Editorial by Matt Gagliano

Dear Readers,

We’re baaaaaaaaack! What, you didn’t actually believe that “we’re retiring” business in the last issue, did you? You fool, don’t you know that everything you say on April Fool’s Day should be interpreted as a joke? Like when I said the last issue was “completely serious,” or that Gatt Magliano had a “giant penis,” or when the doctors told me that “my dad died in a car crash.” Pfft, anyway, unlike the last issue, this one is completely serious. Well, as serious as Binghamton Review normally is, anyway.

As this is a serious issue of Binghamton Review, we have serious articles, and serious hot takes. One such example of this is Madeline Perez’s “Top 5 Reasons We Need To Ban Sex” on page 7. As you can probably tell from the title, she is discussing why we should get rid of the act known as “sex,” something of which I, as well as everyone else here at Binghamton Review, am very familiar with. As this is an act that I, as well as everyone else here at Binghamton Review, do quite often, I do not agree that we should ban it. However, since this is the free speech paper, I have to publish this piss-poor opinion anyway. You see, the fact that I said “piss” is a sly reference to sex, which is something that I, as well as everyone else here at Binghamton Review, do often, in case you forgot. Wait, huh… I am just now being informed that piss is not something that you often do during sex. Clearly my source for this is incorrect, as I, as well as everyone else here at Binghamton Review, have more experience with sex than that source, as it (sex) is something that we do often. And by that, I mean we do it separately. As in, we all do it often, but not together. The “we” can be misconstrued in that sentence, so I just wanted to clarify.

Other hot takes include Tommy Gagliano’s article, “Disney College Program: Is It Worth It?” on page 10. He discusses the DCP, which unfortunately stands for “Disney College Program” and not “Double Cock Penetration.” I was very excited to read about whether or not double cock penetration was worth it or not, but instead, all I got was some boring ass “Didney Worl” garbage. I say “boring” and “garbage” simply because I’m disappointed about the lack of double cock penetration (don’t take that out of context), and not because the article is bad. It’s actually quite good, and I would recommend reading it; I’m just bitter.

The featured article in this issue is “CON Job: The Government and Healthcare” by Shayne O’Loughlin on page 8. Since Shayne has been a part of the club for months without ever writing before, I was going to feature his article anyway, but it actually turned out really good and well-researched, so he definitely earned it. Read it or else Shayne will be sad and never write for us again. You don’t want that, do you? DO YOU???

Sincerely,

Matt Gagliano

Binghamton Review is a non-partisan, student-run news magazine of conservative thought founded in 1987 at Binghamton University. A true liberal arts education expands a student’s horizons and opens one’s mind to a vast array of divergent perspectives. The mark of true maturity is being able to engage with these perspectives rationally while maintaining one’s own convictions. In that spirit, we seek to promote the free and open exchange of ideas and offer alternative viewpoints not normally found or accepted on our predominately liberal campus. We stand against tyranny in all of its forms, both on campus and beyond. We believe in the principles set forth in this country’s Declaration of Independence and seek to preserve the fundamental tenets of Western civilization. It is our duty to expose the warped ideology of political correctness and cultural authoritarianism that dominates this university. Finally, we understand that a moral order is a necessary component of any civilized society. We strive to inform, engage with, and perhaps even amuse our readers in carrying out this mission.