Summer / September 1995 - Binghamton Review by Binghamton Review

BINGHAMTON REVIEW Volume 9 Number I

Binghamton

University~路 Journal

a/Opinion

SununcrlScptcmber 1995

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BINGHAMTON REVIEW Summer/September 1995

Volume 9, Number 1 "God who gave us life gave us liberty" -Thomas Jefferson . Editor-in-Chief Nathan Lewis Wurtzel Business Manager Lee Markiewicz

Departments This issue's editorials decry the biased media coverage of the Oklahoma City bombing and tell you a bit about the Review

Absurdities from around the world make their appearance in the all new Quibbles & Bits

Senior Editor and Good Taste Arbitrcss Teresa McGoff Layout Editor Jeff Cohen

Campus Presswatch, our brand new feature, unmasks the leftist tendencies of the campus media- in their own words

Features Anthony Benardello researches the militia movement and finds a surprise- they're not all that bad Mitchell Berger reviews the notable happenings and numerous pitfalls of the year gone by

Copy Editor Joshua Trapani

Faculty Advisor Dr. Aldo Bernardo

Binghamton Review is an independent journal of news, analysis, opinion, and commentary. Students at Binghamton University receive the Review free of charge. Binghamton Review is published on the first Monday of every month during the school year (except January). Subscriptions to the Review are $20 per year and can be ordered through the editorial and business office located at UU-164 or mail: Binghamton Review POBox 6000 Binghamton, N. Y. 13902'{;000 Unsolicited manuscripts must be accompanied by the author's current address and phone number. All submissions become the property of the Review. The Review reserves the right to edit and print any submission. Preference will be given to members of the Binghamton University community.

Binghamton Review is a member of the Collegiate Network.

Politically Correct Lexicon 1 C3'I The makes another appearance 6DC()) Joshua Trapani imagines what BU might be

like in 1999- 1et's hope it 's just fiction Lee Markiewicz catches Congressman Maurice Hinchey on campus- the result is not entirely predictable

Orientation Special

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Allison Farrell digs deep into Orientation for this month's cover story and finds nothing but childishness

Amy Gardner introduces you to that insitution of competence and civility- the Student Association

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Aleksandr Galitsky admires Professor Andrew Milnora Review detractor-but a heck of a lecturer

Teresa McGoff and Nathan Wurtzel take you on a brief tour of Binghamton The cover photograph of the Couper Administration Building was taken by Lee Markiewicz

Next Issue • Special investigative report on classroom political bias • A look at the new diversity requirement • Science fiction from a Binghamton alumnus Available on October 2, 1995

SununerlSeptember, 1995

Editorial

Of Liberty and Responsibility

iberty, George Bernard Shaw wrote, "means responsibility. That's why most men dread it." This, perhaps, is a truth felt nowhere more profoundly than in the hearts and minds of those fortunate enough to be granted membership into the most exciting of institutions-the American press. Armed with freedoms unmatched anywhere in the civilized world, the "Fourth Estate" has won itself acclaim by charging full throttle into the seamy underbelly of American politics and culture, exposing folly and fraud for all to witness. The press has always stood as a last bastion of fairness and decency, protecting the defenseless by swinging the sabre of truth at the powerful. What, then, are we to think of the irresponsible media feeding frenzy that followed the horrible bombing of the Federal Building in Oklahoma City on April 19? We were first told that Islamic fundamentalists~ the sort who had bombed the World Trade Center in 1993, were undeniably, definitely responsible. Then, like a thunderclap, we were introduced to the iron-jawed, shorn vis-

Letters Policy Letters to the editor are strongly encouraged and welcomed. Send them to: Binghamton Review P.O. Box 6000 Binghamton, N.Y. 13902-6000.

Submissions of less than 300 words are strongly enouraged. Submissions are subject to editing for clarity, readability, and legality. Letters are printed as space is made available and at the editor's discretion.

age of Timothy McVeigh, veteran of the Armed Forces and perhaps the most heinous mass murderer in American history. One of our own had turned on us and it was up to the press to fmd out why. There could have been, and still probably is, a sordid story of individual despair and malevolence behind the bombing, but we may never find out about it. Instead, in one of the most shameful displays in recorded history, the press politicized the tragedy by blaming Republican leaders Newt Gingrich and Robert Dole, insinuating that their desire to reduce the size of the government had created a climate of"iolence in America. Talk radio, we heard, was also at fault, with luminaries such as Rush Limbaugh implicated as rhetorical co-conspirators in the plot. Such analysis is shoddy at best and recklessly divisive at worst. To show the ridiculous extent to which this argument can be taken, tile above clip from Coup de Tete, Binghamton University's left-wing extremist publication, clearly advocates the assassination of Governor

Binghamton Review

BE A RESPONSIBLE SPORTSMAN

PRACTICE ON "'tJfIIi"U."'路...

Pataki

"".,,:禄f',L-vu... t.t .....

Could Coup de Tete be held responsible if someone acted on this advice?

Pataki. Or does it? Would anybody implicate this tiny campus newspaper if, God forbid, some nut were to take a shot at the Governor? Can we not agree that violence, notwithstanding political intent, is actually a personal attack on individual liberty? The bombing in Oklahoma City did not change government in any way, but it did end many lives and left millions racked with fear and grief If the press had exercised responsibility with the same vigor as it abused its liberties in covering this terrorist attack, we would perhaps think less of politics and more of the poor souls who were affected.

What is the Review, Anyway? The Binghamton Review was founded in 1987 by a group ofconservative s1udents who decided to fight back against Binghamton University's entrenched dogma of forced collectivism and political correctness. The Review's initial editorial stance was firmly conservative Republican, standing in bold opposition to the leftleaning Pipe Dream and the extreme leftist minor publications. Times have changed, however, and so has the Review, at least to some extent While we continue to champion individual economic freedom in the form of capitalism and the free market, many of the editors and writers have parted ways with conserva-

tism in the arena of individual social freedom, especially regarding the is-

sues of abortion, censorship, drug legalization, and homosexuality. These topics are sources of lively and often heated debate among the staff of the Review-a true indicator of what a university can be without the minddulling spectre ofpolitical correctness hanging over one's head. The Review is therefore not conservative and not libertarian, but an independent fusion ofboth ideologies. We are always fun, always informative, and always politically路 incorrect-those of you who would like to join the good humor and good debate are welcome.

Binghamton Review

Summer/September, 1995

Campus Presswatch

Gynegrapb Spring, 1995

COUll de Tete May, 1995

Karyn Bianco, radicalfominist and erst-

Our goodFiend John Bell, who is usu-

while philosopher, discovers the truthit's all Forrest Gump's fault ...

ally the voice o/reason at the otherwise ridi culolls Coup de Tete, loses it com-

pletely...

"[ stepped up to the Anderson Center to listen to former Olympic gymnast Cathy Rigby speak about the eating disorder she struggled with for over 12 yea rs ... ln true gumpian [sic] rhetoric, Rigby talked about the power of the â&#x20AC;˘individual' to reach his or her goals if sthe only tries. Like Little Forrest, run real [sic] fast and you will be able to throw of the shackles of your oppression and go for the gold (medal, Oscar) . Rigby and Gump got the gold, but they are exceptions rather than the norm. The fact that oppression is systematically perpetuated, regardless of how hard one attempts to resist it, is not accounted for."

Asian Outlook May. 1995

"Where do the Republicans go to get some money? That 's right, they choose opponen ts due to their tremendous , privileged power. It's the poor, children, the elderly. and students ... Children can live without a lunch at school; if they are poor they need to know now that society does not give a damn ... Two years and yo ur [sic] alI welfare--<loesn't matter if your kids need to eat, if your new job covers the bills or not, if yOU! health is bad, if you can 't get a job because child care is too ex-pcnsive- Iet 's destroy the future-i t's not our problem."

We are indeed Jortunate to have Chia Ling on the lookout for the hidden mean-

Pipe Dream May 5, 1995

ing behind the g re atest sco urge in

Pipe Dream Summer, 1995 Kevin Hsi provides!urlherevidence that today s "activisls"judge compassion not

by individual charity, but by how much the government spends...

"To me, all students should strive to be academic activists. This means standing up for your right to be educated. As the oft-quoted phrase goes--education is a right, not a privilege [Note: This sentence was incorrectly punctuated by Hsi and/or Pipe Dream, not us- Ed. ]. Don 't let anyone else tell you oOlenvise ... Let your campus leaders and your professors and friends know how you think. By remaining silent, you are allowing yourself to be oppressed and giving [sic] Pataki and his allies (both in New York and .Washington) just the ammunition they need. What we need are more doers and less whining from insensitive libertarians,"

America- the Pledge ofAllegiance ... 0111' clip

" Students in America pledge their allegiance to the flag every morning .. .[Note: Pledge omitted f or the sake of brevityEd. J Yet, how many of them understand the (un)importance of the allegia nce. How many are aware that if they are a person of color, they are not protected by the " liberty and justice" symbolized by the flag and the pledge. (How many are aware that they are in a nation under God, whether they believe in the almighty one or not?) America constantly operates in the mode of hypnotizing the masses and brainwashing the masses until the)' stop to question themselves and the infomlation Ole), receive."

If you find a funny Ilress clill like those above, send it to the Review. If you find it before we do, we'll print it and you' ll get the credit!

0/ the

month COlll~3-from dis-

ting uished scholar Rosa Nieves, who has not only invented several new rights, but has also discovered America's darkest secret- white men don 1 have to work. ..

"And just to educate you some more, I'll throw in a bonus and tell you a little about affirmative action. White males have been complaining lately that they are being discriminated against because of affirmative action. Puh-leeze, give me a break. You white males are the people in America who get all the opportunities and all the benefits. I, unlike you, have to work hard for my rights (and these do include education, money, health care, and jobs). I don't get everything handed to me on silver platters, because golly, my skin is not the " right" color. For your information, affirmative action does not, I repeat, does not give us any special privileges. Not by any stretch of the imagination ..."

/ Summer/September, 1995

Opioion

Militias: Friend or Foe? BY ANTHONY BENARDELLO

ahoma City. For decades, the ame will forever remind us of the cowardly act committed on April 19, 1995. This will be the anniversary of the day domestic terrorism struck the nation of America at her very heartland. What was the catalyst that allegedly compelled Timothy McVeigh and his cohorts Terry Nichols and Michael Fortier to embark on this course of destruction? Was it conservative rhetoric? Perhaps it was "talk radio?" Did they have help via these so-called militias? Just who are these militias? It was neither conservative rhetoric, nor talk radio that incited these sick people-it was, in fact, their own paranoid stand on what was happening in 1990's America. Certainly, it was not the mainstream militias-the MichiganMiIitia, to be exact-that fueled these men's hatred of government. To understand their actions, we must first investigate what prompted their paranoia. For the last sixty years, Americans watched the encroachment of a ballooning federal government as it exerted more control over their lives, thus diminishing their right to individualistic decision. For the last fifteen years, the citizens of America have been rebelling against big government and its corpulent excesses. This rebellion began with the election of Ronald Reagan in 1980 and slowly built st~, culminating in 1994 with the election of the first Republican Congress since 1952. Even with the implications of these elections, our government has continually intruded in the affairs of peaceful , law-abiding Americans, and herewithin lies the foundation of the Oklahoma City bombing. For years now, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms (BATF), has on occasion conducted itself like a bunch of KGB agents out to smash the

Bill of Rights. The BATF has conveniently forgotten about the right to worship as one pleases, not to mention " ... the right to keep and bear arms... " In 1986, President Reagan decided to abolish this band of ''jack-booted thugs," but was persuaded to change his mind by some mindless bureaucrat. On August 22, 1992, Randy Weaver was minding his own business when he and his family were ambushed by the BATF because he refused to spy on a white-supremacist group in his area. His punishment for this "crime?" Randy Weaver's wife had her head shot off while nursing their nine-month-old infant, his 14-year-old son was killed, as was the family dog. On April 19, 1993, the Branch Davidian compound was burned to the ground, killing 65 men and women, and 21 children. Children! Yes, the government killed innocent women and children. It is easy to see why someone would get angered over the s e crimes, but

Binghamton Review

to blow up a federal building, killing over 167 innocent men, women, and children, is in itself a cowardly act, unmatched even by our government. What of McVeigh and his "connections" to a militia group'! In 1991, McVeigh tried out for the Army's elite Special Forces (Green Berets). On the second day, he was dismissed from the SFAS (Special Forces Assessment and Selection) course, due to his failure of a psychological test. Should we be surprised by that revelation? It has been said that this was the point at which McVeigh began his tailspin into deep depression. He drifted to the fringe of society, along with his Army buddy, Terry Nichols. James Nichols, Terry's brother, was a Michigan Militia wannabe, but was dismissed from their meetings because of his extremist views and his desire for "taking the war to the government." The Michigan Militia has never advocated fighting or overthrowing the government. They have, in fact, taken an oath to "obey, protect, and defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic." That quote is taken from the same oath that the U.S. military, not to mention our elected officials, take upon election to office or commencement of military service. The Clinton regime and their friends in the liberal media claim that these militias are right-wing extremist groups bent on overthrowing the government. Nothing could be further from the truth. These groups (notwithstanding whitesupremacist organi7.ations such as the Militia of Montana and The Arizona Patriots), were fonned to aid the states if a local crisis erupted (natural disasters and the like). They were also fonned to help protect the state from a dictatorial federal government trampling on the Bill of Rights. What most of America doesn't know about these militias is that they are constitutional. The Second Amendment to the Constitution states: "A well regulatedMiIitia, being necessary to the security of a

Opinion

Binghamton Review

Summer/September, 1995

free State, the right of the people to keep violation of the Constitution. A federal policemen and federal agents? The anand bear Arms, shall not be infringed" judge on the 7th Circuit ordered the swer to all of these questions is no. The The Constitution, therefore, demon- Government to "cease and desist. n If a left did all these things and more durstrates that militias are a creatUre of the citizen was ordered to stop violating the ing the repugnant 1960's. Mainstream state, subject to being called forth by the rights of an individual, he would be ar- America did what it always does-voted US. government "to execute the laws of rested, convicted, imprisoned, and fined. the scoundrels out. As soon as the OKC the Union... " This is bolstered by the Why can't the Government be held to bombing happened, the left said it was wording of Article 1, Section 8, Subsec- the same laws? Because the Govern- the conservatives who instigated this act tionl6, which reserves to the states "the ment feels it is above the law; in reality, of cowardice. The conservatives are not responsible Appointment of Officers and the Au- they're not. Insofar as these facts are concerned, for the very things the left did in the thority of training the Militia... " Title 10, U.S. Code, Section 311, fur- does this give McVeigh, or whoever 1960 'so They did not instigate the bombther stipulates that the militia consists committed the crime, the right to blow ing ofOKC. The bombers, these misof all (emphasis added) able-bodied upa federal building, killing 167 people, creants of society, have been angry at males aged 17 to 45, both citizens and including twenty children? The answer the American government for decades. those who have declared their intent to That is because the liberals have controlled America's citizens with a conbecome citizens, and of female citizens who are National Guard officers. It also descending and dictatorial attitude for :,:.-,: specifies that the militia consists of two over forty years. The bombers took out classes: the organized militia and the un- ·"t~;~f:~er,e ·.,'i·~. ,,<;.A.~.erica!, their anger on innocent federal workers organized militia, or reserve militia. who were just doing their jobs. Just belike" cause the government has strayed way Many states have similar statutes. '/ponticians"w~\'have~'the off' course from the founders' intentions, Akhil Amar, Professor of Law at Yale University and author of the standard the bombers do not have the right to take :,to~o~;th~m 'out, text used to teach constitutional law in extreme measures to rectify the ·\'~~cr.<-Wh~~:~}·(~ey',·, are law schools all over America states: government's excesses. The 104th Con~,~'~~k~d':'t6, iea~e,'· t~ey· .do. gress, led by Speaker Newt Gingrich, tiThe ultimate right to keep and bear arms belongs to 'the people, , not the Thilt'is demf)cracy; it· has decided to end 40 years of virtual 'states.' Thus, the 'people' at the core dictatorship and roll back the federal ofthe SecondAmendment are the Citi- ,,0:~otks·:wi~;:jhtr.l\iIl:., of government. They have decided to cut zens-the same 'We the People' who taxes and enforce the Tenth Amend·:::,~e'~p~ple·.·'·:·e!~rytime 'ordain and establish' the Constitution ment-power to the states. What a and whose right to assemble is at the .• novel idea it is to follow the plans of .!!! .••.•... core of the First Amendment. Nowaour founding fathers. days, it is quite common to speak loosely Does all this cutting back of governofthe National Guard as 'the state miment sound like no government? Is cutlitia, ' but when the Second Amendment is a resounding no. ting taxes the same as not having taxes? was written 'the militia' referred to all We are a nation of laws with a tradi- Does the giving back of powers to the Citizens capable ofbearing arms. Thus, tion of constitutionality that has lasted states sound like anarchy? Again, the 'the militia' is identical to 'the people. P' over 220 years. Here in America, when answer is no. McVeigh and his terrorCase closed-the law is incontrovert- we do not like politicians, we have the ist friends are for the latter, conservaible. The people have the right to be- right to vote them out, and when they tives are for the former. There is a diflong to organized, or unorganized mili- are asked to leave, they do. That is de- ference. What the liberals want to do is mocracy; it works with the will of the instill fear in the hearts of Americans tias as they see fit. and politicize the bombing of OKC. Bill In Chicago, the Department ofHous- people-everytime it is tried. ing and Urban Development (HUD) deLet us take the case of the 104th Con- Clinton sought to tie the bombing with cided that it could violate the Fourth gress. The people ofAmerica had grown talk-show hosts like Rush LimbaughAmendment rights (search and seizure) tired of the federal government and its just when the President was acting like of the citizens of a federal housing ever present welfare state. What did the a leader, he shot himself in the foot project to protect them against them- people of our country do? Did they selves. Their plan was to make "sweeps" bomb federal buildings? Did they Anthony Benardello is a junior majorinto each project looking for guns and threaten anyone? Did they take up arms ing in political science. He was in the drugs. They had no warrant or court- against the very institutions that we were United States A rmy (Special Forces) for ordered action-this was an outright all brought up to respect? Did they kill 12 years. .'.-

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Sununerl Scptember, 1995

Retrospective

The Year in Review BY MITCHELL BERGER

sI year. several even ts contrib

uled to controversy on campus anging from quarrels in the SA (the student gove rnin g body) to Governor George Pataki's election, and the subsequent budget cuts. As in previous yea rs, left-wing professors and students continued to support a politically-biased diversity requirement that limited dissenting views. And. once again, Pipe Dream got into trouble. While the events obviously differ from year to year, the lesson that should be drawn from them appears the same: students need to become involved by electing responsible SA representatives, by participating in campus activities. and by keeping themselves apprised of what is happening on campus. Otherwise, a voca l minority of " liberal" student groups and professors will continue to was1e student money, create new requirements. and generally dominate

events on campus. TheA buses of Diversity

groups of what was going all . Ihavcri. an opponent of the requirement himself. narrowly sun'ivcd an attempt at impeachment on simi lar grounds. Finally. the council passed a proposal written by philoso phy professors Steven Ross and Donald Weiss. one which was more politically inclusive, but has the potential to become leftist cheerleading rather than academic scholarship.

No Elections, Please November was a happy time for those of us who believe that the government has undermined important cultural and ethical standards and squandered tax dollars on social programs that make problems worse. But those who believe money and government arc the answer

to everything were far less pleased. Even lobbying by Chris Cuomo and SUNY-B alumnus William Bladwin (brother of actor Alec) failed to com'ince students to register-Pataki defeated incumbent Democrat Mario

Cuomo and many For years now, "multicultural" leaders have been trying to establish a diversity requirement for new Harpur College students-for their own good, you understand. At the beginning of last year, the requirement called for study of prevalcnt " asymmetries of power in structures of oppression" and " resistances to the hierarchical relations of dominance." It was clear that the sponsors of the " diversity" requirement considered only their own views and courses as diverse. At the same time, controversy erupted when SA Academic Vice-President Dhiren Ihaveri appointed Cara Donlon as student representative at-large to HCC. Sponsors of the diversity requirement constantly harassed and interupted Donlon a nd eventually impeached her, ostensibly for not informing cu ltural

Bingham/on Review

mote elTiciency. that broad budget cuts to state institutions, including SUNY. arc required , if unfortu nate. At Binghamton. President lois B. DeFleur ordered a hiring freeze and prescribed other measures to save money. Perhaps a salary cut for the 33 SUNY-B administwtors and faculty earn ing over $ 1OO ,OOOl yr also would be in order! While some students appropriatel y lobbied legislators ill Alba ny, others led obnoxious campus rallies and walk-outs. Many left-wing campus acti vists insist that college education is a "right," not a privilege. Students stormed through the lecture halls, interrupting students who showed a real cOlllmittmcnt to education by going to class. When Governor Pataki visited SUNY -Binghamton unannounced to see his daughter compete in an "Odyssey of the Mind" competition for talented elementary school students, campus acti vists interfered with the competition, angering the parents and frightening the young competitors until Pataki agreed to meet with their representatives. Pataki spoke with students for about an hour. but when he left, some students attempted to pelt him "ith snowball s. Public security had to escort him off of campus.

of those who pro- ~

tested arterwards ~ rai led to votc. For ~

the Cuomo administration, spending money on social programs without regard to effectiveness was almost a renex. He left the state with a mammoth beauracracy. a 4 bi llion dollar deficit , and the highest individual tax burden in the nation.

Most ~ople can instinctively grasp that the state must spend less and pro-

SA Academic Vice-President Dhiren lhaveri lIarrowly sllrvivel/ several attempts to dismiss him

Binghamton Review

Retrospective

SUl1unerIScptemlx:r, 1995

than making it. Two incidents last year created controversy for the second best paper on campus. Printz and SA FinanThe 1994-95 Student Association budget allocated over $65',000 to cial Vice-President Tom Majewski intimidated Pipe Dream's editors in an misnamed and self-serving "cultural" groups such as the Latin American Stuattempt to prevent the publishing of an dent Union, the Black Student Union. article about tile Findikyan firing. Anthe Asian Student Union. and the gered over the incident and what she "Womyn's Center," Given how vitro lie viewed as slanted coverage of her feud tllese groups have with Walsh and been in attacking Jhaveri, Printz led anything that is the move to reduce Western, espethe number and ciall): American, u amount of Pipe .. an ti -cuI tu ral" ~ Dream 's stipends. groups might be a e Many students more appropriate ~ agreed that the stidescription . pends , ranging Rather than posifrom $250-$2500, tively promote were inapproprimusic, art, literaate. Eventually, ture, or other asboth sides compropects of culture, mised, with Pipe "cultural" groups Dream agreeing to support a politilimit stipends to cally biased E-Board members agenda calling for only. "diversity requirePipe Dream's ments" and such. controversial deciTheir main goal sion to publish a appears to be mak" paid advertiseing wrute students ment" on Holo feel guilty and micaust Remembrance Day by renorities appear as powerless victims. visionist Bradley An SA Vice PresiSmith angered a Dina Hornreich, Naomi Wiesel, and Michele Levy protested Pipe dent for substantial portion Dream's decision to print a Holocaust revisionist advertisement Multicultural Afof both Jewish and fairs is elected by non-Jewish stu these groups rather than by the entire Despite this quarreling, the SA E- dents. Pipe Dream defended its decistudent body. Board voted unanimously to sununarily sion on the grounds of free speech and The Student Association, for its part, fire Ursula Findykan, an ll-year em- reqnirements in its bylaws about acceptseems more and more outlandish each ployee ofthe SA Findikyan claimed that ing paid advertisements without regard yea r. From the beginning of last year, she did not know why she was fired and to content. In reaction, about 50 stuthe SA Executive Board quarelled con- has med a grievance with the State Hu- dents, mostly lewish Student Union stantly, bitterly. and publically. Thaveri 's man Rights Co mission and EEOC. At- memlx:rs, took over the Pipe Dream ofmoderate stance on the diversity require- tempts to cover up this dismissal pro- fice. Eventually, both sides again comment and other issues alienated him duced further controversy. promised, with Pipe Dream revising its from SA President Carrie Printz and bylaws so it would not be obligated to other supporters. At the end of the year, Pipe Dream print such advertisements in the future. Gabe Walsh, a student Ombudsperson appointed by l haveri, ended an arguAs the campus 's "mainstream" twiccment with Printz by using an allegedly a-week paper. Pipe Dream generally re- Mitchell Berger is a Harpur College segender-biased expletive. Printz at- ports, or at least distorts, the news ratller nior majoring in biology.

The SA: A "Merry Band of 1\vits"

tempted to fire Walsh, but an SA Judicial Board held that only the Academic Vice-President could do so. She also brought university charges against Walsh. but the judicial board cleared him of most charges and limited its sanction to "disciplinary probation," the lightest possible sanction. which he subsequently appealed.

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Orientation

Binghamton Review

rubbed 01I a ll over your fingers. The

Welcome

rest of your li fe is riding ulx m your de-

cision! Forget law school if you don't include Geog raphy_ It 's come down to th is. folks. You had beller know what youore doing. What'! Yo u' re going to ask your Ori-

Kindercamp BY ALLISON FARRELL

sec it in the mailbox-the let tcr you 've been salivating for has finally arrived. And it's fat. Congratulations ! You have just been admitted to the College of your Choiceâ&#x201E;˘ : Binghamton University. So now, young freshman . what are you to do? After signing your acceptance check. you see thc Official Orientation Indoctrination Pamphlet (don 't d ose your checkbook yel). and must then try to fi gure out which one of the conveniently planned Orientation Sessions you can cram into your busy summer schedule. You (again) sign a check. and confirm your place at Session I of Beginnings ... You make the official pilgrimage to our Mecca of a campus. ready to absorb and re radiate the electric energy that pul ses throug h the numcrous (and clogged) veins of Binghamton University. After wading into a mob of overheated, disgnmtled parents and students t ry ing so ha rd not to look li ke Orientationers, and after receiving the official propaga nda distributed by the Uni versity- green folder and peneilyou ' re all identified via ehccry name tags. Hell. we' re not strangers anymore. are we, stra nger? We now make up that wonderfully dynamic and dive rse Orie ntation Community in which we all play a central role in doin g as Advisor says. Let's sha re ! Once you quickly learn and forget the names of the twenty really cool people surroundin g you, construction dust choking you as you and your group mill OU

Allison Farrell is a l-l arp llr Co llege sophomore majoring in English.

Sununcrl September. 1995

around the well-lit and ventilated Union. you are then herdcd into the Nelson Mandela room. And what fllll and ga mes could possibly ensue in this arena of globally diverse appreciation? Could anything remotely interesting happen in tltis imposing. conscience-placating room? ... um. no. First. you are subjected to a speech by our eloquent and gifted orator. Binghamton University's very own mouthpiece, thc S.A. Presidcnt (and if this is not cnough to warn you of the da nger of electing liberals. you truly do bel ong). Then. you are forced to sit through a nice fcature-Iength propaganda fl ick that espouses the opportunity, challenges. and diversity that lie in wait for you here at The Bing. Does litis seem to suggest an asinine waste of funds? Doesn 't it sccm odd to you that the University that you have alrea(~v chosen is still trying to convince you of its wooh? Of its place among the Ivy? (Is this because SUNY -B is still try ing to stop spin ning after its recent launch into News & lVorld Report fame? Or are they still trying to make sure you rea lize th a t SUNY -B is now Binghamton University?) Now, young and innocent freshman, is the time for you to embark upon your first mi ss ion in thi s realm of academia- you must conquer your first schedule. Of course it's confusing ! Yo u will be distributed a newspaper which will be illegible by the end of the day beeausc the high-quality ink has

u.s.

entat io n Advisor to advise you? Well. if yo u want to gel screwed over by some

kid who is rabidly hyper about promoting the Univcrsity, then by all means. have fai th in the people the University has hired fo r your ultimate academic benefi t. Listen to them instead of your own common sense- maybe this kid in Tevas and a Dead shirt docs know j ust what's best for you_Just remember that the same university that hired him has

decided that all the buildings needed new signs. because hell, thc)' were just old. wlti le class sizes balloon because the professors that just got old wcre flot worthy of replacement. In the meanti me, let's return to our

Mandela Room and sec what's on tap for tonight. It's all fun and ga mcs from here on in. kids. To night. a special treat - Cultura l Pursuit ! You will be distributed a pink sheet of paper with a wheel drawn on it, divided iI1tO sections, each of which contains some profound and dive rse question. such as : "What does an upside-down pink triangle mean?" or "Who has experienced being stereo-

I Summer/September, 1995 typed?" The entire object of this little game is to make you run around the room in chaotic fashion, asking any person to initial a section they know about, in the hopes that they will share some of their knowledge, experiences, hopes, fears, dreams, lives, etc... The first to fill their sheet wins, not a University Tshirt, not a SUNY-B hat, but. .. a blow popl Whoooeeel Hold onto your shorts, folks, because this night of maturity, geared directly for the intellectual, only escalates-bet you can't wait until they make you line up in nice orderly rows, so that you can all sit-only to have every row stand up, one at a time, and shout some really hilarious thing like the letter '"G." Of course, the wave is mandatory, and woe to the soul that forgets his rank and file. After all the games have ended and you are ready to fall over from exhaustion, your brain can unleash itself from

Orientation

Binghamton Review

Orientation Indoctrination. You can begin to speculate on what you may encounter here in the wilds of The Bing~ what you may have to confront, run over, or leave behind you here at Politically Correct University (PCU). If you are looking for a place that does not include Kindercamp 101 in the list of requirements, this is not it. You do not have the option to do things your own way, using your own common sense-you must create this option. As a matter of fact, if you have any intelligence, ingenuity, or creativity at all, you must create whatever it is you want. But after all, isn't this the ultimate in satisfaction? Is it not euphoric to know you have accomplished something solely on your own, without free hand-outs from those that think they are doing you a good tum? Yes-self-reliance and selfmotivation is a satisfaction of the few that have fought so hard to preserve

themselves from the many. While here at Orientation, learn the inverse lesson: Do not follow the path Binghamton squats upon. The University caters to you as if you were still in pigtails and knickers, not a mature adult embarking on a grand intellectual adventure. An adventure and pursuit, in fact, that shall never cease until you do-and yes, these do go hand in hand. College is not the time to play DuckDuck-Goose, nor is it time,to squander tuition at the bottom of a keg. College is the time for you to stretch your sinew to the stars, to put the moon~in your eye. This highly individualistic pursuit cannot be accomplished while falling victim to the milk and cookies mentality of Kindercamp. It cannot be done while passively accepting all that is given to you-go out and earn it for yourself. Dare to challenge the fact that this is Binghamton University. Dare to B.U.!

The Hard Life of an OA DidYoU~owthat .thereis an official

proceSs for <:ultivating the perfect BU

student? Well, young and eager freshman, now you do. It is officially called Orientati()~ process' 4esigned to indoctrirulte you with a "lank, .as opposed~9PCn,riilild.' .upon interviewing Debora Clinton-CaIlagha~ associate director of campus activities and . orientation, I was informed' that the pr~'~iglled. to make you think like th~. :$tate and'their university is first indoctrinated into thoSe very special people called Orientation Advisors. Th~Q~s,acC()rdingto Callaghan, ,.gotbioUgh a verY intense process, . d'ilriDgWblcb' tIley work. four. whole hourSeva.yweekday for 6Y2 weeks. SheclaimS that-hb., have. many . . things . .......... '-lAY]. . to 'l~rn,including . f~milia~izing ,tbe~v:es~th'ttter~atioilpro .'beSs" "~tis .·~IiY·youWi1l' ollly wait two hours before you even see the doo~ to ,tltC computer terminal. cat1a~ alSo Stated that the ONs

be some type of healing forwn for the students who found themselves saying, "1 was the only Jewish kid in high schoolandlfelt diffirent." She, and the University, assume that being singled out is a kind of trauma (and she is mistaken if she thinks that be.ing Jewish. is away to be singled out

learn how to present their information, which includes lectures and Wrlyersity produced films on "How to be a Student at BU." They then incorporate this highly specialized information, which they have disCovered duringth~ir rig~. , a(By).,SheissajingtlultthisHuniorous four':'hour workdaY,H irito skits ,··versityisnothomogenous-incoming which, hold on to your seats,folkS, they students should heed this as a warnhave actually written, directed, and pro- ing. Did the university ever consider, duced themselves. in its infinite wisdom, that rehashing Once you have been stripped of com- the same old tired issues may actuallY mon sense and time of day,youare cause ntore harm than it alleviates? herded into a group, headedby your OA, OnCe these indoctrination presento discuss "issues." Callaghan said this lations have been completed, is a forum to raise any questions about CaHagban says theOA'sstuffALLthe uracism~ sexism, and homophobia,". green .folders, stamp.ALLthe· takewhich may' not be an·everyd3y.'.ri-. ,hoine·packets, and put a pillow in for someoJ1e not oondngfroma "di.. ALL the rooms. They are enthusiasverse" background She is actually glad, tic university supporters-never mind when people enter college already ex- that they are given' free .room, free posed to such'; anomalies-perhaps we 'board, and $1250 for their troubJes. should all rejoice Wru,n()urcbil~en are·' Why, ·tbese.studentsare so devoted to exposed to such things as sexism and :you, they might even put it some oversay, in their opeimess, "Hey, that'~ OK, ~e and stretch that workday tofive because you're entitled to your opinion.'" hours. -Allison Farrell Callaghan also claims that this cOuld

ence

Binghamton Review

Orientation

Get Involved??? BY AMY GARDNER

or those thinking of getting in , 'olved in student government. let 's take a look at what the Student Association (SA) has in store for you. There are many ways to get involved. There is the Executive Board, the Student Assembly, and the Iudicial Board. The question is. do you really

want to get involved? Last year 's Executive Board was certainly plagued with problems. The constant bickering and infighting tlmt characterized litis group began early on. The rust resolution brought in front of the

Assembly was the impeachment of Academic Vice-President (AVP) Dhiren Ihaveri. The chief sponsor of the resolution, Vice-President for Multicultural Affairs Yusef Daughtrey. sought Ihaveri 's dismissal as a response to an appointment made by the AVP Thaveri had nominated Cara Donlon. a known opponent of the proposed diversity requirement, to the position of Representative-at-Large to the Harpur College Council. where the proposal was under discussion. The impeachment proceedings were a classic case of symbolism

over substance. as

...... , . .

Daughtrey and .. friends merely ~ sought to open the ;! AVP's office to a 1Il0re friendly face. 0': Though the impeachment failed, the problems continued. Persistent pettiness and name-calling led President Carrie Printz to file harassment charges against Thaveri and Ombudsperson staff member Gabe Walsh . Ihaveri once again escaped with his office intact, while Walsh

received a minor

I Will SA VICe-President lor MulJicul1urai Affairs Yumeris Morel be a mere copy of her predecesl'or?

disciplinary probation, which he promptly appealed. The SA Financial Vice-President, Tom Majewski , spent a substantial portion of his year trying to censor campus publications. In Decem-

Summer/ Scptember, 1995

ber. 1994. Coup de Tete printed copyrighted material for the purpose of criticism . Before checking the law. Majewski brought charges against COllP de Tete to PO.R.B. , the President's review board. which promptly froze the publication's funds. After tile law was checked, the funds were unfrozen, but Co up de Tete was required to submit each issue to PO.R.B. for prior review of their material. Unabashed, Printz and Majewski turned their attention to the " mainstream" campus newspaper, Pipe Dream . When Mitchell Katz, a reporter. investigated a controversial firing in the SA office. Printz and Majewski threatened to freeze the newspaper's funds. Sadly enough, Pipe Dre am editor Mortica Luraschi responded to this threat by spiking the story, which was finally e>''Posed by Brian Taylor in the May issue of Binghamton Review. In addition. a legitimacy problem concerning the office of the Vice-President for Multicultural Affairs (VPMA) arose. While other members of the SA Executive Board are elected, the VPMA is appointed by the Inter-Cultural Awareness Committee (I.C.A.). The l.c.A. consists of representatives of the thirteen "cultural" groups who have been "traditionally underrepresented." Groups represented on the I.C.A. include the Womyn's Center and the Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Union. The VPMA receives the same $2000 yearly stipend as the rest of the Executive Board. These stipends are drawn from the student activity fee, which is paid by the entire student body, but the student body as a whole has no say as to who the VPMA is. The problems in the SA were not limited to the Executive Board. The Student Assembly, elected by the campus commurtity, did not seem to be representative of the student body. For example, it was impossible to become a representative of Off Campus College (O.c.c.) if you did not agree with the

Amy Gardner is a Harpur College junior majoring in philosophy

Summer/September, 1995 political agenda of the "cultural" groups. Former Review staffers Mike Darcy and Pete Karpien were refused vacated O.C.C. seats on the Assembly in 1994even though they had no opponents' In addition, theO.C.C. representativesapparently were incapable of attending meetings. Of 22 original representatives, only 8 remained seated at the end of the year-most were dismissed for violating the rules concerning unexcused absences. This is not to say that attendance problems were confined to Off Campus College. In fact, half of the new Executive Board were previously removed from the Assembly due to failure to attend meetings. These august leaders include VPMA Yumeris Morel, Financial VicePresident Erik Kopelman, and VicePresident for University Programming Andrew Hollander. If these officials can't even represent a sma1l consitutency at weekly meetings, how can one expect them to represent the student body in positions of responsibility (this excludes

Orientation Morel, who, as previously mentioned, does not represent the student body)? What else can we expect from the new Executive Board? A showdown between Morel and AVP Jeff Golant seems likely-Morel was instrumental in the passage of the new diversity requirement and Golant is a principled opponent. The new President, Doug Boettner, will have to show that he has a better handle on the Executive Board than he did with the Assembly last year-the meetings were raucous and uncontrolled. Hollander will hopefully be able to bring some decent programs to campus, with performers who, unlike Run-DMC, actually show up when they are supposed to. For those of you who want to be involved in student government, it would be wise to avoid the SA completely and look into the hall and community governments. These institutions tend to be more effective and give at least as much of an opportunity to meet people and get involved at Binghamton University.

Binghamton Review

BINGHAMTON REVIEW Binghamton University's Journal of Opinion is looking for:

-Artists • Writers

• Cartoonists • Photographers • Ad Salespeople

• Graphic Designers • The Politically Incorrect If yOu· have any of these skills or WouId·like to learn them, please attend our General Orientation·· and Ofganization8I meeting.

Thunday, September 7, 1995 7:30P.M.

00..104

Refreshments will be$erved (Yes-free foodanddrinkt), ..

An A + to the Professor BY ALEKSANDR GALITSKY ere is no such thing as an A+ at even one not necessarily appealing by fessor. His knowledge in the field of Binghamton University, but there title alone, can be made interesting if political science is outstanding. Many certainly are people who deserve taught by an expert who successfully ofus have probably taken courses where it. One of them is Andrew Milnor, a passes his interest and knowledge to the professors read unemotionally from their notes, with no improvisation, no humor, students. professor of political science. Andrew Milnor is a very special pro- and no enthusiasm. This is not so with Last year, I took PLSC-113, introMilnor-by going to his duction to Comparative class, perhaps, you have a Politics andPLSC-l11, introduction to American Are You Paying Too Much For Insurance? rare chance to forget the aforementioned definition Politics, both lectured by of a boring lecture. Professor Milnor. These "Andrew Milnor is the were the most interesting best political science proand enjoyable classes I've fessor I've ever had. He is taken at this school-ones interesting, funny, and which certainly made an Edward M. Valdes teaches the class in an upimpact on my future considAccount Agent beat way~" said sophomore eration of my courscwork 3102 Vestal Parkway East Kristy Piszczkiewicz. "I and led to my decision to gained lots of knowledge in Vestal, NY 13850 major in political science. I his lectures-something understand that any course, 191-1253

Allstate

Binghamton Review

I'm going to remember and not forget, because of his humorous stories associ. ated with them." Milnor's humor is really amazing. It lessens the tension in the class. On one of the last days in November, when the weather turned out to be unseasonably sunny and warm, Milnor said, "Sorry, guys, for keeping you here on a day like this, but I can promise you plenty of beautiful days until April." Milnor also finds a way to insert improvised humor into his lectures, as well. He often uses examples from his own life's experiences to contribute to the lectures. He is a great storyteller' Milnor is also very open to students' questions in the class. He takes time to explain himself and makes sure that everybody understands his answers. He also spends much time answering students' questions when his lectures are over. joe Willey, a graduate student who assisted in teaching Milnor's course, said, "Milnor is one of the best lecturers I've heard and a super-nice person." Hiram Fuchs, a senior who took PLSC-lll with Milnor three years ago, recalls, "Andrew Milnor is a very approachable guy. He is very interested in helping students in any way he can. He goes above and beyond the call of duty as a professor. [It] was the only class

Orientation

Summer/September, 1995

I've ever felt compelled to applaud after lectures." It is very common, but also very annoying to students and disrespectful to the professor, when students start to pack up their belongings five minutes before class ends. This does not really happen in Professor Milnor's class. Most of the time, the lectures end in complete silence, leaving the students with a feeling of educational gain. I once went to a meeting of the Political Science Association. That was the time just before advance registration and a group of students shared their thoughts about the courses they had taken. Everybody who had ever been enrolled in a Milnor lecture agreed that he is the best professor for the courses he teaches. Milnor's world experience is noteworthy-he has been invited to teach at many universities. He has travelled and lectured throughout the United States and in Great Britain, France, and New Zealand-just to name a small portion

Your University Bookstore â&#x20AC;˘ Offers the largest selection of new and used textbooks ... ~ Stocks apparel from Champion, Gear, MV Sport & The Game. to name a few... ~ Has a large selection of Academically Priced Software. â&#x20AC;˘ And is conveniently located on the ground floor of the II

Library.

of his overall globetrotting. The stories about the places he has been are amusing and astounding. "Milnor seems to have been around the world a couple of times," said sophomore Scott Wunderlich. This fall, Professor Milnor is teaching PLSC Ill, Introduction to American Politics. If you are looking for an excellent course to complete your schedule, I would suggest this oneyou are guaranteed to learn a lot and enjoy the class. On behalf of the many students who have had an opportunity to have Milnor as an instructor, I would like to express my gratitude and thank him for the outstandingly taught courses. I would like to give Professor Milnor an A+ for his superb performanceprofessors like him are hard to find.

~ WE

BUY BACK BOOKS EVERYDAY. ALL YEAR LONG ~ Call us at n7-2745 if you have any questions Aleksandr Galitsky is a Harpur College sophomore majoring in po1i/ical science.

Summer/September. 1995

Orientation

Binghamton Review

A (Partial) Guide to Binghamton BY TERESA McGOFF AND NATHAN WURTZEL

y now you've heard the rumors

about the Binghamton metropoli tan area-too hot in the summer, too snowy in the winter, rain 250 days a yea r, and nothing fun to do. Here's the bad news: the stuff about the weather is truc. However, there are many ways to

keep busy during your spare time, so close those textbooks and get going! The Great Outdoors One of the great advantages of the Binghamton area is the amount of attention given to pursuits of the outdoor va riety. There is ,,,. something for almost everyone. no matter whether yo u are a spectator or a participant. Parks Otsiningo Park is located off of Exit 72 on Route 17 on the north side of Binghamton. where Bevier and Front Streets meet. There is a paved pathway circling the perimeter of the park, providing a perfect arena for runners and rollerbladers alike. Large fields provide a bounty of areas for sports and picnicki ng. Rec Park is surrounded by Beethoven Street, Seminary Avenue, and Laure l Ave nue on Binghamton 's West Side. One of Binghamton 's famous carousels (free rides!) is located here, as are tennis courts, basketball courts, and athletic fields. Chenango Valley State Park is located on Route 369 (Exit 2 off of Interstate 88) in Chenango Forks. This is a good spot for fishing, biking, and hiking enthusiasts. Of course, for those lacki ng transportation andlor motivation, there is always the lovely Nature

levard in Endwell. For those who like to show off their driving skills, Polar Shot driving range is located just up the road from Heritage on Harry L Drive in Johnson City. For those who miss the Jersey Shore Sports boardwalk atmosphere. Conklin Sports Golf enthusiasts are completely at Park on Conklin Avenue in Conklin has home in the Binghamton area . There a miniature golf course. batting cages. are over a dozen courses within a few go-carts, a driving range, and one of the miles of campus. the closest of which is best ice cream vendors in the area. the Heritage (formerly IBM) Country Binghamton has two professional Club (yes. it's public) on Watson Bou- sports teams. The Mets, the AA affiliate of baseball 's New York Mcts, play at Binghamton Municipal " .. Stadium on Henry Street from April to September. The RangIII!III!'!IIIIIII_ _ _'1 .~ ers. the minor league version of ~ hockey' s New York Rangers, :>. play at the Broome Cou nty Vet5 erans Memorial Arena on the corner of Stuart and State Streets from November to April. Seats are not e>--pensive and generally available, especially for the Mets. There arc also many opportunities to participate in winter sports, such as skiing and ice skating, through va rious clubs and organizations within the University. Preserve, located immediately to the

south of campus. You can't miss itthe Class of 1995 has just donated a sign that reportedly is visible for several feet in all di rections.

t:X:X:e5

â&#x20AC;˘

The Great Indoors When it gets too cold and snowy, or too hot and sticky. or too rainy-well, you get the picture-there 's always time to turn indoors.

Metsflrst baseman Brian Daubach makes a putout on the way to a victory over the Bowie Baysox

Arts The Forum Theatre, located on Washington Street in Binghamton, hosts plays, orchestras, and other cultural events. Contact the Forum box office for details. Binghamton Unh'ersity hosts

Binghamton Review

many types of artistic performance at the Anderson Center. with major discounts for students. The Department of Music also hosts free recitals every Wednesday at Cadasscus Hall . There arc several movie theatres in the area : Sony has ten screens at the Town Square Mall in Vestal, including two theatres with digital sound. Sony al so has three screens at the Oakdale Mall in Johnson City. For those of you who want to bust Sony 's monopoly, the Art Theatre, located on Vestal Avenue on the South Side of Binghamton, shows noncommercial and foreign films . as well as periodic live performances of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. T he Crest. one of the oldest theatres in Binghamton, shows first-run movies at discount prices. and is located on Main Street on Bing hamton 's West Side.

Books New boo ks can be purchased at Barnes & Noble at the Town Square Mall, the Bookbridge at Vestal Plaza just east of campus, Waldenbooks a nd Coles at the Oakdale Mall , a nd B, Dalton at the Metrocenter in downtown

Summer/September, 1995

Orientation Binghamton. Used book stores can reveal a treasure trove of lite rature . Fat Cat Books on Main Street in Johnson C it y se ll s new and used science fi ctio n as well as comic books. Pallerbacks Plus in th e Northgate Plaza on Front Street in Binghamton sells, as YOll might have guessed. used pape rb ack books. Keep an eye out for libra ry book sales.

Music New CD ' s and tapes ca n be purchased at Coconuts at the Town Square Mall and The Wall and Record Town at the Oakdale Mall. New and used

CD 's and tapes can be found at M usic C ity

~ on ~

Street

Ma in in

; Binghamton , The Media Zone in the Vestal Pl aza , and That CD and Tape Place on Main Street in Binghamton. Live music is abundant in the

area-it is Wegmans- not only a grocery store, hut a popular h.zngoutfor BU students

rare to see a headliner at the Arena,

but most bars and lounges have bands andlor D.J. 's on weekends. Some of the best pla ces to fi nd acts are the Tazmanian Embassy on South Washington Street and Vcstal Avenue in Binghamton (rock & roll), the Amsterdam on Willow Street in Johnson City Ua7.2: & blues), and West Side Cheers on Main Street in Binghamton (rock & roll), but many other establishments offer topnotch entertainment. If you get a cha nce to see Yolk or Frostbit Blue anywhere in the area, please do so. You won 't regret it.

Shopping Like any othcr small city in the Northeast, Binghamton 's shopping is generally centered around suburban malls. The Town Square Mall in Vestal features Wal-Ma'l, as well as Office Max, Dick 's Sporting Goods, and T.! Maxx. The Oakdale Mall in Johnson City has Montgomery Ward, Sears, J.C. Penney,

Summer/September, 1995

and the Bon-Ton as anchor stores. Binghamton 's downtown has a major department store, Boscov's, on the corner of Main and Hawley Streets. The Metrocentcr, located across thc strcet, contains several small shops. The Vestal Plaza is located east of campus on Vestal Parkway and contains a number of small shops. For food shopping, Wegmans is locatcd on thc corner of Harry L Drive and Route 20 I in Johnson City. There is a Grand Union in the Vestal Plaza and several Giants dispersed around town.

Orientation

Binghamton Review

Johnson City not only has great food, not included in any of these categories arc Cosmos on Grand Avenue and Rivbut also delivers to campus. College and pizza go together like erside Drive in Johnson City. Old CounGeneralion X and whining. Some ofthe . try Buffet in the Town Square Mall, and best pizza in the area (opinions may Theo's on Main Street in Johnson City. which has great Southern barbecue and a big picture of Frederick Douglass on the a wall.

,. ~

lBars We ' ve saved Binghamton's favorite form of recreation for last. We will re-

main mum about

underage drinking-you all are old enough to take care of yourselves and know the risks and consequences. Be nice to the cops Restaurants West Side Cheers-I8 to party alld 21 to beergoggle when you leave There arc the bars- they plenty of Italian restaurants to choose vary) can be found at Nirchi's on Front have enough problems as it is. from. Some of our favorites include Street and Water Street in Binghamton, The bars with the best wings, in our Cortese on Robinson Street in Bing- Portobello's on Bunn Hill Road right opinion, are The Deacon's Bench on hamton, Little Venice on Chenango next to campus, Mario's in the Vestal Oakdale Road in Johnson City, Uncle Street in Binghamton , Pino's on Plaza, Paisano's on Main Street in Tony's on State Street in Binghamton, Conklin Avenue in Binghamton, and Johnson City, and the Italian restaurants and Cosmos. Tony's at the Endicoll Plaza in Endicoll. named previously. U you like sports and alcohol together. While the Binghamton area does not Although it is impossible to find a go to The Sports Bar on State Street in have the wide diversity of Asian cuisine New York City bagel in Binghamton, Binghamton, the Strike Zone on Court ofthe New York metropolitan area, there there are some great attempts made by Street in Binghamton, or Edigans in the are a few good restaurants. Kampai Bagel Factory in the Vestal Plaza and Foundry Plaza in Binghamton. Japanese Steak House is located on the the Foundry Plaza, Bagels Plus in the As far as dancing goes, you can go to Vestal Parkway and features a sushi bar Town Square Mall , and Port-o-Bagel a genuine club like Eclipse on Front and hibachi tables. The P.S. Restau- on Vestal Parkway. Street in Binghamton or boogie the rant features Thai cooking and is loThere are two coffeehouses worth night away at the Raft on State Street cated on Rano Boulevard in Vestal. mentioning: The Lost Dog Cafe on in Binghamton or West Side Cheers on China Wok at West State Street in Bing- Main Street in Binghamton and Java Main Street in Binghamton. hamton features a lunch/di nner buffet. Joe's on State Street in Binghamton. For Greek and Middle Eastern food, Both of these establishments also featry the Phoenician Restaurant in the ture vegetarian menus, which can also Vestal Plaza, Argo Re.1aurant on Court be found at The Copper Cricket on Teresa McGoff holds a degree in hisStreet in Binghamton, and the Medi- Main Street in Binghamton and Whole to~y ji'Om BU and is the senior editor of terranean Restaurant in Binghamton. in the Wall on South Washington Street the Review. Nathan Wurtzel is a graduate student ofpsychology and is the ediMexican food lovers should be aware in Binghamton. that EI Cholo Cafe on Harry L Drive in Some of our absolute favorites that are tor in chief of the Review.

Bmnor

Binghamton Review

Your Politically Correct Lexicon Arthur, John - Professor at BU and editor ofbook criticizing multiculturalism. Defender of free speech and therefore a racist, right-wing demagogue. Beavis and Butt-head - Purveyors of "isms" and responsible for all childhood pyromania in America.

Binghamton Review - Racist, sexist, lookist, phallocentric, classist, homophobic journal written and published by 16 rich, white, heterosexual men-all of whom are named Klaus.

Diversity Requirement - Fosters peace and harmony by forcing students to take classes in which they will learn to bear grudges against each other for what people did generations ago. Makes a lot of sense when you put it into these terms, doesn't it? Douglass, Frederick - Traitor to his race. See Uncle Tom. Family - Oppressive and unnecessary social structure.

Summer/September, 1995

Hate Speecb - Anything written by the

Binghamton Review. Health Care - Basic human right. Hill, Anita - Courageous, honest, moderate Republican who bravely ignored the fact that she had no evidence and nearly destroyed an oppressive male's career. Victim. Hunting - The evil act of killing nonhuman animals which are equal to humans. Innis, Roy - Traitor to his race-wants all kids to have assault weapons. See Uncle Tom. Insensitive - Someone who consistently wins arguments against leftists. See Binghamton Review.

Bosnians - People without a right to selfdefense. The UN can protect them, and they would be more likely to hurt themselves with firearms.

Fascist - According to graduate student Jesse Benjamin, who knows everything, a person who believes in free speech. Also can be used to describe members of the Binghamton Review.

Clinton, Blliary - The greatest, most intelligent First Lady ever. Health care and commodities trading expert.

Fat Pig - The evil lookist term for the gravitationally challenged (or aIternatively weighted).

Comparable Wortb - Modifying the system in order to give women their long overdue compensation

Feminism - Philosophy which holds that women are superior to men and must exact revenge for years of oppression.

Compassion - Philosophy of forcibly taking income away from rich, white men and redistributing it to everyone else.

Fishing - The evil act of removing an ichthy-American from its natural habitat.

Libertarians - Really insensitive people.

Free Speech - Fascist discourse which promotes hate speech.

Limbaugh, Rush - Well, okay, you can call him a fat pig.

God - Who?

Marriage - Oppressive~ outmoded social structure that hurts women.

Computen - Tools of the rich, white male establishment used for promoting the further exploitation of the proletariat. Constitution - Racist, sexist, classist, homophobic document. Should be rewritten. Outmoded. Corporation - Horrid entity which op-

presses the proletariat, takes money from the poor, and is singly responsible for all of the pollution on earth. Diversity - Any group of multicultural leftists.

Jackson, Michael - Person with difficult to meet needs. Differentlyopinionated in regard to Jews. Jones, Paula Corbin - Without evidence, accused the greatest leader of our time with sexual harassment. A liar and nothing like Anita Hill. Kennedy, Ted - Chemically challenged. Staunch supporter of women's issues.

Government - Primary source of wealth. Grade InDation - Fascist invention which holds that professors give some students high grades for reasons other than merit. Grade Point Average - At Binghamton, the average student receives between a 3.J and a 3.2. Remember, there's no such thing as grade inflation'

Marxism - Brilliant economic philosophy that would have worked everywhere if it had not been misunderstood. Meat - Must never, ever be eaten. Men - Oppressors. Merit - Term used by oppressors to justify their racist agenda.

Summer/September, 1995

Money - A bad thing to have, which is why it should be taken from you and given to us. Myn's Centcr - Insensitive, unfunny joke perpetrated by fascist writers at Binghamton Review. Oklahoma City - Site of a bombing caused entirely by Republicans and talk radio hosts. Pataki, Governor George - Has replaced Ronald Reagan as the most evil politician known to exist. Responsible for homelessness, AIDS, the health care crisis, high tides, genital warts, and the bombing of the Oklahoma City Federal Building. Police - Racist pigs. But they should be the only ones allowed to own guns. Political Correctness - Fascist invention. Doesn't exist and anybody who says it does should be thrown out of this university.

Humor

Binghamlon Review

Racial Quota - Doesn 't exist. Yet another fascist invention.

Thief - One with alternative property ownership vaules-morally different.

Reagan, Ronald - Well, okay, I guess we have to be nice to rum now.

Uncle Tom - A black who has any conservative or libertarian leanings . Clarence Thomas, Colin Powell, etc.

Religion - Cause of all unhappiness in world not directly attributable to George Pataki.

White Male - Most pure incarnation of evil known to exist.

Simpson, O.J. - Victim of white police路 men and judicial system.

Women - Archaic spelling of womyn. Victims.

Smoking - Unheathy habit that should be banned along with guns, meat, Western Civilization. fishing, and money.

Womyn" Center - The only place on campus where womyn can write bad poetry, shave their heads (but not their legs), and hate men-you know, just be themselves.

Speech Codes - Good idea when applied

to conservatives. Stullid - Term used to outcast those of different cognitive ability because the racist, sexist, lookist, rich white male establishment measures intelligence wrong. Thanksgiving - Turkey murder day.

Zero - Amount of attention that should be paid to Binghamlon Review.

The Polilical(y Correcl Lexicon is a recurring feature which has been writ/en

and added 10 by several Review wrilers. 111asl appeared in Oclober. 1994.

STOP THE OPPRESSION OF FURRED-AMERICANS

This is a terminally inconvenienced, furred-American who has been vehicularly assaulted. Brought to you by People Against F,,"ed American Oppression (PAFAO)

FietioD

Binghamton Review

Summer/September, 1995

"But I wouldn't want that money. Besides, I was never a slaver" The professor smiled. "Ah," he said, "but your ancestors were. And their anBY JOSHUA TRAPANI cestors were the slave-owners, and so they have to pay for the sins of their foreHe had been awake for more than five sponsibility of making sure that their fathers." Now a white student raised her hand, minutes before he realized that his alarm professors were mixed according to the had not gone off. Full of foreboding, he same lines. There were stories abound and the professor called on her. "How turned to look at the lit-up numbers on of seniors who'd had to stay an extra come I should have to pay," she asked, his clock. Sure enough, they informed semester and take unnecessary courses "when my ancestors dicln't even arrive him that he had less than ten minutes with professors of a certain color or in this country until after the slaves were ethnicity to graduate. freed?" before his first class started. "And so you see," the professor (inciHe flew out of his dorm room and The professor looked at her oddly and down the steps, past the soda, candy, and dentally a white male) was addressing shook his head "That is irrelevant." condom machines in the lobby of his the class, "We can never establish full His next class was English. It was building and out into the blustery morn- equality in this country until we pay for called "American Literature During Pepast. riods of Repression." It dealt primarily ing. The campus was full of others who our hadn't gotten up on time, but he rushed with books from the 1950's and past them and into the building 1980's. He liked a lot of what they where his first class was being read, and was glad he'd taken the held. course. Especially since his only He passed the posters on other choice for a possible Enthe wall (notifying students glish class had been "Poetry of Parisian Lesbians", of such things as the new all-nude theater production which somehow sounded and the abortion-on-demore like the topic of a mand clinic located in the bad talk-show than a seUnion) without so much as rious literature course. a glance, quickly entered Besides those two, he took a required "Underhis classroom and discreetly took a seat in the standing Others" course back. and a Biology class. The This first class was a hisbio was straight science. It tory called "Columbus and was by far his favorite. Hitler: Separate Paths to the In English, he was getting Same Goal". The subject matter an essay exam back. "As you didn't greatly intrigue him, but know," said the professor, "we like most of his classes, he needed can no longer tell you what the class it to fulfill his diversity requirements. average was, for fear of making the more Registering for classes was quite an or- Therefore, I would intellectually- challenged of you feel indeal these days. Not only did students argue that all European-American citi- adequate or unintelligent. And please rehave to contend with the. formidable di- zens of this country should have to pay, member that when I give these back versity requirements and the mandatory as a portion of their taxes, reparations you're not allowed to show them to any"Understanding 路Others" classes, but to the African-American citizens for the one, or to tell other people how you did. placement in desired courses was often years of suffering as slaves which the You can be expelled for sharing grades. a problem. The makeup of every single latter endured. " Especially those of you who did well. A black student raised his hand, and Those are the rules and you know as well class had to have the same percentage of each sex, race, and ethnic group that the professor pointed at him. as I do that they've been enforcing them the school as a whole did And the school "Are you proposing," asked the stu- strictly. " as a whole had its population carefully dent, "that because I'm black, I should This wasn't the only restriction that crafted to exactly reflect the state as a get money from the whites--because I had been placed on academic achievewhole. was enslaved?" ment. Graduation honors had been abolIn addition, students also had the re"Yes I am," answered the professor. ished, as had all honors programs.

1999?

Summer/September, 1995

Higher level classes in the arts no longer required auditions or portfolios from potential entrants. Everyone was allowed to take any class they wished. This was because, according to the guidelines, a student's need to take a class was much more important than his or her ability in the subject. When English was over, he went to the Union in order to pick up the school newspaper. The Union, as always, was alive with people and buzzing with conversation, especially where stacks of the newspaper had been placed. He knew which part attracted their attention-the List of Expulsions. Each week, the paper published names of students who had been expelled that week, and on what grounds. He grabbed a copy and opened it up to see what all the fuss was about. The list was relatively short, only about twenty for the week. But the reasons they'd been expelled seemed relatively glamorous. "Look at this one," said someone near him to her friend, "Expelled for telling a derogatory joke about homosexuals. 1 know what joke he told." "What was itT' asked her friend eagerly. "I can't tell you," she answered, looking at her friend as if she was crazy. Then she looked around warily. "I can't say it in public. It might offend. I don't want to get expelled, too. I'll tell you later." He turned away from them and towards another group discussing the list. " ... and he had the audacity to go up to her and ask her out right to her face!" one of them was saying, and the mouths of the others formed big "0'" s in response. "What did he expect?" He looked down at his list and read through the names. There it was. Under reason for expulsion: sexual harassment. People had to be very careful what they said these days. One "insensitive" word could result in the end of a career, academic or otherwise. Looking around he saw that most of the groups were made of one type of person. All blacks or all whites, all Asians or all Hispan-

Fietion

Binghamton Review

ics, all males or all females. Most people were very uneasy around groups of others because it was so easy to get in trouble around them. On his way out of the Union, he' passed an old friend of his from high school. They hadn't been very close, but they'd hung out a little back at home. She was Asian, and she was female, and since coming here he was afraid to talk to her. "Hi," he said curtly, and didn't stop walking. "Hi," she answered back, and didn't

publican-Free America". But since virtually all rightist and moderate thought had been eliminated from the campus, the name was abbreviated. It was this student-led organization that had been instrumental in many of the more drastic changes that had occurred in the school recently, including the Diversity Requirements and the expulsion lists. He did not like to attend Coalition meetings, but they were big social events. Outside the meeting room would be congregations of students. He headed down to see if anyone he knew was there. All around him he caught pieces of excited conversations. "And did you hear, the professor failed her because she wrote a paper and spelled 'women' with an 'e' instead of a 'y'?" "But you can't join the school paper. They already have their quota of AsianAmerican males." "Marx was actually a genius. It was just the wrong type of countries that first experimented with his ideas." "How do you know she's doing so well in that class? She hasn't been showing you her grades, has she?" "Reverse discrimination is just a myth, created and perpetuated by the ruling class to prevent the spread of sensitivity and understanding. " "Censorship? That's a terror tactic of the right. You know as well as I do that liberals believe in free expression. We never censor anything!" He started to feel a little sick to his stomach. He was sorry he'd come. Just then, he saw some of his friends standing with a big group of students. They beckoned him to approach, but there were so many people he didn't know with them, and he didn't want to risk offending anyone. He smiled weakly and waved at them, but didn't go over. Instead, he went back to his room and to sleep, remembering this time to carefully set his alarm.

"Registering for classes was quite an ordeal these days-placement in desired courses was often a problem. Themakeupot every single class had to have the same percentage of each sex, race, and ethnic group that the school. as a whole did. And the school as a whole had its population carefully craftedto exactly reflect the state as a whole."

stop either. She was afraid to talk to him, too. He thought he saw what might be regret in her eyes, and he hoped she saw the same in his. That night, there was a Coalition meeting. The Coalition was the student government, and membership was mandatory (though attendance at the meetings was not). The Coalition's full name had once been "The Coalition for a Re-

Joshua Trapani is a Harpur College senior majoring in geology. He is the Review s copy editor. This article was initially printed in the Review in 1993.

News

Binghamton Review

Summer/September, 1995

Hinchey Visits BU BY LEE MARKIEWICZ

ongressman Maurice Hinchey visited Binghamton University n May 6. For those who aren 't familiar with Mr. Hinchey, his district includes Broome County and everything cast to Ulster County. He is a Democrat who defeated Bob Moppert (a Binghamton native and SUNY alumnus) by a narrow margin in the last election. His visi t was sponsored by the ProChoice Coalition and the Broome County Coalition for Free Choice. The attendance was approximately eight, but the Pro-Choice Coalition took the opportunity to ask everyone to sign some letters to Senators D ' Amato and Moynihan in support of reproductive rights. Despite the low attendance, Mr. Hinchey's visit was quite interesting. He initially spoke about the "endangerment" of our "liberties that we take for granted." He addressed Roe v. Wade and stated his concern that it may be reversed. He used Oklahoma as an example of how people out there are "capable of violence." He went on to condenm the horrible violence that transpired. Hinchey then went on to say that "other liberties" are in danger. The "entire social fabric that has been built up in tltis country over the past 50 years" is also in jeopardy, according to Mr. Hinchey. He went on to defend AFDC and other social programs by pointing out that " the people who avail themselves to social service programs, for the most part. arc people that have come upon hard circumstances." He blamed much of this on corporate downsizing, and brought up the example of Mobil Oil which cut personnel at the same time they were eXlX'riencing record profits. According to Mr. Hinchey, "We need to have a full employment economy-a philosophy that we can provide work for everyone."

Mr. Hinchey then attacked "corporate welfare" and used tobacco subsidies as an example. After a general speech and his " let's get pissed off" urge. he began to field questions from the "audience." In response to one question he said, "the Car right has influence Car beyond their numbers," and attributed this to their organization and dedication. He also made an allusion to Nazi Germany and the capture ofthe "organs of communication" in their rise to Some people call me Mauricepower. He said that it can hapHinchey speaks at BU pen here and that "the right wing has captured the organs of com- asked. munication to a large extent. " "First of all," Hinchey replied, "it isn't One person asked. "How do you mo- effective. It has nothing to do with tivate those who are apathetic?" Con- crime-99% of crimes committed with gressman Hinchey said to "drive home firearms arc committed with handguns. the point ' all that we know is being The ban does nothing whatsoever to rethreatened. '" He said that you must duce the incidence of crime. It is arbi"know your audience." If someone is trary and capricious ... lt is bizarre and concerned about reproductive rights, makes no sense whatsoever... If it comes then tell them that those are threatened. up-it may not because the people who If they are concerned about the environ- were going to propose it arc losing their ment, tell them that our progress is "un- nerve-I'm going to vote for the repeal der attack. " because I think it was wrong in the first When asked about the proposed post- place." Oklahoma City anti-terrorism measures Hinchey concluded by noting, "This and new calls for gu n co ntrol, Mr. is the United States and we still have Hinchey responded. "I don 't think it the Bill of Rights. We need to make sure serves us to be more restrictive of those first ten amendments to the confTeedoms ... l don 't think it makes any stitution arc protected. Once we begin sense to restrict the rights of Americans to give into the idea that we have to rewho have not committed any crimes or linquish some part oC the Bill of Rights done anything wrong." to extend our domestic security, we are When another person asked what Mr. walking down a very, very, dark and Hinchey plans to do to counter the Re- dangerous road." publicans' attempt to repeal the assault weapon ban, he answered, "I must tell you candidly-if it comes to the floor Lee J\IIarkie wicz is a g raduate student I'm going to vote for it. " in the School of Busi ness Management. "On what grounds?" the same person He is the Review :S' business manager.

Summerl September, 1995

The Name Game Most of us take the freedom of naming our children for granted, but when Kristi Larsen. a native of Oslo, Norway, wished to name her son Gesher, she was fined and ordered to give him an acceptable name. It turns out that Gesher is not on the No rweg ian government ' s official list of names. [Reason , June, 1995]

~nibbles

& Bits

Party of the Poor?

When Bcnazir BhullO, prime minister

Hollywood titans Steven Spielberg, Jeffrey Katzenberg, and David Geffen recently held a $2500 a plate dinner and raised a million dollars for Bill Clinton and the Democratic Party. [National Review. May 15, 1995)

of Pakistan, visi ted Washington, D.C., she was introduced to the Senate as the prime minister of Indi a, Pakistan 's bitter enemy. The culprit was Senate For-

Physician, Heal Thyself! A g roup of University of Pennsylvania students have formed a group called White Women Aga inst Racism. When a black coed tried to attend one of their meetings, she was k icked out. [Heterodoxy, June, 1995] eign Relations Committee Chairman Jesse Helms. [Reason , July, 19951 Small Talc ... and Dumber

Dances with Cellists Anne Conrad-Antoville quit her job as a cellist rather than perform Peter and the Woifbccause it "teaches children to hate and fear wolves and to applaud a hunter who kills wolves. " [The American Enterprise, MaylJune, 1995)

In a speech earlier this yea r, Helms referred to North Korean President Kim Jong II as "Kim Jong Two. " In an efIort to prevent a recurrence of this mistake, Helms' statIers spelled the name phonetically (" III" ) in preparation for the next speech. This time, Helms referred to him as "Kim Jong the Th ird " [Reason, May, 1995]

A Good Role Model? Fonner Surgeon General Joycelyn EIders said that she is a big fan of Ted Kennedy because of his "values." She added that Kennedy is "the Washington person she would most want to be like." [National Review, June 12, 1995]

Ned Stop: Unemployment Line As part of "Take Your Daughter to Work Day," a man in Cincinnati brought his little girl to the office, where he learned that he had just been fired. [National Review, May 29, 1995)

Dumb ...

This Multicultural Moment The army of Pakistan sent Sweden three thoroughbreds as a gift, but the Swedi sh government killed them due to a ban on imported Asian horses. The Pakistanis are reportedly deeply offended. [Reason , May, 1995)

Binghamton Review

Party of the Underrepresented? Rep. Sidney Yates, a Democrat from Illinois, recently offended Hispa nic students in a Chi cago high sc hoo l when he did the Mexican hat dance and asked them if they owned sombreros. He later said that he did not understand their anger because he e njo ys th e dance and once bought a sombrero. [National Review, May I, 1995)

Disney's new movie Tall Tale features a Paul Bunyan who does not cut down any trees, but talks about "borrowing from the land rather than raping it. " [Th e American Enterprise, May/June, 1995]

Bit of the Month During a press conference following Mickey Mantle's suecessfulliver transplant, a doctor noted that the liver donor had also given several other organs to various recipients. A reporter then asked, "Is the donor alive?" [courtesy of Media Research Center)

;;,'lJll,~M~:4JA1~v..~~,'i~~.f'

~;·;'~:;~/iFo~l~fliittf~;{:'···

..-,qulturallylncorrect .: Pursuit

.:BINGHAMTON U N t VE ·R SIT Y

Thinks "comparable worth" is a crock

Spells women correctlywithout the "y"

Thinks wearing red ribbon is a cheap way of expressing compassion

Is tired of being told what to think Believes the First Amendment protects all points of view

Believes there is no such thing as a "right to meaningful work"

Laughed at Comholio

episode of Beavis and Butt-head

Thinks chicks and money are cool

INSTRucnONS: 1.

Find another person in the room who either can answer the question or fits the description requested in each box. Report this person to your OA. He/she is culturally incorrect and has no place in our fine university. However, this person would make an excellent Review writer.