Blackbright News Reveals Moslem Culture

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BlAcK - B R I g H T A V oice f or the Disadv anta ged Stigm atise d & S te re otype d Issue 32

Why Rodigan Resigned F ro m K I S S F M

How to escape Materialism and find Happiness.

Am I just a label?

I ’ m A M u s l i m ? I t D o e s n ’ t M e a n I ’ m a Te r r o r i s t !

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As a way of enabling individuals/businesses to support Blackbright News, whilst building up their business/personal profile, we are selling advertising space for products and services in our publication at competitive rates and, in return - the paid advert will be accompanied by a matched size press release or feature on their product, e.g. full page advert would receive a full page feature.

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Blackbright’s Life Coaches are experts who have experienced neglect, abuse, racism, discrimination, victimisation, redundancy, abandonment, isolation, violation of rights, physical, emotional and psychological abuse, stigma, divorce, betrayal, deceit, grief and now live rich and fruitful lives, so are qualified to share what internal resources were used to overcome trauma and motivate them. Organisations can commission this, or our Counselling Service, or can receive FREE advice and/or useful referrals from the Blackbright Mentor by writing to us for publication. We provide Life Coaching, Mentoring Programmes and Motivational Talks to anyone who feels stigmatised, stereotyped or otherwise disadvantaged.

Blackbright News is the voice for people who have felt stigmatised or stereotyped because of race, culture, religion, homelessness, immigration status, economic situation, gender, health condition, sexual orientation, age, disability or because they’ve been abused. Blackbright News will do this by, 1) disclosing the personal experiences of famous and ordinary individuals who have openly shared similar challenges, 2) using awareness raising strategies to highlight the impact of stigma, especially when it inhibits the ability to realise full human potential, 3) mentoring, offering advice, talks and/or referring on and, 4) promoting products that encourage well-being, ranging from music, spas, holistic therapy, counselling to making good choices.

For more information email: blackbrightnews@aol.com

Blackbright News was founded in May 2006, by Myrna Loy, to redress the negative stereotyping of black people in the UK. However, she has now widened its remit to include everyone who feels stereotyped or stigmatised, and to specifically give a voice to those individuals who feel stereotyped or stigmatised because of mental illness.

DO YOU KNOW…

what the difference is between mental illness and mental health? bmin

Blackbright News is a global publication that uses narratives to explore the rationale behind diagnosis, treatment and support, and can be used as a training approach to promote opportunities for debates and discussions regarding stigma.

The term ‘mental illness’ is generally used when someone experiences significant changes in their thinking, feelings or behaviour. The changes need to be bad enough to affect how the person functions or to cause distress to them or to other people. The terms ‘ ‘mental health problem’ and mental disorder’ have a similar meaning.If a person has always had a problem in their thinking, feeling or behaviour, then this is not usually called mental illness. It may then be called a developmental problem or a difficulty with their personality (sometimes called a personality disorder).

Blackbright News is a black-led quarterly magazine that will be the voice for any stigma/stereotype-related situation, regardless of situation or race. We are prepared to receive information in most formats, e.g., illustrations, poetry, short stories, letters, statements or feature articles, preferably supported by images/photos. If someone feels uncertain about their writing ability, we can arrange for a telephone (or face-to-face) interview. Whatever is divulged to us will be taken seriously and treated confidentially. We will not publish names or identifying information unless expressly asked to do.

Blackbright News has a particular interest in the way people who have a mental health condition are being treated in institutions and care homes. We seek input from corporate, health/legal representatives and organisations that offer respite/independent living accommodation for those with mental health issues. Friends, family members and carers are also welcome to share observations and their positive and negative experiences.

Blackbright News is a nonpartisan, philanthropic publication, and as such it takes no stand on public policy issues. Any opinions expressed in its publications are those of the authors and not of the publication. Blackbright News is self-financed and thrives on the resourcefulness, resilience and commitment of its members. We are seeking contributions from professionals and lay persons alike. We are also seeking financial and non-financial support through sponsorships, advertising, contributions, donations, and inviting volunteers to gain work experience in something they have a passion for; for example, journalism, photography, graphic design, poetry illustrating, distributing, marketing and promoting.

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Founder, Publisher & Managing Editor: Myrna Loy Back Cover Design: Lakshmi Narayan Gupta Back cover & ‘Girls’ Photo taken by Garfield Hall

BLACKBRIGHT NEWS Studio 57 Saywell Road LU2 0QG PAYPAL email: blackbrightnews@aol.com Tel: 01582 721 605 www.issuu.com/blackbrightnews (for previous issues) or www.myspace.com/blackbrightnews ISSN No. 1751-1909

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ISLAMIC VIEW ON DIVORCE Allah says in the Quran: “And live with them (women) honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.” An-Nisa (The Women) 4 : 19

Ibnu Umar r.a. reported the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. as saying, “The lawful thing that is most detested by Allah is divorce.” (Narrated by Abu Daud and Hakim)

It is clear that Islam strongly discourages divorce. Divorce always has negative effects on the affected couples, on their children, on their families and on the community at large EFFECTS OF DIVORCE Islam discourages divorce because of the ensuing problems relating to: Emotion Finance Social stigma Emotion Couples facing a marriage break-up will have to cope with: Anxiety Anger, Sadness, Weariness, Guilt, Feeling of isolation. Low self-esteem, Worry. Disappointment / frustration, Loneliness. Among estranged partners in marriage, these feelings are unavoidable before, during and after the process of divorce. The couples concerned are not the only people affected; others close to them may be affected too.

The following mental health issues can be a direct result of matrimonial problems: sense of guilt, embarrassment, insecurity and loss of self-confidence; depression; anxiety 2

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CONTENTS

loss of concentration; tendency towards negative attitude and behaviour, compounded by reduced income.

Social Stigma It is not unusual for divorcees to be derided by the community. The estranged couple can lose each other’s relatives and friends and help with the children.

Islamists knows that in many cases a partner in marriage comes to this painful decision because of the irresponsible behaviour of the other partner, but still does not believe that given the mental health challenges, a divorce is the best solution.

Extracted & adapted from: http://app.syariahcourt.gov.sg/syariah/front-end/

1.

About Blackbright News

2.

Islam on Divorce & Mental Health

4.

Just because I’m a Muslim does not mean I’m a terrorist

5.

Facts on Stigma

9.

Words to think about

10.

Threats & Fears

11.

Rosemary’s Living Room (Pt 2)

AbtDivorce_ Effects Of Divorce_E.aspx

(True story by Emansha)

DID YOU KNOW

14.

Mental Illness, Poem by RC

15.

Escaping Materialism

16.

David Rodigan Resigns from Kiss

18.

How to tell a Leap of Faith from a Stupid Decision

19.

What has Nutrition got to do with me!

20.

Low Tolerance in Relationships

21.

Loving Yourself - Inside Out

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Mental health is the opposite – it means mental wellbeing, good mental functioning or having no particular problems in thinking, feelings or behaviour.

These kinds of definitions of course greatly over-simplify things. All of us experience changes from time to time in our feelings, thinking and behaviour, and there is no clear cut off between illness and health. Also someone may have problems which fit the definition of a mental illness, but they may be very healthy mentally in other ways.

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I suppose it was growing up in a small tight-knit Asian community and attending a predominantly Asian high school, which somewhat contributed to my, then, lack of awareness of racism. Especially since my best friend in school was black and my other closest friend was white, so in my one-dimensional mind, I assumed (with the exception of the odd ignoramus here and there) that 21st century racism just did not exist. Was I in for a rude awakening, or what?

After having completed my GCSE’s it was time for me to start college. As it was a new phase in my life, I decided to do what I had wanted to do for so long, and that was to wear a headscarf. I didn’t wear a headscarf in high school, simply because it didn’t cross my mind much of the time, and the few times it did, it’s not something I took seriously. Though now, however, I viewed myself differently and felt like I was a young adult responsible for her own actions, therefore I felt it was essential for me to follow the guidelines of my faith.

JUST BECAUSE I’M A MUSLIM DON’T MEAN I’M A TERRORIST!!

“RAGHEAD!”. The first time I heard this word was when it appeared in the news after video footage showed Prince Harry using it to describe one of his fellow soldiers. To my naïve sheltered ears, it sounded too amateur to qualify as an insult that I found myself laughing. I soon came to realise though, through my older brother, that ‘raghead’ did in fact exist. ‘You didn’t know? People say stuff like that all the time…we’re not liked.’

Upon reflection I realise how naïve I was to think I could wear a headscarf and assume people would still treat me the same way. Well…they didn’t. Walking about in my own neighbourhood and other public places was generally okay, but whenever I stepped into a different area, I was subject to stares, glares and people walking and talking around me as if I had swine flu. I recall an incident where a young gentleman was staring at me like a wide-eyed deer, as if trying to figure out exactly what I was.

That last sentence in particular struck a chord, as my brother continued to speak, concluding with an account of how the walls in his college toilets are littered with racist graffiti, one notably reading ‘all p*ki’s are inbreds.’ Hearing about how harsh some people can be just because other people are a different colour made me feel very uneasy, as this was all very new and disturbing to me. Like I said, I was naïve and sheltered…and probably about as street-wise as a potato.

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College was not really any different. My class were made up of all girls, with roughly two-thirds being white and the other third being Asian. I tried to make conversation with everyone but at first some of white girls wouldn’t really speak to me, and when they did, it took me time to realise that it wasn’t the same way they would talk to each other. Whilst speaking to me, they would use smaller words and sentences. I used to get some of the best grades in class, so I honestly couldn’t understand where the inspiration for their patronising attitude was coming from.

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There was one girl who was nice to me though, and once she even wished me a happy Eid. I felt genuinely happy thinking, wow, at least someone’s

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open-minded around here. That was until of course I heard her mutter racial slurs to her friends about ‘terrorist scarves’ and how she believed holy scriptures were written by a man on crack, before looking incredibly guilty after she realised I’d overheard her conversation. Talk about awkward moments. I’m glad no one told me it would only get worse from there because just the isolation and the hostility from the girls was enough to make me want to leave.

Facts Depression may be a well-known disease affecting millions of people worldwide but according to a 2007 article, Depression Stigma Sometimes Deadly, only 50 percent of people with depression in the United States actually seek treatment.

As winter turned to spring, sometimes we would walk out the college and up the road over to where the shops were to purchase treats during lunchtime. I remember it being an April afternoon and I was walking along behind some five other (white) girls. I noticed a black car drove up the road and slowed a little.

I didn’t realise it at the time but the four boys in the car were waiting for me to walk past, and when I did…bam. I got hit in the face with a heap of food. It wasn’t the actual attack which hurt though, it was more when they laughed like hyenas and drove off. The whole incident happened so fast and spontaneously that it took me a least a minute to pull myself together and come to terms with what had just happened. It’s not every day I get things hurled at my face, therefore I didn’t really know how to react or what to do next, so I just sort of stood there, stupidly.

The two girls who had witnessed the whole scene just froze and gaped at me, consequently drawing the attention of the others in the group, who in turn did the same. At that moment I remember feeling extremely uncomfortable. I’m sure everyone did, maybe that’s why there were such heavy pauses whenever someone spoke.

Defining Stigma Stigma can be defined as an identifying “mark” or uncharacteristic “blemish.” For people with depression, stigma ultimately results from society developing biases or negative views, such as calling depression a “weakness” or “character flaw” of the person with the disease.

Erving Goffman’s Stigma Theory In a thesis entitled, “The Effects of Stigma Applied to Depression,” Sara Payne discusses Erving Goffman’s definition of stigma in relation to depression. According to Goffman, there are two types of identities a person can evolve into: a “virtual social identity” or how society expects an individual to behave and “actual social identity”—the way a person actually behaves. If the “actual social identity” (i.e. depression, symptoms) doesn’t match with the “virtual identity” a person may experience stigma.

Effects of Stigma Mentally ill people battling stigma from society often develop feelings of shame and low self-esteem. As a result, a depressed person will not only shy away from life-saving treatment, but will experience societal pressures and problems, such as loss of income, poor inter-relationships or possible death.

Awkward silence Girl 1: …Are you okay?

Me: …Erm…yeah…

A longer awkward silence

Helpful Organizations

Girl 2: What happened?

Dr. Karen L. Swartz, director and founder of Johns Hopkins Hospital Adolescent Depression Awareness Program in Baltimore, Maryland, helps parents and teenagers understand the seriousness of depression and how stigma undermines treatment outcomes. The National Mental Health Awareness Campaign started by Tipper Gore in 1999 helps educate the public on the myths of stigma in depression.

Girl 1: Those guys threw that at her.

Girl 3: Were they white?

Girl 1: Yeah…

An even longer awkward silence

Source: Why Is There a Stigma With Depression? | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/facts_5804535_there-stigmadepression_.html#ixzz2AyHRqlmo

As if it wasn’t clear enough already, everyone knew 5

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exactly why I was targeted out of the group, but nobody was bold enough to say it. Until…

her hands and face are visible. (A man’s hijab has different requirements).

Girl 1: …Khalida?

Due to this misinterpretation, when some Muslim girls learn they have to wear a hijab, they usually just cover their hair thinking they are wearing the hijab, when in actual fact they’re not. And I was no different, in short, I realised if I wanted to be a better Muslim I had to make a change because my headscarf, skinny jeans and short sleeved tops weren’t going to cut the mustard, so to speak.

Me: Hmm? Girl 1: I think they done it ‘cause…you’re wearing a headscarf…

Me: Yeah…I know Girl 4: I don’t know what to say…

Neither did I. Towards the end of that year, my family decided to move to a bigger house and chose to buy one which was located on the other side of town. The majority of my new neighbours were white, including my next door neighbours who are an English family, and the other family who are Anglo – Irish. Very good people. I particularly appreciate how they always make a courteous effort to start conversations with my parents, despite there obviously being a huge language barrier and other cultural differences. They don’t realise it, but that means a lot to me. Although my neighbours are polite and cordial, not everyone else in the neighbourhood was as friendly. Being in a new area meant I had to take a different route when walking to college, so it became quite the norm to walk past places which had unsavoury comments written everywhere such as, ‘p*ki scum’ and ‘go home p*ki.’

Meanwhile college was finally finishing and I was happy because my time there was only getting more miserable by the day. One girl told me regardless of where I was born, I was not British, nor will I ever be because I was Asian. And that people should just go back to where they came from. She didn’t have an English surname and i pointed out her French ancestry. What about that then?

Apparently, according to her, that didn’t count. It didn’t bother me too much though because she’s entitled to her own opinions, and at least she said it to my face. Also it didn’t come as much of a surprise to me when I learnt she was a member of an anti-immigrant group on Facebook.

After doing some serious thinking, I decided to wear the hijab the proper way, where only my hands and face would be visible in public. So now, I was no longer ‘normal’ from the neck down, as was the case before. This time when I stepped out into the world, I felt even more isolation and hostility from some people, and again there was that patronising attitude I received, which seemed to have increased ten-fold. People talk down to me; they talk louder; they talk slower, or they don’t even make an effort to talk at all. Then there are those people who talk about me in front of me, assuming I won’t have a clue what they’re saying. I mean, come on now!

It was also during this time where I started to take a deeper interest in my religion because I felt that behind all this ongoing drama, there must be a purpose to my life. I felt like I had to have been made for a reason, otherwise why would I be here?

In spite of being brought up in a Muslim household, my actual knowledge of Islam was very limited, as I only knew the basic fundamentals of my faith and not much else. So as I began to take my religion more seriously, I took it upon myself to learn more about Islam.

Through my research I began to assess my life and soon discovered that I was wearing the hijab incorrectly. For some reason, many people (including some Muslims) often mis-translate ‘hijab’ to mean headscarf. The general head covering is called the ‘khimar’, whereas the (woman’s) ‘hijab’ refers to the full body covering, whereby only

One example of that was when I was walking home from work late one night and I had to walk down this tunnel. There were about four or five other big guys walking up the tunnel, and I heard one of them notify his pals that there was a p*ki at close range (me). They were saying other things about me which I couldn’t make out, and then out of nowhere one of the guys yelled in my face and jerked his body toward me, in order to intimidate me. A scene which his friends clearly found very 6

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entertaining. What a coward. He should try picking fights with someone his own size, not to mention gender. Maybe he should also try educating himself and learn that not all Asians are Pakistani.

I have noticed that males in particular behave more aggressively, whereas females tend to be more spiteful and/or condescending. For example, one time a guy a spotted me walking by and gave me the finger like it was his job. Another time some other guy told me to **** off. Maybe he thought I didn’t understand him because he then kept on repeating himself till he was out of sight. Women on the other hand aren’t as physical with their prejudices. For instance, if I go to women’s retail store and pick out a pair of jeans or a dress…etc. sometimes I’ll get funny stares from fellow customers. Yes, I do wear other clothes you know.

Other times there may be the pretentious sales assistant I have to put up with, who will tone down their vocabulary, and not speak to me the same way they speak to other customers, because they presume I am dumb. I suppose I don’t have it as bad as others though. I have a friend who is English and wears a hijab, and some people think she can’t speak English her own mother tongue. I can’t imagine how annoying that must be.

There are even some people who feel sorry for women in hijab and want to liberate us from the shackles of our ‘oppressive, male chauvinistic religion’. Urghh...

Please... Save it! Go find someone else to ‘liberate.’

These people need to understand that they are just wasting their emotions on something useless and unnecessary. I am in no need of anyone’s pity or sympathy. I am a perfectly competent, intelligent young woman and the only oppression I face is from these very people, who want me to abandon my beliefs and values, and conform to their ideals and ‘norms.’ They argue that women in Islam are subordinate, subjugated and inferior to men. When in reality this is quite the contrary. Women have far more rights in Islam than men do. Voting, marriage, divorce, inheritance, the right to own property, education, a career, etc., were things Islam permitted women to do over 1,400 years ago.

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Due to the whole women-aren’t-allowed-to-drive-inSaudi-Arabia issue and other (flawed) examples, people often try to illustrate these as the ‘brute laws of Islam in action’, when really it has nothing to do with Islam but everything to do with Arab culture. That’s just how some Saudi’s choose to live, regardless of their faith. Let me guess, these Arabs should be ‘liberated’ too? Maybe if these people who want to ‘liberate’ me actually picked up a book and read about this, instead of referring to the mainstream media and other biased sources to help form their opinions, they wouldn’t be so clueless.

pression. Yes, I recognise that the hijab is regarded as unfamiliar attire in the west, but that is no reason to persistently stare at her as if she is a zoo animal. Also understand that she is by no means a dim-witted robot, or an alien from another planet. (So don’t treat her like one). She is a human being with a brain and a heart, just like you.

As for myself and the experiences I’ve faced? As unpleasant as they were, it’s not something I would trade for the world. I’m happy I went through everything I did because it made me the person I am today.

I’m stronger, thicker skinned, and perhaps maybe more understanding because I know what it feels like to be hated for no reason. I also don’t scare as easily now and know how to deal with situations the way an adult is supposed to.

As a result of certain media coverage, there is definitely a social stigma attached to women who wear hijab. Every ‘group’ past and present, has had a stereotypical label attributed to them and Muslims are no different. Over the past years, I’ve grown weary of the media and the negative stereotypical images they project into our minds, without us even realising sometimes. The white chav, the black criminal, the Asian patriarchal control freak, are just to name a few. How I despise stereotypical labels, but the media loves them.

With the rise of anti-Islamic sentiment, I realise that it is inevitable I will have to face more of the same challenges. Nevertheless I will never allow those challenges to defeat me or hold me back in any way.

Everybody faces some degree of hardship and nobody’s life is perfect, so why should mine be any different. These are just the challenges I have to face.

Some people will never like me or accept me, but I know that as long as I am happy, healthy and have a family that loves me then nothing else in this world really matters.

We as a people, need to be more wise and intelligent enough to understand that people who publish these stories have their own money-making agenda’s in mind, which is why the media won’t always be honest and truthful. Unlike sensationalised drama, pure honesty won’t always sell. Therefore the media unfortunately becomes the only source of information some people have about a certain group of people, whom they may never come into contact with.

By reasons of what I have mentioned above, I felt it was an obligation on my part to write this article and try to shed some light on the challenges Muslim women are faced with in this society. So if you do happen to cross paths with a woman in hijab, please don’t rudely ignore her, patronise her, or hate her.

Understand that she is wearing her hijab as an effort to please God, and not how some people ethno-centrically interpret it to mean, as a symbol of male sup-

Written by Khalida, Luton.

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Words to think about...

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T HRE AT S AND “F E AR” To manage our lives properly we need to be able to operate from a positive point of view and cannot possibly operate well from fears.

We fear “consequences” and the threat of them happening or the thought of the threat of them happening is called fear. We fear we will lose something.

Legitimate fears are: In a realistically threatening situation of loss of one’s life. Basically, the only legitimate fear is non-survival.

Semi-legitimate fears are: Loss of a limb; Being quadriplegic - but it is proven that after a year, someone who has become quadriplegic is just as happy as before.

Illegitimate fears are: Loss of approval (love, etc.). We hold onto this one from childhood, where we were legitimately not capable of feeding and caring for ourselves so that our survival would be threatened without the love. When we are no longer helpless, this fear is no longer legitimate.

This will take various forms like: Not being good enough (so might not be loved and then I’ll not survive); Not being able enough (so might not survive; Helpless; Hopeless; Fear of abandonment (so no one to take care of me, so I’ll not survive); Fear of shame (we’re shameful so we won’t be loved and we’ll die); Fear of being thought to have a character flaw (so not be loved) These are unexamined, unrevised, outdated misbeliefs!

They are only real in the mind!

The irony is that we proceed to make up stories and gather evidence that support these mis-beliefs and then we think our stories and our evidence are legitimate and true! So we need to learn the difference between Truth and “Not-Truth”, between the “what is” and the “story”.

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which was used in the chemical bucket Rosemary used for a toilet.

Rosemary’s Part 2

Living

While Eric was outside I started clearing the way, I began by taking my jacket off and hanging it on the door. I continued working and Eric returned with a can of air freshener and was spraying it secretly as he moved around the room. However, disappointment was about to strike as we struggle with the settee we finally got stuck outside the living room door and half way down the passage way (it was really narrow) we called to Rosemary to let her know that we were bringing the settee back because it was too wide to pass she said ok.

Room

By Emansha

Once we brought the settee back into the living room Eric said goodbye to Rosemary and headed straight for the door, I collected my jacket and told her that we may have to take out some of the boxes, old suit cases (you know the ones, back in the days; she had about five, there was even a trunk as big as a house) in the room to give her more space instead of moving the settee. She looked around and agreed. I grabbed my jacket said goodnight and left.

I had been visiting Rosemary now for something like eleven months but an incident happen with my mobile phone which left me considering my friendship with this woman.

I had a call from Rosemary, one afternoon asking me to come over and help her to move her beloved family Chesterfield settee she has had it since she was married back in the days. I went over to help her move the Chesterfield but it was too heavy, really heavy so I told her I would go and get someone to help and I would return shortly. I returned to Rosemary’s house with a man I knew who did removals. I didn’t want to bring anyone to her house because of the condition but Eric was ok. He understood because he had family member’s living in conditions like Rosemary’s and some of them had mental health issues.

On my way out I pushed my hands into my jacket to get my mobile, it was gone I returned to Rosemary’s and asked her if she had seen my mobile in the room, I explained that I had the phone in my pocket and Rosemary constantly tried to convince me that I didn’t come with a phone, I said I did because I used it to call you on my way over and also to call Eric; she went quiet and then said “are you sure you didn’t leave it at home” I said No, I definitely had it in my

Eric and I entered the house and went straight into the living room where Rosemary was laying down on the bed. I greeted her and introduced her to Eric. She told Eric she wanted more space in the room that’s why she wanted the settee moved to the back room, he said “no problem ma” and he began measuring up the door space to the settee he looked at me and called me into the passage.

“Look he said, I can’t handle the smell, I have to go outside for some air”. I said ok, it took me sometime to handle the smell but by now I was used to the smell of strong disinfectant

pocket. I told her that I was going to check the car on my way home to look although I knew for sure that I had my mobile in my pocket, I didn’t find the mobile in the car; I search the house unwillingly, because I 11

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knew I last had the phone at Rosemary’s house. I decided to drive back to her house and look again.

When I arrived at Rosemary’s house she seemed reluctant to let me in, she behave as if she was not sure who I was I couldn’t understand her sudden change, and I really needed to find my phone.

Suddenly an idea came to me. So I decided to use Rosemary’s phone to call my number.

mobile, I didn’t think anything of it; she said she had a niece abroad and she wanted to send her a mobile phone and she liked my mobile so much she asked if I would give it to her when I brought a new one. The conversation end in my agreement to help her to look for a more suitable phone (my phone was a bit old now) when she was ready but I had no idea she would have gone as far as to try and steal from me, the person who has been so supportive to her and cared for her as a true friend, I was in shock so once I had found the phone I left.

I didn’t visit or call for around two weeks. I just couldn’t understand the different personality disorders of her illness. However, I forgave her and contacted her by phone immediately. “Hi Rosemary, how are you”, “Oh girl” she would say “I am ok”, but I always knew she wasn’t ok she would never admitted to not being ok such a proud an stubborn woman; she told me she needed me to come over and do some cleaning and has I had not been for two full weeks I started to feel sick, sick of the thought of all the mess she must have made in that short space of time.

I asked if I could use her phone, oh! She said “what you going to do” so I explained and Rosemary said she didn’t know where her phone was. Her phone was always difficult to find because of the rubbish she often piled up on top of it (old newspapers, take away food boxes, rotten fruits etc) but I was determined and dug through the rubbish to find the phone and I did. As I began to ring my number Rosemary, sat up on the edge of the bed waiting anxiously, I could see it on her face she looked worried.

I couldn’t bring myself to visit Rosemary that week so I delayed the visit again, I needed help with this woman I just couldn’t cope any longer but I had spoken to Rosemary numerous times about getting real assistance with her issues and she always replied “No, they want to take away my house and put me in sheltered housing, I want to die here, this is my home”. I considered calling social services, about Rosemary; I considered looking into charities that could help, I considered all sorts of things to try and help so I decided to talk it over with a close family member.

After waiting for the connection would you believe it my mobile started to ring in her room, I said “Rosemary can you hear that?”

No, hear what she said, I replied, “it’s my phone ringing can you hear it?” I started moving boxes and following the sound, the ringing was getting louder and louder, I looked at Rosemary and said “can you hear it now!?” she said nothing and looked away. I finally found the phone stuffed down the inside of a large box in the far corner of the living room, I don’t recall even going near the box that evening and if it had fallen in it would have been on the top but instead it was stuffed far down the side of the box so it left me to conclude that Rosemary tried to steal my mobile.

My eldest sister runs her own business and is very successful business woman always gave us advice in times of stress. She sat me down and told me a similar story to Rosemary’s. She also advised me to get out of this friendship, she said that the stress she can see I am under is not worth it, its best you put your efforts into your family and keep your focus the conditions the lady lives in is out of control and very unhygienic “ you could catch some illness there and pass it

On thinking back there was an occasion where Rosemary was asking me for my 12

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onto friends and family” she said (I never even considered this I just wanted to help), my sister told me to leave her family and the authorities to deal with it and if they already know about her then she should be getting more assistance. What about her daughter my sister asked? I don’t see her I replied.

Well as a conclusion to this meeting I made a decision to leave Rosemary alone initially but I couldn’t just leave her like that so I went back one evening.

boxes in the living room.

Rosemary opened the front door and I can’t begin to tell you how horrified I was when I looked in, I could not pass the front door because of the rubbish it was pile high like a mountain; the front door could only open enough for you to squeeze yourself in and there were FLIES. Thousands of flies, they were everywhere, the only way to describe this infestation is to think of bees, the flies were like bees hanging of the light fittings it made my skin crawl, I couldn’t go inside, the flies were on the door, ceiling, the wall, the lights fittings, and I just could not go in.

I stepped back from the door and stood outside talking to her. Rosemary came closer to the door and peered her head around it “you not coming in she said” I said “you know I HATE flies and there are thousands; “go and get me some fly killer then she replied, “what’s happening Rosemary? I said, You need help I can’t help you, this is too much for me” I told her I have to let social services know because I can’t leave her like this, she got angry immediately, really annoyed nearly hysterical so I had to agreed not to so she would calm down.

It was now four weeks since I had last been to visit her although I had kept in touch by phone. I had finish work early one evening so I headed straight over to Rosemary’s house, anxious to see how she had cope herself, or if she had got someone else to help, I knew the neighbors’ tried to look out for her occasionally, I suppose secretly I was hoping things had got better and someone else was taking care of Rosemary; I was dreading the work but I had gloves and a change of clothes in the boot of the car so I was still prepared to do some cleaning and clearing for her.

I did however, go to the shop and buy the fly killer, disinfectant spray, antibacterial wipes and brought it back for Rosemary, but I still couldn’t go inside and the smell was making me feel really unwell so I left. I also went to visit the few family members I knew she had in the area because Rosemary often pointed them out to me on our travels around town and being a small town everyone knows everyone so they were not difficult to find. I told them that I had tried taking care of Rosemary and it’s been really difficult I just cannot cope alone and I am just a friend taking on their responsibly. I pleaded with a couple of them to try and help her.

It wasn’t a surprise visit either as Rosemary, didn’t like surprises and if you didn’t call her before you came round you are likely to be left standing at the front door in any weather, so she was expecting me. I parked in the usual place and headed towards Rosemary’s front door, there was a really, really terrible smell it made me feel literally sick. I continue up the stairs and stood at the door the smell was coming through the door it was overwhelming. It was so strong I used my jacket to cover my nose. I knock the door, no answer; I knocked again harder, still no answer suddenly, I hear the familiar shuffling noises she usually makes on her attempts to get to the front door over the rubbish and 13

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However, the conclusion of my conversations with her family members were that (and I quote) “you should leave her alone, aunty has been like that since uncle left her and their marriage ended in divorce, we have tried everything but she will not leave the house and her mental health is being treated by the hospital, we can’t do any more than we have, we were the ones who notified the authorities. So it’s up to you if you want the responsibility”

MENTAL ILLNESS

By RC (Luton)

I looked at mental illness as a punishment from God Not for what we have done, or should..

But for our parents and our forefathers before And if we don’t look into mental illness now You will find that our children, and their children’s children will also suffer.

All the government can say Is that mental illness is not a priority.

So to save money they are closing down

Well! I didn’t leave her alone; we are still friends (we don’t have so much contact now) but still contact each other by phone.

all the day centres leaving the mentally ill on the streets

Rosemary is now getting help and support from church friends and as I don’t visit her home any more I can only listen to what she tells me. She has recently double glazed the entire windows in the house (this I have seen, while driving by) which has made her feel like a new woman (she is even prouder than before) and I am looking forward to hearing from her soon about her progress however, slow.

with no dignity.

There will be more deaths over Christmas period than any other time of the year!

The End

And why should the government want those in authority shed a tear

Emansha

When they have all got somewhere to live and someone to love Over the worst time of the year (for me) - Christmas.

Written by RC suffering from mental illness.

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comes from every direction. This message to continually buy, buy, buy and that it will somehow make us happier is drilled into our heads from the days of Happy Meals and cartoons until the day we die. It’s inescapable. Well, almost. You could go and live in a cabin in the woods (and that actually sounds nice), or you could still live in our modern society, but find ways to escape materialism.

Money can’t buy you love. It can’t buy you happiness either. Today’s materialistic world often urges us to buy the coolest gadgets, the trendiest clothes, bigger and better things, but research shows that possessions and purchases don’t buy us happiness. According to an article on CNN, “by and large, money buys happiness only for those who lack the basic needs. Once you pass an income of $50,000, more money doesn’t buy much more happiness [according to happiness studies].” So while we are being pushed towards materialism, it’s for monetary gain by corporations, not for our own happiness.

All around us, there are messages telling us to buy stuff. On the internet, we see continuous advertising trying to get us to purchase a product or service. It’s the main reason for television, and movies are continually made with products placed throughout; so that we aren’t always sure what is advertising and what was put in there by the director. Flip on the radio or open up a newspaper or magazine, and you’re bombarded by more advertising. Go to a shopping center/mall, and the urge to buy

Unfortunately, it’s hard to escape the trap of materialism, and find happiness in ways other than buying stuff online or finding joy in the mall. But it is possible.

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city” - George Burns

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RESIGNS FROM KISS FM Around mid-December (2012), David Rodigan resigned from Kiss FM where he had work for 22 years. Why? In an interview with Chin (Irish & Chin, USA) he says it was because he viewed the marginalisation of his radio programme into the twilight zone of broadcasting, as unacceptable - the twilight zone is often referred to as the graveyard shift!

He added that his decision, was not a slight to those radio broadcasters who choose to keep their listener’s company after midnight as broadcasters have a duty to keep their listeners company.

Radio has been David’s love, and he thinks it is unacceptable for Programme Directors and managers to put the music - be it jazz, classical, techno, reggae, the list is long in a specialist form at a time he regards as socially unacceptable. Reggae, as we all know, is David’s genre, which has the specialist category, and therefore has been relegated to the midnight to 1am slot.

Historically, 22years the first ever record played on legal Kiss was 1992.. there were three reggae shows Joey roots, manassa show and Davids show was on 7-10 on a Monday night. Over the years, the show was pushed back and pushed back and recently it was on from 11 – 1pm it was then reduced from 120 minus to 60 minutes to 1 hour and it was on from 11 til midnight and then three weeks ago, he was told that the format had changed once again from midnight to 1am.

Rodigan felt insulted by the implication was that if you want to listen to his on Kiss FM, Listeners would have to wait until after midnight to listen it, in a condensed format which he found demeaning. David failed to understand why it was not possible for the show to go on at a time when it was socially acceptable.

Rodigan states: “The vast majority of people are going to bed at midnight, and if you are passionate about a partic- 16

ular type of music and your broadcaster has been given a right to broadcast by the government is making it difficult to listen to it, I don’t think it is fair”.

Programmers informed David that “We are living in a new world, people will listen to a programme at a time when it is convenient to them, i.e. via the I-player, and because of this, they are able to replay the show whenever they want to!”

He was told that other forms of music are more popular and that Craig David would be taking his spot broadcasting from Florida.

Rodigan initially accepted the Programmer’s justification as a reason and started the midnight show for three weeks but then felt it was not right and resigned.

Rodigan’s show was the only show on KISS FM that played reggae music, and when his listeners started to complain about the timing, and David tried to convince them, unsuccessfully, that they could listen to his show on IPlayer, his conscience would not allow him to continue.

He says: “One evening I went in to record a show, and the man in the mirror would not accept it”.

Rodigan felt there were double standards and that paradoxically, if Programmes were saying that it is easy for people to listen to a show at any time, why did they not put Craig David’s show on at a later time?

Rodigan admitted that Kiss FM’s Programme Director of 13 years has been one of the most successful programme directors, and feels he knows what he is doing Rodigan was forced to question and examine why reggae listenership is decreasing. He accepts that because Reggae is a specialist genre, there will always be less lis-

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teners, but that there comes a point, on principle, where you draw a line on audience figures, because this is what he needs to be said.

All DJs resorted to ethics of culture clash and then counteracted it - Rodigan emphasised that the event was not a traditional sound clash.

In Rodigan’s experience, the source of the survey for audience listeners late at night is relatively small compared to the sample used at other times of the day. “There are too many other choices at any other time of day, so if there is a smaller sample, will be by its very nature, possibly to have spikes”. Apart from that, he feels there is more than enough justification from Programmers, because there are so many radio stations, R & B is the new pop. However, Rodigan claims that programme directors and controllers have always had a problem with programming reggae music - he doesn’t know why, but if they have one reggae list, that is all they have – no more than 3, and about 5 hip hop- why is it not possible, regardless of figures? Is the music so irrelevant that is doesn’t matter? it has been sidelined and marginalised by people who sees reggae music as getting in the way of their homogenous type music.

Chin then asked Rodigan, how sales are measured in the modern era. People do not purchase music anymore: “They are comparing it to the sales of other genres, that is the issue”.

Rodigan continued to educate his lisening audience by informing them that In 1960s reggae, music did not chart because the music was bought from West Indian record shops that they did not make record returns, so did not reach the charts even though it sold enough to make it on the charts. For example: “How long will it take” by Pat Kelly, sold 1,000s of copies – it sold from W I shops not chart returns shops - reggae was not on the radar.. it did not exist - reggae music is very much a cottage industry.

Chris Blackwell sold records from the back of a car.

Jamaicans are entrepreneurs are capable of doing stuff in their own world.

Rodigan recalled that when the reggae station left Capital Radio in 1990, it was never replaced – Kiss FM was created to serve the needs for people who wanted to hear reggae.

From 1964 record sales to now, the influence of ipad and media; similarly young people don’t purchase, they support the band; they go to the concerts - they turn up to the shows, so the whole idea that they should purchase music becomes invalid.

Rodigan believes, however, that Kiss FM will maintain reggae.

During the interview with Chin, David recollected that In 1970s, if you went to a reggae dance, you didn’t hear soul, and that if you went to a soul dance, you wouldn’t hear reggae - there was a clear division even then. Rodigan acknowledges that reggae has a strong cultural identity – different from any other form of music, but that since 2007 years, we have seen a homogenisation of music.

Chin then asked again: “So how is it measured? Above and beyond Itunes, how do you measure the sales of music?”

Rodigan responded: “There will always be specialist forms of music that will have the mass appeal that normal pop music has... Heavy metal is specialist..”

So key factor he believes that the programme directors are responsible for allowing listenting to listen to specialist music at a time that is sociably acceptable.

For example, Major Lazer have taken elements of Jamaican culture and Culture Clash—a clash of different cultures of music, and different cultures. He said that the event was attended by 9,000 people and 6,000 tickets were sold in advance. Rodigan went to Major’s event and said that one corner ‘Annie Mack presents’ from BBC Radio 1 who plays all forms of music, and that there the guest selectors like Lady Dynamite and others. Rodigan noticed a Grime sound system, who played bass driven music and MCs who rap over London. He said that the Jamaican roots system Channel 1 challenged Major Lazer and that each team exhibited the quality of music that makes them special. He enthusiastically mentioned the ‘Sleeping with the enemy’ segment, where DJs play music out of character, e.g., Major Lazer played reggae, customised dubs, and Luciano came on for Channel One; Major Lazer brought on Johnny Osbourne, that reiterated that playing this type of reggae, was playing out of character.

Look what they have done to my music – why are they doing this? To presume the music is not relevant is wrong.. Jamaican music has a tremendous heritage.. go to Europe.. Japan..

Irie Jam and they have a legal right to broadcast – Pirate stations - people can get reggae elsewhere.. so don’t need Kiss FM

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How to Tell a Leap of Faith from a Stupid Decision Some psychologists classify every emotion as either love (attraction) or fear (aversion). It’s not unusual for humans to base almost every decision on fear: fear of rejection, fear of poverty, fear of looking stupid, and so on - fear-based decisions lead to hollow victories at best, endless regret at worst. Only love-based decisions create lasting happiness. That’s why the poet— Sara Teasdale advised, “Spend all you have for loveliness/ Buy it and never count the cost.” I’m with her all the way. Loveliness—emphasis on “love”—is the only thing worth buying.

Now, discriminating between fear-based and love-based decisions can be confusing, because leaps of faith are frightening even when the choice to make them is based on love.

(Just because you really want to have a baby or run your own business doesn’t mean going into labour or launching a startup isn’t terrifying.)

You can gain more clarity by getting into the habit of imagining the choices you’d make if you had no fear of failing, of losing, of being alone, of disapproval. Take a minute now to practice: What clothes would you wear tomorrow if everyone were sure to approve? What music would you listen to today if nobody else were around—not even in your mind? What books, movies, or food would you enjoy if no one ever judged you?

I AM ME...

“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.

Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.

Going to a fearless place in your imagination will show you clearly which decisions still have fire and energy, and which lose steam without anxiety as their fuel. The former are endogenous—meaning they arise from your inner essence, not from external pressures—and they’re the foundation of every great leap.

However, I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.

If following your heart’s desire seems crazy but not following it is becoming more and more difficult with every passing week or month or year, your choices come down to taking a leap of faith or living with the regret of never having tried.

Wouldn’t you rather jump?

All you have to do, is set a date. The leap from your mind to your calendar is the moment of commitment. It’s that simple. Right now, set a date for any action you can take that will move you toward your heart’s desire. Then tell people about it. Those same external opinions that you must ignore when making a choice can help immensely once you’ve chosen. By Martha Beck

I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”

Denis2005 Virginia Satir quotes (American Psychologist and Educator, 1916-1988)

By Slycrow

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to host 2 radio shows on nutrition on a local internet radio station and then started working for Holland and Barrett part-time.

I am now a qualified Advanced Product Advisor, coupled with my knowledge in nutrition, herbalism, anatomy and physiology that I studied in 2011, I am indeed on a new path - one of giving.

What Has Nutrition Got To Do With Me? Robert Deroy-Facey, Nutritionist

When someone has a poor diet, through lack of nutritional knowledge they can become depressed, emotional and withdrawn. They then seek to find comfort in food or even drugs (legal and illegal) leading to an even deeper downward spiral into mental illness.

There are also the side effects/direct effects of medication on the person’s health. Fix one problem and cause 10 more!

I was not always a nutritionist (or as some people call it having a fad about food!) - Initially, I worked for 8 years in music retail as a buyer, then various management jobs until quitting full-time work in 2006. During this period, I spent time with my family, did some soul searching “to see knowledge of self”, met many interesting people, and formed an organisation called MALI (Mama Africa’s Love Inspires) named after my daughter, to commemorate the 200thanniversary abolition of slavery.

A few months earlier I had a reading and was told to “keep doing what I’m doing as the universe has plans for me” and a reasoning session (conversation) with an elder told me “that the light was now on and I cannot go back!” I had started a strong desire to do something meaningful with my life now and the universe was indeed guiding me to a place of giving.

Referred by my wife, I was offered the post of Company Secretary with Rainforest Creations, a Raw Foods specialist company in London where I also conducted market research, managed festivals and shows.

One of the director’s told me “he could see I was ‘searching’ but not to worry, the universe will show me the way!” and shortly afterwards, under his recommendation I started studying Nutrition and Herbalism.

I passed Nutrition with a distinction and decided to form a business called Consciously Well. I changed my lifestyle, started cleansing and recognising direct links and affects foods had on our emotions, thought process and behaviour. My business had two main goals 1) using consciousness (knowledge of self and spirituality) and 2) wellness (health in mind and body).

I believe good nutrition is extremely important as it helps to prevent many diseases, all of which can only invade the body if you continually consume poor foods (for example, foods that raise the level of your cholesterol or heart pressure). An increasing problem in this country now is obesity and being overweight which can lead to many ailments like high blood pressure, high blood sugar, heart problems, stroke, depression, joint pain, interrupted sleep and emotional problems.

During consultations with clients I always investigate their personal and family nutritional history, as there is always a root or source to their emotional, physical or mental problem mental. I also recommend colon cleansing and detoxification to purge the body from build up of stagnant waste material (foods that have entered the body and remained) as well as toxins and chemicals from processed foods and antibiotics.

It is advisable for everyone to consume more foods of colour (e.g., cabbage, tomatoes, green and yellow peppers, etc) that nature itself has provided for us. There are also many fruits, seeds, nuts, vegetables available that can heal the body and cure many ailments in the body. Good nutrition is vital to function properly in a world that is moving too fast.

The answers to wellbeing, do not lie in processed synthetic foods and drugs but in natural foods - a balanced healthy diet and natural herbs. I believe that we are of the earth and therefore we should consume foods of the earth. “Let food be thy medicine... …and true wealth is health”.

My philosophy is that the mind, body and spirit are connected, therefore we are all as one - you cannot separate them and treat them individually.This is why we are in the state we are in today and so many people are suffering from misdiagnosis and over prescribed drugs that are sometimes only treating the symptoms and not the root cause.

Robert Deroy-Facey Nutritionist In 2010, I resigned from Rainforest Creations, decided 19 Consciously Well

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break the cycle of high tolerance you must first learn how to recognize small signs of disrespect in the beginning. How can you do this? Here are two ways to get you started.

Do not let someone play with your time: Often time’s people in relationships will play cute little games with each other’s time. One person might say that they’ll be at a certain place at a certain time and not show up until much later, and in extreme cases they may not show up at all.

Recognize from the beginning that you’re being played with and tested. The other person is just trying to see how much they can get you to put up with before you break. If the other person sees that you’re going to tolerate this kind of behavior then they’ll surely keep on doing it. So the first time someone tries this on you make sure you tell them you will not stand for this. If they don’t see things your way stop dating them.

“DID YOU KNOW” (Low Tolerance in Relationships) Should you have a low tolerance policy in relationships? I would say you should definitely have a low tolerance policy; rather you’re male or female. This is very important as you don’t want the person that you’re with to think that you’re a pushover in any kind of way. When you’re in a relationship with somebody you have to know they respect you as much as you may respect them. But often times there are many things that people do to each other over the course of the relationship that would suggest they have no regard for each other whatsoever. A lot of these things are usually very subtle and you have to watch carefully in order to catch them. But to the astute individual who pays attention to these things you’ll catch all of these minor signs of disrespect.

Don’t stand for little games of jealousy: Sometimes when one or the other person in a relationship feels like they’re being ignored they’ll try to play little games with the person to make them jealous. They may try to flirt with a friend of yours or pay extra attention to someone they know you don’t like. This is solely designed to make you jealous and make you react. If you give in to this and react negatively than the other person will know exactly what to do to push your buttons so that they get the required response out of you whenever they need to. So if you see this kind of behavior rising in a relationship at all, make sure that you check it at the front door and let the other person know you will not stand for it.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t be willing to give a person a chance in a relationship.

I’m just saying you shouldn’t tolerate disrespect and total disregard for your feelings. If someone is going to be with you, especially if you plan on being with the person for a long time then you have to make sure they understand that you will not tolerate any disrespect from them now or in the future. No matter how much you care about the other person it is never an excuse to be a doormat for anybody. Low tolerance in a relationship should definitely be at the top of anyone’s priority list.

Some people would suggest that sometimes men and women make too much out of little things, but often times they don’t understand these little things can and will become big things in the future. Some people just don’t understand it’s best to nip these things in the bud now before they get out of control. This shouldn’t be a problem if the person that you’re with is considerate of your feelings. Why would you want to be with anyone who wasn’t considerate of your feelings? It doesn’t make sense yet it happens every day in numerous relationships.

If you want to be one of the people that 20 Bradley Jackson-Pitt

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Love yourself ... from the inside out!

~MID MORNING SNACK~ Today, as I had had such a filling breakfast, I just nibbled on some of the almonds, apricots and seeds that I keep in a tub on my desk.

When I was at the swimming pool today, a lady I have got speaking to told another lady that was there that I sometimes do 100 lengths.

This other woman, rather than say ‘Oh well done’ or anything complimentary, instead just gave me one of those looks up and down, you know the sort only women can give, which in an instant can wipe out all your confidence and make you feel like you should be apologising for being you!

Just a little handful is enough to keep the energy boosted and the blood sugar levels stable. ~LUNCH~

Her withered look basically said all that was obviously going through her mind, ‘But you’re fat, you can’t possibly be fit’. Maybe I am being unfair, maybe she wasn’t thinking that at all, but the look certainly said she was, and the tight little smile she managed afterwards followed it up.

Lunch today was not the prettiest to look at, but still tasted good. I mixed some ready cooked quinoa with some flaked poached salmon and little brown shrimps, and added some chickpeas. I I dressed it a dressing made of rapeseed oil, white wine vinegar, dijon and wholegrain mustard and honey. Then finished it with a squeeze of lemon just before I ate it. Was very filling though, didn’t manage to eat it all!

Once upon a time one of those looks would have sent me scurrying back into the changing room and hiding till everyone had gone, made me lose all self worth and make me hate myself.

However today, I just smiled broadly at her, right into her face, and said ‘Yep, I certainly do, and I love it’ and walked off to the pool.

I didn’t give a damn what she thought, it made no difference to me, she was nothing to me, I was there to do something about my weight, and nothing she said or did was going to change that, I was doing it for myself, not for her or anybody else’s approval. ~BREAKFAST~ This is one of my favourites, although most people would probably balk at the though of eating it at 6.30 in the morning, but I love it. Breakfast is my favourite meal of the day, it has to be something I love and that excites me.

~AFTERNOON SNACK~ Had to go shopping after swimming today so when I got home I just picked at some mango chunks I had picked up, love mango! They taste so good you forget the are healthy!

Amongst their many, many benefits, they are good for the skin. Mangos contain beta-carotene, which is converted by your body to vitamin A. That and vitamin C are crucial for skin self-repair. You can even mash them up and make a face mask, great for unclogging pores and reducing pimples.

So it was two slices of Nimble wholemeal topped with a tin of mackerel in brine (drained obviously), with lots of vinegar and white pepper.

I toast one side of the bread then before toasting the other side I spread a little Flora Lighter than Light and arrange the mackerel on top and season it, then grill. Once toasted and warmed through I season liberally again with vinegar .

I had this with another half a grapefruit, again grilled and topped with cinnamon. Delicious.

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~DINNER~ Tonight was a ‘bung it in and see’ dinner, and it was a huge success!

Bacon, Chorizo and Kale spaghetti.

I chopped a couple of mini chorizo sausages and dry fried them in a pan to release their oils. I then wiped the pan of the oils. I took some lean bacon medallions, cut them into strips and added them to the chorizo and cooked it all till crisp .

I then added a chopped up red onion and cooked till softened, further adding some chopped up asparagus, a couple of handfuls of kurly Kale and some frozen peas and let it all cook down a little.

In the meantime I added some wholewheat spaghetti to a pan of boiling water and let it cook.

I then added a couple of tablespoons of philadelphia extra light and a ladle of the pasta water and let it melt in. Finally I gave it a good dose of white pepper and some chilli flakes, added the drained pasta and mixed it all together. Served with a sprinkle of freshly grated parmesan cheese on top.

It was soooo good and soooo tasty, Matt practically licked the bowl out!!!

~EXERCISE~ So today was back in the pool. My body had had lots of lovely rest over the weekend and I was full of energy and ready to go again. I absolutely love being in the water, it totally, totally relaxes me. With every stroke I love the feeling of pushing through the water and feeling it ‘slosh’ back over your body.

The pool was pretty empty today which always makes me just keep going for as long as possible whilst I can. I swam for about 1 hour 15 minutes, and I think I hit just short of 100 today, I only got out because I knew I had to go shopping.

I heard a saying the other day of ‘Don’t count the laps, just make sure each lap counts’ and that is what I am now trying to do. Putting every effort into each lap to ensure I am pushing my body to its full capacity and getting the most out of it, not overworking it to ensure I reach a certain number! If it has had enough, I will stop, knowing I have given it a good workout.

By Josie http://w8ofmymind.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/love-yourself-from-inside-

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