BINGHAMTON REVIEW
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Dear Readers,
From the Editor
Is it too late to say Happy New Year? Even if it is, the cliché “New Year, new me” seems well in effect. You may notice the brevity of this editorial, compared to the honkin’ big ad beneath me. Expect more of this in the semester to come, since I know nobody reads this anyways. However, if you are a staunch Editorial loyalist, you can make your displeasure known in our readership survey on page 13.
Otherwise, I hope you enjoy the issue, and that you strongly consider the contest advertised beneath me. Although my conservative views are no secret, I’m absolutely open to hosting the same ad for College Democrats. So long as I get good opinion pieces, I’m happy. Enjoy the issue, everybody!
Sincerely,
Arthur O’Sullivan
Our Mission
Binghamton Review is a non-partisan, student-run news magazine founded in 1987 at Binghamton University. A true liberal arts education expands a student’s horizons and opens one’s mind to a vast array of divergent perspectives. The mark of true maturity is being able to engage with these perspectives rationally while maintaining one’s own convictions. In that spirit, we seek to promote the free and open exchange of ideas and offer alternative viewpoints not normally found on campus. We stand against dogma in all of its forms, both on campus and beyond. We believe in the tenents of free expression and believe all sudents should have a voice on campus to convey their thoughts. Finally, we understand that mutual respect is a necessary component of any prosperous society. We strive to inform, engage with, and perhaps even amuse our readers in carrying out this mission.
Views expressed by writers do not necessarily represent the views of the publication as a whole.
Advice Column
I offered to give you all life advice. These were your questions.
Is cryptocurrency even worth it at this point? Yes, but only Binguscoin
How many things do you ponder every day?
I ponder the infinite mysteries of the universe on an hourly basis. My mind wanders this vast void so much that I have charted many more stars than NASA has even found. This endless journey has been both rewarding but also taxing. The discoveries made during this journey have been wonderful, more so than I can ever possibly write down. The cost however has been my social standing, as my wanderings have kept me away so long that many assume I’m dead and buried. Was the price worth it? That remains to be seen, but hopefully my imagination eventually gives me a way out of this rubber room.
Is it weird to be scared of wild mushroom?
The unknown is always frightening. That being said, yes it is weird to be scared of wild mushrooms, they’re inanimate objects. It’s not like they are going to get up and follow you to your home. I mean, being afraid of a fungus is just … hold that thought, I have to go answer the door real quick.
So I’ve had this debate going with my friend, and we had this question—oh, what was that—wait, stop transcribing this. Okay HAHAHAHAHAH [inaudible].Okay okay okay okay. Who would you rather fight—bare hands, no weapons nor armor, open colosseum, no running away: a lion, a bear, a gorilla? You got that?
Are you drunk? Also, the answer’s a lion because I’ll just jangle my keys in front of it like I do with my own cat and wife.
How would you fix?
Not how I would fix, but that I made the promise to fix, is the fix itself (I’m mocking US politicians, based on my opinion of them). Hahaha no, I’m kidding. I’m actually serious: Well first of all, I would fix it by [first immediate obvious solution that actually satisfies everyone with minimal damage or losses, evaluated after the nuances have been weighed in a pros and cons list with the most pros that minimizes biases from and against anyone or any group]. That should work the first try, I would be really thorough and cut to the
Written by our Staff
chase.
If that doesn’t work, I’d immediately stop, revert any damages if any, and get a second opinion. I will reconvene the people who need this decision made, ask for suggestions and then reform Plan B. Also anybody who will be affected by this decision to be made (to prevent accidentally oppressing anyone; I’m a Leftist) will also be added to the reconvene meeting so their voices will be heard (unless those voices are ignorant of the purpose of not trying to oppress anyone, in which case, playing it safe and ignoring the words of ignorance is wise).
To satisfy everyone, I need to work in a system of mutual frustration, so just know that if it’s frustrating, it might work. But, we also live in a system of checks and balances, so it would only be balanced out if all things check out to all parties involved. Does that answer your question? If not, I will clarify my communication by-
Got my digits stuck in one of those chinese finger traps. How do i get them out? i’m tired of typing with my feet :( If you can type with your feet you can use scissors with your feet. Who cares if one of your fingers ends up a little shorter than before, it’s better than having your fingers stuck forever.
Best ways to spend this $50 amazon card, serious answers only. The best way to spend any gift card is by giving it to the man on the phone who claims that gift cards are the best way to pay off any debt you have, even if you don’t remember going into debt in the first place.
How can Hooters up their game?
Hooters would be perfect if had one of those tobacco walls that you see at gas stations, but it was behind the bar counter and you could have a zyn or a cig anytime you wanted.
$10,000 or dinner with the woke m&ms?
That’s an easy choice. Take the $10,000 dollars and then just eat as many times as you want with the woke m&ms.
What do you think obama listens to when he’s horny? Recordings of various drone strikes ordered during his administration.
In a hypothetical situation, do you think it’s chill if Epstein’s island got a vote in the UN Security Council? Chill? Brother, it would be ice cold. So many diplomatic problems would be solved, like… uhhh…
Need life advice? Email manager@binghamtonreview.com for more wacky, quirky, and zany responses.
The Redemption of Johnny Depp
By Marco Flores
After years of experiencing his career declining, actor Johnny Depp, best known for his role as Captain Jack Sparrow in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, is looking to make a comeback – this time in the director’s chair. Depp is working on his first major project directing a biopic titled Modi. The film follows the life of Italian artist and sculptor Amedeo Modigliani, known to his friends as “Modi.” Depp looks to express his artistic and creative side through independent filmmaking and produce a film that intends to share a unique and compelling story with the world. With everything he has endured, Depp deserves to get his life and career back on track, and his experience with directing Modi could be the comeback story for him.
Following his recent legal victory in the highly publicized 2022 Depp v. Heard defamation trial, Depp has decided to take a break from Hollywood to focus on reviving his career in the independent film industry. In 2023, Depp starred in the historical drama film Jeanne du Barry, portraying French King Louis XV. The movie followed a poor French woman—the eponymous Madame Jeane du Barry— who rose through the ranks of society to eventually become the mistress of Louis XV. Although the film received mixed reviews from critics, Depp’s performance was praised. During the 2023 Cannes Film Festival where the movie premiered, Depp received a seven-minute standing ovation from the crowd. It was heartwarming seeing Depp trying to hold back his tears while the crowd was applauding his performance in the film. In May 2023, Depp performed at the Jeff Beck tribute concert held at the Royal Albert Hall in London. On September 7th, Depp appeared in a new commercial called “The Call Of The Blazing Sun of Sauvage Eau de Toilette” for the Dior fragrance Sauvage. To me, the commercial was full of class. It’s really nice to see a company like Dior remain loy-
al to their clients, and by continuing its partnership with Depp, it’s clear that the company stands behind him.
In August 2022, Depp announced that he would direct a biopic film about Amadeo Modigliani, a controversial Italian painter and sculptor who was known for producing portraits and nudes in a modern style characterized by a surreal lengthening of faces, necks, and figures. This artistic style wasn’t popular during Modi’s lifetime. Modi is based on a play titled Modigliani by Dennis McIntyre, which was previously adapted for the 2004 critically panned film of the same name, from a screenplay by Jerzy and Mary Kromolowski. According to a press release, the film focuses on two chaotic days in Modi’s life, who is living in Paris and is on the run from the police. Despite objections from his fellow Bohemians, Modi wants to end his career and leave Paris. The chaos reaches a crescendo when Modi meets a collector who could change his life. This is the first movie Depp will be directing since the 1997 film The Brave, where he starred alongside Marlon Brando.
Italian actor Riccardo Scamario, best known for films such as John Wick: Chapter 2, will portray the titular character. Legendary actor Al Pacino will serve as a producer and have a supporting role in the film as art collector Maurice Gangnat. This marks the third time Depp and Pacino will be working together, the first being the 1997 crime drama Donnie Brasco and the second being the 2011 comedy film Jack and Jill. Interestingly, Pacino had previously pitched the idea for a biopic about Modigliani in the past and considered directing it and having Depp star as Modigliani. Principal photography officially began in September 2023 with the film mainly shot in Budapest, Hungary. Filming wrapped up in Budapest on November 4th, 2023.
In an official statement, Depp expressed his admiration for Modigliani and how honored he was for getting
the chance to direct a biopic about him. He described the project as an “incredibly fulfilling and transformative experience” and in that same statement, Depp shared his love and appreciation for the production crew by saying “I would like to express my profound gratitude to the entire cast, crew, and producers for their unwavering commitment and creativity.” When talking about Pacino, Depp thanked him for getting the chance to work with him by saying in his official statement “To Al, who requested that I make this film—how could I refuse Pacino? A sincere acknowledgment for generously contributing his talent and dedication to this project.” Seeing Depp and Pacino’s love and respect for each other’s talents show how deep of bond they’ve had for so many years. Depp views Modi as an opportunity to tell a compelling and unique story that connects to audiences through the spirit of independent filmmaking. Why am I telling you all this? Johnny Depp deserves to make a comeback after years of enduring legal battles involving his ex-wife and the decline of his acting career. Depp has always been one of my favorite actors and I’m really happy to see him making movies again. While he’s highly unlikely to return to the Pirates franchise or reprise his role as Grindelwald in the Fantastic Beasts series (the future of which remains uncertain), Depp’s involvement in the independent filmmaking industry gives him the freedom to express his creative and artistic side, one which we haven’t seen since before the Amber Heard divorce. Al Pacino himself expressed his gratitude for working with Depp again and getting the opportunity to tell Modi’s story on the big screen. Depp doesn’t need Disney or Hollywood to showcase his talents, he’s already talented enough to make it big in the independent movie industry. Will Modi be the great comeback story for Johnny Depp like how The Whale was for Brendan Fraser? Let’s wait to find out.
How Not to Win
By Comson Cao
Famed economist and political commentator Thomas Sowell once said “When you want to help people, you tell them the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear”. It is incredibly difficult to stick to the pursuit of truth no matter what, but it’s even harder to speak out on it when it’s against your own team. At least, that would be the case if I were actually on said team. Fortunately for me, however, I do not consider myself to be a ‘conservative.’ Yet I maintain that if conservatives actually care about winning, they need to seriously reassess their strategy. So whether you’re a liberal who likes to read conservative-bashing or a conservative who actually wants to win, then please continue reading.
First off, American conservatives are often just dumber than American liberals. Using educational attainment as a proxy for intelligence, it’s obvious that Democrats are winning over the more intelligent. A 2016 report from Pew Research Center found that the higher the education level, the greater the percentage of respondents who identified themselves as Democrats, and among those who are either are or lean Democrat, higher education levels predict having more liberal views. A 2020 report from Pew Research Center reveals that in 2018/2019 (the years were combined due to small sample size), 57% of college graduates either identify as or lean Democrat while only 37% identified as or lean Republican. Additionally, according to a 2022 poll from the Survey Center on American Life, the educational attainment rate among Democrats has been rising since 1999 whereas it has been stagnant for Republicans since then, and in 2021, 48% of Democrats aged 25+ have a college degree compared to just 30% of Republicans. The result is that college faculty members register Democrat by an overwhelming margin, especially in
Anthropology and Communications departments, according to a landmark figure from Mitchell Langbert.
Number of Democratic Faculty Members for Every Republican in 25 Academic Fields
Likewise, an old 2004 report from Pew Research Center found that nearly five times as many national journalists identify as liberals than they do as conservatives. Not only has there not been any evidence of a conservative shift in academia and journalism since then, but there’s actually more evidence to the contrary, as a 2016 study by Langbert et al. found that the ratio of Democrats to Republicans becomes larger the younger the professor is, with the ratio being 10:1 among professors older than age 65, and increasing all the way to 22.7:1 among professors younger than age 36.
Conservatives are well-aware of these political skews, so they’ve grown to distrust all of these institutions. They particularly distrust the education system, with only 33% of those who identify as or lean Repub-
lican saying that universities have a positive effect on the way things are going in the country, whereas 59% said universities have a negative effect, according to a 2019 report by Pew Research Center. The same report also finds that just 48% of those who identify as or lean Republican have a great deal or fair amount of confidence in college and university professors to act in the best interest of the public, compared to 84% of those who identify as or lean Democrat. Regarding mass-media, in 2022, 70% of Democrats reported trust in it compared to just 14% of Republicans, according to a poll from Gallup. The conservative response to this left-wing stranglehold has been to whine about university indoctrination. These claims run counter to the findings of available research that we actually have though. Consider the evidence from the book The Still Divided Academy: How Competing Visions of Power, Politics, and Diversity Complicate the Mission of Higher Education by Rothman et al., where we can see that the political ideology of students remains fairly consistent throughout college, with only minor changes in views. Consistent with this, a 2020 study conducted by the Washington Post found that while conservatives are indeed more likely to feel pressured to align their views with their professors than liberals, when it comes to actually switching ideologies, that is a rare occurrence. Similarly, a 2020 study by Woessner and Kelly-Woessner found that most of the ideological drift in college students was just a result of regression toward the mean (moving towards the center from either extreme ends). Even in fields which showed a leftward shift, such fields are unquestionably dominated by the left such as arts, humanities, and social sciences, and the researchers found that this seemed to best be explained by the effects of peers. The idea that universities
are turning everyone left-wing is thinly substantiated. Even if it were true, conservatives refuse to answer how the left gained control over such an important institution in the first place. Tellingly, rather than seek to retake control of the universities since they often claim that it had been ‘subverted’ by the left, the conservative answer to all of this is “retreat,” to abandon academia and let the left run it freely. “Just don’t go to college” or “just go to trade school instead” are common conservative talking points. Conservatives laugh at liberals taking sociology class or gender studies, mockingly saying “they’re going to end up with a useless degree and work at McDonald’s,” despite top diversity executives earning a median salary of over $240,000. Given that more and more jobs require college degrees, conservatives are the ones who are probably more likely to work a minimum wage job than liberals. While conservatives are busy sharing their 218th compilation of “crazy woke SJW snowflake gets OWNED with facts and logic,” the left is consolidating and making meaningful policy and cultural changes to the country that seem to be permanent.
Let’s not also forget that American conservatism is living on borrowed time. The GOP is dependent on support from older white voters in elections, but that’s a demographic that’s going the way of the dinosaurs. A 2022 survey by Statista found Millennials and Generation Z overwhelmingly more likely to identify as Democrats than Republicans (52% vs. 21% for Millennials and 52% vs. 17% for Generation Z). A 2021 report from Marketing Charts found that the racial composition by generation is rapidly changing, and whereas 79% of Americans aged 75+ are non-Hispanic white, for Millennials, it is 49%, and for Generation Z, it is 44.9%. In response to this, some conservatives have begun to support more immigration in ostensible hopes of benefiting the economy and capitalizing on the socially conservative attitudes of Hispanics. This ignores the fact that being conservative does not translate into a vote for the GOP, and this is clearly the case with non-white voters. Let’s take
African Americans as an example, a group which had switched over to voting Democrat since 1936 and has voted for them by a supermajority since 1964 (three-quarters minimum). Yet as Tasha S. Philpot points out in her book Conservative but Not Republican: The Paradox of Party Identification and Ideology among African Americans, African Americans do indeed hold attitudes on many issues that can be regarded as socially conservative, and this black conservatism dates all the way back to emancipation. She also demonstrates that black conservatives have repeatedly voted Democrat by an overwhelming supermajority. Similar findings were reported in Steadfast Democrats: How Social Forces Shape Black Political Behavior by White and Laird. Across all eleven of their measures of conservatism, Democrat identification among African Americans almost never falls below 70%:
Some conservatives have instead proposed winning over Hispanics, a rapidly growing demographic group, but even then they fail to come up with successful appeals. Some argue that the GOP should relax its stance on immigration, but there is no evidence that this is going to convince any Hispanic voters. A 2013 report from the Center for Immigration Studies found that the percentage of Hispanics who support extremely anti-immigration politicians is roughly the same as Hispanics who support extremely pro-immigration politicians — 27.2% vs. 25.7%, respectively. Some speak of a red shift among Hispanics due to the fact that beginning in mid-2021, support for Biden and the Democrats was declining among Hispanics. But the real change, as pointed out in a 2022 analysis from Gallup, was that Hispanics who used to identify as Democrat switched to independent. This is further supported by a 2023 poll from Public Religion Research Institute. As it turns out, even though Hispanics tend to identify as independent more often than others, when the time comes to vote, they’ll vote Democrat, at least according to exit polls. There was no unusually high support for Republicans in 2022, and while it’s true that exit polls do show some dip
in support for Democrats, starting in 2020, Democrats were much more likely to vote by mail than Republicans. Since exit polls are conducted by surveying voters as they leave polling places on Election Day itself, it fails to capture votes from those using alternative methods—ones which most likely favor Democrats. In the 2023 UnidosUS “National Survey of Latino Voters,” when asked which party they felt they’ve become more open to supporting, 32% of Latinos responded with ‘Democrats,’ whereas only 23% responded with ‘Republicans,’ so whether or not Republicans are actually starting to win over Hispanics is questionable. Furthermore, when asked who they’d vote for if the 2024 presidential election was today, 51% of Latinos chose Biden whereas only 33% chose Trump, and if it was Biden vs. DeSantis, then it was 53% vs. 25%, respectively. Even various minority subgroups that do currently vote Republican are not safe votes for Republicans, because the same groups flip to Democrat in the second generation. This phenomenon has been observed with Cuban-Americans for instance, as a 2014 report from Pew Research Center found that 56% of Cubans aged 18-49 identify as or lean Democrat compared to 39% of Cubans aged 50 and above.
By these metrics, conservatives seem set up for defeat. They seem content with just complaining about all the problems they have, but never do they move on to step two of actually trying to come up with workable solutions. Whether or not you like the left, there is absolutely no denying that they’ve been scoring wins after wins for decades now. In a way, the left is brilliant for fear-mongering about how Republicans are supposedly on a journey to roll back rights and civil liberties, the tactic of legitimizing one’s own rule by propping up a weak and pathetic opposition that doesn’t actually pose any real threat is absolutely genius. If conservatives want to actually win, they need to start changing their approach towards the ongoing political struggle, or else they risk completely losing the country and being remembered on the wrong side of history.
“On the Political Warpath”: The Iowa Republican Caucus
The future of the United States is likely a subject which hangs over the minds of many college students. Armchair theorists and media pundits are rallying to announce that the “end of American democracy” is nigh, and such a prediction is bound to stir up feelings of hostility between voters of both parties. The outcomes of Donald Trump’s many court cases will pose uncertainties for the powers and limitations on the Executive Branch in ways that haven’t been relevant since the end of the Nixon administration.
In this article, I will report my observations from the Republican primary caucus in Iowa as I experienced it, and then connect those observations with my own feelings about the 2024 presidential election. I give my deepest thanks to the Leadership Institute for sponsoring yet another trip of mine, this time to Des Moines, as well as Run GenZ, a political training program designed to instruct young conservatives on how to run for public office. Run GenZ was the organization which kindly invited me out to Iowa in the first place, free of charge. (For those seeking deeper engagement on the political scene, I highly recommend getting in touch with Aly Lepinski, the manager of the Leadership Institute’s internship program for Spring or Summer, which takes place in Washington, D.C. It’s the best, I tell you. The best internship.)
Flying out from the Wilkes-Barre Airport in Pennsylvania, I was readily fatigued by several long delays in my departure due to rough weather conditions. American Airlines was kind enough to offer me a brief stay in the Sheraton Charlotte Airport Hotel as I waited for another connecting flight, and I had an interesting (albeit expensive) dinner with an older gentleman whose flight was delayed alongside mine. We chatted for over an hour about his military career and I wished him well as I got ready to board a plane to Dallas, followed by another to Des Moines.
By the time I arrived at my destination on January 5th, I had missed the first three or four hours of the Run GenZ annual conference. I slept in my room for another hour or so, too exhausted to give my full attention to the long list of invited speakers. In short, the first half of the day was very uneventful for me. The second half was where things got interesting. After a decent complimentary lunch, the attendees were greeted by the first of multiple high-level politicians. New Hampshire Governor Chris Sununu gave an excellent speech about how he pursued his conservative agenda despite gridlock in the NH state legislature. He also briefly touched on his reasons for endorsing Nikki Haley’s presidential campaign, citing their close friendship and her impressive service record at the United Nations.
Afterwards, I managed to get a photo with him and held a short but meaningful conversation. I was very direct with Governor Sununu, informing him that I was jealous of how well his state is run compared to New York. Needless to say, he was very flattered. We then chatted about the Free State Project, where he acknowledged that the arrival of libertarians into New Hamp-
By Logan Blakeslee
shire has provided a boon to good-quality state legislators. Bidding farewell to one another, Sununu and I parted ways at the Embassy Suites hotel, which was the location of the conference. Dinner was next on the agenda. The attendees gathered together in vans or taxis and we were delivered to the Des Moines Embassy Club, a fancy building complex with a luxury dining area on the top floor. The view was incredible; the lights of the city were dazzling and I could see the strange-looking domes of the state capitol building in the distance. As a teetotaler, I abstained from the alcohol being served from the art deco bar and took my seat with a glass of water.
Around me I could see signs and t-shirts from the Nikki Haley campaign and in the background was a sizable news crew. This naturally made me very curious as to what was actually going on. I did not have to wait for long, as Chris Sununu returned and was accompanied by Nikki Haley herself. Gov. Sununu explained why he had endorsed Ambassador Haley and she, in turn, spoke about what it was like to run for president while also being a mother. It was a heartfelt speech and I believe that she is running for the right reasons.
A line quickly formed for photographs and I managed to get a spot in the middle of it. When it was my turn for a picture, I shook Ambassador Haley’s hand and said that I was supporting her bid for the presidency. She smiled warmly and replied, “We’ll win this together.” Once the dinner was finally over, I walked back to the hotel in frigid temperatures alongside two other attendees. Our phone batteries had died and we were unable to call a cab, but the stroll was pleasant enough.
Narrator: “They would not win this together.”
Former ambassador Nikki Hayley (left) and Logan Blakeslee (right) at an Iowa dinner on January 5, 2024. Photograph provided by Logan Blakeslee.
The next day, after a generous serving of breakfast, I endured a gauntlet of political consultants with great expertise in
fundraising, advertising, and networking. All of the attendees were given worksheets to fill out as the speakers gave us important information about campaign management. Right as I was beginning to doze off, someone unexpected came our way. The conference room was closed off as Chris LaCivita, co-chairman of Donald Trump’s reelection campaign, made his entrance.
His speech jumped from topic to topic faster than I could recount, but I remember some mention of Israel, Ukraine, Russia, ISIS, climate change, tax cuts, etc. Trump then went on a bizarre tangent about how wind turbines result in whales going “crazy” and not reproducing.
Mr. LaCivita, formerly the manager for Rand Paul’s unsuccessful bid for president, felt very confident about Trump’s ability to win the primary and eventually defeat President Joe Biden. He derided Ron DeSantis’ super PAC as “Always Back Down” and felt assured that the Supreme Court would overturn several states’ decision to block Trump from the ballot. From the audience, I asked him for his opinion of Project 2025 (an organizational plan for the next Republican president to overhaul the federal bureaucracy). He answered plainly that the media was afraid of it because it’s an actual plan, something that Republicans have lacked for quite some time.
The
president
Finally, he was asked to identify the most important trait in a political candidate. He answered with two: kindness and conviction. The ideal candidate must truly believe in something in order to run for office. With that statement, I saw a number of armed security personnel enter the room and Mr. LaCivita stepped aside to introduce none other than Donald Trump himself. The attendees erupted in applause and we all stood up to snatch a few pictures. We were all awestruck to see a former president directly in front of us.
For the record, this was my second time seeing President Trump in person. The first time was when I sat back in the crowd at CPAC 2020, although this time around I was much closer and much more surprised. No one had been informed that Trump was going to visit the hotel until a few minutes before he showed up. The former president complimented us all for being “very beautiful” and he proceeded to make a number of
jokes about Joe Biden’s competence. His speech jumped from topic to topic faster than I could recount, but I remember some mention of Israel, Ukraine, Russia, ISIS, climate change, tax cuts, etc. Trump then went on a bizarre tangent about how wind turbines result in whales going “crazy” and not reproducing. He also insisted that he would only become a dictator on “day one” and never again afterwards. Make of that what you will.
Unfortunately, there wasn’t time for Q&A and there was no chance that the Secret Service would let us get close enough for pictures. To our greater surprise, however, Trump grabbed a marker to plant his autograph on the hat of one of the attendees, the only one of us to bring the iconic red MAGA hat. The former president then departed through the back door, allowing for another long sequence of political consultants to fill out the rest of the conference’s schedule.
Younger voters, even conservative ones, are opposed to Trump by significant margins and they would probably be better served by the likes of Ron DeSantis or Nikki Haley in the White House.
I flew back to Wilkes-Barre the morning after and dedicated a lot of thought to the state of American politics. Iowa, as we all know, is just the opening salvo of the Republican primary season. Attack ads and polling forecasts are going to dominate the news cycle for months. Even though I personally favor Nikki Haley in this race, her subsequent losses in Iowa and New Hampshire strongly indicate that Donald Trump will be the nominee for a third time. After that, we can expect to see a rematch with Joe Biden. The ultimate winner of this contest is still anyone’s guess. It is no secret that most Americans still do not want to see a repeat of the 2020 election. The sad reality is that party primaries give advantages to incumbents, and neither the Democrats nor the GOP can afford to give support to a candidate who will not excite the voter base. Trump and Biden, if nothing else, are experts in raising voter turnout. While I find Trump to be charismatic, the likelihood that he will be convicted for crimes committed on January 6th prevents me from earnestly backing his reelection campaign.
The Republican Party is in dire straits if it continues to ignore the logistical problems that come with backing a potential felon for president. Younger voters, even conservative ones, are opposed to Trump by significant margins and they would probably be better served by the likes of Ron DeSantis or Nikki Haley in the White House. The MAGA agenda has great potential for the country but it needs a spokesman who can reach as many people as possible. 2024 is Trump’s last chance to recreate the Republican Party in his image.
Should he fail, conservatives will need to do a lot of soul-searching and pray that the nation will endure another four years of Joe Biden.
former
speaks at an Iowa rally on January 6, 2024. Photograph provided by Logan Blakeslee.
The Ten Worst Things I’ve Ever
Eaten
If you’re an avid reader of Binghamton Review (as you should be), then you might remember an article I wrote in November called “How to Celebrate Thanksgiving in Today’s Economy.” In that article, I suggested that if you can’t afford to glaze your Thanksgiving turkey in cranberry sauce, then ketchup will do the job just fine. Or if Brie cheese is too expensive, you can just dip your crackers in mayonnaise or Cool Whip instead. As repulsive as these combinations might sound, there are dishes out there that people seriously make which are worse than any of the cost-cutting tips and tricks I gave out. After reading this list, you might think that my choices are “strange” or “vindictive” or that “you need to go to therapy, bro,” but I assure you that everything I’ve written here is completely based on facts, reasoning, and common sense. Without further ado, here are the ten worst “foods” I’ve ever had the misfortune of putting inside my mouth.
10. Popeyes “Ghost Pepper” Wings
One day, I heard that Popeyes had some new chicken wing flavors available, so I went to go try them. I got the “sweet and spicy” flavor as well as the aforementioned “ghost pepper” flavor. Popeyes has been pretty reliable in my experience, so I was excited. The sweet and spicy wings were good, so I bit into the first “ghost pepper” wing fully expecting to be scorched by its extreme heat. And what did it taste like? Nothing! Those motherfuckers must’ve given me plain wings! I mean, you could take the whitest guy ever (I’m talking 100% pure Anglo-Saxon descent), ask him to make the blandest meal he can think of, and it would still be less spicy than those “ghost pepper” wings I got. They were still crispy and well-cooked though, which is why they’re the lowest on this list.
9. Cereal With Milk
Cereal with milk is actually pretty good – for the first minute that you’re eating it. Then it becomes a mushy, soggy mess that you have to try extra hard not to gag on. Adding milk into your cereal turns your breakfast into a speedrun. I guess this is good if you’re running late, but it’s objectively unenjoyable. It’s better to drink the milk on the side instead.
8. McDonald’s Fruit ‘n Yogurt Parfait
Once upon a time, I was feeling a little bit adventurous at the drive-thru and decided to try something new. Big mistake. At the window, the worker said that it wasn’t ready yet and that I needed to park and wait for them to bring it to me. 30 minutes later, I finally received my parfait and it’s still frozen on the inside! This is one of the rare times where they should have lied that it was out of stock. Also, the cup said “made with real fruit” on it. I don’t like the implications of that. This item deserved to be discontinued. Even the new “adult happy meals” they have now are more sensical than keeping the parfait on the menu would have been.
By Angelo DiTocco
7. Margherita Pizza
You know it’s gonna be bad when they have to use foreign words to make themselves seem like better chefs. No, that’s not a “fromage” or a “queso” you used, it’s just cheese. Anyway, I may be spoiled from living in the magnificent state of New York, but I expect a pizza place to have a decent amount of things: garlic bread, calamari, chicken parm, that kind of stuff. But this one pizza place in Delaware had different ideas. We were all surprised to find out that it served pizza and pizza only. Facing no better option, we got the Margherita pizza. The pie we received was tiny, both in surface area and in thickness. It was oval-shaped, ensuring that the slices were not equally sized. Each bite was either all cheese or all sauce. They thought putting whole leaves on it would make it look better, but I easily saw through that illusion. If this is what pizza is like in Italy, then I’m almost ashamed to be Italian.
6. Perdue Chicken
Patties
Yes, multiple of them. Back in the day, I would get these things and make chicken sandwiches with them. All was good and well until one day, I noticed that the patty I was dealing with was significantly thicker than usual. After heating it up and taking a bite, I found that it was unusually “juicy”, and it tasted off, like it was spoiled or something. Then I tried another one in the package just to find that it was just as thick, juicy, and weird-tasting as the first one. I figured it was probably just a bad batch, so I got it again from the store and gave it a second chance. Nope. Same problem. And so I never ate them again.
5. Simple Servings Chicken
If they ever filmed an episode of Kitchen Nightmares in the C4 Dining Hall, the first thing Gordon Ramsay would go after is the Simple Servings chicken. This sad excuse for a grilled chicken breast almost makes me wanna go vegetarian. For each bite of this thing, you need 10 gallons of water to wash it down. I would say it has no seasoning, but the only way I can explain its
complete absence of taste is that they put some kind of “negative seasoning” on it that takes away the flavor. It’s no wonder 40% of Americans suffer from obesity when this is the poster child of healthy eating.
4. Jimmy Dean’s Sausage, Egg & Cheese Biscuit
Right off the bat, the store didn’t have the B.E.C.s, which is a red flag. Ignoring that, you have to go through the unpleasant experience of taking it out of the freezer (when you’re already freezing to death because you live in the magnificent state of New York). Then you have to put it in the microwave for a few minutes, after which it will give anyone who touches it fourth-degree burns. You’ll have to wait an additional 10 minutes to finally eat the sandwich and realize immediately that it is not worth the effort. The biscuit is scorching hot on the outside and cold in the middle, the cheese is made of plastic, and the sausage itself is fatty. You’re better off just skipping breakfast and getting 15 extra minutes of sleep.
For all five of you who come here from the Putnam County area, I warn you: Do not get anything from Carmel Bagels.
3. The Plastic Tubes of Slush
Elementary school teachers have a reputation for throwing pizza parties where the pie is sliced into an extremely large power of two and each student gets only one slice. But perhaps due to trauma, people seem to forget about a far more sinister form of deception. Sometimes, when we would go outside for recess on a hot day, the teachers would hype us up with promises of “ice pops” or “slushies”. So we’d come to the table expecting to get a real treat, only to be met with these disappointments. Ripping open the tiny plastic tube would get our hands sticky, and the colored sludge inside would melt in mere seconds, reducing our “dessert” to 1.5 ounces of artificially flavored fruit juice. How could these teachers preach “anti-bullying” when they are simultaneously crushing these young children’s dreams?
Child abuse aside, you can tell these things suck because none of the many names people give them are descriptive or accurate. What’s that? You say they’re called “freezer pops”? Every popsicle goes in the freezer, you moron! Can you be any more vague? If people were just honest and called them “slush tubes”, no one would eat them because their mediocrity would be on full display.
2. The B.E.C. From This One Bagel Place
I took driver’s ed at 9 in the morning, so during our lesson, we would usually stop by one of the local bagel shops to get breakfast. But it turns out that even getting a simple breakfast sandwich can be catastrophic. I ordered a B.E.C. on a plain bagel, and when they asked if I wanted salt, pepper, or ketchup, I just said to put a little extra salt on it. Everyone else got their order reasonably quickly, but 15 minutes later, mine was still nowhere to be seen. Because they forgot it! I had to remind them that, hello, I ordered something too, and another 15 minutes later, I finally got it. Our driver’s ed instructor was understandably mad at the hold-up, but when we got back on the road and I opened the wrapper, what I saw next can only be described as a legendary fail Whatever challenged individual was making my order put the salt ON TOP OF THE BAGEL like it was a damn pretzel! How in the Lord’s name do you see an order that goes “B.E.C. with salt” and not put the salt INSIDE THE SANDWICH, LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING!?
To this day, this particular establishment remains the only one to have successfully carried out the two-hit combo of forgetting my order and then fucking it up big-time. For all five of you who come here from the Putnam County area, I warn you: Do not get anything from Carmel Bagels
1. Cauliflower
Nikola Tesla once said, “you may live to see man-made horrors beyond your comprehension”. While he was a very smart man, he made a mistake here by using the future tense, because I have been seeing this horror for my whole life. Cauliflower is the pug of agriculture in the sense that it should have never been selectively bred in the first place. It’s a disgrace to all vegetables, and yet it seems to slip under the radar, with its actually-enjoyable cousin, broccoli, getting all the hate instead. Broccoli can be pretty good if you make it in the right way, but no combination of sauces or seasonings is saving its whitewashed counterpart from being an abomination. I would gladly trade places with Sisyphus if the alternative was to eat a single piece of this filth. The worst part is that people put hot sauce on it and disguise it as chicken wings. I’ve never fallen for this vile trickery before, but if I do, can guarantee that there will be no survivors.
The Addiction to Stimulants: Or, My Shot Attention Span
To say that I was not an iPad kid growing up would be a lie. The first time I was ever handed an electronic device was my parents’ iPhone 4. My brother and I pestered our parents to buy “Minecraft Pocket Edition” because our old Dell computer couldn’t handle the processing strain. My brother and I would always fight over our mother’s phone (we didn’t bother our father; he hated the idea of giving us electronic devices), trying to rob it every chance we could get. When successful, we would bust down the bathroom door to play Minecraft. I don’t know if that is on par with the Gen-alpha brain-rot in Skibidi Toilet, but it has to be close. I got my first phone and iPad in middle school. By then the only social media I had made was Facebook, YouTube, and some weird Minecraft Instagram rip-off. The most technological brain-rot that I had received during middle school was probably the age of MLG montages.
PLUS ÇA CHANGE?
I would not get into Instagram and Snapchat until high school—back when I still had an attention span and could still focus in class. (Right now, I write this while sitting in the back of my Electromagnetic theory class.) On the whole, high school was more interesting for me: I was doing better than I was in middle school, at least until COVID (a.k.a. CHINA VIRUS) came and kicked my ass. The first couple weeks in quarantine were amazing: laying back, watching YouTube while the Department of Education scrambled to get their classes online. The freedom was nice until I realized I wasn’t free and I was stuck in a cramped studio apartment with my family who make a bigger mess because they don’t touch the grass.
Once I made it to college I found myself relieved; I had started the road to what my parents would call me in 4 years, still a failure a college graduate. My mom cried when I last hugged her, but I didn’t really cry.
By Midas Leung
This is where my attention span decreased exponentially and my social skills were shot. Shortly after high school, I was admitted to college late and had to wait until spring to get into this college because I didn’t want to check my email blah blah blah...
With all my friends in college and nothing to do while stuck at home, I found myself completely absorbed in online brain-rot. Day by day, I could feel myself losing strength—feeling weaker and more lethargic. Some days I found myself stuck in bed only moving a few times for food and the bathroom. I didn’t get what the middle school’s “role models” meant by “rock bottom” until I experienced it. One day I thought to myself “What the absolute fuck am I doing?! I am the son of two immigrant parents who have sacrificed almost everything for me.”
I knew then that I had to crawl back from rock bottom. I first attempted to get my energy back by forcing myself to get out of bed and go on runs. They started short but gradually increased. Thereafter, I started searching for jobs which I found through family and friends. I found two: one in a sweatshop and the other as a dishwasher. You can find my full reflection in a previous article, but in short: both gave me something to do during the day and night and gave me opportunities to explore what I wanted my life to be.
Once I made it to college I found myself relieved; I had started the road to what my parents would call me in 4 years, still a failure a college graduate. My mom cried when I last hugged her, but I didn’t really cry. After the years of COVID, I really like the life away from them. The freedom was blissful for a few days… Then I found myself again with no friends and now nothing to do. I again fell into the abyss of the internet—the worst one for me was my addiction to YouTube shorts, the internet equivalent to stimulants. You might be wondering why I never downloaded TikTok it’s because I….AIN’T….GIVING….SHIT….TO…CHINA.
Once I made some friends I found life to be back on track again but now that I could more easily indulge in my freedom to social media I grew deeper into it and now I check up daily with my friends. Again I am in the spiral of shortening attention span and loss of energy. My decline is very apparent just look at my calculus grades.
All I can say is that I am not stuck in the spiral. I chose to stay in it because I can leave anytime, right?
An Inquiry into the Vicissitudes of the Starry Corporation’s Takeover and its Phenomenological Implications
Imagine my shock—my Halloween horror—my delightful fright (defright!)—my unutterable outrage—as on my first day of campus, desiring a chilled beverage capable of quenching my sandblasted throat’s rapacious thirst, I make posthaste entry into the air-conditioned environ of Bartle Library, and descend its asymmetrical staircase to a place of my heart, an old stomping ground, my oasis—the vending machine wall, just to find a discommoding visage: on the machines’ facades, a most terrifying sight—where once stood metaphorical obelisks of the titan of soft-drink vendibles, regaled in rubicund base and frost-white font, now stand edifices of nefarious diabolism, so heinous in their extantness that Satan himself is considering furbishing his demancave (demon-mancave) in Royal Blue (specifically #004B93 in hexadecimal) flames; for remember, son, the flame n’ary burns the worst when red.
This disquieting discovery was enough to contract my pupils with ancient aporia as a tiger does when seeing man-withspear, and incapacitated me thereunto the nearby modular couch. It comes to my memory that when touring this university and its facilities a president’s term prior, I took pleasurable delight in seeing that our august administration had avoided the pitfall in which I had witnessed in too many other establishments of their ilk cacade: a worship to a false idol in that same oblong-tripartite logo. Now this is not to say I make my decisions on gastronomy contingent entirely upon an eatery’s allegiance of elixirs—it is not beyond my otherwise feeble capacity to otherwise enjoy the occasional Pepsi-Cola. Yet when the site whither I make my morning commute scents deficiency in the confectious libation of my choice, then yeah, I am a little peeved. A mite miffed. A smidgeon scalded. A catnip cantankerous.
The implications of a missing Coca-Cola Company on campus are worse than they may appear, as Monster Energy, the delectable lifeline of many college undergraduates and graduate students alike, also found itself without a home to call its own. We’ll have to bide our energy needs with the false nutrition of “Rockstar” Energy, may it live in dung and micturition.
But let me air my grievances further—for many to air there are. I have commuted hither and hence since the prior semester, and let me tell you that above the proverbial ass-blasting that the hefty hole in my wallet and the early-morning headaches the parking permit and its consequences gave me; nothing is less pernicious than the sheer sounding I received
By Lambreau Demasi III, Esq.
resultant of my corneas’ deception in attempting to turn into Hinman’s Lot L, just to see that the former egress had been astroturfed by a new green. Much like the primitive Photoshop provided to Stalin’s pillow fluffers when he presumed their antiquation, where stood progress—the great asphalt drive— was now replaced with but a live grass fault.
Yea, must we drive around in revolutions to find any sort of commuter parking, usually to no avail. Thus, I give up—hang up my towel, and make my way to Lot M, to the least-convenient of the parking lots. To me, this is unforgivable and shrieks that there is something very very wrong here. Lot L’s live grass fault, as I so eloquently dubbed it, was commissioned in order to provide another row of handicap parking spots along the perineum of Hinman. Yet, while I suffer to find a spot located strategically close to my 18th Century Clown Studies class in the Fine Arts building, these phantom invalids never once occupy their designated spaces. Methinks there’s a grander conspiracy going on here.
Hark! For if this were the breadth of my disquietude I would be one chafe caviler, but heretofore I was but a callow moppet and must amend my scaphing sleighride to an irascible automobile adventure; for, say, if perchance, periodically, I find myself dilatory to portend the premises as insufficient-in-capacity, I am certain to espy the place-de-parque-habituel as impenetrable, but one alternative breaches mine palace-de-esprit that I fail to foil: I mean to convey that far-flung badland abutting that dastardly, loathsome gymnasium-and-vincinal-hippodromulette-configuration, whose perambulation to the proper catechist edifices is protracted, incontrovertibly so! For shame, you deleterious desk-jockeys in administration! For shame! Peradventure you might apply for this institution, believe you me, I prescribe you to rescind that thought, lest you fancy yourself a masochist of the highest order!
The Case for a “Philosophy of Science” Course at Binghamton
By Arthur O’Sullivan
With our multiple millions of dollars dedicated to research, Binghamton University is renowned for being an elite research institution. We employ Nobel Prize-winning professors, thousands of graduate students, and several expansive research facilities, all to advance the scientific enterprise. These things are all praiseworthy. In fact, I contend that scientific research is my favorite aspect of Binghamton University. (My experience as an undergraduate researcher made me apply for a Master’s here, after all.) This doesn’t mean, however, that there isn’t room for expansion.
The idea for this article was crystallized by an off-hand comment made in my “Mechanisms of Evolution” class (BIOL 351), taught by Professor Thomas Powell. In our first lecture, Dr. Powell mentioned that he’s been trying to establish a “Philosophy of Science” course for the past several years. His attempts have been rebuffed, however, due to an apparent lack of interest among the students. This was disappointing to me, since I had been looking for such a course for the past three years, and could never find one. To that end, I decided to pen this article. If nothing else, this will state unequivocally that there is at least one student who wants to see a “Philosophy of Science” course. While I hardly think that this alone will manifest a quality class on Bacon, Kuhn, Quine, etc., I hope that this may start a “movement”—however small and obscure—that may be noticed by sympathetic Binghamton higher-ups.
“interdisciplinary” (expect to see this buzzword often) project. Being in both worlds has been quite the experience, and I believe more STEM and humanities majors would benefit from crossing paths this way. Thus, a “Philosophy of Science” course would be a perfect entrée into this interdisciplinary world.
Why We Would Benefit from a Philosophy of Science Course
“Interdisciplinarity” has been a buzzword among academics for as long as I can remember. I’m far from the first to suggest that the relegation of academics into ultra-specialized silos of obscure knowledge is counterproductive. To that end, most universities maintain general education requirements for all undergraduates, regardless of school or major. It’s a good system in theory, but it’s invariably subverted by the rule of least resistance; a brief glance at r/BinghamtonUniversity search results for “easy gen ed” encapsulates this. While the “gen ed” system partially succeeds in exposing students to a “diverse” (another favorite buzzword of the academy) range of disciplines, it fails to capture the full potential of combining said disciplines and their students.
This isn’t all theoretical. The great event which has dominated the lives of every Binghamton student was the COVID-19 pandemic. The sudden onset of an unstudied disease, the sudden lionization of scientific authorities on one side—and their demonization on the other—sowed confusion in the American psyche.
My Experience with Philosophy and Science
In my four years and one-hundred-seventy-seven credits accumulated at Binghamton University, I have only ever taken one philosophy course—Dr. Anthony Preus’ “Metaphysics and Epistemology after Aristotle”—in completion of my Classics degree. The rest of my philosophical “education” came from the YouTube school of oversimplifying cartoons, right-wing Catholics, snarky atheists still stuck in 2007, and unemployed leftist PhDs making hours-long logorrhea on Hegel. Needless to say, the formal course at this university was refreshingly lucid, and I wish that I had taken a few more classes in that vein.
I learned a lot in that course and ended up writing no less than 54 pages of mumbling about Classical philosophy. We even touched on certain aspects of the philosophy of science (e.g. Epicurus, Lucretius, Sextus Empiricus, etc.), even if we didn’t exactly cover modern ideas about the subject.
My experience in science itself is a little more expansive. I’ve been a Biology major since sophomore year, and despite getting a D on my Intro to Cell Biology (BIOL 113) final exam, I still ended up becoming an undergrad researcher in a biofilms lab. My work in said lab combined both of my majors in an
“Trust the science” was a common credo among the former, but it still left open the question of what science is—what are its capabilities and limits, and how can we tell? Numerous think pieces, left and right contended with this question. Yet each side, whether liberal or conservative, scientist or layman, would just talk across one another. In other words, there was a torrent of thought produced on the subject, but very little synthesis of perspectives.
This is the core opportunity for a “Philosophy of Science” class. Binghamton students, both in STEM and the Humanities, can be combined together in a class that synthesizes both their disciplines and perspectives. The applicability to the real world is palpable, and students exiting the class will have an insight into the underpinnings of the natural world that few others have.
If this article was at all persuasive to you, please write an email to me at aosulli2@binghamton.edu. As a senior, I’ll be long gone before this class could ever become reality, but I sincerely believe that there is great potential in making this course a reality.
