We did it.”
Parker co-owned the station with his longtime friend Dave Kenney and two notable names familiar to Detroit sports fans: B.J. Armstrong, a Brother Rice alum and three-time NBA champion who hosted the station’s midday shift, and Maurice “Moe” Ways, a former Detroit Country Day standout and University of Michigan wide receiver who credits Parker as a mentor since high school.
Sports Rap Radio featured such shows as The Pitbulls, What Up Doe Morning Show, and The Bad Boys
Despite Parker’s New York roots and prominent national media presence as co-host of The Odd Couple on Fox Sports Radio and work for ESPN, FS1, and other outlets, he has strong ties to the Motor City. Parker made history as the first Black sports columnist at The Detroit Free Press, worked at The Detroit News, Channels 4
and 7, and in 1994 became the first on-air voice for then-sports WDFN-AM. Parker also founded the Sporty Cutz barber shop on West Seven Mile Road.
In May, Parker told Metro Times that Sports Rap Radio was his new passion.
“I’ve had this idea for a while,” he said at the time. “It’s important to the city and the culture. Four years ago, the sports station in town had NO Black hosts in a city that’s 80% Black. That had to change.” (And it has, with the addition of Rico Beard on 97.1 FM, The Ticket.)
The station ended about a year after 910AM Superstation, a predominately Black talk radio station, pulled the plug on its format. The white millionaire owner switched the format to conservative talk radio.
In one of the biggest Black-majority cities in the U.S., radio continues to be dominated by white voices.
—Steve Neavling
Protesters call for an investigation of cases by retired Detroit Detective Barbara Simon. STEVE NEAVLING
Despite the DNC’s best efforts to ignore Gaza, the Uncommitted Movement isn’t going anywhere
In a Dearborn cafe, weeks before the Democratic National Convention in Chicago last month, Abbas Alawieh tells Metro Times, “We never want to go back to the version of progressive politics where we’re allowed to be progressive on everything except for Palestine.”
Alawieh, who’s the co-founder of the antiwar Uncommitted National Movement, is reflecting an increasingly mainstream position, one that the movement hoped would soon build to a crescendo loud enough to force party leaders to listen. There were reasons to be hopeful. Polls show that over 80% of Democrats and 50% of Republicans want a permanent ceasefire in Gaza. The problem, as with a long list of progressive causes, is not a gap between activist voices and Democratic Party voters, but between Democratic Party elites and everyone else. Throughout the convention, where party insiders gathered to nominate Vice President Kamala Harris, pro-Palestine voices refused to let the party run from its disastrous role in arming and funding Israel’s genocidal assault.
And they used every tool within reach. While the Uncommitted Movement’s delegates were working to persuade other delegates on the convention floor and making their case repeatedly in the press and on panels, others took to the
street in the thousands to echo what the party’s base has been demanding from its leaders for months: a hugely popular ceasefire and weapons embargo on the country committing genocide. “Not another bomb” was the simple and morally indisputable cry.
Georgia State Representative Ruwa Romman, the first Palestinian American elected to public office there, summarized the movement’s core mission at a sit-in outside the convention: “The only reason we are here is to ensure that Donald Trump will never make it to the White House, and save the lives of the people we love.” Put another way: Democrats’ unconditional support for Israel’s wildly unpopular annihilation campaign risks driving away enough voters to cost them the election.
The right targets, the right time
From the beginning, “We were saying [Democrats] have an electoral problem,” Alawieh tells Metro Times
“We don’t have the luxury to see what happens with Donald Trump,” he says. No one knows this better than the pro-Palestine movement. In remarks to donors, Trump has promised to “set that movement back 25 or 30 years” by throwing “[student protesters] out of the country.”
For that reason and countless others, “I want to be like, ‘OK great, let’s finally pivot to beating Trump,’” Alawieh adds. “But I really need to hear VP Harris differentiate her Gaza policy in some way from Joe Biden’s,” which “has inflicted levels of pain that were previously unimaginable.”
There are obvious political reasons for the Harris campaign to do this.
More than 730,000 voters were furious enough at Biden’s policy that they chose “uncommitted” over him in presidential primaries around the country, including 13% of the vote in Michigan. This allowed the Uncommitted Movement to send 30 delegates to the Chicago convention.
On top of that, recent polling shows that not only is a ceasefire spectacularly popular, but that significant shares of voters in key swing states like Georgia, Arizona, and Pennsylvania would be more likely to vote for a Democrat who supports an arms embargo to Israel and a permanent ceasefire.
But besides some unconvincing tough talk to the media, and a few empathetic words from Harris, the Biden administration hasn’t moved an inch to stop the killing. Just the opposite: Biden has approved billions in new weapons sales. And in a statement posted to X, Harris’s national security adviser, Phil Gordon, cleared up any confusion on where her administra-
tion will stand if elected: “[Harris] does not support an arms embargo on Israel. She will continue to work to protect civilians in Gaza and to uphold international humanitarian law.”
This is a cowardly way of saying “We’ll continue to do nothing to stop the bloodbath,” since the only way to “protect civilians” is to stop sending the bombs that are falling on their heads. In a press conference featuring doctors who’ve been to Gaza recently, Dr. Tammy Abughnaim gave the perspective from the ground:
“When we press the Biden admin for an arms embargo as physicians, what we are saying is we cannot do our jobs as bombs are falling,” she said, adding, “as Israeli snipers target children and civilians … Israel has made our jobs impossible … with the direct support of the U.S.”
Which brings us to the convention. The party’s whole job, after all, is winning elections. And all of the people responsible for that were in Chicago, along with the people who have the power to stop the slaughter in Gaza — making it the perfect place to inject concerns about the U.S. role in the carnage.
Making the party practice what it preaches
“This is a movement from within the Democratic Party that is urging the party
Outside the Democratic National Convention in Chicago, activists protested Israel’s U.S.-backed attack on Gaza.
SHUTTERSTOCK
to practice what it preaches,” Alawieh said at a morning press conference on the convention’s first day.
The Harris campaign and the DNC have cast this election as a choice between Harris — a champion of democracy, freedom, and the rule of law — and Trump, whose core belief is that the world should be run by lawless corporations with unlimited freedom to exploit ordinary people for their own personal gain.
In order for that argument to really stick, the Uncommitted Movement argues, powerful Democrats should start by respecting freedom and the rule of law themselves. Unlike right now, as the Biden administration flagrantly violates U.S. and international laws that ban sending weapons to human rights violaters like Israel, a country that’s blocked humanitarian aid from reaching a starving population, gunned down sheltering civilians in cold blood, and is currently running a network of torture camps where rape and abuse are tolerated and encouraged.
The way for Democrats to live up to their self-image as the party of “protecting families” and “ensuring safety for everyone,” Alawieh says, is by supporting Palestinian freedom.
A convention Fannie Lou Hamer would recognize
“We aren’t that different from any other movement,” Layla Elabed, the Uncommitted Movement’s other co-founder, said on a panel. “From unions to civil rights, gay marriage, reproductive rights or climate justice — we are fighting to be recognized. We are fighting for this party to believe in our equal rights.”
When party officials rejected grassroots pleas that a Palestinian American be given a five-minute speaking slot at the DNC, the Uncommitted National Movement turned to a tactic pioneered by antiwar and civil rights leaders at past conventions: civil disobedience in the form of an overnight sit-in.
One of several names submitted as a possible speaker was Georgia State Representative Ruwa Romman. Part of her drafted remarks read:
“They’ll say this is how it’s always been, that nothing can change. But remember Fannie Lou Hamer — shunned for her courage, yet she paved the way for an integrated Democratic Party. Her legacy lives on, and it’s her example we follow.”
You would think Democrats would be falling over themselves to show how much things have changed since 1964, when civil rights giant Hamer and the Mississippi Freedom Democratic Party had to disrupt the convention theatrics to plead for an end to the party’s support for apartheid in the U.S. South. Or since
1968, when anti-Vietnam war protesters did the same to draw attention to Democrats’ role in an avoidable war of unspeakable horrors. Instead, both groups would recognize the 2024 party’s willingness to shut out dissident voices as a clear echo of the past. Here they are again, sponsoring a war of unspeakable horrors carried out by an apartheid state where ethnic supremacy is enshrined in the constitution — and at the same time, doing everything they can to discipline and silence voices of conscience from their own base crying out for an end to genocide.
Whatever happens in November, the party blew an open lay-up of an opportunity to do the right and politically popular thing at the same time.
This makes it difficult to find a moral victory anywhere in the convention. In isolation, there just wasn’t much there for the horrified and furious voters who favor an immediate ceasefire. By the end of it, Vice President Harris was pledging to “ensure that America always has the strongest, most lethal fighting force in the world” and that “Israel has the ability to defend itself” to roaring applause. By ensuring Israel can “defend itself,” politicians mean sending the types of offensive weapons that are currently pounding Gazan society to dust and annihilating civilians by the thousands. To her credit, Harris also recognized the Palestinian people’s right to “dignity, security, freedom and self-determination,” though without any mention that as Israel’s main economic, military, and diplomatic sponsor, the U.S. is the primary obstacle to securing those rights.
But the Uncommitted Movement, and the wider movement for Palestinian freedom, has succeeded in one important respect. Palestinian freedom is now a mainstream position with wide support among labor unions like the UAW and progressive and faith organizations around the country, despite facing massive blowback from the party’s elite.
“Most Democrats and most people in our country are with us,” Alawieh said in a statement following the convention. “We’re not going anywhere. This is our Democratic Party … This is the beginning of an American majority for Palestine. We’ll be continuing to push Biden and Harris for an arms embargo and uniting our party to save lives and defeat Trump and his destructive agenda.”
Back at that Dearborn cafe, Alawieh tells Metro Times, “This movement that we started here in Michigan, in Dearborn, in Detroit. Our movement is a courageous one. And I’m really proud of the fact that we’ve stayed disciplined about the need to not take our eye off the suffering.” Fannie Lou Hamer would recognize this tradition as well.
—Eli Day
NEWS & VIEWS
Lapointe
Hansen Field ‘kids’ to salute Gene Kelty
By Joe Lapointe
When playground director Gene Kelty umpired softball games at Hansen Field in the 1960s, he left no doubt about the location of a good pitch.
“Stee-RIKE!” he’d call in a voice that carried across the street on Drexel and off the brick walls of St. Martin of Tours church, school, convent, and rectory in Detroit’s southeast corner.
“Stee-RIKE!!” Kelty’s voice kept echoing off all those brick houses bordering the playground on Piper, Avondale, and Averhill Court in the Jefferson-Chalmers neighborhood.
“Stee-RIKE!!!” Kelty would shout, all summer long, from noon until the street lights came on, his voice probably carrying over to St. Philip Neri and to St. Ambrose and, perhaps, to Guyton, the big public school nearby.
To Baby Boomers from those big families who spent their summer days at Hansen Field, Kelty’s voice sounded like authority, good judgment, and maturity, like that of Coach Gil Thorp in the comic strip or — maybe, sometimes — what was then called a Dutch Uncle.
Along with calling balls and strikes, Kelty also taught impressionable kids what was fair and foul in life. Now 89, Kelty will be saluted at noon on Saturday (Sept. 7) at Memorial Park in St. Clair Shores at the St. Martin Neighborhood
Reunion Picnic. I’m proud to serve as an unpaid volunteer on the committee.
“As much fun as you kids had, I had more,” Kelty said recently when interviewed in his Washington Township condo. “I don’t remember a kid I didn’t like. Even the ones that were a pain in the ass.”
Kelty still looks physically fit, although he uses a walker. “Good genes,” he said, no pun intended. His hair is silver and wispy, his memory sharp, his voice strong. On the wall above his chair was a framed picture of his wife, Peggy (Grieshaber), who died last year after 64 years of marriage.
She was the girl next door when they lived on Dickerson. On their first date, they carried sweets to the St. Martin bake sale and Kelty talked her into walking all the way up to Jeff for a sundae at Sanders.
“Four kids, nine grandchildren, six great-grandchildren, and three on the way,” Kelty said. “I’ve been blessed.”
Many Hansen kids felt the same way about Kelty, who still calls Hansen “St. Martin’s” (while Hansen Field is now known as “Hansen Park”). One of them was Mary Essian Youngblood from the class of 1970, the last group to graduate from what was also called “St. Martin on the Lake.”
Among the best athletes to spring from the soil of Hansen Field in the Kelty era were Jim Essian (Mary Youngblood’s brother), who had a long career in Major League Baseball; Ralph Simpson, who played in the National Basketball Association; and Phil Riggio, who played basketball at Eastern Michigan University.
Riggio’s brother, Donnie, starred in football at Western Michigan University. Essian will be among the guest speakers at Saturday’s event. Kelty recalled Essian playing basketball with older kids and scraping the skin off his arms by diving on the paved court for loose balls.
Kelty said he would wash the wounds, treat them with ointment and bandages, and send Essian out for more bumps and bruises. Coaches like Bill Fitzgerald, who ran a first-rate St. Martin’s basketball program and later ran for governor, would seek out Kelty’s advice about prospective athletes.
“I knew everybody and who did everything,” Kelty said. “And I knew what they liked to do.”
Although he nurtured athletes, Kelty never ignored those less competitive. Even kids from around Guyton and St. Ambrose found their way to Kelty’s turf. One was Dave Saad, St. Martin class of 1966, who grew up on Philip.
“I just always loved that guy,” Youngblood said of Kelty in a telephone interview. “You just knew he had your back. He was so kind, like a mentor, like a safety net in tumultuous times. One of those male figures who made you feel safe.” Youngblood also remembered Kelty’s demanding side.
“He would expect things from you,” she said. “Play fair. Play by the rules. Be inclusive.”
Kelty graduated from St. Martin in 1953 and did student teaching there while earning a 1958 degree in special education from the University of Detroit.
Aside from summers at Hansen, Kelty spent 41 years with Detroit Public Schools, including eight at Guyton. He also taught at Hutchinson and Stephens and served as the sports director at Cannon Recreation for almost three decades.
He said his mentor was Bill Keenan of St. Martin, who also taught school and ran the playgrounds at both Guyton and Hansen. “Bill Keenan was the best guy,” Kelty recalled. “He was phenomenal.”
Among his fondest memories, he said, was his travel softball team called the “Hansen All Stars,” who’d play anybody anywhere. There is no false modesty to his recollection. “No one wanted to play us,” Kelty said. “We were so darn good. St. Martin’s kids were tough.”
“Gene made everybody feel good about themselves,” Saad said over lunch. “He remembered your name. Gene never talked down to you because you were a kid.”
In the ensuing years, some of the old kids have told Kelty they might have gone to prison without his guidance. Others have told him he was more of a father to them than their own dads.
Paul Agosta, who grew up on Marlborough, said in an email:
“Gene was the surrogate father to several hundred children . . . From arts and crafts to softball, Gene managed the activities, kept the peace and provided a wonderful experience.” Agosta also called Kelty “a mentor who never seemed to age.”
Riggio (1966), who chairs the reunion committee, will present a plaque of thanks to Kelty from the kids now all over the age of 65. Riggio tutored Simpson in basketball and the Riggio family lived in a house at Piper and Avondale across from Hansen’s leftfield fence.
Consequently, Hansen kids bombarded that home all summer with home runs. Riggio recalled how his mother didn’t really like softballs, but she liked Kelty and gave him back the ones from her yard.
“Nobody commanded more respect than Gene Kelty,” Riggio remembered. “He was our buddy. He came into our lives and touched us forever. Every one of us.”
Gene Kelty with a picture of his wife Peggy, who died last year after 64 years of marriage
JOE LAPOINTE
UNCHARTED Detroit Lions 2024-25 Season Preview
By Jim McFarlin And Jimmy Doom
Detroit Lions defensive end Isaac Ukwu (45) in a festive mood.
JOE ROBBINS/ASSOCIATED PRESS
TERRITORY
Detroit disciples and Detroit Lions fanatics both old and new: how should we be feeling this week? Are we insulted, or inspired? Justified… or terrified?
This Sunday night our Lions begin defense of their first-ever NFC North title with a nationally televised game at Ford Field, a 2023 playoff rematch against the Los Angeles Rams led by former Detroit quarterback-heroturned-mortal-enemy Matthew Stafford (NBC Sunday Night Football, 8:20 p.m., WDIV/Channel 4). Our team’s stated mission is to return to the NFC Championship game for the second year in a row, win it this time, and go on to the Super Bowl, thus ending its franchise embarrassment as the only NFC team never to make it to the Big Game.
However, check out almost any sportsbook or gambling app you like (not that we’re advocating gambling, you understand), and you’ll find the back-to-back Super Bowl champion Kansas City Chiefs and the San Francisco 49ers are the odds-on favorites to win Super Bowl LIX next February in New Orleans. Our Lions — the golden boys of pro football in 2023 who came within one horrific, wish-it-was-forgettable second half of making the Super Bowl last year — are mentioned… but so are the other 29 teams.
Why, Aretha would be outraged! No R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Another Detroit diss.
But then again, wait! That might mean the pressure and focus are off. Maybe our Lions can sneak up on some teams, like they did last season!
But then again… no. Behold the current “Football Preview 2024” issue of Sports Illustrated. Not only is the timeless national sports publication picking our Motor City Kitties to win it all this season, it plastered Honolulu Blue and Silver all across the cover of its AugustSeptember double issue.
“DRIVE TO REVIVE,” the headline explodes, above a photo of quarterback Jared Goff, wide receiver Amon-
Ra St. Brown, and offensive lineman
Penei Sewell chillin’ around and inside a classic white Ford Fairlane 500 Skyliner with retractable hardtop, owned by Lions season ticket holder Ryan Talaga. The convertible was built in 1957… the last year the Lions won an NFL championship.
“The Resurgent Lions,” the cover continues. “Right Team. Right Town. Right Time.” Yeah, right. SI is more famous for its swimsuit editions than its pigskin prognostications, and there’s a reason: its pick of the 2004 New England Patriots was the last time the magazine got it right. Add to that the longstanding belief that appearing on the magazine’s cover can be a jinx (and whether you believe in jinxes or not, some of the coincidences with SI’s cover personalities are far more tragic than a mere football season), this could be ample cause for wringing of hands and grinding of teeth. Oh, grit! Have we been cursed before the season even starts?
Highly doubtful, for this is a new era in Lions Land. This franchise sucked for so long you could be forgiven for believing they were owned by the Hoover family, not the Fords. Even if you are part of the “sportsball is stupid” social media tribe, all Detroiters were at least anecdotally aware of the Lions’ reputation as the laughingstock of the NFL.
Admit it: you cared. Some cared more deeply than others, having been attached to the team during a Matt Millen era so disastrous that the cheerleaders should have been on the FEMA payroll.
That is, until the Fords went rogue in 2021, hired their former tight end Dan Campbell with no head coaching experience, paired him with former Rams scouting director Brad Holmes (named Lions executive vice president and general manager), and let them do the right thing.
It took the pair two years to redesign and build the product, but their 2023 Crew Honolulu blew the doors
off the league, igniting the oftensodden hopes of their longsuffering, facepainted faithful and galvanizing formerly disinterested Motown masses even more than the glory days of Hall of Fame running back Barry Sanders in the 1990s.
Holmes was named the Pro Football Writers Association Executive of the Year in ’23, and the fruits of his and Campbell’s labors were reflected at the box office. “The 2023 season was the first time, according to our ticketing folks, that our season tickets had ever sold out and we went into a waitlist scenario at Ford Field,” says Lions Corporate Communications Manager Ellen Trudell.
Season tickets for 2024 sold out in the blink of a cat’s eye as well, and fans now on the waitlist for 2025 were given first crack at standing room only tickets this season as part of their deposit. Which means… even the SRO tickets were virtually gone before the preseason began. “I have been with the Lions since 2012, and I’m fairly certain that’s the first time that has happened at Ford Field,” Trudell marvels.
And the benefits of a stadium jam packed with roaring, leather-lunged zealots was patently obvious during the last preseason contest against the Pittsburgh Steelers. The decibel level inside Ford Field frequently exceeded that of a jet engine, forcing the Steelers offense into several critical mistakes.
“Our fans, this was crazy,” Campbell said after the game. “I told our players before we came out, ‘Do you understand this is the best environment you’re going to find in a preseason game, for sure? And we’re not even into the regular season yet, guys.’
“So, you talk about home field advantage, you can only imagine what this is going to be like on Sunday night. This is the best, our fans are the best. We just got to keep doing our job, keep winning, and give them something to cheer about. Because they’re going to
do their part.” In that regard the regular season schedule sets up favorably for the Lions, with three of its first four games and four of its last six at home.
As you might guess, bars and restaurants surrounding Ford Field will be competing for an all-out fan invasion unlike any they’ve seen before. For example, Erik Olson of Thomas Magee’s Sporting House Whiskey Bar in Eastern Market says they are throwing a pre- and postgame patio party Sunday with onetime Pistons DJ Legendary J. Hearns providing the music on the wheels of steel, the Eat at Bert’s BBQ truck for food, and a boxing team from Belfast, Northern Ireland as their guests at the game. No chance of a fight breaking out in that section.
The Lions racked up some truly impressive statistics last season: top five in the NFL in virtually every offensive category (points scored, rushing yards, passing yards, red zone efficiency) behind QB Goff while averaging 27 points per game; boasting a rookie, Sam LaPorta, who led all tight ends in scoring, and racking up the most touchdowns in franchise history. That Michigan man, defensive edge rusher Aidan Hutchinson, made the Pro Bowl in just his second year, recording the most sacks (11½) of any Lion in history through two seasons.
They also boasted the No. 2 rushing defense in the NFL, but their defensive secondary was, to put it politely, not quite as good. That’s why Campbell and Holmes focused on pass defense during downtown Detroit’s hugely successful NFL Draft this spring, selecting cornerbacks with the team’s top two picks: Terrion Arnold from the University of Alabama and Ennis Rakestraw, Jr., from the University of Missouri.
Arnold looked impressive in the preseason opener against the New York Giants, and an improved defensive line should aid the secondary as a whole. But as Lions TV Network analyst and former Detroit wide receiver Golden
Tate noted during a recent telecast, “What I worry about is that they haven’t played together much. And at the cornerback position you’re going to be thrown different types of formations, and you have to be able to communicate right away.”
There is some fan concern about the wide receiver position, worry that wasn’t eased when the team released former Cass Tech and University of Michigan standout Donovan PeoplesJones during training camp. There was hope he could help fill the void left when receiver Josh Reynolds departed in free agency, but there is certainly no room for sentimentality in the No Foolin’ League. The new hope is that St. Brown, Jameson Williams, Kalif Raymond and rookie Isaiah Williams can grab their share of balls going forward.
All in all, the Lions head into the 2024 season with hopes that are higher than Willie Nelson’s road crew. This is territory they have not prowled before, as the hunted rather than the hunter. Can they claim the Big Trophy next February in the Big Easy? Only time, injuries, and the bounce of the oblong
ball can tell.
Feeding into the hype, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer listed a Lions Super Bowl win at No. 6 on her list of 53 Birthday wishes. From your lips to the football gods’ ears, Big Gretch.
As Ford Field fans realized last season (or should have), the excellence at home games wasn’t only coming from the team. In March, the NFL announced that the Lions’ gameday experience was ranked No. 1 among all 32 teams in the league, earning the second-highest grade in the history of the league’s “Voice of the Fan” polling system.
With fan expectations this year higher than a Jack Fox punt, how do you make the best even better?
“We do think it’s harder, and I think that’s a good thing,” says Emily Griffin, the Lions senior vice president, marketing, and brand. “To be a compulsive improver, and relentlessly dissatisfied. Efforts by so many members of my team, meticulous attention to detail that at times might have seemed even overboard, but the sum of its parts
turned into a really beautiful thing. The product our fans saw and got to experience, particularly during the postseason, was years in the making.”
Griffin’s marketing team, which unveiled three new Lions uniform combinations during the NFL Draft, swells to well over 100 during the season, including the Lions cheerleaders, team mascot Roary, the Honolulu Boom drumline, and support personnel. She’s not prone to give away details (we know, because we asked), but Griffin teases, “We are revamping a little bit of our pregame show. Showtime is 20-25 minutes before kickoff, and we really want to make sure that it’s enticing for fans to get to the stadium early to be in their seats. We want a full stadium when the kickoff takes place, because that’s when we need our fans. If we’re going on defense first, that’s when it’s time to bring it.
“At its core, our mission is to create the greatest home field advantage possible for our football team, and to give the fans an experience they cannot get at home. We have a lot of exciting things planned for the season, and we’re very excited to get it underway.”
This franchise carried around an acronym — SOL, for “Same Old Lions” — for so long, it began to sound like a Motown chorus. And since this is a music publication at its core, Metro Times asked a few media observers to put these Lions into musical terms.
“This team, man, you know who they’re like?” asked modern-day Lions Pro Bowl legend and current radio color analyst Lomas Brown, eyeing the team coming off the practice field after one recent Allen Park workout. “Earth, Wind and Fire. They’re a mixture. They bring everything.”
“The team reminds me of Creedence Clearwater Revival,” offers Will Burchfield, sportswriter for 97.1 The Ticket. “They were a deliverance for the city. They’ve got a point to prove. They’re gonna make the Super Bowl.”
“They remind me of the Bob Seger classic ‘Like a Rock,’” veteran Detroit News scribe and sports-talk radio lightning rod Bob Wojnowski observes with a wink, knowing he’s invoking the former commercial theme song of Ford rival Chevrolet. “They’re a meat and potatoes team.”
Season tickets for Detroit Lions games at Ford Field sold out in the blink of an eye.
SHUTTERSTOCK
DETROIT LIONS 2024 GAME-BY-GAME PREDICTIONS
It’s an annual rite that’s seldom right, but since so many football “experts” do it every season, why shouldn’t we rank amateurs give it a shot? Jimmy Mack’s predictions on top, Jimmy Doom’s below. Based upon what we know now, and assuming Goff survives the entire season:
Game One: LA Rams (Sept. 8)
Mack: If Sunday Night Football, the return of neo-enemy Matthew Stafford, a rematch of last year’s Wild Card playoff round, and an SRO crowd making more noise than an erupting volcano can’t motivate this team in its home opener, it’s gonna be a looong season.
Lions, 42-24 (1-0)
Doom: L.A. wins it on a 66-yard field goal as time expires. Stafford is gracious in the post game interviews, opting not to call out his legion of latter-day haters in SE Michigan.
Los Angeles, 38-35 (0-1)
Game Two: Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Sept. 15)
Mack: Two rematches in a row! This one a sequel of last season’s NFC divisional round won by the Lions 31-23. The Bucs lost a number of key starters from that team, and it may take them more than one game to swashbuckle again. Aarrgh! Lions, 31-23 (why not? 2-0)
Doom: Lions take out their aggressions from the Game One loss. Offense and Defense split the TDs at two apiece.
Lions, 28-10 (1-1)
Game Three: at Arizona Cardinals (Sept. 22)
Mack: An ideal team for the Lions to begin their road schedule. The Cardinals are rebuilding more often than we used to, and coming off back-to-back 4-13 seasons the construction may be far from complete.
Lions, 41-14 (3-0)
Doom: Not sure why McFarlin keeps giving Lions final scores that represent probable field goals. Everybody knows DC goes for it on every 4th down.
Lions, 42-12 (2-1)
Week 4: Seattle Seahawks (MNF, Sept. 30)
Mack: Remember when you couldn’t see the Lions on Any Night Football? But we’re the darlings of the league in ’24, and this first of two Monday Night games pits the Lions against arguably their toughest opponent thus far. We’ll want to put our best paws forward, but the Seahawks have beaten us six straight times, handed us our first loss in ’23, and there’s no reason to believe the curse won’t continue.
Seahawks, 34-24 (3-1)
Doom: Seattle finishes with QB Sam Howell under center. It won’t be pretty.
Lions, 28-10 (3-1)
Week 5: BYE Doom: 39,000 people post “Lions won’t lose this week” on social media, but the joke doesn’t land anymore.
Week 6: at Dallas Cowboys (Oct. 13)
Mack: The Lions will be smarting after their first loss of the season, and with an extra week to prepare and Dan Campbell growling them on, expect cameras to catch Jerry Jones cursing throughout the game.
Lions, 24-21 (4-1)
Doom: Detroit edges it out and solidifies its title as the true “America’s Team.”
Lions, 28 -26 (4-1)
Week 7: at Minnesota Vikings (Oct. 20)
Mack: This should be the most fascinating game of the season so far. Our NFC North division rivals have made wholesale changes at quarterback, running back, and edge rusher, among other positions. But they’re still the Vikes, and we’re playing them on the road after their bye week. They find a way to nip us at the end.
Vikings, 28-27 (4-2)
Doom: Lions by an extra point. Vikes QB Sam Darnold is traded to Saskatchewan after the game.
Lions, 21-20 (5-1)
Week 8: Tennessee Titans (Oct. 27)
Mack: The Titans aren’t anywhere near as scary without running back Derrick Henry, and this was about the time of the season last year when the Lions busted out a statement win to avenge a close loss. We’ve never beaten the Titans since they moved from Houston. Until now.
Lions, 38-21 (5-2)
Doom: Lions caught looking ahead to the Pack next week, and the two-point conversion fails.
Titans, 21-20 (5-2)
Week 9: at Green Bay Packers (Nov. 3)
Mack: Good news: the Lions’ first outdoor game of the season is being played at Lambeau Field in early November, so Green Bay shouldn’t have their freezing c-c-cold home advantage. Bad news: this Packers team is young, talented, cocky, playing at home after a road game and before their bye week, and won’t forget we’ve beaten them in Lambeau the last two times out. Revenge ain’t sweet.
Packers, 28-17 (5-3)
Doom: With a 60 mile-an-hour wind at new Lions’ new kicker Jake Bates’ back, the Lions attempt their first field goal of the season and win it.
24 September 4-10, 2024 | metrotimes.com
Lions, 24-21 (6-2)
Week 10: at Houston Texans (Nov. 10)
Mack: Tough call here. Will the glow of the national spotlight on Sunday Night Football be enough to overcome the weariness of a fourth road game in five weeks? Or will the Lions be taking the limelight for granted by midseason? We may not be favored in this one, but remember who you are, men: it’s Detroit vs. Everybody.
Lions, 24-17 (6-3)
Doom: Hutch sends that Buckeye QB C.J. Stroud to the showers. Backup Case Keenum should have preceded him: he’s pathetic.
Lions, 27-20 (7-2)
Week 11: Jacksonville Jaguars (Nov. 17)
Mack: The Jags have a lot to prove to themselves and their fans after losing five of their last six games last season. This was about the time when Jacksonville’s losing streak started, and the Ford Field leatherlungs aren’t likely to let them forget it.
Lions, 31-13 (7-3)
Doom: This is the game where Lions fans try to StubHub their tickets for financial reasons. Only problem is, the Jags have no fans there to take them.
Lions 28-21 (8-2)
Week 12: at Indianapolis Colts (Nov. 24)
Mack: Road trip, anybody? Indy had one of the lousiest defenses in the NFL last season, and while it might have improved marginally this year, the Lions air and ground games should light up the scoreboard — as long as the defense can keep mobile QB Anthony Richardson in check.
Lions, 38-24 (8-3)
Doom: Mobile QBs give the Lions more headaches than road construction detours with more road construction.
Colts, 35-34 (8-3)
Week 13: Chicago Bears (Nov. 28)Mack: It is a hallowed, yet horrendous Detroit Thanksgiving Day tradition: no matter how good the Lions are, they will find a way to lose and ruin your family’s turkey dinner. The much-improved Bears can’t wait to lay some hard knocks on us and keep the streak alive, especially as QB Caleb Williams makes his Detroit debut. Chicago, 28-14 (8-4)
Doom: Our defense ain’t losing to a rookie QB if it was a Tuesday morning game.
Lions, 28-14 (9-3)
Week 14: Green Bay Packers (Dec. 5)
Mack: Remember what I said about revenge ain’t sweet? Check that: the Lions have a way of bouncing back from nause-
ating Turkey Day performances and taking it out on their next opponent. With this Thursday Night Football showcase giving them a full week between games, they’ll be excited to pay back the Pack for handing them an “L” at Lambeau. Lions, 28-21 (9-4)
Doom: Pack by a point. Yeah, I hate me for this pick too, but it’s the Packers and it seems like a split is inevitable.
Packers, 28-27 (9-4)
Week 15: Buffalo Bills (Dec. 15)
Mack: Playing QB Josh Allen in Ford Field will be an advantage, but the Bills promise to give the Lions all they can handle, and then some. If we win, it’ll be by a wing(s) and a prayer.
Lions, 31-30 (10-4)
Doom: Noise in Ford Field? So what. Josh Allen goes for over 100 on the ground and Christen Harper’s hub (AKA Jared Goff) can’t match up in the end. Bills, 34-28 (9-5)
Week 16: at Chicago Bears (Dec. 22)
Mack: The schedule gods let us avoid Green Bay in December, but no such luck with the wind howling off Lake Michigan into Soldier Field. The Bears boost their evolving confidence by making it a clean season sweep against Detroit. Chicago, 21-14 (10-5)
Doom: So It’s cold, so what? So are the Lions to their divisional foes.
Lions, 20-7 (10-5)
Week 17: at San Francisco 49ers (Dec. 30)
Mack: From the frigid field of Chicago to the golden gridiron of Levi’s Stadium, with an extra day to prepare. Our second Monday Night Football appearance of the season will be viewed nationally as a barometer of the relative strengths of these two Super Bowl contenders that faced off in last season’s NFC Championship. No horrendous second half this time.Lions, 33-28 (11-5)
Doom: Lions give up fewer points, but it’s Bay-ja-vu all over again.
Niners, 27-26 (10-6)
Week 18: Minnesota Vikings (TBD)
Mack: Doesn’t it seem like the NFL schedulers always send the Vikings to Ford Field for the last game of the regular season just to screw with us? They did it last year, and we beat ‘em by 10. We will again.
Lions, 31-21 (12-5)
Doom: Purple-braided Vikings fans regret the snowy trip down from the Twin Cities.
Lions, 28-9 (11-6)
They agree: 12-5 or 11-6 easily takes the division.
WHAT’S GOING ON
Select events happening in metro Detroit this week. Be sure to check venue website before events for latest information. Add your event to our online calendar: metrotimes.com/ AddEvent.
MUSIC
Wednesday, Sept. 4
Live/Concert
After 7, Ready for the World 7:30 p.m.; The Aretha Franklin Amphitheatre, 2600 E. Atwater St., Detroit; $15-$60.
Aretha’s Jazz Jam 7-10 p.m.; Aretha’s Jazz Cafe, 350 Madison St., Detroit; no cover.
Green Day, The Smashing Pumpkins, Rancid, The Linda Lindas 5:30 p.m.; Comerica Park, 2100 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $59-$199. Matt Lorusso Trio & Special Guests 8-11 p.m.; Northern Lights Lounge, 660 W. Baltimore St., Detroit; no cover.
MC Homeless, DJ Halo, Coolzey, Mark Cooper 7 p.m.; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $13. Thunderstruck (AC/DC tribute) 7 p.m.; District 142, 142 Maple St., Wyandotte; $18.
Thursday, Sept. 5
Live/Concert
Gable Price and Friends, Coastal Club 7 p.m.; Magic Bag, 22920 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $20-$75. Oceano, To The Grave, VCTMS, Half Me, Gravebloom 6 pm; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $20.
Simulakra, Headbussa, Worst Doubt, Escalation of Force, Look of Fear 6 p.m.; Edgemen, 19757 15 Mile Rd., Clinton Twp; $15 advance, $20 day of show.
Karaoke
DARE-U-OKE 9 p.m.-midnight; Northern Lights Lounge, 660 W. Baltimore St., Detroit; no cover.
Drag Queen Karaoke 8 p.m.-2 a.m.; Woodward Avenue Brewers, 22646 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; no cover.
Karaoke at Detroit Shipping with DJ MO WILL 6-9 p.m.; Detroit Shipping Company, 474 Peterboro St., Detroit; no cover
Friday, Sept. 6
Live/Concert
1964 the Tribute (The Beatles
tribute: 60th anniversary celebration of the Beatles’ debut in Detroit) 8 p.m.; Max M. Fisher Music Center, 3711 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $29. Candlelight: Classic Rock on Strings 6-7:15 p.m.; The Detroit Masonic Temple, 500 Temple Street, Detroit; $29.
Del McCoury Band 8 p.m.; Flagstar Strand Theatre for the Performing Arts, 12 N. Saginaw St., Pontiac; $25-$60.
Eaglemania (Eagles tribute) 7 p.m.; District 142, 142 Maple St., Wyandotte; $20-$35.
KPOP Breakout Tour 2024: Trendz, Craxy, Ichillin’, U-Chae 7 p.m.; Pike Room, 1 S. Saginaw, Pontiac; $20-$250.
Paxton Spangler Band, DJ Michael Ross 9 p.m.; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak; no cover.
Smells Like Nirvana (Nirvana tribute), Dead Original 7 p.m.; Magic Bag, 22920 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $20.
Starset 6:30 p.m.; The Fillmore, 2115 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $28-$58.
DJ/Dance
Devault, Slimey, Andy Arcade Sep. 6, 9 pm; Garden Bowl, 4120 Woodward, Detroit; $7.50-$20.
Sweatember: A Pop Dance Party
Fundraiser Sep. 6; Planet Ant Theatre, 2320 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $10-$20.
Saturday, Sept. 7
Live/Concert
Boondoggle In The Backyard: Caveman and Bam Bam, Brenda, Dark Red, Bad Fowl, The Hourlies, and more noon-2 a.m.; The Old Miami, 3930 Cass Ave., Detroit; $5.
Candlelight: Tribute to ABBA 6:30 p.m.; Christ Church-Detroit, 960 E. Jefferson, Detroit; $45-$68.
Candlelight: Tribute to Pink Floyd 8:45 p.m.; Christ Church-Detroit, 960 E. Jefferson, Detroit; $45-$68.
Jake Banfield 8 p.m.; Tin Roof, 47 E. Adams Ave., Detroit; no cover KALEO, Chance Peña 7 p.m.; The Fillmore, 2115 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $33-$67.50.
Sad Park, Yungatita, Escape Plan 6 p.m.; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $20.
Strange Beautiful Music 17: My Brightest Diamond, New Music
September 4-10, 2024 | metrotimes.com
Detroit, Ahya Simone, Onyx Ashanti, Balance Duo, Hub New Music, Dominant Hand 4-11 p.m.; Andy Arts, 3000 Fenkell Ave, Detroit; $15-$30.
The Cult, Culture Wars 8 p.m.; Caesars Palace Windsor - Augustus Ballroom, 377 E. Riverside Dr., Windsor; $33-$78.
The Suicide Machines, HEYSMITH, Kill Lincoln, Bad Operation 6:30 p.m.; Saint Andrew’s Hall, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; $28. DJ/Dance
The Emo Night Tour 8 p.m.; District 142, 142 Maple St., Wyandotte; $18. Karaoke
Live Band Karaoke with Eastside Still Alive, DJ E.M. Allen Sep. 7, 9 p.m.; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak; no cover.
Sunday, Sept. 8
Live/Concert
Dead By April, Of Virtue 7 p.m.; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $20.
KK’s Priest, Accept 6:45 p.m.; District 142, 142 Maple St., Wyandotte; $35-$55.
Naturally 7 5 p.m.; Magic Bag, 22920 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $45.
Sierra Ferrell, Meredith Axelrod 7 p.m.; Royal Oak Music Theatre, 318 W. Fourth St., Royal Oak; $32.50-$75.
Monday, Sept. 9
Live/Concert
Alain Johannes, Sammy Boller 7 p.m.; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $17.
Tom Jones Ages & Stages Tour 8 p.m.; Caesars Palace Windsor - Augustus Ballroom, 377 E. Riverside Dr., Windsor; $43-$128.
DJ/Dance
Adult Skate Night 8:30-11 p.m.; Lexus Velodrome, 601 Mack Ave., Detroit; $5.
Tuesday, Sept. 10
Live/Concert
Andy Grammer 7 p.m.; Cathedral Theatre at the Masonic Temple, 500 Temple St., Detroit; $49-$300.
Global Sunsets, Blackman & Arnold Trio 7-10 p.m.; Northern Lights Lounge, 660 W. Baltimore St., Detroit; no cover.
Kehlani, FLO, Anycia 7:30 p.m.; Michigan Lottery Amphitheatre at
Freedom Hill, 14900 Metropolitan Pkwy., Sterling Heights; $34.50-$124.50.
Mortiis, Brighter Death Now, Sombre Arcane, Malfet, Elyvilon 7 p.m.; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $22.
Peter Hook & the Light 7 p.m.; Royal Oak Music Theatre, 318 W. Fourth St., Royal Oak; $32.50-$75.
Robert Delong, Atlas Genius 7 pm; The Shelter, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; $20.
Russian Circles, Djunah 7 p.m.; Magic Bag, 22920 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $25.
Yung Gravy, Carter Vail 7 p.m.; The Fillmore, 2115 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $37.50-$67.50.
DJ/Dance
B.Y.O.R Bring Your Own Records Night 9 p.m.-midnight; The Old Miami, 3930 Cass Ave., Detroit; no cover.
Open Mic
Open Mic: Art in a Fly Space 7-10 pm; Detroit Shipping Company, 474 Peterboro St., Detroit; no cover.
THEATER
Performance
Hilberry Gateway - STUDIO BRED Hip Hop Theatre Fest: Detroit’s first hip-hop theatre festival. The festival will debut 5 new one-act plays, all devised in the 16 days prior to the festival. During “16 Bars,” playwrights from Detroit and around the country will collaborate with designers and actors to create works inspired by narrative songs in the hip-hop/ rap canon. Donation; Saturday, Sept. 7, noon-10 p.m.
Musical
Birmingham Village Players
Memphis the Musical A thrilling tale of forbidden love, and the power of music set in the racially charged 1950s. In a city divided by prejudice, one man dares to challenge the status quo. Experience the passion, energy, and unforgettable songs that tell the story of forbidden love and the birth of rock ’n’ roll. This production contains racially charged content and language, as well as scenes of physical abuse. Viewer discretion is advised. Birmingham Village Players and Ameritax Plus of Berkley, our Red Carpet Sponsor of the Year, are proud to present Memphis the Musical, September 6-22. $30; Fridays, Saturdays, 8-10 p.m. and Sundays, 2-4 p.m.
COMEDY
Improv
Go Comedy! Improv Theater Pandemonia The Allstar Showdown; $20; 8 p.m. and 10 p.m.
Mark Ridley’s Comedy Castle
Kyle Kinane; $35; Thursday, Sept. 5, 7:309 p.m.; Friday, Sept. 6, 7:15-8:45 & 9:4511:15 p.m.; and Saturday, Sept. 7, 7-8:30 & 9:30-11 p.m.
Stand-up
Blind Pig Blind Pig Comedy FREE Mondays, 8 p.m.
Detroit Shipping Company 313 Comedy Show Your host to Live Comedy in The D. This show features rotating lineups of some of the best comedians in the country and globally. No cover; Sundays, 7-8:30 p.m. Open mic
Mark Ridley’s Comedy Castle Open Mike Night; $5; Wednesday, Sept. 4, 7:30-9 p.m.
The Independent Comedy Club at Planet Ant The Sh*t Show Open Mic; $5 suggested donation; Fridays, Saturdays, 11 p.m.-1:30 a.m.
ARTS
Artist talk
Woodward Lecture Series: LaKela Brown, ’05 Fine Arts, In partnership with Museum of Contemporary Art Detroit LaKela Brown (b. 1982) is from Detroit, Michigan, where she attended Detroit Public Schools and graduated from College for Creative Studies in 2005. Brown has participated in solo and group exhibitions globally, including at Reyes | Finn, Detroit; 56 Henry, NY; Swiss Institute (SI), NY; WE BUY GOLD, NY; Museum of Contemporary African Diasporan Arts (MoCADA), NY; and Lars Friedrich Gallery, Berlin, and has presented a solo installation of her work at Rockefeller Center in partnership with Art Production Fund and at The Armory Show in 2023 with 56 Henry. Tuesday, Sept. 10, 6-7:30 p.m; College for Creative Studies, 201 E. Kirby St., Detroit; no cover. Art Exhibition
1001 Woodward Avenue Constructing Futures. Curators Karl Daubmann, dean of the College of Architecture and Design at Lawrence Technological University, and Sara Codarin, assistant professor of Architecture at Lawrence Technological University are placing a strong focus on robotics, additive manufacturing, computational design and AI. They will host lectures, workshops, roundtable discussions and an AI art installation, all to pose the question: What
will the future of construction look like in Detroit? No cover, Sept. 5-28.
College for Creative Studies Nest Exhibition: A Reflection of Safe Spaces. In partnership with Detroit Artist Market, Nest: A Reflection of Safe Spaces delves into the profound human need for sanctuary — places where one feels nurtured, loved, accepted, and shielded from harm. Drawing inspiration from the protective instincts of mother birds who diligently build nests to safeguard their eggs and fledglings from predators and the elements, the artists in Nest explore and unveil the places, relationships, and symbols that embody their own safe spaces. Opening Reception: Friday September 6, 5-7 p.m. This exhibition is produced in partnership with Detroit Artists Market. Free parking is available the evening of the reception at the CCS Brush Street lot, on Brush. No cover, Friday Sepr. 6, 11 a.m.-5 p.m.
Continuing This Week Art Exhibition
Cranbrook Art Museum Constellations & Affinities: Selections from the Cranbrook Collection. No cover with museum admission.
Design Core Offices Design Core’s 14th Annual Detroit Month Of Design. Every September, partners across Detroit — from emerging studios to established companies and educational institutions — come together to show off their latest works and ideas. These cross-disciplinary events take place in all corners of the city, highlighting the talent and innovation that makes Detroit a UNESCO City of Design. The 14th annual Detroit Month of Design, taking place Sept. 1–30, 2024 features over 90 events and immersive design experiences including exhibitions, installations, studio visits, product launches, artist talks, tours, workshops and parties. No cover, through Sept. 30, 12-10 pm.
Plymouth Arts and Recreation Complex (PARC) Windows into PARC. No cover, through Oct. 7.
MISC.
The Token Lounge Liquid Red Kink Ball Detroit. Prepare to be mesmerized by captivating stage shows and thrilling contests that push the boundaries of imagination. Explore our decadent dungeon furniture and play spaces, mingle with seductive vixens and dashing boy toys, encounter playful ponies, encounter latex-clad guests wearing mysterious masks, and indulge in a plethora of tantalizing delights. An unforgettable night where fantasies come to life. Liquid Red Detroit is the largest event of its kind in metro Detroit. $30-$40; Saturday Sept. 7, noon-2 a.m.
Detroit artists invited to represent Stroh’s in art contest
The Old Miami is teaming up with an iconic long-standing local brand to offer Detroit artists a unique opportunity to showcase their talent.
In partnership with Stroh’s, the artsy Cass Corridor dive bar is hosting an art contest as part of its “Boondoggle in the Backyard” event on Saturday, Sept. 7, from 2 p.m. to 2 a.m., which coincides with Dally in the Alley.
The winning artwork will be featured on Stroh’s promotional materials, including 100 limitededition shirts and 200 stickers.
“We always have a party over here and generally something that has to do with art, but this is the first time we’re having an actual contest,” Dena Walker, manager of The Old Miami, says. “We’re trying to get people excited again about Stroh’s.”
Artists 21 years and older are encouraged to create artwork that they feel best represents the spirit of Stroh’s, once the largest brewer in the city and third largest in the country, founded in Detroit in 1850.
The contest is open to twodimensional drawings or paintings on a board, wood, canvas, or paper surface, sized at 16 by 20 inches. Artists can use any medium or combination of media, but the artwork must not include nudity, violence, or political messaging.
Each artist can submit up to two pieces, and must provide an accompanying display easel, with their name and phone number clearly marked on either the art or the easel.
“I’ve been thinking about it for a
couple of years because Stroh’s is a Detroit beer, and Detroit is pretty much an artist city,” Walker says. “I’ve seen PBR, who owns Stroh’s, do a lot of artwork in other cities, and they should be putting money towards that kind of stuff for their brand and to bring a little hype back to something that’s in the city. I think it would be good for Stroh’s and Detroit if they’re working together a little bit.”
With Boondoggle in the Backyard’s $5 entry free, attendees will receive 10 voting tickets to vote for their favorite Stroh’s-inspired art piece. The artist with the most votes will be the winner of the contest.
The event will also feature performances from a lineup of local acts, including DJ Anytime, Color Wheel, Bad Fowl, Suede Brain, Caveman, Dark Red, Brenda, and Hourlies.
Walker hopes that the art contest will become an annual tradition at The Old Miami and grow into a larger project in the coming years, possibly adding the artwork to Stroh’s cans or transforming it into a mural.
Artists interested in participating in the contest can email boondoggleinthebackyard@gmail.com with their full name, date of birth, phone number, email address, and number of pieces they want to submit.
The artwork must be brought to The Old Miami on Thursday, Sept. 5, from 5-8 p.m., or Saturday, Sept. 7, from 10 a.m. to noon.
—Layla McMurtrie
The Old Miami is located at 3930 Cass Ave., Detroit. COURTESY PHOTO
FOOD
Hamtramck’s new taproom champions inclusivity and multiculturalism
With large windows facing the street that display the name “Florian East” in six languages, this new taproom in Hamtramck is welcoming before you even step inside.
The feeling is intentional.
The old building, formerly a warehouse for women’s shoes, has a vibe that is homey and warm, with a hint of historic charm in a modern atmosphere. The vibe is more like a coffee shop than a traditional brewery, which can often feel industrial and transactional.
Located at 9530 Jos. Campau Ave. in Hamtramck, Florian East is the brainchild of five friends, each with diverse cultural backgrounds and experiences who felt strongly that a respect for community and multiculturalism needed to be at the heart of the project.
“This is hopefully a brewery that would not exist anywhere but Hamtramck,” head brewer Will Mundel says. After six years of preparation and planning, Mundel, together with co-owners and business partners Milo Madole, John Abbo, Christopher
Burtley, and Shang Kong, are finally bringing their vision to life.
The grand opening coincides with Hamtramck’s Labor Day Festival, marking what is believed to be the city’s first commercial brewery since Auto City Brewing Company closed in the 1940s.
The journey from purchasing the building in 2019 to opening day has been long, with construction not beginning until earlier this year, made possible by personal investments, grants, and loans.
“We didn’t have just a chunk of money to use,” Madole says. “We each saved, we each invested. We worked our day jobs, we saved some more, we reinvested. It took six years, but I think that really reflects the fact that it was very purposeful.”
The ownership group all worked together at a law firm, besides Mundel, who they later met at Oloman Cafe, a Hamtramck coffee shop just a few blocks away from the taproom.
“The four other of us wanted to do something cool in Hamtramck,” Madole says. “I live here. The rest of us were
ship group, representing Southeast Michigan’s Iraqi American, Chinese American, and African American communities, is dedicated to making everyone feel at home.
“I think that every establishment should reflect quite a bit about the place that it’s in and the people that are going to frequent it,” Burtley says. “Florian East kind of represents us and represents Hamtramck and represents the greater region that it’s around. I think that there’s such a diversity in whether people drink, whether they don’t, whether they like beer, whether they drink alcohol, whether they want to go out with their friends and be a part of a group and still have something to do.”
He adds, “We really recognize the diversity, quite frankly, in our friendship group and what we drink and what we don’t drink. I think we recognize it in the surrounding community of different religions, different backgrounds, different even non-religious attitudes for alcohol, and that was key for us … We wanted to be somewhere that everybody felt comfortable if they chose to walk through the door.”
Florian East plans to host diverse events including celebrations for oftenoverlooked holidays like Chinese New Year and Juneteenth.
In September, Burtley will start with an event aimed at young Black creative professionals.
all spending a bunch of time here, eating here, drinking here. It’s kind of the center of Detroit for that in many ways. When we met Will and Will had this awesome idea for a brewery, it just kind of came together that it was obvious we wanted to do this in Hamtramck.”
Florian East will offer a range of low-ABV beers, including Europeanstyle lagers, hoppy American ales, and British-inspired cask ales. Additionally, the menu will feature draft mocktails and cocktail-inspired alcoholic beverages with unique flavors like hibiscusorange and Yemeni-inspired lemonginger.
On weekend mornings, Florian East will exclusively serve coffee and non-alcoholic beverages while screening Premier League soccer games. The space will also host rotating food pop-ups.
“Our goal is to serve our community in a way that goes beyond transactional hospitality,” Mundel says. “We want everyone to feel welcome here, whether they drink beer or not.”
Aside from its offerings, the owner-
“We thought a lot about how to make this place welcoming for not traditional brewery people,” Burtley says. “We want to be a place where people can celebrate things that they may not expect the breweries to actually care about or know about, or invite people to feel welcome and safe.”
Mundel and Madole say that some business owners they’ve spoken to have expressed fears about opening a brewery in Hamtramck.
“I’ve heard a lot of people say, like, ‘Oh my God. Like, this is so different from everything in Hamtramck, blah, blah, blah,’ and I actually, I kind of want to push back on that, because this space has been here for over 100 years,” Madole says. “There are so many places like this in Hamtramck and sometimes they need a little bit of love just to shine the apple and make it look pretty, but this is an incredibly beautiful city. It’s an incredibly well-built city. It’s been here for 100-plus years. It’ll be here long after we’re gone.”
He adds, “We hope that there’s something in this project for everyone.”
For more updates and information, you can follow @florianeastbeer on Instagram.
—Layla McMurtrie
Bites
Florian East hosted a grand opening during the Hamtramck Labor Day Festival.
GERARD + BELEVENDER
CULTURE
Film
Going Cuckoo: Three dud movies
By Jared Rasic, Last Word Features
Trap
Rated: PG-13
Run-time: 105 minutes
Cuckoo
Rated: R
Run-time: 103 minutes
Borderlands
Rated: PG-13
Run-time: 101 minutes
As someone who has spent a majority of his life writing, acting, rehearsing, and basically doing anything and everything I can to make it into the motion picture industry, I can’t bring myself to be cynical about movies, even while knowing there’s lots of cynicism to spread around.
While it’s easier now to make a movie than ever before (I can name at least two great movies made on iPhones), it’s
still not necessarily a walk in the park to finish one. Every movie that gets made, from the worst of Neal Breen to the best of Francis Ford Coppola, every single finished film is a miracle… some larger than others.
But a triple feature that I saw in one day was stacked with such bad movies that I felt the twinge of cynicism building behind my exhausted eyes. In fact, I was unable to completely sit through the third movie of my makeshift trilogy.
In no way do I think we’re living in the nadir of the motion picture industry right now (that was probably the 1950s… and during COVID), I do sometimes think of how amazing it would have been to live through the New Hollywood/American New Wave era of the late ’60s through the early ’80s and how that would have informed my obsession with cinema.
Even though I don’t think this is the worst period of filmmaking in his -
Actually, the only thing that really works in Trap is Hartnett, who seems to be having a great time playing against type and using his deep well of charisma to make a creepy serial killer compelling. This movie is so bad it’s exhausting and a little depressing.
I followed that up with a screening of Cuckoo, a new science fiction/thriller/ mystery/absurdist comedy starring Hunter Schafer, who effortlessly carries every frame of the film, even as the plot becomes sillier and, eventually, nonsensical. I was hyped for this one because of its great trailer and my love for Schafer and her co-star Dan Stevens.
I found the first half of the film very compelling because director Tilman Singer uses some visually hypnotizing formal tricks that pull you through the absurdist horror of the plot and imagery, but once you actually find out what’s going on and why everyone is acting strangely, it’s so ridiculous that the horror and terror inherent in the film up to that point then becomes campy and loses all sense of fear and tension. I found myself laughing at the film instead of with it and that’s a shame. Cuckoo is absolute nonsense and could have been so much more.
Then I saw Borderlands — a movie that was plagued with so many behindthe-scenes issues that when reshoots started, director Eli Roth wasn’t invited back to actually direct them and was instead replaced by Deadpool director Tim Miller. I’m not a huge fan of Rotten Tomatoes as a source for people to decide on the quality of a movie, but the current score for Borderlands is 7% with an audience score of 50%, both of which seem a little high to me. This might actually be the worst video game movie of all time.
tory, this triple header made me think about maybe, just maybe, not watching all movies.
I started with Trap, the new film by M. Night Shyamalan and starring a recently returned from hiatus Josh Hartnett. Shyamalan is hit and miss (I wasn’t in love with his most recent Knock at the Cabin, but think he probably gets a lifetime pass for The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable). But Trap is his worst outing since at least The Last Airbender. The concept of a serial killer and his tween daughter at a massive arena concert surrounded by cops is solid enough and should have been an edge-of-your-seat thrill ride. Somehow, not only does Shyamalan fail to summon a single second of tension in the entire film, the characters all have ridiculous dialogue. The story becomes more and more ridiculous and the structure falls apart into a messy collage of tropes and cliche.
Cate Blanchett looks like she’s having fun, but Kevin Hart, Ariana Greenblatt, and Jamie Lee Curtis all seem pretty embarrassed. The special effects don’t look finished or even fully rendered, the script is dire, the dialogue grating, and the story is without excitement. I made it 41 minutes into this and then had to bounce and drink away my sorrows.
I know it’s incredibly unprofessional for me not to have finished a movie I’m reviewing. All I can say is that Borderlands took 41 minutes I could have spent doing something better, like crying myself to sleep or drinking various types of bleach and rating their differing levels of viscosity.
I don’t know what person these three movies are for, but it isn’t me or anyone else I’ve ever met. Walking out of a movie before it’s over in search of a stiff drink hurt my heart a little. Let’s do better next time.
Cate Blanchett, Ariana Greenblatt, Kevin Hart, Florian Munteanu, and Jamie Lee Curtis in Borderlands.
COURTESY OF LIONSGATE
CULTURE
Savage Love Quickies
By Dan Savage
: Q Why do so many people — even kinky ones — regard the Daddy/babygirl dynamic as hot but think Mommy/littleboy role play is disturbing?
A: Because people can’t stand to see middle-aged women happy and in control.
: Q Am I on the asexuality spectrum or do I just have a very low sex drive 95% of the time? How can I know for sure?
A: There’s no genetic test for asexuality, just as there’s no genetic test for heterosexuality, homosexuality, or bisexuality. So, while you can’t know with absolute certainty whether you’re asexual or just have a low sex drive, you’re free to embrace the asexual label if it feels right and helps you communicate with prospective romantic partners. Remember: the asexual spectrum — which runs the gamut from sex-repulsed asexuals recoiling from sex scenes in movies to asexual sluts racking up impressive body counts — is as vast as it is unfalsifiable, and you have just as much right to locate yourself on it as anyone else.
P.S. If there were prenatal genetic tests for sexual orientation, evangelical churches would open abortion clinics in their basements.
: Q 3. What do you do if you want to be a gay fisting top but you have really, really big hands?
A: Seeing as there are gay power bottoms out there literally sitting on traffic cones — you don’t have to take my word for it (2qNSFW) — finding an experienced fisting bottom capable of accommodating one or more of your really, really, really big hands shouldn’t be that hard. (For the record: I don’t doubt your hands are big — I’m not questioning how your hands identify — but however big they are, they’re not bigger traffic cones.)
: Q 4. Is it bad to hold it in right as you are about to reach the point of orgasmic inevitability?
A: What’s the “it” we’re talking about
holding in? If the “it” is a fart, you should definitely hold it in. If the “it” is a butt plug, you should try your best to hold it in. (But there’s no shame in having an orgasm so powerful the butt plug pops out of your ass like a champagne cork and ricochets around the room.) If the “it” is a giggle, knowing how your partner feels about laughter during sex (some love, some hate) would inform your choice. And if the “it” is your load if you’re one of those idiots practicing semen retention for its (unproven and most likely non-existent) health benefits — then holding it in is absolutely necessary, as your entire personality is based on retaining your semen. (Read it and weep, semen retaining weirdos: “Semen retention… a practice that is not supported by current literature and which has been shown to have potential adverse health effects,” according to the National Library of Medicine.)
: Q 5. Tips for getting someone all the way down your throat when their dick is curved?
A: A dick that curves downward will slide down your throat pretty easily when you’re kneeing in front of it. With a dick that curves upward, you’re either need to hang the dude you’re blowing from his ankles (so you can slide his dick down your throat) or lay them down the bed and get on top of them facing their ankles (so you can slide your throat down his dick). If that dick curves to the left or right, you’ll need to get to position opposite to the curve — on the left or the right — to slide that dick down your throat.
: Q 6. Best way to bring up opening up a relationship?
A: It’s best to bring it up early — even if it’s just a hypothetical — because bringing it up after you’ve made a monogamous commitment, gotten married, and had kids is going to feel like a violation. And remember: saying, “I’d like to open our relationship,” to your partner is a lot like saying, “I’m gay,” to your parents or saying, “Childless cat ladies are miserable [and] want to make the rest of the country miserable, too,” into a live mic. It’s not something you can unsay and there’s a good chance you’ll wind up divorced, disowned, or despised for having said it.
: Q I’ve heard you talk about mpox twice on your podcast twice now and recommend the vax for gay and bi men but what about women who sleep with bi
men with male partners? Do we need to get vaxxed too?
A: “The CDC recommends the twodose Jynneos vaccine for people at risk of mpox,” said Benjamin Ryan, a health and science journalist who has extensively covered mpox. “This most notably includes men who have multiple male sex partners. But it can also include women who have sex with such men.” Ryan recommends that you ask your health care provider for the shots — be sure to get both shots — but emphasizes that there’s no need for people to panic. “There is no evidence at this time that mpox clade 1, which is believed to be more severe, has made it to the U.S.,” said Ryan. “But mpox clade 2, from the outbreak that began in 2022, continues to transmit at low levels, overwhelmingly among gay and bisexual men.” If you’re a gay or bisexual man who has already gotten both shots, there’s no need to get a booster at this time. If you’re a gay or bi man who hasn’t gotten the shots — or a woman who sleeps with men who sleep with men — please get vaccinated against mpox as soon as possible.
Follow Benjamin Ryan on Twitter @ BenRyanWriter and subscribe to his newsletter at benryan.substack.com.
: Q 8. I am 21-year-old straight male. I feel way too kinky for my age group. I don’t want to go vanilla, but every time I share my kinks (submissive with masochistic tendencies), I get ghosted or dumped. Help?
A: Pick one: a lifetime of sex that doesn’t satisfy you (“going vanilla”) or putting up with getting dumped over and over by women who aren’t right for you and living in hope that you will — like so many other kinky men hit the jackpot one day, e.g., disclose kinks to someone who shares your kinks (Yahtzee!) or is willing to explore them (GGG!).
: Q 9. I’m a thirty-year-old lesbian woman who has never used a strap-on. I now want to try and top but I don’t want to embarrass myself. Help?
A: There are YouTube tutorials for lesbians interested in strap-on sex tons of them — but if you’re a reader and/or YouTubers get on your nerves like they get on mine, you could curl up on your sofa with one of the classics: The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex by Karlyn Lotney (originally published in 2000) and The Whole Lesbian Sex Book by Felice Newman (originally published in 1999).
P.S. Giving yourself permission to embarrass yourself — telling yourself
and your partner that it’s going to take you some time to get good at this thing you’ve never done before — radically decreases your chances of embarrassing yourself. (Low expectations are easily exceeded.)
: Q 10. Should you ever open up a relationship out of boredom/monotony?
A: Some argue you shouldn’t open up your relationship — or even talk about opening up your relationship — if you’re in a “good” place. But there are lots of happily open couples out there who were in a good place emotionally (getting along, still in love) but not in a great place sexually (getting bored, stuck in a rut) when they first discussed opening the relationship. And that convo — opening up a relationship or keeping it closed — is never boring.
: Q How often do you think Kamala pegs Doug?
A: I reject the premise of your question — we have no way of knowing whether Kamala pegs Doug — but I will say this: Whatever Kamala and Doug are doing, they’re into it, they’re into each other, and they’re having a blast. Donald Trump, on the other hand, has never had sex with a woman who was into it, into him, and felt anything before, during, or after except regret.
: Q Is not having sex a reason to end a relationship you’ve invested seven years in? Other than not having sex we have a great relationship. He used to take testosterone, which helped, but he hasn’t been able to get his prescription filled in a long time. So, I do take that into consideration. But I get no reaction from him when I try to initiate sex. We are both in our mid-fifties, we live together, we work together. He is my boss, and he owns the company.
A: Sexual neglect, sexual dissatisfaction, sexual frustration, sexual incompatibility — all perfectly good reasons to end a sexually exclusive relationship. If your boss/partner refuses to do anything about this… like get his testosterone prescription refilled… and you’re afraid that addressing the matter directly by asking for an open relationship could result in you being single and unemployed, then DWYNTDTSMASS.
Read the full column online at savage.love. Got problems? Yes, you do! Email your question for the column to mailbox@savage.love! Or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/askdan! Podcasts, columns, and more at Savage. Love.
CULTURE Free Will Astrology
By Rob Brezsny
ARIES: March 21 – April 19
In 2015, a large earthquake struck Nepal, registering 7.8 on the Richter scale. It was so powerful, it shrunk Mt. Everest. I mention this, Aries, because I suspect you will generate good fortune in the coming months whenever you try to shrink metaphorical mountains. Luckily, you won’t need to resort to anything as forceful and ferocious as a massive earthquake. In fact, I think your best efforts will be persistent, incremental, and gradual. If you haven’t gotten started yet, do so now.
TAURUS: April 20 – May 20
We don’t know the astrological sign of Egyptian Queen Cleopatra, who ruled from 51 to 30 BCE. But might she have been a Taurus? What other tribe of the zodiac would indulge in the extravagance of bathing in donkey milk? Her staff kept a herd of 700 donkeys for this regimen. Before you dismiss the habit as weird, please
understand that it wasn’t uncommon in ancient times. Why? Modern science has shown that donkey milk has anti-aging, anti-bacterial, and antiinflammatory qualities. And as astrologers know, many of you Tauruses are drawn to luxurious and healing influences that also enhance beauty. I recommend you cultivate such influences with extra verve in the coming days.
GEMINI: May 21 – June 20
In two trillion galaxies stretched out across 93 billion light years, new stars are constantly being born. Their birth process happens in stellar nurseries, where dense clouds of gas coalesce into giant spheres of light and heat powered by the process of nuclear fusion. If you don’t mind me engaging in a bit of hyperbole, I believe that you Geminis are now immersed in a small-scale, metaphorical version of a stellar nursery. I have high hopes for the magnificence you will beget in the coming months.
CANCER: June 21 – July 22
The planet Mars usually stays in your sign for less than two months every two years. But the pattern will be different in the coming months. Mars will abide in Cancer from September 5 to November 4 and then again from January 27 till April 19 in 2025. The last time the red planet made such an extended visit was in 2007 and 2008, and before that in 1992 and 1993. So what does it mean? In the least desirable scenario, you will wander aimlessly, distracted by trivial battles and unable to decide which dreams to pursue. In the best scenario, you will be blessed with a sustained, fiery devotion to your best and most beautiful ambitions.
LEO: July 23 – August 22
Football season is upon us once again my gridiron chums, with all its theatre and smash mouth violence, so exquisitely American. As long as one is not rooting for the filth that flops in Columbus, (Dallas a close 2nd.) it’s all good.
Famous rock musicians have on occasion spiced up their live shows by destroying their instruments on stage. Kurt Cobain of the band Nirvana smashed many guitars. So did Jimi Hendrix, who even set his guitars on fire. I can admire the symbolic statement of not being overly attached to objects one loves. But I don’t recommend that approach to you in the coming weeks. On the contrary, I believe this is a time for you to express extra care for the tools, machines, and apparatus that give you so much. Polish them up, get repairs done, show them you love them. And if you need new gizmos and gear to enhance your selfexpression, get them in the near future.
VIRGO: August 23 – Sept. 22
In all of world history, which author has sold the most books? The answer is Agatha Christie, born under the sign of Virgo. Readers have bought over 2 billion copies of her 70-plus books. I present her as a worthy role model for you during the next nine months. In my astrological opinion, this will be your time to shine, to excel, to reach new heights of accomplishment. Along with Christie, I invite you to draw encouragement and inspiration from four other Virgo writers who have flourished: 1. Stephen King, 400 million in sales from 77 books. 2. Kyotaro Nishimura, 200 million in sales from over 400 books. 3. Leo Tolstoy, 413 million from 48 books. 4. Paul Coelho, 350 million from 28 books.
LIBRA: Sept. 23 – Oct. 22
Centuries before the story of Jesus Christ’s resurrection, there was a Greek myth with similar themes. It featured Persephone, a divine person who descended into the realm of the dead but ultimately returned in a transfigured form. The ancient Festival of Eleusis, observed every September, honored Persephone’s down-going and redemption — as well as the cyclical flow of decay and renewal in every human life. In accordance with astrological omens, I invite you to observe your own version of a Festival of Eleusis by taking an inventory: What is disintegrating and decomposing in your own world? What is ripe for regeneration and rejuvenation? What fun action can you do that resembles a resurrection?
SCORPIO: Oct. 23 – Nov. 21:
The coming weeks will be an excellent time to take inventory of your community and your network of connections. Here are questions to ask yourself as you evaluate whether you already have exactly what you need or else may need to make adjustments. 1. Are you linked with an array of people who stimulate and support you? 2. Can you draw freely on influences that further your goals and help you feel at home in the world? 3. Do you bestow favors on those you would like to receive favors from? 4. Do you belong to groups or institutions that share your ideals and give you power you can’t access alone?
SAGITTARIUS: Nov. 22 – Dec. 21
“Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.” Sagittarian humorist James Thurber said that, and now I’m conveying it to you. Why? Well, I am very happy about the progress you’ve been making recently — the blooming and expanding and learning you have been enjoying. But I’m
guessing you would now benefit from a period of refining what you have gained. Rather than even more progress, I feel you need to consolidate and integrate the progress you have so robustly earned.
CAPRICORN: Dec. 22 – Jan. 19
The people of Northern Ireland have over 70 colorful slang terms for being drunk. These include splootered, stonkied, squiffy, cabbaged, stinkered, ballbagged, wingdinged, bluttered, and wanked. I am begging you, Capricorn, to refrain from those states for at least two weeks. According to my reading of the omens, it’s important for you to avoid the thrills and ills of alcohol. I am completely in favor of you pursuing natural highs, however. I would love you to get your mind blown and your heart opened through epiphanies and raptures that take you to the frontiers of consciousness.
AQUARIUS: Jan. 20 – Feb. 18
Beginning 11,000 years ago, humans began to breed the fig. It’s the world’s oldest cultivated food, preceding even wheat, barley, and legumes. Many scholars think that the fig, not the apple, was the forbidden fruit that God warned Adam and Eve not to munch in the famous Biblical passage. These days, though, figs rarely make the list of the fruits people love most. Their taste is regarded by some as weird, even cloying. But for our purposes, I will favorably quote the serpent in the Garden of Eden: “When you eat the fig, your eyes will be opened and you will be like God.” This is my elaborate way of telling you that now may be an excellent time to sample a forbidden fruit. Also: A serpent may have wise counsel for you.
PISCES: Feb.19 – March 20
The coming weeks would be an excellent time to file lawsuits against everyone who has ever wronged you, hurt you, ignored you, misunderstood you, tried to change you into something you’re not, and failed to give you what you deserve. I recommend you sue each of them for $10 million. The astrological omens suggest you now have the power to finally get compensated for the stupidity and malice you have had to endure. JUST KIDDING! I lied. The truth is, now is a great time to feel intense gratitude for everyone who has supported you, encouraged you, and appreciated you for who you really are. I also suggest you communicate your thanks to as many of your personal helpers and heroes as you can.
Homework: What are you afraid or too timid to ask for? I dare you to ask for it.
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Project Manager @ Roland Berger LP (Detroit, MI) F/T. Mnge cnsltng prjcts for clnts in the automtve indstry, w/ prmry rspnsblty for clnt satsfctn, team excllnce, & dlvry on time & to budget. Rqrs Bach dgre, or frgn equiv, in Biz Admin, Mchnc’l/ Mnfctrng/ Elctrcl Engr, or rltd field, & 6 yrs of prgrssvly rspnsbl exp in the job offrd or as Cnslt’t, Prjct Engr, or rltd. Altrntvly, emplyr will accpt a Mstr dgree & 4 yrs of exp in the job offrd or rltd. Full trm of exp must incld each of the fllwng: Dlvrng prsntatns (written & oral) to automtve & indstr’l clnts based on quant anlysis to propose oprtn’l & prdct dsgn imprvmnts; Prjct mngmnt & executn exp in dlvrng opertn’l strtgy (make vs buy, cmpnnt commonztn strtgy, tchnlgy trade-off studies) & cost optmztn engagemnts (should-cost & profitablty assessmnts); Leadng teams to dlvr prjcts to automtve & indstr’l clnts; Dvlpng finc’l models to evaluate bus case for automtve pwrtrains (Intrnl combstn engines, Lithiumion batteries, e-motors, pwr elctrncs) applyng exp w/ mnfctrng & supply chain set-up & ovrall cost-strctre; Supprtng bus dvlpmnt & intllctual capital actvts (e.g., prpsal dvlpmnt, recruitng, evnt orgnztn & mdrtn, training); & Dvlpng prjct strctre & frmlate solutns. Emplyr will accpt any suitble combntn of eductn, training, or exp. Apprxmtly 60% travel rqrd to clnt wrksites & offices domstclly &/or intrntionlly. Rmte wrk prmttd w/in cmmtng dstnce. Email resume to careers.us@rolandberger.com. Ref “Roland Berger - 6987168”
SPORTS ON OUR BIG SCREENS ALL DAY!
SATURDAY, SEPT 7
STROH’S BEER PRESENTS BOONDOGGLE IN THE BACKYARD: BRUSHES BOOZE & BANDS!
STROH’S ART CONTEST (SEE RULES AND PRIZES ON OUR IG POST)
OUTDOOR STAGE
DJ ANYTIME & COLORWHEEL/BAD FOWL/SUEDE BRAIN/CAVEMAN/ DARK RED/BRENDA/HOURLIES INDOOR STAGE KARAOKE DOORS@2P-2A/$5COVER
Thurs 9/05 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KELLY SPREITZER!
Fri 9/06
ECHO RECORD/SLOWFOOT/ GOOD MAN’S BROTHER (ROCK’N’ROLL) DOORS@9PM/$5COVER
Sun 9/08
LIONS SEASON OPENER @8PM COME WATCH WITH US!
Mon 9/09 FREE POOL ALL DAY
Tues 9/10 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SEAN BERENDT!
Coming Up: 9/13 Detroit Party Marching Band/ Career Funeral/Elspeth Tremblay & The Treatment/Twin Deer 9/14 DIVAS vs DIVAS (monthly dance party) 9/20 The Aromas LIVE! w/ Magnolia & Sancho 9/21 Burning Time/Super Horndog/ Rushmore Pass 9/21 SAM ADAMS STEIN HOLDING COMPETITION
9/27 Dan Tennant/Jo Serrapere/ Nobody’s Business 9/28 Sonic Smut/My Ways/ Pete Dio & The Old & Dirty 10/04 Dirty White & the High Life Social Club/Leaving Lifted/RYN Scott 10/05 NIGHT OF 1000 JOUMANA’s
