BINGHAMTON REVIEW P.O. BOX 6000 BINGHAMTON, NY EDITOR@BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM13902-6000 Founded 1987 • Volume XXXV, Issue II Contents TELL US WHAT YOU THINK! Direct feedback to editor@binghamtonreview.com 2 BINGHAMTON REVIEW Vol. XXXV, Issue II ‘AM I GAY’ QUIZ PAGE 5 3 Editorial by Madeline Perez by Our Staff 4 Advice Column by Our Staff 6 Monarchies: Outdated or Effective? by Dillon O’Toole 8 LEFTIST MEME ALERT 2: Return Of The Meme by Madeline Perez 10 Pure Evil by Arthur O’Sullivan 11 Your Professors Aren’t Supposed to Educate You by GundapeneniSiddharth 12 Submissive Indiana Jones: Could This Top Archeologist ‘Bottom?’ by Madeline Perez 13 TOP X SYSTEM OF A DOWN SONGS by nitrodude359 14 Did Someone “Birthmarks”?Say,AReflection on Gorbachev by Julius Aposta Editor-in-Chief Madeline Perez Copy Desk Chief Shayne O’Loughlin Business Manager Siddharth Gundapaneni Editor Emeritus Matt Gagliano Contributors nitrodude359 Special Thanks To: Intercollegiate Studies Institute Collegiate Network Binghamton Review was printed by Gary Marsden We Provide the Truth. He Provides the Staples Staff Writers JoeJuliusBadalamentiApostata Managing Editor Dillon O’Toole Social Media Shitposter Arthur O’Sullivan
BinghamtonSincerely,
Views expressed by writers do not necessarily represent the views of the publication as a whole.
Pepperonitruly.and green peppers, mushrooms, olives, chives. Welcome to WatchMojo.com and today we’re counting down “TOP X SYSTEM OF A DOWN SONGS” by nitrodude359. You can find it now on page 13 , somewhere between the sacred silence and sleep.
Review is a non-partisan, student-run news magazine of conservative thought founded in 1987 at Binghamton University. A true liberal arts education expands a student’s horizons and opens one’s mind to a vast array of divergent perspectives. The mark of true maturity is being able to engage with these perspectives rationally while maintaining one’s own convictions. In that spirit, we seek to promote the free and open exchange of ideas and offer alternative viewpoints not normally found or accepted on our predominately liberal campus. We stand against tyranny in all of its forms, both on campus and beyond. We believe in the principles set forth in this country’s Declaration of Independence and seek to preserve the fundamental tenets of Western civilization. It is our duty to expose the warped ideology of political correctness and cultural authoritarianism that dominates this university. Finally, we understand that a moral order is a necessary component of any civilized society. We strive to inform, engage with, and perhaps even amuse our readers in carrying out this mission.
From the Editor
editor@binghamtonreview.comEDITORIAL BINGHAMTON REVIEW 3
everyone! Binghamton Review is BACK with another high-quality and sultry edition for you and your insatiable cravings. Will you, Binghamton Student body, ever be satisfied?? We’re working as hard as we can, slaving away during dark Vestal nights, to serve articles through impressive, almost real-time schizo-publishing. And what thanks do we get? Missing racks. While Pipe-Dream’s wooden shelves remain erect and proud, some of our humble wire shelves have been subjected to some terrible, unknown fate. To them, I say, “Do not go gentle into that good night.”
Hey,
Speaking of rage, raging against the dying of the light, check out Arthur O’Sullivan’s article “Pure Evil,” on page 10, where he argues against Canada’s recent euthanasia policies. Can one put a value on a human life? It seems like Can ada’s healthcare system already has, and the figure is lower than you think.
Have you been eagerly awaiting the Leftist Meme Alert Sequel, as teased in the last issue? What am I saying, of course you have. Check out “LEFTIST MEME ALERT 2: Return of the meme,” on page 8, where I talk about far too many topics to reference here.
“You know what else is hot? Whips. Whips are hot,” says Shayne, our Copy Desk Chief. Caught in 4k. Speaking of whips, you should really check out “Submissive Indiana Jones: could this top archeologist ‘bottom?’” on page 12, writ ten by yours
“Mr. Gorbachev, tear down those pants!” quotes Julius Aposta in his article, “Did Someone Say, “Birthmarks”? A Re flection on Gorbachev,” on page 14. He didn’t really say that… Or did he? I guess you’ll have to read the article to know. It’s Gorbin’ time.
“Is our children learning?” Well, find out for yourself in Siddharth Gundapeneni’s “Your Professors Aren’t Supposed to Educate You” on page 11. Binghamton students, be warned. You might have an existential crisis about the true cost of yourWelp,education.that’s all for this issue. Smell you later!
Haven’t heard enough about the Queen’s death? (Not me, I’m fine. I mean the Queen of England.) Refer to Dillon O’Toole’s article “Monarchies: Outdated or Effective?” on page 6. He talks about why constitutional monarchies should remain in place since they’re actually a viable form of government. Hot take!
Dear Readers,
I can give you plenty of advice on how to keep a sub engaged. For instance, you can inform people that there’s a Binghamton Review reddit through our advice column. Also, you can talk to people in real life you pathetic mouth-breather. YTA.
tion of multiple hair donation charities. So would I donate my armpit hair to charity? Yes, if it could have a positive impact on someone’s life. But could I donate my armpit hair to chari ty? No. Even back in their prime, many hair donation charities, like women with impossibly high standards, only accepted do nations over 8 inches. I’ve never tried to grow out my armpit hair, but if I did, I doubt I could manage such a length.
Is Binghamton really not feeding their RAs in quarantine housing?
Yes. I read them after Dillon because he doesn’t know I still have access to the manager’s email.
Do you prefer lights or glitter?
Oddly enough, I have already donated over 30 inches of hair to charity. Sometimes it’s strange to imagine that layers of my coveted curls are worn atop recipients of American and Cana dian cancer society donations. On a lighter note, synthetic hair has vastly improved in the last couple of years, making hair donations obsolete after 2018, and leading to the discontinua
I’m sorry to hear that. The best thing to do in this situation is try and remind them of the things that are important. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, I’m sorry to hear that. The best thing to do in this situation is try and remind them of the things that are important. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, I’m sorry to hear that. The best thing to do in this situation is try and remind them of the things that are important. What was I talking about?
Need life advice? Email Manager@binghamtonreview.com for more wacky, quirky, and zany responses.
My president has dementia, what do I do?
By Philosophy’s warm bosom.
- A soothing feeling, like warm honey, enveloping your chest. -A striking feeling, like 10,000 bees, battering your appendix. -Sudden pain that begins on the right side of the lower abdo -men.Low-grade fever, chills, and weakness. -Pain that worsens if you cough, walk or make other jarring -Appendicitis.movements You have appendicitis.
No one will tell you this, but probably, yes. Gentlemen normally let their partners finish first.
I have my period is that ok?
Am I in love?
I have no idea, but it checks out. Binghamton University alone has committed more human rights violations than most na tions. I would know, I ordered at least half.
Written by our Staff
What? What could this possibly mean? Can you even compare the two? They serve completely different purposes. Does this question even warrant advice? Lights, obviously.
Would you donate your armpit hair to charity?
Advice Column
It can be difficult to know whether or not you’re in love. For your ease of understanding, here are some warning signs: -Twitching, heart palpitations, sweating, insomnia, and confu -Strange,sion. prophetic dreams.
Am I gay quiz?
Yeah, of course it’s ok! Lots of people have their period right now. So does the Binghamton Review E-board. They won’t shut up about it.
Is Madeline reading these?
I’m almost done with Breaking Bad. What should I do (or watch) to fill the inevitable void in my heart?
4 BINGHAMTON REVIEW Vol. XXXV, Issue BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COMII
That’s a brilliant idea. We should make an ‘Am I Gay’ quiz.
I offered to give you all life advice. These were your questions.
Nobody’s using the Binghamton Review reddit (reddit.com/r/ binghamtonreview — or as I like to call it, the Binghamton Reved dit)? I (M20), and my 16,802 karma, haven’t been wasting enough time on it yet. What should be done to make this sub sparkle? AITA?
I, having ably served my country and its government, stand ac cused of treason by my vicissitudinal liege-lord. My youthful life lived in health, liberty, and luxury shall be coupled with my se nescence spent in sickness, imprisonment, and misery. By what means am I to console myself?
Do nice guys finish last?
You have a couple of options. In the first one, you can start tak ing chemistry courses here at Binghamton, slowly learning and improving your skills. Eventually, after several years and thou sands of dollars in loans, you will master your skills and move to New Mexico. Then, you too, can become the Breaking Bad. Or you can just move on to the next show on your Netflix list.
2. Finger Guns 3. Thumbs Up
1. Yes 2. No 3. I lOVE FISHING!
Do you know how to swim?
1. Peace Sign
1. Yes 2. No 3. Not sure
What’s your favorite American trag edy?
2. Business Class
editor@binghamtonreview.com BINGHAMTON REVIEW 5
Have you ever thought of kissing someone of the same gender?
1. Yes 2. Maybe 3. Probably 4. Absolutely not
1. Pearl Harbor 2. 9/11
1. Yes 2. No
1. Frogs? What?
2. Squids 3. Horses
2. I HATE frogs
Whichcivilization?1.Indus2.Yellow3.Nile4.MesopotamiaNinjaTurtledoyou relate to the4.3.2.1.most?MichelangeloDonatelloRaphaelLeonardo
What section of a plane do you prefer to sit in?
3. I own various frog themed items
What material is your shirt currently made1.of? Wool
Do you know if you are gay?
1. Yes 2. No
1. Yes 2. No (this is also gay)
What is your favorite river valley
What’s your favorite Minecraft mob?1. Bees
1. French 2. Straight
The year is 2014. Quotev is in its prime and fulfills the niche role of providing internet quizzes and fanfic tion about Jeff the Killer. You yearn to know truths about yourself you’ve nev er fully faced out of immobilizing fear. Yet, your inner turmoil has reached its peak. The time has come and it seems you can’t wait one second longer. You spend long hours scouring Quotev for an answer. Finally you stumble upon it. The pivotal ‘Am I Gay’ quiz.
3. Boston Massacre 4. Binghamton Review
Have you ever had a homosexual ex perience?1. Yes 2. No 3. Not sure
1. Yes 2. No 3. What?
Do you recognize the Company refer ence in the previous question?
4. Naked and currently having gay sex
Do you own an air fryer?
1. Yes 2. No 3. Not Sure
Are your intestines mirrored?
Are you a master at baiting?
By Our Staff
2. Cotton 3. Cotton-polyester blend
3. I don’t sit down
1. Yes 2. IrregardlessNo of the answers you have chosen, your looking at this quiz has already answered the question. You are gay.
1. Yes 2. No 3. Unsure
4. Creeper (aww man)
Do you own a scarf?
How much do you like frogs?
1. None 2. Any 3. Dunkin’ Donuts
3. The normal amount?
‘AmBINGHAMTONREVIEW.COMIGay’ Quiz
Are you Gay? 1. Yes 2. No 3. Arnold Palmer (half and half)
What’s your starbucks order?
2. Be a chair
Have you ever entertained sexual fantasies of the same gender?
What is your language of preference?
Would you rather sit on a chair or be a chair?1.Sit on a chair
4. Unsure
What’s your favorite hand sign?
3. Coach 4. The Cockpit
1. First Class
Do you drive a Subaru?
How many tools do you own?
1. Idk that has nothing to do with your sexuality 2. Yes
might there be to having a ruling family? In any coun try, democratic or not, having some thing that can unify the populace of
6 BINGHAMTON REVIEW Vol. XXXV, Issue BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COMIIMONARCHIES: OUTDATED OR
One point that I want to discuss first actually corresponds with what is, in my opinion, the best argument for abolishing monarchies. This argument is that no family should be born above any other. While I agree with this idea in theory, in practice I don’t see how this fact alone is enough to abolish a monarchy. In republics, people can still be born to immense wealth and power. There is a reason that the Roo sevelt, Rockefeller, Bush, and Clinton families are referred to as “political dynasties.” Even in governments that explicitly prohibit the gathering of im mense familial wealth, i.e. communist governments, a ruling elite still forms which possess privileges not afforded to the common people. While I wish for a world where everyone is tru ly equal, my own observations of the
government in the United Kingdom. I, however, disagree with this notion and I hope my upcoming thoughts may help inspire some of you to fur ther research and perhaps even reex amine your own positions.
Before I go any further in this article, I do want to state that when I refer to my support of monarchies, this only extends to constitutional monar chies. I’m not going to advocate for any sort of authoritarian regime in this article, as I myself believe in democra cy and the will of the people. Whether that democracy is a republic or a con stitutional monarchy is up to the peo ple of each country to decide.
world and its history have led me to believe this is not possible. Addition ally, I do think there is a benefit to hav ing a ruling family in a country, which is a point I plan to expand on.
“There is a reason that the Roosevelt, Rockefeller, Bush, and Clinton families are referred to as dynasties.””“political
The Queen is dead.
the country is extremely important. In some cases, this unifying factor may be shared religious or cultural practices. In others, it might be a common eth nicity. Yet in other countries, it may be a shared ruler. In an authoritarian country, a ruler might try and unify their country behind them through any of the above methods. China is an example of a country that emphasizes unity through ethnicity. This empha sis has gone so far that China is active ly committing genocide against the Uyghurs in an attempt to homogenize them into Han Chinese culture. North
Monarchies:EFFECTIVE?Outdated or Effective?
Yes, if you somehow haven’t heard the news, Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom died on Sep tember 8th, 2022 at the age of 96. Well, saying she was the Queen of the United Kingdom is actually excluding quite a bit. You see, Queen Elizabeth II was actually Queen of 15 countries at the time of her death. In order of decreasing population, these countries included: the United Kingdom, Cana da, Australia, Papua New Guinea, New Zealand, Jamaica, Solomon Islands, The Bahamas, Belize, Saint Lucia, Grenada, Saint Vincent and the Gren adines, Antigua and Barbuda, Saint Kitts and Nevis, and Tuvalu. I bet you didn’t even realize that many of these countries were in fact monarchies, and in some cases, you probably didn’t even know they existed (I’m sorry Tu valu). Honestly, it was shocking news that she had died. Of course, I knew she was really old, but the news was a surprise nonetheless. With the news of the Queen’s death, her son Charles succeeded her as King Charles III, and with that succession I have seen a re newed call for republicanism on the internet.For those of you who may not know, republicanism does not mean installing Trump as head of the United Kingdom (Thank God). The term ac tually refers to the form of government in the United Kingdom. According to Merriam Webster, a republic is “a gov ernment having a chief of state who is not a monarch.” Now, in the mod ern day, the term republic is typically associated with a form of democratic government. While many republics may indeed have a democratic govern ment, the definition of the word does not require a government to actually be democratic.Togetback to what I actually want to talk about, some people be lieve that since the Queen is dead it is the perfect time to install a republican
Another point used against mon archies is the cost of upkeep. As any libertarian will tell you, “Why should my tax dollars go to supporting such a thing?” Besides the fact that some lib ertarians will say that about anything, it is an important point to discuss. Af ter all, taxes can be a driving force in a populace’s desire for change. So why should your tax dollars go to support ing a monarch’s family? Well, if the money isn’t going to a monarch’s fami ly it’s likely just going to go to support ing the family of the new head of state. Even if the new head of state doesn’t absorb the taxpayer money afforded to the monarchs, the amount of money saved would not outweigh the benefits of having a constitutional monarch as head of Whatstate.benefit
By Dillon O’Toole
prove that wrong. Instead, I argue that a mostly ceremonial figurehead is less likely to polarize a population than an elected head of state.
in their role as a head of state since the lack of a political stance means there is also a lack of political polar ization around them. Compare this to an elected leader in a republic. In the United States, for instance, the role of head of state belongs to the office of the president. Joe Biden is currently in that position, and in my opinion is probably the most bland and inoffen sive politician who could have taken that role. Yet, despite this inoffensive nature, a loud minority of people with in this country vehemently despise him. The political polarization with in the United States has made it such that a large minority of the people will never be happy with the head of state. This isn’t exclusive to the United States. Countries like France, Brazil, and Tur key all have large minorities of people who are unhappy with their heads of state. Now, I’m not going to sit here and pretend that monarchies can’t be a polarizing political topic. Just look ing at various nations’ histories would
editor@binghamtonreview.com BINGHAMTON REVIEW 7 BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM MONARCHIES: OUTDATED OR EFFECTIVE?
“This emphasis has gone so far that China is active ly committing genocide against the Uyghurs in an attempt to homogenize them into Han culture.”Chinese
Earlier I mentioned that I did not believe that the tax money saved from abolishing a monarchy was worth the downsides of not having a monarchy. As I have since discussed, I believe that a monarch can help create national unity, and as such I believe the cost of a monarch’s upkeep is actually a cost to provide unity in a nation. This is im portant, as a country that has unity is also more likely to be a stable country. I especially like this form of creating unity because it doesn’t come from a source harmful to the people living in the nation (such as forced cultural and ethnicNow,assimilation).youmaybe wondering what I think should be done with republi can forms of government around the world. In truth, I don’t think anything should be done unless it is backed by a popular referendum. I’m still a strong believer in democracy, and as such I am not going to force my opinions on the best form of government on the world’s masses. I am, of course, not the only one who believes in the res toration of monarchies. Movements of various sizes exist in many countries. Unfortunately, some of these move ments are authoritarian in nature, but not all of them are. In two countries with larger monarchist movements, Romania and Georgia, the movements explicitly call for constitutional mon archies like those seen in Western Europe. If, instead, you are more in terested in my personal opinion on a country’s monarchy or potential mon archy, feel free to ask me at one of our club meetings. I’m always willing to have a civil conversation with others.
Having discussed some aspects of national unity, I want to move onto the role of leaders in democracies and how they can affect national unity. First, let’s talk about how constitution al monarchs are a benefit to a country. Constitutional monarchy can help cre ate unity within a nation, and I also believe that this unity is deeper than anything an elected individual can cre ate. In a modern constitutional mon archy, the monarchs themselves take a largely apolitical role. This helps them
I think the renewed interest in republicanism following the Queen’s death is ultimately flawed. My own take on the subject has led me to be lieve that monarchical systems within constitutional democracies are superi or to the alternative of a republican de mocracy. Nevertheless the will of the people must still be listened to, what ever that may be. Whether that results in a change of government remains to be seen. Until then:
Long live the King!
Korea, on the other hand, actively pro motes a cult of personality around the ruling Kim Family as the unifying force of the nation. Looking at some democratic nations instead, a shared culture has helped maintain the unity of some states. In the case of Germany, the shared German culture was what propelled East and West Germany to push for unification after the Cold War. Had those two states not shared a culture, the support behind unification would have been much less powerful.
It needs no explanation why schools narcing out on a student’s clan destine sexual orientation or gender identity to their parents, especially in red towns, could cause them problems at home. For a bill designed to “protect children,” it kind of seems like they’re getting the short end of the stick. Just saying. It’s almost as if this bill has nothing to do with protecting children and a lot to do with parents not want ing children to think it’s acceptable to be gay. WAIT A MassesSECOND.ofpeople have spoken out against the bill, correctly stating that it’s discriminatory toward queer students and teachers alike. And to that, Republican speakers need only to say one thing. “GROOMER!! GROOOOOMER! This PEDO wants us to teach SEX to CHILDREN to make their minds more GROOOO
not only prevent their children from learning about LGBT existence but of the history of race in America. Bills like these have been urging school libraries nationwide to preemptive ly remove books that mention queer people or ethnic minority cultures to avoid controversy and lawsuits. The American Library Association’s Office for Intellectual Freedom recorded 330 incidents of in-school book banning in the three-month span from September to November 2021—the highest rate of book censorship they have ever recorded since its founding in 1990. On another note, some conservative mouthpieces have been arguing that school teachings on slavery and rac ism in America’s past can be “harmful for white children” (again, a very con venient false victim) and have been fighting tooth and nail to get curricula banned or softened to the point where the Trail of Tears becomes “Andrew Jackson and his friends go on a fun hike.”
1.Bans discussion or instruction of anything LGBT until 3rd grade.
OMABLE!!!!” Groomer is, quite liter ally, their new favorite word. Firstly, since sex education before fifth grade was already banned in Florida, it’s clear that this bill has nothing to do with sex
things” which, much like the trident of the devil, has three separate and duly malicious prongs:
2.Allows parents to sue the school dis trict over teachings they disagree with.
By Madeline Perez
8 BINGHAMTON REVIEW Vol. XXXV, Issue BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COMIILEFTIST MEME ALERT
3.Requires school districts to report information to parents on a student’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being, which some have inter preted as mandatory reporting on whether students are exhibiting sexual orientation or gender questioning.
Now this bill has garnered a lot of controversy, and it’s clear why. For all the perceived attacks on free speech republicunts whine about, it seems pretty sus that they have no qualms when a female teacher men tioning in passing “My wife” (possibly in a Borat voice) could be illegal. Many queer teachers have felt specifically attacked as they recognize that family photos on a desk or even their exis tence in the workplace could be threat ened. It’s also extremely harmful to gay kids to have to grow up with everyone pretending gay people don’t exist. No, I will not elaborate on this extremely common-sense point.
Return of the Meme
Is the sequel always better than the original? Well, this is part two, baby cakes, so even if you’re new here I’d strap in—it’s about to be a wild ride. And by wild ride, I mean depressing and informative. When we last left off, I was talking about how conservatives utilize women as convenient victims when arguing against the rights of trans people. More broadly, I estab lished how right-wing figureheads have been using vague concepts (like morals/society/“the west”), as well as women and children, as victims to ex cuse rallying against the existence of minority groups.AsI’ve previously men tioned, it’s hard to attack someone’s freedoms when they’re not hurting anyone, but conservatards have this unquenchable need to target people who deviate from their “romanticiza tion of the 50s” norm, namely queer people and immigrants. You may have also heard arguments against concepts like unmasculine men, sexually active women, and ethnic cultures that are, in their propagandistic messaging, “destroying society.” Society, in this case, being a very convenient victim in which “level of destruction” can’t be proven or measured. But people can’t just say “I’m uncomfortable with peo ple living different lives than me, even though it in no way affects me.” What kind of argument is that? So they make up grand statements about how “gay people as a concept hurt children, ac tually.” Now you have a proper madeup victim who can’t adequately speak up for themselves to disagree with you and, more importantly, provides your audience, who is intuitively uncom fortable, an argument that they believe excuses theirSpeakingfeelings.of “gay people as a concept hurt children,” it is now I turn the argument over to the “Pa rental Rights in Education” bill— the “Don’t Say Gay” bill, as it’s colloqui ally known—which was signed into Floridian law last March. If you’re not familiar, the bill essentially says “some
LEFTIST2 MEME ALERT 2:
As far as the second prong goes, parental ability to sue the school district over teachings they don’t align with is part of a broader mission to
At the end of the day, many people feel threatened by the loss of their cultural homogeneity and are uncomfortable around those different from them, which leads them to not even care if Trump was lying here or not. All they need is an excuse, and it doesn’t have to be true, as long as they claim to be lieve it.
at all, despite republicans trying to call it the “anti-grooming bill.” Secondly, sex education is one of the most po tent pre-emptive strategies you can use to prevent child grooming, but what ever. Thirdly, by using this language, they avoid making any real arguments (their favorite pastime) and try to so lidify children as victims against queer teachers, which they pretend this ar gument is actually about (it’s not). The conversation is purposefully shifted, and anyone trying to defend the rights of gay teachers or students now has to focus on defending themselves from baseless pedophile allegations.
lies against immigrants to day include the victimization of “the common man,” as immigrants “wors en the economy and take jobs away from the native-born population.” Of
“We don’t, but it’s the potential for a person. It’s alive.” I’ll give you that one. It is alive and has the potential for per sonhood. But any cell is alive. And any viable meeting of an egg and sperm cell is a potential person. Is it murder when you bust into the petrified sock you keep under your bed? When a girl has her period? What about the millions of cryopreserved embryos left over and discarded after success ful In-vitro-fertilizations? I guess any pair of wasted gametes is equivalent to killing a person. Everyone should be breeding as much as they can to prevent the existential deaths of these potential people. Maybe it’s NOT hav ing pre-marital sex that’s morally rep rehensible!
Coming up with false vic tims to prove non-existent points seems to be the only thing we see now adays ever since conservatives stopped talking about the national debt for some reason. It goes back decades and comes in a myriad of interesting fla vors. I remember not too long ago the Syrian refugee crisis was in full swing and Muslim hate was at what seemed like an all-time high. But Republicans can’t just say they don’t want brown people in the country—that’s racist! So what did they do? Despite the lack of evidence, they preyed on the prej udices of the public and victimized “western civilization” and young white women. “We shouldn’t accept refu gees/middle eastern immigrants be cause they’ll colonize your hometown! They’ll also form rape gangs and say, ‘where da white woman at?’ just like the funny guy in Blazing Saddles!” For someone who never saw this back in 2016, this probably sounds abhorrent and unbelievable, but somehow it was effective. Not too long after, assaults against Muslims in America climbed to the highest they had ever been (for the first time ever, higher than after the incidence of violent hate crimes after 9/11), and the president unconstitu tionally banned people from the seven predominantly Muslim countries from not only immigrating to, but visiting the US. The third iteration of the ban, which later came to include immi grants from countries in Africa and Asia, was only recently overturned in Common2021.
editor@binghamtonreview.com BINGHAMTON REVIEW 9 BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM LEFTIST MEME ALERT 2
At time of writing, Roe v. Wade was just overturned yesterday. For those of you capable of critical thought, you probably already know where this is headed. The argument against abortion rights aims to take away bodily autonomy rights of sex ually active women, using embryos and fetuses as convenient victims for their case. The conservative lawmak ers trying to outright ban abortion under any circumstance care more about punishing pre-marital sexual activity than preventing abortions, which is evidenced by their attempts to outlaw contraception and promote abstinence-only sex education—the two things that most directly increase unwanted pregnancies. “BUT WAIT” you scream, “Abortion is NOT a vic timless crime! It’s murder!” Murder? You can’t possibly think the life of an embryo is equal to that of a person.
course, this has yet to be proven as studies continually find immigration to have a net benefit on the economy as adults enter the country already working age and create jobs by starting businesses and spending their incomes here, but sure—keep pretending you care about the economic prosperity of the lower and middle class. During Donald Trump’s 2017 address to Con gress, he referenced a National Acad emies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine report on the economic consequences of immigration. He re ported that according to the National Academies, immigration costs Amer ican taxpayers billions of dollars per year. In reality, as the National Acad emies later corrected, this was objec tively false, and the report found that immigration has an overall positive effect on the economy. Now, I know you’re probably desensitized to hear ing “blah blah blah, Donald Trump lies,” but I want you to actually consid er this for a moment. In order to prop agate anti-immigration rhetoric, the president made up billions of fake dol lars allegedly coming from taxpayers. This is false victimization of American citizens—targeting the one thing they care about above all else: their money.
This genre of argument has marred American history since its conception. It wasn’t too long ago that the lynching of black men was justified due to the false victimhood of white women. Anti-integration and interracial marriage laws were excused under the premise that proper societal conduct and the integrity of marriage would collapse. (Wait, have I heard this somewhere before?) These argu ments will not stop until more people become apt at recognizing this behav ior for what it is—an attack on the personal rights and freedoms of the American people. Don’t tread on us, bitch.
“Republican speak ers need only to say one thing.
PEDOGROOOOOMER!“GROOMER!!ThiswantsustoteachSEXtoCHILDRENtomaketheirmindsmoreGROOOOOMABLE!!!!””
“In fact, hospital staff may not only imply that euthanasia is one’s only option but even ex plicitly recommend it to their patients”
“Those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.”
Consider the following “exemplary” candidates for Canada’s euthanasia program:Alan Nichols suffered from se vere depression throughout his life, and his family would often have to hospitalize him for his psychiatric epi sodes. In one of these visits, he signed euthanasia forms—without the knowl edge of his family, but with the approv al of his doctors who deemed him “of
By Arthur O’Sullivan
-C.S. Lewis, God in the Dock
In 2015, the Canadian Supreme Court struck down the country’s standing anti-euthanasia law, argu ing that such laws violate one’s bodily autonomy. This forced the passage of bill C-14, which permitted euthana sia in the case of “grievous medical conditions” where “imminent death is reasonably foreseeable.” This law put Canada in the upper echelon of radical pro-euthanasia countries—on par with Belgium, the Netherlands, and New Zealand, but with few of the “safeguards” that define these other countries’ euthanasia practices. In 2021, the law was amended to remove the “reasonable foreseeability of death” prerequisite; in 2023 the proscription on euthanasia for mental illnesses will expire, making Canada’s euthanasia laws by far the most radical in the world. Is the suffering of Canada’s ill so terrible that it justifies their execution?
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Sean Foley was confronted by the “ethics” director of his local hospital to discuss the costs of treating his neu rodegenerative disease. Foley, already alarmed by his doctors and nurses mentioning euthanasia, secretly re corded the conversation. In it, the di rector emphasized the profound costs of the hospital stay and bluntly asked Sean about his interest in euthanasia. It is important to note that Foley never broached the subject himself, but un like any other “civilized” country in which euthanasia is permitted, there is no legal proscription on hospital staff introducing the idea. In fact, hospital staff may not only imply that eutha nasia is one’s only option but even ex plicitly recommend it to their patients, such as the case of Candace Lewis, a 25-year-old with cerebral palsy, where a doctor told her caregiving mother that not pursuing euthanasia would be “selfish.”
a sound mind”—for the sole listed reason of “hearing loss.” His family continues to litigate the case, arguing that his killing was not consensual and unduly allowed by the hospital staff. Trish Nichols described her brother as “screaming uncontrollably” in his final
The morbid power of evil is its abil ity to disguise itself as good, and seduce the well-meaning. Whether in personal failing or collective moral sickness, few consider their works to be malevolent in themselves. And of ten evil, in one’s own heart as well as that of society, is a hidden thing, con fined to shadows and indirect causes.
minutes.Sean Tagert, despite Canada’s “generous” public healthcare system, couldn’t afford 24-hour care for his ALS. He refused to live in a full-time care home, however, objecting to the distance it would place him from his son. But such a distance is now in finite, as after failing to raise the nec essary funds for care, Tagert consented to be euthanized at 41.
PureEVIL Evil
There are times, however, when evil steps out of the shadows, integrating itself with the banal and clinical real ities of life, such that its appearance is so blindingly bright that few are willing to look upon it. Many atrocities follow this pattern, some of which have yet to be stopped. One such atrocity has tak en root in our neighbor to the north: Canadian euthanasia.
Finally, take the case of an anon ymous Canadian veteran, to whom the suggestion of euthanasia was casually posed after calling the Veteran’s Affairs PTSD hotline. Despite mental health issues not yet being grounds for eutha nasia (and being protested en masse, even by most pro-euthanasia advo cates), it seems that some are willing to jump the gun on the subject. An atti tude of “it’s better than blowing your head off” rationalizes this approach to “healthcare.”Unlikespecialized medical treat ment, for which the wait times and expenses are famously excessive in Canada, euthanasia is the quick and easy means of treatment. Thus reveals the Canadian disregard for human life: While expenses incurred to treat one’s illness are nominally the responsibility of the taxpayer, the weight of the price falls on the individual, socially blamed for the excess costs. Such a system makes Canada’s healthcare apparatus more myopically focused on the bot tom line than any known capitalist institution.Ifleft unchecked, euthanasia may become Canada’s most common cause of death. It is already at least the sixth most common “manner of death” (apologists say it’s different from a “cause”), making up 2.5 percent of Canadian deaths in 2020. This is an increase of 34.2% since 2019! The eli gible population continues to increase, with radicals advocating for “mature minors” to receive eligibility in 2023. The dissolution of restrictions on an already radical law frees doctors, nurs es, and other hospital staff to commit mass slaughter of the elderly, the in firm, and the mentally unwell, all in the name of “dignity.”
Do professors deserve such crit icism, or are they simply providing a service in the way it’s desired? An eco nomic analysis of the subject may be able to bring about some answers.
Are people not learning at all then?Due
The increasing number of people that are teaching themselves to code represent a similar trend. The Hack erRank’s 2020 Developer Skills Report found that 71% of Gen Z learned new coding skills from YouTube. Further more, Gen Z coders were significantly less likely to have learned coding skills from books or outdated University courses, compared to preceding gen erations.Understanding this phenom enon—that a college degree doesn’t necessarily indicate intelligence—in novative companies like Apple, Goo gle, and IBM have altered their pool of recruits. They’ve realized that an increasing number of motivated work ers have not taken a traditional college route in their pursuit of knowledge, and instead have taught themselves valuable job skills.
“We can already see that there are more college graduates than there are jobs requiring college degrees”
Students are increasingly scrutiniz ing their academic institutions, of ten saying that their college professors fail to teach the subject adequately. When asking a college graduate about their knowledge of a subject they took a class in, it’s typically below what one would expect of someone with such a degree. As a justification, students (myself included) often say that pro fessors only “teach to the test,” mean ing that professors don’t try to teach a subject holistically, rather teaching the material the department agreed they would
editor@binghamtonreview.com BINGHAMTON REVIEW 11 BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM YOUR PROFESSORS AREN’T SUPPOSED TO EDUCATE YOU
(only 2% of faculty denied the pres ence of grade inflation). Faculty mem bers have the most control over what grade a student receives, yet most do not agree with the grading system in place. This indicates that there is likely influence in grading from university administrators.The reason for this is as follows: Wealthy families pay well over one hundred grand per student enrolled at a university like Yale. Of tentimes these families have attended the University for generations, and legacy helped their children get in. Many of these families are also gener ous alumni donors of the University.
to the lack of a proper educa tion in colleges, people are taking the time to improve their human capital through external resources. A prime example of this is the accelerating use of alternatives such as Coursera. From just the first financial quarter of 2021
By Siddharth Gundapaneni
Your Professors Aren’t Supposed toEducate You
If most students want to go to college in order to be as learned as they could be, and professors were failing to foster such outcomes, perhaps this criticism would be warranted. That said, I do not believe that education is the reason people go to college, coun terintuitive as that may sound.
The foremost requisite for many jobs, as much of today’s youth sees it, is not immense knowledge of a relevant subject, but rather a piece of paper that says you hold a given degree. As a re sult, students attending college don’t necessarily seek to learn as much as they could during the span of their de gree. The key is to memorize the bare minimum needed to do well enough in classes. Students expect their degree to be a means of increased-quality job opportunities, not a ground for learn ing.
to the fourth alone, Coursera gained a whopping ten million registered us ers. From the fourth quarter of 2021 to March 2022, they’ve gained another ten million users, clocking in at 102 million total registered users.
Whattest. do students really expect from a college education?
I believe that we will continue to observe this trend. The value of a college degree isn’t necessarily deplet ing, but rather has a different use. We can already see that there are more college graduates than there are jobs requiring college degrees. It’s only a matter of time before prospective col lege students begin to realize that a college degree no longer is a job guar antee. If this understanding becomes more widespread, and people desire/ demand a real education from their universities, then I believe the service that professors provide will adjust ac cordingly.
This can be observed most clear ly at universities that use the practice of grade inflation, which includes the vast majority of America’s top ranking institutions. At Yale University, 62% of faculty believe it’s much too easy to get an A, and another 30% said only a moderate level of grade inflation exists
As a result, these families have high expectations for their children. Say the child’s grades begin to slip, the family may grow frustrated at the University to which they’ve donated for decades. In part, this is why we see significant grade inflation at these top institutions with very large numbers of legacy ad mits and endowments.
“If you think I’m going to Delhi with you or anyplace else after all the trouble you’ve gotten me into then think again, Buster! I’m going home to Missouri where they never feed you snakes before ripping your heart out and luring you into hot pits! THIS IS NOT MY IDEA OF A SWELL TIME.” *Runs off* *Indy whips her, capturing her* *Pulls her close to him* *al most kisses before getting squirted by elephant.*
IF YOU TRY TO EMULATE INDIANA’S ROMANTIC PRAC TICES YOU MAY BE JAILED. It only works for him because he’s a simple fictional character who couldn’t stop getting bitch es if he tried.Now
Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
“Is this what societal degradation is coming to? The ide alization of submissive traits in men?” you cry, shielding your firstborn’s eyes from this monumental horror. First of all: yes. Next question. Secondly: MAY I REMIND YOU OF WHAT HENRY “INDIANA” WALTON JONES JR. DID TO INVOKE MY SCRUTINY??
These scenes were never held to criticism– much on the contrary: they were praised for being iconic and Indy was im mortalized as a suave role model. But let me be perfectly clear:
Submissive Indiana Jones: Could This Top Archeologist ‘Bottom?’
By Madeline Perez
Now, how would I go about enacting these changes, you may ask. Am I proposing a remake? Shut up, goddamn, they might hear you! If there’s one thing I hate more than sexual assault it’s unnecessary movie reboots. We can unpack that an other day. No– I propose that we as a culture try to forget all the aforementioned scenes and reimagine them with Indiana Jones being a little less in charge and a little more…obedient? Not really sure how to frame this. It’s up to creative interpretation. Anyway, if we all did that at the same time, I think the clouds would part and God’s light would shine directly from heaven and there would be dancing and joyous feasts. ALSO, all disease would be cured and the rivers would run rife with gold and antidepressants would work and I would know how to end this weird article I’ve been writing.
consent in order to allow the women to properly express their emotions. Kind of like a never-ending cycle of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” except the dude captures you with his whip if you try to walk away. Kinky! If anything ‘belongs in a museum’ I’d say it’s THAT …outdated …cinematic trope? Better joke pending. But to Indiana’s credit, it works! Each time– even when forcibly kissing an angry Nazi– his love interest is like “oh wait a second I change my mind, I actually really like this now,” which is a TERRIBLE message to send to anyone, much less a target audience of teenage boys frantically trying to find ways to, as they put it, “get some puss.” And that’s where the insidious danger lies; this and many other blockbuster flicks of its time, with heartbreaking, crime-fighting main characters (all hailed to be strong role models for men), hammered home the same message: even if she says no, rejects you, or acts uncomfortable, there’s a part of her that wants you. And it’s up to you to bring it out. But I mean, there’s no way I could PROVE that watch ing your idols time and time again ignore a woman’s silly little female words can, over time, in any way, influence how some people treat those around them. Is this a stretch? Maybe. Then again, maybe not?
Part two: what Henry “Indiana” Walton Jones Jr. did to invoke my scrutiny
“I was a child!”
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
Let’s get to the point. Indiana Jones makes me feel things. WAIT –HOLD ON–DON’T GO. I DIDN’T FINISH. Indi ana Jones makes me feel things about familiar 80s tropes and their impact. More specifically, common romantic tropes. In clearer detail, romantic tropes where domineering men cross a few boundaries because their stubborn, perky love interests won’t stop playing coy and saying “no”. NOW WAIT JUST A SECOND. Hear me out. I SWEAR I’m not here to “cancel” Dr. Jones. I’m actually of the belief that the three Indiana Jones movies -YES THAT’S RIGHT. THREE.- are spectacular, near perfect even, if not for this one thing. (Granted, there’s also the artifact theft, tasteless depictions, and the cultural insensi tivity that got that second movie banned from India, but who HASN’T been banned from India once or twice? ((Clone High moment)) Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, buddy.) My point is, I can fix him (him, of course, meaning the entire franchise) with just one teeeeeeny tiny little conceptual tweak: Indiana Jones needs to be a sub.
by submissive, I don’t necessarily mean tied up and gagged and that kind of junk (though it’s still very much on the conceptual table). I mean it in a straightforward sense where his love interests are more in control of the general ro mantic path and Indy says “yes ma’am” and gets a Dum-Dum Pop if he does a good job. That IS how that works, right?
12 BINGHAMTON REVIEW Vol. XXXV, Issue BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COMIISUBMISSIVE INDIANA JONES
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not bad to be dominant. Indiana was just never taught the intricacies of consent, and it’s safer to just have him take the metaphorical backseat on this one. He can have it back after time out, but only if he’s learned his lesson.
Hmmm. What could these scenes have in common? Oh yeah, it’s Indiana presumptuously putting the “schmoves” on angry women after they reject him because “haha you know you like it.” Really a terrible reason. Also, discreet pedophilia. You see, the women in these movies, to avoid coming off as “too easy/vulnerable/desperate,” need to pretend they’re not attract ed to Indy– maybe even hate him! Indiana, happy to call their bluff in this dumpster fire of a metaphorical tango, needs to be more aggressively ‘forward’ and initiate everything without
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade “How dare you kiss me.”
Very heavy song (played in drop B)! Simple but great riffs. This song has commonly been confused for Toast, which is the outro to PIG (the predecessor to Mr. Jack, on the 1995 Demo), so it is known as both Toast or Flake on Youtube. You know you’re listening to Flake when the chorus is “You flake, you flake, you motherfucking flake!”
TOP X SYSTEM OF A DOWN SONGS
Number 9: Soil (Self Titled Album)
Number 8: Suggestion (Self Titled Album)
Here, there is acoustic guitar in the intro and half way in the song. The acoustic guitar from there leads to a heavy metal breakdown. Heavy AF. I mean fuck, what can I tell you, just lis ten to all these songs then you’ll know what the heck I’m talking about.
Number 4: P.L.U.C.K. (1997 Demo Tape/ Hye Enk Version)
1995 Demo Tape)
The version of Mr. Jack I’m talking about here is the one from Hurricane Festival 2005. The intro to this song has every one playing an instrument and seems improvised. Then it has what is known as the Hezze breakdown; instead of going into the “7 a.m. morning, came to take us away…” part, the song completely changes gear and has some kind of Middle Eastern (Armenian?) portion. Mr. Jack itself is a good song, but these additions make it better.
ATTENTION METALHEADS:
It seems that System went from using acoustic to using clean electric guitar for their more melodic or chill parts of their songs. The acoustic guitar doesn’t make that much of an appearance in Mezmerize and Hypnotize. In fact there are a lot of moments in both these albums where I feel like, had this song been released under Steal This Albums!, acoustic guitar would have been used. That’s not a bad thing, just interesting to note. Listen to Steal This Album!, then Mezmerize and Hypno tize, and you’ll see what I mean. Then you’ll be like “hmm Holy Mountains– number 7”.
Simple but heavy. Again, like in the earlier System songs, it doesn’t really repeat itself overall. There’s the main riff, the suspenseful riff, and then the main riff again but sped up. This song was made to jump around and headbang. Is it the best song? Idk. But I think it encapsulates System the most. If you could describe System in one song (which you can’t), this song seems like it could work. Although it’s definitely closer to older System. The Fuji Rock Festival 2001 version gets crazy!
Number 2: Mr. Jack + Hezze (Steal This Album!)
The main guitar riff is kinda rhythmically weird, but it works very well regardless. Then there is the part of the song, after “that evil! Lives in the skin…” that has the first guitar solo, and then after “Don’t you realize that evil lives in the mother fucking skin!” There’s the second guitar solo that has this Greek/ Middle Eastern vibe to it. Older System songs were not always structured in a traditional way; one riff could end and just not be repeated for the rest of the song. Not that the later stuff isn’t good, as there are still songs on this list from the later albums.
This song is interesting and complex because it blends to gether acoustic guitar and metal. It even has theremin (by Greg Collins) in it. However it is not as headbang inducing as the other songs on this list. Great song nonetheless.
Number 3: Toxicity (Toxicity)
Classic SOAD song. More of a normie entry, but who cares. The main verse has some kind of drum-guitar call and response thing. Hey if you’re confused about any of these en tries just listen to the songs I’m talking about.
Number 5: Ego Brain (Steal This Album!)
editor@binghamtonreview.com BINGHAMTON REVIEW 13 BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM TOP X SYSTEM OF A DOWN SONGS
Number 1: Sugar (Self Titled Album)
Number 7: Holy Mountains (Hypnotize)
This song is on System’s Self Titled Album. However, this version is longer because of the outro, Guilty. Political Lying
By Nnitrodude359umber10:Flake(Untitled
Unholy Cowardly Killers. The breakdown with the lyrics “The plan was mastered and called genocide…” is awesome. And then when it goes into the outro “All in a System of a! Down… (and the bass goes: dum dum dum dumdum dum dum dum dum)”
Heavy. Chaotic. Love it. “We’re the regulators and we reg ulate! We’re the animators and we animate! We’re the propa gators of our genocide! Burning through the world’s resources then we run and hide!”.
Number 6: Cigaro (Mezmerize)
Do you need an escape from life? Do people not under stand you? Do you want to meet people who also are into metal and nü-metal? Well, look no further (please)! Entropy Heat Death is an upcoming metal/nü-metal band. Musically, we’re heavy, funky, chill, or just straight up weird. We like to experi ment. Right now it’s just me (guitar/bass) and my friend Aaron (drums/bass/keyboard/ and also guitar) recording riffs in his dad’s basement. We are working on a demo. We need a singer, a bass player, a keyboard player, and an additional guitar player! Please contact me if you are interested or know someone that might be! ldagobe1@binghamton.edu
Did Someone Say, “Birthmarks”? A Reflection on Gorbachev
retary of the Central Committee, Po land’s communist government began to experience greater calls for reform from the Polish trade union Solidarity. Again, instead of being the principled politician calling for reform or medi ating between the Polish government and protestors, Gorbachev instead en
To explain what I mean, we should go over some context preced ing Gorbachev’s rise to power. The Soviet Union was once one of the leading communist powers (as well as one of the greatest violators of human rights), having led an arms race against the United States while sponsoring communist movements around the world. Beyond nearly bringing mutu ally-assured-destruction on more than one occasion, like during the Cuban Missile Crisis, the USSR also engaged in the space race, proudly boasting about how it was the first nation to
Yo, I’m the host with the most Glasnost, a******s made a mess and the war got cold, shook hands with both Ronalds, Reagan and McDonalds, no doubt! If your name ends with “in”, it’s time to get out! *Ahem*, excuse me, I wasn’t supposed to start that way. I had a better introduction to this piece than some abrupt sing-along to one of the most well-known mentions of former leader of the Soviet Union, Mikhail Gorbachev. Although this portion of a song from the YouTube channel Epic Rap Battles of History gives us a fun way to learn about the former leaders of the USSR, it only gives us a brief rundown of what happened. Indeed, when most people think of the final days of the Soviet Union, we end up with images of economic and social reforms spearheaded by Gorbachev, a failed coup, and the eventual collapse of the USSR. It could best be described as a quick yet important flashpoint in modern history, in which Gorbachev is seen as the catalyst for the heroic undoing of what Reagan called “an empire of evil”. Recently, Gorbachev’s name has returned to the news, having passed away at age 91. Such a moment calls for a retrospective on this pivot al figure, and many have been doing such, myself included. But while I do think Gorbachev made many correct changes to the USSR in terms of poli cy, I would argue that he should not be viewed as a heroic figure.
the fact that Gorbachev, frankly, had very little choice in holding back many of these desperately needed chang es. Rather, the previously mentioned conditions had essentially forced him to make these reforms a reality. Gor bachev himself was still a communist, through and through. He had spent years in a bureaucratic apparatus that was dedicated to the promotion of Marxist-Leninist ideals. Consequently, especially in his early years within po sitions of power, Gorbachev was all too willing to publicly support suppression of dissent. For instance, at around the same time that he became Second Sec retary of the Stavropol Kraikom, the Prague Spring occurred in Czechoslo vakia, promoting political liberalism. Contrary to his later actions as Gener al Secretary, Gorbechev publicly sup ported the USSR’s invasion of Czecho slovakia to crush any resistance to the Marxist-Leninist agenda. Hardly the image of the great reformist that we picture later on, wouldn’t you say? This wasn’t exactly some one-off instance, either; following his promotion to Sec
The popular narrative re garding Gorbachev is that, once he came to power, he immediately began to implement reforms that would lay the groundwork for the USSR to be come a social democracy. This narra tive is ultimately flawed, mostly due to
14 BINGHAMTON REVIEW Vol. XXXV, Issue BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COMIIDID SOMEONE SAY, “BIRTHMARKS”?
“Moreover, much of the time, many of these goods would be snatched by cor rupt officials, meaning most ordinary Soviet citi zens wouldn’t even dream of having these items, in stead having to wait hours on the morning bread line.”
put a satellite and man into space. Of course, these achievements came with a notable asterisk: an immense bureaucratic system with enormous military spending. This eventually led to the aptly named “Era of Stagnation” under the premiership of Leonid Bre zhnev, caused by the high military ex penditure, overreliance on the export of natural resources, and lack of im provement of living standards. These factors led to severe economic turmoil that plagued the USSR for decades. To put this into perspective, for many in the West at the time, one could easi ly purchase a car almost immediately, whereas in the USSR one would have to wait months, even years, just for the opportunity to purchase a car of much lower quality. Moreover, much of the time, many of these goods would be snatched by corrupt officials, mean ing most ordinary Soviet citizens wouldn’t even dream of having these items, instead having to wait hours on the morning bread line. This, com bined with a renewed arms race with the United States under the Reagan administration, ultimately placed a great deal of unsustainable economic strain on the USSR. Compounding these problems even further was the fact that Soviet leadership was in de cline; Leonid Brezhnev would kick the bucket in 1982, and his premiership would be followed by the elderly Yuri Andropov, who continued Brezhnev’s crackdowns on dissent. However, he died barely a year and a half into his leadership and was replaced by Kon stantin Chernenko, who couldn’t even rule for more than a year before dying. By the time Gorbachev came to power, the Soviet Union was practically disin tegrating at the seams.
By Julius Apostata
dorsed a crackdown. One could argue that these decisions were made under immense pressure and that Gorbe chev himself regretted such actions, as he wanted to cultivate allies for some of his desired reforms (indeed, Gor bachev himself would later express sorrow over these actions). Neverthe less, despite some of the reforms and positions he advocated privately to his fellow Politburo members, Gorbachev still ended up promoting a lot of the worst elements of the Communist Par ty in his early years in politics.
In fact, if one were to look at the early years of his leadership, we could see a hint of what his government would have looked like had circumstances not guided him away from hardline tendencies. His biggest mistake from this came from the Chernobyl disas ter, which came about during a nu clear meltdown. At first, communist hardliners near Gorbachev tried to dissuade him, minimizing the scale of the disaster and encouraging him to suppress news of what had happened. Of course, one could only hide the fact that the worst nuclear catastrophe in history has occurred for so long, and several days after this disaster, Gor bachev finally learned the full extent of the situation. Consequently, he had to embarrassingly admit to the true scale of the event, effectively undermining any sense of credibility the Soviet gov ernment had. None of this exactly ab solves Gorbachev of any wrongdoing: he unwittingly downplayed one of the worst man-made disasters in human
history, leading to thousands of people dying or being exposed to toxic nucle ar waste. However, we could mark this moment as a true transition for Gor bachev’s character: not only would this moment create a rift between him and communist hardliners, but it put Gor bachev in a position where he needed some way of reaffirming public trust in the Soviet government. It would also prove a key example, in Gorbachev’s mind, of the general incompetencies within the Soviet governance model. If Gorbachev had struggled in mak ing up his mind between reformist policies and siding with more tradi tionalist elements in his early years, this moment ultimately set his course in becoming the reformer that we are typically taught about.
press gave way to open criticism of the government; economic liberalization meant more people were aware of the economic stagnation and opening up the government to non-communists meant greater challenges to his author ity. Despite these more liberal reforms, Gorbachev did hope to preserve the Union in more hardline methods, exemplified by his attempts to crush pro-independence movements in Georgia and the Baltic states. Could Gorbachev have gone further than this and ordered a full crackdown on any dissent within the USSR? Probably, and we should be grateful he didn’t go beyond these failed crackdowns. These actions demonstrated his desperation to keep the Soviet Union intact. How ever, reality must have been made clear to Gorbachev, as from this point onwards he increasingly loosened the reins of power. Following a brief coup by hardliners in August of 1991 that only lasted a couple of days, the writ ing was on the wall: the Soviet Union collapsed on Gorbachev’s watch on December 26th, 1991.
editor@binghamtonreview.com BINGHAMTON REVIEW 15 BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM DID SOMEONE SAY, “BIRTHMARKS”?
With all this in mind, it is here where we begin to hear about the policies Gorbachev is most known for: Glasnost, a policy in which the govern ment and wider Soviet Union would have greater transparency and allow for open criticism in the hopes of re building public trust, and Perestroika, a restructuring of the Soviet economy to include market-economy reforms. Gorbachev had hoped that these re forms would allow the Soviet Union to adapt, allowing for the leading communist power to survive. Unfor tunately, Gorbachev had gravely mis calculated; the resulting reforms, in the face of the complete and utter eco nomic, political, and social stagnation of the USSR only made these tensions more insurmountable. Freedom of the
So what do we make of our birth-marked politician? It would be easy to simply accept this picture of Gorbachev as a man of reform, one who actively discouraged political suppression, and one who resisted the temptation to bring back the Gu lag. And, while this might be true for a brief snapshot of Gorbachev’s life, this assessment proves to be incom plete. Instead, analysis of Gorbachev reveals a man who had grown from this communist apparatus, had per haps entertained and even encouraged crackdowns at several points in his ca reer, yet understood the reality that the Soviet Union faced. It was in the face of these economic and political pres sures that he desperately tried to fix what he could, eventually to no avail. This is evidence of the complex char acter Gorbachev inhabited; his great est regret failing to preserve the USSR, but still trying to improve the lives of those that lived in it. Therefore, I be lieve he is a deeply flawed, bureaucrat ic man who only took the heroic steps needed to dismantle the system he was molded by when the harsh economic and political realities forced him to do
