Riverfront Times, December 27, 2023 by Big Lou Holdings

RIVERFRONT TIMES

DECEMBER 27, 2023-JANUARY 9, 2024

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DECEMBER 27, 2023-JANUARY 9,2024

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TABLE OF CONTENTS Owner and Chief Executive Officer Chris Keating Executive Editor Sarah Fenske

E D I T O R I A L Managing Editor Jessica Rogen Editor at Large Daniel Hill Staff Writers Ryan Krull, Monica Obradovic Arts & Culture Writer Paula Tredway Dining Critic Cheryl Baehr Theater Critic Tina Farmer Music Critic Steve Leftridge Contributors Aaron Childs, Max Bouvatte, Thomas Crone, Mike Fitzgerald, Cliff Froehlich, Eileen G’Sell, Reuben Hemmer, Braden McMakin, Tony Rehagen, Mabel Suen, Theo Welling Columnists Chris Andoe, Dan Savage Intern Peter Cohen

COVER

A R T

P R O D U C T I O N

Art Director Evan Sult Creative Director Haimanti Germain

The STL News Quiz

Graphic Designer Aspen Smit

M U L T I M E D I A

Special More-Bizarre-Than-Ever 2023 Edition

A D V E R T I S I N G

Publisher Colin Bell Account Manager Jennifer Samuel Directors of Business Development

Cover illustration by

Tony Burton, Rachel Hoppman

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C I R C U L A T I O N Circulation Manager Kevin G. Powers

B I G

L O U

H O L D I N G S

Executive Editor Sarah Fenske Vice President of Digital Services Stacy Volhein Digital Operations Coordinator Elizabeth Knapp

INSIDE

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DECEMBER 27, 2023-JANUARY 9, 2024

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FRONT BURNER

Let Us Introduce Our New Logo First Alert? Pah! Meet Thirst Alert KMOV’s recent and wildly hyped rebrand to First Alert 4 got us thinking. With St. Louis news outlets in open warfare over who’s “first” on everything, whether that be weather or news, no one is thinking about what the people actually want. We know what you want. And we have the slogan to prove it. We hereby go by Thirst Alert. Because let’s face it: Y’all are thirsty, just about every single one of you. Don’t sit there and pretend you click on actual news as quickly or as often as you do stories with smokin’ hot babes as the lead

image. We’re not just blowing smoke out of our asses here. We have actual data demonstrating the correlation between your sexual appetites and the news stories you read. RFT’s most clicked-on coverage in recent years has involved anal beads and chess, Mark McCloskey’s ripplin’ pecs, teachers on OnlyFans, pics from the World Naked Bike Ride and a horrifying story about a 16-year-old who reported allegations of sexual abuse at the hands of a teacher. The teacher just so happened to have a really smokin’ mugshot.

Never mind our exposé revealing that St. Louis’ circuit attorney attended nursing school even as her office devolved into a piping hot garbage fire (the story did well, but it was far from our most-read headline of the year). Or that climate change could soon bring unprecedented flooding to our area. Or that some of our cops have zero intention of showing up to court to testify even when the freedom of child murderers hangs in the balance. You aren’t interested. So fine, we say! We’ll give you what you want! And for internet-addicted read-

ers whose mental bandwidth has been reduced to that of a goldfish, we’re going to make it very clear which stories are just for you. Going forward, you can find our Thirst Alert label any time we’re giving the people what they want: Taylor Swift-themed pole-dancing parties, YouTubers shoving anal beads up their asses, sexy Jesus pageants and the like. We own this beat, so why not own this beat? We’re the Riverfront Fucking Times, damn it. Emphasis on the fuck. Just please, don’t make us go to court to prove it. Unlike St. Louis’ dueling TV stations, we didn’t bother to trademark this shit, and we didn’t invest in matching red outfits whilst packing our bags for Maryland Heights. All we have is our complete lack of pride, headquarters within the city limits and a cool new logo. Let us have this, OK? And happy New Year! —Riverfront Times

6 QUESTIONS for returning social media influencer Onnabubarbie The grounds of the Gateway Arch at 4:30 p.m. on a chilly Monday are what you’d expect: barren. But at the far eastern end of the park, atop the steps that lead to the lower riverfront, a bedazzled woman in a red sequined dress cuts through the gloom. She poses in front of a selfie light as two adults and a young girl surround her taking pictures. This is Onnabubarbie, who introduces herself by her Instagram handle. She explains she’s an influencer (sure enough, Onnabubarbie has nearly 34,000 followers on Instagram and 51,400 on the social media site Stereo) and she’s here with her godparents and goddaughter to take photos for social media of herself in the town where she grew up. We interrupted Onnabubarbie’s photo shoot for a brief conversation about St. Louis, coming home and looking fabulous even when it’s 34 degrees outside. This interview has been edited for length and clarity. Tell me what you’re wearing here. This is probably something I’ve had in my closet for the last six years. We tried to put a theme together and I grew up loving Jessica Rabbit. So this is a little bit of Betty Boop and Jessica Rabbit. Aren’t you freezing right now? I am freezing! But it’s worth it. Where are you from? California, but I was born in St. Louis. How long has it been since you’ve been back? Probably six years. What’s it been like to come back to your hometown after so many years? It grounds me. And I’ve been reminded of the rich energy of St. Louis. I got my musical roots from St. Louis and I’m paying it back by letting everyone know I’m here. Where can people find you? People can find me on Instagram at Onnabubarbie. Onnabu is a female warrior geisha from Japan and Barbie is the theme right now because I graduated from St. Francis High School and the producer of Barbie graduated from my high school. So I’m out here putting together my mix of California and St. Louis. —Monica Obradovic

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Inspired by Jessica Rabbit and warrior geishas, it’s Onnabubarbie. | MONICA OBRADOVIC

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T H E D E V I L’ S I N T H E D E TA I L S

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WEEKLY WTF?!

They’re mocking us, right? | RYAN KRULL

LICENSE PLATE WATCH Where: that stretch of Brentwood Boulevard between the Saint Louis Galleria and the Promenade that’s lawless in the best of times and a Mad Max-level hellscape around Christmas When: around Christmas, 5:52 p.m. What: a driver taunting us with his vanity plates Why: Apparently he has no regard for our regional angst over the plague of cars with temp tags smashing into light poles and buildings and mowing down our children in the streets. How we responded: Shaking our fist, cursing. What can we say? It’s Brentwood in December.

15 SECONDS OF FAME MYSTERY CULPRIT OF THE WEEK

The Dog

Pity the poor police officer driving down South Broadway on December 18. Picture it: He’s just minding his own business, carefully following every traffic law on the books, as one does in St. Louis, when out of nowhere dashes a dog. A dog roaming the frigid streets of Carondelet at 12:30 a.m., and then throwing his doggie body right in front of the police SUV and leaving the officer no choice — none, we say! — but to The prime suspect — at first, at least. | veer across several lanes of traffic FLICKR/VIOLET GIDDINGS and crash right into south city’s LGBTQ favorite bar, Bar:PM. That damn dog! If it wasn’t for him, the St. Louis police never would have handcuffed one of the bar’s owners for “yelling” at them. They certainly never would have arrested the other owner and charged him with felony assault, leading to national disgrace. Oh wait … it wasn’t a dog? The police later changed their story to say they swerved to avoid hitting a parked car — and, then, the following day, said no, wait, they were distracted by the vehicle’s radio? How odd. Did police falsely accuse an innocent puppo? Or did the dog pay them off to cover up his crimes? We may never know.

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DECEMBER 27, 2023-JANUARY 9, 2024

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NEWS

The police officer who arrested Chad Morris can be seen in this still from a bystander video. | MATT PFAFF

Cop in Bar:PM Arrest Has History of Violence The officer allegedly threw a handcuffed man to the ground for saying “f— the police” Written by

RYAN KRULL

he St. Louis police officer accused of assaulting Bar:PM co-owner Chad Morris was accused of assaulting a bystander to a 2019 incident, causing serious injuries including multiple broken bones. The same officer can be seen in a bystander video taken early Monday morning after a police SUV slammed into the LGBTQ bar, says attorney Brian Stokes. (Police records identify the officer only as R.W.) Bar co-owner James Pence is in handcuffs when the person taking the video asks what crime Pence committed. The officer responds, “A disturbance.” The officer then approaches the person shooting the video and

says, “He’s not going to yell at me, that’s causing a disturbance.” According to attorney Javad Khazaeli, that same officer later roughed up the bar’s other coowner, Morris, in a gangway alongside the bar. Morris was charged with felony assault, taken into custody, held for a day and a half and released. (His charge has since been lowered to a misdemeanor.) He emerged from the jail on Tuesday sporting a black eye and bruises. “As you can see, they beat him pretty terribly,” Khazaeli said at the time. “He’s got bruises all across his body. This is for the offense of asking why they handcuffed his husband.” The St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department did not respond to multiple requests seeking comment last week. However, KSDK reported on December 21 that police have shared some body cam footage with several city officials and that it “appears to corroborate the police version of the story.” KSDK reports that the video shows Morris “shove” the officer in the gangway — but that the video is too dark to show much more. On the video, they say, Morris can be heard asking an officer why he hit him. This is not the first time the officer identified as R.W. has faced allegations of wrongdoing, court records show. According to a lawsuit filed in 2021, the officer threw a 52-year-

Chad Morris showed off a black eye upon his release from jail. | RYAN KRULL

old man down to the ground while that man was handcuffed, causing multiple broken bones. That man, Charles Singleton, alleges the incident took place around 2:30 a.m. on September 21, 2019, at an apartment complex on South Broadway, just a fourminute drive from Bar:PM. According to Singleton’s lawsuit, police officers — including R.W. — were at the apartment complex to respond to an alleged assault. A number of people were arrested, and several police cars were on the scene. Singleton was not among those being taken into custody, at least not at first. The suit says that Singleton was in a crowd of onlookers at the scene. According to the police reports, Singleton said, “Fuck the police.” As a result of those comments, the officer placed Singleton under arrest for “disturbing the peace.” According to the police report stemming from the incident, although Singleton had been put in handcuffs, he still had his cell phone in his hand. The officer attempted to take it from him. A struggle ensued and, according to Singleton’s lawsuit, “Without justification or legal cause, [R.W.] threw [Singleton] to the concrete ground face first while [his] hands were secured behind his body.” The tripping maneuver shattered multiple bones, including some in Singleton’s leg as well as his collarbone — his clavicle and left proximal tibia and fibula.

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Singleton’s attorney, Stokes, recognized the officer from deposing him for Singleton’s lawsuit. He says that, based on what he knows about what occurred at Bar:PM earlier this week, the officer seems to have an M.O. of responding with physical aggression when others challenge him with their words. “Singleton gets picked up for telling the police to go away, and ends up with four days in the hospital,” Stokes says. Khazaeli adds, “If this is the same officer, he needs to be retrained on what a public disturbance is and when he can seize and use force against a bystander.” In the Bar:PM incident, videotape captured someone asking the police officers who crashed into the building “who was sucking whose dick” at the time of the crash. But attorney Dave Roland, who handles many First Amendment cases, says coarse language would not give police grounds for an arrest, much less violence. He says it’s been very well established in case law that there can be “clearly inflammatory language directed at officers, and you still can’t punish somebody because they say something that you don’t like.” That sort of language comes with the territory of being an officer, says Roland. Roland adds, “If that was said and there was nothing else to warrant arresting the bar owner, I think that’s a pretty clear-cut First Amendment violation.” n

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$4,600 Bill Leads to Lawsuit

A decent amount of local ink has been spilled about Sims. In September of last year, Post-Dispatch columnist Tony Messenger wrote that Sims was “becoming infamous among the circles of folks — especially reporters and attorneys — who regularly file requests for open records with the city.” Sims informed Pona that 755 of Baker’s messages were potentially relevant to the request. Sims said that they needed to be converted from their native email format into PDFs and reviewed for their relevance. That would cost Pona almost $1,600. Understandably not wanting to shell out that kind of money, Pona subsequently amended her request to ask for all 755 emails in their native format, with the intention that all 755 emails would be inherently responsive and therefore wouldn’t need to be reviewed or converted in any way. However, Sims replied to that

request saying that the records had to be reviewed by the city for their relevance before they could be released. Pona argued that all 755 emails by definition were responsive to her second request. That argument fell on deaf ears; Sims reiterated his previous message that the city needed $1,500 to convert and review the files before their release. Sims and Pona went through an almost identical rigmarole with her request for Narayan’s emails, though the price tag on that request was even higher, at $3,000. “What possible world would you need to review these emails to find out if they’re responsive if the citizen has said they’re all responsive?” asks Roland, Pona’s attorney and the director of litigation at the Freedom Center of Missouri, a libertarian law firm that frequently handles Sunshine Law cases. “It makes no sense at

all, unless someone’s goal is to delay or prevent those emails from getting in the hands of the citizen who asked for them.” The lawsuit Roland filed on behalf of Pona last week closely mirrors another lawsuit filed by Elad Gross, a candidate for Missouri attorney general, in September 2022. That lawsuit, which pertains to access to jail records, is still ongoing. At an April hearing in that suit, Gross cross-examined Sims on the stand. His testimony revealed that the city’s protocols for handling Sunshine requests are anything but straightforward: Each agency has its own custodian of records, but it’s not always clear who that person is; those records custodians communicate with Sims, and Sims communicates with the person making the request — except when Sims doesn’t hear back from the records custodian. Sims acknowledged that responses from the city rely heavily on email templates and that, at times, he himself arbitrarily assigns dates for when requests can be fulfilled. Roland says that the suit filed last week gets at an issue that is much bigger than short-term rentals in the city. He is hoping to chip away at what he calls the “lengthy and astonishingly expensive review process” city records requests have to go through before they can be released — if they are released at all. “We have seen over the last several years government entities throwing up unnecessary roadblocks preventing citizens or delaying citizens in getting public records,” Roland says. “And we see this case as an opportunity to clarify that those roadblocks are unlawful.” n

SLPS Pulls the Plug on College Kids

program for Mayor Tishaura Jones during her time as city treasurer. The board voted to invoke the 60 days’ notice provision to cancel its memorandum of understanding with the St. Louis treasurer’s office, which has continued to run the program under Jones’ hand-picked successor, Treasurer Adam Layne. The board chose to end its partnership after months of questions about whether College Kids truly helps launch St. Louis Public Schools students on the path toward college or trade school. Some of the biggest complaints have centered on difficulties parents and grandparents have reported in moving money in College Kids accounts to other college savings vehicles, such as 529 plans — a point that Matt Davis, the board vice president, made during a question-and-answer segment with

Layne before the vote. “And you look at other programs around the country,” Davis says, “and they’re invested in 529s. There’s a much easier way to transfer that money into 529 interest-bearing accounts.” Layne denied that moving College Kids funds into 529 accounts is difficult. All families have to do is fill out a form provided by the treasurer’s office. “So I don’t think it’s a complicated process,” Layne said. “It’s one form.” The board voted without first engaging in public debate. The lone board member to vote “no”on the motion to cancel the MOU was Emily Hubbard. Natalie Vowell, the board’s at-large member, did not attend the meeting. The school board vote took place three months after the board agreed to “pause” its MOU with the treasurer’s office while district administrators sought

St. Louis city said it would be extremely costly to turn over its emails about short-term rentals Written by

RYAN KRULL

ot for the first time, the City of St. Louis’ handling of public records requests has made it the target of a lawsuit, this time from a resident who wanted to know what city officials were saying about attempts to regulate short-term rentals. The resident’s lawyer, Dave Roland, says the suit seeks to prove that how the city handles requests for emails is unlawful. Roland represents local activist Michelle Pona. This summer, she was one of many residents urging the Board of Aldermen to crack down on Airbnbs and other shortterm rentals. Those rentals were becoming the sites of raucous and disruptive parties hosted by people who had rented places like downtown apartments or south city houses for one night only. In October, the Board did pass two bills which, beginning next year, will forbid single-night rentals and require hosts to have an agent available 24/7 for renters and neighbors to contact. Pona, who lives in Southwest Garden, was of the belief that those regulations didn’t go far enough. She also believed, according to her lawsuit, that Mayor Tishaura Jones’ deputy chief of staff Sara Baker had been “collaborating” on the specifics of the proposed legislation with corporate players in the short-term rental industry and the Realtors Association. So on October 2, Pona submitted a Sunshine Law request to the city seeking copies of any emails or text messages to and from Baker that “contain[ed] anything about short term rentals, Board Bill 33, Board Bill 34, Airbnb, vrbo, realtors association, airbnb lobbyist[.]” Pona submitted a similar request for Ward 4 Alderman Bret Narayan’s communications, too. Pona says she received a reply from the city’s Sunshine Law coordinator, Joseph Sims.

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Neighbors objecting to short-term rentals sought emails from the city. | MONICA OBRADOVIC

The school board voted to end its backing of the college savings program Written by

MIKE FITZGERALD This story was commissioned by the River City Journalism Fund.

he St. Louis Board of Education voted earlier this month to cancel its participation in the College Kids Savings Account program — a signature

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Treasurer Adam Layne speaks to the school board. | BRADEN MCMAKIN answers to questions about College Kids’ oversight and usefulness to district students. Each year, the treasurer’s office automatically enrolls all the public- and charter-school kindergarten students in St. Louis city — 2,307 College Kids accounts were created in 2022 alone — providing them with savings accounts at Alltru Credit Union and “seeding” each with a $50 deposit. Money for these deposits comes from city parking fees and parking tickets. College Kids accounts are expected to grow through city-funded incentives and charitable and personal donations. Participants can receive up to $100 in matching deposits and up to $50 for partaking in financial education. Once the student graduates from a public or charter high school in the city, the funds can be withdrawn for college or a trade school. But does the school board’s vote mean the death of College Kids? Layne says that he will work to continue the program. “So it would’ve been a lot easier with district cooperation,” Layne said after the vote. “But all we’ll do is do direct outreach to families. We’ll still go to events; the Urban League will still let us go to the fair. So we’ll still just do direct outreach to families. Enroll them that way. But it’s a simple process.” Antoinette “Toni” Cousins, the board president, says that the vote does not necessarily mean a permanent end to the school district’s partnership with the treasurer’s office. “We basically voted to continue the pause,” Cousins says. “The pause is per part of the questions that Vice President

Davis asked” pertaining to the treasurer’s office’s plans to make changes to the College Kids program in response to complaints about it. “It was just like at this point we weren’t getting any adjustments that were needed in regards to that particular program,” she says. Cousins says the biggest problem with College Kids was lack of evidence showing the program’s positive impact on families taking part in the program. The other big problem was the lack of control that families enrolled in the program had over their accounts. “It appears that Treasurer Layne is the one who had the power to oversee these accounts,” Cousins says. “So that’s concerning.” The school board informally agreed during its meeting September 12 to pause its partnership with the treasurer’s office in large part because of a River City Journalism Fund investigation published in the RFT and St. Louis Public Radio on June 7. The story showed that only 15 percent of the more than 23,000 eligible students in the district were taking part, that the average account had only grown to $73, and that the accounts are not interest bearing. Jones set up College Kids while serving as city treasurer in 2015 and the Board of Aldermen approved it in December of that year. College Kids became one of Jones’ signature achievements, touted during her successful 2021 mayoral run. n For more on the River City Journalism Fund, which provided funding for this project and seeks to support local journalism in St. Louis, please see rcjf.org.

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MISSOURILAND

A Very Missouri Christmas Even the abandoned hubcaps are sporting Santa hats Photos by

REUBEN HEMMER Words by

SARAH FENSKE

he hoopla of the holidays may induce a big ol’ bah humbug from you, but give us Christmas lovers this: On the darkest days of the year,

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these festivities bring light. And that’s something we could all use a bit more of in Missouri. From Santa wrestling at the South Broadway Athletic Club to a holiday-themed trailer park in Steelville, from Santa arriving at Kirkwood’s Museum of Transportation by helicopter to posting up at everybody’s least favorite St. Louis Schnucks (Grand and Gravois, natch), the spirit of the season is everywhere if you know where to look. It can take all forms — when the Church of Satan crashed a Christmas tree contest in Fulton, what could the locals do but allow the First Amendment expression? And if a man in Florissant wants to dress his wooden boy as Santa for Christmas, who are we to object? We hope your holidays were lovely. And now, on to a happy new year — even in this state of Misery. n

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A C E L E B R AT I O N O F T H E U N I Q U E A N D FA S C I N AT I N G A S P E C T S O F O U R H O M E

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THE STL NEWS QUIZ Special More-Bizarre-Than-Ever 2023 Edition How well do you remember all the nuttiness of the past 12 months? B Y

R A Y

H A R T M A N N

20-29: C. Meh. how it made you feel. It’s that time of year again for the annual them And now for the scoring sys-

RFT Final Exam, a proud St. Louis tradition dating back decades and carried on every year that we got around to it, which wasn’t all that often. But we digress. Let us state from the outset that our purpose is to have a little innocent fun at the expense of those deemed deserving, often in an arbitrary and capricious manner. So don’t take this too seriously, and definitely don’t take it within 100 yards of a school. For those of you who might be offended by the quiz, we say, “OK.” For those who want to take the next step and litigate your snowflake grievances, direct all inquiries to our lawyers at Dewey Cheatem & Howe. Let that be a lesson to you: If we’re neither too proud nor mature to steal a Three

Stooges joke, do you really think we’re worried about pissing you off? It’s satire. Deal. Now that the legalese is out of the way, feel free to take the test with a No. 2 pencil. But only if you can explain whatever happened to No. 1 pencils. As to the content of the quiz, all items stem from articles published in the RFT during the calendar year 2023. If you don’t read the RFT, you have reached this quiz by mistake and under no circumstances should you take it. And if you did take it by accident, call the QAnon Hotline and tell

1. The feds seized $2 million and 15 ATMs last month from businessman/informant Mohammed Almuttan. Which concerning item was not part of their haul? a) An arsenal of 19 handguns, 4 rifles and a shotgun. b) An arsenal of explosives. c) 4,223 cartons of cigarettes. d) A Sam’s Club membership card. 2. Two teachers at Missouri’s St. Clair High School were exposed — so to speak — for moonlighting as adult performers on the website OnlyFans. What happened next? a) St. Clair High School passed an emergency bond issue so it could quadruple its number of classrooms by next fall. b) The two teachers resigned in disgrace.

tem based, cleverly, on how many questions you answered correctly.

50 out of 50: A++. You are our favorite reader, one of the coolest people ever, and you’ve shown your willingness to devote the proper amount of time to the RFT. And don’t let them make fun of your ankle bracelet. 44-49: A. You, too, are a wonderful RFT reader, a person of good character, fine intellect and even better weed. 30-43: B. You did just fine. Not everyone can be one of the cool kids. Don’t let it get you down. Just read more carefully next year.

lousy pay for teachers necessitated their OnlyFans activities.

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0-9: F. Congratulations! You are media illiterate. Try to spend more time reading the stories in 2024 and less time offering expert commentary on Facebook. Much as the world will miss your astute observations, you may enjoy learning what’s actually happening in this region you purport to know so much about. Til then, shut your yap. Without further annoyance, here is the 2023 RFT final exam. Answers appear at the end.

d) A complementary straitjacket.

d) Missouri Republican leaders announced that investigating the teachers’ videos would be the state’s only order of business for education in the 2024 session.

4. A person we chose to identify only as “Kirkwood Karen” earned fleeting moments of online infamy when she was captured on video screaming what insult to a Black postal worker?

3. Webster Groves hotspot restaurant Olive + Oak stirred an online hornet’s nest with its decision to cancel a fundraiser booked by the campaign of Republican presidential candidate and wingnut Vivek Ramaswamy. What important benefit were Ramaswamy’s intended $3,300 donors deprived of?

a) “Don’t you try to go postal on me! I went postal first!”

a) The chance to meet Ramaswamy in person.

d) “Equal my ass! You’re not equal! I wish I hadn’t voted for Obama!”

b) “A phone call with Vivek,” a crappy book and a great dinner. c) A gold-plated “Climate Denier” badge signed in coal by Ramaswamy.

c) The two teachers noted that Missouri’s

10-19: D. If you were the victim of exposure to Critical Race Theory, call a law firm that advertises on TV as long as they say, “CRT Exposure Is All We Do.”

DECEMBER 27, 2023-JANUARY 9, 2024

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b) “Equal my ass! You’re not equal! Goddamn fucking step on white people!” c) “Equal my ass! You’re not equal! But I would like to do you anyway!”

5. A federal budget item aimed at “developing a female crash test dummy to address gender equity in crash testing” caused Senator Eric Schmitt to humiliate himself with

a Twitter fit before he realized it was funding a scientific study on how car crashes affect men and women differently. Why was he so misinformed? a) He assumed “female” meant men were suffering discrimination. b) He assumed “dummy” meant he was under personal attack. c) He assumed “crash testing” described a leftist CRT education plot. d) He assumed “gender equity” meant this was woke. 6. In June, the St. Louis Cardinals announced they had extended alcohol sales to the end of the eighth inning, rather than the end of the seventh inning as had been tradition. Why did they do this? a) Fans had complained that they should be able to drink as late as the pitchers in the bullpen. b) Because they could, and there’s just a little markup to be made. c) Because they wanted to promote responsible driving but felt that they had been overdoing it.

County Councilman Ernie Trakas is suing Wash U’s Transgender Center at Children’s Hospital. | LEXIE MILLER

d) Because they felt an extra beer in the eighth inning might help numb the fans’ discomfort with how the Cardinals were playing this year.

tative Sarah Unsicker (D-Shrewsbury) of her committee assignments?

7. Why did St. Louis County Councilman Ernie Trakas (R-Hell) sign on as a lawyer suing the now-closed Washington University Transgender Center at Children’s Hospital?

a) Jewish billionaire George Soros insisted upon it in exchange for donations.

c) Instituting the “Save Women’s Sports Act” to target hypothetical trans kids.

b) Unsicker planned to demand House hearings on Jewish space lasers.

d) B and C, but A should be coming anytime.

a) He felt bad about not reimbursing taxpayers for that $60,000 payment they made to settle a sex harassment claim a former aide made against him. b) He’s still angry that the county instituted gender-neutral restrooms in 2021, which he fought on the grounds it violated his religious beliefs. c) He’s your garden-variety Republican culture warrior. d) He was called to serve in a moment of divine revelation while practicing his religious beliefs in a public restroom. 8. Why does Josh Hawley always wear the same khaki green shirt when he comes to Missouri? a) For camouflage purposes, in case angry woke people send him scurrying into the woods as if Capitol rioters were afoot. b) By wearing the same shirt and never washing it, he emits the macho outdoor scent of a masculine manly man. c) When he wears his normal shirts, he mysteriously starts resembling the scion of a wealthy banker, and who wants that? d) He thinks it makes him look like an average Missour-ah country guy even though it doesn’t. 9. Why did Democratic House Minority Leader Crystal Quade strip state Represen-

c) Unsicker fanned the flames of antisemitic conspiracy theories online. d) If we told you the truth, we’d end up like kids at that pizza parlor. 10. In a Twitter Spaces chat, Unsicker and some alt-right friends discussed a conspiracy theory of Israeli foreign interference in the race for Missouri state attorney general, from which she subsequently dropped out as a candidate. The two people cited as possible plotters were fellow candidates Elad Gross, a liberal Democrat, and Will Scharf, a conservative Republican. Why might they have been singled out? a) Gross’ two names consists of a total of nine letters. Nine upside down is six, which is the sign of the devil. Scharf’s has 10 but you know how Jews shorten their names.

kids out of curriculum they consider “inappropriate for whatever reason.”

12. Rick Morrow, lead pastor of Beulah Church in the Missouri Ozarks town of Richland, proposed which strategy for treating children with autism? a) Providing loving care and support from family members, friends and the church. b) Introducing them to his hobby of martial arts fighting. c) Casting the demons out of them and rewiring their brains. d) Casting the freaky pastors out of them and rewiring their churches. 13. The giant parent company that owns local TV station KMOV is suing the giant parent company that owns local TV station KSDK for trademark infringement over which catchy weather phrase? a) First Alert Weather.

b) Both are Jewish.

b) First Weather Alert.

c) Neither has proven they’re not engaged in human trafficking.

c) Second Alert Weather.

d) Neither has issued a single statement condemning the death of Jesus. 11. State Senator Ben Brown (R-Washington), owner of Satchmo’s Bar and Grill in Chesterfield, parlayed his defiance of pandemic-era regulations into a political career. What important bills has he since sponsored? a) Elimination of the state Health Department. b) Allowing parents to opt their school-age

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d) So What If We Missed One Tornado? 14. Convicted sex offender Tommy Boyd, serving a 30-year sentence at Potosi Correctional Center for felony enticement of a child, escaped from Mercy South Hospital, where he had been taken for an illness. Before he was captured, Boyd showed up online in a selfie taken with an unidentified woman. While he was on the lam, St. Louis County Police issued what unusual warning to the public about this “absolutely

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dangerous” guy? a) Don’t let him borrow your firearms. b) Don’t invite him to your kid’s birthday party. c) Don’t take selfies with him. d) Don’t ask him on a date. 15. University of Missouri President Mun Choi now has a pay package approaching $1 million. Despite being home to one of the nation’s top journalism schools, university communications officials offered what novel explanation for why it wasn’t publicizing anything about his compensation? a) They don’t want to appear to be bragging about how much Choi makes. b) No one in the media used the phrase “Simon Says” before asking about it. c) They’re “happy” to provide that information on request but only if legally required to do so. d) They’re afraid that if this information comes out, all the assistant football and basketball coaches will demand raises. 16. A report from the National Rural Education Association found that Missouri teachers’ salaries were “critically low” — averaging $14,000 below their peers in other states, with only Arkansas ranked lower. What does the state legislature plan to do about this in 2024?

19. Which question was asked by the city’s curious study about how to spend the $250 million windfall it received from the lawsuit over the Rams’ departure? a) What basic city services would you like to see the city resume providing? b) What challenges have you recently experienced or are currently experiencing? c) What challenges were you not experiencing when the Rams were here but are currently experiencing? d) Can you help us find where Stan Kroenke lives? 20) The Rams survey offered a narrow list of concerns that respondents could identify in their lives. Which of these was not a possible response? a) I do not have access to substance abuse treatment. b) I do not have a reliable work schedule. c) I have not received a timely or appropriate emergency response when calling 911.

d) A bill to punish abortion as murder. 24. Many Missouri residential landlords received substantial aid in 2021 and 2022 from a state-run federal program designed to help tenants hurt financially by the COVID-19 pandemic stay in their apartments. This year, to show their appreciation for the State Assistance for Housing Relief (SAFHR) program, landlords: a) Removed black mold. b) Removed broken air conditioning and heating units. c) Removed callous and lazy property managers. d) Removed tenants. 25. At least 11 detainees have died in the City Justice Center under the administration of Mayor Tishaura Jones. How has the mayor’s team sprung into action? a) By firing warden Jennifer Clemons-Abdullah.

d) I cannot live another year without an NFL team playing in St. Louis.

b) By embracing the Detention Facilities Oversight Board established to investigate the jail.

21. Fields Foods owner Chris Goodson closed his chain of six “food desert” grocery stores in 2023. Which statement did his employees debunk to an RFT reporter?

c) By handcuffing and forcibly removing a Detention Facilities Oversight Board member when they showed up at the jail to investigate.

a) Nothing.

a) That people misunderstood that the stores were intended to serve desserts, not serve food deserts.

d) By admitting that they just said all that stuff about improving jail conditions because it sounded good.

b) Cut the teachers’ pay below Arkansas’ level to emulate the state’s last-in-the-nation tobacco tax stature.

b) That Goodson planned to open a new chain of stores with the catchier name of Goodson’s Goodies.

c) Deport teachers who complain about it to Arkansas and construct a southern border wall to keep them from returning.

c) That Goodson was “in talks” with an “employee group” that had credible plans to buy the Fields Foods chain.

26. Perhaps the most energizing Missouri news story of 2023 broke in July with the announcement of a new 235 area code that will overlay the 573 area code serving midMissouri. What was the reaction?

d) Partner with OnlyFans on an aid program for teachers to provide a more respectable amount of compensation.

d) That when Goodson was selected by the city to renovate Cleveland High School amid the store closings, it proved they were much ado about nothing.

17. What percent of likely voters in Missouri use the pronunciation “Missour-uh” instead of “Missour-ee, according to an SLU/YouGov poll? a) 91.4 b) 50.2 c) 9.5 d) 27.2 18. Why did you probably get Question 17 wrong? a) You underestimated how many Missourians refuse to use three-syllable words. b) You underestimated how many people stopped saying Missour-uh because they didn’t want to sound like Josh Hawley. c) You were surprised for the same reason the polling experts were surprised: It’s surprising. d) You’re just a woke city slicker who doesn’t know anything.

22. Which is not true of marijuana at college campuses in the area? a) Courses are offered in cannabis science. b) Courses are offered in cannabis entrepreneurship. c) Courses are offered in cannabis cultivation and production. d) Students can possess weed without fear of expulsion. 23. “Do you know any kids who have been married at age 12? I do. And guess what? They’re still married.” State Senator Mike Moon (R-Ashworth) said these creepy words during a debate on which of his culture war bills? a) A bill to deny health care for transgender kids. b) A bill to establish a middle-school intern program for the state legislature. c) A bill to annex Arkansas.

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a) Gov. Mike Parson said, through tears, “This is the gosh-darn greatest accomplishment of my administration.” b) The state Public Service Commission chairman assured panicked residents that “the 573 area code is not going away.” c) St. Louis’ 636 area code officially declared war on the 235 area code. d) Former state Sen. Bob Onder, as part of his quest for the GOP nod for lieutenant governor, called for an armed insurrection at the state capitol. 27. A St. Louis Hills resident we named “Tom” got fed up with drivers parking in his sister’s officially designated handicapped parking spot. And what did Tom do? a) He waited for the driver to show up and beat the crap out of him. b) He relieved himself through an open window of the car. c) He zip-tied a nasty toilet from a nearby alley to the driver’s door handle. d) He called 911 but is still waiting for an answer. 28. Hans Niemann, a 19-year-old chess champion, filed a defamation suit after be-

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accused of cheating at the Sinquefield Cup in St. Louis with what nefarious device? a. Vibrating anal beads. b. Non-vibrating anal beads. c. AI-powered anal beads. d. A vibrating bishop. 29. Which of the following did not hit the Loop Trolley in 2023? a) A crush of riders. b) A car. c) A gunpoint threat from the feds to stay open. d) A fire that briefly shut down Delmar but failed to stop the passenger-free trolley. 30. Jade Gibbs, a 20-year-old Missouri woman, stole a firetruck and then displayed what the RFT termed “a Houdini-like ability” to escape police handcuffs. What did she not do as part of a rampage credited with causing $450,000 worth of damage? a) Crashed the purloined truck through the doors of the fire station. b) Drove the truck through neighboring lawns. c) Invited the citizenry of Henry County to join her in a hootenanny. d) Smashed the truck into a tree. 31. “Fuck that insurance company. I don’t give two shits about them. I’m not bothered by hitting them as hard as we can.” Who is alleged to have said this on an audio recording? a) Former world champion boxer Michael Spinks. b) Former governor Eric Greitens.

Former St. Louis Alderman Brandon Bosley may or may not be the answer to one of these questions. | RYAN GAINES year.” c) Millions for family members and her romantic partner on homes, commercial real estate and a luxury SUV. d) Construction of a museum honoring Bobo the Clown to honor his work with lowincome children. 34. The RFT reported in December that the hottest new bar on Cherokee Street also doubles as what location? a) A bus stop.

c) Former alderman Brandon Bosley.

b) A locksmith shop.

d) Former Missouri insurance commissioner Clay Davis.

c) A Mexican butcher shop. d) A QuikTrip.

32. Reality TV star and local radio personality Brittish Williams was sentenced to four years in prison after pleading guilty to fraud involving more than $150,000 per year over three years. What funds did the Clayton High School graduate illegally take?

35. Which St. Louis entity has lost the most employees this year?

a) Rams money.

c) The St. Louis County Health Department.

b) Pandemic money.

d) It’s impossible to calculate before press time because each number is growing by the minute.

c) TIF money. d) Temp tags money. 33. Connie Bobo, executive director of New Heights Community Resources Center in St. Charles, was indicted on charges that she had diverted millions of funds meant to feed low-income children during the pandemic. What do the feds allege they were used for? a) A cannabis business targeting low-income children. b) A marketing campaign highlighting Bobo as “rising star executive director of the

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a) KDHX. b) The St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department.

36. Who dropped out of the inaugural Queens of the Lou Music Festival after a backlash about their participation? a) Guns N’ Roses. b) St. Charles-based TikTok star Britt Barbie. c) The anonymous St. Louis-based musician who told the RFT he kicked Jason Aldean in the balls. d) Embattled Jazz St. Louis CEO Victor Goines.

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37. What reason did Guns N’ Roses cite for postponing its scheduled Busch Stadium concert? a) The city would not promise an adequate number of riot police. b) Too many DJs playing their music had been fired from KDHX. c) Too many of their fans are afraid to go to downtown St. Louis. d) Illness. 38) What did Fox 2 News photojournalist Wade Smith receive from the north county Village of Hillsdale for his effort to inquire about municipal governments towing people’s cars from their own driveways over expired tags? a) His car getting towed out of his driveway. b) His car getting towed out of a Hillsdale driveway. c) A broken leg after getting hit by the trailer of a car driven by a Hillsdale official allegedly fleeing him. d) The keys to the Village of Hillsdale. 39. An October meeting of the St. Louis Board of Aldermen devolved into ruckus and recess as members debated resolutions about the war in Israel. Who shouted “Shame on you!” from the gallery? a) Pro-Palestinian protesters angry over proIsrael comments. b) International journalists angry over the aldermen keeping the world in suspense over their position on this issue. c) Supporters of Aldermanic President Megan Green angry over Alderwoman Sharon Tyus calling Green “a white Becky.” d) Supporters of Alderwoman Sharon Tyus

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b) “After serving as a line attorney at the Circuit Attorney’s Office and seeing firsthand the underlying issues that drive crime, she became a Registered Nurse. She continues to stay current with classes at Saint Louis University to add to her training and advance her mission at the CAO.”

angry over retorts that Tyus was actually “a Black Becky.” 40. After getting sued by five landlords in connection with his Boardwalk Waffles and Ice Cream empire, owner Eric Moore faces a lawsuit from his ex-girlfriend and business partner. Michelle Hastings, a psychologist who says she met Moore online, fell in love and then loaned him $250,000, says she’s going public to warn people about heeding what warning signs in new relationships?

c) “The Circuit Attorney has done this at great personal cost to her time with her family and loved ones.” d) “The Circuit Attorney regrets enrolling in a master’s nursing program at a time when her office is failing to perform its most basic duties.”

a) That you just met your partner online. b) That your partner is hesitating to take responsibility for small issues and lacks transparency.

47. How many prosecutors were left in the Circuit Attorney’s Violent Crimes unit at the time of the RFT’s scoop, in a city that saw 196 murders in the past year?

c) That your partner keeps getting sued by his landlords. d) That your partner keeps waffling.

a) 4 b) 3

41. “We don’t want them to see drag queens [or learn] African American studies. But a 14-year-old carrying an AR-15 down the streets of St. Louis? Totally fine! Nothing to see here!” Who said it?

c) 2 d) 1: Kim Gardner, R.N.

a) Missouri Attorney General Jay Ashcroft, Republican primary candidate for governor. b) State Senator Bill Eigel, Republican primary candidate for governor. c) Governor George Santos, after moving to Missouri after getting booted from Congress. d) St. Louis native and national icon Andy Cohen, raging with righteous anger about how stupid his former state has become. 42. What did state Representative Ann Kelley (R-Lamar) — a woman — propose as an appropriate dress code for female Missouri legislators? a) They should wear holsters so they can bear arms on the floor of the General Assembly. b) They should wear blazers so they don’t bare arms on the floor of the General Assembly. c) They should wear home-knitted aprons to serve coffee and doughnuts to the male legislators. d) They should wear MAGA hats and “Don’t Say Gay” buttons.

What do they make these things out of, the blood of slaughtered pedestrians? | EMILY WOOODBURY

48. U.S. Representative Cori Bush (D-St. Louis) made quite a statement with her guest of honor at President Joe Biden’s State of the Union message. Who did she bring? a) Reverend Al Sharpton b) Reverend Louis Farrakhan

port manager for the St. Louis Justice Center, says he was fired after complaining about jail operations to the Division of Civilian Oversight. Apparently, Corrections Commissioner Jennifer Clemons-Abdullah has no tolerance for which of the following? a) Inmates dying on her watch. b) Guards roughing up inmates and spraying them with mace for no reason. c) Strategies to get around city procurement laws. d) Dissent. 45. What momentous event occurred on February 3 that caused Missourians to celebrate so gleefully that they started spending more than $1.2 million a day on their new favorite thing?

c) Michael Brown Sr. d) Bibi Netanyahu 49. Why was former St. Louis County Prosecuting Attorney Bob McCulloch in the news in 2023? a) He decided to challenge Wesley Bell after Bell announced a bid against Cori Bush. b) He wanted to remind people of what a real man looks like. c) He shared new regrets about his use of the death penalty, noting that mental health struggles can affect many families. d) His son allegedly shot up a Kirkwood trunk or treat, terrorizing families.

43. “This is why Republicans lose elections. Dems are destroying our cities, mutilating our kids, trampling our rights and defunding our police — but [Missouri Governor Mike Parson] is worried about being nice. What a joke.” Why was wingnut state Senator Bill Eigel more unhinged than usual?

a) The state lowered the minimum age to five to buy assault weapons.

50. What material did the city of St. Louis admit to previously using for its street signs, leading to instances of the signs being bisected or bending in the wind?

b) OnlyFans announced an initiative to promote remote learning.

a) Brick. b) Papier mache.

c) The state repealed all laws banning bestiality.

c) A “hardened plastic corrugated material.”

a) Parson had a friendly dinner with a group of Black people.

d) Recreational weed became legal in Missouri.

44. Oke Opeoluwa, a fiscal operations sup-

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a) “Circuit Attorney Gardner believes the issues in our criminal justice system often relate to our broken healthcare system.”

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Answer Key

d) Parson had a friendly dinner with a friend of a friend who is friends with a Democrat.

1.b 2.c 3.b 4.b 5.d 6.b 7.c 8.d 9.c 10.b 11.d 12.c 13.a 14.c 15.c 16.a 17.c 18.c 19.b 20.d 21.c 22.d 23.a 24.d 25.c 26.b 27.c 28.a 29.a 30.c 31.c 32.b 33.c 34.b 35.d 36.b 37.d 38.c 39.a 40.c 41.d 42.b 43.c 44.d 45.d 46.d 47.c 48.c 49.d 50.c.

c) Parson had a friendly dinner with Democratic Kansas Governor Laura Kelly.

46. Which of the following statements was not part of Circuit Attorney Kim Gardner’s spokeswoman’s response to the RFT’s questions about her enrollment in an advanced nursing program during her tenure as the city’s top prosecutor?

Thanks for playing, better luck next year!

b) Parson had a friendly dinner with a group of individuals who had not been vetted as being straight.

d) The blood and tears of pedestrians.

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CALENDAR

BY RIVERFRONT TIMES STAFF

THURSDAY 12/28 A Run-By Fruiting Given that staging Mrs. Doubtfire is, perhaps, now a crime in some states thanks to the transphobic culture warriors who insist on clogging up the gears of our politics, the production coming to Fox Theater (527 North Grand Boulevard) should present the rarest of rare fun: wholesome family entertainment that also may be on the wrong side of the law, depending on where you are in the country. The original 1993 film starring Robin Williams, Sally Field and Pierce Brosnan was a seminal film for many a Millennial’s childhood, introducing a whole generation of kids to the joy that is House of Pain’s “Jump Around” and the disguising effects of a pie pan filled with whipped cream. The musical version has gotten rave reviews and is the perfect show to take your kids or your parents or just yourself to this holiday season. The show runs Tuesday through Sunday until January 7. Show times vary by day of the week and tickets start at just $25. More info at fabulousfox.com.

SATURDAY 12/30 Invasion Evasion If you have to work on New Year’s Day, or you’re just plain uninterested in taking your life into your own hands by driving the streets of St. Louis on Amateur Night, the End of the World Party at Heavy Anchor (5226 Gravois Avenue) is the New Year’s celebration for you. The pre-New Year’s Eve party is a costumed affair, with the theme being an invasion of robots and aliens that threatens to end all life as we know it. Accordingly, guests are encouraged to dress like the invaders in order to avoid detection. Any excuse for a costume party, amiright? This free event kicks off at 8 p.m., and will include musical entertainment by the one and only Tilda Sweatin’. For more details, visit theheavyanchor.com.

RIVERFRONT TIMES

In its inimitable style, south city is preparing for the end of the world by dressing like robots (or aliens) and drinking heavily. | VIA FLICKR/NYM

SUNDAY 12/31 Seize the Day Those who would prefer to be tucked into their beds by midnight rather than let the Champagne fly have multiple chances to celebrate 2023 and ring in the new year at the Fountain on Locust (3037 Locust Street). First off, the Midtown retro soda fountain and cafe is throwing a Noon Year’s Eve party in the afternoon for a truly family-friendly celebration. Each guest will get a flight of mocktails, three shareable appetizers for the table and a flight of ice cream, as well as a sparkling cider toast at the end of the meal. Additionally, each table will get some New Year’s Eve goodies and a jar of hot fudge to take home. A two-person table is $100, a four-person is $200 and a six-person is $300. Festivities run from noon to 2 p.m. Rather get started a little later? The Early Bird New Year’s has you covered. From 4:30 to 6:30 p.m. the Fountain’s gorgeous Art Deco dining

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room will be filled with live music from St. Louis’ own Vallie Golde as guests enjoy a flight of desserts, a flight of signature Fountain on Locust cocktails (or mocktails), three small-plate shareables per couple and one bottle of Champagne to take home. A two-person table is $150, a four-person is $300 and a six-person is $450 plus gratuity. Reserve a table for either event by visiting fountainonlocust.com.

though if you find yourself prone to motion sickness you probably won’t wanna overdo it with the alcoholic libations. This 21-andolder cruise runs from 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. and boards 30 minutes prior to departure. Tickets are $110 each and can be purchased at gatewayarch.com/experience/ riverboat-cruises.

Arch (50 South Leonor K Sullivan Boulevard) always offer a unique way to experience the gigantic waterway upon whose shores our city is nestled, but there’s perhaps no better event to do so than the New Year’s Eve Party Cruise. Here, you can leave all of the concerns of the mainland behind as you dress your best and enjoy complimentary domestic beer and house wine, hors d’oeuvres, dessert, a live DJ and dancing. At midnight, guests will also toast with Champagne,

It almost doesn’t need to be said that the end of the year is replete with too many festivities. By the time the New Year’s Eve countdown rolls around, most of us have had enough. Sure, some people make it out for one last decadent meal on January 1, generally of the brunch variety. But those people aren’t most people. The rest of us want to recover our bodies and sanity and turn to refreshing things like green juice and long walks in the crisp but probably not freezing St. Louis air. Another op-

MONDAY 01/01 Rollin’ on the River New Year, Old Art The Riverboats at the Gateway

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WEEK OF DECEMBER 28-JANUARY 3

This week is your last chance to see SLAM’s big hip-hop exhibit. | COURTESY SAINT LOUIS ART MUSEUM

Mrs. Doubtfire takes the stage in a traveling show coming to the Fox. | COURTESY PHOTO ees, all fried and free, and expects to run it. Why not help with that? The festivities (testivities?) start at 11 a.m. and don’t end until closing time at 2 a.m. Activities include a “testicle toss,” live music and prizes throughout the day. Admission is free. See more info at facebook. com/trsplacebelleville.

WEDNESDAY 01/03 Game Plan

Leave all of the concerns of the mainland behind this December 31 with the New Year’s Eve Party Cruise. | VIA FLICKR/TRACY HUNTER tion is to stimulate the mind, and one excellent way to do so is to visit the Saint Louis Art Museum (1 Fine Arts Drive), which is actually going to be open from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on the first day of the year. If you’re interested in perusing the museum’s outstanding permanent collection, we might suggest visiting some of Max Beckmann’s works. Part of the New Objectivity school, the German painter made some serious St. Louis ties, eventually taking a job at Wash U’s art school. Another great option is grabbing a ticket to special

exhibit The Culture: Hip Hop and Contemporary Art in the 21st Century, which will be in its very last day. Or perhaps you prefer to just stroll around aimlessly. Whatever option you go with, it’s a good choice to set the mood for 2024. Admission is free. For more info on all of the Saint Louis Art Museum’s offerings, visit slam.org.

Nuts to This Do you like to eat testicles? No? How about battered, seasoned and fried testes? If that still sounds

unappealing, know that TR’s Place (4901 Concordia Church Road, Belleville) cooks their nuts perfectly. The southern Illinois dive loves cowboy caviar so much, it throws a huge party each year dedicated to the noble act of eating balls. Take a bite out of both the new year and some poor bull bastard’s reproductive organs at this year’s Testicle Festival on Monday, January 1. The manager at TR’s Place tells the RFT the event is highly anticipated by patrons every year. She’s ordered 150 pounds of bull nuts that will be given to attend-

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The week after New Year’s Day is often the quietest one of the year — everyone’s partied out, no bands are coming through town and even the comedians are staying home nursing their hangovers. What’s an extrovert to do? Why, head to Beffa’s (2700 Olive Street), naturally. The Downtown West landmark has a new menu (Honey Bee’s Biscuits has taken over daytime service) and new vitality in its venerable bar. On Wednesday, January 3, it’s also hosting Music Bingo, which is kind of like the game your grandma used to hunker over in the church basement, only with music (and undoubtedly fewer chain-smoking seniors). It’s free to play, so why not pop over, grab a bingo card and get after it? The fun kicks off at 6:30 p.m. Details at facebook. com/events/881248423653847. n

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CAFE

Every dish that comes out of the kitchen at Wright’s Tavern is the perfect iteration of its form. | MABEL SUEN

The Best New Restaurants of 2023 Critic Cheryl Baehr looks back at a year of great food, dining and service — one last time Written by

CHERYL BAEHR

en years ago, I sat down to write my first-ever Best New Restaurants roundup as a brand-new critic dazzled by all of the thrilling places I’d had the pleasure of getting to know as I found my footing and

familiarized myself with the state of St. Louis food. Now, a decade later, I know much more about the people and players who make the region’s food community what it is, but I am as awestruck as ever. This year’s crop of restaurants (which is limited for our purposes here to those places I reviewed in 2023) is a remarkable one that cannot be defined by one trend or genre, but instead underscores how many interesting voices we have in our food scene. There are veteran restaurateurs, newcomers and people showing St. Louis new cuisines. Some have created showstopping bastions of fine dining, others are fast-casual spots, but what they have in common is that their chefs, owners and staff use their platforms to tell a unique story of who they are and what matters most to them — one that’s based on an unrelenting passion for food.

This will be my last Best New Restaurants list for the Riverfront Times. As my time as its critic draws to a close, I can’t feel anything other than fortunate to have had such an important platform — one that I have always felt has less to do with food and everything to do with the people behind the places where we have the pleasure of eating. Getting to share their stories has been one of the biggest joys of my life — one I will never forget, and one that has made my life, and hopefully yours, infinitely more delicious. 1. Wright’s Tavern Once in a blue moon, that rare restaurant comes along that becomes such a vital part of the St. Louis dining scene out of the gate, you have a hard time remembering life without it. Perhaps the last time that happened was with Matt McGuire’s DeMun masterpiece, Louie. Five

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years later, the esteemed restaurateur has repeated that feat with Wright’s Tavern (7624 Wydown Road, Clayton), an eatery that is nominally a neighborhood steakhouse but feels more like an epic dinner party where everyone is a treasured guest. McGuire’s unparalleled hospitality could carry the place, but it stands on equal footing with the magnificent food brought to life by the brilliant Cary McDowell. If McGuire is the standard bearer for hospitality in St. Louis, McDowell is that for the culinary side of the business. A veteran chef whose resume includes some of the most acclaimed restaurants in St. Louis — and the country — McDowell is unmatched in his skill, delivering the perfect form of each and every dish that comes out of the kitchen. His Caesar salad, onion rings, potatoes dauphinoise and flawlessly cooked steaks demon-

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Continued on pg 26

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Dishes at Mainlander stir the soul — even a humble plate of green beans. | MABEL SUEN

Sado proves it’s possible to get world-class sushi in this landlocked city. | MABEL SUEN

BEST NEWCOMERS Continued from pg 25

strate his mastery of his craft. His crab cake is unquestionably the best in St. Louis — the only one you’d dare serve to a discerning Marylander — and the French dip sandwich, studded with garlic and served with mouthwatering jus, may be the menu’s biggest sleeper. This is perfection on every single level. 2. Mainlander I hesitate to call Mainlander (8 South Euclid Avenue) a time capsule. On the one hand, so much of its beauty lies in the transportive, nostalgic vibe of both the food and the space, which makes you feel as if you have stepped into a mid-century dinner party at your parents’ friends’ home. The decor alone — velvet nail-and-string ship art, vintage tiki glasses in a sleek hutch, low-lying couches and metal Jell-O molds — is positively immersive, and is matched by the beautifully executed food, which often winks at 1960s and 1970s classics like ambrosia salad and beef Wellington. While this nostalgia is a significant part of its charm, Mainlander simultaneously feels like the most modern restaurant to open in recent memory: The entire experience is unlike anything else offered in the area. Credit goes to owner Blake Askew, a relative newcomer to St. Louis’ dining scene but a veteran chef whose impressive background working at top restaurants throughout the country gave him the skills to pull off such a unique place. The mid-century motif is no gimmick to hide behind, but rather an organizing principle to pull off such magi-

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1929 Pizza & Wine manages to produce a Neapolitan-like thin crust that’s also crispy and substantial. | BRADEN MCMAKIN cal dishes as a spaetzle mac and cheese with sweet potatoes and funky local cheddar that stirs the soul, or a char siu pork steak that is cooked so beautifully, you’ll forget about the backyard Maull’s classic. Askew’s partner Gordon Chen is also a key component of Mainlander’s success, serving as the consummate host and lending his Taiwanese culinary traditions to some of Mainlander’s most thrilling dishes (those mushroom dumplings!). A throwback and one of the most innovative restaurants in recent memory — it takes a special touch to excel at both. 3. Sado Six years ago, Nick Bognar re-

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turned to St. Louis and his culinary roots, recasting a beloved west county mainstay, the late Nippon Tei, as more than just a great sushi spot and transforming our idea of what is possible in this landlocked, Midwestern city. Sado (5201 Shaw Avenue) is the natural outgrowth of Bognar’s vision — a restaurant that feels as if it’s what the brilliant chef was always meant to be doing. At this Nippon Tei successor (the west county storefront closed last December), Bognar shows us that, yes, it is possible to get world-class sushi in St. Louis, and he dazzles at every turn with melt-in-themouth, delectable seafood delights that set the bar for the form.

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However, Sado excels equally at its hot and cold tastings, including the chawanmushi, a luscious seafood custard that is one of the most decadent bites offered in the bi-state area — a magical offering from one of the country’s brightest culinary stars. 4. Levels Nigerian Cuisine Ever since he moved to St. Louis from Lagos, Nigeria, as a teenager, Ono Ikanone dreamed of opening a place where he could share his country’s cuisine and culture with his adopted hometown. That vision has been realized in the dazzling Levels Nigerian Cuisine (1405 Washington Avenue), a vibrant and transportive showcase

Illinois) lies in the beautiful marriage of Matt’s baking prowess and Amy’s culinary genius, which results in a crust that manages to get the thinness of a Neapolitan-style pizza in the center while remaining crunchy on the bottom; its outside edges are leopard-spotted and puffy like the classic version, but they rise a little higher and have a bit more heft and depth of rustic flavor. It’s a perfect canvas for Amy’s outstanding toppings, such as the fiery sausage and peppers, a fantastic pepperoni and a decadent masterpiece of a four-cheese pizza that should make all other cheese pizzas hang their heads in shame.

Chef-owner Tim Eagan’s Fleur STL is an elevated concept yet captures that classic diner feel. | MABEL SUEN of the pure joy that is the thrilling West African food tradition. Ikanone, his wife and business partner Justice Johnson and executive chef Ruqaiya Adeyemo are fearless in their commitment to doing things just as they are done in Nigeria; though they say they have tempered the spice for the American palate, expect a heat that still electrifies your taste buds — in the best way possible. The jollof rice — a particularly special memory from Ikanone’s childhood and a staple of Nigerian culture — is a standout, as is the glorious pepper soup with tender goat meat, one of the most soul-stirring stews you’ll find in town. Enjoying these culinary delights as Afrobeats music videos play and West African art and photographs capture your eyes is nothing short of magical. 5. 1929 Pizza & Wine Not all that long ago, Wood River’s historic downtown was little more than a collection of buildings in various states of disrepair — including the burnt-out shell husband and wife Matt and Amy Herren were talked into taking over and converting into a pizzeria. Thanks to their skill in creating both delicious food and a community gathering place, the Herrens have turned that once-forgotten district into one of the bi-state area’s essential destinations for wood-fired pizza. The key to the success of 1929 Pizza & Wine (7 North River Avenue, Wood River,

The spice at Levels Nigerian Cuisine will electrify your taste buds in the best way. | MABEL SUEN

The handmade noodles at Vicini Pastaria have the perfect texture and chew. | SARAH LOVETT

6. Fleur STL A lot of eyebrows raised when chef Tim Eagan announced he would be turning the beloved St. Louis greasy spoon Eat-Rite into an elevated diner concept. It seemed like sacrilege, but any doubts flew out the window once Eagan started putting out his marvelous food. The new Fleur STL (622 Chouteau Avenue) still has that classic diner feel, though now it’s polished. This also applies to Eagan’s wonderful service — on any given day he’s cooking, serving and chatting with guests as he goes — as well as the food, which includes an artful (but still satisfying) rendition of a slinger, excellent biscuits and gravy and a double cheeseburger that will knock your socks off. There isn’t a more worthy successor to such an iconic place. 7. Vicini Pastaria Part of the charm of Vicini Pastaria (1916 Park Avenue) is in the space itself. Tucked into a gorgeous Lafayette Square storefront, the small, counter-service restaurant feels equal parts Venetian salon and Tuscan farmhouse kitchen. It’s a stunning setting for chef and owner Dawn Wilson’s wonderful, pasta-focused Italian cuisine — something she has been perfecting for decades, ever since she fell in love with the Italian way of eating while honing her craft in that country’s slow-foodfocused establishments. Pasta is the backbone of everything she does at Vicini; all of her noodles are handmade so that they have the perfect texture and chew, just as it’s done in the old country. Her specialty is pici, a hand-rolled Tuscan-style noodle similar to a thick spaghetti. Used in either cacio e pepe or, when she has it, slicked with verdant pesto, it’s a soul-stirring reminder of why small-batch, simple Italian cuisine Continued on pg 28

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My Marie highlights Haiti’s rich culinary tradition on Cherokee Street. | MABEL SUEN

Bagel Union demonstrates the simple joys of a bagel done right. | MABEL SUEN

BEST NEWCOMERS Continued from pg 27

is one of life’s biggest thrills. 8. My Marie Marie Louis-Jeune has been cooking since she was five years old and living in Port-au-Prince, Haiti, first as a way to help out around the house after her mother passed away and eventually as a way to support her family through her obvious culinary gifts. You can taste this deep experience and undeniable, inherent talent in her cooking at My Marie (3147 Cherokee Street), which opened in south city this September after a four-year run in Cape Girardeau. Louis-Jeune makes the sort of soul-stirring food that feels passed down through generations. Oxtails come off the bone with just the slightest fork prod and bob in a jus so rich it’s as if you distilled the entire idea of how beef should taste, while handmade patties embody Haiti’s quintessential street food. Every last dish tells the story of the country’s rich culinary traditions — one that Louis-Jeune has made a page-turner. 9. Deli Divine Ben Poremba’s restaurants are wonderful. He serves delicious food and drinks and always offers great hospitality. However, what makes them so special — as in the case of Deli Divine (5501 Delmar Boulevard) — is that he puts his heart and soul into making immersive experiences, creating little worlds that tell a rich story of food, yes, but of who we are as a people. This is what I found most striking about Deli Divine. Granted, I had some wonderful items — bagels, schmear and lox are as traditional as you’d find in

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Deli Divine’s impeccable New York-style Jewish deli vibes are a testament to owner Ben Poremba’s prowess as a storyteller. | MABEL SUEN a New York City Jewish deli; fatslicked, peppery pastrami on rye with mustard is the quintessence of the form; and the souffle-like kugel feels like you are eating at Grandma’s house — but what impressed me most about this vital restaurant and shop is how perfectly Poremba and his team are able to bring to life such an important part of American Jewish food culture. This is not a take on a New York-style Jewish deli. This is a New York-style Jewish deli, through and through. That we have such a place in St. Louis is testament to his undeniable gift, not simply as a restaurateur but as a storyteller.

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10. Bagel Union Last year around this time, St. Louis bagel lovers were lamenting the loss of what was considered the last great bagel shop in town, the Bagel Factory. Now, we are awash in the wonderful, boiled delicacies, with fantastic shops having sprung up all over town this past year (Deli Divine, Lefty’s, C&B Boiled Bagels), as if there was some sort of culinary zeitgeist that inspired such a pursuit. Leading the pack is Bagel Union (8705 Big Bend Boulevard, Webster Groves), the sophomore effort from the brilliant bread minds of Union Loafers, which demonstrates the simple joy of a

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bagel done right. The shop is, of course, anchored by its classic bagels, which nail the chewy interior and crispy exterior that defines an exceptional (and classic) product. However, just as Union Loafers dazzles as much for its cafe fare as its wonderful bread, Bagel Union’s delicious, composed bagel sandwiches are where it shines the brightest. These include a delicious spicy tuna salad, great egg salad and the outstanding openfaced salmon roe, which consists of pea-sized salmon eggs, luscious cream cheese, fresh dill and pickled shallots — a beautiful array of flavors befitting such a great bagel foundation. n

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DECEMBER 27, 2023-JANUARY 9, 2024

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SHORT ORDERS [DRINKS NEWS]

Sexy Disco Dive Dream Golden Gems’ new bar, Hidden Gem, opens its doors in Midtown Written by

PAULA TREDWAY

idtown’s new Hidden Gem (3118 Locust Street; instagram.com/hiddengemstl) is the perfect dive bar to live out your pink, disco fantasies. Lucky for you, it’s finally open to the public. Walking into the 3,500-squarefoot space, you’ll be transported back to one of the most iconic, empowering eras for the feminist movement — that’s right: It’s the ’70s, but pink. There’s a 60-foot pink-glitter resin bar, custom pink wraparound booths and a photo booth, as well as an upstairs carpeted conversation pit and back room that will be available for private rentals. And, of course, accents of flash tattoos,

Hidden Gem is Midtown St. Louis’ new 3,500-square-foot disco dive bar off Locus Street. | CHRIS BAUER feminist protest art and almost 300 disco balls. Think disco dive bar in Nicki Minaj’s Gag City. It’s the latest project of sisters Amanda Helman and Susan Logsdon. The duo decided to expand their business, Golden Gems — a lifestyle brand that designs and sells accessories, apparel and home goods, many sporting cheeky, empowering slogans such as “don’t call me baby” or “wicked woman” — into St. Louis’ vibrant bar scene after seeing so much success with their retail spaces. “It’s been like a pipe dream for a long time, something that we

never thought we’d actually do,” Helman says. “We opened our Foundry location and then our west county location, and seeing the response to our brand there, we knew St. Louis would get behind our wild disco dream of Hidden Gem.” The two reached out to their Midtown landlord about available spaces in the neighborhood. “When we got off work and wanted to go to happy hour, it was really hard to find a place around here,” Helman says. That’s when their disco fever dream began. “We really want this to be an why Annie Gunn’s (16806 Chesterfield Airport Road, Chesterfield; anniegunns. com) is one of the area’s most difficult reservations to secure.

CHERYL BAEHR’S

Wright’s Tavern Leave it to esteemed restaurant veterans Matt McGuire and Cary McDowell to show us what it means to do a steakhouse in the most perfect, quintessential way. The pair have nailed the notion of a neighborhood steak spot with Wright’s Tavern (7624 Wydown Boulevard, Clayton, wrightswydown.com), which is anchored by four delectable cuts — sirloin, strip, ribeye and filet — that are always cooked flawlessly and served in one of the most hospitalityfocused dining rooms around.

While recent years have seen the St. Louis restaurant scene go far beyond its meatand-potatoes reputation, the area remains, at its heart, a place where a great steak will always win the day. As such, you can get a great piece of meat at a multitude of area restaurants, but these five are a cut above the rest.

Annie Gunn’s The house that chef Lou Rook built has been the gold standard of steaks and fine dining in the area for decades — for good reason. These flawless steaks, cooked precisely to your requested temperature every time and served with those legendary whipped Yukon gold potatoes, are so good you understand

STEAK PICKS

Twisted Tree Once upon a time, there was a hunting lodge restaurant known for its fried lobster tails, delectable onion rings and fantastic dry-aged steaks. After burning to the ground several years ago, the old Pear Tree Inn was reincarnated as Twisted Tree (10701 Watson Road, Sunset Hills; twistedtreesteakhouse.com), an allaround outstanding restaurant known for its wonderful sides, mouthwatering salad dressing, wedding cake and, of course, its steaks. The dry-aged strip might be one of the best bites of meat you’ll have the pleasure of eating in your lifetime. Tucker’s Place There’s something to be said for the sort of steakhouse where you can roll

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inclusive space that we can bring people in and really build a great community and atmosphere,” Logsdon says. “We love a good dive bar, so we wanted to kind of keep that aesthetic with some elevated elements to it.” That includes the bar’s approach to drinks. “I was immediately inspired by Golden Gems as a brand, and that was really my starting point when creating our menu,” says bar manager Tiffany Kaltenbach in a statement. “Think of the approachability of your favorite neighborhood dive bar, with a strong emphasis on local products and housemade ingredients to breathe some life into older classics.” The menu will feature 14 signature cocktails and mocktails, including the Disco Gin Bucket (presented in a hollowed-out disco ball and ready to serve up to six people), the Gay Water (an upscale vodka cranberry with fresh lime juice and a rainbow candy garnish), the Boot Scootin’ Boogie (draft beer and a shot of whiskey in boot glassware) and the Barbie With a Buzz Cut (a tequila espresso martini served on draft). “I love Gay Water,” Helman says. “It’s so fun with a little airhead thing on top; it’s really cute. I’m also excited about all of our N/A options.” Hidden Gem will be open from 4 p.m. to 1:30 a.m Tuesday through Saturday. n up in jeans and a T-shirt, tuck into a foilwrapped baked potato and rolls, and be guaranteed to get a juicy, perfectly cooked steak every damn time. Tucker’s Place (multiple locations including 2117 South 12th Street, tuckersplace.com) may not be the fanciest steakhouse in town, but what it lacks in pretentiousness it makes up for in taste — and what a taste that house steak sauce is. Citizen Kane’s A beloved jewel of the Kirkwood community for 30 years, Citizen Kane’s (133 West Clinton Place, Kirkwood; citizenkanes.com) is known for its quaint, old-school vibe and some of the best prime steaks you’ll find in the metro area. You won’t go wrong with any of the cuts, but the standout is the Delmonico ribeye, a bone-in, beautifully marbled masterpiece, cooked so that it’s perfectly charred around the edges, as God intended.

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RIVERFRONT TIMES

[DRINKS]

Cherokee Street’s Hottest Bar Is a Lock Shop You can have a key made at the bar and a drink made by a locksmith at Clements Written by

PAULA TREDWAY

y day, Clements Lock & Security is Gravois Park’s locksmith stop, but on Thursday nights after 4 p.m. it transforms into Clements Bar (2626 Cherokee Street). The rustic key and lock shop makes for a quirky watering hole for those who want a unique night on the town. And the story of how it came to be is just as idiosyncratic — part necessity, part creativity and part history. It all started when Jason Deem bought the locksmith shop five years ago after the former owner, Joe Clements, passed away. “I wanted to keep the locksmith business operating in the neighborhood,” Deem says. “There was one other locksmith in the neighborhood, Bates Lock & Key, that had just closed, so if Clements was going to close, there would be no other locksmith in the area.” Joe and Paula Clements originally

[ROUNDUP]

Beers Worth a Detour The top Missouri and Southern Illinois craft brews of 2023 Written by

TONY REHAGEN

ave the Champagne for midnight, there’s only kind of bubbles I want on New Year’s Eve. With beer, you can spend the whole day closing out the year, cruising through the College Football Playoffs in the afternoon and evening, good to go for the countdown to midnight and maybe even have enough fuel to party a couple hours into 2024. So consider my year-end beer roundup a guide to where you can pick up some of the best beer in Missouri and southern Illinois on your way to wherever you plan to celebrate. (They’re also worth a little day trip there and back if you just want to watch the ball drop from home.) KC Bier Co. Schwarzbier — By now you’ve no doubt seen these uniform red

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Jason Deem purchased Clements Lock & Security five years ago. After struggling to break even, he decided to open the shop as a bar on Thursday nights and quickly drew large crowds. | EMILY HOOD opened Clements Lock & Key at 3011 Arsenal Street in 1973. The shop initially employed eight full-time locksmiths but, over time, was reduced to Joe, Paula and a longtime employee, Scott Brouk. In 2018, after Deem purchased the business, it moved to its current location in the old Globe Drugs building and changed its name to Clements Lock & Security. Brouk now runs the shop. “It’s a great asset for the neighborhood,” Deem says. “But it was kind of struggling to break even, and I wanted to keep this thing going.” That’s when Deem had the idea to get a liquor license for Clements.

“[The space] has a great feel to it, and it really feels nice and cozy at night,” Deem says. “I was like, you know, it’d be great to open this up as a bar. So I figured, why not get a liquor license and try it? I figured some government agency would say, ‘You can’t do that,’ but I figured we’d just keep putting one foot in front of the other and see how far it goes.” Though he considers it more of an experiment than a speakeasy, Deem says he liked the idea that it doesn’t read like a bar but like a lock shop. At night on Thursdays, Clements’ wall of keys acts as a mesmerizing piece of artwork surrounded by plywood, old key machines

boxes of old-school glass bottles from Kansas City throughout the STL metro (they’re now available all over Missouri and Kansas). But don’t let the understated packaging fool you: KC Bier Co. has grown into a nationally recognized master of German-style lagers. This naturally carbonated, cold-lagered beauty is a roasty and warm treat.

Ebb & Flow Fermentations Blastbeets — One doesn’t automatically associate Cape Girardeau with art and adventure. But the folks at Ebb & Flow are doing their best to change that, at least as far as beer is concerned. You rarely find the same beer twice here, as wild fermentation with housemade yeast blends produces all sorts of wondrous flavors. Case in point: This tart and earthy blonde ale aged on beets. Trust me, it’s delicious.

Broadway Brewing Blubber Chubber — This subterranean CoMo brewery has emerged on the main drag in recent years as one of the state’s most reliable brands outside the major metros. That goes double when it comes to its hazy IPAs. The Blubber Chubber, dry-hopped with Citra, Sabro and Riwaka hops, is particularly refreshing. Last Flight Pineapple Habanero IPA — Jefferson City has long been wanting for a craft-beer destination, and finally Last Flight has answered the call. In just under three years, the brewery has spread its wings to offer solid-to-exceptional versions of just about every style. When I was looking for a little sweet heat last summer, this habanero IPA hit the spot, but the brewery pours everything from a Dubbelstyle Sturmbier to the Key Lime Pie in the Sky Berliner Weisse to the Splash Hog dill pickle sour.

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Banter Brewing Tryptich Series Base Dunkelweizen — One of the secrets of southside Springfield, Missouri, Banter is gradually building a name for its rotating (and fast-selling) Tryptich series. The word comes from the Romans’ concept of a tablet with three waxed leaves bound together, and likewise the brewery produces three variants of a beer or style that are meant to be enjoyed together. For instance, this wheat series came with oak-smoked walnut and Belgian candy sugar variants, but the malty, true-tostyle base was good enough on its own. Stubborn German Bourbon BarrelAged Black Forest Cake Stout — Known for hoisting steins of authentic malt-forward German-style lagers, Stubborn German brewery of Waterloo, Illinois, also has a sweet tooth. From

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and other reclaimed items from the store’s past, as well as Globe’s old pharmacy counter and bookshelves. As of now, the bar sells a selection of beer (4 Hands’ Parker Pilsner, Incarnation IPA and Chocolate Milk Stout; Earthbound Brewing’s All Purpose Pilz; Peroni; Coors Banquet; Budweiser; Busch and Busch N/A), wine (Parts & Labor red blend and CMS sauvignon blanc) and whiskey (Switchgrass Spirits’ Gold Dust). The offerings are also available to daytime customers. “It’s very simple,” Deem adds. “We’re not doing fancy cocktails or anything like that.” Clements Bar is open Thursday from 4 p.m. to midnight, and Clements Lock & Security is open 10 a.m. to 4 p.m Monday through Friday. n

orange-chocolate to coconut-cinnamon to German chocolate cake, you can find holiday desserts in its cans. This one is a sinfully delightful imperial stout aged in Stumpy’s bourbon barrels with dark cherries, cocoa and vanilla that will put Aunt Flora’s fruit cake to shame. Engrained Brewing Lokal Hop — Honestly, this beer was a little too grainy for me, but I’m in love with the concept. This Springfield, Illinois, brewpub makes this American IPA with 100 percent Illinoisgrown Cascade hops. Which is pretty amazing, since most of the world’s hops are grown in the Pacific Northwest. Can’t say I’ve ever mistaken Southern Illinois for the verdant and mountainous Yakima Valley. But it’s a hell of a lot closer. Burnt Barrel Meadery Barrel-Aged Basement — For something a little closer to wine, or to impress history-minded relatives, try mead, the ancient art of fermenting honey water. Lake St. Louis’ Burnt Barrel aged this black currant and pomegranate mead with vanilla in rum barrels. The result is a layered experience of dark fruit, sweet honey and just a touch of char from the wood. And if the 14.5 percent alcohol is too much for you, check out the meadery’s new line of much lighter session meads. n

REEFERFRONT TIMES [ R E G U L AT I O N S ]

Coming After Hemp Two bills aim to regulate hemp-derived cannabinoids, such as delta-8, just like weed Written by

MONICA OBRADOVIC

nregulated cannabis products would no longer be found in gas stations or on convenience store shelves if two Missouri legislators get their way next session. State Representative Chad Perkins (R-Bowling Green) and Senator Nick Schroer (R-St. Charles County) have both filed bills that would bar products containing hemp-derived THC products, or any “intoxicating cannabinoids,” from being sold anywhere other than licensed marijuana dispensaries. The bills are the latest effort to close a loophole that allows THC derived from hemp, not marijuana, to be sold in stores in Missouri. Legislators have specifically taken aim at delta-8 THC, which can get a person high in concentrated amounts. Products containing the compound have been banned in at least 17 states and restricted in 7 more as the federal government figures out how to regulate it. Safety concerns aren’t over delta-8 itself but what other ingredients the unregulated products could contain, such as heavy metals. “This legislation provides consumer protections in a portion of the industry that has very little consumer protection,” Perkins tells the RFT. Perkins’ and Schroer’s bills would allow the state to regulate delta-8 or any so-called cannabinoids that activate the same receptors as delta-9 THC, the active ingredient in marijuana. Products containing these substances would move under the same regulatory umbrella as marijuana — and only businesses licensed under Missouri’s marijuana pro-

Delta-8 is a cannabis-industry craze, even as it’s currently in a state of legal limbo. | TOMMY CHIMS gram could sell them. So if a local smoke or vape shop, for example, currently sells delta-8 products, it would have to stop if either of the bills pass. Critics of Perkins’ and Schroer’s bills believe the measures are less about consumer protection and more about limiting competition for Missouri’s “marijuana monopoly.” A similar bill last session received the same criticism. It didn’t go further than one hearing. “These bills are being pushed under the guise of protecting consumers, but it’s really being done to lock in profits for the marijuana industry,” says lobbyist and Missouri Hemp Trade Association Executive Director Courtney Curtis. But Schroer pushes back on this notion. He says his bill has nothing to do with removing competition from a free market and everything to do with consumer safety. “My district, like many others throughout the state, has been plagued with constituents using products sold in ‘head shops’ and gas stations that resulted in them being placed in their local emergency room,” Schroer writes in an email to the RFT. “Constituents have shared stories with me about the horrific side effects either themselves or their children have experienced when purchasing certain unregulated products.” Schroer did not respond to a follow-up email asking for specifics on what side effects his constituents experienced. Curtis says he’s all for regulations, but these proposals aren’t it. “The sheer reality of what’s being presented is just to lock in the

practice of the marijuana industry,” Curtis says. What is hemp-derived THC, anyway? Hemp and marijuana come from the same species of plants, Cannabis sativa. The main difference between the two lies in how much THC they have. Marijuana contains the most THC, the psychoactive compound responsible for weed’s “high” effects. Hemp contains practically no THC: less than 0.3 percent. What hemp does have, however, is lots of CBD, a non-psychotropic compound. While the vast majority of hemp is used for industrial purposes (it can be processed into hemp oil, plastics, clothing, paper and more), manufacturers harness hemp’s CBD to produce concentrated amounts of delta-8 THC. In Missouri, most vendors put an age minimum on delta-8 purchases, but there’s currently no law that would stop a child or teenager from buying the products at businesses where they’re currently sold. It’s legal due to the 2018 Farm Bill that removed hemp from the DEA’s schedule of controlled substances and legalized any of hemp’s derivatives. Since the bill effectively legalized everything that wasn’t delta-9 THC, a craze for delta-8 — which brings about a cheaper albeit less intoxicating high — followed. But the surge in use came with concerns about safety and consumer protections. Delta-8 is a lesser-studied cannabinoid that is outside of the FDA’s scope. While

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it’s thought that delta-8 is no more dangerous than delta-9, last May the FDA warned against delta-8 products after an uptick in “adverse events” were reported. A few companies have come under fire for selling delta-8 products in packaging mimicking popular brands, such as Doritos and Jolly Rancher. At the very least, Missouri’s proposals for regulating all intoxicating cannabinoids would introduce uniform taxation across all cannabis products. “Surprisingly, many intoxicating cannabis items sold at places like gas stations and vape shops have been bypassing these essential safety tests and tax contributions,” says Hippos Cannabis CEO Nicholas Rinella. The bills will close loopholes and ensure “both consumer safety and proper financial support for important state funds, particularly those aiding veterans.” As far as safety goes, Curtis, executive director of Missouri Hemp Trade Association, says the hemp industry already performs rigorous testing. “We do more testing than the marijuana industry as a whole,” Curtis says. “And if you’ve noticed with some of the issues that have come up this year, the marijuana industry already uses hemp-derived products to make more money.” Earlier this year, Robertsville company Delta Extraction was at the center of a massive marijuana recall over allegations that the company imported marijuana into the state. But the company said it actually imported a hemp product from Florida and converted it into delta-9 THC in Missouri. The state revoked Delta Extraction’s license in November. The crackdown on Delta Extraction has raised the question of whether state authorities have the right to prohibit the infusion of hemp-derived THC in marijuana products. The upcoming legislative session will be “vastly different” in regard to cannabis as more legislators become knowledgeable about THC products, Schroer says. He cited the controversy surrounding Delta Extraction. “My legislation is a strong starting point in addressing these issues, but I am fully aware that it is likely to be amended as it makes its way through the legislative process,” Schroer says. n

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RIVERFRONT TIMES

CULTURE premier tickets are $75, premier tickets are $65 and reserved tickets are $55.

[FESTIVITIES]

Ring in 2024

New Year’s Eve Featuring Trixie Delight at Hollywood Casino & Hotel St. Louis Dance the night away at this rockin’ New Year’s Eve party hosted by Hollywood Casino & Hotel St. Louis (777 Casino Center Drive, Maryland Heights), where Trixie Delight will play songs from the best bands of the 1970s, ’80s and ’90s. The event will take place in the Nightclub starting at 9 p.m. Tickets are $15 for one, $25 for two.

Make your New Year’s Eve celebration St. Louis style Written by

PAULA TREDWAY

ew Year’s Eve is right around the corner, and you know what that means — dinner, parties, bling and Champagne. (Let’s be honest, we’re all here to pop some bottles.) St. Louis is ready to ring in 2024, whether that’s with a midnight toast at Ballpark Village, fireworks at Winterfest with the kids or City Museum’s family-friendly party for those who don’t want to stay out all night. Check out these St. Louis celebrations to ring in the new year St. Louis style. Blast from the Past Party at Armory STL Take a trip down memory lane this New Year’s Eve at the Blast from the Past NYE Party at Armory STL (3660 Market Street). The six bars on site will evoke various iconic time periods from the Roaring 20s to Y2K. Guests can enjoy unique drinks, food, live music from Dr. Zhivegas, lights, entertainment and a Champagne toast. Tickets start at $100.

NYE Live! at Ballpark Village Ring in 2024 at NYE Live! at Ballpark Village (601 Clark Avenue). Partygoers can look forward to a premium all-inclusive drink package from 8 p.m. to midnight with access to seven venues, VIP experiences, NYE-themed party favors, a Champagne midnight toast, DJ performances, confetti, a midnight celebration and the only ball drop in St. Louis. Tickets start at $95 for the silver level, $130 for gold level and $160 for platinum level. New Year’s Eve Dinner at Casa Don Alfonso Ring in the new year with Casa Don Alfonso’s (100 Carondelet Plaza) five-course, prix fixe menu, with the esteemed culinary team at this Clayton restaurant careful-

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The Strip: A Spectaculaire NYE Celebration bring Las Vegas to St. Louis. | ONE EYED WOLF PHOTOGRAPHY ly crafting every dish. Highlights include cannoli stuffed with winter vegetables, stir-fried lobster with burrata foam and black truffle, and shrimp and ricotta ravioli with tomato jus. The third course truly sings with your choice of turbot paired with artichoke flakes, potato mille-feuille, mint and white wine cream; osso buco served with gremolata and saffron velouté; roasted duck breast on a bed of pear purée, red berries, candied chestnuts and spinach; or cabbage dumplings plated with polenta and a red wine reduction. Reservations are available at 5 and 8 p.m. New Year’s Eve Fête at Cinder House New Year’s Eve at Cinder House (999 North Second Street) will be a lavish celebration with a stylish ambiance and views of the Gateway Arch. For the occasion, the restaurant will offer a luxurious three-course menu with options such as duck, lobster and filet mignon. To elevate the dining experience, there will also be a caviar

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service available for two for $150. Cinder House’s sommeliers will offer pairings of Champagne, sparkling wine and still wine to complete the culinary adventure. Reservations are required, and a $50/person deposit will be taken at the time of booking. New Year’s Eve in the City at City Museum City Museum (750 North 16th Street) will be hosting a familyfriendly New Year’s Eve party, complete with piñatas, music, crafts, bingo and a balloon drop at 8 p.m. The attraction will be lit with dazzling displays, and festivities will continue until 9 p.m. New Year’s Eve Celebration with the Hamiltones at City Winery End the holiday season with music, wine and food on New Year’s Eve at City Winery St. Louis (3730 Foundry Way), where intimate shows, world-class wine and great food take center stage. City Winery St. Louis’ year-end show is New Year’s Eve with the Hamiltones, at 7 p.m. and 11 p.m. Stage

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NYE 2024 at Molly’s in Soulard Molly’s in Soulard (816 Geyer Avenue) knows how to party, and for the 18th year in a row, the neighborhood bar will host its New Year’s Eve extravaganza. Tickets ($70-plus) include access to five open bars serving beer, wine and cocktails, three DJs, two balloon drops and one Champagne toast. Molly’s in Soulard also boasts the largest patio in St. Louis, which will be covered by heated tents for the night. Want to splurge? Check out the VIP tables ($500) and cabanas ($1,250). New Year’s Eve Dinner Cruise on the Riverboats at the Gateway Arch For New Year’s Eve, the Riverboats at the Gateway Arch (50 South Leonor K Sullivan Boulevard) will remix its popular dinner cruise. Enjoy a live DJ and a plated dinner featuring grilled chicken, broiled shrimp, steak, twice-baked potatoes, garlicky green beans, house salad and cheesecake. Guests can also ring in the new year early with a Champagne toast for adults and sparkling cider for kids. Cruise reservations are required. Tickets are $110 for adults and $25 for children 12 and under. Ring in the New Year at Tin Roof Drink, dance and mingle at the New Year’s Eve celebration at Tin Roof (1000 Clark Avenue), which includes a flute of Champagne at midnight. “Guaranteed Entry” tickets ($30) include entrance before 10 p.m. and a Champagne toast. VIP booth and entry for six ($450) includes six “Skip the Line” tickets with guaranteed entry, two bottles of Champagne, charcute-

rie platter and party favors. Both the Ultra VIP Live Room and Ultra VIP Green Room ($1,000) includes “Skip the Line” entry for 10, private space by the stage, three bottles of champagne, one bottle of premium liquor, a charcuterie platter, a complimentary Champagne toast and party favors. Neon Nights at Winterfest Looking for something a little more family friendly? In downtown St. Louis, Kiener Plaza (500 Chestnut Street) goes into overdrive for the holidays. Hosting Gateway Arch Park Foundation’s Winterfest, the park fills up with fan favorites such as ice skating, s’mores stations and igloos positioned under 100,000 twinkling lights. Neon Nights, a familyfriendly New Year’s Eve celebration, will mark the end of the festivities. Expect a DJ, fire dancers, princesses, superheroes, party favors, photo experiences and a fireworks display. End of the World Party If you have to work on New Year’s Eve, this one’s for you. The Heavy Anchor (5226 Gravois Avenue) is hosting a pre-New Year’s Eve party on Saturday, December 30, starting at 8 p.m. With robots and aliens invading, guests are asked to dress like them to avoid detection. This free event includes dance tunes by Tilda Sweatin’. Midnight Muse: A Black Tie Affair STL Girl Network and the Party Co. STL are hosting a glamorous gala-style New Year’s Eve party at Fox Run Country Club (1 Putt Lane, Eureka) starting at 9 p.m. There will be an enforced dress code. Tickets ($115 as of December 21, prices increase each week leading up to the event) include an open bar all night, heavy hors d’oeuvres, Champagne at midnight, photo ops, a dance floor with DJ entertainment and free parking. Promo code RFT15 will score you $15 off. Swinging Soiree The late-night, 21-and-older New Year’s Eve celebration at the Fountain on Locust (3037 Locust Street) starts at 8:30 p.m. and will have you swinging the night away with swing dance lessons and live music by Vallie Golde and Miss Ju-

bilee. Tickets ($65) include dance lessons, live music, one free drink and access to the event and the dessert bar. There will be a cash bar throughout the event and first-come, first-served tarot card readings. New Year’s Eve Live Music and Champagne Bar Toast in the new year in the lobby lounge of Clayton’s Ritz-Carlton (100 Carondelet Plaza, Clayton) by celebrating with live music performed by Arvell & Co., three satellite bars, a Champagne bar and party favors. The event and standing room are complimentary, and attendees will have access to a la carte food and beverage offerings. Guests may reserve VIP seating with a $500 minimum spend per table. To reserve VIP seating, call 314-719-1450 or email tiffany.watson@marriott.com. 24th Annual New Year’s Eve Celebration Big Daddy’s in Soulard (1000 Sidney Street) is toasting its 24th annual New Year’s Eve celebration with an all-inclusive party package. Tickets ($60) include premium drinks, beers, an appetizer and pasta buffet, Champagne toast at midnight and music. For couples, there is a premium ticket “couples package” for $100 that includes premium spirits, all draft and bottle beers, all Red Bull cocktails and select premium wines, as well as the appetizer and pasta buffet. New Year’s Eve with the SLSO Listen to the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra during its annual New Year’s Eve concert. This year, with Powell Hall closed for renovations, it’s at Stifel Theatre (1400 Market Street), with musical selections from Norman Huynh. The show begins at 7:30 p.m.; tickets start at $47. The Strip: A Spectaculaire NYE Celebration Van Ella Productions is bringing the Vegas strip to St. Louis this New Year’s Eve at the Casa Loma Ballroom (3354 Iowa Avenue). Tickets are $45 and include an all-star lineup of some of the best burlesque, drag, dance, aerial and variety talent in the country, as well as high-flying performances, games, magic, music and dancing. n

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DECEMBER 27, 2023-JANUARY 9, 2024

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MUSIC

[LIVE MUSIC]

Simply the Best St. Louis saw acts both big and small — and our critic was there for 200 of them. Here’s his list of 15 favorites Written by

STEVE LEFTRIDGE

he year 2023 offered St. Louisans more concerts, more venues and more festivals than ever before. As the streaming revolution obliterated revenue flow received from recorded music and the pandemic shutdowns had fans starving for live music and artists desperate to get back on stage, this year represented the concert industry roaring back to full strength. Audiences filled stadiums, arenas, theaters, clubs, bars and parks in St. Louis all year long, proving yet again that when it comes to showing up to support live music, we’re a tough town to top. A few big tours skipped us — Taylor, Springsteen, Madonna — and Guns N’ Roses canceled its Busch Stadium show at the last minute, but some of the year’s biggest tours made history-making stops here, even as mid-sized venues brought innovative and niche acts to town and the local scene exploded with richly talented artists making original music. Newer venues like the Factory and the Hawthorn did robust numbers with national touring acts, while established mid-sized competitors like the Pageant and Delmar Hall held steady. Stifel filled more seats than any year since its relaunch, and the Sheldon staged terrific programs with its jazz and folk series. Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre was booming all summer, thanks in part to its Lawn Pass program that allowed for entry all season for a single price, while St. Louis Music Park proved that the region also has room for a 4,500-capacity indoor/outdoor shed. City Winery

Dave Grelle and his Playadors rocked 2023. | COURTESY PHOTO opened at the Foundry with a stunningly ambitious booking scheduling and some of the year’s most eclectic and memorable shows. Central Stage and the Big Top became unique destination venues in Grand Center, and Off Broadway and Old Rock House remain havens for both indie-minded touring and local musicians. A brandnew major festival, Evolution, was a major success in its inaugural year in Forest Park, taking its place alongside established fests like Open Highway (which had its biggest year yet) and Twangfest, while young festivals Music at the Intersection and Pines Fest continued to reach greater heights as exciting St. Louis traditions. It’s enough to keep a music critic busy — and by my count, I attended more than 200 shows in St. Louis in 2023. Here are my top 15 of the year. 15. Aoife O’Donovan at the Sheldon, April 15 While much of St. Louis was sheltering during tornado warnings, brainy folkgrass favorite Aoife O’Donovan brought her Aoife Sings Nebraska show to the Sheldon, performing a solo-acoustic version of Springsteen’s stark 1982 classic front to back. Bruce skipped St. Louis on his current tour, but Aoife’s stunning set was a soothing

consolation. 14. Brothers Osborne, Confluence Music Festival in Madison, Illinois, June 4 Who woulda thunk that one of the year’s most fun and diverse music festivals would have been held amid a NASCAR race at World Wide Technology Raceway? But there it was, a dazzling mix of country, rock, hip-hop and jazz when the cars weren’t going vroom. Best of the bunch: a rip-snorting, guitarslinging set by country-rockers Brother Osborne complete with a guest spot by soul-country rising star Brittney Spencer. 13. Nickel Creek at the Factory, June 11 Touring behind the trio’s first album in nine years, the ambitious Celebrants, Nickel Creek played a Factory filled to the rafters with folks who had been waiting for the Creek to rise again. Mandolinist Chris Thile is modern acoustic music’s most startlingly talented genius, and his collaboration with the Watkins siblings made for a career-spanning set that gave fans the hits but also continued to break fresh newgrass ground. 12. Danielle Ponder at Delmar Hall, April 3 Late-blooming pop-soul belter

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Danielle Ponder was the opening act for Lucius at Delmar Hall. Few in the audience were familiar with her beforehand, but that all changed when Ponder opened her mouth and delivered a sizzling, soaring set of R&B stunners from her debut album, Some of Us Are Brave. Ponder stole the show, proving that next time, she’s ready for a headline showcase all her own. 11. Voodoo the Who at the Big Top, August 10 Sean Canan’s rotating band of Voodoo Players played dozens of amazing shows in 2023, but I’m giving the gold medal to the Who blowout at the Big Top. It was a string summit of tribute titans as Canan squared off with Jimmy Griffin on guitars, while vocals were handled by Neil Salsich and Mark Quinn, the two best male singers in town. Add Griffin’s old King of the Hill cohort George Potsos on bass and other area ringers, and you’ve got an exhilarating Voodoo set that reigned o’er them all. 10. Kamasi Washington at City Winery, May 5 The saxophone behemoth behind the West Coast Get Down, Kamasi Washington, reminded us that we were gathered at City Winery on

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the eighth birthday of The Epic, his sprawling jazz opus, and the physical power of Washington’s phrasing galvanized the crowd for two sold-out shows. The eight-piece ensemble hit hard, emphasized by the delirious action of two drummers (Tony Austin and Robert Miller) and resulting in a sonic cascade of boundless beauty and inspiration. Epic? Damn right. 9. Dead & Company at Hollywood Casino Amphitheater, June 7 St. Louis has gotten three Dead & Company concerts in as many summers, and Deadheads packed Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre to let the good times roll for the last-ever Dead & Company concert in St. Louis, as the band announced it would discontinue its current lineup configuration after this tour. The ensemble saved its best St. Louis show for its last one, throwing in local nods (“Johnny B. Goode,” “Big River”), big classics (“Friend of the Devil,” “Shakedown Street”) and a spooky, mindblowing “Dark Star.” 8. Jason Isbell at Open Highway Music Festival at Chesterfield Amphitheater, June 17 This year, the two-night Open Highway Music Festival felt like the full expression of what it was always meant to be, climaxing on the second night with a scorching set by Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit. Isbell was in fighting form, clearly having a blast as he touched on every phase of his career, from heartbreaking ballads to guitar-charged rockers. It was a killer cap to one of St. Louis’s coolest festivals. Isbell agreed. “This place is gorgeous,” he said from the stage. 7. Herbie Hancock at Music at the Intersection in Grand Center, September 10 Any time you get a jazz giant like trumpeter Terence Blanchard as an unbilled sideman, you know you’re in the presence of jazz greatness. But Herbie Hancock, looking and moving like a man much younger than his 83 years, was the mesmerizing star, phenomenal on piano and keytar and hitting a number of classics, including “Footprints,” “Actual Proof,” “Secret Sauce” and “Chameleon” during a set for the ages. It was just one of a brain-boggling number of sets that made Music for the Intersection 2023 an incredible weekend in Grand Center. 6. Dave Grelle’s Playadors at Off Broadway, November 17 Much of the year’s best music was

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Beyoncé more than proved her queen status in 2023. | FLICKR/RAPH_PH homegrown, peaking with the astonishing showcase of local talent put on by Dave Grelle’s Playadors at Off Broadway. Keyboard wizard and composer Grelle led a giant all-star ensemble that included guitar legend Dee Dee James, drummer Kevin Bowers, bassist Jordan Brewer, a bunch of Funky Butt horns, the city’s best singers (Anita Jackson, Joanna Serenko, Emily Wallace, Neil Salsich) and more, tearing the hell out of everything from Grelle originals to Taylor Swift covers to Jimmy Griffin singing Joe Walsh. Don’t miss the next one. 5. Bob Dylan at Stifel Theater, October 4 Relying heavily on songs from 2020’s Rough and Rowdy Ways, Dylan, sitting at a center-stage piano, played the earnest crooner, the romantic, the joker, the weary immortalist crossing the rubicon, one step from the great beyond. Who knows if the 82-year-old Bob Dylan will pass this way again, and that was reason enough to be in the same space as him in October, contemplating as much of the legend as it’s possible to take in. But Dylan wasn’t much interested in our nostalgia. He was too busy keeping the path open, pouring new cups and passing them along. 4. SZA at Enterprise Center, October 11 With breathtaking visuals and powerhouse performances, SZA raised the bar for arena shows with a two-hour cruise of extravagant theatrical production, elaborate set pieces and soaring songs for a young crowd going bonkers for the duration. On her record-

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ings, SZA often sings in cursive, but she pushed her larynx hard into powerful tonality all night, which was necessary to overcome 20,000 other voices singing with her. It was a generous celebration from a superstar who proved to be a musical powerhouse and a show-woman full of surprises. 3. Metallica at the Dome at America’s Center, November 3 & 5 Is Metallica the biggest band in the world? It sure felt like it when the metal giant and its fans stormed St. Louis. Metallica pulled off an unprecedented feat, ruling the Dome at America’s Center twice for a no-repeat weekend, a colossal career-spanning two-night blowout downtown. The band was in lean, mean fighting form, rocking in the round on 32 lighting-riding classics, as new songs from this year’s excellent 72 Seasons found their way among seminal tunes that have soundtracked the lives of the thousands of jubilant headbangers in attendance. 2. Brandi Carlile at Evolution Music Festival in Forest Park, August 27 The Evolution Festival was a big winner in its first year, as fans showed up in big numbers for two days of bands and bourbon. The musical and emotional peak came with Brandi Carlile’s Sunday-night set. It was a dream setlist for Brandiacs, featuring her biggest, Joniest, most harmony-rich songs, from “The Eye” to “The Story” to weep-inducing covers of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and “We Are the Champions.” No one was digging it more than Brandi, who openly pleaded to be invited

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back to Evolution next year. 1. Beyoncé at the Dome at America’s Center, August 21 The Queen’s extrasensory extravaganza transmogrified St. Louis with a thrilling, towering concert masterpiece from one of the alltime greats. Such aural and visual maximalism represents concert technology dialed all the way up to never-before-reached heights, along with a Pride parade of discoalien cowboys who were there to stick with Beyoncé through thique and thin. Moreover, Bey sang the whole show live at the peak of her powers, providing St. Louis with an utterly joyous celebration of the right here, right now. This is what a Renaissance looks like. HONORABLE MENTIONS: King of the Hill (Diamond Music Hall, February 4), John Mayer (Enterprise Center, March 29), Tommy Stinson (Grass Is Greener House Concert, April 12), New Pornographers (Sheldon, April 27), John Mellencamp (Stifel, April 21), Janet Jackson (Enterprise Center, April 30), Seal (Stifel, May 26), Valerie June (City Winery, May 31), Robbie Fulks (Off Broadway, June 8), Tyler Childers (Hollywood Casino Amphitheater, June 9), Robert Plant/Alison Krauss (Hollywood Casino Amphitheater, June 25), Natalie Merchant (Stifel, June 22), Voodoo Tina Turner (Broadway Oyster Bar, July 12), His Lordship (Red Flag, September 8), Eric Clapton (Enterprise Center, September 12), KISS (Enterprise Center, October 25), My Morning Jacket (Stifel, November 7), Voodoo Last Waltz (Delmar Hall, November 25) n

CHAMPAGNE SUPERNOVA NYE WEEKEND

ZEDS DEAD PLUS RUSKO & HEYZ

FRI, DEC 29

TYLER HENRY:

THE HOLLYWOOD MEDIUM

TUE, JAN 9 7-0-7 TOUR

ELVIS COSTELLO & THE IMPOSTERS PLUS CHARLIE SEXTON

FRI, JAN 26

THE SIMON AND GARFUNKEL STORY FRI, FEB 2

BAND OF HORSES SAT, FEB 17

SUBTRONICS PLUS WOOLI, HEDEX, SAKA, JON CASEY, SKELLYTN

THU, FEB 22 GOODBYE YELLER BRICK ROAD, THE FINAL TOUR

LEWIS BLACK FRI, FEB 23

MUSCADINE BLOODLINE PLUS BEN CHAPMAN

SAT, FEB 24 ST. PATRICK’S DAY TOUR 2024

DROPKICK MURPHYS PLUS PENNYWISE

AND THE SCRATCH

MON, FEB 26

THREE DOG NIGHT PLUS CHRIS TRAPPER

FRI, MAR 1

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DECEMBER 27, 2023-JANUARY 9,2024

RIVERFRONT TIMES

DECEMBER 27, 2023-JANUARY 9, 2024

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FILM

[REVIEW]

Fast Car Michael Mann’s Ferrari gives us the man and the legend, but it’s not quite a triumph Written by

CRAIG D. LINDSEY Ferrari Directed by Michael Mann. Written by Troy Kennedy Martin, based on the book by Brock Yates. Opened December 25.

errari gives Adam Driver a second chance to give an award-worthy performance as a real person with an Italian accent. Some of you may remember when Driver slapped on an accent to play doomed fashion magnate Maurizio Gucci in Ridley Scott’s biopic House of Gucci a couple years back. Performing alongside Lady Gaga, Al Pacino and a nutty-as-fuck Jared Leto, all giving scenery-chewing turns that hilariously bordered on near-offensive parody, Driver gave perhaps the most credible performance in that movie. Ferrari has everyone performing with straight faces, with Driver’s Enzo Ferrari chief among them. Rocking gray hair and pants above his abdomen, Driver plays the former racer turned auto giant as a no-nonsense businessman trying to keep his business afloat (and legacy alive) by pushing his racers to achieve precision and perfection on the tracks. Of course, those two things are nowhere in his personal life. He has a wife/business partner (Penelope Cruz, fiery as always) who’s literally ready to pop a cap into him over his extramarital affairs (their first scene together has her firing a warning shot past him). This may explain why she doesn’t know about the mistress (Shailene Woodley) and son (Giuseppe Fesitine) he’s got stashed away across town. (It appears everybody else knows about them, though.) Ferrari is about a man who’s equally consumed by ambition and grief. Although it takes place in sunny Italy during the summer of 1957 (cinematographer Erik

You don’t have to like cars to like this movie, but it helps. | EROS HOAGLAND Messerschmidt brings a gleam to the visuals, making scenes look stylishly humid — even indoors — while bringing out the characters’ olive-skinned complexions), death hangs over this picture like a murky cloud. In one scene, Enzo and his wife both visit the family mausoleum (separately, of course), where their late son lays. Not too soon after, Ferrari witnesses the death of one of his racers, with the racer’s girlfriend just a couple feet away from him. Later on, racers (including a bleach-blond Patrick Dempsey) write goodbye notes in their hotel the night before a big race, just in case they don’t make it to the finish line. Enzo stalks around the movie like an arrogant captain of industry and a reluctant angel of death. As most of the movie has him grooming a young, hot racer (Gabriel Leone) to compete in a treacherous race known as the Mille Miglia, the old man knows this kid has a 50/50 chance of coming out of this an alive-andkicking star. “We all know it’s our deadly passion, our terrible joy,” he says to a roomful of racers during a quietly intense monologue. I wish I could be as enthused about Ferrari as my fellow film critic colleagues, who’ve been calling

Ferrari is another in a long line of Michael Mann films about a meticulous man who strives for order and success in his professional life, especially since his personal life is all kinds of fucked up. it one of the year’s best. Adapted from a biography by the late auto journalist Brock Yates (who wrote the first Cannonball Run movie), Mann presents a decent, competent portrait of a flawed legend. A project he’s been trying to get made since the ’90s (screenwriter Troy Kennedy Martin passed away

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of lung cancer in 2009 before seeing this film get made), Ferrari is another in a long line of Mann films about a meticulous man who strives for order and success in his professional life, especially since his personal life is all kinds of fucked up. Enzo Ferrari may not have been a lawman or a criminal, like so many of Mann’s previous protagonists. But, in Mann’s mind, he was just as, shall we say, driven as they were. There are some impressive, nowhere-near-cheesy racing scenes, especially in the third act. But as far as biopics go, Ferrari does feel quite routine. The movie even gives Enzo a bitchy, aging mother (Daniela Piperno) who actually utters “the wrong son died.” (Something tells me Mann hasn’t seen Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story.) If anything, Mann presents Ferrari as a Great Man Biopic that also doubles as an operatic tragedy. Just in case you don’t pick up on that vibe, he also throws in a sequence where Enzo attends an opera, flashing back to several joyful/painful moments from his life. With all the literal blood, sweat and tears that get spilled throughout Ferrari, I now understand why those cars are so gotdamn expensive. n

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9 1 0 w e s t p o r t P L A Z A d r i v e • s a i n t l o u i s , m i s s o u r i 6 3 1 4 6 • 3 1 4 .5 4 8 . 2 8 7 6

NEW RESOLUTION. YOU LEAVE IT ALL ON MORE LIVE MUSIC! THE COURT. WE’LL LEAVE IT ALL ON STAGE.

Now Serving Up Lunch Daily

live music every week DEC29

JAN06

ALMOST FAMOUS

F A C E OFF A G A I N S T Y O U R FRIENDS DEC30 A N D ROCK O U T T O S O M E L I V E MUSI C , E V E R Y W E E KEND.DEC31

BRIGHTSIDE

JAN 12

TRIXIE DELIGHT

LONE RANGERS

JAN13

JUST IN TIME

JAN05

THE RED JACKETS

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w e s t p o r t s o c i a l- s t l . c o m 42

RETRO NERDS

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STAGE

[HIGHLIGHTS]

Nothing Like Live Theater Reflections on a year full of great performances, compelling stories and plenty of twists Written by

TINA FARMER

ow that the flurry of December theater openings has passed, I’m taking a few moments to reflect on the year. All in all, 2023 was a good year for theater and theatergoers — and I’m cautiously optimistic that 2024 will continue the trend. Despite many challenges, the St. Louis theater community thrived in unexpected ways, and for the first time in several years, no company had to cancel shows or productions due to COVID-19. The return to established season lengths and the welcome addition of several smaller companies including Contraband Theatre, Action Art Collective, Critique Theatre Company and even the new St. Louis-based Denton Darlings shadowcast players give this reviewer reason to be cautiously optimistic heading into 2024. Having seen a majority of the plays, musicals and operas in town, as well as some fantastic cabaret drag and burlesque shows, I noticed a few recurrent themes. Acting Excellence This year, we saw an abundance of excellent performances and most professional companies had at least one truly memorable show. Ron Himes was masterful in Death of a Salesman at the Black Rep, and the script’s classist themes reverberated louder inhabited by Black characters; additionally, the ensemble of the relevant and resonant Skeleton Crew fully committed to the story with relatable, authentic performances. The Lehman Trilogy at the Repertory Theatre of St. Louis mesmerized with its flawless transitions and so many distinct, well-

Tawaine Noah in Jesus and Johnny Appleweed’s Holy Rollin’ Family Christmas. | JILL RITTER LINDBERG developed characters from just three performers. The Muny scored big points by finally producing RENT. I was surprised at how emotionally compelling and sympathetic the performances were on the big stage. Beautiful: The Carole King Musical was another crowd-pleaser that was equal parts charmingly personal, lyrically moving and genuinely vulnerable. Albion Theatre’s Mind Games walked a fine line between fiction and reality while The Birthday Party was convincing and gleefully menacing. The Tennessee Williams Festival St. Louis demonstrated that Suddenly, Last Summer still shocks and disturbs while remaining enthralling theater with a nuanced, evocative interpretation. Prism Theatre Company’s Wrens sparkled, speaking to universal truths through distinctly individual characters. Surprises and Fresh Interpretations Into the Woods shone in two wellacted productions. Stray Dog Theatre gave us a euphoric, whimsical twist with cartoonish wigs and costumes that emphasized the sense of adventure and discovery in the story. New Jewish Theatre presented a darker, more intimate and immersive fantasy that featured constantly shifting set pieces and perhaps the best casting I’ve seen for this musical. Stray Dog Theatre also wowed with its dramatic take on Godspell, which included one of the most spectacular bits of scenic design and action that I saw this year. The

other completely unexpected set design moment was the car crash in Moonstone Theatre Company’s Grand Horizons. Sarah Burke’s nonplussed reactions as the estranged wife of the car’s driver offered a perfect little moment in a truly startling scene. And STAGES St. Louis surprised everyone by producing the comedy Clue; with inventive sets and flawless comic timing, it turned into the surprising hit of late summer. Tesseract Theatre produced two thoughtful and persuasive explorations of modern femininity, In Bloom and The Mad Ones, that featured heartbreaking moments, grace and compassion. SATE made a hilariously upended take on A Midsummer Night’s Dream with This Palpable Gross Play. Cherokee Street Theatre Company twisted The Goonies to its comic limitation, and ERA infused The Breakfast Club with fatalistic humor to create the comically inventive riff The Brechtfast Club. The Midnight Company successfully dipped its toes into a new form of storytelling, the scripted cabaret, while also wowing audiences with engrossing deceit and manipulation in The Lion in Winter. Something for Everyone This city does a particularly good job of being fearless about art, whether that means trying a new concept on a familiar show or seeking out and producing new art. The Rep’s It’s A Wonderful Life: A Live Radio Play reinterpreted the beloved movie as an alwaysmoving live studio show. St. Louis

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The Rep closed out the year with It’s a Wonderful Life: A Live Radio Play. | JON GITCHOFF Shakespeare Festival’s Q Brothers Christmas Carol perfectly mixed hip-hop and Charles Dickens to create a feel-good, dance-in-yourseat tale. And New Line Theatre’s Jesus and Johnny Appleweed’s Holy Rollin’ Family Christmas gives the Dickens tale a twist of Reefer Madness and mid-century kitsch. Scott Miller, artistic director and creator of the aforementioned New Line musical, wasn’t the only artist or company producing new work. Jacob Juntunen and Contraband Theatre produced See You in a Minute, one of the first scripts taking a deeper look into one family’s pandemic experience. Prison Performing Arts pulled a gutwrenching twist in The Privilege of Being Second, Colin McLaughlin created two historical plays based in St. Louis that thoroughly entertained and intrigued audiences, and Jean: A One-Person Play, written and performed by Ann Truka, was a runaway favorite at the St. Louis Fringe Festival in August. As John Goodman said at the Rep’s Rally: Holiday Benefit Experience, there’s nothing quite like live theater. It’s an art form saturated in immediacy that creates a direct connection between the audience, the performer and the story. While the St. Louis region still faces challenges in truly making theater accessible to all, it is an invaluable asset to our community and culture, and it’s up to all of us to help keep the arts thriving in our city. Whether you’re a frequent theatergoer like me or not, do yourself a favor in 2024 and go see a play. n

DECEMBER 27, 2023-JANUARY 9,2024

RIVERFRONT TIMES

DECEMBER 27, 2023-JANUARY 9, 2024

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OUT EVERY NIGHT

ach week, we bring you our picks for the best concerts of the next seven days. To submit your show for consideration, visit https://bit.ly/3bgnwXZ. All events are subject to change, so check with the venue before you head out. Happy showgoing!

TIM & LISA ALBERT: 3 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

[CRITIC’S PICK]

SUNDAY 31

THURSDAY 28

THE ’90S UNPLUGGED: 8 p.m., $28-$35. City Winery St. Louis, 3730 Foundry Way, Suite 158, St. Louis, 314-678-5060. ALGAE DUST ALBUM RELEASE: w/ Orange Foods, Ashley Burne 7 p.m., $10-$14. Central Stage, 3524 Washington Avenue, St. Louis, 314-533-0367. JAKE CURTIS SOLO: 3 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565. JOSIE & DREW: 7 p.m., free. Evangeline’s, 512 N Euclid Ave, St. Louis, 314-367-3644. LAURA JANE GRACE: w/ Mya Byrne, Hotel Party 8 p.m., $28. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989. MARIA BARTOLOTTA: 7:30 p.m., $15-$20. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745. PAUL BONN AND THE BLUESMEN: 7 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

FRIDAY 29

ANDY COCO & CO.: 9 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811. BIG GEORGE JR. NGK BAND: 8 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565. BOXCAR: 5:30 p.m., free. The Gramophone, 4243 Manchester Ave., St. Louis, 314-531-5700. DAFT PUNK NIGHT: 9 p.m., $15. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. EIGHTY-ONE: 8 p.m., $10. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444. HONKY TONK HAPPY HOUR: 4 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565. JUNENA MARTIN: 7 p.m., $15. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222. LASTTIMEDOWN NEW YEARS AND ALBUM RELEASE SHOW: w/ Andrew Ryan & The Levee, Simply Esoteric 7 p.m., $10. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226. LONE WONDERS: 6 p.m., $6. The Attic Music Bar, 4247 South Kingshighway Blvd., 2nd Floor, St. Louis, 3143765313. NICK GUSMAN AND THE COYOTES: 8 p.m., $10. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989. A NIGHT WITH DEE JAZZ: 8 p.m., $20. The Dark Room, 3610 Grandel Square inside Grandel Theatre, St. Louis, 314-776-9550. WISEMARY: w/ Daydreamer, Native State 8 p.m., $15-$20. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505. ZACHARY LEEKER: 7:30 p.m., $15-$30. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745. ZEDS DEAD: 8 p.m., $59.50-$89.50. The Factory, 17105 N Outer 40 Rd, Chesterfield, 314-423-8500.

SATURDAY 30

ALL ROOSTERED UP: noon, free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811. BRONCO & THE BRUCETONES: w/ Glory N Perfection, Superfun Yeah Yeah Rocketship 8 p.m., $10$15. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505. BROTHER JEFFERSON: 8 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565. HUNTER PEEBLES BAND: 9 p.m., $10. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811. KELSI O: UNPLUGGED: 10 p.m., $15-$20. The Dark Room, 3610 Grandel Square inside Gran-

Laura Jane Grace. | VIA 7S MANAGEMENT

Laura Jane Grace w/ Mya Byrne, Hotel Party For going on four years now, nearly every story about a band or musical artist has contained the words “derailed by COVID-19” at some point within. And while it’s true that the pandemic halted the release of an eighth album by folk-punk act Against Me!, ultimately resulting in the band going on an indefinite hiatus, guitarist/singer and principal songwriter Laura Jane Grace has pressed on, cementing herself as a vital voice in modern music with her debut album as a solo artist, October 2020’s Stay Alive LP. That entire album was written during the pandemic, as Grace was unable to work with her bandmates due to lockdowns but remained the restless creative that her work has defined her to be. Recorded over three days

with no less than Steve Albini, the record was released as a surprise, with zero promotion, and was hailed by Rolling Stone as “a fast-paced 14-song record with the fist-pumping old-school bravado of Against Me! … mixed with almost painfully beautiful imagery.” Now, nearly four years later, Grace is following that album up with the forthcoming Hole in My Head, set for release on February 16. Early singles indicate that this effort will be more of the same heart-on-sleeve lyricism and soulful, impassioned songwriting fans have come to expect, with “Cuffing Season” proving itself a moving standout. Expect to hear that and other new tracks as well as her prior material and plenty of Against Me! tunes at Off Broadway this week. Howdy Neighbor: A native of Gainesville, Florida, Grace has been splitting her time between Chicago and St. Louis for some years now — meaning this week’s show is something of a down-home affair. Let’s make her feel welcome. —Daniel Hill

del Theatre, St. Louis, 314-776-9550. KILLER WAILS: 6 p.m., $6. The Attic Music Bar, 4247 South Kingshighway Blvd., 2nd Floor, St. Louis, 314-376-5313. OFF THE CHARTS: w/ Joe Dreyer, Rosemary Watts, Liz Zempel, Roger Netherton, Dave Black, Ron Carr 7:30 p.m., $15. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745. THE PURPLE MADNESS: A PRINCE TRIBUTE:

7:30 p.m., $35-$45. City Winery St. Louis, 3730 Foundry Way, Suite 158, St. Louis, 314-678-5060. ROYCE MARTIN: 9:30 p.m., $10. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745. TEEC’A EASBY: 7 p.m., $15. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222. THIS IS FALLING, NEW LINGO, THE GREATER GOOD, FERRISS: 7 p.m., $15-$18. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

8 p.m. Thursday, December 28. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Avenue. $28. 314-498-6989.

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AARON KAMM AND THE ONE DROPS: 10 p.m., $25$30. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505. AFROSEXYCOOL NYE: w/ Blvck Spvde, PBnJeffy, Tee Parks, James Biko, Maxa 8 p.m., $25-$135. .ZACK, 3224 Locust St., St. Louis, 3145499990. BB’S NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY: w/ Amanda Fish, Kingdom Brothers 7 p.m., $65. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222. CHERUB: 9 p.m., $30. The Hawthorn, 2231 Washington Avenue, St. Louis, 314-887-0877. FUNKY BUTT BRASS BAND: 9 p.m., $22. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811. THE GASLIGHT SQUARES: 7 p.m., free. Yaqui’s on Cherokee, 2728 Cherokee St, St. Louis, 314-400-7712. THE HAMILTONES: 7 p.m., $55. City Winery St. Louis, 3730 Foundry Way, Suite 158, St. Louis, 314-678-5060. THE MIGHTY PINES ’90S FREAKOUT: w/ Mattie Schell, Bianca Fitzpatrick, Dave Grelle 9 p.m., $30-$35. The Golden Record, 2720 Cherokee Street, St. Louis. MITZI MACDONALD AND THE LAWS OF MUSIC ALBUM RELEASE PARTY: 7:30 p.m., $15. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745. MORGAN PAGE: 10 p.m., $25-$1,000. RYSE Nightclub, One Ameristar Blvd, St. Charles. NEW YEAR’S EVE: 6 p.m., $25. The Attic Music Bar, 4247 South Kingshighway Blvd., 2nd Floor, St. Louis, 3143765313. NEW YEAR’S EVE 2024: 7 p.m., $30-$1000. Tin Roof St. Louis, 1000 Clark Ave, St. Louis, 314-240-5400. RED FLAG NYE PARTY 2023: w/ Not Topic, Antichrist Superstar, Electric Kool-Aid Experience 8 p.m., $15. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. SUPERJAM: 8 p.m., $25. RYSE Nightclub, One Ameristar Blvd, St. Charles. TIMECHASER NYE: w/ Nightchaser, Lusid 8 p.m., $38.45-$106.49. Das Bevo Biergarten, 4749 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-224-5521. VOODOO GRATEFUL DEAD NYE: 8 p.m., $20-$25. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

MONDAY 1

NATCHEZ WHISTLE: 8 p.m., free. 1860 Saloon, Game Room & Hardshell Cafe, 1860 S. Ninth St., St. Louis, 314-231-1860. TIM ALBERT AND STOVEHANDLE DAN: w/ Randy 7 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

TUESDAY 2

NAKED MIKE: 7 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565. OPEN MIC NIGHT: 8 p.m., free. 1860 Saloon, Game Room & Hardshell Cafe, 1860 S. Ninth St., St. Louis, 314-231-1860.

WEDNESDAY 3

JOHN MCVEY BAND: 7 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565. LENA ESPARZA: 7 p.m., $15. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745. MARGARET & FRIENDS: 3 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565. MARQUIS HILL: 7:30 p.m., $40-$45. Jazz St. Louis, 3536 Washington Ave, St. Louis, 314571-6000. PAT WHITE: 8 p.m., free. 1860 Saloon, Game Room & Hardshell Cafe, 1860 S. Ninth St., St. Louis, 314-231-1860. n

DECEMBER 27, 2023-JANUARY 9,2024

RIVERFRONT TIMES

DECEMBER 27, 2023-JANUARY 9, 2024

riverfronttimes.com

DECEMBER 27, 2023-JANUARY 9,2024

RIVERFRONT TIMES

DECEMBER 27, 2023-JANUARY 9, 2024

riverfronttimes.com