ISSUE 2
MUNSTER,
FRIDAY,
SEPT
1,
2007
FREE
LIMERICK ADVERTISING
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STAFF EDITORS : Jimmy Mcsavage Emmet Lynch, Richard Head DESIGN : Steve Johnson ADVERTS : Clara Cummins Bill O’ Brien
CONTACT EMAIL: whipeditor@gmail.com mcsavage7@gmail.com WEB : myspace.com/postwhip CORK : 085 8163091 LIMERICK: 085 8117993
SUBMISSIONS WORDS : Neil Ainsworth, R Jacobs, James Mcgregor, Amber, Karol Clancy, Drysey, Elk Dangerfield, Nicky Marks, Mark Keane.
SUBMISSIONS PHOTO : Steve Johnson. ILLUSTRATIONS : Dave Crowley, Embop Bebop, Laura Fahey, Doc Jenings, Jimmy Mcsavage, Tojun Mai, Andy G, Pheat da beat. James Ojeje.
SOUND Ian G, Rory, P Boland, Brendan, S Millar, Paul Tarpey, P dowling, Emmet, Laura, Bill, Vinny Wall, Andy G, Roy Keane. Mickey J.
LEGAL The veiws expressed in The Whipping Post are those of the respective contributors and are not necessarily shared by the newspaper or any of its staff. Whipping Media accepts no responsibility for unsolicited manuscripts, photographs illustrtaions or promotional items. Copyright in Ireland and abroad as held by the publisher or by freelance contributiors. Whipping Media©2007
HOLA
Greetings all, welcome to The Whipping Post, an eclectic mix of humour, music, propaganda and insight. Over the coming months you will be seeing the irregular side of life, fused with subversive humour and topped off with serious content. We want to inform and entertain, We want to represent voices that don’t get heard and exhibit stuff that wouldn’t get seen. If you’ve got something worzth saying, here’s the spot. If your sick of the same old clip clap, hum drum bullshit then read on comrades, VIVA LA WHIPPING POST.
whipeditor@gmail.com
Issue 01
I’VE MADE A RIGHT PACKET
BUS EIREANN ARE SICKENED Meet the 12 year old boy who has made thousands of Euro
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ever afraid to delve in to the murky depths of Cork’s underbelly, The Post has uncovered a scam that has already robbed you, the tax payer, of thousands of Euro. What’s worse is that it has deprived those reliable folks down in Bus Eireann of the ticket revenue they need to pay their noble drivers. In a north side housing estate I caught up with Silvio Careca the mastermind of the operation; “What I’ve been at is creating my own expressway tickets, like, and selling them to all the students who go home on the weekends.” Careca’s soft lilting cork tones belie the actions of this young criminal. A promising student in secondary school, things went down hill when his older brother started to attend that infamous bastion of vice; Limerick Art College. “Yeah, the brother was studying graphics up in stab city with all those art faggots. We robbed him a new lap top for Christmas, you know for his studies, like, and he started using this program called Photoshop. It was class; he could put anyone’s head on top of naked birds, so it’d look like they were in the buff”. Unfortunately, for the good people at Bus Eireann, this innocent fun took on a more sinister aspect. “I realized you could change anything with Photoshop, so I began scanning all kinds of stuff and messing around with it. I forged a few fake I.D’s so me and the boys could go out on the lash in the Castle Inn, If we didn’t want
to go to school I made up doctor’s certs to give the teachers.” It was this foray into forgery that led Silvio to come up with his real money winner, fraud. “I noticed how shit those bus tickets were, flimsy white crap things, like, and they were charging top dollar for them too.’’» I collected a load of old tickets and left them out in the sun so they’d fade, you know? After about a day the sun burnt off the ink and left behind a blank ticket. All I did then was scan a few other tickets and rearrange the letters on Photoshop to whatever I wanted. Then I’d just print on to the blank ticket on a normal printer, piece of piss. All the students went mad for them. I could sell at half the price of Bus Eireann and still make a packet.” An ingenious plan, what could this bright young man have achieved if his head hadn’t been turned by the easy money of crime. In a disturbing development, The Post had learnt that Photoshop is available on all computer formats and easily copied from one hard drive to another. Old bus tickets are to be found on the floor of any of our city’s fine public transport. This scam could literally be done by anyone. I asked Careca if he felt any remorse for his actions. “Shur they’re just a bunch of feckwits who charge way too much for a shitty service thats never on time, fuck em i say.” Chilling indeed. STEVE JOHNSON/neil ainsworth
Whipping Post Launch Party Post T-Shirts crafted by legendary T-shirt designer Vincent Wall of Fresh Meat, we also got some fine badges for you to pin to your member and lots of copies of the first issue which will surely become a collectors item in the near future, you can also expect to see some some really cool visuals supplied by the lads of Whipping Media, we’ve been keepin em in the finest collie so we’ll expect nuthin but excellence from em.
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eptember 6th is an exciting date for us at the Post as it sees the official launch party of The Whipping Post which will be blasting off like a nuclear proppelled rocket into the nethersphere from the great old musical venue that is Mickey Martins on Augustinian lane in Limerick. Yes we’ll be using Mickeys as our launch pad so expect a tasty line up of DJ’s featuring Johnny Doobs and other exceptional local Limerick talent. We’ve got lots of free promotional material to give away including official Whipping
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A chance to pick up some fine promotional merchandise The Cork Launch will be a little later in the month of September as we are currently in discussions with a very nice venue in the heart of the city, you will also be able to pick up promotional merchandise at this launch and hopefully see some live music on the night, we’ll be putting details of this launch party up on the internet pretty soon so when you get a chance go to your nearest internet box and tap in www.myspace.
com/postwhip. If you are interested in contributing or just simply want to get involved then it would be a good idea to head down to either launch and talk to the lads of the Post, Jimmy & Steve are a very open minded pair and like nothing more than a few pints and a chat.
DOCTOR JENNINGS
MEDICAL QUERIES AWNSERED
SEAN REGAN: How much Fags is it safe to smoke? DR. JENNINGS: Well Sean, Hard to say exactly, my Uncle Sammy smoked 90 sweet afton a day and lived til he was 104 but my other uncle benny never smoked nuthin and was killed by a falling piano when he was 29.
01.08.07
PROC MUSIC
Since inventing the internet in 1185AD we at the Peoples Republic of Cork have been encouraging local acts to get their music heard online by other Corkonians. Putting tracks on myspace for people around the world to download is great but how are they going to benefit your band beyond sending you some back-slapping praise and a few smileys? Have they become your ‘friend’ just because they want to paste your comments page with unsightly flyers and plugs for their own gigs?
The big PR companies trade ‘exclusives’ from their big name acts for favours for their smaller bands (i.e. you) making it a winwin situation for everyone involved. Any PR company worth their money will be on first name terms with influential radio and newspaper journalists so you don’t have to spend a fortune buying them drinks, talking shite and giving the occasional blow job in the jacks of Lilly’s Bordello to get your track played. It’s the lesser of two evils.
While Carlos from Argentina logs on and tells you that he’s really digging your tunes there’s not a lot of hope he’ll turn up for your gig in Fred Zepplins on Friday night. We get over 20,000 visitors a week on PROC, most of whom are based in Cork or have some connection.
With so many acts now vying for success, a sizeable PR industry has grown up around the Irish music industry in the last ten years. So what is music PR and how can it get your band headlining Oxegen next year?
SIMILAR PROPERTY WANTED
Music PR is a skill no different from auctioneering. Some call it bullshit others call it positive spin. The crumbling dilapidated rat infested chicken shed becomes a “unique quaint period residence with unlimited potential”. They might think your band is marginally above average but they’ll make your press release read like you’re the next Rory Gallagher. Remember - don’t cry foul in a dirty business. PR companies might seem evil but so is the entire music industry, either get out now or embrace it with open arms if you want to make it. If Tom Dunne gets 400 demos a week he has to have some way of filtering out the shite ones – preferably by somebody else and for free. PR companies do this indirectly by sending your CD (along with a press release and photo) in recognisable packaging to the station so Tom can easily find it. Tom knows that the PR company aren’t going to send him total rubbish so its an easy way for him to find music that wasn’t recorded in a bus station on a nokia 3310 and then burned to CD. The PR company follow it up with a phone call to the DJ or playlist manager’s mobile and ask with him to play it. If he doesn’t they call him again.
Along with your first single you have to organise a tour or the PR company won’t touch you with an extended microphone boom. This involves a brass neck, a shit load of CDs, envelopes, stamps and a distressing amount of phone credit. The touring template is easy to find. Suss out the latest up-and-coming acts who are getting played on national radio and find out where they’re playing. Copy them. Ireland has a limited but highly respected number of music venues dotted at geographically dispersed points around the island. If you can get gigs in Cork, Dublin, Limerick, Galway, Waterford and maybe one other town near where you’re based (De Barras in Clonakilty for example), you’ve got a “tour”. Now you can start planning your PR, hassling local music journos to interview you and push editors to get your photo in their papers the day of your gig.
The idea is that if some sham out in Blarney hears your track on PROC and thinks you’re worth a bus fare and a few pints, chances are he’ll pop in for a lamp if he’s up to nothing. Like everything in the music industry, that’s the theory at least if you know the theory you’ve a better chance of the practical working out. Feedback from local bands has been excellent but the wider industry is a dog-eat-dog cesspit of moody opinions, personalities and stroke pulling with people and their various agendas shouting random advice from all angles.
www.myspace/postwhip.com
If you’ve got a PR company just sit back and let them do all this for you.
BANG FOR YOUR BUCK
GRAHAM KEOGH ©
RADIO SESSIONS
Anytime you hear a band or singer songwriter appear on radio for an interview you can be double sure their PR company got them the gig. The artists will be well briefed to make sure two things are mentioned: release date and tour dates. You can’t get on radio if you’re not touring – unless you’re a bona fides music legend who has arrived in Ireland for the first time. Radio producers want a story so give them one. Suddenly thousands of potential new fans are listening to your track, to your waffle and to your instructions on how they can follow up their interest (iTunes, myspace, tour dates etc) – far more effective than 10,000 flyers. Getting a live radio session without a PR company isn’t that hard. Most local radio stations have shows dedicated to Irish music at the weekends and the DJs are always ultra enthusiastic about giving homegrown acts a leg up. Invariably their shows have the word “Green” in the title so they’re easy enough to track down on the station’s website. For example, if you’re playing in Dolans in Limerick on a Thursday night, try to book yourself in for a session on 95FM the Sunday before and so on. The key is organising all this 4-5 months in advance. Producers will laugh at you if you ring up the station the night before your gig.
TOURS
Remember a band pulling crowds of 300-400 people consistently in Ireland is viewed as being as successful as a similar band in the UK who might be dragging over 2000 to each show. That’s why up and coming UK bands are increasingly basing themselves in this country so they can go home with the PR punch of having ‘broken’ the Irish market.
You’ll need at least €1500 for a single release and upwards of €4000 for an album. It is a cost that is often hard to justify but weigh up your options. If you’re happy with a few plays on your local station and a couple of gigs in your favourite venue then don’t waste your cash. Should you have set your sights a bit higher and the band are fully committed, then it might be worth calling up a PR company and setting up a meeting. Friction PR and Entertainment Architects are two Dublin based examples. There are other freelancers who charge less but might not have not pulled off the coups that the others have. Before you send a cheque make sure you’ve asked them what you should expect in return. How many national and local radio plays do they think they can get you? 30, 80, 200 in the month? Does the fee include VAT and the administration cost of sending out all the CDs? At the end of a given period (usually four weeks) they’ll send you an excel file with feedback and comments from all the people they sent your tunes to: DJs, station playlist managers and print journalists. This is where you find out if stations are going to put you on their playlists or not - the whole point of music PR when you boil it down. You can get all the print coverage you like but if the radio stations aren’t playing your tracks consistently then it’s going to be tougher to fill venues outside your home town. For more see:
WPeoplesRepublicOfCork.com/music
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whipeditor@gmail.com
Issue 01
WTYPONOWHERE.COM
is a website showcasing experimental typography & font design, with the aim of exhibiting work in printed and digital form. To submit your work please email submit@typenowhere.com or for more info@typenowhere.com
BANKSY ©
NUERosis
SEND US A STENCIL
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ver the coming issues The Whipping Post will be promoting and publishing stencil art work. Each month we’ll be giving a prize to the best stencil sent into whipeditor@gmail.com. To get the ball rolling we will be giving you some inspirational words from our man Banksy. We believe Ireland is in dire need of more young intelligent graffiti artists who don’t simply scrawl their names in crap writing or resort to slogans such as ‘fuck the police’ or just simply«‘fuck you’. Sadly the majority of cities and towns in Ireland are peppered with this ugly shite, relayed from small dull minds to walls via spray cans. Intelligent messages, strong imagery or simply aesthetically pleasing pieces are what our walls call out for. Everyone has something to say, everyone’s heads are full of pictures. The artist featured in the next issue will win an original and limited Whipping post T shirt and other stuff. So step it up and show the public that this is art not vandalism, this is urban youth culture that should be given room to develop and space to breathe. Here’s a word from Banksy: ‘I’m going to speak my mind so this won’t take very long. Graffiti is not the lowest form of art. Despite having to creep about at night and lie to your mum its actually the most honest artform available. There is no elitism or hype, it exhibits on some of the best walls a town has to offer, and nobody is put off by the price of admission. A wall has always been the best place to publish your work. The people who run our cities don’t understand graffiti because they think nothing has the right to exist unless it makes a profit. But if you just value money then your opinion is worthless. They say graffiti frightens people and is symbolic of the decline of society, but graffiti is only dangerous in the minds of three types of people; politicians, advertising executives and graffiti writers. The people who truly deface our neighbourhoods are the companies that scrawl their giant slogans across buildings and buses trying to make us feel inadequate unless we buy their stuff. They expect to be able to shout their message in your face from every available surface but your never allowed to answer back. Well, they started this fight and the wall is the weapon of choice to hit them back’. Email Print Quality stencils to:
Wwhipeditor@gmail.com
6
Living in London there are two things that you are constantly aware of. The first is terrorists and the second is plastic bags, both of which are everywhere. Take a typical scenario. You’re down at the local Marks & Spencer (yeah they have them over here too) and you’re standing in line to pay. One moment you’re checking out what the person in front of you has in their basket and the next you start thinking of a terrorist attack. Just like that, standing in line thinking about corn flakes and the paranoia hits. ”This is an ideal place for a terrorist attack, busy shop, strike right at the sacred heart of western civilisation – supermarkets.” The British government has instructed everyone to think like terrorists- that is how we will beat them. They’ve even invited out-of-work paramilitaries to give master classes in conducting terrorism in schools and churches up and down the country. All the supermarkets have introduced terror-calming measures in the form of updated terror level messages, which are replayed over the PA system every two and a half minutes. A very reassuring voice announces that the terror attacks are “unlikely for the next hour and a half and all cooked chickens are reduced because of salmonella infection.”
‘I make it to the cashier with out being blown up’ I conduct some idle chit-chat (also advisable to instil calm amongst the general populace) with a fellow shopper. She tells me that her son and daughter are learning basic flight control in PE class at school should their plane be hijacked while they are on their school tour. She worries if her son is keeping up, as he is blind. She says shopping used to be a healthy distraction but now she feels nowhere is safe, especially not Tesco, as they actively recruit terrorists. I make it to the cashier with out being blown up. The cashier sits inside something that looks like a tollbooth, for her protection. I only have four items to pay for as I have stashed the rest in my underpants. She gives me a total of fifteen plastic bags but I refuse all of them. I quickly mention about how my great country introduced anti-plastic bag measures and ask for a cardboard box. She refuses my request. The shoppers behind become anxious. The cashier pages security and hits an alarm. A siren goes off. Smoke fills the store. I can here shots. A bullet hits the Ballymaloe country relish I had in my pants – I’m losing a lot of relish. As I lay on the shop struggling to breathe a white plastic bag floats so peacefully in the chaos. It lands on my face and suffocates me to death. R. JACOBS
01.08.07
www.myspace/postwhip.com
FEAR IS THE ONLY AGENDA
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n a society that believes in nothing fear is the only agenda. Climate change need not always refer to the environment. The global conscience has experienced its own seismic shift. We survived the climate of wanton avarice of the 1980s, the climate of fin de siecle paralysis of the 1990’s, but will we see the other side of the current climate of fear? I don’t propose to be a great thinker on this matter. If you’re seeking some intellectual exposition on this current global lacuna in mental fortitude, check out Adam Curtis’ documentary series The Power of Nightmares, or Woye Soyinka’s Reith Lecture on the ‘Climate of fear’. My concerns are more immediate, short-sighted, backward even.
There is no greater slight in the modern world than to call someone ‘boring’. Even a ‘bore’ has a function, but a ‘boring’ person is a pariah, a social misfit unworthy of any attention. The motivation to avoid this social cancer has us inventing inane sports, importing silly non-native pursuits, flying off on fruitless misadventures at the drop of a hat. The fear of being idle and of not maximising every last moment we have alive, overwhelms everyone occasionally. Downtime becomes a frantic hunt to find something ‘worthwhile’ to do. Holidays are coveted, stored, then expended on exhaustive blow-outs, doing nothing is not an option. The fear of leaving nothing behind also consumes us. We now desire a legacy. It’s not enough to have simple concerns like raising a family and dedicating yourself to a job and doing it well; we want to be remembered. If there is no afterlife – church attendance numbers would attest to us being indifferent at best on the issue – then we must find another way to immortality. Some pursue it through their art, others through the accumulation of money, still more look for fame as a way of surviving this mortal coil.
My sister lives in San Francisco, and is about to give birth to her first child. Don’t worry, this is not about to turn into a mawkish rant about ‘saving the babies’. But I can’t help but imagine what it’s going to be like to grow up in a world where something as prosaic as a deck of playing cards has been morphed into a makeshift Most Wanted list. Or how the happy colour Orange is now a signifier for a ‘High Risk of Terrorist Attacks’. We live in a mainly secular society, so we don’t have the (be it misplaced) backbone that a faith provides. If fact we have become fearful and distrusting of people who do have a belief system. Almost as if it’s a sign of some mental weakness; a misjudged affinity with someone/thing that will never be of any material value. Spirituality is a dirty word. But the material world has its own belief system, its own dogma, its own set of omnipresent tenets. We read the Gospel according to Sherry Fitzgerald. The High Street is the new Mecca – we must go there once a week to experience a retail resurrection. That hoary old chestnut, ‘celebrity’, may way be dining on its last supper, but it still has its fanatical devotees. These are the new false idols we worship, and indeed fear. Societal pressures demand you are on the property ladder, you are working at something you ‘love’, that you travel here, shop there, drive this, eat little, look like a shaved skeleton. But with a nice tan.
No one wants to finish last in the human race. We find ourselves checking the stopwatch at various intervals of our lives, comparing achievements with others; the fear of our competitors. Okay I’m 20, what have I done? Okay 25, who am I ahead of, who am I playing catch up to? 35, shit I’m getting lapped, by some snotnosed status seeker. By the end it’s all irrelevant. You hear old folks or terminally ill people saying they don’t fear death. They’re reached this unique serenity, a really cosy sounding mental state where they just don’t give a shit. They’ve spent their lives raging against the dying light, only to discover that the light doesn’t go out. It’s a typically human conundrum. It seems the lesson you learn from a lifetime of being afraid, is that you don’t need to be afraid at all. MARK KEANE
Our motivation is fear, but not the fear of the unknown – the fear of the known. The fear of knowing what we will be doing, who we will be doing and when we will be doing it; the fear of settling into a routine. We are a generation who is bombarded with options. We are constantly told the ‘world is your oyster’, a loaded compliment if ever there was one. A threat more than anything. A boulder that is getting rolled up a hill only to repeatedly slip back onto our toes. It’s imperative to be seen to be seeking out new goals, targets, achievements. A period of stasis in one’s life is frowned upon. If one is seen to not have reached his/her potential, it is a cataclysmic disaster. We have to be seen to be succeeding, to be over-achieving. The fear lies in actively courting stability and security. The fear is that you will be boring. 7
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Issue 01
DOGGING
o the less educated in voyeuristic activity, dogging is a british euphemism for engaging in sexual acts in a semipublic place (usually a car park) or watching others doing so. Observation is encouraged and frequently there are more than two participants. Sometimes the encounters are random but increasingly arrangements are made beforehand, over the internet. In 2003 the “new” craze was made public by the BBC and the public learned about the strange orgys going on in their local areas. The mass media attention attracted was so great that it became difficult for couples to unknowingly park in recognised dogging sites without almost immediatley being surrounded by a cicle of rather pushy and sometimes rather imtimdating single males. This led to harassment of members of the public, police involvement and a tendency for some couples to move their activities underground. For a while the bizarre British phonomenom seemed to have sleazed its way out of the sight of the public eye, arrests had been made and it was becoming more and more dangerous to indulge. Some presumed it was just another strange fad. A small unsuspecting island just off the coast of the U.K had no idea what was about to happen next. One of Irelands best kept secrets is its reputation (to the people in the know) as Europe’s hot spot for dogging activity. Our slack law enforcement and a large proportion of rural communitys combine to make a “package holiday” type destination for doggers. People come from all over the STEVE JOHNSON © world to enjoy the beautiful landscapes, unique culture and excellent dogging potential. The Irish authorities have been aware of such things for a number of years and have tried to keep it under raps fearing more terrible scandal after several priests, a judge and some senior Gardai were found to be at the centre of a dogging organisation stretching as far as Bangkok. Names and identitys were kept secrett. Nothing has ever been officially investigated, everything has been denied. We managed to make contact with one of Irelands most notorius doggers “Big Larry” on the net, he was very keen to spill the beans. Although reluctant to meet us, he agreed to contact us from a public phone box, he had a thick Dublin accent and was quite a character.
Joe Foley Shannon
Podge Limerick
Garreth Joyce Cork
Lellee Italy
DRAW EIRE COMPETITION 8
Tom Dunne Kerry
Marcus Murphy Cork
Dermot Motherway Limerick
Mia o’ Shea Galway
“Ahh christ, I just fucking love it. Nothing else in my life comes close, better than any drug or anything. Ahh haccghhh huughh hccuugg… ” At this point Big Larry went into a coughing fit from which recovery seemed doubtfull, 8 or 9 minutes later the sound of a heavy flem ball slapping the the ground at full force came over the line. He was ready to continue. “All types I tells ya, all types. The things I’ve seen I could write a book I tells ya, a book. It’s not just auld ones either, oh no. There’s young ones an all, all sorts. Im up and down the country all the time, can’t get enough of it. You can get a bit nervous at first but it’s rarely dangerous. There is supposed to be a certain etiquette, you know, rules and stuff. You don’t bang on windows or be rowdy like. The couple should put on the light in the car if they want to be watched or if it’s OK for people to approach. Initially, a couple should put on the reverse or rear brake lights to say they are there for fun. And people can flash their lights to indicate they are there for fun as well and not just sitting in the car admiring the stars. That’s what some people say but I say feck it, get the lad out and ask questions later”. When asked about locations Big Larry took an abruptly violent tone, claiming we must have been out of our fucking minds if we thought he would divulge his “top class fanny spots”. He then went on a tangent rant about country girls in such a filthy manner that we chose not to print it. But after a lengthy internet research session we managed to come up with Ireland’s top 10 dogging spots.
TOP 10 IRISH DOGGING SPOTS 1. Mallow, Co.Cork. Car park behind the bus stop. 2. Ballinagh, Co.Cavan. Location may vary. 3. Knocktopher, Co.Kilkenny. Outside the post office. 4. Rathlee, Co.Mayo. Jimmy’s Bar. 5. Douglas, Cork city. Tesco’s car park. 6. Mountshannon, Co.Clare. Pitch n putt car park. 7. Renmore, Galway city. Dawn dairies. 8. Gort, Co.Galway. Aldi’s car park. 9. Shannon, Co.Clare. Bald hill. 10. Baltimore Car Park Skibereen Co. Cork.
Gilard Iraq
Ger o’ Brien Cork
Tess Sweden
Daniel McNally Waterford
Lisa Keirans Shannon
Siobhan Mooney Kerry
We set 16 people up against each other and asked them to draw the homeland in no more than 15 seconds. With the lust for 2 free tickets to the Connemara Roots Festival (see page 15), this is what they came up with.
Paddy Burke Shannon
Emma Mcarthy Kerry
WEINER
Dermot Motherway Limerick
01.08.07
www.myspace/postwhip.com
26.07.07
WHAT?: Someone train the people in charge please.... Current mood: pissed off
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o a normal Thursday night, went to the monthly Drum n Bass in the Savoy Cork. Things are looking up and vibrating along the merry way. I’m getting a drink when out of the blue comes a lad holding a deep gash in his arm and screaming that he needs an ambulance. Then three guys are escorted, hands behind their backs from the dance floor outside. Five minutes later a guy covered in his own blood is brought downstairs. They seemed to have missed the critically injured bleeding guy in the midst of the ruckus!
I should have bottled him, maybe I would have been let go without charge then!?
Things get worse. A few minutes later I’m outside and people don’t seem to know what to do. There is about five security members holding the really injured guy down, tripping him up intentionally and worsening his pumping cuts each time they knock him to the floor. The guilty party is standing there while everyone is trying to tell the security that they need to grab him as he is the one who bottled the other two. No one goes near him and he walks off. At this stage I see that the really injured guy has two bad wounds, one under his eye and the other deep in the back of his head. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much blood. So I decide to call 999, the emergency line ya!? It takes a good 5 minutes to explain to the person on the other end that yes this is an emergency.....I was talking pretty clearly too..... ’’We need one ambulance, two garda cars, very fast, someone is loosing a lot of blood, Savoy Cork, Patrick street’’...... I hear nothing, long pause.... ’’So what is the nature of your complaint exactly?’’ I explained two more times and they then realised that it probably was an emeregency seeing as I had called 999. This then had left a considerable amount of time for someone to have lost even more blood.
I mean please I’ve gone through intense training for silly things like manual handling and making a good coffee. Do the authorities not undergo intense training in psychology and crowd control training. There are obviously going to be people who are freaked at any situation like this and the people who have been elected by the company or government to be in charge of the whole thing need to be competent. Like learning how to deal with someone with bad injuries, like not tripping them up onto their face.
STEVE JOHNSON ©
The garda finally arrived, shouted for the friend of the injured guy to fuck off, he was only applying pressure to the guys face and translating for him as his first language wasn’t English. The guy was almost unconcious on the ground, blue faced as I couldn’t see through the cover of red, when the paramedics arrived. Everyone was panicking, the culprit gone, no translator now. Chaos.
Could I just walk in and get a security job, keeping in mind I’m a smallish girl who doesn’t exactly look threatening!? This is the last straw in my array of incidents witnessed by the ‘‘People in Charge’’ in this country. I will say now for sure that if I ever have a problem I’m taking martial law into my own hands as not once have I to resorted the Garda and been satisfied with the outcome. To top it all off I have read that they caught the guy who bottled the two lads in a main club in Cork city and they are letting him go without charge while the two are in critical condition (as I heard last) in hospital. Justice.....what justice? I’m being brought to court this year for asking for a warrant when a garda barged into a friends house without a word, I should have bottled him, maybe I would have been let go without charge then!?. City Mouse 9
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Issue 01
PRICE WAR ON TERROR
ROY WAVERS
Many of the UK’s brave retail outlets have come together to form a coalition of the willing, each of whom have declared an all out price war on terror.
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t a press conference held today a spokesman for Tescos UK, one of the stores involved, said “long enough have our people been under the tyranny of the outrageous prices of international terrorism. Today marks a defining moment for freedom and more importantly for savings.” While at first the links between retail rates and the terrible events of September eleventh seem tenuous, investigations carried out by this newspaper in conjunction with the more patriotic of our supermarkets reveal startling links.
Sheik Rat El Enroll denied his asscociation with any terror funding.
SHNAILY Have you ever considered where the profits from the thousands of corner shops and convenience stores dotted around the U.K are channelled? You’d think that the exorbitant mark ups would be more than enough to provide our neighbourhood shopkeepers with all the trappings of wealth. However as you’ll have seen for yourself this is not the case, instead every spare cent is used to support extremist cells in the Ireland or channelled through Solomon Island based bank accounts to fund the insurgents of Afghanistan and Iraq. As part of our enquiry we sent agents into the murky underground world of the cornershop network, their experience confirms our worst suspicions as one of them confirms: LAURA FAHY ©
10
SNUFF “The interview and training process were gruelling, weeks were spent attempting to weed out the weak and unholy at secret training camps. We were trained to maintain, load and fire pricing guns, and taught the aims of the operation: To provide the infidels with corrupt western goods like cigarettes, junk food, and pornography at inflated prices and direct the takings to Al Qaeda.
Gruelling, weeks were spent attempting to weed out the weak. “It was due to this startling new information that we felt we had to act” revealed Tesco’sVice-chairman Reg Tucker speaking at today’s announcement. “By forming this coalition of the willing, the willing to slash prices, we are going to cut the funds available to the radicals who wage war on all free shoppers. By making prices so incredibly low that no patriotic consumer would dream of selling out his country by purchasing goods from the axis of evil commerce.” When asked for comment the head of the small traders association, Sheik rat el anroll, replied that the claims were ridiculous and nothing more than just the latest in a series of attempts by greedy corporations to put the small shop owner out of business. Well he would say that wouldn’t he. We at ‘The Whipping Post’ fully support the valiant actions of the U.K’s national supermarkets and are proposing a national boycott on the insidious convenience stores of Ireland. So the next time you are about to hand over E4 for a packet of gum, or shell out E7 for a crusty meat pie, think of the hundreds of lives your careless actions will destroy. Instead bring your hard earned cash to a patriotic store and save for freedom.
BOUNCER ENJOYING INFLATED SENSE OF SELF
A
member of security in a busy establishment in the heart of Limerick City is said to be more than happy with his current status of doorman, and all the perks that go with it. Our man from Garryowen caught up with him recently to see what he had to say “Bouncing was not exactly a career choice for me it was something that just kinda happened. No one has ever called me clever and I hated school, but enjoyed sports. I had a bash at rugby, both codes, but something always held me back. In union I could never remember the calls and in league I could never keep count of the tackles. That fifth one is a killer. I’d been doing a few odd jobs when a mate of mine suggested bouncing.” As a seasoned veteran of the nite club scene, Bob is ecstatic
Why don’t you try stickin your head up your ass & see if it fits. about the new licensing laws. “Years ago a punter would have to be well oiled and aggro before you could even think about chuckin him out, now the slightest stumble is enough to chuck someone out, and there’s nothing better than a good chuckout. It does wonders for the self-esteem.” He went on to say that the hidden bonuses are what keeps him going. Such as halfprice drinks, the odd inebriated horny Leaving Certer and being able to claim that trainers are not appropriate footwear. As we left him, our burly guardian of the door was getting shirty with a potential customer on the grounds that any I.D. except a driver’s licence or passport was not acceptable. We would like to wish our esteemed comrade continued success and happiness in his chosen profession.
01.08.07
www.myspace/postwhip.com
INTINN SOUND
INTINN BAND MEMBERS CIAN FINN - Vocals & Guitar | DANIEL MAC EOIN - Bass | IARLA FOX - Drums ZANA GOODALL - Keys & Flute Intinn are a four piece irish reggae band who play a blend of conscious reggae, raggamuffin, heavy dub, dancehall and raggajungle. Over the past three years they have hosted regular nights in Cork and Galway and have toured Ireland extensivley, playing at many venues and festivals such as Life 2007 and Mantua 2006/2007 alongside acts such as zion train and natty wailer. Intinn have also toured france and have recently returned from playing the sunsplash festival in italy. Intinn are planing a tour of New Zealand this winter but will be playing across Ireland for the rest of the summer and throughout autumn. WWWW.INTINNSOUND.NET INTERVIEW 14.08.07
POST: Alright Lads INTINN: Irie Brother POST: So how long you been going? INTINN: Long time, we got the sound together down south 4 years back. POST: Intinn is an Irish word right. Where’d you get it, whats it mean? INTINN: Intinn translates as the mind and spirit, to me it means consiousness and awareness. The origins of we and word began with me asking Iarla how would you say, ‘free your mind’ as gailege. to which he replied, ‘scoail saor do intinn’ let free your mind, this became the name for the first nights we ran in Cork which later broke down to Intinn. POST: Who are your major influences? INTINN: Heavy Dub Soundsystems like Galways own Rootical Sound system and Cork’s Revelation Sound, a lot of Jamician Roots of course, Studio 1 Recordings, Denis Brown, Burning Spear, Barrington Levy, Tenor Saw and contempary artists like Sizzla & Capelton. The ragga jungle style like Soundmurderer and The Bug would be a big influence along with UK sounds such as the Iration Steppas, Vibronics and Jah Tubbys. POST: Have you had much feedback and interest in your music? INTINN: We have, more so in France and Italy when we played over there. We have got a great response from New Zeland organisations and the group Katchafire who I met at the Sunsplash Festival this summer, so things look good for our tour there this winter.
POST: Where have you performed? INTINN: West Cork and City, France,Galway town, Sunsplash fest Italy , Dublin city, Derry, Limerick ,Barcelona, Millstreet, Inisbofin island and beyond. POST: Who writes your songs? What are your themes or topics for most of your songs? INTINN: All hands cme together for the sounds, Rossport, Hill of Tara, Irelands Heroin problem, Peace and love and legisation of the good stuff. POST: Ever had any crazy shit happen when playing gigs or on the road? INTINN: Speakers on fire, hair up in flames, police invasions, fire and safety shut downs, managment threats and countless skanks from vampire venues, and the Irie side, group of kids 10 strong got up on the stage at the Mantua 06’ and ran riot, heavy gold toothed rastas took the mic by force in France, thunder and lighting storm in Italy mid gig and countless tales of crazy booze fueled looneys acting up. POST: How can we gain access to your music? Do you have a website? INTINN: www.intinnsound.net and the myspace is www.myspace.com/intinn, myspace is class for contacting other bands and has music and gig dates easy to access. we have an EP which can be found at the gigs and we are in the middle of recording the first album at the moment. POST: Any last words? INTINN: Connemara Roots Festival 29th Sept (see right) Peace, Love and Unity.
CONNEMARA ROOTS
Introducing Connemara Roots Festival 2007. The festival will be taking place on the beautiful island of Inishbofin, 7 miles off the coast of Galway on September 29th.It will be the first time Inishbofin Island will play host to a festival of this magnitude. The festival will be fuelled by the music of two mighty culture’s , showcasing Traditional Irish Music and Roots Reggae. The idea behind this festival is to bring people together from all walks of life through the celebration of music, age old and contemporary, in the beautiful land of Inishbofin. Respect, Appreciation, Culture, Love. TRAD TENT Dolares Keane Alec Finn Cathleen Cannon Geraldine King The Inishboffin Keili Band More T.B.A REGGAE TENT Natty Wailer Intinn Talimah Alligator Erin Noon Revelation Soundsystem Rootical Soundsystem More T.B.A
Wwww.connemararoots.com
Beat the credit card companies at their own game by running up massive bills on your credit cards and then killing yourself before your statements arrive. Benny O Toole Ballina
11
whipeditor@gmail.com
Issue 01
HOT AND NOT WHATS HOT
FATHER SLADE
SECRET CONFESSIONS SHARED
DAVID HASSELLHOFF After his stint in rehab the musically gifted hoffmeister brings the lowly casio to a whole new level in his new E.P ‘I’m not too old for loving’ THE DOLE The Highest Rate in Europe, 185 bucks a week, and thats without rent allowance BATS Kick-ass nu-math-rock band, check em out CRYSTAL MAZE The repeats on Challenge are doubly entertaining, not only do you get to watch the contestants failing miserably, but you also get a laugh out of their ludicrous hairstyles and shell suits. The bald presenter is crucial. THE WICKED CHICKEN Check out Thursday nights with Pete The Beat for some broken funk action in one of Limericks best little bars.
.....AND WHATS NOT
“Last week I went to the beautiful town of Feakle. I’ve been filling in for a friend of mine who had to go away for awhile. Under the new clergical rights amendment laws I am allowed to share the sins of the people, with the people, so help you god.”
TINY TIM: I was mean to my sister and said a bad
word.
SLADE: “Two hail marys for you my son” ANTO GLYNN:I employ a load of Polish lads to pick mushrooms. I work the bollocks off them and pay them fuck all, I know their desperate and cant stop exploiting them. SLADE: “There is nothing wrong with working the bollocks off them but you should always throw them a few quid like. Tempting as it is you must be fair to your fellow Christian. Three Ar fathers.” JACINTA O’ SULLIVAN: I’ve been pissing in the coffee
machine at work.
SLADE: “Jaysus! there is no excuse for that kind of carry on. Ten Hail Marys, off with ya. E. WANGLEWOOD: I stuck a banger up a cats arse and
lit the fucker up. GREEDY BASTIDS Ireland is now the second richest in the world, sounds like good news, but just 1% of the population own 20% of the wealth. I think it’s time the peasants revolted. THE MULLET The mullet used to be hard-ass haircut, as sported by Kurt Russell and Mel Gibson. Now it’s a style for pretentious wimps. TEXT WRITING I h8 txt msgs dat r dun like dis. THE BROG Yeah, I know its always got a good crowd and the music is grand and theres no strict dress code, but every night out there is so monotonous that I can’t distinguish one from another. BUTTEVANT, CORK Perhaps I’m being unfair, I haven’t after all spent more than twenty minutes in the town, but even at that, I’ve always been pretty eager to get the fuck out of there. E. Mcgregor
SLADE: “Shame on you my son, the fires of hell will teach you regret.” DEANO Y2K: I’ve been selling underweight ten spots to school kids. SLADE: “If you don’t somebody else invariably will. Still the church doesn’t condone that kind of behavior. Ten Ar Fathers for you sunshine.” MR. SMITH: Im a pilot and have a serious addiction to alcohol. I‘ve been flying planes drunk for years. SLADE: “I myself enjoy a drink and what is one supposed to do when one is in the arsehole of nowhere, pissed at four in the morning. Fuck getting a taxi, the bastards would bleed you dry. But cars and planes are different matters altogether. 15 Hail Marys.”
IM A 3.5 ON
I
THE BRISTOL SCALE
n this day and age being healthy has never been trendier, organic this, free range that, exercise regularly and lower the fat. But are we really in touch with the condition of our own bodies and their functions? A fully consistent and reliable method of monitoring ones health in the comfort of your own home has for been largely overlooked by our nation..until now.
BRISTOL
SCALE
This month we at The Post are promoting the use of the Bristol scale in accordance with the National Faecal Association of Ireland (N.F.A.I), regular checking of faecal matter can aid in the early detection and prevention of many minor and major body disorders. In a perfect world the average whipping post reader should be aiming for a 3.5 on the Bristol scale, This textbook bowel movement can only be achieved with a nicely balanced diet and is harder to perfect than one might think. Booze hounds and fast food heads will be only too familiar with the deprived and disgusting creations of a 6 or 7 while those suffering from liver congestion will know the painful shame of a 1 or 2. Help is at hand.
Get up off your arse and peer into the murky depths of colonic semiotics. Readers interested in maintaining good Bristol are advised to balance out their diets, record changes in food intake and Bristol activity and keep a close eye on any discrepancies. Draw out a chart which can be filled in on a daily basis, maybe make a copy of this Bristol scale and hang it in your workplace toilet. This will not only make an interesting conversation topic but will also be invaluable to the health of your work colleagues. It goes without saying that the key to a 3.5 is a diet containing large amounts of fresh fruit and vegetables balanced with small amounts of meat, fish, dairy and wholegrains, something that the average Irish Joe soap is unfamiliar with. The time has come to get up off your arse and peer into the murky depths of colonic semiotics, learn to love your bodily functions and the wisdom they can provide. Hail to the Bristol, your own medical consultant on hand 24/7, this is not a joke, this is a turning point in modern living. One must learn to leave behind any social stigmas they might have carried, digestive health in 3.5 form can only be achieved through thoughtful diligence and careful planning. Spread the word and scale so all your friends can enjoy the pleasure and satisfaction of releasing a glorious brown trout, slap bang in the middle of the Bristol scale. Remember this, It’s your health, in your bowl. Be wide.
TYPE 1
Sausage-shaped but lumpy TYPE 2
TYPE 3
TYPE 4
TYPE 5
More info on Bristol related matters can be found at www.answers.com/topic/bristol-stool-scale
W
TOJUN MAI
THE WISE CRACK
Separate hard lumps like nuts (hard to pass)
TYPE 6
Don’t Let Tomorrow Get you down Today TYPE 7 The Whipping Post
Like a sausage but cracks on the surface Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft Soft blobs with clear cut edges (easily passed) Fluffy pieces with ragged edges, a mushy stool Watery, no solids pieces, entirely liquid |
Email: whipeditor@gmail.com
whipeditor@gmail.com
Issue 01
SPRAOI
REVIEWS
Waterford 13/14th July
N
MUSIC FILM ART FOOD
AMBULANCE
Directed by Larry Cohen, starring Eric Roberts and James Earl Jones, 1989)
CHARLIES BAR 2 Union Quay Cork
The Whipping Post would like to share with you some fine early bars dotted through out Munster and this month we take a look at Charlie’s bar in Cork, I’ve frequented this place quite a lot in the wee hours, it is one of half a dozen or so early morning pubs in Cork that are licensed to sell drinks from 07:00 in the morning on. Legendary drinkers in search of some early booze or workers on night shifts can get their favourite tipple right here in the wee hours. A visit to Charlies is some experience. Watch the conspiratorial silent understanding of the visitors ‘howya’. See the place bopping at a time when most a those 9 - 5 normal folkies are just about ready for their first cup of coffee, laugh at them with ignorance. Expect some riveting & sophisticated conversation and a great and friendly atmosphere. Charlie’s is a bar that can most be recommended to a “normal” drinking crowd during proper drinking hours as well, just don’t go gettin too rowdy or shiftin your beour or you’ll be out on your ear. They also have an Internet facility available and offer the occasional trad session in the evenings.. ‘I loves it’ JOHNSON
itarist Sex pistols gu ted nce admit Steve Jones o to a ejaculating in d feeding it bread roll an er Glen emb fellow band m atlock. M
T
he movie opens to an 80’s-style sax-solo squawking and wailing over some crowd shots of New York (back when it was the most badass city in the world). It then cuts to Fifth Avenue where our hero, Josh (Eric Roberts, sporting a bona-fide, original-80’s-andnot-one-of-these-fake-ass-contemporary“reinterpretation”-mullets mullet, and kitted-out with a silvery, shoulder-padded electric-leather jacket with the sleaves rolled-up) is strutting around thinkin he’s the Hot Shit, dork-face! He then spots a sassy Manhattanite Working Girl, and trys to chat her up all smooth like. And he’s actually doing okay but then she faints, and a limo pulls up with this shady looking Evil Doc inside, who produces a walkie-talkie and mutters into it “she’s down so send in the Ambulance”. Almost immediately a 50’s-style Ghostbuster’s ambulance pulls-up, and two goons pile the stricken dame into the back before driving off again, leaving our randy hero befuddled and frustrated. I’m not gonna bother relating the rest of the convoluted, asinine plot, except to say that Joshua gets his cereal-milk spiked, winds-up in the crazy Doc’s lab, breaks out but-not-before-he-uncovers-a-citywide-illicit-organ-transplant-scheme, which he then tries to persuade the Police Chief (James Earl Jones, who later gets shot and dies while still chewing on his Wrigley’s Spearmint Gum) of, which leads to a few tedious chase scenes after which the offending Ambulance is trackeddown to a niteclub (don’t ask…). Oh yeah and the Doc gets his come-uppance when the Ambulance explodes with him inside (I think Josh shoots-out the fuel line or whatever during the final face-off). As for the gal, Josh rescues her only to find-out she’s already got a boyfriend, what a dose. Nevermind, he still gets to shack-up with some poodle-permed female police officer he met along the way. Anyways, this film is somehow just about watchable due to its morbidly-fascinating awfulness, but as the fella said good luck finding it anywhere. ELK DANGERFIELD
14
ot being originally from these parts, this was my first time in Waterford, and of course it would have to be a fucking washout. So there I was visiting my mate Steve and he tells me the whole town’s going on this weekend-long piss-up called “Sproai”. However the streets are pretty much deserted on account of the shitty monsoon-like weather we’ve been smited with this entire summer. Even the band-stand erected along the quays was deserted, with the acts being re-scheduled to perform at various indoor locations in the city centre. One of these last-minute venues was Masons, and we mosey on down to catch one of the bands there, but it turns out to be a complete shithole, one of those establishments that made a half arsed attempt to be trendy but then gave up after they decided it would be more profitable to cater to all those ubiquitous jock-boozehound cashed-up feens. So we flake off down to Downses, where there were no bands but was still a savage pub all the same, dark and dingey and full of incoherent regulars, manky discarded furniture and enigmatic smells. After a few there we head back to that queasy dive Masons cos there was meant to be a decent punk band playing there. However the doormen had obviously since received instuctions not to allow anyone who looked even vaguely subversive through that establishment’s mock-beechwood portal, and they dutifully proceeded to accost my mate Steve:
BOUNCER: (referring to Steve’s hoodie): You’ll have to take that off y’know. STEVE: What, you mean right now here in the rain, or when I’m just inside the door? BOUNCER: Well it seems you’re clearly intoxicated, you can’t come in tonite lads. Well fuck them and their dodgy wannabeyuppie-den anyways, and we trudge through the driving rain up to a daycent aul’ spot called Geoffs, paying 5 squid for a hot dog (no relish, no chilli sauce available) along the way. Again no band to be seen or heard, but even so twas a grand, Brog-like space in which to down a few. Come 2o’clock and I’m fairly wrecked so we all crash at Steve’s aul’ pair’s savage town house, and that was my experience of “Sproai”. Had to head back to Cork early the next day for work and wouldn’t ya know but that cunt of a sun decides to show its unfamiliar mug as soon as the bus pulls-out of Waterford, and sure didn’t they bate us in the hurling that afternoon so I’d say the town went on an almighty bender that evening, but I didn’t know anything about it cos I was back here working for The Man. ELK DANGERFIELD
01.08.07
www.myspace/postwhip.com
10 DAYS OFF
Gent, Belgium 13/14th July
10 AMON TOBIN ‘Foley Room’ Ninja Tunes.
G
enius of noise manipulation and uncompromising musical auteur, Amon Tobin has released, “Foley Room”. On this album Tobin decided it was time to re-think his compositional processes. Having made several albums from reconstructed vinyl sources it was time to look at what else could be pulled apart and reconfigured. A foley room is where the sound effects are recorded for films. Foley artists use their imagination and ingenuity to make the right noise for the situation they are presented with. With this in mind, Amon and a team of assistants headed out into the streets with high sensitivity microphones and recorded found sounds from tigers roaring to cats eating rats, from wasps to falling chickpeas, kitchen utensils to motorbikes to water dripping from a tap. Added to this were the sounds of musicians like the Kronos Quartet, Stefan Schneider and Sarah Pagé, Tobin travelling from foley rooms in Montreal to San Francisco to Seattle and back as he collected them. He then took this wealth of source material and twisted it round into the haunting, muscular music you can hear throughout this remarkable album. If a theme runs through “Foley Room” it is what Amon describes as “the pairing of sounds that share a sonic quality despite being otherwise unrelated”. And beyond this, of course, his belief that source material is just that – a source, something to be processed, warped and manipulated until it runs beyond itself. This isn’t an avant garde or deliberately obtuse record, rather a way for Tobin to freshen up his approach to music whilst tipping his cap to the musique-concrete and found sound pioneers of the past. There seems to be a new aural depth to his sound, a living looseness despite the almost forensic way in which the music has been pieced together. As ever with Tobin, there are moments of spectral oddness as well as those of sheer exhilaration. Most of all, though, there is a consistency of vision as you are dragged backward through moods and sensations which encourages you to see the record not as a collection of “tracks” but as a whole piece. Unique and compelling, “Foley Room” is set to stand out. Tobins full name is Amon Adonai Santos de Araujo Tobin and that Tobin comes from his Irish stepfather. NICKY MARKS
days off is an electronic music festival that lasts for 10 fuckin days, its on in Gent, a city 40 mins outside Brussels by train and its somewhere i hope never to return. I arrived on day 7 of this Techno festival not knowing what would happen as i had never been to one of these gigs before and not a huge fan of tecno but having some clue as i’m no stranger to early morning sunrise’s in west cork. The venue was well wicked, a big old building with three level’s up middle and basment, basment being where all the magic happens and the best d’js. The next two days cosisted of shit loads of...??????????? ???????????///f?F?F???????????f/fgf?????????. I came out the door on Sunday morning at 8 o’clock, strolled over to a railing which over looked this lovely canal and thought to myself I’m still alive thanks be to God, so i sat down and lit up a smoke and thats when i decided i never want to hear a fuckin techno beat ever again in my life, but man it was well worth it right up until that point. If your into techno you’ll appreciate this festival, it takes a special kind off love to a appreciate gigs such as this, I thought I had the appreciation for most of those two days but when i left that gig to go for a walk and get some water I met these two belgium fellas who started asking me questions about the gig like, who was your favorite DJ? and did you see this DJ last night? and telling me stuff like they thought it was too progressive and there wasn’t enough of this and should of been more of that, I laughed my ass off cause all I can remember from any set is BANGin loud beat’s with a couple of bloops thrown in for good measure techno techno techno. Good laugh tho. I’d recomend this to any one but only once Dancin DRYZI
BELLERUCHE Turntable Soul Music
“Handmade hip hop blues soul, like Sarah Vaughan, Charlie Christian and Cut Chemist stuck in a dusty second hand record store with wine and a sampler, Belleruche make turntable soul music”. Belleruche are DJ Modest (DJ/Producer), Ricky Fabulous (guitarist) and Kathrin deBoer (vocalist), and their first album, ‘Turntable Soul Music’, is pretty easy on the ear. They signed to the funk/soul/ jazz label ‘Tru Thoughts’ this year and their debut is a mix of smoky jazz vocals, Portishead/Lamb style hip-hop beats and soulful bluesy melodies. According to their myspace page, the three met in a London street market whilst running from the law, banks and parents. Whilst holed up in Modest’s flat, he and Fabulous noticed Kathrin singing whilst making tea. They formed a plan and the band was born out of a shared love of old vinyl, true funk and real soul music”. Whatever happened they came together and made a nice albeit short record(the Vinyl has 9 tracks, and the CD has 11). Don’t let the word ‘Turntable’ confuse you, this album is not made up of turntable trickery and experimental scratch solos. The album is made up of very simple elements; and at no time do the songs seem cluttered. The scratching and guitar are understated throughout the album this helps to keep the sound smooth. All the tracks have a very vintage feel; this is largely down to Kathrin’s soft vocals. She has a voice not that dissimilar to Sarah Vaughan or Roisin Murphy. Her lyrics are clear and coherent and it works well with the music layed down by Modest and fabulous.
Fuckin Shite.
I liked most of the songs on the album but for me the standout tracks are the more up tempo ones, ‘Northern Girls’, ‘Minor Swing’, ‘Bird Mess’ and ‘The Itch’ are all very good. I’ve been listening to this album for the last month and it hasn’t faded for me. In fine style ‘Tru Thoughts’ have added another great album to their catalog. Along with ‘Floating Heavy’ by ‘Me&You’ and ‘Rawville’ by ‘The Bamboos’ this has been a really strong summer for the UK Label..
ANDY G
P.T.B.
THE THRILLS Everything they’ve ever done.
15
whipeditor@gmail.com ACROSS 1. 12 inches 6. Love Pump 9. Dong 10. Member 11. Sausage 12. Shaft 13. Meat Knife 15. Wang 18. Johnson 21. Lad 24. Rooter 25. Pecker 28. Sodomiser 29. Knob 30. Bone 31. Jackson DOWN 1. Groan Hole 2. Hairy Clam 3. Axe Wound 4. Gash 5. Snatch 6. Oinker
Issue 01
SEPTICCROSSWORD
Hi Its Gemma, I’m up the duff
ach nooo...... not again gemma!
Gemma’s, up the duff
6.5. Fish Abyss 7. Funbox 8. Front Bum 9. Gee 10. Loose Kebab 13. Vadge 16. Beaver 18. Beef Curtains 19. Pork Envelope
What! Again?
CLASSIFIEDS Let it out
Drinking folk
Secret Agents
Positions available for openminded general operatives. A new under ground base at an undisclosed location is seeking workers. Mono-rail experience is Contact: Castle Estates an advantage but not necessary. Brightly coloured uniforms will Free Money be provided. Applicants should People needed for large pyramid Contact: The closest drinking apply to: scheme. Large entry fee. Excel- hole Contact: hankscorpio@megololent profit potential guaranteed maniacs.com Distributors but unrealistic. Shitty, over rated, over priced accommodation available In all major cities across Ireland. Deposits unlikely to be returned.
Contact: Ben 0872141907
Obnoxious drunk twats needed to purchase large amounts of over priced alcohol in bars and nightclubs across the country. Shirts, shoes and a pig ignorant attitude is expected as well as a shite taste in music.
Party
Positions available for distributors. whipeditor@gmail.com
Loose females required for my mates 21st in October. Reasonable attractiveness an advantage but not completely necessary. A certain amount of free booze will be supplied. Contact: Micky 0879339610 SUBMIT Your adds printed here, with a circulation of 5000 issues, we make sure you’ll be seen. whipeditor@gmail.com
THE HORROR SCOPE Your death will come this week as the evil spirits who inhabit the burial ground under your home seek revenge on the living. On the plus side you’ll live slightly longer than the rest of your family, who you slaughter before turning the gun on yourself.
You will die this week when somebody finally appreciates you for your brains; the zombies who eat them. The rest of the week will be spent staggering about the town with your new undead friends looking for a feast of human flesh.
That obesity problem will finally catch up with you and so will the pack of wolves who you are too fat to run away from. Your plentiful supply of meat will help to prepare the wolves for for the coming winter months.
You will be beaten to death by an angry mob, who, drunk on bloodlust, mistake you for the disfigured freak who lives in the woods. your memory will be used to frighten little children for centuries to come.
Smoking has been proved to kill. So have deranged madmen with chainsaws. Rest assured you can smoke in relative safety this week. Unfortunately the same cannot be said about your night time jog in the park.
Mars and venus are divergent which means you virgos will have a prosperous month. Unfortunately you’ll have no time to spend your new cash, as the medical tests that pay you will have some lethal side-effects.
You will put pay to the notion that time heals all things when you die from the horrible wounds inflicted upon you by the unfortunate miscalculation made by that numbskull at the bungee jump.
That trip to the Egyptian exhibition at the museum sounds good now, but you’ll have plenty of time to think over your decsision as the high priestess of the Pharaoh eats your soul for the next thousand millenia.
This week the moon is in alignment with saturn. fortue will smile on you in your workplace and you will be noticed by your superiors. Romance is in the air as a charming, exotic stranger enters your life.
You will become famous today and achieve imortality in the guiness book of records. Alas it will be as the 395th and final victim of the Sydney strangler the worlds deadliest ever serial killer.
You will find new solace in religion this week as you join a new community of worshipers who invite you to join them find a better place. This solace will be short lived and replaced with excrutiating pain during your mass suicide
Make the most of these next few days, contact your friends and family, tell your boss to get fucked, spend all your cash and if needs be come out of the closet, because on Sunday at 7.30pm you will spontaneously combust
16
MISSING BOAT
Last seen in St. Johns College Cork suspected to be in Kinsale attached to a 26ft Dark blue boat with a golden stripe around hull. If you have any Information please call: 085 8163091
MickeyMartins AugustinianLane SEPTEMBER: DJ SOUNDS IN THE BAR Sat. 1. Funkshun! Classic and rare funk party grooves. Sun.
2.
Jeff. Cool indie sounds.
Thur. 6. Whipping post magazine launch, with Various djs. Fri. 7. Cheebah. Beats of every type from rock to reggae! Sat.
8.
Cheebah. Disco in all forms!
Sun. 9. Rainiers. Mellow soul and jazz. Thur. 13. BRIGAdier J.C. seriously funky world music. Fri. 14. Keith Disconaught. Special Cheebah guest night of Total disco. Sat. 15. Peter Curtain. Soul party with serious records. Sun. 16. Jeff. Cool indie sounds. Thur. 20. Cian O. Reggae and House beats. Fri. 21. Cheebah. Groove based beats of all sorts. Sat. 22. Sun. 23.
Broken funk, with Pete the Beat. DJ Barham. Old school Hiphop and funk.
Fri. 28.
Cheebah. Soul to reggae via Hiphop and disco!
Thur. 27. Johnny Doobs.Hip hop and more.
Sat. 30. Funkshun! With special guest Dj OB, a funk specialist from Dublin. Sun. 31. Cubeman and Peter. Polish reggae dj and an irish groove dj team up! 17
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