September 2007 - Binghamton Review by Binghamton Review

Binghamton Review September 2007

The Student Journal at Binghamton University

We Have Beef...

The Student Journal at Binghamton University

(...and maybe with you) In this Issue:

-What’s wrong with Binghamton -Advice for the Freshmen -Election 2008 Update

-Why it’s not cool to be White -Darfur & Middle East Coverage -Women’s Sports & Summer Movies Truth and two staples

Binghamton Review The Student Journal at Binghamton University Founded 1987 o Volume XXI Number 1 o September 2007

Editor-in-Chief Nathaniel Sugarman Managing Editor Thomas Shannon Editor Emeritus Christopher Powell Business Manager Adam Zabary Treasurer Michael Calabrese Graphics & Web Design Josh Geller Publicity Director Michael Alliance Staff Writers Gil Auslander, Evan Engel, Paul Liggieri, Jonathan Lustig, Christopher Powell, Thomas Shannon, Ashley Spierer, Adam Zabary Contributors John Blatchford, Elena Cox, Ryan Dunham, James Novak Friends of the Review Dr. Aldo S. Bernardo Mr. Benjamin Birnbaum Mr. Michael J. Hayes The Kaufman Family Mr. Robert Larnerd The Leonini Family Mr. Michael O’Connell Mr. Tony Potochniak The Powell Family Mr. Conrad Ross The Shannon Family Mr. Bob Soltis WA2CVS The Sugarman Family Binghamton Review is printed by Our Press, in Chenango Bridge. We provide the truth; they provide the staples. Binghamton Review Binghamton University PO Box 6000 Binghamton, NY 13902-6000

binghamtonreview@gmail.com

Features

Editorial: Nate Sugarman sets the tone.

Centerfold: Adam Zabary declares war on Sweden.

Paul Liggieri rants and raves about the shortcomings of BU.

Tom Shannon summers in Binghamton.

James Novak breaks every MTV watcher’s heart.

The Editors throw Political Correctness out the window.

Ryan Dunham is tired of being white.

Elena Cox hobnobs with Kucinich & co.

John Blatchford gets sweaty with the girls.

Chris Powell honestly beleives the 60’s are over.

John Blatchford channels his inner Siskel.

Contents

Cover design by Joseph Sugarman Binghamton Review is a monthly, independent journal of news, analysis, commentary, and controversy. Students at Binghamton University receive two copies of the Review free of charge (non-transferrable). Additional copies cost $1 each. Letters to the Editor are welcome; they must be accompanied by the author’s current address and phone number. All submissions become the property of the Review. The Review reserves the right to edit and print any submission. Copyright © 2007 Binghamton Review. All rights reserved. Binghamton Review is distributed on campus under the authority of the First Amendment of the United States Constitution. Binghamton Review is a member of the Collegiate Network and is a Student Association-chartered organization. Binghamton University is not responsible for the content of the Review; the Review is not responsible for the content of Binghamton University. Binghamton Review thanks the Intercollegiate Studies Institute.

“Before all else, be armed.” -Niccolo Machiavelli

Past Editors of Binghamton Review : John Guardiano, Yan Rusanovsky, Kathryn Doherty, Ephriam Bernstein, Michael Malloy, Paul Schnier, Adam Bromberg, Bernadette Malone, Michael Darcy, Nathan Wurtzel, Amy Gardner, John Carney, Paul Torres, Jason Kovacs, Robert Zoch, Matthew Pecorino, Michael O’Connell, Louis W. Leonini, Joseph Carlone, Christopher Powell

Binghamton Review, September 2007

Editorial

We Stand Alone

s it wise, you may ask, to begin the year with of our abilities to take initiative and accomplish great such a discouraging statement? Let us put aside things on our own. Others may not share our vision, our naiveté and examine the reality of our situ- and sometimes they may try their utmost to impede ation here at Binghamton University, and if we our efforts, but that should never stand in the way. have time, our lives outside the Southern Tier as A rather personal and enlightening experience well. Incidentally, we are Binghamton Review, and which I have chosen to share with you involved a we welcome you to Binghamton University. rather aggressive Boston University girl earlier this We will find that whether it is in the context of summer. She liked to bite, and of course, I had to BU, or national and internarestrain her—my interest was tional politics, one cannot not to be bitten. I offered to expect others to take their let go of her arms in return for interests to heart. Reliance a promise against more biting, on oneself is something we but alas, she did not keep her take seriously here at the word and I was injured again. Review, as often we find I was reminded of Hamas and ourselves at variance with Hezbollah in Israel, constantly others in the public sphere being offered territory in return and have to defend ourselves. In the absence of for peace. Like Israel, I retreated, and like Hamas, altruism, we must recognize that human nature isn’t she attacked again. I made her aware of the obvious always pretty and we in turn are required to compen- parallel, and needless to say, she wasn’t amused. My sate for this adversity with a friend, who was in the next room, little pragmatism. attempted to reconcile the conflict, Something which exembut I didn’t have time to deal with plifies a harmony between the United Nations. The incident human nature and pragmatism was followed by laughter, but noneis our system of Capitalism. theless it taught me an important The beauty of Capitalism is lesson about human nature—people that is does not rely on this have their own agendas, and yours false notion of universal carmight not fit it with their plan. ing, but instead takes advan If this were my last editotage of our tendency to be rial for BR, it could be considselfish. That’s right—I said ered cynical—even misanthropic. it—being selfish is not always Fortunately, it is September, and a bad thing. Remember the most of us, myself included, are ‘80s? Who would think that staying put here at BU for at least people pursuing their own a little while longer. Whether it be material needs would lead not Resident Assistants, Muslim terto anarchy, but to the most rorists, or feisty Boston University economically prosperous form girls, it’s best not to rely on others of society ever designed? This to consider what’s best for you. epitomizes the genius of the Binghamton Review stands designers of our country, and we can never take this alone as the stronghold of reason on campus, and we for granted. as individuals often stand alone in the nature of our Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote in his 1841 essay personal pursuits. Having this in mind, the best thing Self Reliance, that everyone has the innate tendency we can do while we’re here is to have a good time, to express independent, genuine verdict when young, make lasting friendships, and maybe learn a thing or but as we age, we are “clapped into jail by [our] con- two along the way. sciousness.” Cynical? I don’t think so. Flip through this issue If Emerson was right, and we truly lose our drive and you will find we are anything but. as we age, we have some work ahead of us. Ladies and Gentlemen, we are still young. Let’s avoid going -Nate Sugarman, through college and regretting not taking advantage Editor-in-Chief Binghamton Review, September 2007

Whether it be Resident Assistants, Muslim terrorists, or feisty Boston University girls, it’s best not to rely on others to consider what’s best for you.

Trouble in BU

Simply Ludicrous

A look at some problems in Greater Binghamton by Paul Liggieri

ou know what really grinds my gears? The way Binghamton University runs itself. For supposedly being the number one state university in New York, they sure do know how to piss off their students. In other state universities, students are entitled to personal academic counselors who assist them in devising a schedule and ensuring that they take the correct classes in order to earn a bachelors degree in their major. Binghamton, on the other hand, would prefer that you read through a three page “DARS” report written like an enigma which I am positive some of our anthropology professors would have trouble deciphering. Binghamton University gives the excuse that there are too many students to give each of them personal counselors. Perhaps the university should have invested in academic assistance for their students before they decided to put up new benches and awnings to block the sun that we never see anyway. In my opinion, they make the DARS report so confusing that you mess up your schedule beyond belief, and when you finally realize what classes you need, you find yourself paying for an extra year of school in order to complete your requirements. Here is another policy that I take issue with—this profound respect and authority that Professors are giving to their Teaching Assistants. So tell me, why should an individual two years older than me, who does not have extensive knowledge in my major, be able to grade my papers and help to deter-

mine my future? Since when did degrees in engineering or business

make these kids English Professors who love to tear apart grammar, when meanwhile a number of them have trouble speaking the English language in the first

Let me fill in all you incoming freshman on a little fact: All of those meetings are bullshit.

place? It defies all logic. I am cognizant of the fact that professors are faced with an overbearing workload and therefore need to lay some of this work of on T.A’s; that’s all well and good, as long as the T.A’s are not grading my

Binghamton Review, September 2007

papers. Here’s the issue: Professors choose how many papers they want to assign. If it’s their choice to give too many of them, and then complain they can’t grade them all, that’s their problem; it should not become mine. Another inherent problem with our University lies within residential life, and the moneygrubbers who will charge you for everything. Last year, I left a table from the study lounge in my room for a week. I used the table to keep text books and other materials organized for finals week. I left the table in my room, and BANG, I get hit with a $34 fee. Can someone please tell me what this bullshit fee is actually for, or was it because they had to pay overtime to the maintenance staff to move the table 10 feet out of my room? They charged a friend of mine over $60 for leaving his rug in the room. After a thousand other things are stuffed in his car, Lord forbid he couldn’t make time to throw the rug out. Why didn’t he throw it out? Because mysteriously, there is no proper place to throw a rug out anyway, so the University traps you and bangs you out for more money. How about the selective group of Resident Assistants who believe they are God’s gift from the heavens? You guys know the ones I’m talking about. They sneak around the hallways like diamond burglars, and oh no— you have red cups in your room! This is the red flag to bust chops, write up reports, contact R.D’s, and call University police. Hey listen—just because your social

life is horrible, it doesn’t mean you have to ruin ours. Maybe it’s because the weather is so horrendous here, but sometimes we need alcohol to help us cope with the cold and the clouds. (That’s not to say what’s in the cups is beer—it could be Shasta orange soda for all they know. At least that’s what we state in official reports, and official is all that matters.) These R.A’s wants you to attend resident meetings to understand how to become a better resident. Let me fill in all you incoming freshman on a little fact: All of those meetings are bullshit. Resident Assistants rant and rave and try to be your friend. In the end, they’re only looking out for themselves, and trying to get another write up so they feel good as they go to sleep alone wondering why no one in the hall will talk to them. By the way, not all R.A’s grind my gears; there are fair amounts who are hardworking, decent individuals who I would break bread with any day of the week. But unfortunately, there are a substantial amount of bad incidents from bad R.A’s which have led to the grinding of my gears. The latest thing that threw out my clutch was the battle that took place over the bar crawl last May. So many people complained

about the open containers, and how students were going to run wild throughout the city, going nuts as they finish up the semester. The last thing this city should be worried about is us drinking. After all, if we didn’t drink, where would the city get all its revenue? Our guilty pleasure is one of their greatest money makers. But no, don’t worry about the crystal meth lab down the block, or the increasing poverty level that plagues the city. Worry about an open container, because an open container can put somebody’s life in jeopardy. I have great respect for the City Council of Binghamton. I have seen them in action, and I know that they are taking giant leaps in trying to help rid the city of poverty and crime. But the fact of the matter is that this legislative body can only make laws, they cannot enforce them. Unfortunately I cannot help but think sometimes that they want to keep the city in poverty so they can keep getting a big fat check from the government. I know, I know, Binghamton. I’m ranting and raving. But don’t get me wrong, while a few of these things bother me, many of them have solutions that are in reach, and can be implemented by

the right administrators, students leaders, and politicians. Don’t get the wrong picture; academically, you will not receive a better education for the money you are paying. And even though we have to put up with a lot of things we may not like, on paper, Binghamton University will look excellent on your resume. To the incoming freshman—I can only tell you so much, even with the problems we have, and the tangents I will go on because of them. Understand that this will probably be the best four years of your life. You will make friends that you will have for a lifetime, and you will understand what independence is, most likely for the first time. Cherish this time; because once you graduate and have to go into the work force, the real responsibilities begin. I only thank God that I’m complaining about T.A’s and Bar Crawl, as opposed to mortgage payments and finding a decent job when I get out. -Pauly is a Junior and Political Science major at Binghamton University. On his spare time he enjoys writing, debating, and bashing people’s knees in with his baseball bat.

Binghamton Review:

We already control campus. Soon it will be the world. Join us before it’s too late. Weekly Meetings: Thursdays, 9 P.M. in our office, WB05 (basement of the New Union below the food court).

E-mail: binghamtonreview@gmail.com Website: www.binghamtonreview.com Binghamton Review, September 2007

Summer Vacation?

Parlor City Pablum

A Midsummer’s outing in the Carousel Capital by Tom Shannon

elcome back to Binghamton University for another year of intellectual pursuits, Natty Ice, dryers full of surprises, parking tickets, etc. To the freshmen in the audience, hopefully you’ve all grabbed a “Road to Law School” attaché case courtesy of the XCEL Center. Subtlety sadly is useless and un-hip at Harpur College, much like it is elsewhere in American culture. Before getting too captivated by the current semester, we must look back on what happened here in Binghamton while we were all at home on TaGuylin(d). • The Press & Sun Bulletin was as unintentionally hilarious as ever this summer. “Community Conversation editor” Mary Pat Hyland wrote an agreeable op-ed on June 4th about the decline of manners in today’s s society. Agreeable, that is, until she commented about how people anonymously flame each other on her newspaper’s online message board. On this subject she wrote: “It is laudable to see some show the courage to use their real names – such as in a recent post from David K. Belsky of the Student Association at Binghamton University when he commented on the recent bar crawl. Perhaps he was fortunate to have character education before he came to

BU?” It has been almost three months and I’m still shaking my head.

One of BU’s own has emerged as an opinion writer at the Press & Sun Bulletin. Chris Strub, a former writer

...we are ceaselessly bombarded by State Senator Thomas Libous’ infinite descent into self-promoting sliminess.

for Pipe Dream, now writes regularly for the Press and he already has developed that mysteriously maddening quality that afflicts all the Press writers. In a column about Binghamton Review, September 2007

being nice to people, he wrote “… I ran into one of [BU’s] top administrators, a man often vilified by several of BU’s vindictive student media organizations.” He couldn’t have been speaking about Binghamton Review, could he? Some clarification would be appreciated. • One thing that hasn’t changed in the Valley of Opportunity is the desensitization of the volk as we are ceaselessly bombarded by state Senator Thomas Libous’ infinite descent into self-promoting sliminess. The infamous NYSEG Stadium “videoboard” that debuted this season and was paid for by an earmark “secured” by Libous is now used for commercials that portray Libous lovingly. The 15-second advertisements run at least five times a game and the narrative is as follows: “Hey! Isn’t this new ‘videoboard’ great? The B-Mets thank Senator Tom Libous for making this great new addition to the stadium possible.” Not surprisingly, there has been a sharp increase in vomiting incidents at NYSEG stadium this summer. -Tom Shannon is Managing Editor of Binghamton Review. He doesn’t get around to TaGuylin(d) much.

Not our Business

Intervention in Darfur is Wrongheaded

he situation in Darfur, Sudan is dire. The government of Omar Al-Bashir is aiding Islamic Janjaweed militias in a campaign of rape, murder, and slavery. A number of groups have emerged since this chaos broke out (most notably Save Darfur) requesting that the United States intervene. The most popular method of intervention proposed involves the US spearheading a coalition of peace keepers, placing sanctions on the Sudanese government, and establishing no fly zones. Such an intervention is not within the national interest of the United States. An intervention along these lines isn’t pragmatic because it places the United States in a situation where it has to police a civil war in which it would be bogged down, and essentially have its military resources tied up. The reality of the political dimensions of the situation are extremely complex. Peace keepers would have a number of objectives, the most obvious of which would be to make sure the Justice and Equality Movement and the Sudanese Liberation Army stopped fighting the government. Peace keepers would have to secure the borders with Chad and Congo in order to make sure the opposition movements would be unable to obtain more weaponry. At the same time they would have to make sure that Khartorum stop providing the Janjaweed militias with logistical and air support through the establishment of a no fly zone. It is also hard to believe that the American public would be able to handle sending troops to Darfur after all of the casualties that have piled up after invading Iraq. If the American people are having a hard time handling a military conflict in the Middle East, why would they be able to cope with even more troops being

by James Novak

slaughtered amidst carnage in Africa? Deploying forces would be a waste because the public would eventually demand their withdrawal once things went bad. The loss of life wouldn’t be the only loss that the United States would face. Al Qaeda would doubtlessly send any terrorist it possibly could into the largely Muslim country in order to aid the Janjaweed and Omar Al Bashir. Putting Al Qaeda in another position where it could declare victory against the Americans would be a disaster because it would embolden them, and let

Al Qaeda would doubtlessly send any terrorist it possibly could into the largely Muslim country in order to aid the Janjaweed and Omar Al Bashir.

them think that no matter what they did, they could sway the foreign policy of the United States. Placing meaningful sanctions on Sudan would be impossible to implement. The Chinese are the largest investors in that country’s oil, and they would have to be encouraged to divest from that region. What leader of a country in his or her right mind would give up access to the most crucial commodity in the world? Getting the Chinese to divest would be an impossible task for President Bush or his predecessor. The internaBinghamton Review, September 2007

tional system isn’t governed by rule of law, but instead it is ruled by those who have power. The Chinese economy has been booming over a decade. They also have the world’s largest population and an army of 2.8 million. It is doubtful that the US has the power to influence their action in this kind of situation. The United States should continue to fight for victory in Iraq and Afghanistan. While neither of those countries are glaring examples of stable societies, it would be beneficial to the US to keep forces in both countries and fight Al Qaeda in those theaters. Stretching out the war on terror to three countries would break the will of the American people, in addition to use up money and equipment that could be better used in the two countries aforementioned. Pulling out of Iraq (while staying in Afghanistan) would do irreparable damage to the prestige of the United States and hand Al Qaeda the perfect propaganda tool. As a result of obtaining such a tool, Usama Bin Laden’s terrorist organization would be more emboldened than ever and would try to pull off a Black Hawk Down style attack on American troops. It would leave the United States in a position where their enemy could claim victory twice (the American people would doubtlessly call for a pull out if they saw more of the same in Darfur right off the bat). It wouldn’t be impossible for the United States to pacify that region in the future, but right now it simply isn’t prudent. -James Novak is a Junior at Binghamton University. He is not presently on speaking terms with Bono.

Hadashot Meha’Aretz

Reportings from Israel

his summer BR had the opportunity to spend time in Israel, and we were able to gain some new perspective on a few issues. First of all, we were used to Israelis telling us how normal life is there, and how it’s not the war zone which is portrayed in the news. We never really believed any of that, mostly because of the constant negative reporting from the area, until we went there ourselves and actually experienced life in the Middle East’s only democracy. Largely due to the “apartheid” fence which the world ignorantly denounces, terrorist attacks are rare these days, and petty crime is far more infrequent than in the US. Life isn’t much different from that of a city like Miami or Los Angeles, minus the street crime. One wouldn’t know it hanging out at a beach in Tel-Aviv, or a mall in Haifa, but there are indeed tremendous dangers that the country faces, and concerns that we still had. It is still wise to avoid the towns near Gaza, for example. It is interesting to note why these areas are unsafe in the first place. Last year, Israel gave Gaza to the Palestinians, led by Hamas. Given to the Arabs in return for peace, Gaza is now a launch pad for terrorist attacks against Israeli civilians. Most in this world, and most Americans as well, see this as a “conflict” between two sides, in which both parties are fighting for land. It is, simply, not so. There are indeed good guys and bad guys, as politically incor-

by the BR Editorial Staff rect as it may be these days to say such a thing. A major assault on Gaza looms in the near future. This necessary action is falsely seen by the world as aggressive, rather than defensive, and this logic will ultimately be detrimental to the State of Israel and its citizens. Here is an analogy which comes to mind: Let’s pretend that the Mexicans all

There are indeed good guys and bad guys, as politically incorrect as it may be these days to say such a thing.

of a sudden started shooting rockets into Texas and killing civilians. The Mexicans then insist that if only America would give them Texas, which is rightfully theirs, they would cease their attacks. The Americans, in an effort to please them, give them Texas in return for peace. This only emboldens the Mexicans to shoot more rockets, only now

Binghamton Review, September 2007

into Louisiana, Arkansas, Oklahoma and New Mexico, killing even more American civilians. What then would America do? Even if it progressed to such a point, most likely, any president would have the US Armed forces storm Texas, reclaim it, and invade northern Mexico to create a buffer zone. We might even bomb Mexico City. Now try to imagine this fiasco unfolding in a country so small that rockets are able to reach cities halfway into the country. How can Israel be expected to do less than we would in the face of such a threat? Forcing Israel to lay down arms when surrounded by hostile enemies is shortsighted, and completely illogical. The media has to stop portraying savages like Hamas and Hezbollah terrorists as decent human beings, and Israel has to be able to defend itself from these barbarians. Israel has to reclaim Gaza if it wants peace, and nobody must stand in its way, especially the pompous Europeans and the United Nations. It is crucial to remember that some in this word do not want peace, or trabajo; they want our heads. These people, most notably Hamas and Hezbollah terrorists, cannot sit down at a table and reason with us—they must be killed before they themselves kill or harm people who want nothing other than to live in peace.

-BR

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Binghamton Review, September 2007

Prolix Grandiloquence

Straight White Males are Racist, Sexist and Homophobic…Apparently

t has yet to reach the point where the straight white male cannot walk down the street without someone hollering “Hey cracker, nice sweater vest,” nor, for the most part, is it likely to ever reach such a point. Nevertheless, discrimination against the straight white male in modern society has become more apparent than discriminatory social trends of the past. Identity in western culture has grown to the point where it is defined now by how much one differs from the straight white male, ostracizing the identity it strays itself from. The failure to recognize this social change is not because of marginality between the focus (the straight white male) and the outer perimeters of the reformed identity spectrum, but rather the lingering effects of previous social hierarchies. However, it should be noted beforehand that this paradigm shift is not a matter of race, gender, sexuality or class entirely. Rather, the universal understanding of identity has placed the straight white male in the center and value in distancing oneself from it. Radical disjunctures of the past have indeed valued the straight white male, and contemporary society is blaming today’s average white boy for the mistakes of the past. There is something intrinsically hypocritical in that the Administration of SUNY Binghamton, the student body, and the general public gracefully accept a Black Student Union or an Asian Student Union but obvious hostility prevents the possibility of

by Ryan Dunham

a White Student Union. There is a counter-productive movement where respect and honor is granted in ethnic pride, whereas white pride is seen as narcissistic, irrational and somehow, racist. Affirmative Action, although bearing an ostensibly positive ideology, is another failed attempt to promote equity. Yes, there is still enduring, underlying racism in western society where if two equally qualified individu-

...the universal understanding of identity has placed the straight white male in the center and value in distancing oneself from it.

als (if that is at all possible) apply for a job, race would most likely become the deciding factor between the two. However, forcing firms and educational institutions to maintain ethnic quotas, and using Whites as the basis for the system marginalizes Whites in a similar fashion to how slavery marginalized the Blacks. Of Binghamton Review, September 2007

course, currently it is to much less of a degree, and under tamer conditions, however both carry the same basic undertones. There is something to be said about a society whose educational institutions get more federal and state funding for diversity than high standardized test scores. Moreover, the radical feminist movement has placed blame on men in general for their subordinate role in society. However, the male dominance in Capitalism is merely a result of evolutionary fundamentals of sex roles. To explain it laconically—the competitiveness of males and the lack of required parental investment in comparison with the females’ nine months of pregnancy, is why a capitalistically structured society becomes a patriarchy. Radical feminism overlooks the biological investment women have in children in attempts to bring equality where there is biological disparity. The incrimination of males for the manifestation of genetic differences in the reproductive configuration in a capitalistic society is asinine. Finally, the social paradigm sees the straight white male as the reason for western culture’s failures to accept non-heterosexual tendencies. However, it has only been for the past 50-100 years that homosexuality has been seen as a matter of identity. Beforehand, homosexual activity was kept in the bathhouses; a man could visit said house to have sexual relations with a male stranger, only to return—his persona unaltered. It was a simple, as

the military coined it, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” attitude towards homosexuality. It was not however, universally considered that heterosexuality was a matter of identity; homosexuality was condemned to secrecy as it was considered abnormal behavior. Moreover, as time progressed, hierarchies focused on heterosexual relations, overlooking homosexual, even exclusively, behavior. The institution of marriage, for example, whose regulation is masked by religious institutions, reinforces the accepted importance and domination of heterosexuality. Currently though, the identity crisis has exploited homosexuality, defining it as a lifestyle and a matter of self definition— several arguing that homosexuality should be accepted in the institution of marriage. At the thrust of the Kinsey Reports, most sex theorists would argue that there is no blatant distinction between homosexuality and heterosexu-

ality, claiming that one cannot define himself or herself simply as one or the other. Thus, a growing acceptance of homosexuality into the realm of the norm has garnered attention towards homosexual and other sexual behavior that strays from heterosexuality. It should be pointed out that at the same time sexuality has become a canvas of identity, painting oneself with fetishism, The Theory of Evolution, Darwin’s conclusion that supports heterosexuality as a necessity, is being questioned. Ironically though, many of those against the Theory of Evolution are also against homosexuality. Nevertheless, the problems that arise from the shift in sexual identity are self-defining—the shift itself is the problem. Because sexuality has become a matter of identity, and thus exploited, society is plagued with sexually driven crimes (rape, pedophilia, adultery, etc.) at a growing rate. In conclusion, as well as

some self-defense, there lies no proclamation within this analysis of heterosexual, masculine or Caucasian superiority. Rather, it is the first discourse attempt to my knowledge to create awareness of a paradigm shift in today’s society that feels uncomfortable discussing such change due to the inequity of historical hierarchies of western culture. However, lingering effects from the disparities of the past cannot be undone through further disparity. Rather, the selfinterested look-at-me direction western culture has taken needs to be halted and brought back on track. Success in this society should not be merited based on attention and popularity but rather accomplishment propriety. -Ryan Dunham is a Junior at Binghamton University. We have reason to beleive that part of him wants to be a black Communist lesbian Jew, for obvious reasons.

Words of Wisdom:

These liberals are telling me that I should take it easy on the terrorists. They said that our founding fathers would have gone easier on them. They were, after all, for civil liberties. Let me ask you a question: Do you really think that our founding fathers would have put up with any of this shit? I mean, our founding fathers blew peoples’ heads off because they put a tax on their morning beverage! -dennis miller Binghamton Review, September 2007

Centerfold: 10 Things I hate about America (and possibly you) 1) People who think that I should speak their language:

by Adam Zabary

such as dishes and laundry bins at Ikea. Not only was the store’s layout nauseating, but there was not a worker in sight when you needed help deciding

I started laughing as soon as he said this bullshit, but I soon found myself having to cool my father down, who appeared as if he was going to assault the Working in a mall selling celIkean eunuch for a few lular phones, I have been plastic bags. After a few approached nearly every loud curses from my dad, day by assorted ethnics we pulled the cart out inquiring if I could speak the door. Another worker to them in whatever odd even had the nerve to ask tongues they spoke. When how our shopping experiI offered to help them ence was, even after hearin ENGLISH (we are in ing the commotion inside. America, although walkTo this my father advised ing through that mall you between a Linghasenshleifhim that he should go do somemight think otherwise) shopenbacher or a Wurtenhaufenthing to himself that the editor pers were confused and seemhas told me I cannot say. Once ingly offended by my inability flagbuefer cookware set. The we got near the car, metal barto communicate in Cambodian store was filled with crap that nobody will ever need, and riers were on the curbside to or Swahili. One customer was the stupid yuppie shoppers got prevent shoppers from bringing even venting like a moron offended when I was making the carts up to the cars. Without about Sprint’s insensitivity fun of the inferior quality of the bags, we had to lift the cart up towards minorities, since they furniture and retarded look3 feet just to put the merchandid not have any cell phone ing Scandinavian toys. Come dise in the car. I would love to contracts in Creole. When I on, who would buy their kids write a kind letter to the folks told my father about this, he a plush toy that looks like a at Ikea, but I’m not sure how laughed, as it took him less bright purple penis? But what much the postage is to Elmthan a year of being in New infuriated me the most about taryd, Sweden. York to learn English well enough communicate effective- Ikea I found out at the end of 3) People who bitch about ly, even with his D’s in English my “lovely” shopping expeFox News: when he was in high school in rience. When we got to the checkout line after picking out Israel. To everyone who is in Not only is Fox News the only this country for years and can- a few dishes that my dad innews network that comes renot speak English: get the hell sisted were perfect for various Yemenite hot pepper sauces, motely close to being fair with out. the cashier refused to give us regards to America, Israel, and bags to put our wrapped up extremist Islamic aggression, 2) Ikea: plates in, because they were the women reporters are very After moving into a new apart- environmentally unfriendly. To attractive. Even the men are make matters worse, Ikea did sharp and professional lookment, my father and I decided offer bags... at a nickel a piece. ing. Honestly, the smirks and to stock up on assorted crap Binghamton Review, September 2007

witty comments from Shepard Smith are enough to make even the most heterosexual men blush (except me, of course). But seriously, Fox is the most watched network for a reason, and its audience includes the MOST important people in America—the people who serve and have family that serve in the military. Since all the best people in America watch Fox, liberals obviously hate it. Whiny leftists even love to jump to the defense of anybody who is criticized by Bill O’Reilly or Sean Hannity. The people who are negatively portrayed on Fox News shows, such as those hosted by O’Reilly and Hannity, hate America, freedom, God, the constitution, the American flag, morals, guns, electric barbed wire fences on the borders, and red meat. It makes me relieved to know that there’s one bastion of common sense left in the media.

5) Vladimir Putin: What the hell does this guy want? His government started killing ex-KGB agents, bitching about a U.S. missile defense shield in Europe, trying to claim the North Pole for Russia, and dropping bombs over villages with funny names in Georgia. If this asshole wants another cold war, we

The store was filled with crap that nobody will ever need, and the stupid yuppie shoppers got offended when I was making fun of the inferior quality of the furniture and retarded looking Scandinavian toys.

6) Politically active celebrities: I wonder what Hugo Chavez is thinking when he has morons like Danny Glover and Sean Penn praising him and sympathizing with him over his alienation from the West. He is probably thinking what kind of country would allow these fools to travel the world running their irrelevant mouths. You know what, Hugo? Maybe a dictatorship isn’t so bad after all.

7) NYC Department of Education:

So you think opening a public Arabic middle school in Brooklyn is a good idea. Wow. With the looming creation of the Khalil Gibran International Academy, the city is making it clear that it is OK for immigrants to come to America and twist the government’s balls so they can avoid speaking Eng4) People who are criticizlish and adopting American ing Barry Bonds: culture (see point #1). There are already Chinese language If anything, give the man credschools in New York, but for it. He still passed Hank Aaron’s some reason I think this may be mark of 755 home runs even a bit more troublesome. Maybe with all those potential side efit’s the rumors circulating that fects of steroid use. So the man the soon-to-be-principal has got a little bigger (what’s 40 should give him one. On secfriends with ties to Hezbollah pounds these days anyway?). ond thought, we should destroy and Hamas. Or maybe a curBonds still managed to stay the USSR once and for all. riculum of Arabic studies just healthy, keep his bat speed Judging by my countless hours might not be such a good way up, and fight off the growth watching the Military Chanto get a non-biased, quality of man-boobs. Say we started nel instead of looking for a job education. But, I doubt anyone injecting the whiny Bob Cosearly this summer, the United who would send their kids to tas with steroids—would that States has some crazy weapons this “school” would care about make him a superhuman home that would make the war pretty that stuff anyway. Maybe the run hitter? I don’t think so. lopsided. Come on George, af- city should make sure every ter you take out Iran, let’s have high schooler in the system some fun. can read before they get ballsy Binghamton Review, September 2007

enough to open a Madrassah in Brooklyn.

8) Al Gore: I’m not even going to argue with his warped views on the looming destruction of Planet Earth due to people driving cars that can get to 60 miles per hour in less than 25 seconds. Let’s be fair and call a spade a spade here. Al Gore is THE most boring speaker alive, with the charisma of a peanut. Soon after I turned on his “Inconvenient Truth” bore-fest, I found myself switching to an Animal Planet special on dung beetles. Not only did Gore’s film have cheesy graphics and make laughably exaggerated claims, but the only moderately interesting part was when he went off on a tangent and started talking about how his father got rich from tobacco farming. You really know Gore was being selective with his “facts” when he fails to mention that 999 of the world’s 1000 dirtiest cities are in China. At least Michael Moore can keep the audience entertained when convincing us that capitalism and George W. Bush are the roots of all evil. Yeah, Al, I even like Michael Moore more than you.

9) Public outcry towards Michael Vick:

Unless you have been living in a bubble without cable the past few weeks you would know that Michael Vick, quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons, had charges of animal cruelty brought up against him after discovering more dog-fighting equipment in his home than in

smell hypocrisy...

10) Fans of Dane Cook:

Finally I can vent the rage I have been bottling up for years when hearing about how “funny” Dane Cook is and how “awesome” his HBO specials are. I’m sorry to say, but recently seeing clips of him on YouTube have confirmed that, in my mind, Dane Cook is about as funny as pancreatic cancer. Not only does he not hold a candle to comedians such as Chris Rock, George Carlin, or even Jeff Foxworthy, but his cockiness and lack of any form of actual jokes make me want to strangle anyone who laughs at his bullshit. This moron even laughs at his own material during his shows. That’s our job, asshole. Comedian Andy Kindler put it perfectly when he said that Cook “is a pyramid scheme.” and all of Latin America. So he beat to “tell ten friends who know a few underperforming dogs to nothing about comedy about death. I’m not going to try and him.” excuse this, but I think our society needs to get our priorities -Adam Zabary is Buisstraight. I do not remember too ness Manager of Binghamton much public outcry during the Review. He can usually be trial of Ray Lewis, who probfound watching the Military ably did commit the double Channel or Animal Planet on homicide he was accused of. his new HD flat panel. But two black adolescents are not nearly as important as a few mangled pit bulls, right? I

Dane Cook is about as funny as pancreatic cancer.

www.binghamtonreview.com Binghamton Review, September 2007

VIP Room

Election 2008: Ground Zero

by Elena Cox

ith the 2008 Presidential Election a long year away, the majority of the American public are not yet ready to focus on politics. However, with the Democratic Party poised for victory in the White House, the real contest in this election is between those seven candidates vying for their party’s nomination. In a highly publicized lead, Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama are currently at the top of the heap. Yet five other candidates are in close competition.

myself to Congressman Kucinich, a man whose head is barely taller than my shoulder and whose wife is about a foot taller than me. With his short stature and greasy hair, Kucinich, who also ran

Kucinich in 1978 with who appears to be ‘Shaft’. I had the opportunity to watch the All-American Presidential Forum on Race hosted by Tavis Smiley of PBS at Howard University in the end of June. After leaving the auditorium and heading to the pressroom, I was excited to meet the two people who at the moment are most likely to not only gain the Democratic nomination, but to win the election. But instead, I was greeted by Former Senator Mike Gravel of Alaska, Governor Bill Richardson of New Mexico, and Congressman Dennis Kucinich of Ohio. My initial disappointment was soon lifted after introducing

in the 2004 election, will most likely not be able to convince the public to let him become the face of America. This is a fact that even he is aware of and is therefore using this election to get his far left ideas out in the open. His charisma was visible as he made it a point to try and speak with everyone in the room, no matter how small the organization they were representing. As I watched Kucinich in action, I realized that he is just a regular guy trying to get his ideas across. By refusing to come to the pressroom after the debates, Clinton, Obama, and Edwards gave the appearance of believed superiority to the other candidates. With Kucinich’s friendly demeanor, he Binghamton Review, September 2007

With his short stature and greasy hair, Kucinich, who also ran in the 2004 election, will most likely not be able to convince the public to let him become the face of America.

has definitely earned my support, even though we both know that it will be what others call “a wasted vote.” After speaking with Kucinich, I attempted to speak with Governor Richardson who was completely surrounded by press. After waiting for a few minutes, watching Richardson become flustered and have his assistant use a handkerchief to wipe his brow, I gave up and instead moved on to Former Senator Gravel who was surrounded by a much smaller crowd. Upon meeting Gravel, I discovered that his views are really only focused on two things: drugs and the war in Iraq. With his inability to express his opinion on any of the other important issues such as education or racism, Gravel gave the appearance of an incapable candidate. Unlike Kucinich, Gravel does not have the necessary charm needed to sway the American people into believing his ideals. Instead, he comes off as uneducated, and at times senile, something that the public will not want in their President. In the end, although I was unable to meet the alleged top candidates, meeting the others was a great experience and something I will never forget. It taught me to give a glance at the underdog even if the chance of them making it past New Hampshire is slim to none. Because at the end of the day, they are just people trying to get their ideas across and everyone deserves a chance to do that. -Elena Cox is a freshman at Binghamton University. The VIP room wasn’t the same without R. Kelly, but she had fun anyway.

Bynghamton Sports

Going Nowhere Fast

Binghamton’s Female Athletes fail to perform as a Team

n terms of team success the 2006-2007 season may have been the worst ever for female athletics at Binghamton University while at the division one level. Not a single varsity team made it to the championship game in their respective America East tournaments, each finishing lower than they had the previous season. Of the three teams (cross country, track, and swimming,) competing in final competitions without a bracket style tournament, not one finished above fifth place. Most startling of all though is that every single team, besides tennis, finished with a worse record this season than the previous one. That’s right, don’t adjust your TV or scramble for your reading glasses, the aforementioned facts are true. It must be recognized though that many individual accomplishments arose from what appeared to be an abysmal season. Kim Williams was named the Athlete of the Meet at the America East Outdoor Track and Field Championships, Zeynep Altinay was the America East player of the year for women’s tennis, and academic awards came in a flurry for nearly every team on campus. As individuals, many can feel proud of what they accomplished this year, but as overall teams the way in which we lost this season leaves much to be desired. Varsity softball lost by a combined 116 runs for the season, losing thirteen games by five or more runs, and at one point went on a streak of ten straight losses. Lacrosse faired even worse compiling a 1-14 record and went

by John Blatchford

without one America East win. These young ladies also lost by an average of eight goals per game and their head coach stepped down following the season. Swimming and diving struggled through a poor season ending with one win and a last place finish at the America East championship meet. The way we fell so far behind those in our

To what can we attribute such drastic decay in overall success? ...Perhaps too many late nights at sports bar?

conference is little to be proud of, but what could hurt more are teams with solid seasons who lost in dramatic ways during their conference championships. Most notable may be women’s basketball, where the fourth seeded Bearcats rallied from seventeen points down to beat the fifth seeded Boston TerriBinghamton Review, September 2007

ers in the America East quarterfinals. This would make for a great story if it weren’t for the 56-46 loss they were hit with the following game by top-seeded Hartford to be bounced from the tournament in the semifinals. Soccer faced an equally painful demise when they entered the America East tournament seeded fourth only to lose dramatically to the fifth-seeded University of New Hampshire in the quarterfinals on penalty kicks. Not only was this a terrible way to lose, but also it was nothing new, as Binghamton lost by penalty kicks last season in much the same way. This all is made more difficult considering the fact that this season they were only two years removed from an America Easy title. Despite strong individual efforts, and possibly their best regular season ever, tennis could not make it to the conference finals as they had the previous two years. Instead, their strong season was ended abruptly at the hands of an inferior UMBC team in the conference semifinals. In similar fashion, volleyball had their strong season ended to a lower-seeded UMBC team in the semifinals of the America East tournament. A team that had won the America East title only a year before, the Binghamton volleyball girls found themselves with an early exit at home, a place they hadn’t lost at in fourteen matches. Track and field and Cross Country, despite strong seasons and even better championship meets from Williams, Katie Redzik, and record breaking

4x100 and 4x400 relays, both teams finished lower in their conference championships than they had the previous season. I group these two sports together not out of ignorance, but because they have similar conference championships without a regular season tally of wins and lossesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;but I digress. To what can we attribute such drastic decay in overall success? Could this be a rebuilding year where young talent moves to the forefront and makes way for future success? Was there simply bad luck or poor coaching along the way? Is the conference growing around us while we remain

stagnant? Could it be the demanding academic curriculum? Perhaps too many late nights at sports bar? Whatever the reason, we seem to have hit the bottom in many respects as far as female athletics go. This is not to say that the male side of athletics loomed large and cast a shadow that the women were incapable of crawling out from. The men in earnest had a good season with various highlights, but I am still searching for an answer as to why the women faired so poorly this season. Whatever the reason, one thing is certain: We have a future. Recruiting looks great and if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve read to this point in the article we obvi-

ously have people who care about the state of Binghamton sports. If nothing else, we can strive for more in the hopes that with the apparent individual success, teams will be built and strengthened while academic excellence, which has garnished awards from all over the country, is maintained. So hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s to hoping that this year will be a better year, and unfortunately for some, the only way to move is up. -John Blatchford is a sophomore at Binghamton University. Win or lose, he thinks women athletes are still fun to watch.

Disagree with us? Write a letter to the editor and send it to binghamtonreview@gmail.com Letters may be submitted at any time and must be limited to 600 words

Binghamton Review, September 2007

Ideology Meteorology

Keeping A Clear Head Under Cloudy Skies

elcome (back) to Binghamton University; a university much like any other–a thriving academic center complete with all the usual cast of characters: The hackey-sacking hippies, the beer-swilling greeks (and proud beer-swilling masses), overachievers, over-stressers, SA dorks (see: Author) and, of course, interesting Professors. This is a school with a lot to offer; including nearly 15,000 students from all walks of life, 160 student groups, numerous courses of study (you can even design your own!), and Binghamton’s renowned State Street. And yet something is missing… Like virtually all institutes of “higher” education BU’s campus discourse seems to be seriously lacking in ideological balance. The discourse among BU’s faculty often seems limited to the ethical clashes between Vegans and Vegetarians. What I’m saying is that no one on this campus seems to say the right thing. Well, almost no one. Binghamton Review was first published in September 1987 by a group of students, several of whom were Soviet expatriates. These were individuals who had personally experienced the horrors of life in the USSR and were disgusted by the love affair that American academics have with communism. They were brave individuals who were willing to risk their reputation on campus, who

by Christopher Powell

were willing to risk alienation and ostracism in order to speak the truth. They spoke out to expose

(and ridicule) some of the disturbing facts about life at BU. Their legacy lives on in this magazine for the sole reason that (unfortunately) the academic myopia

The discourse among BU’s faculty often seems limited to the ethical clashes between Vegans and Vegetarians.

these individuals were battling is still thriving on our campus. For example, BU should be proud to have a number of brave men and women enrolled in Binghamton Review, September 2007

ROTC programs, individuals who are earning their degrees before heading off to risk their necks for our freedom. However, these students never seem to be mentioned or recognized…or even seen…on campus. In fact, BU refuses to host an ROTC program, and as a result these brave students are forced to commute to participate in exercises and to check in with their commanding officers. If you should be so fortunate to discover one of BU’s dirty little “ROTC” secrets please be sure to send the blessings of their friends at BR. BU’s President gained significant esteem from her days as a prominent sociologist. Our Provost was an administrator at the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor during the days of their unconstitutional, ridiculous Affirmative Action policy. The system was based upon a point system that included bonus points for being female or a member of a “repressed” ethnicity. These two individuals represent the top leaders of our University. It’s unsettling to think how much influence these individuals have over the curriculum and the degree requirements of BU; regardless of whether any such abuses have occurred it is frightening that there appears to be no separation of powers or checks and balances in place between the ideological branches of our educational system. So, how can students work to combat these biases and hopefully improve

the state of education (aside from writing for the Review of course)? If I were to claim that the solution to the imbalance in higher education is to listen to Rush Limbaugh daily, TiVo Fox News or consider every word in this journal as irrefutable fact then I would be no better than my opponents. It is impossible for any individual to completely remove their own biases from the consideration of information, and it be naïve and arrogant of me to claim that I had done so. Rather than ask the reader to attempt to remove their own biases from their thoughts or suggest that readers only adhere to the right bias I ask that readers work to remove their professors biases from the classroom. When your Calculus teacher makes a President Bush joke in a pathetic effort to retain class interest (shameless showmanship and exploitation of liberal students is a favorite among professors stuck with boring topics and early morning classes) refuse to acknowledge him/her. Regardless of political bend, any mature individual should be able to recognize a situation in which such a pointless, mean-spirited is unnecessary or inappropriate aside– force your bewildered professor to recognize it too. When a professor says that something (anything really…) is “society’s burden to bear”, don’t hesitate to question him/her. Ask why your hard-earned money should be appropriated to feeding an individual who refuses to work or contribute to society. Ask why your money should be used to provide healthcare to an individual who did not seek his own.

Why should your money be used to maintain roads you don’t use? Why should it be used for weaponry that seems unnecessary? To borrow from the 1960’s ancestors of today’s educators, question everything. A professor’s job can be divided into two areas– the imparting of knowledge and the encouragement of personal growth/discovery. A professor should be able to accurately and completely defend (with adequate reference/proof) any argument

My intent is to remind students to free themselves of the burdensome biases that many students and educators are carrying.

that is presented as knowledge or fact. If a professor wants to make a biased or political statement in order to foster debate and encourage growth then he or she must be willing to allow students the impunity to argue any point they would like. Otherwise they are simply perpetuating the cycle of academic bias, educational thug-

Binghamton Review, September 2007

gery and low-brow higher education. If more educated persons tended to be more liberal because liberal views are “smarter,” then Republican ideals should’ve died off with the implementation of public schools. Political debates continue because both viewpoints have their place, regardless of what some of your professors or “advanced” peers may try to tell you. No one can figure out the world for you, so ask questions and read heavily– leverage your college ideas to define more than simply your major. The point of this article is not to accuse President DeFleur or Provost Swain of any impropriety (nothing extreme has been noted in recent memory). The article isn’t intended to foster animosity towards campus professors or the campus’s Frisbee-ing hippies, and it certainly isn’t to indoctrinate students into the BR way of thinking (see graphic below). My intent is to remind students to free themselves of the burdensome biases that many students and educators are carrying. If students can rid themselves of their biases and learn to use questions to find the truth (Socrates can explain that one better than me...) then maybe we’ll see some clearer heads under Binghamton’s cloudy skies. -Chris Powell is Editor Emeritus of Binghamton Review. He likes to sit in his tanning bed, drink Mai Tais, and pretend he’s the new leadder of ‘Free Cuba.‘

Popcorn Junkie

Summer Movies in Review

The Winners and Losers of Summer ‘07 by John Blatchford

The Simpsons Movie The Simpsons Movie did not disappoint the longtime legacy created by the 18 year old show. While the show is generally humorous but rarely laugh-out-loud funny, the movie kept the laughs going continuously and even garnered some audible chuckles. The humor and usual antics you may expect from the show permeated through to the movie but were also unfortunately followed by a mediocre plot and points in which the creators are seemingly trying too hard for a laugh. The movie could easily be seen as just another, longer version of a Simpsons episode. The movie does nothing to explain the show or conclude the long lasting series, but simply brings the typical Simpsons episode to the silver screen. Each character faces a personal dilemma, and even frequent Simpsons fans will be surprised by the stupid moves Homer continues to make, and the effects it has on those around him. Bart, after 18 years (television years although the characters remain the same age?) of being choked by his father, begins to stray towards the loving Jesus inspired hands of Ned Flanders. Bart walks the line between the opportunity for a new father figure and the rocky relationship he has with his own father. Marge also seemingly has had enough of Homer’s childish ways and even threatens to leave him along the way unless he can correct what he has done. Lisa falls in love with a smooth conservationist only to realize her father has ruined all the positive work she has done for the environment. In usual Maggie fashion, the infant finds a way to save the day despite only being able to suck on a pacifier and crawl across the screen. The situations created by

Homer’s faults are all too familiar which can be a comfortable haven for the common Simpsons fan, or a tiring repeat of an 18-year saga. Overall the movie presents some new plots and humor while staying on track with the usual themes from the show that would inspire one to see the movie in the first place. Rating = BMr. Brooks Mr. Brooks could possibly be the quietest great pick of this summer. As man of the year, Earl Brooks (Kevin Costner) is a likeable, wealthy businessman who has a loving family and everything going his way. What people don’t know is that he is a masterfully skilled serial killer with an alter ego Marshall (William Hurt) who inspires him to murder even when Costner tries to stay away. Costner does not want to kill, thinking that he is too old and too well established to revert back to his old ways but when the urge comes and Marshall eggs him on to kill just once more, Mr. Brooks can only give in. This time is unlike any other time in that somebody witnesses the killings. Mr. Smith (Dane Cook) witnesses the attacks and uses this as blackmail. What he wants from Mr. Brooks is not money or fame but something else entirely. The story continues in such fashion with Cook’s character following Mr. Brooks and the many subplots and twists arise throughout. The plot is new and refreshing and strays from what we usually expect from movies in this day and age. The characters and actors chosen to portray them are polarizing, going from phenomenal casting and acting from Costner, Cook and Hurt, to conBinghamton Review, September 2007

fusing and distracting work from Demi Moore and CSI’s Marg Helgenberger. Moore could easily be replaced with a different, more talented actress and the audience waits during the entire movie for Helgenberger to pull out her flashlight or gather evidence to send to the lab, both of which obviously never happen. Dane Cook does a surprisingly good job of playing the crazed and obsessed witness with little use of his real life comedic talents. Hurt may be the most interesting and engaging character in the film as he is always chirping in Costner’s ear and making little quips to keep the humor alive. Costner plays one of his best roles ever and we can easily imagine him being successful and rich with a dark underside. While the plot continues to twist and amaze, it sometimes goes too far in an attempt to create surprise and intrigue. Throughout the movie the role of Brooks’ daughter (Danielle Panabaker) goes from strained to strange and scenes late in the movie stand to ruin the solid film around them. With very good casting and an interesting storyline all the way to the end, Mr. Brooks could be the most underrated movie in the summer of overrated blockbusters. Rating= B+ Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix As my observant aunt made apparent to me, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was both the longest book in the series as well as the shortest movie yet, and it showed. As a stand-alone movie by itself, the fifth installment of Harry Potter on the big screen was merely decent. It seems as though the movie was being made on a deadline and the filmmakers ran out

21 based on, and the fifth installment was perfect for Al Pacino. Once Mr. Bank of time. The huge paramount ending a glaring example why. There is only crosses one of Ocean’s men; the movie written over many pages in the book, so much you can cram into a movie unfolds as a mission to settle a personal seems rushed in the movie, and imporbefore you have to leave out important vendetta the men have against Bank. tant details of the book were seemingly details or other nuances that could They of course break the unbreakable, forgotten. It is probably safe to assume enhance the story. The movie still beat the unbeatable, and use their usual that people watching the Order of the however presents the story we love antics to accomplish the task. While Phoenix movie have read the books and even occasional humor to save it it somehow still works, the plot and and seen the movies prior. If this were storyline do not stray not the case howtoo far from ones ever, one could we have seen in the be left wondering past. However new what is going on or problems arise and the why certain events boys enlist the help take place. There of past characters that is little explanayou may not expect. tion as to why The plot is hardly new certain things are so but it is done in such a important and even way that the audience characters are not can still appreciate always identified that which they are throughout. Also being presented. The there is an obvious quips and chemistry lack of main charamong the main character Draco Malfoy acters including Brad (Tom Felton) and Pitt and Matt Damon an overdose of continue to make the the absent minded f you re looking for a good movie enjoyable and Luna Lovegood interesting to watch. (Evanna Lynch). movie to take your signifi I was however conThe movie often fused and annoyed seems to focus far cant other to there may be by the use of Vincent too strongly on the Cassel’s character, no better from this summer presence of new François Toulour. defense against Toulour was the main the dark arts profrom being a complete disaster. opposition in Ocean’s Twelve, and fessor, Dolores Umbridge (Imelda Rating= C+ played an inspired and charismatic Staunton), who imposes the Ministry role as a French master thieve. As of Magic’s rules inside the Hogwarts Ocean’s Thirteengood as he was in the second movie, walls. She seems to appear more in in Ocean’s Thirteen it seems as though the movie than any other character, Ocean’s Thirteen shaped up to they just want to include him. He has and the storyline involving her and the be the best of the heralded trilogies to an underlying role throughout and it is ministry seem to outplay the roles of be released this summer. Danny Ocean almost as if at the end of the movie, the Voldermort, Harry, Dumbledore, and and his motley crew of characters directors remembered he was supposed even the Order of the Phoenix. reunite in order to do what they love to to have a part and threw him back in. Another problem I had with do, steal in an elaborate fashion. This The twists and turns are reminiscent of the movie was that the fifth book was time they are back to the casino and the other Ocean movies we know and really where Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) even include some new faces in their love however, the way in which they and Cho’s (Katie Leung) relationship activities. Al Pacino does a very good carry out their revenge is intriguing. flourished throughout the story, but The beauty of Pacino’s character being instead this affair was portrayed shortly job as Willy Bank, a casino tycoon who uses any means necessary to so easy to hate is that as Ocean’s men and without much flare in the movie. make money for himself. The charattempt stick it to him, we silently hope To me the Harry Potter movies will acter is ruthless, cold, humorous, and that they get him back in full. While never match up to the books they are

’

Binghamton Review, September 2007

22 the movie follows a similar pattern to the other Ocean movies, the third installment also presents twists and turns along with some new characters that make it one of the better films of 2007. Rating =B Spiderman 3 If you have not heard already, Spiderman 3 was a grave letdown. With the impossibly overwhelming hype that the movie received, Spiderman 3 did not only fall flat in terms of quality, but disappointed the decent legacy created by the success of the first two Spiderman movies. Many, including me, traveled in droves to see the midnight showing of Spiderman 3 the night of its premiere only to walk away disappointed. Some people left during the movie, others booed, and there was not the usual “so how did you like it” after the film was over, just a simple shake of the head and a longing for the ten dollars we burned to see it. To begin with the movie seemed like three crammed into one. There were three villains and enough fighting and action to make the most enthralled action fan overwhelmed and dizzy. Even if the storylines were taken directly from the comic books, they were presented in a terrible fashion and the creators of this movie seemed to be scrambling to keep the viewer’s attention. The Sandman (Thomas Haden Church) is revealed as the true killer of Peter’s uncle and I left with clumps of hair under my nails from scratching my head. This fact was revealed to us at an insanely random time and without any reasoning. Once Venom (Topher Grace) comes into the film, the hope would be that either him or the Sandman would emerge as the main enemy, but somehow they end up working together without any rhyme or reason. With Venom taking over, Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire) goes into “emo” mode, emblazoned with black eye shadow and black hair

to match. He becomes like Jim Carey in The Mask with a cocky swagger and an unidentifiable aphrodisiac that makes women drawn to him. The only problem is that the only props they had to use in Spiderman 3 were the venom suit and some punk rock makeup as opposed to the green mask that Carey had. A bizarre scene unfolds with Peter dancing around in a jazz

With Venom taking over, Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire) goes into “emo” mode, emblazoned with black eye shadow and black hair to match.

drama if not for the camouflage of crap around these events. Everything comes together to create an ending scene where one enemy switches sides, one merely gives up, and the other is destroyed in grand fashion. With moderate acting, overwhelming storyline, and strange attempts to enhance the movie, Spiderman 3 offers little more than shallow action and disappointment. Rating= CNo Reservations-

A review is almost unecesary for this movie as it is quite predictable. No Reservations emerges as predicted— a chick flick complete with the usual pillow fight, love gained, love lost, love gained again and everybody coming together to create a family. The movie in all of its chick-flick glory does actually offer some decent dialogue and sporadic humor. The film does also manage to create some genuinely tear-jerking moments, starting very early and taking shots throughout, so I would advise the weak of heart not to see this movie in order to save the embarrassment. Catherine Zeta-Jones and Aaron Eckhart both provide strong but not amazing efforts while eleven year old Abigail Breslin emerges as a club and making an ass of himself to very talented young actress. Although everybody. Kirsten Dunst continues it follows a usual lifetime movie mold, with her poor job of acting in this film the restaurant theme and complexity of as Mary Jane, except this time around Zeta-Jones’ character make this movie there is no decent movie to save her. a notch above the regular chick flick. As if the duo of enemies were not If you’re looking for a good movie enough, James Franco’s character of to take your significant other to, there Harry Osborn becomes Young Goblin may be no better from this summer. and thoroughly confuses even more. Rating = C+ Franco as the sole enemy or even one of two enemies could be compelling -John Blatchford was recently and make for a good movie. However admitted to rehab for a popcorn overthe trio of enemies ruin the compeldose. He has also developed a mild ling story created by the relationship case of Carpel Tunnel. between Peter Parker and Harry Osborn. They were once friends, became enemies, and their relationship takes many interesting turns during the movie. This could make for good

Binghamton Review, September 2007

The BR presidential endorsements for election 2008 are in!

Here are our favorites along with some background information and why we support them:

Republican:

Rudi Giuliani

-Former Mayor of NYC -Takes Iran and Islamic extremism seriously -Has the most rational health care policy of the Republican candidates -In favor of lower taxes across the board

Democrat:

Independent:

Dennis Kucinich Michael Friedwald

-Ohio Congressman -Being the left wing nut that he is, and somewhat vulcan-esque in appearance, he would easily be defeated by any leading Republican candidate...which is of course why we support him

Binghamton Review

Binghamton University P.O. Box 6000 Binghamton, N.Y. 13902-6000 Binghamton Review, September 2007

-Worked at Eckard for a couple summers and we think maybe a pet store at some point back in high school -He’s a newcomer to Washington, and has a fresh charisma that other candidates lack -Friedwald doesn’t take crap from anybody. -We think he might just pull off a 3.0 GPA this semester if he stops playing X-Box and drinking Bacardi Breezers all the time…if he manages to do this, we see no reason to vote any other way. Watch your ass Hillary—Friedwald is coming! Nonprofit Org. U.S. Postage PAID Permit 61 Binghamton, NY