EDITORIAL Dear Readers,
From the Editor
H
appy Halloween everyone! I hope you’re in the mood for some of the scariest shit you’ve ever read, because this issue of Binghamton Review is SCARY. I mean, have you seen the cover? Those Bunny Women are scary as hell! Those of you that frequent Downtown Binghamton know what I’m talking about. I have never been closer to shitting my pants than when I saw a mob of what must have been at least one hundred women dressed as bunnies making their way downtown, walking fast, faces pass, and I’m homebound. Sorry, I got distracted, that song is simply too good. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Bunny Women *shudders*. I, as well as many other members of Binghamton Review, have seen these mobs around Binghamton on multiple occasions. I’m starting to think we should refer to them as “Cotton Eye Joe” because I’m constantly wondering two things: where did they come from and where did they go? I assume you’ve picked up this issue because you want to be scared, so here are some of the articles that are guaranteed to chill your bones colder than those that I may or may not have in my freezer. You can’t prove anything. Anyway, “The Sixth Night at Freddy (a Parody)” by Scarthur Ole’Soul Ivan on page 10 is one of the scariest things I’ve ever read. I mean, an article that mentions Matthew Patrick and ejaculation on the same page? Boy oh boy, talk about horrifying. If that one didn’t already scare your pants off, there’s also “Joe Wrote a Creepypasta While Jon Was at The Gym” by Joe Badalamenti on page 6. It’s scary how good it is. Haha. LAUGH AT MY JOKES GOD DAMMIT! “The Monster Down Under” by Julius Apostata on page 4 discusses one of the scariest topics one can write about: Australia. Giant bugs, kangaroos, and shitty accents? Count me out! If you’re a little baby that’s too scared to read the aforementioned articles, might I recommend “Women in Horror: Weak, Incompetent, and Insane” by Madeline Perez on page 14. Actually, that one might still be too scary, it is about women after all. If you really want something mild, then you should probably check out “How to Have The Safest Halloween Possible” by me on page 9. I give you very real advice on how to be safe this Halloween, and in no way make any jokes, or goofs, or jests, or anything else of that sort. I swear >:).
Sincerely,
Matt Gagliano Binghamton Review is a non-partisan, student-run news magazine of conservative thought founded in 1987 at Binghamton University. A true liberal arts education expands a student’s horizons and opens one’s mind to a vast array of divergent perspectives. The mark of true maturity is being able to engage with these perspectives rationally while maintaining one’s own convictions. In that spirit, we seek to promote the free and open exchange of ideas and offer alternative viewpoints not normally found or accepted on our predominately liberal campus. We stand against tyranny in all of its forms, both on campus and beyond. We believe in the principles set forth in this country’s Declaration of Independence and seek to preserve the fundamental tenets of Western civilization. It is our duty to expose the warped ideology of political correctness and cultural authoritarianism that dominates this university. Finally, we understand that a moral order is a necessary component of any civilized society. We strive to inform, engage with, and perhaps even amuse our readers in carrying out this mission.
Views expressed by writers do not necessarily represent the views of the publication as a whole. editor@binghamtonreview.com
BINGHAMTON REVIEW
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